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BCNN Newsflash: Jiguuna Officials Worried About Red Blade Infestation

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Story and Lore
BCNN Newsflash: Jiguuna Officials Worried About Red Blade Infestation

Entropicana's Avatar


Entropicana
12.19.2011 , 05:09 AM | #1
Jiguuna Officials Worried About Red Blade Infestation

Jiguuna, HUTTA - Aside from the expected waves of bounty hunters arriving in the wake of the Great Hunt announcement, a more unexpected plague has hit the bustling township of Jiguuna.

"I don't get it," said a puzzled Toth'lazhen, spokesperson for Nem'ro the Hutt, "Pirates... Hundreds of them. And they're all claiming to be the infamous Red Blade! Look, here comes one now.” He then excused himself to negotiate with an overweight male Chiss. While they spoke, a diminutive cyborg and a pair of identical-looking Rattataki also showed up. “More Red Blades? Form an orderly queue, please!” demanded Toth’lazhen.

Jiguuna is well-accustomed to being flooded with hordes of bounty hunters at this time of year due to the great hunt, but locals say this Red Blade infestation is unprecedented. “I can’t leave my home any more,” complained one resident, “Snipers everywhere, all claiming to be Red Blade. Prob’ly figure they’ll boost their odds of becoming the last one by just picking off random people. They’re probably right!”

Earlier today, Glorious Nem’ro the Hutt addressed rumours that he is hiring any and all Red Blades who come to him. His illustriousness said, “I do not care who these fools really are. Nem’ro now has an army of Red Blades to send against Fath’ra. Hooh hooh hooh.”

But not everyone shares Nem’ro’s enthusiasm. “Yesterday, there was an incident in one of the hangars,” said one starport official, watching bodybags being hauled out of the facility, “Twenty-two of these clowns showed up, all claiming to be the Red Blade. Turned into a 22-person blaster stand-off. Then some idiot shot first. Huge firefight. Bodies everywhere.”

Meanwhile, an anonymous Imperial source claims that this is the result of a monumental bureaucratic fumble by the Imperial Ministry of Intelligence. “Someone screwed up on the paperwork somewhere and added a couple of zeroes to the number of agents assigned to use the Blade as a fake identity,” claimed the source, “The result - pure chaos.” The source wished to be known only as The True Red Blade.

Although theories abound as to the cause of this mass confusion, one theory ties back to the rumours of Imperial Intelligence involvement. “This is no administrative error,” said one Republic Intelligence source, “This is no doubt part of some elaborate master scheme by the Sith Empire. Only the puppet-masters of the dark side could engineer mayhem on this scale.”

On the other side of the galaxy, a Jedi Master known as Oteg was consulted for his far-reaching, prescient wisdom. He had only this to say, “Many people they are, yet they are one. Begun, the Clone Wars has.”


- The One and Only Genuinely Real Red Blade (AKA Kyrah Veltares) reporting for Begeren ColoNet News (BCNN) -

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Capella's Avatar


Capella
12.19.2011 , 08:59 AM | #2
*applause*
Main: Auriva, Sith Juggernaut | Guild: CIF Lords | Server: The Ebon Hawk | Crafts: Synthweaving ; Cybertech

Shadowclaimer's Avatar


Shadowclaimer
12.19.2011 , 09:04 AM | #3
Pure win.
Brigade Commander Bravak Stukov of the Republic Assault Corps
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Join the RAC today and save the galaxy from Empire scum!

MorbusIff's Avatar


MorbusIff
12.21.2011 , 11:24 AM | #4
+1 and bump, because I actually chuckled.