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Spoiler Warning: Imperial Agent Aggerton Warwiggins

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
Spoiler Warning: Imperial Agent Aggerton Warwiggins

bright_ephemera's Avatar

11.13.2012 , 07:59 PM | #1
Because what this forum needs is even more of my blathering.

Behold the tale of Aggerton Warwiggins, brother to our own Warrior Sevasht Warwiggins. Aggerton is an Imperial Agent, because a Force-blind Sith Pureblood is the sneakiest, easiest-to-blend kind of guy imaginable.

Just imagine I could actually draw this.

A cantina on Hutta. Imperial Agent Aggerton Warwiggins activates a secret channel on the holo. Keeper appears, standing at his usual parade rest.
- frame: Aggerton keeps staring. -
Aggerton: So, uh. You're the boss.
Keeper: Yes. I'm so glad that's the intellect that graduated top of his class during training.
- frame: Keeper looks disapproving and slightly angry. -
Keeper: Get used to this face, by the way. You'll be seeing a lot of it.

Keeper: Your role as secret agent gives you the unique ability to talk in funny voices.
Aggerton: !
Keeper: I expect you not to abuse this.
Aggerton: Utini! pew pew pew Keepuna!
Keeper: Perhaps I should have said, I had a faint desperate hope you would not abuse it.
Aggerton: Roight, yes, guv'ner. This'll be awesome!

- A small dingy room on Hutta. -
Text overlay: A local contact helps coordinate a cover identity...
Jheeg: Agent = Red Blade. Red Blade = notorious pirate.
Aggerton: Okay, great. Where's the blade?
Jheeg: ??
Aggerton: I'm the Red Blade. Shouldn't I have a red blade?
Jheeg: Aggerton = blade. blade =/= blade
Aggerton: …Are you sure? You better be sure.
Jheeg: blade =/= blade
Aggertion: Hmph. Fine.

- A small dingy room on Hutta. –
Jheeg: Red Blade = bribe Nem'ro
Aggerton: Wait a minute. I'm making up a huge disguise so I can bribe Nem'ro to join the Empire? Wouldn't it make more sense for an, um, Imperial, to bribe him to join the Empire?
Jheeg: Empire = sneaky?
Aggerton: Jheeg, ten years ago we punched into the Republic's capital city and set everything on fire. "Sneaky" isn't in the mission statement.
Jheeg: Invasion = failed miserably. Intelligence = sucks less?
Aggerton: All right, all right, I'm going.
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Maylen's Avatar

11.13.2012 , 08:02 PM | #2
LOL. I'm liking where this is going

bright_ephemera's Avatar

11.15.2012 , 09:58 PM | #3

- Nem'ro's throne room. Nem'ro the Hutt looks down at Aggerton and his boxes o' loot. -
Nem'ro: Red Blade. These are my assistants Toth'lazhen and Karrels. They will vaporize you if you misbehave.
Aggerton: Hello to you too?
Nem'ro: Hutt. Deal with it.
Aggerton: Right. So, how about I throw expensive things at you, and in exchange you don't murder me while I'm in town?
- Aggerton points to a hauling droid staggering under the weight of nine or ten bulging bags of credits. -
Nem'ro the Hutt: I like you. You can stay.


- Outside Nem'ro's throne room. -
Text overlay: Aggerton seeks a dupe to sway toward the Empire…
Karrels: So that's Nem'ro. I can help you out with any local questions.
Aggerton: Cool. How do you like your boss?
Karrels: He's all right. I prefer things a little more orderly than he does. Also, to be honest, I kinda prefer working for humans.
Aggerton: I see. Is that actually a target painted on your forehead?
Karrels: Hmm?
Aggerton: Nothing. I'm sure it's just the regular quest marker.
Aggerton: So? Nobody's listening.
- frame: Karrels points at a Rattataki lounging in the corner. In her silver eyes there is only madness. -
Aggerton: You have got to be kidding me.
Karrels: Nope. Good luck with that one.


- A guest room in Nem'ro's palace. Aggerton secures the holo line and calls Keeper. -
Keeper: The surveillance equipment in the bags of lucre is working. Nicely done. Now, in case you're really as thick as I sometimes think you are, I'll point out that Karrels Javis is a good candidate for luring to our side.
Aggerton: I don't know what I would do without you.
- Keeper disapproves. -
Aggerton: Actually I do know, I would bumble through life without quests or interesting plot.
Aggerton: What the hell? We're on a secure line.
Keeper: You realize you're in a spy story, right? Grow some paranoia or go home.


- The guest room on Hutta. Aggerton faces Keeper's holo image. -
Keeper: Now all we need to do is keep Karrels relevant while we're dragging him into our collective pocket. Oh, and by the way, we have a member of the Dark Council taking interest.
Aggerton: What.
Keeper: Darth Jadus is noted for being bat**** insane, and he's watching you. Good luck with that one. Keeper out.


- A hallway in Nem'ro's palace. The Zabrak Dheno Rey approaches Aggerton. -
Dheno: Hey, Blade! It's me, Dheno! You're looking like an easy mark for extortion.
Aggerton: Huh. I bet you say that to all the boys.
Dheno: Only the ones I can easily expose as a fraud, buddy.
Aggerton: I see. That line work for you often?
Dheno: When the mark is hip-deep in soon-to-be-hostile territory, lying through his teeth about who he is, and very, very anxious to stay under cover? Yeah, yeah it does.
Aggerton: You just described everyone on Hutta. But I'm the only one you're trying to rob.
Dheno: Credits and I'll go away.
Aggerton: Look. This is nothing personal, but I just got yelled at by my boss for failing to be sneaky-spy enough. So yadda yadda, you know too much, et cetera…
- frame: Aggerton quick-draws and shoots Dheno Rey. -
- frame: Aggerton, looking down at Dheno's body, holsters his blaster. -
Aggerton: Spy movies are kind of depressing, if you really think about it.

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Vesaniae's Avatar

11.15.2012 , 10:02 PM | #4
Hehe, I like Aggerton already. Bring on the meta!
There's always lightning.

irishfino's Avatar

11.15.2012 , 10:11 PM | #5
Needs moar shooty shooty pew pew.
I'll probably die if you group with me, but I'll go out with both lightsabers drawn stabbing someone in the face. Probably you, but it's cool. Forever Shenanigans!!

ekimmak's Avatar

11.19.2012 , 05:28 PM | #6
I was wondering if this one was going to have lots of meta jokes. Didn't take too long before people started shouting "IT'S A SECRET!" at the top of their lungs.
Best way to end Smuggler Act 1 is

You can't make up stuff like that.

iamthehoyden's Avatar

11.19.2012 , 06:48 PM | #7
Of course the forums need more of your writing!

"Grow some paranoia or go home." Love. It. This whole thing is hilarious. Love. It.
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

bright_ephemera's Avatar

03.24.2013 , 07:13 PM | #8
Whew...a bit of a hiatus there, but here, have some new stuff:

- A small holo room in Nem'ro's palace. Aggerton faces the grim image of Keeper. -
Keeper: I have good news.
Aggerton: It appears to be the kind that doesn't make you smile.
Keeper: I never smile.
Keeper: You have definitely attracted a fan.
Aggerton: But I'm secret. I shouldn't have fans.
Keeper: Yes, that was your first mistake.
Keeper: I have bad news. The fan is Darth Jadus of the Dark Council.
- frame: Keeper does his usual disapproving and slightly angry face at Aggerton. -
- frame -
Keeper: Good luck with that.

- A hallway in Nem'ro's palace. Aggerton approaches Karrels Javis. -
Karrels: Welcome back! Look, I'm in a hurry, I've only got five minutes before I have to meet with some alien freaks.
Aggerton: …
- frame: Aggerton the Sith Pureblood stares. -
Aggerton: Did you really just say that?
Karrels: Whatever. You don't count. So I've been thinking, Blade. The Empire does good business?
Aggerton: Believe me when I say that I get both money and shiny objects from them all the time.
- frame: Karrels Javis looks thoughtful. -
Aggerton: Oh. And while we're on the subject, when galactic war comes the Empire's going to crush everyone in their path. Just keep that in mind, yeah?

- A hallway in Nem'ro's palace. Kaliyo is standing in Aggerton's way. -
Kaliyo: Slow down, Blade. Stay with me awhile – we haven't had the chance to talk.
Aggerton: I haven't wanted the chance to talk, crazy lady.
Kaliyo: I'm a little disappointed you haven't done anything fun in your stay here. You're a well-known pirate. I might enjoy keeping an eye on a bloodthirsty, treacherous pirate.
- frame: Aggerton looks slightly alarmed. -
- frame: Aggerton comes out in favor of smirking suggestively. -
Aggerton: I could enjoy being watched.
Kaliyo: Ooh, could be fun.
- frame: Kaliyo walks away. Aggerton whips out a datapad. -
- frame: Datapad screen. Aggerton touch-typing near the end of the current text line. -

- The private holo room in Nem'ro's palace. Aggerton faces the grim image of Keeper.-
Keeper: I monitored your conversation with Nem'ro's enforcer, Kaliyo. We've identified her as a freelance assassin, enforcer, and anarchist. She's been attached to a dozen employers in half as many years, using several different aliases. She's something of a wild card.
Aggerton: Yeah. That one's trouble.
Keeper: I'm thinking about hiring her.
Aggerton: You're what?
Keeper: Oh, there is more.
- frame -
Keeper: Your next mission is going to be sabotage of Nem'ro's rival, Fa'athra. Get to his mining facility. Destroy everything. The necessary explosives have already been delivered to your room.
Aggerton: Enough explosives to take out an industrial facility.
Keeper: Yes.
Aggerton: In my room.
Keeper: Yes.
Aggerton: Did Intelligence at some point claim that they have anything close to my best interests in mind?
Keeper: No.
Aggerton: Ah. Figures.
Keeper: Good luck. Keeper out.
the Short Fic Weekly Challenge - 100+ authors to date. 2600+ stories. New prompts weekly!
Bright's Fanfic Threads
---(Ceterum autem censeo, Malavai esse delendam.)--- DELETA MALAVAI EST

stormdrakelord's Avatar

03.24.2013 , 11:52 PM | #9
LOL, loving this.
Han Solo: Great, kid. Don't get cocky.

irishfino's Avatar

03.25.2013 , 10:09 AM | #10
I think Keeper wants the Agent to die. He hires Kaliyo and has a ton of explosives delivered to their room.

If that doesn't scream "Die, you bastard" I don't know what does.
I'll probably die if you group with me, but I'll go out with both lightsabers drawn stabbing someone in the face. Probably you, but it's cool. Forever Shenanigans!!