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Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.22.2016 , 09:38 PM | #11
Quote: Originally Posted by De-mu-noki View Post
... Then your knowledge is WRONG!! This is a pretty good start! Is it just me or were you describing a DK-stronghold as Nox's residence? I yould really see those planetary displays from alliance boxes, the ops/fp trophies and the darkside forge with the holocrons around it! great job!
also... what happened to talos? did Nox not pick him up? I'd say good riddance!
Seeing as how I'm rubbish at commenting on the story (like most comments are) I will probably only chime in when I see something to give constructive critisicm on, but I am definately following this story as I really enjoyed its start!
haha thanks!

1. Yes the stronghold I described is an exact replica of my fully unlocked DK apartment suite in-game.
2. Talos is merely a background character...for now. I can promise he will play a surprisingly more important role than you might think. In my headcanon (off of which this story is based) certain companions of Nox play more important roles in his life and thus will appear in it more frequently with more impact. With regards to Xalek not talking to Talos, that is simply to showcase how little the mortal archaeologist matters to Xalek. Talos may well end up being far more important to Nox as the story progresses!

Quote: Originally Posted by MishaCantu View Post
Your editing of the dialogue has made all the difference in the reading experience. Thank you for doing that.

I definitely enjoyed the beginning of your story, and Xalek is actually one of my favorite companions in game. He is so delightfully bloodthirsty and lives true to his own code. He is also one of the most devoted companions. I am glad someone is giving him some attention.

Looking forward to more.
I'll try not to give too much away, but regarding Xalek I can promise you he is important to the story. Despite Nox being the official main character, many of his companions and peers (The Wrath, The Imperial Ghost/Cipher Nine, and the Grand Champion of the Great Hunt) will have parts to play in Nox's story.

If you truly are looking for more do not worry! I'm planning enough content to fill 3 novels!

Notice I said planning hawhaw...I honestly don't know if I'll be able to write 3 full-length novels worth of good content but I won't try to stretch it by including unnecessary content. When the story of Book 1 is finished, regardless of how long it is, Book 2 will start!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.23.2016 , 12:22 AM | #12
Hallelujah! Finally got it done guys! Im soo tired now! Been up way past my bedtime! :P I'm probably as satisfied with this segment as I'm ever going to be, so here you guys go!

Note: This is where you'll start seeing more 18+ stuff guys. Well, not exactly the modern version of 18+ so maybe its more 13+ level to most of my readers...

Please enjoy!
Spoiler
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

wangxiuming's Avatar


wangxiuming
08.23.2016 , 08:05 PM | #13
I like the details you highlight in the description (like Ashara's outfit), it really brings the story to life. This chapter definitely kept my attention the whole way through, looking forward to see what's next.

Spoiler
Heralds of the Fall (Twitter)
The False Sith
The False Empire
The False Emperor

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.23.2016 , 10:37 PM | #14
Quote: Originally Posted by wangxiuming View Post
I like the details you highlight in the description (like Ashara's outfit), it really brings the story to life. This chapter definitely kept my attention the whole way through, looking forward to see what's next.

Spoiler

a) Thanks! If you like my vivid descriptions of details and environments, I think you'll love it when I start doing fight scenes! In my personal style of writing I believe fully in making sure I paint a vivid picture of the world I'm creating. I do this because that's how I read stories. I form a film in my head and events, characters and locations are either formed from descriptions in the text or are extrapolated from what little details the author does communicate. So as a result when I write I try to create a film of the events and characters in the minds of my readers, because I'm trying to convey the film I'm seeing play out in my head as I write the words.
b) Yeah....I shoulda seen that. Sorry :$
But thanks for pointing that out! I'll get to fixing it asap! lol

EDIT: Fixed it up best as I could think to do, also fixed a bunch of other areas where I think the "flow" was off. re-read it if you like and let me know what you think!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
08.23.2016 , 11:18 PM | #15
I agree with Wangxiuming, you do add some nice details to your work, keep it up! He also gave you some good tips there too, and together with the other changes you did before, it's really shaping up. Good work. ^^

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.26.2016 , 11:46 PM | #16
Hey guys! I took advantage of the forums being down the other day to get some serious editing done, so lucky you guys! I'm now satisfied enough with this segment to release it to you!

As a favor to me would you guys mind commenting on the length of my releases? Somehow I get the feeling they're too short...I want to know what you guys think. Are you willing to wait longer for new segments if it means getting more content? I should also note that I have been working on these segments with incredible focus and intensity over the past week or so. That is one of the main reasons why they are coming relatively fast compared to updates to other fanfictions (at least the ones I've seen lol). As such I cannot promise that this breakneck pace of release will continue! So enjoy it for however long it lasts!

Just like the others, I greatly appreciate constructive feedback. Any tips and hints that improve my story, and my writing skills in the process, are beneficial to me as a writer, and you as the reader!

This segment will introduce our main antagonist. Normally its a Sith who fills this role, but since this is a story about a Sith I believe its only appropriate that his greatest opponent should be a Jedi Master...

As always, please enjoy!

Outfits
Jay-Li: Outfit 1

Spoiler
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.02.2016 , 03:29 AM | #17
Hope I didn't keep you guys waiting too long! I'm now satisfied with this piece and release it to you for your consideration, critique, and reading pleasure.

I planned to write a lot more than this when I thought about what I would say when I released this segment, but its well past 5 in the morning here and I've just spent the past 4-5 hours doing nothing but writing about half of the 2nd chapter, of which this is the first segment (Yay we made it to chapter 2! lol)...As you can guess I'm very tired and have to be up at 10:30 tomorrow to boot. Yeah, good luck with that. :$ Anyway here's the start of chapter 2! As always constructive criticism is welcome and feedback is appreciated! Speak your mind!

Sorry its so short, but that's only because the next segment is almost twice the length if I understand Microsoft Word Count correctly.

Enjoy!

Outfits
Jay-Li: Outfit 1

Spoiler
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

FlameYOL's Avatar


FlameYOL
09.02.2016 , 02:40 PM | #18
Quote: Originally Posted by MayhemofChaonus View Post
Hope I didn't keep you guys waiting too long! I'm now satisfied with this piece and release it to you for your consideration, critique, and reading pleasure.

I planned to write a lot more than this when I thought about what I would say when I released this segment, but its well past 5 in the morning here and I've just spent the past 4-5 hours doing nothing but writing about half of the 2nd chapter, of which this is the first segment (Yay we made it to chapter 2! lol)...As you can guess I'm very tired and have to be up at 10:30 tomorrow to boot. Yeah, good luck with that. :$ Anyway here's the start of chapter 2! As always constructive criticism is welcome and feedback is appreciated! Speak your mind!

Sorry its so short, but that's only because the next segment is almost twice the length if I understand Microsoft Word Count correctly.

Enjoy!

Spoiler
Damm Xalek is basically TOR's Darth Maul!nice writing man you're capturing the essence of a Sith master and apprentice relationship really well.
A man can have anything...If he's willing to sacrifice everything

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
09.02.2016 , 11:41 PM | #19
Quote: Originally Posted by FlameYOL View Post
Damm Xalek is basically TOR's Darth Maul!nice writing man you're capturing the essence of a Sith master and apprentice relationship really well.
Hahaha oh dude...you have no idea how much that connection you made tickles my funny bone. I have the feeling your going to love what I plan to do in Book 2. XD

Thanks for the positive feedback! That stuff is like meat and drink to hobby writers like myself!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

wangxiuming's Avatar


wangxiuming
09.03.2016 , 01:29 AM | #20
The battle was definitely very engaging and well-paced. Well done!

It doesn't bode well for Jay-li and Nadia if they are having trouble with Xalek 2 vs 1. Are they heading for a steamrolling against Nox? Looking forward to seeing what's next!
Heralds of the Fall (Twitter)
The False Sith
The False Empire
The False Emperor