Looking forward to seeing where this winding road leads
You are very correct in the winding part
and I'm happy about the rest
*wants to hug Leer, but also wants to live*
Two weeks later...
'Blizz need Boss. Blizz friend's need Boss help. Boss need to be scavenger then pirate for Blizz.' The Jawa looks over his small shoulder and nods his head at a voice I can't make out.
'Please, Boss.' He chitters hastily. The small, grainy figure is gone but the plea echoes in my ears and rattles in my empty chest.
I clench my fists, crushing the edge of the holo panel. I distantly feel the pain of some of my nails breaking and others bending backward. Not my fingers that leave me hissing from a sting. Blizz...
My eyes are wild and needing as I look around the bare room. I let out a growl and clench my fingers further into the metal. Hear HK's footsteps. My fingers worm there way out of their metal cave. Leave six inhabited with a nail.
Slink around the corner of the door to the top of the stairs and see that HK is approaching the bottom from across the cargo bay. I move back to behind the doorway and wait for it. When it begins it's second step into the cargo bay, I attack with a sharp kick to his back that sprawls HK to the ground. Isn't enough. I'm still angry. Words too small for the livid outrage I feel. Think most of it is against myself. For what I'm not doing and what I will continue not doing.
'Need to be better than that, HK,' I taunt as it lifts itself from the floor. 'Droid, initiate training protocol 3.'
HK moves to attack and we begin a dance. Not like training with... I pause the thought for a brief moment which almost allows HK to land a sharp blow to my side. Censoring what I think isn't becoming easier. Wonder if it would be better if I just allowed myself to think or say his name.
Don't have to hold back with HK. It doesn't bruise or break in most places. Doesn't feel pain or take as long as an organic to heal. It's my hard punching bag that fights back. When I cancel the training, my body aches in different places. Worst is my chest. HK had nothing to do with that.
Look my body over and see minimal bruising. Head's a little clearer. Not much room for thinking when sparring with HK. Too even for that. Look HK over and see it's rather fine.
'Continue previous orders.' HK takes it's dismissal in silence and continues his sporadic trek through the ship.
The cockpit is silent when I enter it. Always used to wish it was silent. At this moment, I wouldn't mind any of the people absent being in it. I sit in Mako's chair again and access my account. Money for the politician and his son have been transferred. I send half of it to Blizz with a note.
I pause before sending. The note seems to glare at me. Maybe it's because I feel like glaring at myself.
'Hope this is enough. Leave the planet and start over on a new ship with your friends. That's an order.'
What right do I have to order him? I wipe the message and stare at the blank space. Know what my heart wants to fill it with: news that I will follow the credits; the confession that I miss him; the request for him to join me; the pledge that I will kill the men that betrayed and stole from him. Promises I won't and can't keep. Can't type those anymore than I can think his name without choking on air. When did you become so fracking soft? I know the answer. I know it far too well.
'Hope this is enough to compensate you and your friends.'
I hesitate before typing the next words. 'Good luck, Blizz.'
Good luck because I won't be there
, I think bitterly. I shake my head. It's good luck for him that I'm not. He doesn't need me. Liar.
With that word my anger at the men that robbed from and betrayed Blizz is back. My hatred of myself returns like the rising of the second Tatooine sun. Know HK won't be enough. Know I can't repeat Corellia. What I need becomes clear. How many days will I have to spend out there until I'm better?
Even like this, know there's something I have to check first. How can I think so clearly when all I want is to feel enough things die under my hands so this anger becomes something bearable? Until exhaustion takes its toll and this livid, burning feeling is something that isn't tearing me apart from the inside? How do I put the inferno in my chest out again now that he's gone? You go and help the friend you love.
Not an option. Not a fact. Temporary relief. And I know that I don't want to stop hating. I don't want to stop this anger that walks with its hand through mine. After all, if someone took the anger and hatred away, what would be left?
I tap my leg and expect to feel a pocket. I growl in pointless aggravation when I don't feel one. Make my way into the other room to the holo terminal with heavy steps. Bring up the number I want quickly. Within moments of calling, the dark red Devaronian is standing above me in grainy blue.
'In the holo flesh, babe.' He gives me a distracted leer as he takes a few steps which blurs his figure. 'But as much as I love
calls from you I'm kind of busy with work at the moment.' He looks over his shoulder quickly then back at me.
'That's nice, dear,' I satirically reply with a patience and humour I don't feel. Really couldn't give a **** what he's doing. I clench my fingers at my sides. 'So you aren't going to be home for dinner?' I raise an eyebrow and clench my fists a little tighter.
'No, babe. Don't stay up for me,' he replies with an absent grin and another glance over his shoulder. Good, I can leave the ship unguarded.
'Ok. I'll leave your dinner on a plate.' I smirk up at his large figure. I've never cooked my crew dinner. Unless in HK's point, oiling it is classified as a meal.
'No, don't worry, my dear. I won't be home again for a few nights. Will you miss me?' Gault gives me his full attention for the first time and more than a little mockery.
'As much as a Selkath would miss the desert,' I reply with exaggerated pleasantry and sincerity as I look up at him.
Gault begins his usual objections, his work apparently forgotten. I shut off the holo. Small smile begins to crack my mouth open. Clenched, white teeth peek through the gap. I shake my head more at myself then Gault and leap over the banister, landing lightly in the cargo bay. Did Gault always manage to make me smile no matter how angry I felt?
Guess that would make someone wonder about their feelings for a while or make anyone else think they need to meet more people. Only makes me think about removing the one I have.
'HK, we're going hunting!' HK separates itself from the shadows and exclaims it's slightly chilling joy. 'I know. Been too long since we went hunting together.'
'Agreement: Three weeks is far too long, master.'
'I said I know, droid.' My impatience to leave is back. I'm a bomb that's ticking and is about to explode. Only hope I can make it out of the city before I do. 'Get whatever you need together. We leave in five minutes.'
I run up the stairs and into my room. Leap across the bed and land in a crouch in front of two different crates. Quickly type in the code to unlock one and open the lid eagerly. Inhuman grin pushes the corners of my lips up and apart when I see the shining wood of my crossbow. Lightly trace my fingers along its surface and feel the grooves under a thick lacquer, my need to run and kill momentarily forgotten in the melancholy of a long held off reunion. The wood came from a branch in Kashyyyk. Least that's what the General told me: a fifth year anniversary present.
Feel the same stab of disgust that had kept me from opening it. More stimulant is added to my blazing rage. Take it out roughly and strap it back on. Try not to feel a sad pang at my rough treatment of it. Hate how much I love it. Hate why and by who it was given to me by. But it's craftsmanship, the feel of it on my back and in my hands... don't know how I went the last few years without it.
Open the other crate and pull out the bolts, still in a quiver I attach onto my belt. I stand up and strap it on. Walk through my room. Heading for the door. For a reason I can't define, I stop in front of my mirror. Stare at myself: my eyes moving up and down my body, taking in my torn pants so the legs sit high up my thighs and my cut shirt that is more like a black, shabby vest, before fixing my wandering gaze onto my eye. Look like how I used to in the Organisation only something's off. It will take me months to realise what. When I do, I will wish I had realised a lot sooner.
I meet HK at the exit. I give it a vicious grin and we walk down the exit ramp together. Lock the entry with a new code. Don't want to risk Gault coming back early.
Turn to HK and hitch my crossbow up my back. Give him a fiercely sadistic smile, a chuckle bubbling out of my throat.
'Let's go hunting.'