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Of Blood and Honor - Jailbreak


SpoeMeister's Avatar


SpoeMeister
11.30.2012 , 08:43 AM | #21
Wow... Just wow...

You know what is amazing? The description was always so detailed, I really felt I was there... The excitement, the passion, and even an action scene for Mako.... Your stories are truly evolving and I think you're putting more and more thought in background stories as well.

Not only that, where most fic writers would really overdo it on the "internal struggle theme" on both Layne and Raia, you really kept it clean and sober. Just enough to feel where they're coming from, but not so much that it feels obligated... You've showed this talent already with Apoc's brother and now again you have shown some really good empathy skills.

If I do have to critique something, it would be merely on format instead of content: when Raia is reading the fourth letter (which is written in Italic) there is a part where she looks at her wedding picture, which shouldn't be italic as it describes an action. But this is probably just a small error that can easily be fixed ;-)
Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not yet the end.

Spivak Legacy (ToFN)
SpoeMeister Orrusos Do'chan Nadobo

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silvershadows
11.30.2012 , 09:54 AM | #22
Quote: Originally Posted by SpoeMeister View Post
Wow... Just wow...

You know what is amazing? The description was always so detailed, I really felt I was there... The excitement, the passion, and even an action scene for Mako.... Your stories are truly evolving and I think you're putting more and more thought in background stories as well.

Not only that, where most fic writers would really overdo it on the "internal struggle theme" on both Layne and Raia, you really kept it clean and sober. Just enough to feel where they're coming from, but not so much that it feels obligated... You've showed this talent already with Apoc's brother and now again you have shown some really good empathy skills.

If I do have to critique something, it would be merely on format instead of content: when Raia is reading the fourth letter (which is written in Italic) there is a part where she looks at her wedding picture, which shouldn't be italic as it describes an action. But this is probably just a small error that can easily be fixed ;-)
! I'm so glad that you like it!

Sometimes, when I glance over other people's fiction, I get kind of lost in the amount of flowery words or unnecessary description - they write the way they roleplay (which I can understand), but it can be a little... seems like they're trying too hard, maybe? I dunno, I try not to critique others work when I sometimes have doubts about my own, haha.

I wanted to give each character a little time in the spotlight this go around, which, as you noticed, Mako really appreciated. I also felt it was important to really give people a look into Torian's mind, to view his thought process and see - well, that he has one. I've seen a lot of people talk about Torian as if he's a "dumb blonde" or slow because of the way he speaks (the typical Mandalorian short sentences), when the truth is that he doesn't need to say everything he thinks because he's a man of actions rather than words.

I'm currently working on Deepening Shadows which would really be a sequel to my first story about my smuggler, though Apoc is likely to make at least a cameo appearance. What I don't mention at the end of Jailbreak is that Darth Umbral is so quick to leave the room because she felt the first pains of labor. It's been a long time since my first story, and it's time for Jedi Master Isad'ia to have her moment to shine... or fall, either one.

Of course, Apoc, Torian, and Layne now have even more to do with the reforming of Clan Cadera and their work for Mand'alor, so they will be back to being the central figures in my work as soon as Deepening Shadows is done. I hope that you'll enjoy that story too, despite its lack of Mandalorians!

Also, thank you for pointing out my formatting error, I'll take care of that in just a minute - posting my stories to the forums is a fight every time with trying to find every instance of ship names, or Mando'a speech, or thoughts that must be italicized, words that must be emphasized. I really wish I could just drop a .pdf file into the body of a post and have it use that!

Again, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and it really makes me feel good about writing more when I see just how much.
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.

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SpoeMeister
11.30.2012 , 11:39 AM | #23
Quote: Originally Posted by silvershadows View Post
! I'm so glad that you like it!

Sometimes, when I glance over other people's fiction, I get kind of lost in the amount of flowery words or unnecessary description - they write the way they roleplay (which I can understand), but it can be a little... seems like they're trying too hard, maybe? I dunno, I try not to critique others work when I sometimes have doubts about my own, haha.

I wanted to give each character a little time in the spotlight this go around, which, as you noticed, Mako really appreciated. I also felt it was important to really give people a look into Torian's mind, to view his thought process and see - well, that he has one. I've seen a lot of people talk about Torian as if he's a "dumb blonde" or slow because of the way he speaks (the typical Mandalorian short sentences), when the truth is that he doesn't need to say everything he thinks because he's a man of actions rather than words.

I'm currently working on Deepening Shadows which would really be a sequel to my first story about my smuggler, though Apoc is likely to make at least a cameo appearance. What I don't mention at the end of Jailbreak is that Darth Umbral is so quick to leave the room because she felt the first pains of labor. It's been a long time since my first story, and it's time for Jedi Master Isad'ia to have her moment to shine... or fall, either one.

Of course, Apoc, Torian, and Layne now have even more to do with the reforming of Clan Cadera and their work for Mand'alor, so they will be back to being the central figures in my work as soon as Deepening Shadows is done. I hope that you'll enjoy that story too, despite its lack of Mandalorians!

Also, thank you for pointing out my formatting error, I'll take care of that in just a minute - posting my stories to the forums is a fight every time with trying to find every instance of ship names, or Mando'a speech, or thoughts that must be italicized, words that must be emphasized. I really wish I could just drop a .pdf file into the body of a post and have it use that!

Again, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and it really makes me feel good about writing more when I see just how much.
If I were to write stories, I'd love for my peers to critique me, because I'd see it as a different point of view. Off course, I wouldn't write one (I tried though) because I lack a fundamental writing skill: to be descriptive and concise (is that the word? it should mean short hahaha) at the same time. I also lack a serious amount of planning and forward thinking. I'm the type of guy who writes his essays in one stroke of the pen, never to reread it again... But I digress (a third flaw)... The point is, critique is important for growth... I know I didn't give much, because of my own lack of writing experience.

You really put a very well thought of version of Torian... I noticed when playing my Bounty Hunter that I indeed saw him as kind of a silent force, like a henchman. But when I read your first Mandalorian Story (I'm not an expert on Mandalorian Culture), I actually looked him up a bit (his likes and dislikes) and what I loved about him was the complexity of his (dis-)approvals for companion affection. Honor before all was actually really close to the way I wanted my own character to be...

Regarding Umbral, I got that "OMG, I'm starting labor" vibe when she abruptly left the room, but as long as it wasn't written, I couldn't be too sure so thanks for clearing that up ;-) I'm interested to learn more about her, because in this story she was depicted as a weird Sith... But I remember in "a Smugglers Tale" that there was more to her, and her child as well. I will have to reread that story, but it'd be my pleasure.

You seem to have a very good grasp of the Mandalorian Culture and its language (again, I'm far from knowledgeable) and maybe it's a nice idea to expand further on that in the next installment of "Of Blood and Honor". I'm sure that they'll have a lot of work ahead of them to restore the Cadera-name and maybe this is a good opportunity to show some other rituals/events/... that have a very significant impact in Mandalorian culture.

Finally, I want to ask if you have played through the Imperial Agent story line? I'm sure you will love this story as it has a lot of moral issues in it (deception, betrayal, those are our tools ;-)) and I'm interested to see a character created by you.
Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not yet the end.

Spivak Legacy (ToFN)
SpoeMeister Orrusos Do'chan Nadobo

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silvershadows
12.01.2012 , 02:32 AM | #24
Quote: Originally Posted by SpoeMeister View Post
If I were to write stories, I'd love for my peers to critique me, because I'd see it as a different point of view. Off course, I wouldn't write one (I tried though) because I lack a fundamental writing skill: to be descriptive and concise (is that the word? it should mean short hahaha) at the same time. I also lack a serious amount of planning and forward thinking. I'm the type of guy who writes his essays in one stroke of the pen, never to reread it again... But I digress (a third flaw)... The point is, critique is important for growth... I know I didn't give much, because of my own lack of writing experience.

You really put a very well thought of version of Torian... I noticed when playing my Bounty Hunter that I indeed saw him as kind of a silent force, like a henchman. But when I read your first Mandalorian Story (I'm not an expert on Mandalorian Culture), I actually looked him up a bit (his likes and dislikes) and what I loved about him was the complexity of his (dis-)approvals for companion affection. Honor before all was actually really close to the way I wanted my own character to be...

Regarding Umbral, I got that "OMG, I'm starting labor" vibe when she abruptly left the room, but as long as it wasn't written, I couldn't be too sure so thanks for clearing that up ;-) I'm interested to learn more about her, because in this story she was depicted as a weird Sith... But I remember in "a Smugglers Tale" that there was more to her, and her child as well. I will have to reread that story, but it'd be my pleasure.

You seem to have a very good grasp of the Mandalorian Culture and its language (again, I'm far from knowledgeable) and maybe it's a nice idea to expand further on that in the next installment of "Of Blood and Honor". I'm sure that they'll have a lot of work ahead of them to restore the Cadera-name and maybe this is a good opportunity to show some other rituals/events/... that have a very significant impact in Mandalorian culture.

Finally, I want to ask if you have played through the Imperial Agent story line? I'm sure you will love this story as it has a lot of moral issues in it (deception, betrayal, those are our tools ;-)) and I'm interested to see a character created by you.
Torian has kind of stolen my heart in a very real way. Three bounty hunters later, and I still can't get enough of him. He's so very intense, always thinking about what he can do to be a better Mandalorian, and what he can do to prove that he is no aruteii (traitor) dar'manda like his father. After writing so much about him, he's become like my own character, and I feel like I have such great insight into his mind and what makes him tick - perhaps because my personality IRL is so much like his and Apoc's.

The two of them work well together, they have an almost jedi or sith-like sense of each other and what the other is thinking in combat that they don't need to speak very much. To them, the concept of honor isn't an outdated or outmoded thing, and neither would stoop to low or dirty tactics to win a fight, nor would they pick on someone who isn't up to their skill level - there is no fun in fighting the weak or defenseless, after all.

That isn't to say that they don't have the typical Mandalorian mindset of aggression and a lust for life - they do, which is evinced by the game they sometimes play of scaring people who unsuspectingly hit on them in cantinas and their desire to meet all conflicts head-on. Mandalorians are cautious and always have a plan B, which is why Apoc was distressed that she couldn't find any flaws in her plan to board the Incarcerator. It's hard to plan for contingencies when you can't think of any. Of course, none of them were expecting Raia Jesses to have been assigned to the Incarcerator after the death of Requiem Squadron in Jedi Hunt.

I'm floating several ideas around for the next Of Blood and Honor, and I really look forward to writing it, though I feel as if I do need to give them a little break before I have them run off and play dodge the blaster bolt some more. (Though Torian would point out, once more, that Apoc really isn't that good at dodging)

As for Umbral... yes, she appears as a strange Sith Lord in Jailbreak, though I attempted to keep her sinister air about her. She came off the way she did mostly because we were viewing her through Apoc's eyes, and Apoc thinks all Sith are full of themselves with an over exaggerated opinion of their own importance.

In Deepening Shadows, I will be showing Umbral through the eyes of her apprentice, as well as through the eyes of Jedi Master Isad'ia. Many people play their Sith as light side, and many fanfic authors humanize the Sith Warrior and Quinn to the point where they seem to lose the dark edge that really makes their characters. Umbral is supposed to be detestable, the embodiment of the Dark Side itself. Her love for Quinn is purely selfish - she will save his life only because she does not want to lose him, because she would be diminished with his loss.

I also attempted to bring out a bit of the rivalry between Quinn and Peirce, both for Umbral's favor and her affection. (Though poor Quinn has no idea that Umbral slept with Peirce after Quinn's failed assassination attempt). Peirce, of course, also has a burning desire simply to one-up Quinn, and Umbral toys with him just enough to give him the false hope that he might succeed one day.

As for the Imperial Agent, no I haven't actually finished playing through the story. My husband took a year to hit level 50, and told me he wanted to hit 50 on at least ONE class before I did, and Imperial Agent was that class. Now that he's finished with it, I will likely revisit the Imperial Agent after I level my latest version of Apoc (I'm on Apocalypsa 5.0 now haha), and after I level my commando to heal my guild in pvp because they whine an awful lot (I'M KIDDING GUYS LOL).

I do look forward to the IA, I got one to about 30 before my husband made his declaration of possession over the class I attempted to play it as more of a neutral-aligned character, though I think I may go mainly dark side when I revisit the class.
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.

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SpoeMeister
12.01.2012 , 05:09 AM | #25
Quote: Originally Posted by silvershadows View Post
I do look forward to the IA, I got one to about 30 before my husband made his declaration of possession over the class I attempted to play it as more of a neutral-aligned character, though I think I may go mainly dark side when I revisit the class.
I had the same idea, to go mainly dark side on my agent. But as the story progresses, I really made a turning point around Voss, causing my reactions to shift more to the light... I don't want to spoil too much, so you'll just have to play, but there are many interpretations that can be done on an imperial agent. I had an operative as my first character and when I finish my JK story, I will probably level a new agent, a sniper this time...
Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not yet the end.

Spivak Legacy (ToFN)
SpoeMeister Orrusos Do'chan Nadobo

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silvershadows
12.02.2012 , 01:13 AM | #26
Quote: Originally Posted by SpoeMeister View Post
I had the same idea, to go mainly dark side on my agent. But as the story progresses, I really made a turning point around Voss, causing my reactions to shift more to the light... I don't want to spoil too much, so you'll just have to play, but there are many interpretations that can be done on an imperial agent. I had an operative as my first character and when I finish my JK story, I will probably level a new agent, a sniper this time...
Knowing myself, if i play an IA and go through it as mainly darkside (I will likely pick some light side, depending - even Umbral made some light side decisions when they were in the best interest of the Empire) and feel like I've left too much undone, I'll go through it again the other way around, lol.
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.

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silvershadows
12.05.2012 , 03:58 AM | #27
Progress report -

A quarter of the way already through writing Deepening Shadows, though the title may be changed to In the Shadows: Between the Dark and Light, to be followed by In the Shadows: Eclipse, after I write more BH stories.

Seems like this story might even break my length record by quite a bit, I had forgotten how much I love writing about Jedi Master Isad'ia, and it's proving a nice distraction while I charge myself up for more Of Blood and Honor work.
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.

SpoeMeister's Avatar


SpoeMeister
12.05.2012 , 05:45 AM | #28
Quote: Originally Posted by silvershadows View Post
Progress report -

A quarter of the way already through writing Deepening Shadows, though the title may be changed to In the Shadows: Between the Dark and Light, to be followed by In the Shadows: Eclipse, after I write more BH stories.

Seems like this story might even break my length record by quite a bit, I had forgotten how much I love writing about Jedi Master Isad'ia, and it's proving a nice distraction while I charge myself up for more Of Blood and Honor work.
Don't waste time writing here!! FINISH YOUR NOVEL, then come writing here! hahahaha :-)
Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not yet the end.

Spivak Legacy (ToFN)
SpoeMeister Orrusos Do'chan Nadobo

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silvershadows
12.05.2012 , 08:12 AM | #29
Quote: Originally Posted by SpoeMeister View Post
Don't waste time writing here!! FINISH YOUR NOVEL, then come writing here! hahahaha :-)

Don't worry, I only come here when I've been struck by writer's block
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.

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silvershadows
12.11.2012 , 11:15 AM | #30
A bump to the front page for a couple more days, hoping for a few more comments, but I know it takes a while to read.
Sage - Sentinel - Commando - ScoundrelPowertech - Operative - Marauder - Sorcerer
Highjinks - Flashfire Ace - Saberwing
Cadera Legacy The Ebon Hawk

Check out my series of Mandalorian novels HERE.