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Roll a slinger - your guarded is already waiting

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Classes
Roll a slinger - your guarded is already waiting

blackryptonite's Avatar

02.18.2014 , 07:06 PM | #1
The "Roll a slinger - your guarded is already waiting" initiative

Trying to play Combat, but every time you use precision you're stunned?

Roll a slinger now, to receive the longest CC immunity in-game! 20 secods/1 min uptime guaranteed, with a possibility to extend to 25s/1m at a low price!
Master strike? More like poop strike! Upgrade your louzy, melee only 3s channeled ability, which most of the time you won't even complete to Speed Shot! For only $9.99, we will upgrade your Speed Shot with 30% surge, 2s channel time, 21% crit chance increase AND a CD reset every 45 seconds!
Tired of spamming blade rush over and over again, hoping that the blade storm crit will proc when Jesus is not on your side? Worry no more! Aimed Shot's mechanic ensures that no luck is involved! If you ever want to hit that sorc for 10k, just hit him for 5k two times before! No luck involved, satisfaction guaranteed!

Your Watchman dots are always getting cleansed? Merciless Slash never crits?

No CD on dots ensures that even if someone will waste 2 globals, you can reapply them immidietly!
Did I just say 2 globals? Indeed I did! Your new and improved dots are so amazing thanks to the unique Liquid Swag™ formula, that they require 2 - YES TWO - cleanses to remove them!
Did I mention that one of those dots is aoe? Not only is it aoe, but it requires only 10% of your maximum resources to activate! Why spend time trying to put all of those Overload Saber stacks, when you can just dot everyone in one go! Our NoStack™ DoT technology developed by BioWare Austin engineers, ensures you don't have to waste time applying 1 dot over 3 globals. That way, you will have more time to troll the forums, laugh at bads, post your DPS records and spend quality time with your family.
Since I've mentioned Resources, does it ever feel like having to build them with Zealous Strike is a waste of time?
It does indeed, but thanks to our MaxResource™ upgrade, you will always start with 100%! Why waste time on bulding resources, when you can just do what you want - more dps!

But wait, there's more!
Guarded by the Doge™ - 666th upgrade to Guarded by the Force, featuring 1337x more effectiveness, with only 1 minute cooldown and no more of the "50% health loss" shenanigans. Be Immortal. Be doge. No strings attached.
Scrambling Field - make sure that your pocket healers will survive with this huge shield that gives 25% damage reduction. How big it is you ask? It has enough room for your mom AND her fridge!
Dirty kick - ever felt like using Stasis stuns you as well? Not anymore! Kick them in the balls and run with their money! Upgrades to 45s Cooldown for as low as $1.99.

BioWare's love for the class ensures no nerfs will ever occur, and the fact that you're a ranged, reduces the number of QQ threads by 33%. Hit them from afar, they will still think a sentinel did it.

Customer Reviews:
"Such dps, much skill. 0 to doge in 60 seconds. Doge tested, doge approve, so MLG" - Doge 10/10

"It seems like while waiting for the next Call of Duty, there's very little to do" - IGN 2/10

"Remember to look awesome while making your slinger, spend more in Cartel Market today!" - EA 8/10

"Finally I made a class that I can enjoy with my wife, kids and their dog." - BioWare Class Balance Guy 10/10

"This game is pure perfection. One step for BioWare, one miracle for mankind." - Andryah 7/10
Maiar Legacy Beachez

Assassin/Shadow Sorc/Sage Powertech/Vanguard Cummando

Nostrum Dolus

NoFishing's Avatar

02.18.2014 , 07:18 PM | #2
Can I suggest a relocation program? All these tears from sents/maras would probably cure California's drought.

theBEARthatCARES's Avatar

02.18.2014 , 07:19 PM | #3
1 / 10
Amusing but pvpers will always need something to cry about.

PrincessNuri's Avatar

02.19.2014 , 09:23 AM | #4
Never get tired drinking Mara tears....

blackryptonite's Avatar

02.19.2014 , 01:01 PM | #5
Actually i don't have a mara/sent.
Maiar Legacy Beachez

Assassin/Shadow Sorc/Sage Powertech/Vanguard Cummando

Nostrum Dolus

venomlash's Avatar

02.19.2014 , 03:39 PM | #6
Oh my goodness I can't stop laughing. I think if I try to stop laughing I might start crying.
Quote: Originally Posted by MichelleArcher View Post
Hey there, all! This thread has passed the dreaded 1,000 post limit, and is now in fire. Thanks for the fun, but we feel this discussion as run its course. We will not be restarting this thread.
Jarrant Gartin, Gunnery Commando, Spark of Hope, Begeren Colony

Evanouss's Avatar

02.19.2014 , 03:44 PM | #7
I love it when they pop hunker down, i just LOS them and either they abandon it, then i kill them, or i wait it out, then i kill them.....i never ever invis to them, i wait till they root me, then i invis and kill them...

OM-AR's Avatar

02.20.2014 , 12:13 PM | #8
10/10 just for the awesome post.
Something I enjoyed reading and sadly it's true.
The Red Eclipse:
Marauder: OM'AR Assassin: OMAAR
DCUO: OMAAR Hardlight

Elboc's Avatar

02.28.2014 , 03:59 PM | #9
As a sniper main, I lol'd.
Jët - Level 55 Mercenary - Rank 75 Valor
"Agent" Směth - Level 50 Sniper - Valor Rank 97
***The Untold Legacy*** The Bastion Server -"Founder"

TACeMossie's Avatar

03.01.2014 , 03:44 AM | #10
9.8/10, good lols and everything, but there was this issue:

Quote: Originally Posted by blackryptonite View Post
BioWare's love for the class ensures no nerfs will ever occur
The 62% damage nerf on orbital means this isn't true