View Single Post

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.17.2016 , 10:29 AM | #3
Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
You did it! Good for you. And a promising start too. I don't think I can compete with your awesome reviews, but I'll give it the ol' college try.
ERR. MAHGERD. A reply! :O

So I fixed a couple of the weird clerical errors, such as the missing letter... probably me doubletapping delete accidentally during formatting. Speaking of missing things... not too abrupt an ending there? I felt like it might kind of be; but then it's not like TV shows historically (or every damn week *cough*GOT*cough*) haven't cliffhangered that hard, either.

And now I have this thing going where figuring out a nicely formatted and easily readeable reply system is harder than it looks. Does the partial quote+ spoiler tag work or is it too clunky? It seems really long.


Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Chapter One:

I do enjoy the idea, that you'll be exploring what happens between Baras and Monk.
Monk sure does come across quite nervous, I guess the promotion is freaking him out more than a bit.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
You've captured Baras' voice really well, I could hear him speaking inside my mind to the dialogue, so that's a really good indication that you know him well. I liked Baras and I would have served him, if he hadn't done what he did lol.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I love his authority...'You there...slave...carry this!' Who's gonna say no?
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Authenta has an interesting background, I look forward to learning more about her.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
A little point of confusion for me...you mention early on that she has' garnet locks'...then 'midnight red' and then later they're black... 'deep red skin and black hair'...I'm not being a nitpick, just trying to get a bead on her look. Did you simplify her description because it was what Adikemos was seeing? Men tend to have 'simpler' descriptions for colour than women do...
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I think you dropped the 'O' in this line... 'pening her duffel wider'
Pyxis an interesting word...meaning container or box, if I'm not mistaken.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Ahhh....black shimmersilk. The material all awesome sexxxy dresses are made of. Accarrgm! And Ne'tra gal! New and interesting booze choices. The latter seems to resemble a beer the hubby liked drinking before they stopped selling it here...perhaps you've heard of Trois Pistoles...
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
And no fun night out at a bar is complete without an intoxicated PITA. I look forward to see what Auth does to him. I have my suspicions about his identity
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Great start, I'm looking forward to more!
YAY!
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.