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Married Men, is it really that bad to be a hardcore game and have a wife?

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Married Men, is it really that bad to be a hardcore game and have a wife?

Marabel's Avatar


Marabel
12.18.2011 , 06:11 AM | #51
Honestly, I tend to play MMORPGs only with my fiancee (and soon to be husband) now. I've always been a gamer. We actually met in an MMORPG back in 2000. We were rivals in a game that had a pvp based endgame.

This makes gaming easier, as I've raided - I understand what that entails. However, on the flip side there is almost always a character pair that we play together. The bad part of a gamer wife is I will get mad if I feel he isn't playing with me enough and I will get jealous and so on.

When I first come home I almost always make a beeline for the kitchen because I'm hungry. Almost always does my fiancee get up and hug me and talk for a few minutes. Even if a raid is going on.. as long as a boss isn't pulled or something like that. The greeting when you first come home is important to a woman. It means a lot to us.

Many have said before it is all about communication. Even with a gamer wife there can be issues. It's all about being in a serious relationship though, in my eyes you put the game aside because you actually care that person. Most of the time people need attention when they get home. Everyone likes to be welcomed home.

Nerghal's Avatar


Nerghal
12.18.2011 , 06:41 AM | #52
It's giving and taking, as with all things in life

Though when I know my time is limited because one of the kids is about to wake up or whatever reason, I don't engage in MP content (bar PvP) as I don't like leaving a group in the middle of something.

SithCounsular's Avatar


SithCounsular
12.18.2011 , 06:53 AM | #53
Quote: Originally Posted by Majestic_Jazz View Post
To the Men, I am not trying to be funny or troll.

To the women [especially married women], I am not trying to be offensive.


I am creating this thread due to situations that I have ran across many times since Tuesday, and even times during the Weekend Betas.

Even though many married men who play this game are probably in their late 20s going all the way up to the 40s and maybe even 50s. One thing I noticed a lot were men who either A: Cannot play long in our group because their wife is getting home soon or B: Either has to abruptly leave the game because their wife just walked in the door.

Last night I was trying to find some people to group, to do a Heroic, the Trouble in Deed Heroic on Coruscant. Counting me, we had 3 people but we really needed a healer. So we finally found one so we waited by the entrance while he comes. Halfway through, he tells us on the party chat that he is sorry and that he has to leave because his wife just walked in the door. Before could say goodbye, he was already gone.

Now while that was just one scenario, this is something I see going on in the chat all the time. Grown men talking about how they only have like 1 hour to play because of the wife, or 2 hours to play until their wife gets home. Or even worse, having to immediately log off because the wife just walked in or is in the driveway about to come in the house.

-------------------------

Why is this? Mind you, I do not hear ANY of the married women in the general chat talking about how they have to log off because the husband just walked in or that they only have 30min to play before the husband gets home. It is ALWAYS married men, displaying their "limited time" because of the wife.

Again, why is this and I am not trying to be offensive or sexist but I will be 27 years old next year and I easily see myself being married in the next 2-3 years or so. At the age of 29/30 and even beyond, I do not see myself putting down the controller, especially when there are no kids.

For the final time, not trying to be rude but one of the negative things about being a gamer and getting married is that my time for gaming will seriously decrease. I understand and I am fully mature to understand that in relationships, many things are compromised. So I do not expect to be waking up at 10AM and playing games all the way to 10PM as a married man. But I would still like to be able to just escape into videogames for about 3-4 hours every now and then just to clear my head and enjoy myself, but the way men talk in general chat [and even in these forums] makes it seem like gaming as a married man is tuff business and with VERY limited time.

Whats up? Please fill me in.
Trust me... When you get married, you will understand completely! I'm getting divorced so no big deal to me. My next girlfriend though is going to have to accept the fact that I'm a gamer.
Darth Samoht - Sith Cardinal
Studies The Methodologies & Combat of Jedi Counsulars
Top Mathematician & Engineer Among The Sith

boleole's Avatar


boleole
12.18.2011 , 06:58 AM | #54
Think its good that people value real life and listen to theyr girls.

Mmorgs have evolved from being a thing for few dedicated people, to a mainstream thing.
That mean lot more gamers are now peopel with obligations and responsibilitys. They are also used to pop in and out from theyr games, instead of dedicating many hours for a raid.

I have a hard time play as much on the computer as I like.
“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

Boremac's Avatar


Boremac
12.18.2011 , 07:03 AM | #55
Quote: Originally Posted by renissara View Post
uhh... I assure you from personal experience it's just about as bad to be a married female gamer if your husband doesn't game.

As with all things, communication helps.
Quote: Originally Posted by skolos View Post
My wife and I have playing games together for 10 years together been married for 14. She figured if she couldnt beat it out of me she would join me.

qft

...met my wife gaming and game with her always... helps if you RP in text in game with them if you can get them to play... be patient while they are learning... ect
I carry a BIGGER stick... and I use it too! - Yosemite Sam

Coin's Avatar


Coin
12.18.2011 , 07:15 AM | #56
I think it's a lot of different things, tbh.

Almost everything said here is true, being a gamer married to a non-gamer, never gonna go over well. Communication.....VITAL! Understanding of priorities, also damn important.

For me, the biggest issue is the lack of understanding from the non-gamer. Not in the negative, "you're treating me like crap" lack of understanding, more a case of the non-gamer not understanding how the game works, specifically MMO's

Most non-gamers know that a console game (and a lot of PC games) have a pause function. They know that when they walk in their other halves can pause the game, sometimes save the game, and talk to them.

Not so with an MMO.

They don't always realise that there are actual other people on the screen as well, sometimes needing and depending on their partners and that they can't always just log off easily and quickly!

My wife used to hate the MMO I was in (she loves it now, been playing it for 4 years hersefl, best way to solve this problem tbh ) but once I talked to her, helped her understand how an MMO was different from other games, she became a lot more understanding about it all and our relationship was a lot better as a result. I tried not to spend so many hours playing it (it was my first MMO, I was VERY addicted to it as a result )and things eased for a long time.

Once she started playing herself though, it all became a moot point

As always, communication is a big thing, but that applies to anything in a successful relationship. Tbh, if the partner just flat out refuses to understand, I think the gaming is not so much the problem for the relationship as much as is it a symptom of a relationship that needs work.

honestly, best thing I ever did was letting my wife have a trial account on City Of Heroes, we've never looked back

Esoteric_Monk's Avatar


Esoteric_Monk
12.18.2011 , 08:31 AM | #57
There are some wonderful posts in here; definitely a group that realizes the importance of respecting the emotional connection and communication between two people in a loving, committed relationship.

Also love that there are many posts from wives that game! I figured Star Wars would pull them out of the woodwork and it's wonderful for the whole community.

For myself, I'm engaged to my best friend, who've I've known for 10 years and have been in a committed relationship with for seven. She isn't a gamer, thinks it's a bit silly, but certainly respects my choice of recreation. She worries when I stay up until 3:00am playing, but that's to be expected (I only do that on the weekends).

The most important thing is balance. It's been said in here already, but really, when you know they will be home soon, you don't get involved in anything like a Raid or Flashpoint. Spending time with them is key. Now, if I've got my time slated for gaming and she walks in the door at the start of it, I'll say hello, make sure she's doing OK, then pop back in. If she needs me though, I'm there for her, regardless of what I'm doing. She does the exact same for me.

That's love.

ed_kenny's Avatar


ed_kenny
12.18.2011 , 10:20 AM | #58
My wife does not mind me gaming any time of day. I am 42 and retired, all I do is have dinner ready when she gets home. Hell when my wife goes out shopping, if she see a video game I want or like she might get it for me. She games as well but she plays WoW, I do as well. I also play a coupe of other mmos. Her friends ask her how she can deal with a husban as a gamer, she tells them he does not go out drinking or any other vices ad she knows where to find me. lol. Maybe I am one of the lucky few.

IolasMacLeod's Avatar


IolasMacLeod
12.18.2011 , 11:20 AM | #59
If you look good enough and/or make the money... she wont care how much you want to game. Problem solved.
Iolas MacLeod of Bria
The Showstopper - Delivering Sweet Chin Music since 2003

Meluna's Avatar


Meluna
12.18.2011 , 11:41 AM | #60
Hi there, folks! We understand the thought behind this discussion, but after some thought, we will unfortunately be closing it. According to our welcome sticky, the Community forum "exists so that Star Wars™: The Old Republic™ community members can discuss community sites, fan sites, and general community topics." While we appreciate the lively and constructive debate, it isn't quite on topic for this section of the forums, as it isn't related to the game.

Thanks for your understanding in this matter, and if you have any further feedback or questions about it, please don't hesitate to send them to us at bwacommunitysupport@bioware.com.