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Those phillistines rejected my perfect plot for SWVIII.

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > STAR WARS Discussion
Those phillistines rejected my perfect plot for SWVIII.

Angedechu's Avatar


Angedechu
11.12.2012 , 09:35 AM | #1
For some dumb reason, like it not being family friendly enough.

Read and judge.

Darth Lascivious is a Sith Lord. She have a philosophy opposed to material wealth, which explains the modesty of her clothing and the fact that her lair looks a bit like a basement with bad lightning.

-Darth Lascivious have a super evil plan to dominate the Galaxy, that somehow involve mostly capturing Jedis one by one and killing them by using evil Sith alchemy and evil Sith techniques and evil Sith sorcery and even more evil Sith positions.
-She have thus captured the old master of the coming-of-age Padawn Richard (or Dick) Moonstabber.
-The movie opens as Richard is captured by the minions of Darth Lascivious-he actually don’t put out much of a fight and don’t protest much, as he plan to engage Darth Lascivious in combat to free his master.
-Cue to the lair of Darth Lascivious, where Lascivious is busy breaking the old Jedi Master, especially working on making him betray his Jedis vows. Richard promptly defy her for a death duel.
As Darth Lascivious have eaten food laced with cortosis, she is immune to lightsaber blades. Richard wil have to engage her using unpowered lightsaber, the Force and a variety of objects of a certain size and shape conveniently lying around the lair. But Richard will mostly use another kind of weapon : as Yoda would have said ‘’To fight against Darth Lascivious, rather large a weapon you will need’’.
-Darth Lascivious, despite her experience with similar weapons, make numerous comments on the fact that she is quite impressed by Richard’s special weapon.
-Lascivious and Richard engage in a very epic battle, with loads of pun (Lascivious mocks repeatedly Master Yoda’s philosophy, especially his quote about the size not mattering) : Richard have to use all his Jedi training and sword fighting techniques fight to cope with Lascivious.
-Suddenly, the old master of Richard break free, and immediately engage Darth Lascivious from the rear, trying to help his student.
-Darth Lascivious is now hammered from both sides, but the Dark Side is so powerful in her that she laugh of those assaults, and crudely mock the old Jedi fighting and sword techniques.
-The old Jedi succumbs to the Dark Side, and try an all-out assault on Lascivious. Alas, all the twisted tortures he was submitted to by Lascivious have taken their toll on him.
-Exhausted, his (life) Force depleted, the old master of Richard collapse. A big NOOOOOO follow.
-As a sort of subplot, traditional Sith treachery plays in the background. The young apprentice of Darth Lascivious turns on her mistress, and engage the minions of Darth Lascivious. Proving genre savvy, the female guards drop their usually inefficient armor (as well as their clothes) and engage the would be Darth, in a very close all out melee.
Cue to several hours of creative uses of fan-favored weapons (such as a lanvarok)

SNCommand's Avatar


SNCommand
11.12.2012 , 09:43 AM | #2
What did I just read? I think someone uses to much time writing and reading fan fiction
Quote: Originally Posted by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
Personally I would slap Georges hands away from the editing desk, give him a colouring book and then remake the entire prequel trilogy so that Darth Vader uses the force to win breakdance competitions and chokes to death anyone who utters the word midichlorians.

Angedechu's Avatar


Angedechu
11.12.2012 , 09:46 AM | #3
I was being sarcastic. This is a joke post.

murshawursha's Avatar


murshawursha
11.12.2012 , 10:59 AM | #4
I'd watch that.

Andge's Avatar


Andge
11.12.2012 , 11:23 AM | #5
Makes a much sense as your average SW plot. I mean, in KOTOR II Darth Nihilus "epic" plan was to hunt down and kill every living Jedi one by one. How elaborate...

Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
11.12.2012 , 11:25 AM | #6
Quote: Originally Posted by Andge View Post
Makes a much sense as your average SW plot. I mean, in KOTOR II Darth Nihilus "epic" plan was to hunt down and kill every living Jedi one by one. How elaborate...
Correction. Darth Nihilus didn't care about the Jedi that much. They were food to sate his never-ending hunger. Sion wanted to kill all Jedi.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus

Angedechu's Avatar


Angedechu
11.12.2012 , 12:55 PM | #7
You did get the joke ?

BlznSmri's Avatar


BlznSmri
11.12.2012 , 12:59 PM | #8
You had me at Richard "Dick" Moonstabber.
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SNCommand's Avatar


SNCommand
11.12.2012 , 01:12 PM | #9
Quote: Originally Posted by BlznSmri View Post
You had me at Richard "Dick" Moonstabber.
I would have gone with Lars Galaxyslapper
Quote: Originally Posted by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
Personally I would slap Georges hands away from the editing desk, give him a colouring book and then remake the entire prequel trilogy so that Darth Vader uses the force to win breakdance competitions and chokes to death anyone who utters the word midichlorians.

Angedechu's Avatar


Angedechu
11.12.2012 , 03:05 PM | #10
Plus, this was the kind of movie were the climax would make sense.