This first story so go easy on me and any corrcet I can make I will

I would Like all your support os I can better story

On the Defender Kira was meditate in her quarters until someone knock on her door. She got up check who at the door.

Kira was shocked to see it was her former master Sarah Gery “Sarah do want to talk about something?".

Sarah Gery smile and said "I just want to talk to u Kira about something".

“What do want to talk about Sarah” said Kira and Kira noice that Sarah look nervous.

Kira was shocked to see her master nervous. Sarah was never nervous about anything

“I just want to talk about u being jedi knight now and how do feel about it” said Sarah rubber back of head . Kira was growing more concerned. Sarah know how she feel about her being jedi knight and she just that as exuse not tell way she really want to said wanted to say.

“Sarah don't way do really came.” Kira said worried. “Yeah Kira your right that way I really came down here." she said looking scared. But then she ran her hand down Kira’s arm. “come here and show u.” she pull her arms and kiss her lips.

Kira was suprise but then she give in to kiss. Sarah pull away and brush and nervous.

“Kira Im Im so sorry I should not....” Sarah started but she cut off by kira grabbing her around the waist and lifted her off her feet and kissong her agian . Kira then let her down and said “I think u are cute when nervous Sarah and I think look beautiful master so came here .” Kira pulling Sarah in her arm again and kiss neck this time.

Sarah moaned and Kira lift her up again and she carring her to bed. They fell and sarah was on top of kira then she bent down kiss kira again. Kira put arms her around Sarah waist. Kira then began remove Sarah's Belt and Sarah remove Kira robe.

:2 Hours later:

Sarah was laying on top of kira naked and tried. She watched her breath, her eyes were closed, she thought Kira was sleeping, “Glad we got that out way. who all fun in the anticpaptiobn was just Lazy” He said.

“You said it.” Sarah agreed.

Sarah look up and smile and kiss Kira again. "I love you Kira when frist meet u and alway will". she said

“I love u too Sarah” said Kira.

"Sarah Can ask someting?". She asked .

“Sure" said Sarah.

“where are T7 and C3PO,” She asked and look at her former master eyes

“Well let just said I send out somewhere on a imporrtion misson.” She answered chuckling.

:Meanwhile With T7 and C3PO on tatioone:

Three women where had cleaning rag and giving T7 a shine

“T7 should not get these item back to our master soon.” said C3PO

T7 Ignore him and conuite getting shine by three women.

It reads very much like a play: a lot of dialogue, with some action that comes across more like stage direction. You can avoid this by added more detail an description, such as your character's facial expressions, reactions to that, emotions, clothing, levels of dishevelment... etc.

Whatever translator you're using to put this into English isn't working. I'd suggest you find someone fluent in your native language as well as English who can help you with that, as your current translator appears to butchering tense.

Also, don't use text shorthand for words in your prose: it isn't 'u' it's 'you'.

I can't really say much about the dialogue, as it seems to been violated by the aforementioned translator. That being said, you do need to add in more punctuation in places.

For example this:

"Sarah Can ask someting?". She asked .

 

“Sure" said Sarah.

 

“where are T7 and C3PO,” She asked and look at her former master eyes

would probably read better if it was like so:

"Sarah, can I ask you something?" (No need to put "she asked" here - the question is inherent, instead you could add in some description, or leave it as is)

"Sure."

"Where are T7 and C3PO?" Kira looked up into her master's - no, lover's eyes.

You also don't need to have such things as ':2 hours later:' - you can imply the passage of time or directly state in your description. It will make the story flow better.

If you have any question, don't hesitate to ask.

Well did say im not good at write a story but try best I can ok. But you could help this finsh this story and maybe and write on my own see what happen ok.

im using wordpad to write this out

Thanks.

You should use a better word processor, like MS Word or the free OpenOffice, as they offer spelling and grammar checks.

The help I'm giving isn't "telling you what to write", that's not going to help you to learn to be writer, it's "helping you to know HOW to write" i.e. techniques and how to use the language to its fullest effect.

No that mean I need u help. like what need add in to make more sence it help me along the

I try get better word processor

Let's start with your opening paragraph:

On the Defender Kira was meditate in her quarters until someone knock on her door. She got up check who at the door.

You have no tense in this - for the most part everything written is done so in the past tense. I'll add in some past tense to your current sentences, as well as some missing words (in this case 'and' and 'was'):

On the Defender Kira was meditating in her quarters until someone knocked on her door. She got up and checked who was at the door.

It's still a bit bland, though, isn't it? It reads more like notes of action you want to happen, rather than a finished product. You can lengthen these sentences, chop them up or add in extra detail to make a more interesting environment for the reader. Here is an example of how I might approach the scene:

Kira was meditating in her quarters. Her breath was measured; she was centering herself about her core, focusing her Force powers to a tiny point. She exhaled, letting the ball of Force pulse gently. A quiet knock brought Kira from her reverie. Concentrating a moment more, she quashed a feeling of annoyance.

You don't have to write "She opened the door", you can merely imply actions such as that through other means, such as dialogue.

What I'd like to see from you is what you think I've done differently to your original piece. I've done more than merely add a few words, of course.