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Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
Legacy of Darkness - A Fanfiction trilogy

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.21.2016 , 01:36 AM | #1
A Sith Lord with his eyes on godhood, his unrepentant lover, his deathly loyal apprentice, and a Jedi Master guided by destiny and the Force. This is the legacy of darkness.

Hello readers! (At least I hope you plan to read my story, or this will be like me reading to an empty room...) Welcome to the beginning of what I plan to be a new Star Wars Trilogy! I've been mulling over this idea for 2 years and have finally been inspired to strike out and attempt to put thought to paper! Please keep in mind I am a hobby writer. I have an interest in writing but am not very skilled/experienced (at least to my knowledge), so please give me constructive feedback! I will try to welcome it! My plans for the trilogy involve a time jump between each "novel", hopefully executed much better than KotFE's... The first "novel" is set in the TOR era following the life of Teridax, a Male Dathomirian Zabrak version of (Composite) Darth Nox (i.e. he has the full range of both Sorc and Sin abilities/skills), immediately after his ascension to the Dark Council (Don't worry I won't cover much of old expansion content, in this alternate universe he never gets involved in the Makeb incident or SOR, The Emperor's Wrath and the Imperial Ghost aka ex-Cipher 9 deal with various parts of those releases in my headcanon, possible spin-off series material if I ever decide to get around to it...).

I've added a Table of Contents so you can find the parts (and in the future the Chapters) you want more easily (less scrolling and clicking for you my dear readers!). You have the author of the very well-composed False Sith and False Empire stories: Wangxiuming (How do you even pronounce that?!?) to thank for this handy little innovation! Make sure to stop by those threads and show your gratitude(No need to thank me for the free advertising Wan, not that u need it :P)

Due to my subscription expiring, I can no longer post updates to the story here on the forums. I will instead be posting the story one chapter at a time on RoyalRoadL and Fanfiction.com.

I've begun work on an outfit guide so that you can see my character's looks for yourself in-game if the descriptions I provide in the story go over your head, are unrecognizable, or you're just curious!

DISCLAIMER: Rating is 13+! Due to scenes dealing with frightening images, implied sexual content, and the occasional bit of graphic violence, reader's discretion is advised!

Now please, enjoy the show!

Book 1 - Darkness Ascendant


Character Outfit Guide
Spoiler




Chapter 1 - Part 1
Spoiler


Legacy of Darkness Links

Fanfiction
RoyalRoadL

Please note: I think I have Fanfiction.com figured out in a very basic sense now. However, due to the confusing and complex nature of the Fanfiction.com system I plan to only upload entire chapters at a time, no regular updates. If you want to keep abreast of the story's development on a regular basis that will be what these forums and RoyalroadL will be for.

You can also support me and my works on Patreon here.
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

OfficerDonNZ's Avatar


OfficerDonNZ
08.21.2016 , 02:47 PM | #2
Very interesting. And I have to say I honestly think you sell your writing ability way too short. It blows mine out of the water. I'm lucky that I have an absolutely amazing beta reader/editor that turns my work into something truly worth reading. The first 5 chapters are so lacking because she didn't start beta reading until chapter 6 and it really shows.

I'm not sure how I feel about the 18+ warning as I generally don't bother reading such work. It's more a personal thing than anything else. I always wonder if the writer is, how to put it? Trying to compensate for something that's lacking in the story and that could be almost anything. To me a good story shouldn't rely on a 18+ rating. If there is logical and plot related reasons for said rating then that's fine. But as I said it'a my personal feeling. So feel free to totally ingor it

Hope my ramblings have been of some help.

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
08.21.2016 , 03:31 PM | #3
I really enjoyed the beginning of your story and am looking forward to more. I do have one suggestion; in the interest of helping clarity a bit, and that is, whenever there is a new speaker, to put their dialogue on a separate line so that it's clearer who is saying what part.

Like your paragraph here is an example and below it an example of what I mean:

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?" "I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!" "Then you must die." The voice declared and the eyes shone with power. His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!" Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Nox screamed.

****

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?"

"I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!"

"Then you must die," the voice declared and the eyes shone with power.

His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!"

Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

Nox screamed.

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.21.2016 , 03:42 PM | #4
Quote: Originally Posted by OfficerDonNZ View Post
Very interesting. And I have to say I honestly think you sell your writing ability way too short. It blows mine out of the water. I'm lucky that I have an absolutely amazing beta reader/editor that turns my work into something truly worth reading. The first 5 chapters are so lacking because she didn't start beta reading until chapter 6 and it really shows.

I'm not sure how I feel about the 18+ warning as I generally don't bother reading such work. It's more a personal thing than anything else. I always wonder if the writer is, how to put it? Trying to compensate for something that's lacking in the story and that could be almost anything. To me a good story shouldn't rely on a 18+ rating. If there is logical and plot related reasons for said rating then that's fine. But as I said it'a my personal feeling. So feel free to totally ingor it

Hope my ramblings have been of some help.
don't panic! lol! I put it at 18+ simply because I plan to make these works deal with more mature content like violence, sexuality, and trauma. The last thing I want is to get punished for not putting ample warning and to have the mods come down on me saying little 12-year-old timmy read my stuff and had his innocence stolen. This way my bases are at least partly covered and I can ask:
a) Why were little timmy's parents letting him browse the fanfiction section of SWTOR.com unattended?
and b) I told little timmy right before the story that it was 18+.

I honestly thought of putting 13+ first...but then I took a second look at the part I'm working on for the next segment of Chapter 1 and thought: "Yeah not sure I'd want my 14-year old sister reading this...better make it 18 to be safe." Although in all fairness I might be just completely paranoid that even a whisper of sexuality in my stories will get me banned. Which is odd considering I've seen some stuff on here that conjured pretty specific sexual images in my mind...or maybe it's just an art form of implying sexuality without actually discussing it directly. I'm entirely unsure of how much of that sort of content (violence and sexuality) is allowed in this section of the forums. I imagine BW has to keep some kind of eye on that sort of thing, otherwise this forum would no doubt be a lot danker...

In regards to the content in question, I'm actually having to make a serious effort to hold back. i'm used to just letting the words flow and if its too graphic or sensitive well that's your problem, not mine. So far I've had several instances where I wrote a paragraph. Re-read it, then decided: "It would be too risky to post this on an official forum..." So make of that what you will. If you really are unsure of the 18+ rating and what it means for the future of the story, read a little more of the story when I release further parts before you decide if that rating and what it means makes this story not for you. I really just want it there to cover my rear and to warn hyper-sensitive people that I'm not planning to pull any punches.

EDIT: Re-did the Disclaimer in the hopes of not scaring off too many potential readers, at least not completely lol!

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I really enjoyed the beginning of your story and am looking forward to more. I do have one suggestion; in the interest of helping clarity a bit, and that is, whenever there is a new speaker, to put their dialogue on a separate line so that it's clearer who is saying what part.

Like your paragraph here is an example and below it an example of what I mean:

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?" "I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!" "Then you must die." The voice declared and the eyes shone with power. His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!" Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Nox screamed.

****

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?"

"I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!"

"Then you must die," the voice declared and the eyes shone with power.

His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!"

Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

Nox screamed.
Hey wow...that's...really good advice! Thanks! I can't believe I never even considered that! I suppose thats the advantage to being an experienced forum writer. See I was thinking of this story in terms of a book, where you can't break up lines like that because it just fills up pages. But this a forum, so I guess I can take advantage of that.

Thanks Luna!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
08.21.2016 , 04:15 PM | #5
Quote: Originally Posted by MayhemofChaonus View Post
Hey wow...that's...really good advice! Thanks! I can't believe I never even considered that! I suppose thats the advantage to being an experienced forum writer. See I was thinking of this story in terms of a book, where you can't break up lines like that because it just fills up pages. But this a forum, so I guess I can take advantage of that.

Thanks Luna!
You're very welcome. Glad to have helped. It's the same with books, it's not just forum advice, have a closer look next time when you're reading. Sometimes the structure is lost on us because we get engrossed in the story. Everytime a different person speaks, it's on a different line, so it's clear. You never see two characters quotes on the same line, like "I hate spiders," Phil said. "I know you do," Kate replied. I'm also published (forum writing is for fun) so it's something that I see and deal with quite often.

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.21.2016 , 06:25 PM | #6
Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
You're very welcome. Glad to have helped. It's the same with books, it's not just forum advice, have a closer look next time when you're reading. Sometimes the structure is lost on us because we get engrossed in the story. Everytime a different person speaks, it's on a different line, so it's clear. You never see two characters quotes on the same line, like "I hate spiders," Phil said. "I know you do," Kate replied. I'm also published (forum writing is for fun) so it's something that I see and deal with quite often.
Well now i feel both honored and embarrassed that an official author corrected me (a former book geek) on novel sentence structure... :P :$
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
08.21.2016 , 07:12 PM | #7
Quote: Originally Posted by MayhemofChaonus View Post
Well now i feel both honored and embarrassed that an official author corrected me (a former book geek) on novel sentence structure... :P :$
Don't be embarrassed, it's all good, just wanted to help.

MayhemofChaonus's Avatar


MayhemofChaonus
08.22.2016 , 10:05 AM | #8
If anyone out there is wondering why I have yet to add a new part, its because I'm hard at work writing more! The reason its taking so long is because without a Beta reader/editor to help out I have an irresistible compulsion to read, edit, re-read, and re-edit multiple times to try and get it exactly right. (I'm a perfectionist, its crippling sometimes) I should have the next part ready by the 24th at the latest!

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I really enjoyed the beginning of your story and am looking forward to more. I do have one suggestion; in the interest of helping clarity a bit, and that is, whenever there is a new speaker, to put their dialogue on a separate line so that it's clearer who is saying what part.

Like your paragraph here is an example and below it an example of what I mean:

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?" "I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!" "Then you must die." The voice declared and the eyes shone with power. His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!" Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Nox screamed.

****

He looked at the face on the door and suddenly it looked back. His fear nearly overwhelmed him as the Dark Side itself stared back at him. He was looking into the face of death. "Do you have what it takes?" The voice, everywhere and nowhere at once, boomed in the void, echoing seemingly off of nothing. "Will you sacrifice what is required?"

"I will fulfill my destiny!" He shouted, staring straight back into the eyes of the Dark Side. "I will become a god!"

"Then you must die," the voice declared and the eyes shone with power.

His defenses started to collapse and he heard the voices again. "Die, die, die, die!" they whispered, growing louder every second. "Die, die, die. die!"

Nox covered his ears but the voices only became louder. "DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

Nox screamed.

I went back and edited the first segment to try and apply the advice you gave me. Please check it over (if such a busy person like yourself has the time :P) and let me know if I applied your advice correctly!
"The weak will always be victims. That is the way of the universe. The strong take what they want, and the weak suffer at their hands. That is their fate; it is inevitable. Only the strong survive, because only the strong deserve to" - Darth Bane
May the Force forsake you

De-mu-noki's Avatar


De-mu-noki
08.22.2016 , 12:34 PM | #9
This is the Table of Contents including the parts I've submitted as beta reader from the point where Mayhem's subscription ran out. He will be updating his OP whenever he resubs!

Book 1 - Darkness Rising





Original Message in this post:
Spoiler
Vanjervalis Chain, Germany

MishaCantu's Avatar


MishaCantu
08.22.2016 , 12:38 PM | #10
Your editing of the dialogue has made all the difference in the reading experience. Thank you for doing that.

I definitely enjoyed the beginning of your story, and Xalek is actually one of my favorite companions in game. He is so delightfully bloodthirsty and lives true to his own code. He is also one of the most devoted companions. I am glad someone is giving him some attention.

Looking forward to more.