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Conquering the Darkest Places


Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.14.2016 , 04:53 PM | #1
So, some time ago, being last summer, I started participating in the Short Fiction Weekly Challenge Thread (big props to Striges for running it for years and years!) I really enjoy the community and stories there, even if I haven't posted anything for a long while. But as August started to close, I had been playing my Sith Warrior, leveling through the story. And I wanted to do something more than short stories, something longer, more coherent. Warrior was the first character I ever played on the live release of TOR (we don't talk about my bug-fueled Shadow from closed beta), but I had been putting it off doing it again three years later, partially for some painful memories that accompanied the story. But you know, I finally started it and had a blast. I played more pragmatically - my previous playthrough had been a lot of MASH BUTANS! DARK SIDE CHOICES! as a narrative sacrifice in the name of hitting gameplay dark V. Oh sure, this new warrior - Authenta - was merciless, but she wasn't an idiot. She also maybe kind of had a compassionate streak. Sometimes.

"Treat your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look upon them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you... even unto death."

And I completely fell in love with this much different take on the story; it was, honestly, fairly close to how I am as a person. I paid very close attention to the Warrior story, and knowing I would forget it all anyway, recorded videos of every cutscene and every conversation, from level one through to smashing the Skytrooper factory on Darvannis with the Mandalorians. (non sequitur, but dubya tee eff, mate, why there? Darvannis is a terrible, worthless planet. But that is an exploration for another day). I kept a notebook... trying to figure out random plot points: both of my own devising and trying to explain the more silly ones, we'll say from Bioware's. I built personalities, histories, names, faces, civilizations. I've always had a fantastically active imagination, but I could never draw for ****, and honestly never well. But I have a gift for language, and so I decided due to the influence of the short fiction thread that I would put everything thundering around in my head to page. You know, after "only" ten months. An homage to writers far greater than I. This, I think, is going to take more than one post. I hope you, dear reader if you are still with me, are ready for a long ride. It may be amusing, or terrifying, or inspiring, or compelling, or heartbreaking... or a thousand other emotions for which there are no words. But what comes to mind first is probably "mediocre."
Spoiler


So, this is that story. This is Authenta's story. This is...

Conquering the Darkest Places
Episode I
Spoiler


Tune in next week! Same Sith time, same Sith channel
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
06.14.2016 , 07:29 PM | #2
You did it! Good for you. And a promising start too. I don't think I can compete with your awesome reviews, but I'll give it the ol' college try.

Chapter One:

I do enjoy the idea, that you'll be exploring what happens between Baras and Monk.
Monk sure does come across quite nervous, I guess the promotion is freaking him out more than a bit.

You've captured Baras' voice really well, I could hear him speaking inside my mind to the dialogue, so that's a really good indication that you know him well. I liked Baras and I would have served him, if he hadn't done what he did lol.
I love his authority...'You there...slave...carry this!' Who's gonna say no?

Authenta has an interesting background, I look forward to learning more about her. A little point of confusion for me...you mention early on that she has' garnet locks'...then 'midnight red' and then later they're black... 'deep red skin and black hair'...I'm not being a nitpick, just trying to get a bead on her look. Did you simplify her description because it was what Adikemos was seeing? Men tend to have 'simpler' descriptions for colour than women do...

I think you dropped the 'O' in this line... 'pening her duffel wider'
Pyxis an interesting word...meaning container or box, if I'm not mistaken.

Ahhh....black shimmersilk. The material all awesome sexxxy dresses are made of. Accarrgm! And Ne'tra gal! New and interesting booze choices. The latter seems to resemble a beer the hubby liked drinking before they stopped selling it here...perhaps you've heard of Trois Pistoles...

And no fun night out at a bar is complete without an intoxicated PITA. I look forward to see what Auth does to him. I have my suspicions about his identity
Spoiler


Great start, I'm looking forward to more!

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.17.2016 , 10:29 AM | #3
Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
You did it! Good for you. And a promising start too. I don't think I can compete with your awesome reviews, but I'll give it the ol' college try.
ERR. MAHGERD. A reply! :O

So I fixed a couple of the weird clerical errors, such as the missing letter... probably me doubletapping delete accidentally during formatting. Speaking of missing things... not too abrupt an ending there? I felt like it might kind of be; but then it's not like TV shows historically (or every damn week *cough*GOT*cough*) haven't cliffhangered that hard, either.

And now I have this thing going where figuring out a nicely formatted and easily readeable reply system is harder than it looks. Does the partial quote+ spoiler tag work or is it too clunky? It seems really long.


Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Chapter One:

I do enjoy the idea, that you'll be exploring what happens between Baras and Monk.
Monk sure does come across quite nervous, I guess the promotion is freaking him out more than a bit.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
You've captured Baras' voice really well, I could hear him speaking inside my mind to the dialogue, so that's a really good indication that you know him well. I liked Baras and I would have served him, if he hadn't done what he did lol.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I love his authority...'You there...slave...carry this!' Who's gonna say no?
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Authenta has an interesting background, I look forward to learning more about her.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
A little point of confusion for me...you mention early on that she has' garnet locks'...then 'midnight red' and then later they're black... 'deep red skin and black hair'...I'm not being a nitpick, just trying to get a bead on her look. Did you simplify her description because it was what Adikemos was seeing? Men tend to have 'simpler' descriptions for colour than women do...
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
I think you dropped the 'O' in this line... 'pening her duffel wider'
Pyxis an interesting word...meaning container or box, if I'm not mistaken.
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Ahhh....black shimmersilk. The material all awesome sexxxy dresses are made of. Accarrgm! And Ne'tra gal! New and interesting booze choices. The latter seems to resemble a beer the hubby liked drinking before they stopped selling it here...perhaps you've heard of Trois Pistoles...
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
And no fun night out at a bar is complete without an intoxicated PITA. I look forward to see what Auth does to him. I have my suspicions about his identity
Spoiler

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Great start, I'm looking forward to more!
YAY!
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
06.17.2016 , 12:38 PM | #4
I'm actually going to try and do a spoiler cut, go me!

Spoiler

De-mu-noki's Avatar


De-mu-noki
06.17.2016 , 12:56 PM | #5
WOW this is really great!! Subscribed and happily waiting for more...
Yeah I'm not much of a comment writer (if I think of the state of my own fanfic... I'm not a good writer at all )
Vanjervalis Chain, Germany

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.21.2016 , 10:08 PM | #6
It's technically still Tuesday because I haven't gone to bed yet (right?), so I managed to stick to my self-imposed weekly update schedule. Next week's episode will be almost assuredly late since my best friend is getting married Saturday; I just won't have time to write much over the weekend. Anyway, new episode, woo! Word of warning because I forgot this last time:

Conquering the Darkest Places may contain spoilers for all class stories, as well as all sidequests, planetary questlines, operations, and expansions of TOR. And also Game of Thrones, because I am cruel and unusual.

Also, credit to In This Moment for lyrics from their song Black Widow contained in this week's episode. (Giant metal fan warning.)

Episode II
Spoiler
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.21.2016 , 10:20 PM | #7
Quote: Originally Posted by De-mu-noki View Post
WOW this is really great!! Subscribed and happily waiting for more...
Yeah I'm not much of a comment writer (if I think of the state of my own fanfic... I'm not a good writer at all )
Thanks! I am glad you like it I'm so behind on my reading of a lot of the other stories posted since I've been super busy lately. ;_;
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.

Lunafox's Avatar


Lunafox
06.22.2016 , 02:53 PM | #8
Woots! New chapter! Sorry, I'm a bit behind this week, but better late than never, I say! ^^ I blame summer.

Chapter Two Comments:

Spoiler

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.23.2016 , 08:28 PM | #9
Hi Lunafox! Thanks for round two comments

I went with a spoiler box and colored text this time, since I thought the last reply post was excessively long. Is the red too hard to read? It's very accidental Imperial but I'm not sure if it's too eye-searing or not.

Quote: Originally Posted by Lunafox View Post
Woots! New chapter! Sorry, I'm a bit behind this week, but better late than never, I say! ^^ I blame summer.

Chapter Two Comments:

Spoiler
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.

Diviciacus's Avatar


Diviciacus
06.30.2016 , 11:30 AM | #10
I feel a bit silly because this is two days late. I had forgotten that around now narratively I was going to include a section which has been written for the better part of a month. So Friday after the rehearsal I was chilling in a lawn chair thinking to myself I wouldn't be behind schedule for this week's update.

And then I derped hard and ended up having to write a dialogue-heavy chapter. Dialogue is hard, yo. I'm definitely learning that I need to write more detailed notes for things. "Detained on orbital station" is pretty useless, let's be honest. Longer than usual episode this week. (Does three total posts get to count as "usual"?) In my defense it would have been published yesterday but I spent all day working on a friend's garage and got home and was like "screw writing, murder people on Overwatch!"

Anyway!

Episode III
Spoiler
Nonne mei fratres congruitis nobis nostram cruore ferroque humum recipienda esse aut Imperium Aeternum quae omnia speremus peregerimusque vere perdat?
Conquering the Darkest Places, the ongoing misadventures of a Sith doing what's right by her.