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Formal Apology to the Galactic Republic


Ashes_Arizona's Avatar


Ashes_Arizona
01.23.2012 , 02:46 PM | #1
From the Desk of the Dark Council
Korriban Academy, Korriban
15 ATC

It has come to our attention that in the years following the sacking of Coruscant that you have had struggles and economic disturbances which have put great strain on the once great Galactic Republic and as such a massive issue with population migration and overall strains on your operational capability are evident.

We would like to express our concerns and condolences over this state of affairs. And would like to at this time simply say that you have our gravest apologies, in this time of trial, and we recognize your current plight and struggle.

It is with our sincerest apologies that we must say the heroes and combatants of your glorious Republic just, simply, are not cool, in any way. They are, unfortunately, so not cool, that to be any less cool they would become cool for being so uncool. This is not something we have any direct control over, and if we did, Imperial Intelligence would already be hard at work behind the scenes on many Republic worlds, doing our best to make your heroes cooler, simply because fighting badly dressed, ill trained, cliche spouting stereo-types is a horrible waste of the time of our Empire's best and brightest, who are, without a doubt, far cooler than any cream of the crop the Republic appears to be able to offer.

The Emperor informs us that this is the expected state of affairs at this time, but not to worry, citizens of the Galactic Republic, things will get better for you in due time, and he also mentioned that you might want to start looking around for someone named Skywalker and ensure they're quietly protected and taken care of for a fair amount of time...whatever that may mean, we do not know, the mind of the Emperor is a difficult thing to grasp even for the most accomplished members of this Council. Perhaps this "Skywalker" is destined to bring coolness back to the Republic.


Again, our condolences,
Darth Ravage
Dark Council
Korriban Academy

Selaik's Avatar


Selaik
01.23.2012 , 02:48 PM | #2
lol very funny

and yes I play Republic

but funny is funny

well written OP

abishe's Avatar


abishe
01.23.2012 , 02:51 PM | #3
just what the republic need, luke a A grade whinner.
if luke is found, they better delete republic.

Jezmondene's Avatar


Jezmondene
01.23.2012 , 02:53 PM | #4
Thank you for your concern, and kudos on a highly entertaining post.
Not all who wander are lost.

Tovenar's Avatar


Tovenar
01.23.2012 , 02:55 PM | #5
I especially enjoy the line

"In this time of trial"

Well done! Very amusing.
"So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."

-Darth Helmet

Fixiooo's Avatar


Fixiooo
01.23.2012 , 02:59 PM | #6
Damn, that post got deleted.

Achromatis's Avatar


Achromatis
01.23.2012 , 02:59 PM | #7
Lulz. Its not so bad on some PvE servers, but the imbalance is REALLY bad on just about EVERY PvP server.
Not Meant to Be a Factual Statement

The plural of anecdote is not data

Ditboo's Avatar


Ditboo
01.23.2012 , 03:00 PM | #8
Dear Dark Council,

Wait till we get Blood Elves!

Regards,
Supreme Chancellor Idontrememberhisname.

Wynternight's Avatar


Wynternight
01.23.2012 , 03:05 PM | #9
Quote: Originally Posted by Ditboo View Post
Dear Dark Council,

Wait till we get Blood Elves!

Regards,
Supreme Chancellor Idontrememberhisname.
Dear Supreme Chancellor Giaganticwimpusmajorum,

You can have your poncy Blood Elves. That just means we get Space Goats.

/wiggle

Signed,

Darth Mourn

Dark Council
Korriban Academy
Mydnite - Sith Assassin Charnel- Sith Marauder Mourn - Sith Sorcerer
Arryanna - Imperial Sniper Malefica - Sith Juggernaut
Harbinger
server Gamer Girl Forever!

Ditboo's Avatar


Ditboo
01.23.2012 , 04:09 PM | #10
Quote: Originally Posted by Wynternight View Post
Dear Supreme Chancellor Giaganticwimpusmajorum,

You can have your poncy Blood Elves. That just means we get Space Goats.

/wiggle

Signed,

Darth Mourn

Dark Council
Korriban Academy

Dear Darth Mourn,

Recent bioanalysis intelligence recovered from the jungles of Dormund Kaas, have led us to conclude that the Empire is in fact, not strong enough to pull the ears off of Gundarks.
In fact, your Gundarks have excellent hearing, as one of our operatives learned at the price of a badly nibbled bum.

In order to make the Jedi more edgy, and cool, we've instigated a new training program on Tython, which mostly involves tossing Flesh Raiders into bonfires and giggling about it.
Also, instead of the Galactic Republic, we will now be known as the KilLoR AssassinZ.
This should make us very cool indeed, and possible we will get invited to Homecoming this year.

Regards,
Supreme Chancellor ReallyaSithbutIwearahoodiesonooneknowslol
Coruscant, capital of the KilLoR AssassinZ.