To the Men, I am not trying to be funny or troll.

 

To the women [especially married women], I am not trying to be offensive.

 

 

I am creating this thread due to situations that I have ran across many times since Tuesday, and even times during the Weekend Betas.

 

Even though many married men who play this game are probably in their late 20s going all the way up to the 40s and maybe even 50s. One thing I noticed a lot were men who either A: Cannot play long in our group because their wife is getting home soon or B: Either has to abruptly leave the game because their wife just walked in the door.

 

Last night I was trying to find some people to group, to do a Heroic, the Trouble in Deed Heroic on Coruscant. Counting me, we had 3 people but we really needed a healer. So we finally found one so we waited by the entrance while he comes. Halfway through, he tells us on the party chat that he is sorry and that he has to leave because his wife just walked in the door. Before could say goodbye, he was already gone.

 

Now while that was just one scenario, this is something I see going on in the chat all the time. Grown men talking about how they only have like 1 hour to play because of the wife, or 2 hours to play until their wife gets home. Or even worse, having to immediately log off because the wife just walked in or is in the driveway about to come in the house.

 

-------------------------

 

Why is this? Mind you, I do not hear ANY of the married women in the general chat talking about how they have to log off because the husband just walked in or that they only have 30min to play before the husband gets home. It is ALWAYS married men, displaying their "limited time" because of the wife.

 

Again, why is this and I am not trying to be offensive or sexist but I will be 27 years old next year and I easily see myself being married in the next 2-3 years or so. At the age of 29/30 and even beyond, I do not see myself putting down the controller, especially when there are no kids.

 

For the final time, not trying to be rude but one of the negative things about being a gamer and getting married is that my time for gaming will seriously decrease. I understand and I am fully mature to understand that in relationships, many things are compromised. So I do not expect to be waking up at 10AM and playing games all the way to 10PM as a married man. But I would still like to be able to just escape into videogames for about 3-4 hours every now and then just to clear my head and enjoy myself, but the way men talk in general chat [and even in these forums] makes it seem like gaming as a married man is tuff business and with VERY limited time.

 

Whats up? Please fill me in.

Uhh... I assure you from personal experience it's just about as bad to be a married female gamer if your husband doesn't game.

 

As with all things, communication helps.

Uhh... I assure you from personal experience it's just about as bad to be a married female gamer if your husband doesn't game.

 

As with all things, communication helps.

 

What do you mean by communication?

 

I mean, these men act like 12-year old boys who is about to be caught playing videogames when their parents come home because they should be doing homework. These men literally panic in general chat about how they are halfway through a quest or so but their wife is about to come in and all that mess.

 

Is it really that bad?

My wife and I have playing games together for 10 years together been married for 14. She figured if she couldnt beat it out of me she would join me. :)

My wife and I have playing games together for 10 years together been married for 14. She figured if she couldnt beat it out of me she would join me. :)

 

But what are you thoughts or opinions on what I said above?

 

You seem to be one of the "lucky" men who has a wife who accepts that you game and so on. Most men don't have the luxury.

My wife and I played end game Everquest for 6 years...All I have to say is "Honey I'm in a raid" and she leaves me alone.

Believe it or not the word Wife does not have not a gamer in any part of the definition.

 

Individuals make choices in their life styles and if they choose to go along with a stereotype then that is also a personal choice.

I can only speak for me but on the days that ive been home all day and been playiong all day its not unusual for me to log of when the bf gets home so that i can have an uninterupted conversation with him. maybe those husband are doing the same

this is personal experience, so it might not apply to others, but I might actually say something of that nature as a woman, with a husband who games. so its not something I'd say becasue I'm afraid to be caught, or becasue he'll be mad or whatever. its becasue at this point in my life, my first priority is spending time with my spouse. the game is not going anywhere, but when your schedules are all over the place, there's only so much time you have to spend with each other and unless you are both playing the same game .... well you get the idea

 

then again, I'd probably do my best not to look for group when I know he'll be getting home soon, but sometimes you see an opportune instance group forming and you just grab your chance.

As a gamer wife, I can tell you what I have experienced. If a woman has been at work all day and comes home to a husband sitting around playing games and the house is a wreck and the kids are running around like crazy gremlins - there WILL be confrontation. Most men are smart enough to get off before the wife gets home to assemble some sense of order. Unless you do like me and join in the gaming and then you just have to sigh and suck it up and deal with it later. I game, he doesn't mind because he also plays. I know women who don't game think that it is a complete waste of time that their significant other oculd be spening helping around the house or spenidng time with THEM. What woman would want a guy just sitting in front of a screen distant and completely oblivious to his surroundings if she couldn't enjoy the same things with him? It's a hard balance and you have to work to achieve that balance or it will destroy a marriage.

As a gamer wife, I can tell you what I have experienced. If a woman has been at work all day and comes home to a husband sitting around playing games and the house is a wreck and the kids are running around like crazy gremlins - there WILL be confrontation. Most men are smart enough to get off before the wife gets home to assemble some sense of order. Unless you do like me and join in the gaming and then you just have to sigh and suck it up and deal with it later. I game, he doesn't mind because he also plays. I know women who don't game think that it is a complete waste of time that their significant other oculd be spening helping around the house or spenidng time with THEM. What woman would want a guy just sitting in front of a screen distant and completely oblivious to his surroundings if she couldn't enjoy the same things with him? It's a hard balance and you have to work to achieve that balance or it will destroy a marriage.

 

Again, what if we dont have kids? What if the house IS clean and I am just upstairs in the game room, minding my own business playing the game?

 

Again, the way these men talk online, it is as if they are going to get in trouble if they are playing the game or crap like that and I ONLY see the men doing this. I have NEVER seen any women abruptly log off because their husband is walking into the door.

No problem like that in my house. I introduced my hubby to MMORPG's and we play together all the time. That being said, if he gets home from work and all I've done all day in play video games, he's probably going to be pretty irritated. So I make sure to give myself about an hour to clean up the house and stuff before he gets home. But I can understand why a wife that doesn't play and can't enjoy the games with her husband would rather he spend time with her when she got home instead of staring at a screen. Even my hubby and I have to sometimes walk away and go do something else actually interactive together.

 

But if the guys are rushing off like they are in trouble my guess is they have either done next to nothing all day and just realized it and know she's going to be unhappy with that; considerate and wanting make sure she feels more important than a video game when she gets home; or they are whipped and spineless. I dunno.

I've never had any problems with this because my wife and I both game, currently she is typing away on her keyboard and I'm getting ready to play SWTOR. We both game, and it's what sparked our friendship many years ago.

 

I don't know what other men have to deal with, because I have never had to deal with it myself, but not being able to do something you enjoy just because your spouse doesn't care for it, sounds like a bad relationship. Both parties should be able to enjoy what they want, my wife never tells me I can't enjoy one of my hobbies, and I don't tell her she can't.

 

It's apart of being married that you except the other person for who they are and not try to change them.

My husband and I don't have kids and we both game. However when I come home from work I want "our" time. So yes he will log off the game to give me that time and vise versa. Our relationship come first. After that I really don't care what he does

 

The only time he would have to worry about me coming home in five minutes is when he didn't do what I asked him to have done before I got home. Then I'll go into a wife rage.

Not bad at all for me..

 

.. course, she plays more than I do.

 

On the other hand, back when we ran a raiding guild in that other MMO, one of our main tanks just sort of disappeared for several days. When we finally got in touch with him we found out he "wasn't allowed" to play anymore, because his wife came home and the house wasn't clean.

 

I think it all comes down to what both parties expect out of the relationship, and how good they are at voicing that to each other, without being demanding or confrontational. And that applies to lots of areas in marriage.

All women are different, man. Some women game too. Some women don't game but don't mind the hubby doing it either. Some women don't like it and make it known. Some women will fight tooth and nail ripping the marriage apart and then blame it on the game.

 

The thing that a guy needs to ask himself is not "Am I playing too much?" The thing to ask yourself is "Am I playing at the wrong times or at the expense of X?" If thing X (i.e. family, work, etc.) is more important overall to your life than gaming...then damn it man! CHANGE IT!.

 

My wife used to be one of the "haters" but when I really sat back and looked at it, it was my fault. I was neglecting everything and basically just being a ******. I still game rediculous amounts (6? 8? 12? hours on a day off? Yeah why not). But, ya gotta keep momma happy. If something needs done, or there is something else I should be doing, I make sure it all gets done. Otherwise...everyone knows where Dad will be. Not at the bar. In the living room, on the puter. Everything has worked out.

My wife hates all things electronic, as long as I pay more attention to her than gizmos we're cool.

If your significant other has problems with gaming, I suggest the following 2 options:

/delete spouse

/search gamer girls

 

 

...all say all this as a joke of course. So no "hacker" spouses hunt my a** down and /delete me.

My husband and I don't have kids and we both game. However when I come home from work I want "our" time. So yes he will log off the game to give me that time and vise versa. Our relationship come first. After that I really don't care what he does

 

See, thats just the think. I understand that you want "your" or "our" time together, but does that mean for the REST of the day? I mean where is the line drawn?

 

Also, not to sound sexist or anything, but why is it that most of the time it is the women [wife/gf] that is always requesting the "our time" moments instead of the men? Is it REALLY to further the relationship or is it simply an attention thing?

See, thats just the think. I understand that you want "your" or "our" time together, but does that mean for the REST of the day? I mean where is the line drawn?

 

Also, not to sound sexist or anything, but why is it that most of the time it is the women [wife/gf] that is always requesting the "our time" moments instead of the men? Is it REALLY to further the relationship or is it simply an attention thing?

 

Have you ever been in a successful relationship with a woman?

 

Honestly, the amount of "together" time shouldn't be an afterthought or something you pencil in around your gaming schedule. If you're in a relationship or have a family, they need to come first and then gaming can be put in as a pass time.

 

As far as woman being the more often requesters of "our time" it's a matter of physiology (if that's the correct usage). In a very broad and vaguely general statement, men are typically logical thinkers and women are typically emotional thinkers. Since "our time" is an emotional need, it's more pronounced in women.

Have you ever been in a successful relationship with a woman?

 

lol....

Without sharing all my life, I can tell that woman gamers can also be the "victim" of the unhappy man with whom they are not sharing enough time. The countrary is obviously more common, but it's not a question of woman VS man. It's a question of non gamer VS gamer.

 

 

 

It's important to share time together, and to show to the other that he/she is important. What's the point of beeing together or married, if this person is just neglectable. And if one in the couple have to do all boring things (work and win money, clean,do duties) it's not fair. Everyone must agree with that I suppose. Sharing boring stuff together, sharing nice moment together, and have your own free time to do what you want. If those 3 things are balanced, I think it should not cause too much problems. Both part need to make an eefort. There is never one who is completly wrong

My wife has no problem with my playing its only an issue when she wants to "wrestle" and I usually alt f4 right away anyway.....Sorry to those I left but....come on.

Well OP it's simple. There are more male gamers than female. So more than likely the man is married to someone who doesn't play video games. This means they aren't one of the understanding "Let's play games together" types. And those men realize that their wife/marriage is more important than a video so they play on a schedule that their wife accepts.

The wife is not the problem, she knows that I´m playing, I do so mostly when she´s at work and somewhere in the evening.

 

The real problem is ( or isnt actually ) that I have a 13 month old son who needs attention and dipers changed and so on.

 

I will however, not enter a group if I´m not 100% sure that I wont be disturbed.

 

For those who suddenly leave because they wives come home, cant you just talk? Cant you just say I need 15 more minutes, then I´ll be there ?

 

On the other hand, marriage always comes first, so if she would ask me to stop, we got other things to do I will do so in an instant.

 

And before I start playing , I make sure the things are done that need to be done, like cleaning the house etc.

 

You´re asking for problems if you leave the house dirty and just play your game ignoring your duties as a husband and father.

Edited December 17, 2011 by WerniesSturm