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Story of Naram-Süen[sith warrior] Work in progress

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
Story of Naram-Süen[sith warrior] Work in progress

DracoAesir's Avatar


DracoAesir
11.27.2012 , 10:06 AM | #1
Hi tor fans

This is my first ever fan fiction piece, it is my hope you will enjoy it.
mistakes might have been made and i haven't finished it yet this is just what i dotted that last night.
the idea is simple, make a background story for my in-game character from his earlier years.
Constructive criticism is very welcome .

He could not remember the last time his father had gathered so many of his friend and sith lords. They were all gathered in the Ceremonial chamber of their house on Zoist. His father was sitting in the giant throne at the head of the table. His Brother and him standing beside him as tradition decreed.

He didn’t know why they had gathered, or why he had been permitted to be a part of it, usually only his older brother was allowed in these meetings. He studied his brother’s face; he could see the excitement in his shining red eyes and face, he was wearing gold jewelry on his tendrils as well as on his nose and around his eyes. His brother was 18 years of age and had just finished his apprenticeship and was now a sith

Naram-Suen was 14 years old; he did not look quite like his brother and father did, they both had cheek tendrils, light red skin, red eyes and both had 5 clawed digits on each hand and feet.
Naram-Suen had been different since he was born; his eyes were a bright yellow, his skin dark red, he had been born with 4 clawed digits on each hand and feet. As he had grown older his body had continued to develop differently than his brother. When Naram-suen’s teeth grew out they were sharp, he had grown small cranial horns around his 13th birthday, horns that continuously grew at a slow pace. Unlike his father and brother he did not have tendrils instead he had 4 cartilaginous points on his chin that grew harder the older he got.
At his 13th birthday his father had explained to him that these differences that there was between them was a sign of his blood being more pure than his own. He didn’t explain to him how that could be, only that he should be proud of the purity of his blood; for in the times they lived in, the sith species had been weakened. He remembered his father’s words clearly
“My son, we live in a time where the power of the Sith have weakened, I see in you a chance for our species to reclaim our rightful place in the empire, a change to cleanse our blood of its corruption, and to bring about the fall of the republic.
When Naram looked around the room he began to understand what his father had talked about when he had said that the sith bloodline was thinning out, around the table he saw “sith” with almost none of the characteristics of the pureblood except for the red skin. The thought of his people’s purity at risk made his blood boil with anger.

Syart's Avatar


Syart
11.28.2012 , 01:01 PM | #2
An interesting beginning, I hope to see more of Naram-Suen's growing up (great name too by the way)

Just one thing, try and keep paragraphs separated by a full space, it makes it easier to read, like this:

Quote: Originally Posted by DracoAesir View Post
Naram-Suen was 14 years old; he did not look quite like his brother and father did, they both had cheek tendrils, light red skin, red eyes and both had 5 clawed digits on each hand and feet.

Naram-Suen had been different since he was born; his eyes were a bright yellow, his skin dark red, he had been born with 4 clawed digits on each hand and feet. As he had grown older his body had continued to develop differently than his brother. When Naram-suen’s teeth grew out they were sharp, he had grown small cranial horns around his 13th birthday, horns that continuously grew at a slow pace. Unlike his father and brother he did not have tendrils instead he had 4 cartilaginous points on his chin that grew harder the older he got.

At his 13th birthday his father had explained to him that these differences that there was between them was a sign of his blood being more pure than his own. He didn’t explain to him how that could be, only that he should be proud of the purity of his blood; for in the times they lived in, the sith species had been weakened. He remembered his father’s words clearly
“My son, we live in a time where the power of the Sith have weakened, I see in you a chance for our species to reclaim our rightful place in the empire, a change to cleanse our blood of its corruption, and to bring about the fall of the republic.

When Naram looked around the room he began to understand what his father had talked about when he had said that the sith bloodline was thinning out, around the table he saw “sith” with almost none of the characteristics of the pureblood except for the red skin. The thought of his people’s purity at risk made his blood boil with anger.
Control, passion, diligence: these three principles shape your world.

Lord Scourge: To repeat a mistake and expect a beneficial outcome is a sign of insanity.