CHRONICLES PRESENT, 53: In which a faster search method is decided upon

Time period: During Master Rho's campaign

Nalenne was curled up with a comic book in an armchair that had been brought into the conference room. Insanity Company's officers could sit around the big table; Nalenne, as the ranking person on the ship, could observe and comment, but she let Quinn do the boring things like actually run the meetings.

Jaesa sat on a couch beside Nalenne, reading the latest Mynock bootleg on a datapad. She claimed she wanted to be there to observe and learn, since she was after all Nalenne's apprentice. Everyone knew that Jaesa was actually there in a forlorn attempt to influence Nalenne to practice moderation or something like it. The officers, being accustomed to the oddities of Sith, didn't even try to talk Jaesa out of that idiocy.

Quinn paced before the Sith and officers. "Our predictions on the Jedi's movements have yielded nothing. The pattern is changing. The only question for us is how to pick up his trail again. While I trust your capabilities, I am reluctant to split our operations just now; therefore we must get a location with some degree of confidence."

"We could ask him," said Jaesa.

Nalenne looked up and blinked. "What?"

"We could ask Master Rho. If he's being manipulated by Lord Scourge, he deserves to know about it. He may even help us stop him."

"But we would kill him the minute Lord Scourge is gone," said Nalenne. "I don't think he would like that part."

Quinn looked intrigued. "My lord, consider it as a Jedi would. He would agree to such a plan in the hopes of defeating our common enemy and would furthermore lack the foresight to lay preparations to strike when the reason for the alliance is resolved. We could take advantage of his trust."

"Or we could genuinely work with him," Jaesa said stubbornly, "for the greater good."

"Jaesa," said Quinn. "Master Rho's idea of the greater good is destroying the Empire. We must use him to stop Scourge and then immediately stop Rho himself. That is fundamentally incompatible with a good-faith alliance."

"I order you not to tell Rho that," Nalenne warned Jaesa. "He would take it hard."

Jaesa struggled to force her baby face into a judgmental scowl. "And we wouldn't want to upset him, would we, master."

"Oh, I want to upset him," said Nalenne. "I'm just not going to do it 'til we have what we want from him."

"…I love you," said Quinn. Nalenne looked at him and beamed.

"My lord?" said Captain Rutau. "We can't find this Jedi. How are we going to find out how to call him?"

"I always figured he was in the holo database under 'Bleeding Hearts' or something," said Nalenne. "Or we could just torture Jedi until we find one who knows."

"That's not necessary," blurted Jaesa. "I…I have Kira's holofrequency."

Nalenne rounded on her. "Jaesa! I told you if you spoke to her again I would have your brains for soup!"

Jaesa scrunched up her nose. "If you eat my brains I can't give you Kira's frequency."

"Ugh," said Nalenne. "Don't be like that. Come on. We'll call Kira and warn her, all right? Then we hunt down Lord Scourge and you go let loose on him like I've been teaching you."

Ensign Rylon looked up from the vibroknife he had been fiddling with. "There'll still be some action for the rest of us, right, my lord?"

"Master Rho is mine to face," said Nalenne, "though you're all welcome to shoot him in the back while I have his attention. And all his friends are open season."

"Except for the doctor," added Quinn. "He is mine, so steer clear. Ensign, my target was on Balmorra for a time; you'll know him when you see him."

"No, I won't, sir." Rylon shrugged apologetically. "Memory wiped."

"Well. Um." Nalenne tried to think of a more helpful identifier. "If you see anything more self-satisfied than Lord Scourge, let Quinn handle it."

"Oh, I want to upset him," said Nalenne. "I'm just not going to do it 'til we have what we want from him."

 

"…I love you," said Quinn. Nalenne looked at him and beamed.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA! Classic Nalenne and Nalenne!Quinn.

"Ugh," said Nalenne. "Don't be like that. Come on. We'll Kira and warn her, all right? Then we hunt down Lord Scourge and you go let loose on him like I've been teaching you."

I think you a word there.

I think you a word there.

<.< ...I have no idea what you're talking about... >.>

We'll call Kira and warn her, all right?

We have always been at war with Eastasia.

Does Quinn really love her or her diabolical plan?

Probably the plan.

Probably...

We have always been at war with Eastasia.

I platonically love you for that reference... I'm also loving the shenanigans. Insanity Company is clearly a euphemism for Awesomeness Company. And I always enjoy seeing Quinn doing awesome things.

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 54: In which Kira wants to believe

Time period: during Master Rho's campaign

"I can't do this," said Jaesa.

"Sure you can," said Nalenne. "You're a capable young woman who has learned and accomplished incredible things since you became my apprentice. You've grown. You've developed. You've gotten infinitely more powerful. You can certainly deal with telling a straight-faced lie to a valued friend who trusts you." Nalenne clapped Jaesa's shoulder. "Besides, I'll dump you on Hoth without a coat if you screw this up."

Lieutenant Ritter twitched.

Jaesa swallowed and tapped the holo to call Kira Carsen.

The Jedi's image appeared and smiled cheerfully at Jaesa. "Hey! Is the witch out?"

Nalenne arched a brow ridge at Jaesa. Jaesa blushed and tried to maintain her composure. "Yes, she's off trampling things with Insanity Company. The professional call-screener letting you through?"

"Yeah, Scourge is out doing something with Master Rho. I've gotta say, operations have streamlined since Scourge took over screening holocalls, but he's kind of…overeager sometimes."

"There's a reason for that, actually."

"If you know something about Lord Scourge I don't, I will be seriously surprised. The man cannot shut up about himself."

"Well, he's probably been lying through his teeth. Did you know he wasn't de-emotion-ified as part of his immortality thing, he was burned out afterward because he wouldn't stop messing around on the job?"

"He never put it that way. Color me intrigued."

"The Emperor cut off his feelings because he kept using his persuasive powers for, um, recreation. So now he just goes around trying to get personal revenge by using any Jedi he can get to listen."

"But the Emperor's supposed to be devouring the galaxy."

"Yeah, Lord Scourge completely made that up."

"How do you know all this?"

Jaesa took a deep breath. "HR," she said nervously.

"HR? The Emperor's HR?"

"Basically, yes."

"And the Emperor's human resources department had a good reason to come to you with convenient secret truths about the guy who's coming after them."

"It just came up during a briefing with the Wrath. I know these guys. They wouldn't support an evil plan to sacrifice their own lives if their lives depended…on…that didn't come out right. Anyway, I think they're telling the truth, and I think Lord Scourge needs to be stopped."

"I'm pretty sure we want to take down the Emperor anyway. Stars know you spend enough time talking about how horrible everything he does is."

Nalenne arched both brow ridges. Jaesa, sweating, ignored her. "That isn't the point. Do we really want to hand Scourge something he wants?" she asked Kira.

Kira considered. "Well, no. Not really."

"We need Master Rho. I want to work with you. My master, too, if we need her for the fight. Lord Scourge needs to be stopped."

Kira hesitated. "I'm sorry, Jaesa, but I have to ask. Is this some kind of attempt to use Master Rho's trust to deal with our common enemy, only to turn on us the second Lord Scourge is dealt with?"

Nalenne watched Jaesa very intently.

"Of course not," Jaesa said stoutly. "The Wrath wants him stopped as much as any of us, but I can get her to leave you alone once the huge obnoxious threat is out of the way." She swallowed hard. "You do believe me, right?" she said in a very small voice.

"Oh, yeah, I believe what you're claiming about him. The song and dance routine for personal gain does sound exactly like something he would do. I can talk to Master Rho, but he…you know. He won't really listen to me over him. About anything."

"Really? Still? I'm sorry."

"No kidding. He's always off with Scourge alone, listening to him first, and then coming back to talk about how wise and brave and strong he is. Scourge just keeps trying to turn him against the rest of us. He screens Rho's calls, he's jealous, he's petty, he's…and I've known Rho so much longer! I've been there for him! I have no idea what he sees in that stupid Sith. What does Scourge have that I don't?"

Jaesa blushed. "I really couldn't say. I think you're much more attractive than he is."

"At least someone around here has some sense. Look, I'll talk to Master Rho, but I'm not sure he's going to listen."

"We'll do whatever we can. Can I meet with you someplace? To strategize."

"How about the next secluded corner Scourge tries to get Rho into for 'artifact hunting'? I'm sure he'll give the rest of the crew plenty of time to hang around talking while he goes out and…rrrgh. I don't even want to think about it." Kira crossed her arms and scowled. "I'll forward you the venue when I have it."

"I appreciate it, Kira. Hang in there. We'll rescue Master Rho and we'll take care of Scourge once and for all."

"And dammit, when we do, I'll be there for him. Rho, I mean. One of these days he's gotta wake up."

Jaesa cut the holo before Nalenne's snickering got out of control.

"What was that, master?" demanded Jaesa.

Nalenne made another attempt to suppress her snickering, failed, and let the laughter run its course. "Rho," she gasped. "I can't help it. All this time he wasn't asexual, just gay and with Lord Scourge.”

"You would've gotten with Lord Scourge too, if you could have," accused Jaesa. "Don't think I've forgotten."

"Entirely beside the point. I can still make fun of the Jedi."

"Also he isn't gay," said Jaesa.

"Ahem," said Pierce. "Jaesa, you wouldn't know gay if it wore Jedi robes and read Mynock comics all day."

"I would too," huffed Jaesa.

Nalenne smiled sweetly. "Don't mind him. My room tonight to check out the bootleg omnibus that actually included the last few Mynock issues? My room's got the best screen on the ship, plus you have got to check out the bed I bought for the new place. I think you'll love it."

Jaesa smiled, smoothing her Jedi robes. "You're on, master."

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 55: In which the Emperor's Hand checks in

Time period: during Master Rho's campaign

"Wrath," quavered Servant Two.

"You might have updated us with the Method's holonumber," grumbled Servant One.

"It's not like we were going to try anything," said Servant Two.

"…stars, I hope not," said Servant One.

"We've been chasing your Jedi," said Nalenne. "Any updates for us?"

"The general is all right?" inquired Servant Two.

"The general's right here." Nalenne leaned over and tugged Quinn into view. "Safe and sound."

Servant Two smiled widely, then coughed and pretended to be eerily solemn.

"Seriously," said Nalenne. "Any updates? Or were you just calling to complain that your boyfriend hasn't been in touch?"

"What?" said Quinn.

"Nothing, darling," said Nalenne. "Servant Two definitely isn't a creep."

"Have you made any progress on the matter of Master Rho?" Servant One said loudly.

"We believe we have a lead on finding him," reported Nalenne. "My apprentice is learning to be underhanded and evil like us!"

Jaesa, in the reading nook, curled up tighter and looked miserable.

"We're waiting on a call from one of his own, and then we move," said Nalenne.

"A call from them? Are you sure they aren't just going to take advantage of your trust to lure you in close, only to turn on you the second your mutual enemy is dealt with?"

Jaesa curled up even tighter and whimpered.

"I don't think Kira's that creative," said Nalenne. "We'll be fine."

"The Wrath had better be sure," grumbled Servant Two.

"We'll be fine," repeated Nalenne, "and I won't let anything happen to General Quinn."

Quinn looked sidelong at her. "You're placing a peculiar emphasis on this, my lord."

"Only because I love you," said Nalenne. "Now beat it, you two. I'm waiting for a far more important call."

"The general can call us if anything is required," said Servant Two.

Quinn took Nalenne's hand. "I have what I need, my lord."

"The general can call us if anything reliable, respectable, or remotely worth a damn is required," said Servant Two.

"Get gone," said Nalenne.

Hilarious.

That's all that I can say.

"the general can call us if anything is required," said servant two.

 

Quinn took nalenne's hand. "i have what i need, my lord."

 

"the general can call us if anything reliable, respectable, or remotely worth a damn is required," said servant two.

 

"get gone," said nalenne.

bahaahahahahaha!

EDIT: Screw it. This idiotic uncapitalizer is just too stupid to be reasoned with.

I wanted some sap. Some sappy sappy sap. So Nalenne gets sap.

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 56: In which Love, Legends, and History are discussed

Time period: During Master Rho's campaign

Captain Rutau finished eating a little before the others. He looked thoughtfully at Nalenne. "My lord," he said, "can I ask you something?"

"I'm not giving you the good stims," said Nalenne. "Your leg always gets trashed before the regular-duration stuff can run out, there's no point in the expense of the slow-release."

"It, it wasn't that. I was actually wondering about something I heard about you and General Quinn."

Nalenne froze, staring.

Quinn froze, staring.

Pandorr, Ritter, Rylon, and Hareth held very still while they watched.

"You can go on," Jaesa prompted gently.

"Traitor," said Nalenne.

Rutau only seemed a little nervous. "Is it really true that you ran the Voss blockade when General Quinn was dead just to try to find a way to bring him back?" [~] (*)

"Yes," said Nalenne. "Don't look at us like that. It was nothing once I found the best operative alive, bribed her and the only friendly contact the entirety of Imperial Intelligence could find, paid for the research into maneuverability upgrades for the most advanced prototype stealth ship in the galaxy, and leaned on their pilot until she finally got more scared of me than of the suicide run I was telling her to make."

"You never told me you paid for those upgrades yourself," Quinn said quietly.

"She needed something better in order to get us what we wanted. So I saw to it somebody invented something better."

"Amazing!" Captain Pandorr piped up. "That blockade has taken out fleets! And did you really win an argument with one of the clerks at the Imperial Archives?" (*)

"Of course I did. Lightsabers win most arguments."

"You hear stories, my lord. Those clerks are scary."

"She was standing between me and what I wanted. Scary wasn't enough to save her."

"All to get what you needed to bring him back," said Lieutenant Hareth.

"Well, yes. I wouldn't have any other reason to visit that miserable dullness-fest."

Hareth's eyes fairly glowed. "And did you truly bathe in the hallowed blood of a demon for the knowledge necessary to proceed?" (*)

"That wasn't necessarily a death ritual, Lieutenant," snapped Quinn, "so don't get any ideas. Besides, the knowledge she was seeking at the time was how to wipe me out of existence."

Jaesa leaned forward. "But the knowledge you got was that she still cared."

"It seems more of the legends are true than we thought," Pandorr said with a small smile.

"My relationship with the Wrath isn't legend-worthy, Captain," Quinn said sternly.

"But it is," said Rutau. "I never would've believed everything we heard until I saw you two together myself."

"Did you also hear the part where she stabbed me repeatedly, choked me to death, and jettisoned my body out the nearest airlock?" (*)

"You started it," muttered Nalenne.

"She tried to make up for it after," insisted Pandorr.

Rutau nodded. "She gave up everything just for the chance of saving you. When her sister found something that might help you return to life, but the Hero of Tython captured her? The Wrath surrendered and gave herself up as a prisoner – to the Jedi! – as a trade rather than let him get away with her and what she knew." (*)

Nalenne and Quinn exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"Where did you hear that?" Nalenne said quietly.

"Your sister published an editorial on how stupid your behavior was in a few major newsholos shortly after it happened."

"Most romantic story I ever read," said Rutau.

"Oh, stars," groaned Nalenne.

Jaesa very nearly simpered. "You officers never even heard about what Quinn gave up for her when the Emperor's Hand tried to bribe him to betray her." (*)

"Please stop that," said Quinn.

"We try not to talk about it," said Nalenne.

"Honestly," continued Quinn, "the Wrath's attempted sacrifice on the Jedi's transport was the worst-conceived idea I have ever seen in my life. It was un-Sith, un-Imperial, unbecoming, and doomed to fail."

"I said I was sorry," said Nalenne. She smiled, a little tremulously, when she said "At least you came to fix it."

"Cleaning up after you has become my life's work," Quinn said affectionately. "Still. The matter of your surrender to Rho was an outright embarrassment. The risk-reward analysis could never have come up in favor of the course of action you chose; you didn't even know if Niselle's knowledge, which you surrendered to preserve, would work."

"Look who's talking. You knew for sure that the Emperor's Hand would restore you to a body if you would just sell me out and you still turned them down in favor of – what could I offer you then? Nothing. If you had put yourself first for two seconds like any sane Imperial…"

"Any sane Imperial would put themselves first for a lot longer than two seconds, my lord. It's just that you have a catastrophically unbalancing effect on me."

Pandorr cocked his head and looked at the others. "I'm going to count that one as true love. Agreed?"

"Stop that," muttered Quinn.

"Agreed," chorused Rutau, Ritter, Rylon, and Hareth, nodding at Pandorr.

"If that's the case, I can say that true love is a strategic and tactical disaster," grumbled Quinn.

"I think it's sweet," said Hareth. "I had a good thing going as Imperial arrangements go – you know, before the Hero of Tython murdered the man in question – but even so my love Executor Krannus would've tortured me to death in a heartbeat if he thought it would be to his advantage."

"The Wrath practically did torture me to death," said Quinn.

"I could've drawn that out a lot more," said Nalenne. "And it wasn't for my advantage so much as flat-out revenge. I can still love you."

"You stayed through death for her," Pandorr said earnestly. "Honestly, I don't see how much more romantic it gets."

"I didn't get a choice in the matter," groused Quinn. "You'll forgive me if I don't see the charm."

"You're holding hands," Rutau said matter-of-factly.

Nalenne and Quinn looked guilty. Nevertheless, they didn't unlink their hands.

"I know you think what you have is stupid, master," said Jaesa. "But it's something rare. And wonderful."

"Jaesa," said Nalenne. "Did you start the non-Nis rumors to begin with? As some kind of twisted campaign to make us look like we have some Jedi's idea of redeeming qualities?"

Jaesa looked guilty, too.

"I should've stabbed you instead of Quinn," said Nalenne.

"You wouldn't, my lord," said Rutau. "Everyone's heard about all the times you've put yourself in harm's way to protect her."

"Even when it pits you against other Sith," said Pandorr, "for entirely Light Side causes. It's the greatest very nearly romance I've ever – "

"Stop that," snapped Nalenne. "Jaesa, you haven't been spreading ideas about that too, have you?"

"No, master. I promise."

"'Very nearly romance' suggests Vette, my lord," Quinn said grimly.

Nalenne rolled her eyes. "Ugh. She would. Fine. I'll stab her for rumormongering."

"Everyone knows you're never going to elevate her through the cleansing passage of death," said Hareth.

"What."

Quinn didn't look at her. "I may have made it clear, in some circles, just how irrationally attached you are to that Twi'lek."

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"We only tell the truth, my lord. Except for Vette, most likely."

"I could just stop doing nice things for you people."

He lifted her hand and kissed it lightly. "No, you couldn't."

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 57: In which desert planets continue to be terrible places (I/II)

Time period: during Master Rho's campaign

Amidst the shifting dunes of Loborr VI lies a recessed temple gate that somehow is never fully buried. The winds of the greater desert hold no sway there.

"This'd be better with explosives," said Pierce as he and the rest of Nalenne's crew waited alongside the officership of Insanity Company.

"We blew it all up last time," said Quinn. "Repeating the scenario is simply inviting the enemy to counter us. If you weren't there for the first one, that's your own fault."

"We might have recruited him earlier," said Captain Rutau. "From all I've seen and heard, Lieutenant Pierce would be a valuable addition to the company."

"No," said Quinn and Pierce in unison.

A sand skimmer crested the nearest dune and paused. It crept a little ways down into the unnatural calm of the temple ramp. Then it stopped, and Jedi Master Rho and his associates climbed out.

Master Rho cautiously led his party to fan out facing Nalenne's group.

"Jaesa," said Kira. "This looks a lot like an ambush. Like we talked about you not doing?"

"We're here to talk," Jaesa said nervously. "Probably."

"Yeah. Right." Kira took a look around, then smiled smugly. "Still, could be worse. Hey, Mister Wrath, how're you gonna drop rocks on us this time?"

Quinn scowled. "If I wanted to, Jedi, I would find a way."

Nalenne elbowed him. "My show," she whispered. She took a step forward. "So, Rho. We really need to talk."

"If that's what it takes to get you to stand aside, Lord Nalenne."

"Did Kira tell you what your boyfriend has been up to?"

"My what?" Rho said blankly.

"Your...oh, for spite's sake. Has she told you what Lord Scourge is doing?"

"Kira was mistaken," the Mirialan said firmly. "That misunderstanding has since been cleared up."

"I told you," Kira said to Jaesa. "He won't listen."

"You really don't think your Lord Scourge has been a problem?" said Nalenne.

"No. He has been a great ally," said Rho.

"Jedi clan has a dumbest as well," observed Broonmark.

"Rho," said Nalenne, "did Scourge happen to mention that, while managing your holocalls, he turned down Doctor Godera's hysterical begging for help against the destruction of two planets a couple of months back?"

Rho started. "He did?"

"Yup. Hung right up on the man. Repeatedly. I had to pick up your slack and save those worlds myself – a vocation I'd really rather not move into."

Lord Scourge gestured languidly. "Mistakes happen," he said. "Now, Master Rho. Shall we kill these interlopers and move on to the true task?"

"That's a lot of interlopers," Doc pointed out.

"Beepety boop beep," said T7-01.

"Your 'true task' is a sham," said Nalenne. "You should have listened to Kira, Jedi. The Emperor's all-consuming death vortex? That's a lie, made up by Lord Scourge to drive you into doing the dirty work for his personal vendetta. You're only here gathering his prep materials because he isn't strong enough to handle his grudge against the Emperor himself."

"You're mistaken, Nalenne." Rho spoke like he was trying to soothe a six-year-old. "The Emperor will destroy us all. It took tremendous courage for Lord Scourge to – "

"To run to Republic space and start giving you a you're-so-special speech, designed to play to your ego, so you can run be the big hero and save the galaxy in a textbook example of pandering to Jedi cultural stereotypes?"

"I…uh…he said there were cultists preparing rituals to serve the Emperor's ascension. I've seen them, everywhere. I've stopped dozens."

"The death cults were mostly organized by a very bored lonely servant of the Emperor. They're pathetic, not threatening."

"Their ideas were admirable," mumbled Lieutenant Hareth resentfully, but everyone ignored her.

Lord Scourge spoke up. "Wrath. After all the time you have spent in pursuit, is this the best attack you could come up with? You and I have seen things that no other living person has. We have tasted His dark presence and survived. Surely you must understand that He must be stopped." He started walking slowly towards her. "I realize it seems strange that I should have chosen a Jedi for this task. But surely you understand why. I didn't know if I could trust you. Could I have believed that anyone in the Empire would break free of their shackles enough to do what must be done? Could I really have hoped to find the necessary strength of will?" He stopped at last, looming over her, reaching to not-quite-touch her chin. He lowered his voice to a soft, intimate tone. "Could I have known the Wrath would be you?"

Nalenne stared up at him. "Nice, really nice. That might work if I hadn't gotten laid immediately before this conversation. As it is my higher brain isn't working enough to think through this situation as hard as you're suggesting."

"I could do it better," Scourge said, flicking a disdainful look at Quinn.

"You can't even enjoy it," scoffed Nalenne.

"I don't have to, so long as I get what I want afterward."

Quinn cleared his throat. "My lord, when it comes to intimate relations that is one of the worst possible sentiments you could express to this woman. Believe me."

"Hey," said Nalenne, turning on him, "you enjoy it. Don't you?"

Quinn cast a pained look at his company. "I can answer that in private, my lord."

"You'll answer yes. Right?"

"Not the point right now, my lord."

"Oh! Right. I was busy not getting talked into anything."

"Wow," said Vette. "Quinn's Stock Line #3 actually worked."

"That's a first," marveled Pierce.

"Sith clan has developed an unexpected willingness to listen to Sith clan's dumbest and take his needs and recommendations into account," quorked Broonmark. "We are glad for Sith clan chief's happiness, but we hope it will not interfere with killing."

"I'm sure there'll be killing," Nalenne assured him. "Because I'm not getting talked into anything."

Lord Scourge cast a quick look around, obviously recalibrating his idea of who was in charge. "General – the general who would have been Wrath," he said smoothly. "In a matter of this magnitude, would you leave the coming triumph to the Jedi?"

Quinn succeeded in looking down his nose at a man eight inches taller than he was. "My lord, I am an expert in unreliable narrators, so don't try. There is one Sith I follow and it isn't you."

Nalenne raised her voice. "Ladies and gentlemen, we can get on with the murder now."

"Stop!" called Rho. "Please. Lord Scourge, what are you doing?"

But Nalenne's lightsaber was already out, as were the blasters of Insanity Company. "Murdering," Scourge announced with a feral smile, and crossed sabers with Nalenne.

"Seriously," said Nalenne. "Any updates? Or were you just calling to complain that your boyfriend hasn't been in touch?"

"What?" said Quinn.

"Nothing, darling," said Nalenne. "Servant Two definitely isn't a creep."

<snerk>

Pandarr cocked his head and looked at the others. "I'm going to count that one as true love. Agreed?"

"Stop that," muttered Quinn.

"Agreed," chorused Rutau, Ritter, Rylon, and Hareth, nodding at Pandarr.

"If that's the case, I can say that true love is a strategic and tactical disaster," grumbled Quinn.

D'awww the cuteness!!! <3

And I do believe Scourge could convince me of practically anything with that voice. Uh. Yeah.

No plot today, but I was just recently reminiscing with some other fic writers over fic nonsense of yore and realized that I missed writing limericks. Even bad limericks. So here, in honour of Insanity Company:

Captain Pandorr

A captain at creative peak

Made up words when he started to speak.

We found him desirous

Of planting a virus

To wipe out the wounded and weak.

Lieutenant (once Sergeant) Ritter

To promote off of Hoth, listen so:

Sergeant Ritter could tell you. He'd know.

Though you've froze to your gun

There's a job to be done

So keep going. Uphill. In the snow.

Captain (once Lieutenant) Rutau

A lieutenant half dead from the strain

May press onward in spite of the pain.

We gladly will tend,

And rebuild, fix, and mend,

But alas, we can't give him a brain.

Ensign Rylon

There were secrets that Durmat boy knew,

Under pressure, he'd tell what was true.

So we wiped it away.

He's a new man, we'd say

With one constant: he still has no clue.

Lieutenant (once Colonel) Hareth

An officer simply named Hareth

Doeth more than most people would dareth.

But though glad to bite dust

When her boss says she must,

She's worse at it than (spoilers!) Aerith.

That is all.

And here we have artistic escalation, done Striges-kabeone-bright_ephemera style. ^.^

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 1.5: In which Niselle executes a plan man was not meant to plan

Time period: Shortly after Quinn's return to life

"Are you done yet?" Nalenne was sulking in a corner, eyes firmly covered, while a barely-clad Niselle danced some unholy dance to the accompaniment of drums. She knew she shouldn't have come when Andronikos invited her over for dinner. It was a trap. It was always a trap.

"The ritual's almost over. Whiner."

Nalenne did extend her Force senses, at least. They couldn't make out the details of the freakish outfit her sister was barely wearing for this setup. And something was going on in the Force; the energy Nis and her drumming had gathered was tremendous. She was probably going to waste it all on Force lightning. Do one thing, do it well, Nalenne supposed. Or, this being Niselle, do it badly.

Then Niselle stopped short and shrieked in her most irritating voice: "Iä!-Iä!-Iä!"

Andronikos' drumming stopped. The gathered energies of the room coalesced into a sphere almost blinding to Nalenne's Force senses. She opened her eyes to see a tenebrous portal yawning in the center of the room. There was a rush of cold stale air reeking of age-old death, and then a goat-thing emerged. A feathery goat-thing, its wings and body covered in a thousand overlapping gradations of black, its horns twisted and gnarled, its stubby legs lending it an oddly cute air.

The portal snapped shut. The beast blinked.

Nalenne gaped. "Oh, my Force."

"Marvelous, isn't it?" Niselle said smugly.

"Oh, my Force."

Niselle arched a hairless eyebrow. "What?"

"You did a Force ritual and it did something."

"Well, yes. This is what I've dedicated my career to, Lenny."

"You've dedicated your career to stealing my boyfriends and trying to ruin my life, Nis."

"Hm. You have me there. Well, I learn Force rituals of eldritch power in my spare time."

"I'm just shocked it worked. And you used it to summon a feather-goat-thing?"

"I used it to summon Shub-NiguWrath, The Fluffy Beast of the Abyss with a Thousand Feathers." Niselle frowned. "I did think he'd be bigger. But that's not the point; he is bound to my will. Now, Shub-NiguWrath. Devour my enemies. Starting with that one." Niselle pointed at her sister.

The fluffy abomination bounded toward Nalenne with tiny cute leaps. It headbutted Nalenne's thighs. Andronikos snickered.

Nalenne looked down. "Is that the best you've got?"

Shub-NiguWrath blinked at her with huge black eyes that seemed to serve as caliginous portals into a twisting nether from which lesser mortals might never escape. Then it headbutted her again.

Nalenne scritched its feathery head. "You're sort of miserably ineffective, but at least you're cute."

"The Beast of the Abyss with a Thousand Feathers is not cute!" Niselle said indignantly.

"Are you kidding? Just look at the ancient malice pulsing from the lightless depths of those big adorable eyes!" Nalenne scritched harder. Shub-NiguWrath made a small growl like the distant screams of a thousand voices snapping simultaneously into madness, then flopped to the ground and rolled over to expose the unnaturally soft downy feathers on its belly. Nalenne knelt to keep petting.

"Excuse me?" Niselle said sharply. "Shub-NiguWrath, you are my monster. Devour Nalenne."

Shub-NiguWrath's long forked tongue lolled free while Nalenne continued scritching its tummy.

"The last monster I freed from an ancient sleep neither living nor dead was much more useful than this," Niselle said petulantly.

"There is nothing wrong with you, you evil feathery goat-demon-thing," Nalenne said soothingly.

"Everything is wrong with him! He couldn't arcane-power his way out of a flimsi bag!"

Nalenne rolled her eyes and addressed Shub-NiguWrath. "Hey. Are you gonna take that from her?"

Shub-NiguWrath snorted. With supernatural agility it sprung and twisted to make a bounding charge toward Niselle, impacting with the full force of its little horns. When Niselle started a disdainful laugh Shub-NiguWrath raised and rustled its wings, slapping the Sith repeatedly in the face with its feather tips.

"Hey!" Niselle sneezed. "Quit it!"

"You show her, Shub," urged Nalenne. "Destroy all hope and suck out her very life force with the irresistible despair that I have a feeling you know how to generate in all living things!" Shub-NiguWrath ignored her and kept swatting Niselle with its wings. "Or...just tickle her some more."

Shub-NiguWrath brayed a bray of cheerful destruction torn in an unending swath through the ages without regard to the terror of the meaningless mortals caught in its path, and continued harassing Niselle.

Niselle sneezed harder. "Stars, I don't know what those stupid feathers are made of but I think I'm allergic."

"Oh." Andronikos cleared his throat. "That's a problem. Nalenne, could you step in with the, uh, eldritch horror? I don't want Nis dying of cute just yet."

"I am not dying of cute," Niselle said stuffily. "There may be some breathing difficulty, though."

"Tell you what," said Nalenne. "I'll get the beast away, but only if you promise never to lure me in to see Niselle dancing in her underwear again."

Andronikos nodded assent. "I would be happy to save that for myself."

"Deal. I'll just take him and be out of your way." Nalenne turned back to the stygian monstrosity. "Come on. Iä, Shub-NiguWrath! Iä!"

The many-feathered beast of madness frolicked after her, out and away from the still-fraught atmosphere of the arcane ritual, and away from Niselle's wretched sneezes.

*

"My lord?"

Quinn looked pointedly at the black beast of limitless horror that was wagging its feathered plume of a tail while accompanying Nalenne onto the Helicarrier.

"We're keeping him!" Nalenne said excitedly.

"I see." Quinn only twitched a little. "I am, as ever, powerless to stop you, my lord."

"Damn right. Let's go, Shub!"

<dies of laughter>

<revives>

You three have created a collective maelstrom of GENIUS!!!!

Couldn't help myself.

So once upon a time I left a thread mid-fight scene and forgot it forever. Maybe I can get it back on track, or at least to where things on the Method are proceeding...

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 58: In which peace is everybody's least favorite thing (II/II)

His resume notes, plain and true,

That backstabs are not at all new.

With someone like Scourge

One might heed the urge

To get him before gets you.

Blaster fire burst in every direction. Nalenne focused on Lord Scourge and quickly found that he had some qualifications for Wrath. Actual qualifications, not "we're desperate and you looked unemployed at the time" qualifications. She defended herself while dimly aware of Jaesa hurrying to block Rho, Rho's little astromech sending a volley of small missiles in Captain Rutau's direction, and general mayhem proceeding.

"You fight like a dairy farmer," snarled Scourge as he met her wild frenzy with controlled skill.

"What does that even mean?" said Nalenne.

Scourge sighed heavily. "It means you're going to lose."

Rho was desperately defending Scourge's back from the Imperial officers' blaster fire. The protection soon became unnecessary; Lord Scourge crouched, then leaped backwards, impossibly graceful for a big crimson ball of murder, and landed near the landskimmer that he and Rho's party had arrived in.

"If you refuse to aid me in this task, Jedi, I will pursue it alone," he shouted over the noise of combat. "If you were concerned about facing the Emperor, you would do well to fear opposing me."

"Scourge, don't draw fire on the skiff, it's a rental!" Rho returned, but Scourge was already on his way. Ensign Rylon and Captain Pandorr ran a few steps after it before it became clear that the vessel, and Scourge, were out of reach.

"Wait for me!" Captain Rutau limped after his two comrades, somewhat hampered by the freshly warped and charred metal leg. Around him the blaster fire fell silent.

"Guys?" said Jaesa.

Nalenne shook herself out of staring after Scourge. "Hmm?"

"Our target is gone."

"What are you talking about?" Nalenne gestured at the remainder of Rho's crew. "We've got five perfectly good targets right here."

"We all have a bigger problem," Kira said firmly. She looked at Rho as if hoping for backup on this statement. Rho was still staring after Scourge, looking mournful.

"I can deal with him," said Nalenne. "So I figure, with that aside, it's time for me to kill all of you."

Quinn cleared his throat. "My lord, we weren't going to betray them until after we disposed of Lord Scourge."

"Hey! I knew it!" Kira yelled.

"We're not betraying you guys," said Jaesa.

Nalenne rubbed her temples. "Jaesa…"

"Master, how else are we going to know where Lord Scourge is going or how to follow?

"Traditionally we kill 'em anyway and figure it out ourselves."

Kira leaped forward, blocking Rho, who was still staring off after his lost companion. "You won't this time," said the redhead.

Nalenne bristled. "Listen, if I spare your lives it's only as a favor to Jaesa."

"I know, master," said Jaesa. "I do appreciate it."

Doc waved. "So do we. In case you were wondering."

Rho finally shook himself and looked around. "I, too, am willing to support a peaceful solution," he said serenely.

"You're not fooling anyone with the calm-and-collected thing," sniffed Nalenne.

"I can support peaceful solutions while mourning the unexpected betrayal of one of my most valued companions," said Rho.

"You didn't expect it? From him? Lord Scourge, Emperor's Wrath, three-hundred-time winner of Korriban Academy's Sithiest Sith Award?"

"Well, no."

"No wonder he dumped you. Anyway, everyone, you can stand down now. Pierce, help Rutau with his leg there, would you?"

"We will take them prisoner, my lord. Yes?" said Quinn.

"No," said Jaesa.

"What she said," said Nalenne. "But only because I really like you, Jaesa."

Quinn looked like he was trying not to look miserable. "I…will defer to your authority, of course, my lord."

"Can't we defer to her while we're killing the Jedi?" Rutau suggested hopefully.

Jaesa glared. "NO."

"Wow," said Nalenne. "Your authoritative mode is actually kind of hot."

Quinn gritted his teeth, drew his blaster, and fired in Jaesa's direction. The bolt riffled her hair passing by, then streaked into the distance.

Jaesa winced and looked to him. "What was that?"

"Self-control at work," he grated. "Are we quite finished here?"

"But we haven't even started planning," said Jaesa. "Master Rho and his friends will certainly have information on where in Republic space Lord Scourge might have access. Plus, Kira loves the Dominion League animated series. She could come–"

"No," snapped Nalenne.

"But since we're working together and all…"

"No."

"Can I sleep over with her sometimes?"

"Only if you promise to behave." Nalenne looked over to give Rho a hard look. "You can watch if you want, I think it would be instructive for you."

"I already know all about the Dominion League," he said placidly.

"That wasn't what I…never mind. Insanity Company, pack it in. There's nothing else for us to do here."

His resume notes, plain and true,

That backstabs are not at all new.

With someone like Scourge

One might heed the urge

To get him before gets you.

LIMERICKS!!!!!

"You fight like a dairy farmer," snarled Scourge as he met her wild frenzy with controlled skill.

 

"What does that even mean?" said Nalenne.

 

Scourge sighed heavily. "It means you're going to lose."

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!

 

Lord Scourge crouched, then leaped backwards, impossibly graceful for a big crimson ball of murder, and landed near the landskimmer that he and Rho's party had arrived in.

mmm

"Scourge, don't draw fire on the skiff, it's a rental!"

Lord Scourge on the skiff.... mmmm...

"I already know all about the Dominion League," he said placidly.

 

"That wasn't what I…never mind. Insanity Company, pack it in. There's nothing else for us to do here."

ahahaha

I'm so happy right now. SO HAPPY.

Whew, now that I have that action finished I can feel all right about crossposting the miscellaneous past scenes I've written for the Short Fic thread. Incoming:

CHRONICLES PAST, 10. In which Nalenne erases Niselle's monument

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 4.5. In which the sisters encounter each other at a bar

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 12.5. In which Niselle contributes to cultural knowledge

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 51.5. In which Nalenne gets her way and also chocolates

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 52.5. In which Nalenne enjoys the new domestic arrangement

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 56.5. In which Insanity Company discusses their weapons of choice

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 59: In which Quinn makes note of the chain of command

Propriety, foremost and first,

Distinguishes best from the worst.

To know where to look

In which protocol book

Shows you're right and impeccably versed.

---

Time period: After Scourge's escape

"Pandorr," said Quinn, "I think it's past time to demote you."

Captain Pandorr gave Quinn a wide-eyed look. "Whatever for?"

"Insanity Company is full of overqualified officers. It isn't proper."

"Shouldn't we start with you, then, Quinn?" said Nalenne. "You're a general commanding a company. That's captain's work, major's at best."

"Most of my promotions since captain have been purely ornamental," said Quinn. "Including one that I believe you extracted at saber point. I don't count those ranks as meaningful. Pandorr, on the other hand, and Rutau, they've earned their captaincies and it is utterly inappropriate for them to be reduced to commanding platoons."

Rutau blinked worriedly. "You commanded fewer than that at your lost post, sir."

"My last post was with a Sith. She dictates whatever command structure she chooses. We're among sane people now," and here he conspicuously looked at everyone but Nalenne, "and there's paperwork to keep in order."

"Insanity Company laughs in the face of paperwork," declared Pandorr.

Quinn scowled. "Not while I'm commanding it, it doesn't."

"Hey," said Nalenne. "General. Remember when I helped you falsify your papers to keep your personnel certification records so we could keep requisitioning restricted military supplies?" (*)

Everyone gave Nalenne looks in varying degrees of interest.

Quinn squinched his eyes shut. "My lord, please..."

"I'm just saying. You've bent the truth before for maximum enjoyment in the field. I don't see why you can't do it now."

"I agree, my lord," said Rutau. "Sir, we're overqualified to a man."

"Except Lieutenant Hareth," Quinn pointed out. "She's neither overqualified nor a man."

"Except Lieutenant Hareth," conceded Rutau. "The point is, we ought to forget the rank plates and do our jobs."

"If you're to get anywhere in the Empire," Quinn said with a quiet intensity, "you never forget the rank plate."

"You're just mad yours was stuck on crooked for a year and a half while you were dead," scoffed Nalenne.

"It wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't knocked it askew whilst stabbing me immediately before the transition to death," said Quinn. "Now I'm alive, I'm in charge, we're observing the proper chain of command and we're playing it by the book."

"I'm Sith, I can take over the whole operation, and I say your captains stay."

"You can't take over Insanity Company. That's mine."

Nalenne waved. "Sith."

Quinn scowled. "Wrath."

"You were never confirmed as Wrath. The Servants just tossed the idea around before we got back together."

"The Emperor's Hand spoke, Nalenne."

"Darth Marr shot you down in front of the whole Dark Council."

"He was expressing equal levels of displeasure with both of us by the end. I…will confess I didn't quite hear their final decision, since I was busy with you." (*)

"Likewise. So we should probably assume that I still outrank you." Nalenne raised her hands. "I don't want to command the stupid thing, I just want your captains to keep their positions."

"You're the best Wrath ever," beamed Pandorr.

"You'll consider it, General. Right?" Rutau said anxiously.

"There's little for me to consider once the Wrath has made up her mind," grumbled Quinn.

"That would be correct, General," purred Nalenne.

I love this. *fangirl flailing*

We're among sane people now

wut?

"I agree, my lord," said Rutau. "Sir, we're overqualified to a man."

 

"Except Lieutenant Hareth," Quinn pointed out. "She's neither overqualified nor a man."

Hareth does not need paperwork to sacrifice herself for the glory of the Empire!