Go Big, Go Small, Go Nowhere
Well hey! Kai Zykken here—everyone’s heard of my incredible adventures, of course, but did you know that there’s even more to me than being really great at everything? It’s true! I’m also a connoisseur of all the galaxy’s finest things, and today, I’m going to share a few of my favorites!
I’m sure you’ve found yourself going about your day and wondered, “How could I do this same boring stuff, but look awesome like Kai Zykken when I do it?” The answer is finally here: my new line of sleek and unique vehicles! Some are large, some are small, and some are… well, you’ll see. Let’s dive right in!
Have you ever been speeding around Vaiken Spacedock in your Korrealis, thinking to yourself, “If only some brilliant vehicle maker could give me a way to take up even more space, I’d look really important and attractive.” Great news, I have the solution for you. Introducing… MEGA MOUNTS!
That’s right, it’s not too good to be true! With my first-ever Mega Mount, you too could have your very own Sandcrawler! Through my patented steering system, what used to take an entire team of Jawas now only takes you. Of course, some people have said to me “Kai, why not just make vehicles that can fly?” To them I say, what does it matter when you’re cruising 10 stories off the ground!
*Use the Sandcrawler-100 at your own risk. Fall insurance not included.
Maybe you aren’t the Mega Mount type. You see something like a Sandcrawler and think it’s too big, too clunky. You need something small, something sleek. The type of vehicle that will make people say “How does she do it? It’s like she’s gliding on air! She must be royalty.” Oh no, random onlooker, she’s not royalty; she got herself one of Kai’s Micro Mounts!
I took the types of things you love: Transports, combat droids, even rancors, and I made them small. In fact, their “smallness” is guaranteed to increase your relative stature by 57%**. If you like small and cute, then Kai’s Micro Mounts are for you!
**This number has not been validated by any scientific authority anywhere in the galaxy.
I’m sure most of you have passed out from overwhelming excitement of all of this, but for the truly discerning and still-conscious among you, my last offering in the line is the most unique of all. Have you ever looked around your luxurious Nar Shaddaa stronghold and spotted your favorite chair, or perhaps seen a beautiful tree on Belsavis, and said to yourself, “If only this was a vehicle.” Well now it is!
In my new line of Stationary Mounts, you can find everything from luxury chairs to crashed asteroids! And they all have one thing in common: they don’t move! That’s right, these new vehicles will move at a whopping 0% movement speed. You heard me right, zero. It’s like I always said, why go everywhere, when you can go nowhere?
You will be able to find all of my new Mounts coming to a Galactic Trade Network near you! Or you can come to our physical locations on any planet—just look for Kai’s Auto-vehicle Intergalactic, KAI for short. You definitely won’t regret it!***
***Lack of regrets not guaranteed