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The Life that's Left

EverSteam's Avatar

01.27.2013 , 05:04 AM | #51
Quote: Originally Posted by MilaniGrey View Post
Just the whole situation. Didn't mean it in a negative light, don't worry.
I do worry, I do! You should tell me what exactly so I can make it less odd.
Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
Messed up and hilarious!
I'm glad you think so too!
I laugh at things sometimes but I don't always know if other people will find it funny or not so it makes me feel a lot better and happier for you to say that

I may not post for a while as Jonas is being uncooperative with me.
I will try my hardest (or roughly that) to sort him out and be posting again before the end of the week.

MilaniGrey's Avatar

01.27.2013 , 10:50 AM | #52
Quote: Originally Posted by EverSteam View Post
I do worry, I do! You should tell me what exactly so I can make it less odd.

I'm glad you think so too!
I laugh at things sometimes but I don't always know if other people will find it funny or not so it makes me feel a lot better and happier for you to say that

I may not post for a while as Jonas is being uncooperative with me.
I will try my hardest (or roughly that) to sort him out and be posting again before the end of the week.
I mean Leer's situation. Life? Predicament. It's just all rather.. odd, I guess. Odd and sad. The things she's been through, and then to have this blast from the past show up. That's gotta be rough. Don't change a thing!
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox

EverSteam's Avatar

01.30.2013 , 07:32 AM | #53
Quote: Originally Posted by MilaniGrey View Post
I mean Leer's situation. Life? Predicament. It's just all rather.. odd, I guess. Odd and sad. The things she's been through, and then to have this blast from the past show up. That's gotta be rough. Don't change a thing!
I won't then.


An hour later...

'I thought we could do this civilly but it seems we can't.'

I whisper the words in Balkar's ear as I hold a blade to his throat, my turret pointed at his head and my free hand swiftly grabbing and restraining his hands. He drops the glasses he had been holding, spilling wine and shattering glass over my bare feet. I don't feel anything.

'You're making a mistake,' Balkar says with too much of a threat for someone with a knife to their throat and no help to call for.

'I don't think so. I already took out all the buddies you had around here.' I force him to his knees and bind his hands. I walk around to face him and crouch down in front of him, not letting my turret lose its lock on him for a moment. I assess he crouching form: lean body, would be rather agile and fast, possibly quick reflexes and definitely a quick mind.

I take off my back pack and pull out the bottles.

'See, I really did intend for this to go nicer, but there's no helping it now. I'm assuming those men were going to be contacted on intervals and when they don't answer in fifteen minutes, there will be more on the way. Believe it or not, I don't want to kill them.' There's only two people I want to kill left. I only need to find them first.

'Don't hold it against me if I have trouble taking your word for it,' Balkar cynically remarks as he glares at me from under his now tussled dark brown hair. He could be attractive to certain types. I wonder if she found him attractive.

'I won't. Now, I also know that there are probably listening devices wirelessly hooked up around this apartment so I brought this,' I pull out the device from my bag and put it on the ground in front of us, 'which I turned on before entering the building. They won't be able to hear or see anything.'

I continue without him speaking. I know he's hoping I'll enjoy the sound of my voice so much that I will still be talking when more men show up. If they do - if it takes that long - I will kill them and continue. But finding anything from him is a long shot. I only need to kill him or hurt him enough to make her come after me.

'You really should have stayed off planet and shut down shop. You might have lived a little while longer.'

'But then I'd miss this charming conversation with a beautiful Republic hating and charmingly insane woman.'

'Smooth, Jonas, but I know men who could teach you a few lessons in biting mockery. Now to business.' I slap his face with the back of my hand, his jaw making a small crunching noise. 'Where is the leader of Havoc Squad?'

'I wouldn't know. I've haven't met him.' I smirk at the incorrect gender. He does know. Such a subtle and small trick won't work on me.

'See, I know you have. Many times. I have her brother's records who I'm sure you know I visited a month ago. So why don't we skip the f***ing crap so we can both move on with our nights?'

'You wouldn't get information from me even if I had any.'

I punch him hard across the jaw, breaking the skin his clean-shaven cheek. 'Tell me where she is.'

He only spits blood at my feet and remains silent. I extend my blade again and press it into his shirt, cutting a small slit that fills with blood as my knife digs into his collar bone.

'Tell me where she is.' I trail the knife very, very slowly down his body. He winces in pain but refuses to make a noise. I stop when my knife reaches the indent of belly button and press the knife in, twisting it one way and then the other.

'Tell me where she is.'

I grab his hair and put the knife to his throat. Forcing his head up to look at me. 'Never.'

I stare into his eyes and what I see makes me sneer at him and throw him away to the ground where he only lies on his side and watches me with uncontained loathing. This is far from the best interrogation I've ever done but I don't have much time or patience and I have no reason for giving him the chance to guess anything about me.

'I hope she's worth it, Balkar. Dying for that is.' He only continues to glare at me with blue daggers. Balkar's eyes aren't as blue or deep as his. They don't make me tremble or flinch.

'Because if you don't tell me what I want to know, you will be dying.'

'She is invaluable to the Republic,' he bravely and foolishly responds. I never picked a smooth talking agent for a patriot.

'And to you, it seems.' I grab his cheeks in my right hand, my palm cupping his chin. I dig in my nails until they fill with blood that drips down his face. I force him to hold my eyes. 'Tell me: after you're dead, after you leave her with the knowledge you died to protect her, how do you think she will feel? Happy? Pleased? Grateful?'

I move my left knife to his heart and begin to slowly press. 'Or will she feel like this knife is cutting into her heart?' I retract my blade and punch his stomach hard in anger at something he has nothing to do with. Some ribs crack and he begrudgingly gasps. 'Dying for people only hurts them. If you want what's best for her and yourself, you will tell me where she is and walk away from here alive.'

'If I tell you, you will kill us both anyway.'

'Maybe, maybe not. You don't know that. And you know something, there are few things can hurt more than the physical. One would be what you would be doing to her.'

'Are you speaking from experience, bounty hunter?' I know what having someone remove your heart feels like. I know what it feels like to have someone that's a part of you leave. I'd take the first every time.

I let go of his cheeks, some skin tearing away in my nails. I pick the skin out of my nails with indifference. 'Ah, Balkar, stop trying to stall for time. Even if the men come, I'll kill them all and we will be back to sitting here.' When I'm done cleaning them, I admire the bloody results.

'Our sources tell us you have a husband. Where is he?'

'You know where, Balkar. This game won't work on me. I can tell you're trying to cut your bounds with a small knife you kept in your sleeve. But you see this,' I point to the turret that sits proud like a pet bird on my shoulder, 'will shoot you dead as soon as you break free. Then we will both lose.'

I move closer to him and grab his neck, holding him upright on his knees and forcing him to stare into my eyes as my other hand takes the knife, ignoring the mild twinge as it cuts my palm. I throw it over my shoulder where it clatters to the floor loudly.

'See, Balkar, I have a feeling that after I shot her brother, captured her other brother and kill you, she will come after me willingly. You can't win this. So be a smart agent and do what's best for yourself.'


'Wow, people really are dumb when they're in love. I would have thought SIS agent's would be trained to not fall in love.'

'They are. I don't love her.'

'You fail as an agent, Balkar. Now tell me where she is.'


'Does she love you too?' Nothing definable changes in his eyes or features. But I feel the answer and I laugh at him. 'Poor little agent. She doesn't even know how you feel, does she?' He tries to spit on my face but fails. He does an admirable job of trying to retaining an air and set jaw of arrogant dignity when having bloody spit slipping down your chin.

'Does she love someone else?' Nothing changes again. He can be a good agent when he needs to. I laugh again. I know what no change means more than any change. 'I pity you. Not enough to not kill you but enough to make it hurt a lot less. Of course, you could always just tell me where she is now.'


'You seem to say that a lot. I was taught that 'never' didn't exist. I can give you a seven minute lesson in it if you want.'

He doesn't reply and no speeders or shouts interrupt the silence this deep into the sector. I begin my work with a fierce leer. After five minutes I pause and look at my work. I open a bottle of wine and drink a few mouthfuls, the wine escaping from the edges of my lips, staining them a dark red and leaving trails of seeping red down my chin.

'Now tell me where she is.'

'Never.' He spits blood on my pants and I frown down at it.

'That was unnecessary. They were my best pants.' I stand up and dust off my pants, careful to avoid the blood. I hear his reinforcements approaching from four blocks away. I bend down and grab his neck and pull him to his feet, forcing him to stand on tip toes. 'We're out of time.'

I extend the blade on my left hand and press it to his chest. 'Any last words?'

Before he can begin to fail at answering , my holo beeps. I fling him to the ground carelessly and answer. . I feel like I am tugged out of a sweet dream before I was ready to wake up.

Damin appears as a small, flickering holo image.

'Meet me at the coordinates I'm sending you now.'

'I'm busy,' I say with vague irritation as I glower at Damin instead of Balkar. I don't tolerate people skipping pleasantries without permission. I wipe the blood and wine off my face as I reply but only smudge it further as the blood on my hands blends the blood on my face.

'I can see that,' he replies in a voice void of disdain or amusement. 'I won't wait.' 'Now or never', huh, Torian?

Damin hangs up. I look down at Jonas whose moved to sit against a wall. I listen and hear his men surrounding the building. It would be simple to shoot him now and leave. But the dream was interrupted. It's not the same.

I walk over to him and bend down in front of him.

'Good bye, Jonas. Tell her I said hello and I'm expecting her visit.'

I knock him out. Love or not, his scarred body will be enough for her to come. I slip out of the building.

Now where's a refresher...?



iamthehoyden's Avatar

01.30.2013 , 02:36 PM | #54
Ouch. That one hurt. I'll cry one less tear for her when she dies because of that one. Balkar
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

EverSteam's Avatar

02.04.2013 , 07:40 AM | #55
Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
Ouch. That one hurt. I'll cry one less tear for her when she dies because of that one. Balkar
Yeah... poor, poor Balkar.
Still... it could be worse... it was only a few minutes and he's still alive. There might be hope for what could be entitled 'Jonas Balkar's Revenge'. (It would only have to be a tiny hope though. )


Part One: Three hours later....

'For someone in such a hurry for this meeting you're very late.'

I stand up from my hidden, dark perch when I see his form approach from the shadows across the alley. I know it's him from his walk and figure but there's something wrong with my readings of him. I switch my vision to normal again.

He's in something close to street clothes but they are too expensive and clean for him to fit in here. Again his shirt has a high collar and his fringe in the same way to hide his black eye. I'm glad. This is hard enough without staring straight at my reminders. I've always been a coward.

'I was making sure your friends weren't around,' he evenly replies as he approaches me.

I nod and we walk together with space between us, not talking. We turn down side streets and back alleys, going in loops and back tracking but still heading deeper into the sector. I break us into an apartment. Lucky for the owners, they aren't home.

'Damin,' I start as I step back. 'I think you need to tell me what happened to you before we go any further.' I pull out my gun and aim for his head. 'Because right now, all I'm reading off you is a droid.'

'It's me.'

'Prove it.'

Damin rolls up a sleeve and deftly pulls a knife from his belt. He cuts across the back of his forearm and holds it up to me. Blood slithers down his arm with eagerness and sighs a small 'blop' wen it hits the ground.

I curse and smile, moving to him with a kolto patch and bandage. 'You know I didn't mean it like that.'

'You would never believe me for anything less.'

I smirk and glance up to his watchful eyes. His arm is tense under my touch. 'I didn't know I was so predictable.'

'You only haven't changed.' His hands move to hold my red hair back from my face, revealing my cybernetic eye. I look up to him. He smiles a little at whatever he sees.

'You missed a spot of blood,' he says with a larger smile. I doubt the sincerity of it. I can't forget what he is now. I can't trust him. Do you ever trust anyone?

I scowl at him and step away, my hair falling again to hide it. 'So are you going to explain it or do I have to shoot you?' I press the blaster up under his chin.

Damin frowns a little but then it twists into a neutral line. He doesn't speak. I know he's calculating how much he should tell me.

'I needed a disguise.' A simple answer.

'So instead of putting on a wookie costume you decided to give yourself implants so you look like a droid?'

'Something like that,' he evades with an easy smile. He leans against the closest wall and looks me over with a casualness that hides his evaluation. I haven't put my gun away.

'A job must completed no matter what, huh, Damin?'

He frowns at the jibe. 'Yes.'

'Fool. Show me them,' I demand.

He unbuttons his vest with a clam slowness, drops it on the ground and then pulls off his shirt. He turns his back to me and I wince. I reach out and touch the three red scars that are barely healing. I switch through my visions. His life signs are all a droids.

'Do I appear as a droid to you?' he asks in the same quiet and steady voice.

'Yes,' I softly confirm. He can appear on the outside what I am on the inside. If there is such thing as fate, it is a twisted disgusting thing that has thrown it's best at me. And the memory of feeling like something good was to come is a mocking stone in my stomach. A fool and a coward.

He pulls his shirt back on. I'm glad. I couldn't look at my own contributions to his body anymore. Are you really going to tell yourself that's the only reason? A fool, coward and liar. At least Gault's honest with himself about what his is.

'What now, Cipher Nine?' I look him over as he leans against the wall again, his arms crossed across his chest. I don't know what to do with my hands or arms. We're on equal footing like we have never been before. 'Are you going to attempt to kill me?'


'Do you want to?'


'I... didn't ever want to hurt you.' I stumble over the weak and inadequate apology.

'I know. They punished you for it.' Damin has always been so assured of himself that he rarely asks questions.

He remains blank as he stares at me and I wonder if he is only like this for me and his superiors. No. He would charming and obedient to them.

'How long did they?' he asks with averted eyes and face. I wonder what the Cipher feels underneath. It's not only what I did to him that he might hold against me. Sometimes what we don't do can hurt a lot more.

'Seven months.' But it was worth it to see you alive now. It seems the only way to ever save someone else is to sacrifice yourself. I wish it wasn't true.


'Of course.'

'I'm sorry.' He hesitates as he speaks. His arms move from his side a little but fall again. I tell myself I don't want the comfort for what happened so long ago. Before two weeks ago, we had never touched unless it was for me to inflict more pain. But the barriers I had were worn away by Torian's constant, respectful love. I want them back.

'Don't be. It made me stronger,' I stoically assure.

'Or harder.'

I shrug. 'Is there a difference?'

'I don't know.' He always gave me short answers, even then. Different to Torian's and a lot more untrustworthy. Why are you here? Why is he here? Neither of us need the other. I guess that means we must both want to be here.

Damin's hesitation and Agent imitation disappears. He takes a step closer and moves some red hair back from my eyes with a small sad smile on his pale blue lips.

'You've been crying.'

I smile at the words he would always greet me with. I never smiled at them then. And even now, it creates an almost overpowering pang and I want to lie down and cry like I haven't since Gault came aboard. But I can hold it in. I can for as long as I need to.

'How do you know I've been crying?' I reply in kind.

'Because you're here and you look so sad.' He doesn't smile now. I look away from his gentle concern. He drops his hand but doesn't move away. We stand in uncertainty.

'Tell me what happened,' I finally ask. There are years he needs to fill me in on in only a few hours. It will be another long night.



MilaniGrey's Avatar

02.04.2013 , 09:52 AM | #56
Aw, I'd never forget about this thread. <3
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox

iamthehoyden's Avatar

02.04.2013 , 02:25 PM | #57
Damin's an interesting character. I thought the juxstaposition of droid inside/outside was well done.

The Balkar Incident (oh dear it has a name now) is just a very clear reminder that for as much as she's changed in some ways, she is still not a "good" person. She has some decency in a few select places, but that's about it. Complex character.
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

EverSteam's Avatar

02.09.2013 , 07:06 AM | #58
Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
Damin's an interesting character. I thought the juxstaposition of droid inside/outside was well done.
I'm glad you like him.
Thanks. I didn't want to force that point very much but it is a little crucial in the understanding of things.
Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
The Balkar Incident (oh dear it has a name now) is just a very clear reminder that for as much as she's changed in some ways, she is still not a "good" person. She has some decency in a few select places, but that's about it. Complex character.
I'm glad you noticed. I was going for that but it's just a shame that it had to be Balkar...
Quote: Originally Posted by MilaniGrey View Post
Aw, I'd never forget about this thread. <3

Part Two (no time lapse)

'When? Where?'

'After you left, with your contact, with the distributors, with everything.' I wave my hand as if further elaboration is pointless. This apartment is too small for our memories and confused feelings.

'I flew the ship to my father's estate on Dromund Kaas. While my father's people took care of trackers, I informed him of everything that happened and the misleading information I had fed them. I was then sent back to the Imperial Academy to finish my studies before being chosen to work for Intelligence instead of the military. It seems they thought I had already learnt important field work. It was quick, easy and bloody to work my way to here.'

Everything about him is expressionless, as if it was a story of someone else. I wonder if that's how I looked to Torian: distant, apathetic and slightly terrifying. I take his hand. If it was, then this is what he needs. I'm glad to see it almost makes him smile.

'I was on Hutta a few months ago. You left quite a mess to clean up.' He mentions it with no obvious meaning. It seems everyone has to comment on what I've been doing recently. I wish they wouldn't.

I let go of his hand and his neutral expression returns.

'But you still made the Empire profit from it, I'm sure,' I comment with a sly, cynical smile.


'And Cyclone has been shut down?' I ask cautiously.

'Yes.' In the silence that follows his answer, he only stares over my head. Eventually, he continues. 'After our dealings, I went to get the Cyclone analysed,' he explains. 'The data was sent immediately to my contact. We ascertained it was a creation of a supposedly out of business corporation called VereGen. I found an old employer and questioned him. His information led me to the head quarters and to the Resistance where I managed to gain access. It's gone.'

'But?' I'm not surprised he's telling me this. In the end, vague sentences mean nothing and I came here with no expectations.

'My contact left his position,' he calmly informs me. He doesn't make it sound like an evasion. But it is. 'I didn't inform my superiors of information I had on this.'

'Feeling a little guilty?'

'No. I'm getting information in return for my silence.'

'As good as credits or weapons to you, I suppose.'

'Better than both.' He drifts into silence and then continues. 'He's going to give me information on my companion. I need to sleep with both eyes open now.'

'But it's a smart move,' I meaninglessly assure. I can't imagine sleeping any other way.

'I know. Kaliyo called me a 'cowardly piece of filth'.' I don't understand the cause for the comment when bitterness, self pity and self loathing are empty from his voice and expression.

'You're spotless, boy,' I joke as I lean over and brush nonexistent dust from his clean white shirt. 'And only a brave fool would visit their psychotic fling from years past.'

'We never had a fling,' he retorts a little quickly. I see a glimpse of the bitter man again. I couldn't do what he wanted me to. But something in me I hate whispers that if I had gone with him, there was a remote chance of a happiness that has since left me.

'It sounds better than the truth.'

He doesn't reply. There isn't a title for whatever that relationship was. Kolto, pain killers and apologies can't make it better. There was only one thing that could of and it was the one thing I could never do. Will you ever put someone else first?

'So why do you let the Rattataki get under your skin? Like her?' I try to sound casual. I don't why I should have to try to sound something I should be naturally.

'No.' The silence drifts on and my mind doesn't wander. It has no where it really wants to wander to. So it stays here in the present and enjoys feeling close to someone, even if we couldn't be further apart.

'Do you hate me still?' I quietly ask.

'No. I didn't even hate you then.'

'You lie well now,' I despondently reply. Why are you talking like this? Didn't you just say you'd gotten harder? Where is that now?

'I don't lie to you.' I can't say anything in return to that. He was disarming me with words before Torian was. Seems it's a talent he hasn't lost. If he can affect everyone else the way he does me, he must be a good Agent.

But the words unnerve me for another reason. They're a succinct copy of what Gault said to me only a few days ago. I don't dwell on it. Gault's a habitual, slimy liar. It doesn't mean anything. From either of them.

'I didn't ever want to hurt you,' I confess in a quiet voice that is still too loud for this empty room that amplifies our words, breathing and already raging emotions.

'That's a lie.'

'Maybe.' I shrug and look away with a small smile. 'I'm not sure.'

'I understand. I have had to do what you did. I know you had no choice. I have had no choice. But there is a difference.'

'You get paid for it?' I jokingly ask.

A sad smile tugs at his lips. I wonder if it's now only the sad and fake ones that twist his defined lips into a full smile.

'Yes. I have never thought or wanted to free anyone. It isn't because I would be sentencing myself to death. It isn't something they have to brain wash or force, the way doing what you do in that room because something... enjoyable. It becomes almost a need and desire that keeps you awake at night and creeps into restless dreams leaving you in a fever. I will continue to for as long as it's necessary and I will never want or do what you did. I like it too much and them too little.'

I shiver. It isn't because of the picture he brings forward or how something insidious has entered him since we last met. It's because he's so right and I feel the craving stir again. But satisfying that addiction is impossible and can never make you happy.

'Are you happy, Damin?' I suddenly ask.


'A little too honest for Intelligence, aren't you?' I teasingly ask.


His tone is hard. It makes me look at him twice. I sweep the surroundings with my eye and listen. There's only us.

'Do you ever wish I didn't save you?' I ask abruptly.

'I don't know.' I smile and shake my head. I wish my answer was uncertainty. I wish every moment that Torian had let me die or that our places were reversed. But wishing doesn't change anything. Neither does crying.

'Come on, Damin, let's sit.' I sit down on the bantha rug and throw myself onto my back. He stiffly follows, lying down next to me yet with space between us. I'm glad.

'You have a close relationship with Gault Rennow.' He lets the pebble drop and watches what shaped ripples it will cause.

'It is,' I neutrally reply.

'You're sleeping together,' he asserts. But there's an edge in his voice that breaks the calm and dispassionate. He isn't quite perfect at hiding himself. Small things leak through that maybe no one else would notice. But he's close enough to perfect. Disgustingly close.

'You should have made that a question because you're wrong. We're just... friends.' I hesitate. The word doesn't seem right but there isn't a better one. I avoid the question of what Gault and I are. We're only what we always were but it feels like something has changed and I don't know when or how. Maybe I just never noticed something before and I'm the one changing.

'I'm married, Damin.'

'To Torian of clan Cadera,' he begins to recite, dulled red eyes distant as they see words that aren't there. 'You worked a job together on Taris and killed his traitor father, then he joined up with you and your crew. He became a Captain for an operation on Alderaan. Died aged thirty five months ago in a strike against the Republic Chancellor.'

'That's him,' I quietly breathe. The information being delivered so indifferently doesn't make the words or truth hurt less.

'He's dead.'

'I wonder about that sometimes,' I reply with a small, sad smile. His voice is too real, too close. 'Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome. He's still my husband. And I still love him.'

'I understand.' The stoic agent is back. I hate the Damin the rest of the world sees. I wonder if he feels the same about me.

But Leeriah is dead if she ever existed past a seven year old girl. He's speaking to a shadow that will fade as soon as the sun rises and morning comes. Her brief resurrection will end and Ravager Haran will be the one that leaves this building.

I reach my hand out to touch his cheek and turn his face gently to mine. The action makes something ache, and I feel like I just sullied a little bit of my memories. I withdraw my hand quickly and resist the hard urge to recoil in disgust.

'Gault doesn't know about him.'

For the first time, Damin stares at me with shock. I wonder when the last time was that anything shocked him.


I raise an eyebrow at the word but then lower it and shrug. 'I didn't mean for him to stay aboard. It was a temporary arrangement only.' So was the first and then two years past. It seems history will always repeat itself.

'He will find out. When he does, there is a 93% chance he will leave you and a 69% chance he will never stay in contact. But the chance he will become an enemy is a small one. Losing a valuable ally is the extent of the damage it will likely cause.'

The instant assessment is unnerving. I refuse to believe it. Something stupid in me tells me Gault will never leave. Because you never want him to.


'Ven seo ch'a ttan'ehah ebeucot,' he says with a small smile. You always were a complete idiot. I guess you had to be to do what I did. But I would do it again.

'Rab ch'ah recet hen veo ven ch'eo ebeucot.' But I liked it when you were only my idiot.

He moves his hand into my hair and smiles. He moves his other hand to my waist and leans into me, pulling me closer to him. But he only kisses my cheek before letting me go. He analyses its effect on me with a thin smile.

'I was never your idiot.'

'You were. You will be again.'

He sounds confident, like he had some way of knowing with certainty what was going to happen. I wonder what the calculated chance was that it is true. His arrogance is grating, his over confidence irksome.

I shake my head. I feel it would pointless to argue with him and I am far too tired to bother. I unconsciously begin to scratch my hand.

'What is your interest in Cyclone, Leeriah?' I'm not surprised he never asked sooner. His goals merged easily with mine and the reason why doesn't always matter until the end. It didn't matter because I wasn't going against him.

'I'm just helping my crime lord friend,' I reply flippantly. A poor evasion. He sees through it in an instance.

'You are better at lying to yourself, Leeriah, than others. You mustn't of made a good agent which explains why you would be given more honest roles at the base.'

I look at him sharply, my eyes trying to shoot him down. He always managed to see through me. But now it sounds like a clinical study through observation and interaction and that is his conclusion at the end of the study. I hate little more than people getting into my head. I will not be analysed. I will not be predicted and I will not be used or manipulated.

'Why were you interested in the Cyclone?' he repeats.

'Not for my own use if that's what you worried about.' I have my own Cyclone. 'For once, my intentions are good.'

'Are there still good intentions in the galaxy?' He asks bitterly and cynically. It isn't hard to replace 'the galaxy' with 'you'.

'No.' I look away. 'Not anymore.'

He slowly turns his head to me and watches me.

'You're crying.'

'If you are to be believed, sculag, then I would always be crying.' The same answer I would give at the end of our... official time together. He was always right.

'You are. Can I stop it?' Damin's voice carries gentle concern and pleading. I can't trust it. I can't trust him. But it sounds nice coming from his lips and being carried in his accented voice.

'Depends. Can you bring people back from the dead and grant people immortality?'

He frowns.

'Or you could just call me every now and again.' Another person to send you messages you'll never reply to? Heartless schutta. But I can't give him nothing but heartless jibes when he looks at me with those pleading, hurt eyes.

'I can't promise that.'

'Then it seems I'll be crying forever,' I reply with thick melodrama. The obvious threat and teasing gets a faster and more desired response than I thought it ever would.

'Once a month,' he instantly replies.

'Half month,' I return in barter.

'Three weeks.'

'Two or never.'



I rest my head on his chest. He idly raises a silver-blue hand after a few minutes and twirls my hair between his fingers.

'So you and your Rataaki friend aren't a couple then?'


'Do you want to be?'

'No.' He pauses. I don't push the words he might never want to say. 'Yes' and 'no' are enough for now. 'I can't trust her. Right now, a datapad is streaming everything she's doing from listening devices in her rifle, chambers and armour as well as the ship recording her every movements.'

'I didn't particularly like her.'

'You never like any women,' he says with a small smile. I guess it's true. I don't. This revelation doesn't make me smile.

'I thought you might like her, so I spared her. I can still kill her if you want.' It's a genuine offer. I wouldn't mind.

'Can you make that an 'IOU'? I might need it,' he replies seriously.

'If you ever need anything, you can call. Which will be easy since you already are twice a month,' I teasingly remind. Something about him invokes me to tease him and I wonder if it's only because I don't want to get too close or too serious.

'I need someone I can trust.'

'Truly?' The concept is strange to me. I've never felt a need to trust another. Somehow, I could always imagine everyone around me betraying me in some way. I don't mind. I don't know another way to live then with a constant guard. Liar.

'Do you trust your crew?'

'Gault the slimy crime lord and HK-51 the mental assassin droid from a prison planet?' I pause to emphasise the stupidity of his question. 'No. But I don't mind. I guess it's because I have nothing to hide and I can kill them both rather easily.'

'Can I trust you?' Damin's voice is low and intent. His hand and breathing stop.

I wonder what the calculated outcomes of the scenarios where I have his trust are. They must all involve his gain or no loss because otherwise the Cipher wouldn't ask that of the galaxies most hated bounty hunter.

I roll onto my stomach and prop myself up on my elbows. I look at him in consideration. I kiss his forehead.

'You can always trust me. You're one of the three people in the galaxy still alive that I would never kill. And maybe you haven't noticed, but I don't exactly talk to many alive people.'

He nods at this. Of course he noticed. A secluded and hated person known to have an affection for him that will stop betrayal or murder from them and has combat training to provide military support would be a perfect confidant.

'The other two?' he asks calmly. His Imperial accent has gotten thicker since we last met so many years ago but I'm sure he can hide it with ease when he needs to. His jaw bones are also more defined, his... Don't. Just don't. That doesn't help anyone.

'Just because I don't trust my crime lord doesn't mean I want him dead. Other is a Jawa.'

'Named Blizz. Joined your crew twelve months ago but left after eight. Now travels with salvagers.' He recites the learnt information again, his dim red eyes becoming blank and distant as the words of memory appear in front of him.

'That's the one. So did you look this up before coming or do you always keep an eye on me?' I ask it in teasing but my voice is dead pan.

'Once I gained the means, I have been. Of course, there was no record of you for years.'

'How sweet. Do I have my own file?' I ask sardonically.

He doesn't reply. A Cipher never reveals the extent of information or sources.

'Have you ever thought of me?' He asks.



'It's not.'

'It doesn't matter.'

'It does.' I pause and choke out my next words, hesitation closing my throat. 'I... am happy you're alive.'

'Alive or alive and here with you?' I don't like the way he asks the clarification. I don't know the answer to it. I don't like what it may mean to him. Whatever this is shouldn't come with expectations. But I need the boundaries I don't feel.

'Don't, Damin.'

'Why? Because I'm making you forget your husband and love me? Because I'm making you happier than you have been in months? Because I'm reminding you of how much you always loved me and still do?'

I roll away and almost pull out my blaster. 'I said 'don't', Damin. It would be a shame to kill you now after I saved your life.'


'Don't call me that. It isn't my name anymore.'

'It will always be your name to me.'

'****, are you this g** d*mn charming to every woman you meet?' I shout in aggravation. The confession didn't mean to come out.

He gives me a thin, devious smile and his chin raises in Imperial pride. 'I am a Cipher.'

'And that answers everything. If I see you again, I will kill you. Don't contact me.'

I stand and begin to leave. I don't hear him approach. I only feel his arms encircle me from behind and pull me gentle back into him.

'I won't let you leave me again.'

'I never left you. I just didn't leave with you,' I correct with an indifference that is hard to hold.

'Then don't stay this time.'

The more earnest he becomes the heavier his accent gets. His voice surrounds me in a warmth more than his arms and body can. He bends down so his can kiss my neck, his lips resting there.

'Come with me.'

'And work for the Empire? Join your harem of fighters?' I sneeringly inquire.

'No. Just be with me.' He whispers the words into my ear with a light warm breath. His simple words and low and alluring. He kisses my ear from top to bottom. 'Stay with me, Leeriah. Please.' He kisses my neck again and rests his chin on it, pulling me into his arms tighter.

'You can travel with me on my ship, going from planet to planet. Come with me, Leeriah,' he repeats. His hand finds a hold on my waist and the other on my arm. 'You and me, Leeriah, for as long as it can ever last.'

Everything stops.

My brain. My lungs. My thoughts. My everything. I freeze like he shut me down: cut the power, spoke a code and now I'm empty and blank.

I break from his arms with a little difficulty.

'It would never last.' I look out the window and see the dense dark of fog has slightly lifted. The light is coming and Leeriah is fading. 'It's morning. We need to go.'

I walk out through the broken door. He is a Cipher. Nothing he says is the truth. But the truth sometimes means little to me. I will not work with him under false pretenses and I will not help an Empire I hate.

'I look forward to your call in two weeks,' I call back to Damin.

And then I leave him again, slipping through the alleys at a fast, silent run. But no matter how fast I can run or how hard it isn't fast enough.

Torian... should I be sorry yet?

iamthehoyden's Avatar

02.09.2013 , 10:03 AM | #59
Complicated little pair, aren't they? lol
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

MilaniGrey's Avatar

02.10.2013 , 08:02 PM | #60
*quietly ships Leeriah and Damin*
The Islingr Legacy
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"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox