blackryptonite Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 The "Roll a slinger - your guarded is already waiting" initiative Trying to play Combat, but every time you use precision you're stunned? WELL THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY! Roll a slinger now, to receive the longest CC immunity in-game! 20 secods/1 min uptime guaranteed, with a possibility to extend to 25s/1m at a low price! Master strike? More like poop strike! Upgrade your louzy, melee only 3s channeled ability, which most of the time you won't even complete to Speed Shot! For only $9.99, we will upgrade your Speed Shot with 30% surge, 2s channel time, 21% crit chance increase AND a CD reset every 45 seconds! Tired of spamming blade rush over and over again, hoping that the blade storm crit will proc when Jesus is not on your side? Worry no more! Aimed Shot's mechanic ensures that no luck is involved! If you ever want to hit that sorc for 10k, just hit him for 5k two times before! No luck involved, satisfaction guaranteed! Your Watchman dots are always getting cleansed? Merciless Slash never crits? YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT! No CD on dots ensures that even if someone will waste 2 globals, you can reapply them immidietly! Did I just say 2 globals? Indeed I did! Your new and improved dots are so amazing thanks to the unique Liquid Swag™ formula, that they require 2 - YES TWO - cleanses to remove them! Did I mention that one of those dots is aoe? Not only is it aoe, but it requires only 10% of your maximum resources to activate! Why spend time trying to put all of those Overload Saber stacks, when you can just dot everyone in one go! Our NoStack™ DoT technology developed by BioWare Austin engineers, ensures you don't have to waste time applying 1 dot over 3 globals. That way, you will have more time to troll the forums, laugh at bads, post your DPS records and spend quality time with your family. Since I've mentioned Resources, does it ever feel like having to build them with Zealous Strike is a waste of time? It does indeed, but thanks to our MaxResource™ upgrade, you will always start with 100%! Why waste time on bulding resources, when you can just do what you want - more dps! But wait, there's more! Guarded by the Doge™ - 666th upgrade to Guarded by the Force, featuring 1337x more effectiveness, with only 1 minute cooldown and no more of the "50% health loss" shenanigans. Be Immortal. Be doge. No strings attached. Scrambling Field - make sure that your pocket healers will survive with this huge shield that gives 25% damage reduction. How big it is you ask? It has enough room for your mom AND her fridge! Dirty kick - ever felt like using Stasis stuns you as well? Not anymore! Kick them in the balls and run with their money! Upgrades to 45s Cooldown for as low as $1.99. BUT WAIT, THERE'S EVEN MORE! BioWare's love for the class ensures no nerfs will ever occur, and the fact that you're a ranged, reduces the number of QQ threads by 33%. Hit them from afar, they will still think a sentinel did it. Customer Reviews: "Such dps, much skill. 0 to doge in 60 seconds. Doge tested, doge approve, so MLG" - Doge 10/10 "It seems like while waiting for the next Call of Duty, there's very little to do" - IGN 2/10 "Remember to look awesome while making your slinger, spend more in Cartel Market today!" - EA 8/10 "Finally I made a class that I can enjoy with my wife, kids and their dog." - BioWare Class Balance Guy 10/10 "This game is pure perfection. One step for BioWare, one miracle for mankind." - Andryah 7/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoFishing Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Can I suggest a relocation program? All these tears from sents/maras would probably cure California's drought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theBEARthatCARES Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 1 / 10 Amusing but pvpers will always need something to cry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessNuri Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Never get tired drinking Mara tears.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackryptonite Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Actually i don't have a mara/sent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
venomlash Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Oh my goodness I can't stop laughing. I think if I try to stop laughing I might start crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evanouss Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) I love it when they pop hunker down, i just LOS them and either they abandon it, then i kill them, or i wait it out, then i kill them.....i never ever invis to them, i wait till they root me, then i invis and kill them... Edited February 19, 2014 by Evanouss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OM-AR Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 10/10 just for the awesome post. Something I enjoyed reading and sadly it's true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elboc Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 As a sniper main, I lol'd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TACeMossie Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 9.8/10, good lols and everything, but there was this issue: BUT WAIT, THERE'S EVEN MORE! BioWare's love for the class ensures no nerfs will ever occur The 62% damage nerf on orbital means this isn't true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngusFTW Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) 11/10 btw there is no way in hell this was written by you krypto.. xD Edited March 2, 2014 by AngusFTW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midianlord Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Did you know: The tears of melée derpoons who don't understand the concept of "exploiting the turret-class's dependence on position and/or vulnerability to line-of-sight" have been proven to have a pump-octane rating of 102. And unlike racing petrol of that rating, they don't even cost anything beyond the monthly sub! That 11.6 : 1 compression, roller-cammed 440 Charger R/T I've seen around here surely thanks you. 5/10. Edited March 2, 2014 by midianlord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scriffle Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Krypto you are the slinger/sniper TOFN deserves but doesnt need Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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