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So You're Off to Oricon (A Guide for Bads)


FridgeLM's Avatar


FridgeLM
11.04.2013 , 10:59 PM | #1
This guide is a loving tribute to/shameless plagiarism of the original from WoW. Enjoy it as I enjoyed the original years ago.

So you're off to Oricon (A Guide for Bads)

Dragonslayer got you down? From Beyond not your cup of tea? Fear not young baddie, you will soon be entering the dynamic world that is Dread Fortress and Dread Palace raiding. So pack your stims and let's hop right in.

PART 1:

THE DREAD FORTRESS

Nefra, who Bars the Way:

After slaying some exciting and dynamic trash mobs with gigantic knockbacks, you'll encounter Nefra, who is a fearsome big guy who you may have met before in your adventures to Makeb. He hits nearly as hard as the guys on Makeb, so make sure you trade a medpac to the tanks at some point mid-fight. He will also periodically summon robots that blow up and kill idiots, but don't cause your raid to wipe. In addition he will dot everyone, you should cleanse it unless they are a range dps keeping robots out of the raid in which case you should kolto missile the rest of the group and let him die (this is Death and Taxes' strategy and we win every week). Collect your 20th dreadforged belt and prepare for:

Gate Commander Draxus:

After an exciting and dynamic puzzle pacing mechanism, you will do battle with Draxus. He has a conal attack that does a lot of damage and a corrosive grenade DOT, so make sure everyone stacks up. Draxus also drops mans from the roof, if you kill them they die. If you didn't know, I play a sniper, and as a result I have no clue what the strategy for this boss is. As far as I'm concerned its shoot the small guys until they go away then shoot the big guy. This seems to work well for me. If you don't play a sniper you might have to try here, but I doubt it. After his exciting and dynamic death animation you will receive loot and then you get to see the guild bionanalyzers strut their stuff as they consistently fail to extract anything useful from the subteroths.

INTERMISSION FOR THE WORST DESIGNED TRASH MOB EVER: 1-SHOT the ROBOT

Grob'thok, who Feeds the Forge:

One of the truths that transcends SWTOR and every MMO ever is: don't stand in the fire. With this encounter, Bioware has introduced a new twist to the classic fire by making it also kill bad guys, sure to tempt even your most hardened veteran offtank with its soft orange glow. While your offtank is herding cats and playing angry birds the rest of the group is fighting a smelly-looking boss in a hot room. He also has a mechanical arm. I think you can draw your own conclusions. If your dps don't suck, you will win.

Corruptor Zero:

The key to this fight is prayer. Before attempting this boss, have everyone in the group take a 15 minute break to address their deity of choice. Their request is simple: Please don't let THAT GUY get concussive mine. If everyone prayed hard, this fight should be extremely easy, everyone goes about their merry way hitting things, healing things, killing robots, and colecting loots. However, if your group didn't pray hard enough THAT GUY will get concussive mine, possibly followed by THAT OTHER GUY, causing a giant series of aoe explosions 10 or more meters away from the boss and 6-14 people to groan loudly on voice. This means you simply didn't try hard enough with your prayer, human sacrifice is also an option. Once your bloodthirsty gods have had their fill of human hearts you can collect your oriconian demolisher chest and move on to:

Dread Master Brontes:

All throughout your SWTOR operations career you have been preparing for this fight. From Karagga to Kephess, Soa to Styrak, you have learned not to stand in bad things. Well my friends its time for all that experience to pay off because Dread Master Brontes is the LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES OF NOT STANDING IN THINGS! This fight has so many things not to stand in including: in front of the hands, between the reach tentacles, in front of Brontes, around Brontes during the laser phase, the laser during the laser phase, next to other people's energy orbs, purple circles, in front of Kephess, and much much more. The other amazing thing about this fight is that whenever someone dies no matter how early or late or how preventable or unavoidable their death, that person is 100% guaranteed to claim that their defensive abilities were on cooldown. Cherish these moments folks, you only live once.

Stay tuned for part 2: THE DREAD PALACE
<Death and Taxes>

FridgeLM's Avatar


FridgeLM
11.04.2013 , 11:00 PM | #2
PART 2:

THE DREAD PALACE

INTERMISSION FOR THE (2nd and 3rd) WORST DESIGNED TRASH MOB(s) EVER: SPIN-ME-RIGHT-ROUND THE INTERROGATOR & REFLECTO THE GUARDIAN

Dread Master Bestia:

After four waves of slaying exciting and dynamic pacing mechanisms you will do battle with Bestia herself. She lives in the most fetid, dank room of the palace and is surrounded by tentacles and monsters. Fetishes aside she's a piņata and the dangerous part of her fight involves two separate red things not to stand in. As a result your ops leader will spend the entire time she's active yelling on voice, "SPREAD OUT" and "HEY, SPREAD THE $@%! OUT." Eventually Bestia will get tired of his incessant whining and leave, so pick up your 21st dreadforged belt and head to:

Dread Master Tyrans:

The most exciting and dynamic facet of this encounter is playing the game of, "who the @&($ dropped the fire in the group?!!" and of course, "who #*#%ed up the simplification order?!?!" A great way to prepare your guild for this encounter is to have all your guildies meet up in real life and kick each other in the groin repeatedly, until they break down and cry. Once you l2snake you're ready for:

Dread Master Calphayus:

The key to this fight is local muting all the idiots in your guild. If any idiot calls a wrong spot for the future/past phases because they're using relative and not cardinal directions, its a wipe. A fun game to play during the phases in the present is to first get the giant red circle and then inch closer and closer to the tank with Inevitability. These moments provide excellent opportunities for blackmail - the entire group is your hostage. One of the best parts of this encounter is listening to it when you aren't in the operation, in no time "PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT-PLANTIT" will be a word in your vocabulary, look forward to that.

Once you beat him and made it this far, your bad guild may be on the verge of moving from being one of the better bad guilds to being one of the worse mediocre guilds. This accomplishment is not to be taken lightly, celebrate your achievements! But don't get too cocky, as many exciting and dynamic challenges await!

Dread Master Raptus:

Things that will wipe you on Dread Master Raptus (100% true wipes): 1) random raptus threat switch 2) both healers getting teleported 3) random raptus threat switch 4) driving thrust/force execution cleave 5) random raptus threat switch 6) did too much damage during reflect 7) random raptus threat switch 8) fat fingered interrupt on dps challenge 9) random raptus threat switch 10) tank knocked up into instant death 11) random raptus threat switch

The Trash Pack on the Stairs (you know the one):

Although not technically a "boss" by conventional gaming standards, this pull is far harder than three of the four lootbags that preceded it, requiring raid coordination, strong healing, and actual skill from the tanks. Needless to say, it is exciting and dynamic. Collect your level 53 alacrity/defense greens and prepare to face:

The Dread Masters:

Well congratulations baddies, you are just one step away from the end of the pve raiding line. This one's for all the marbles and after it's all over, you will have walked away with the privilege of saying "I, [your name here], have SLAIN the Dread Masters." Your SWTOR forum trolling potential will be heightened considerably, your epeen will be lengthened likewise, and you may also experience some increased girth. Now that I have piqued your interest, here's how you do it.

First impressions: The Dread Masters are Tiny

For being in such a giant room and having an influence on all previous operations, the Dread Masters are really freaking small. This is GUARANTEED to be your official first impression. Your second impression will be that they don't care if you /dance or /heelclick at them.

Phase 1: Bedlam

The fight will start and you will notice one thing quickly: there is a LOT of stuff going on. Use your phase 1 attempts to get the sheer joy of wiping to predictable knockbacks out of your system. In this phase there are death marks. When other people get death marks you mess with their heads and pretend like you aren't going to cleanse it until it gets really close and then you cleanse it, or at least that's what our healers do. When you get death marked you say something to the effect of hey I got death marked, and then hope that you are well liked. When your tanks l2switch, your healers l2cleanse, and your range l2kite its time for:

Phase 2: We killed these guys already

Those of you who just can't get enough dread masters will enjoy this phase, featuring two blasts from the not-at-all-distant past, Brontes and Styrak in spooky ghost form. Now in theory, Styrak's throne is his weakness because when someone clicks it it weakens him, but in reality it weakens your raid and causes you to miss the dps check or makes a tank die. Most times you ignore the throne and kill Styrak. Once the dead guys are dead again you move on to:

Phase 3: Like Phase 1 but Different!

Phase 3 is an exciting and dynamic phase that is exactly the same as phase one, except easier. Bestia doesn't add stacks and all the masters don't hit as hard. If your guild manages to stave off boredom and pay attention well enough to push the masters correctly you'll be ready for:

Phase 4: Our Main Tank is Persian

Phase 4 is where the masters get huge, teleport to the middle, and everyone stands in between them. This phase is where tanks pretend they're still relevant and contributing to a kill and is also the perfect time for snipers to reveal that they fat fingered ballistic shield earlier in the fight. Once you kill the mans its time for:

Phase 5: The Afterglow

Congratulations on your main hand, oriconian targeter's belt, and oriconian bulwark's hands. You are also guaranteed to get a Praxon Pyroclast speeder unless someone in the group deserves one.

More important than loot however is that now you have killed the Dread Masters you are now officially "Mr. Cool"

Try not to anger too many "casuals" with your "2 button epics" and always remember that your accomplishments mean nothing because it's HARD MODE.
<Death and Taxes>

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OMGITSJAD
11.04.2013 , 11:57 PM | #3
Oh my god this is so true and freaking hilarious!

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RikuvonDrake
11.05.2013 , 12:15 AM | #4
One of the best posts in the history of this forum.

Bloodworthy - Tomb of Freedon Nadd - The Red Eclipse

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Helig
11.05.2013 , 12:22 AM | #5
Nice post, I approve
"I'm not *giving* him cake, I'm *assaulting* him with cake!" - Pinkamena Diane Pie

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DieGhostDie
11.05.2013 , 12:42 AM | #6
This thread needs a like button
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Beslley
11.05.2013 , 01:18 AM | #7
Toasting in an epic bread
<Death and Taxes>
Prophecy of the Five

Beslley - dps sorc | Arenatah - snoipah | Nef'arian - dps op | Alexstraza - slinger
KHEM VAL IS MY COPILOT

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akabane_k
11.05.2013 , 01:30 AM | #8
those blow up adds are the best part of the entire op

FridgeLM's Avatar


FridgeLM
11.05.2013 , 02:18 AM | #9
well I was going to do part 2 tomorrow but I had nothing to do, so enjoy
<Death and Taxes>

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Beslley
11.05.2013 , 04:10 AM | #10
Quote: Originally Posted by FridgeLM View Post
well I was going to do part 2 tomorrow but I had nothing to do, so enjoy
You are a gentleman and a scholar.
<Death and Taxes>
Prophecy of the Five

Beslley - dps sorc | Arenatah - snoipah | Nef'arian - dps op | Alexstraza - slinger
KHEM VAL IS MY COPILOT