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When I Wake


EverSteam

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The sads hurt so good. D; You keep bringing me to tears and I'll be blowing my nose for weeks. *sniffle*

:o

 

 

@Hoyden: Don't stop reading! I'd be so sad if you did! :(

I thought you'd like Skadge dying :D

I know. Blizz is adorable. How could she not love Blizz??

 

 

-----

 

A little while later...

 

 

I stand in the doorway and watch her as she pretends I'm not there. She only continues to read.

 

'Easier to ignore someone when you're not on the same ship,' I suggest helpfully.

 

She doesn't reply. I don't move.

 

'Stop pretending I'm not here, Mako. Stop sulking like a spoilt child. All you ever do is whinge and wallow in self pity.' I put more venom into it then I feel. I don't really feel very much. It gets the right reaction.

 

'Fine! If I'm so intolerable I might as well leave.' She stands up angrily and starts packing her bag. She rants at me. There are tears falling down her face. I'm not moved.

 

'I was starting to think you were ok, but I guess I was wrong! When Braden first talked about you, I don't know what I expected. But you're a lot worse than whatever it was. Wish I'd never joined this stupid crew. No prize money was worth this.'

 

She keeps stalking around the room, throwing things into the bag. 'You don't care for anyone else, do you? You never loved Torian. You haven't even cried since he died. I might be a child, but at least I'm not a cold hearted wompa. You didn't deserve him.'

 

She tries to push past me. But I push back. I reach out and hold her throat and lift her easily off the ground.

 

I sneer in her face as one hand tries to unclasp mine from her neck as the other still holds her bag tight.

 

'I was going to let you leave here alive but know you've made me change my mind. Always were a stupid little girl. You. Don't. Know. Anything.' Each word is punctuated by a tighter squeeze.

 

'What I don't know- is- how he could- love- a thing like- you,' she breathes in between gasps.

 

'And I don't know how you could ever hope he would love someone as pathetic and weak as you. You really didn't know him.' She tries to speak more but can't and her legs uselessly flail.

 

'Good bye, Mako.'

 

I give one final squeeze and hear a small crack. I throw her against the wall and shut the door behind me. I'll deal with her body later.

 

I return to the **** pit. And I dock on the Tyrant.

Edited by EverSteam
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*doo dee dum, Goes to catch up on some reading.....doo dee dum, Oh wow!! this Mandalorian interlude is awesome, so sweet!! I love it, look at them grow as a couple!! I love how BH is growing and finding purpose!! Dum deee dum dee dum,.....Torian dies........CRY ALL THE TEARS*

 

I think I re-read that line 10 times before it sunk in, hoping he would be saved like all the other times, and then he wasn't, and you made my heart hurt so much!! Masterfully written, to the point where I'm in just as much disbelief as your BH, I keep expecting him to come back....but he won't, and that makes it hurt even worse. Fyi, I'm watching Bleach for the first time, so I've been listening to Torian's voice almost daily for the last week, so yay, feels like it hurt even more, cause in my mind I'm going "Ichigo/Torian!! Noooooooooo*

 

On the up side, Hurray for dead Skadge and Mako!!

 

Seriously though, I'm gonna go watch some more Bleach now and listen to a still very alive Ichigo.

 

My emotions need a hug.....

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Mako just never knows when to shut her mouth does she? I'm amazed she's lived this long.

I know. It really is. It would make no sense for my BH to keep her alive anymore.

 

@Earthmama: Thanks for the compliments you weaved in there ;):o

Hurray! :D

And isn't Ichigo technically dead since he's a shinigami? :p;)

But I'm glad you're enjoying it (in a way). :)

 

Also posted a little thing on Yours to Hold yesterday if anyone missed it.

 

 

 

----

 

Tyrant

 

 

I message Corridan. Ask if he's cleared off the planet. Replies that they're already on a ship to their next target.

 

Seems like everything's all clear.

 

 

-----

 

 

No welcoming party this time.

 

I walk down the corridors unfettered. Some bow to me or salute. I ignore them. Ship looks good. Been repaired well. And there are more soldiers then I remember. When I reach the bridge, Tormen isn't there. I am given directions to his private quarters and told he would like me and the Chancellor to meet with him there.

 

I consent and keep the walls up in my mind. I don't want him to know I'm coming. If I can do this right, I'll get to destroy Corellia. If I do this wrong, I'll only get Tormen's head. And I always do things right.

 

My arrival is announced by a guard at the door and when I enter, I see Tormen standing with a Lieutenant in the middle of the room. Tormen isn't in his armour. He is dressed in formal Sith robes. I bite back a sneer. It will make my task easier. As he turns to face me, I throw up walls of satisfaction, lust and greed. Just like I was always taught. I hide my anger. I can't let him know what's coming.

 

I quickly take note of the rooms entry and exit points, the number of soldiers - fourteen - and the very large bed against one wall, half hidden by a curtain. A large window forms one wall opposite from the main entrance to the room.

 

I throw the Chancellor down at Tormen's feet.

 

'Here lies the ruler of the Republic. A ruined old man, crumpled at my feet.' He says with majestic melodrama. I only remain silent. I don't point out that I am the one that killed the Chancellor, not him.

 

Tormen dismisses the other soldiers with an order to remove the Chancellors body, leaving us alone. He turns away and walks to the large window. I follow him but stand slightly behind, only seen in his peripheral. It's not out of deference.

 

'Today, we have shaken the galaxy to its core,' Tormen begins. Surprised he's including the 'we'. 'All will know our names, and tremble.' Names? What name will the galaxy choose for me now? Know they won't choose the one love most. But I've chosen a new name for myself, courtesy of Torian. I like this one so very much. It really does sum everything up.

 

Tormen extends his arm and motions it to the vast galaxy before us and the battle that rages outside as he speaks. It is almost over and it is clear the Empire is the victor.

 

'Relish it. There will be other victories but none this sweet.'

 

I nod at his words. Yes. Nothing will be as sweet as putting a bullet through this man's head. I resist the urge to touch the lightsabers of the Supreme Guard that hang on my belt. I don't speak. I don't trust myself. This victory had been far from sweet. I settle for a leer.

 

'You are a valuable asset. Perhaps my most valuable. I will make good use of your talents when I take my place among the Dark Council.' There is something suggestive in his voice and looks, his yellow eyes that rove over my body before returning them to the ending battle. I hide my repulsion and keep my wall of lust and greed.

 

'Only if there's pay, Tormen. I'm not cheap,' I reply, taking small and cautious steps back.

 

'Do not fear, my Bounty Hunter. Working under me can be very rewarding.' The same suggestiveness lines his voice but he doesn't watch me as he speaks, his gaze is fixed on the planets beyond the glass that he will never be able to touch.

 

My turret comes out slowly, my thoughts and actions carefully constructed to not give him warning. The bolt hits his right shoulder, removing any ability to move his right arm without searing pain. He screams out in anger. He ignites his lightsaber and jumps toward me, awkwardly holding it in his left.

 

I ignite the ones at my belt and block his attacks easily. When there is an opening, I twist to the side and stab his bare back, the right point to paralyse his legs. I spin to face his front as he falls to the ground. I cut off his empty hands. Even kneeling a Sith is dangerous.

 

I reach down and pull him to his immobilized feet, my hand at his neck.

 

'I am my own woman, Tormen. I am not your asset. I am not your Bounty Hunter. I am not your anything.' I drive the lightsaber into his genitals. I pull his face down to mine and whisper in his ear.

 

'And this is for Torian.'

 

I snap his neck like a large red twig. It felt good. Very good. Still as quick as the old days. Still as strong as the old days. Only wish Torian were here to see me do this. Though I know he wouldn't approve of shooting a man in the back - even if it was a man like Tormen.

 

I go to the intercom and call the bridge. I order an assault on Coronet City. The fleet captain questions my authority. I inform him I'm Torman's partner and bounty hunter and remind him that following the path of the old Captain isn't a wise career move. He is eager to follow my orders.

 

As the Sith fleet turns their attack to the planet in orbit, the Republic takes their chance and makes large strokes against the Empire's fleet, a final stand. I don't watch the destruction of the insidious city. I don't have time. I only console myself that everything went as well as it could. And I will finally be free of it.

 

I enter my own ship and leave. I leave a burning Corellia behind me. I don't look back.

 

'Not the end yet, Cyare.'

 

 

-----

 

 

 

End of When I Wake.

Will continue in another thread when I decide a name.

Please keep reading. Still have much to conclude like the General's children and the Secondary.

 

Edited by EverSteam
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The End...well, not the end for her, because, as you say, much to resolve one way or another, but that was quite a ride. Congrats on creating a truly interesting character who is sympathetic and yet rarely what we would consider good. I love anti-heroes :)

 

My heart hurts a bit, even still, looking back over their relationship, the way it built and became something real and good. I hurt for her because she never gets nice things. Not to keep. :(

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Bravo! Have loved this story from beginning to end!

 

(also as for Bleach, I'm just at the very beginning of the series, the dude still has a human body he jumps in and out of....so alive as of where I am in that story.)

 

I look forward to following your BH on her future rampages. Well done!

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I'm already following your bounty hunter for a while now, but I never had the courage to post. But finally I decided to reply. Your story is great. The emotions of your bounty hunter go straight to the heart. And I love the way how the same event feels so different from another point of view.

 

And yahoo! Skadge went through the airlock as a dead corpse. This moment made me happy:D And for Mako... well, she really called for it. (You never mentioned 2V, if I remember correctly. Did your bounty hunter blast him into pieces before he arrived on Taris?;))

 

I'm already very curious what your bounty hunter will do next.

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I want to reply now too.

 

Your story has been great to read. I personally think your BH is horrible, though I can sympathize with how she got that way. I'm just hoping she's on the losing end of her confrontation with havoc squad. Although I guess that's not fair- I don't know the havoc quad of your universe, they could be awful people too. Can't wait to find out!

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eeeeeee. Tormen deserved it

That he did! How dare he hurt Torian so much. More I think about it, more I wish she killed him sooner. :mad:

The End...well, not the end for her, because, as you say, much to resolve one way or another, but that was quite a ride. Congrats on creating a truly interesting character who is sympathetic and yet rarely what we would consider good. I love anti-heroes

My heart hurts a bit, even still, looking back over their relationship, the way it built and became something real and good. I hurt for her because she never gets nice things. Not to keep.

Thanks :o

And I can't end without saying a mushy thank you - your and Milani's constant support have made a very large difference to me in confidence, perseverance and so on as well as continually making me feel happy and the such. :o

And thank you to all you other lovely people that sit there quietly reading and (hopefully) enjoying that might one day comment and make me very, very happy ;)

Yeah, I don't think anyone could call her classically 'good' but I like her. Though she scares me sometimes...

Bravo! Have loved this story from beginning to end!

(also as for Bleach, I'm just at the very beginning of the series, the dude still has a human body he jumps in and out of....so alive as of where I am in that story.)

I look forward to following your BH on her future rampages. Well done!

Thanks :o

I'm glad your looking forward to more and enjoyed it all. :D

(On the subject of Bleach in which I'm widely ignorant: I suppose it's complicated. I don't really watch or read it much so I don't know :D (apologies if I'm horribly wrong ;) ))

There will be many more rampages. Please continue to look forward to them and read them. :o

I'm already following your bounty hunter for a while now, but I never had the courage to post. But finally I decided to reply. Your story is great. The emotions of your bounty hunter go straight to the heart. And I love the way how the same event feels so different from another point of view.

And yahoo! Skadge went through the airlock as a dead corpse. This moment made me happy And for Mako... well, she really called for it. (You never mentioned 2V, if I remember correctly. Did your bounty hunter blast him into pieces before he arrived on Taris?)

I'm already very curious what your bounty hunter will do next.

Don't worry, I'm not my BH. I don't stab people who comment (not often, at least ;))

I know. Posting is terrifying :o. I was still scared of posting by the end of When I Wake and still am. Commenting on anything is always scarey. But your opinion and comment means a lot to me :)

I'm glad you like it! That makes me really happy!

Well, I couldn't kill Mako and not kill Skadge ;) (though I was/am scared it made me lose any Mako fans I might have had reading this)

2V was there at the start. He used to cook but got replaced by Torian (implied). Also, when she's alone after Tython she removes the droids vocabulator (is that even the word for it???) and then I just imagined him being under an old sheet in the corner of a room somewhere...

I'm curious about what she'll do next too! :D

I want to reply now too.

Your story has been great to read. I personally think your BH is horrible, though I can sympathize with how she got that way. I'm just hoping she's on the losing end of her confrontation with havoc squad. Although I guess that's not fair- I don't know the havoc quad of your universe, they could be awful people too. Can't wait to find out!

I'm glad you liked it :)

I don't deny that she is a twisted, twisted person who has serious issues and has done bad things (and will most certainly continue them (though it is all a point of view)). ;)

I'm glad that despite finding her bad you kept reading and you are looking forward to the end. :)

I have no comment on the persuasion of my Havoc Squad. That would be a spoiler ;)

 

 

If anyone is interested, here is an AU of Torian's death (light reading, of course :rolleyes:). I figure I might as well post it instead of it rotting (metaphorically of course) on my computer.

 

 

 

 

I roll into a stand. My head is slightly dizzy from the force push. I grab the lightsaber that fell next to me. It is warm and light in my hand.

 

I activate it.

 

It's hum is loud in my ears. I test it's moveability while they watch me warily. I remember the last time I fought with these. Ten years is a long time. But I know the theory. I may have failed then, but I will not now. The saber is an extension of my arm. And with it I will have my retribution.

 

I was stupid. Rookie mistake. I lost sight of the game when they struck Torian down. They disarmed me. But not before I could do that same. It was a reflex. And hopefully, it has saved what is left of my life.

 

My blaster is on the other side of the room. I'm out of rockets and I have built up too much heat. I will need a weapon to make it to my blaster. And a lightsaber is as good as any.

 

They do not speak. A male and a female. Both human. They aren't like other Jedi. A lot stronger. Strongest I have ever fought. They use force powers like a Sith, but fight coldly and mercilessly. There isn't rage or hatred fuelling them or blazing in their eyes; there isn't a peace in their soul. They just are. And that is terrifying.

 

The male is bleeding from a hit to his shoulder and a scrape on his waist. I electro dart the woman and spring to the man, lightsaber coming down on where his head should be. He ducks easily, swinging for a retaliation strike that I already saw coming. I roll down and pick up my blaster. The jedi comes in for a kill while my back is turned. I turn quickly and fire into his chest.

 

I am painfully aware of the time that is passing. I don't dare to take my eyes from the female Jedi. So I listen and count the heart beats. There are still three. Two are weak.

 

One down, another to go.

 

-----

 

 

Before her body can hit the floor, I'm running to Torian.

 

I take off his armour and look at the wound. The armour is crushed and bent. Large cut going down the disfigured shape. So much for beskar. It's bad. The cut runs straight up his torso. Everything is damaged. He will die. And he knows it. He has about ten minutes. Fifteen tops. But that's more petty optimism. I don't do him the shame of lying to him. I stare into his blue eyes. There is pain there. Love. And strangely, happiness. Suppose this is as glorious as Mandalorian deaths can go.

 

And I suppose this is how long our forever lasts.

 

I rest his head on my lap. I pull some pain killers out of a small satchel and inject them all into his wrist. I stroke his hair. It's a little wet with sweat, but still soft. I can't help but be aware that this is the last time I will ever stroke it.

 

'Torian.' I am choking on air. I can't think of what I want to say. 'Verd ori'shya beskar'gam. Huh?' A warrior's more than his armour. Huh? It hurts me to say it. Not the best last words to say to someone so crucial. So precious. So important.

 

'Fifty six.' I smile wanly.

 

'Sixty one.' He coughs at the end. But there is victory blazing in his eyes.

 

'And so the student surpasses the master. You win. Guess I owe you whatever you want.' He nods slightly. It turns into a convulsion. I choke on the words.

 

'Collect. On that. Later, Cyare.'

 

Can't think of what else to say. So I talk of nothing, and hope that somewhere in my continuing speech, there is something that makes him happy. And that it might make his mind wander from the pain.

 

'I remember when I first saw you. When I was crowned Champion of the Great Hunt... how many months now? Eight. Or ten. Almost a year. You stood out. In one crowded moment, you were the only one in the room.'* I shrug. Helpless and pointless to deny anything now. Gave up months ago.

 

'Denied what I felt at first. But I loved you. Kept hoping to see you on Mandalore's ship. So I was so pleased and surprised when you were on Drumond Kaas. And then on Taris. Seems a life time ago. Thought you wouldn't stick around after seeing me, you know... decay.'

 

I shrug again. It's a long shuddering thing that is anything but nonchalant. 'I didn't think it would end like this for you. I expected to die today, not you. I will avenge you.'

 

He smiles and tries to move a hand to my lips. Still trying to nod. I grab his hand and hold it tight. It's already getting colder. 'Would like. That.'

 

I don't know what to say. So I stare into his eyes.

 

'I'm glad you came to Taris.'

 

His face is serious. Meaningful. Truthful. The words, his voice, are potent and firm. No spluttering. His eyes slip shut for a moment. But then they open and they have the same honest, open force as always.

 

I want to cry. Water runs from my nose and it slips between my tight, grimacing lips. It's salty. My throat is aching from the inside, tight and burning. I shake my head. My body is shuddering with silent sobs. But I try and hold it back. I smile down at him. A trembling, joking thing; a shadow of happiness against the pain of this cruel reality.

 

I would have given the world for him to smile. To live. I would have sacrificed everything just for him to be safe somewhere. Even if it was not with me. It was always enough to have him safe. And it was more than enough to just have him at my side. I didn't deserve more. I do deserve this - this pain. But he doesn't. If anyone deserved to live long and well, it was him.

 

'Suppose it was lucky you decided to tag along with me.' My smile can't last till the end of the sentence. I don't think anything could be so far removed from the truth.

 

'Luck. Had nothing to do. With it.' His sentence is punctuated with coughs and spasms. Four minutes, there about. 'Know a sure thing when I see it.' For a second, he grins perfectly. As if we were back on the ship, talking and drinking. Then he grimaces in pain. 'Mesh'la.' Beautiful. He gazes deep into my eye. 'Know that?'

 

Torian grips his techstaff tighter. His hand is becoming cold to even my touch. I shake and nod my head. It's a silly, circling motion that would be funny at any other time.

 

'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.' His nose is bleeding a little as he strains to breathe and speak. 'Yours. Always.'

 

'K'uur! Calm, ner aran.' I cross our wrists. 'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum. All that is me will always be yours. Haat, Ijaa, Haa'it.' Lovers first, warriors second. Mando'ad always.

 

He whispers the three words. His strong voice is broken and shaky. It bleeds my soul. He is slipping. But I know he still hears me. His eyes don't leave mine. And I know we will see each other again.

 

Two minutes.

 

'Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la. We will meet again,' he whispers. But the words are loud and clear in my ears. Not gone, merely marching far away.

 

I nod. I like how he always knew my thoughts. And how they were always his as well. He stares into my eye and I can't look away. I hate the memories of all the times I didn't look. I should have looked. While I still had the chance. One minute left.

 

'Wait for me.' I choke the words out. I will be with him soon. But vengeance must come first.

 

'Elek. Darasuum.'

 

Yes. Forever.

 

I suppose as far as last words go, they are the best. Strange, as his heart beats for the last time, his face becomes calm. How is it when good people die, the agony of the death always slips from their face to leave blank peacefulness? I wonder if I will have the same expression.

 

I remain still for a long time. And then I notice something I never had before. There is a leather cord around his neck. I tug at it. It is rather long. I reach around his neck and feel something sharp. It cuts my finger. I pull it round and stare at it. It's the tooth I gave him on Nar Shaddaa. The one from the Sire of the Brood on Drumond Kaas. Day we first spoke.

 

It is polished and a small hole is through the thick base so the cord could go through it. Corridan's voice is in my mind. 'Showed me the tooth you gave him.' Never knew he wore it. I don't know how I never noticed.

 

'I'll keep it close.'

 

I weep tearlessly for a long undefinable time. When it all goes, all that is left is the familiar fierce anger. Targeting systems go online. The same well-known dark strength courses through me.

I turn on the dying Jedi. I poorly patch up their wounds. And then I have hours of fun and revenge.

 

But it doesn't take the pain away.

 

 

Personally, not big on the long conversations before dying. But movie makers seem to like them. :rolleyes:

 

And a link to The Life that's Left (sequel):

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=573130

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  • 5 weeks later...

I just wanted to say that I love your writing. And the story was so very good. :)

But too sad with Torian gone for me. I hate to say that I won't be continuing on reading. With my line of work, I need happier stories. But keep on writing. You so such a wonderful job of it.

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Damn. Torian dies, by far my favorite BH companion. Now I can't wait to see what your Hunter does next.

Yeah, yeah he does... :( I sometimes regret that each day. Hope you've kept reading on the other thread :)

I just wanted to say that I love your writing. And the story was so very good. :)

But too sad with Torian gone for me. I hate to say that I won't be continuing on reading. With my line of work, I need happier stories. But keep on writing. You so such a wonderful job of it.

Thanks :)

It's ok, I thought you might say that. I'm suspecting others have felt the same. I was wondering for a while if you had finished reading.

If your interested, I'm very vaguely writing an AU where Torian doesn't die in the Alternate Universe Weekly thread called Haran. It's guaranteed plain happiness with a very alive and loving Torian.

Here's a link to the first installment: http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=523609&page=44

Happy one is the second post on that page of mine and there's two?? more so far up. Please read and enjoy. :)

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