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Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
09.03.2016 , 02:09 AM | #21
I really enjoyed all the action. You captured Xalek and Nadia well and I look forward to the next chapter.

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.03.2016 , 04:01 PM | #22
Quote: Originally Posted by wangxiuming View Post
The battle was definitely very engaging and well-paced. Well done!

It doesn't bode well for Jay-li and Nadia if they are having trouble with Xalek 2 vs 1. Are they heading for a steamrolling against Nox? Looking forward to seeing what's next!
Oh dear, that's an issue! I didn't mean to convey the image that Jay and Nadia are weak... Please allow me to explain.

Jay-Li and Nadia severely underestimated Xalek. Had Nadia not hung back so long, looking to swipe the holocron and if the two Jedi mounted an immediate surprise attack (instead of going for the holocron first) aiming to kill or disable him, they would have succeeded. Xalek, however, is a tough fighter. The fact that Jay-Li and Nadia weren't able to overwhelm him right away speaks to the depths of Xalek's own endurance. Xalek was pretty much doomed to lose if the battle had stayed a mere martial competition, his defeat was merely a matter of time under those circumstances.

But true combat isn't just martial prowess or skill, it is also strategy and psychology. Xalek only managed to escape by theorizing the existence and extent of Jay and Nadia's relationship and then using it against them. Had he tried to defeat them he would have lost swiftly. Also keep in mind that once Nadia appeared Xalek was focused solely on defending himself. All his efforts were being poured solely into that goal. That is part of the reason he was able to take on two Jedi for what amounts, in real time, to 20 seconds of combat. Had Xalek not found an exit strategy when he did, it would have simply taken another 10-20 seconds for Jay-Li's Time Slow force power to rob him of enough of his reaction time to be defeated.

Xalek lasting so long was a nod of sorts to SWTOR as well. In-game, with a tank player and their dps companion whaling on a Xalek tank (or any other tank spec'd companion) it would still take a significant amount of time to defeat him, as a way of recognizing this without making the confrontation too ridiculous, I wrote it to last about 40-50 seconds give or take 10 seconds. The reason the fight may seem so long is because I'm showing it to you in what almost amounts to slow motion!

It's also worth noting that while I do base the specific force powers and fights somewhat off of SWTOR game mechanics, the fights are ultimately narrative combat as opposed to mechanical combat. This means that the fights have to be more realistic and dynamic than in-game. In SWTOR, Xalek would have been overwhelmed and lost within 20-30 seconds, even in tank spec. But in a real-life fight in a parallel universe (like this one), he won't just go down so easily. In this universe, defeating an opponent isn't about getting their hp to 0, its about outwitting, outmaneuvering, or overpowering them. Thus Xalek, thanks in no small part to Nox's training and his own abilities as a warrior, was able to survive fighting a Jedi Master who was playing defense (notice Jay was using Niman with some Soresu, basically tank spec) for about 20-30 seconds, then surviving a fight with that same Jedi Master (Still playing it safe) and a powerful Jedi Padawan (using a more offensive variant of Niman) that lasted about 10-20 seconds.

Notice also, that the time Xalek spent fighting Jay, the Jedi Master was merely batting away his attacks like they were nothing. Xalek was pouring everything he could into overwhelming Jay, but Jay countered everything he had rather easily, showing not even a hint of tiring. Jay was only attempting to distract and engross Xalek so Nadia could swipe the holocron. Had Jay actually attempted to defeat or kill Xalek the fight would been (boringly) over much sooner!

With my perspective on combat, I only hope people can conclude that this fight doesn't necessarily mean Nox will steamroll Jay. Again, combat (at least in this universe) is much more dynamic than:

Nox has 6 power
Jay has 3 power
Battle result: Nox defeats Jay by 3.

Combat is much more flexible and chaotic than that!

TLDR: Jay and Nadia aren't necessarily weak, they just underestimated Xalek and wasted their advantage/element of surprise. Xalek himself is a tough fighter, although he could hold both of them off for a short time, his defeat was inevitable if the battle had remained a mere martial contest.

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I really enjoyed all the action. You captured Xalek and Nadia well and I look forward to the next chapter.
Excellent! Although you sadly won't see action like this in the next segment, that segment will have its own appeal (hopefully!). And we'll get to see a different side of being a Dark Lord of the Sith!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

wangxiuming's Avatar


wangxiuming
09.03.2016 , 08:26 PM | #23
Just wanted to reinforce that I have been enjoying the story so far. My question was more an idle musing rather than a criticism. I never really expected Jay to be steamrolled. I only wondered because he and Nadia didn't exactly have the best showing from that battle.

I'll be the first to say that I am no professional writer or anything; please feel free to disregard/ignore my comments based on what makes sense to you.

Spoiler
Heralds of the Fall (Twitter)
The False Sith
The False Empire
The False Emperor

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.03.2016 , 08:57 PM | #24
Quote: Originally Posted by wangxiuming View Post
Just wanted to reinforce that I have been enjoying the story so far. My question was more an idle musing rather than a criticism. I never really expected Jay to be steamrolled. I only wondered because he and Nadia didn't exactly have the best showing from that battle.

I'll be the first to say that I am no professional writer or anything; please feel free to disregard/ignore my comments based on what makes sense to you.

Spoiler
lol you liar! :P XD

False Empire is one of the best fanfiction stories I've read in a good long while! You sir, are an adept of your craft!

I'm glad you don't think Jay and Nadia come across as weak. At least Jay, if not both of them, will be around for a good long while so the last thing I need as a writer is a weak antagonist for my main character! :$

1. Xalek not being outmatched. You make some very good points here. I briefly considered staying in Jay's perspective for the fight, but I really wanted to give Xalek some time in the spotlight. Jay will be sticking around for a good long while, and I will have plenty of time to develop him as a character and to showcase his combat skills. Xalek on the other hand, won't be around for as long as Jay will. It's inevitable as he is merely a secondary character, but he will not be around for all 3 books. Because of this I decided that the first saber fight should be from Xalek's perspective, and that the bloodthirsty apprentice should have his 15 minutes of fame first.

I know this likely didn't come across(but I'm sure as we see Jay fight more throughout the story it will dawn on people), but Jay and Nadia weren't actually giving it everything they had. Their primary goal was to secure the holocron. Capturing or even defeating Xalek was only a secondary concern. This more because he was their best link to the intangible threat that they had, rather than typical Jedi mercy.

2. Xalek not being concerned about defeat? lol I honestly hate to be "that author" but chalk this one up to typical Sith/bad guy arrogance. Xalek, while powerful in his own right, wasn't nearly on the same level as Jay(again we'll see this proved as we see Jay do some more all-in fighting later in the book). Nadia he could likely beat on his own, but Jay alone or Jay + Nadia (provided both are actively trying to kill/defeat him) would, nine times out of ten, be too much for him. Still, like any good Sith he remains completely, willfully ignorant of the true depths of his opponents power.

3. Xalek easily handling two opponents at once. This is a fair point, but I would call your attention to the Sith who has been the source of much of my inspiration for Xalek: Darth Maul. Darth Maul, as we saw in EU fiction and especially TPM, was rather easily able to handle two opponents at once: Jedi Master Qui-Gon and his powerful Padawan Obi-Wan(interesting parallel there don't you think? lol). This isn't so much because Maul was more powerful than the two of them combined, but that he was incredibly skilled and highly trained in lightsaber combat (from birth as we all know) and was even trained specifically to fight multiple opponents at once. A similar thing has taken place for Xalek. Nox has trained him to be an expert saberist and master of lightsaber combat, but has refrained from teaching him great secrets of the Dark Side and all of the ways of the Sith. When you combine that with the fact that Jay and Nadia aren't trying their hardest to defeat or kill him, you get the fight we see here in this chapter. A quick, fun, simplistic fight that is (essentially) me stretching my wings and learning how to fly. The fights will get better, I'm sure of it!

4. Xalek being the only one to land blows. True, this is a seemingly questionable fact. Reality is though, if either Jay or Nadia landed a blow on him it likely would have ended the fight right then and there (lost limb maybe :P). Their end goal was to tire him out to the point where he was so weak that they could leisurely disarm and disable him. That way they could secure the holocron without being forced to kill or maim him.

Now that I think about it though, it might well have been a decent idea to have Xalek be maimed or damaged by this fight in some way...it would certainly give him a much stronger motivation(not that he needs it lol) when facing Jay or Nadia in the future.

You've given me much to consider here. Thank you very much! Your feedback will not go to waste, I promise!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

wangxiuming's Avatar


wangxiuming
09.04.2016 , 12:04 PM | #25
Haha, thank you for your kind words about my story. There are definitely areas that I am still working to improve upon too though.

I'm glad you found some of my suggestions thought-provoking. I think you made some excellent points as well about Xalek's sith arrogance. And I'm looking forward to see what happens next with Nox and Jay!
Heralds of the Fall (Twitter)
The False Sith
The False Empire
The False Emperor

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.06.2016 , 09:34 AM | #26
Well guys, here it is! The longest segment yet! It was a real pain to edit. I have no doubt that despite all my careful work there are errors and places where it could be improved, so if you see something or have an idea don't be shy! Constructive criticism benefits us all!

As always, please enjoy the show!
Spoiler
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

wangxiuming's Avatar


wangxiuming
09.06.2016 , 07:58 PM | #27
The suspense and intrigue are building really well! Really looking forward to seeing how the Hands play into this story. Kudos
Heralds of the Fall (Twitter)
The False Sith
The False Empire
The False Emperor

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
09.06.2016 , 08:00 PM | #28
Quote: Originally Posted by wangxiuming View Post
The suspense and intrigue are building really well! Really looking forward to seeing how the Hands play into this story. Kudos
Agreed, I am very curious about the hands and look forward to more. ^^

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.13.2016 , 12:26 AM | #29
Well guys, I'm sorry it took so long but here is the next part! I didn't do as much editing as I normally do as the segment itself was the topic of an internal debate for about 2-3 days. In other words, keep an eye out for spelling/grammar mistakes and problem areas! When you find them don't be afraid to point them out so I can fix 'em! If you have any suggestions or feel the segment is lacking something don't be afraid to speak up and phrase your input constructively, I will do my best to take it under serious consideration. Feedback is always welcome!

For your reading pleasure:

Outfits
Jay-Li: Outfit 1

Spoiler
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

MishaCantu's Avatar


MishaCantu
09.13.2016 , 01:25 AM | #30
I enjoyed this chapter and appreciate your word usage in describing the landscape and fights. I enjoyed the Xalek portion of the last chapter, admittedly he is one of my favorites, which I believe I stated before. I also enjoyed the moments of tenderness from both the sith and the jedi.

Spoiler


I will be looking forward to more chapters.