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Yours to Hold

EverSteam's Avatar

10.18.2012 , 01:30 AM | #11
Quote: Originally Posted by milanigrey View Post
*hands torian a fluffy pillow* hug the pillow torian. Hug the pillow.

EverSteam's Avatar

10.21.2012 , 09:08 PM | #12
Correlation with post 93 of When I Wake.

On the Tyrant...

I open my mouth to ask what we're doing when she pulls me into the small walk way used by astromech droids. Thought she might still want to blow up this ship. So I'm confused when she quickly takes my helmet off. Didn't really have anything to say at this. So she didn't need to put her finger to my lips. Would of just stood gaping for a while till I knew what was happening.

'Don't talk. I need to assess the damage.' Her voice is cold and angry. I know better than to speak. Know better than to disobey her. She quickly glances at my neck. Trying not to think about it. Hurting more than a little. Kind of feels his hands are still there and they are scorching.

'I'm going to touch your neck in different places and I want you to make a noise, not a word when it hurts. Ok?' I nod once. I try to look at her face but it means looking down. She's quick to flick my head back up. So I stand still.

Wasn't comfortable with her hands at my neck at first. Just reminds of those nights and days. Sometimes she presses against an area and it hurts. I 'make a noise'. But eventually, I enjoy her hands touching my neck. They're cold, like always. They're like running cool water on a burn.

'Say something.'

Her voice takes me out of my thoughts. She sounds angry. More than a little angry. But her hands are gentle. Wonder what she's angry about. I try and think of something to say. Always awkward when a person says to deliberately think of something to say. All I can think about is wanting to hold her closer.

'I love you.'

Know that won't do. Guess I should just go for some bravado. 'I'm fine.'

She snorts at my reply. Think she knows it's not fine. I'm a little sad when she takes her hands away and moves as far away as she can, squatting down to take out some supplies from a case on her back. But she's quick to stand up again. She starts treating my neck, but I don't really feel it. Thinking too much of how close we are. Her forehead just in front of my lips. Would be so easy to kiss it. My heart starts beating faster and I hope she doesn't notice. Don't think she does. She just continues, face blank but I can feel her fuming.

She breaks away again and starts to mix and pack some things. She throws me a container I catch on reflex. Should take it twice a day to 'avoid swelling etc'. Never gave me this in those days. Suppose she was busy thinking of other things. Don't think she likes the reminder of those days. Don't know how to categorize them. But strangely, they make me more than a little happy. They bought me closer to her. And I think that made it all worth it.

'Thanks, cyare.'

After I say them, I remember why I wasn't talking. Takes a lot of effort not to flinch as she stands against me, her fist wrist deep in a dent in the ship. Don't like how close it was to being my neck. Know she wasn't aiming for me though. Seen enough dents like that in our ship to know it's her way of letting out some steam. Guess it's better than shooting someone.

Her lips are hardly two inches from mine. My backs against the wall and I can't move. So I stand still. And silent.

'Don't thank me for this.' Her voice is low and the angriest I've ever heard it. Guess I still don't know her as well as I think. Seems like you only see what's on the surface, and then that is taken away and you think you see her. But then more and more layers appear, and you take more and more away, and now I'm lost and don't know how many could be left. Feel I'm almost there. 'There is nothing to thank me for! My fault he did that. Should have predicted this happening. Wasn't thinking. Once this is over, I'm going to kill that f*****g bastard. Understand?'

Ah, I see.

For the first time since Nar Shaddaa, I feel hope. Like I have a chance. I open and close my mouth as she glares at me. Think I like her being this defensive of me. I know I like her loving me. I lean forward a little by little. I want nothing more than to kiss her. But when there's only a small gap between us, I pull back. Don't want this to go like this. I know this is for the best. But it still hurts. So I only nod.

'Good.' She goes back to her bag and starts to pack everything away. And my conviction shakes. Not sure I did make the right choice.

I crouch down next to her and take her clenched fist. 'But my point still stands.' I look into her eyes and I'm happy to know there's something past the anger. That will be enough, for now. Know if someone hurt her I'd want to kill them. She looks away as if she knows it shows. So I stand and take a step back. 'Thank you, cyare.'

She just shakes her head and doesn't bother to argue. As we walk back to the ship unchallenged, I notice she is a little dejected, walking a little slower and a little far away. And that distance only increases when we turn the corner to the hanger and Mako runs towards us. Cyare just walks a head and leaves me to bear Mako's questions alone. Want nothing more than to run after her and take her hand.

Cyare doesn't eat dinner with us and neither does Gault. So I'm quick to leave. Only I don't have a room to go to. Never bothered me before. Didn't need one. But now I need to think. So I spend a long time in the shower. Cyare stays in her room and every now and again, I hear a dull thud or crash. That night, I spend a lot of time wondering why I didn't kiss her when I had wanted to do nothing more.

What's stopping you?



Adwynyth's Avatar

10.21.2012 , 09:53 PM | #13
If it's not your best, it's pretty damned good.
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

Magdalane's Avatar

10.21.2012 , 09:54 PM | #14
I agree.
Love is the strongest magic of them all.

MilaniGrey's Avatar

10.21.2012 , 10:56 PM | #15
Torian... /swoon
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox

EverSteam's Avatar

10.22.2012 , 09:04 PM | #16
Correlating to post 98 of When I Wake.
Hope you enjoy.



She still surprises me.

Didn't know she knew so much about biochem or botany. Didn't think she was one to care for plants. Especially flowers. Seems a little out of place with the rest of her. A little too sweet and innocent for her. But I like it. I like her surprising me like this.

Weird to walk with her like this. Guess that's mainly because there's nothing attacking us. Heard rumours of Belsavis. Mainly about the prison. But some on the creatures here. Excited to see them. And fight them. Don't think it gets much better than fighting on a new planet with Cyare.

She wanders off and stands still. I watch her blank face as she stares at one of the blue flowers. She looks a little sad and longing. She's so beautiful. Her skin looks cold and glowing like the snow she stands in. I just stand, smiling and alone, struck by incredibly beautiful she is.

My dreams come back to me. Trying to forget them. Find it hard whenever I look at her to imagine her being defeated. She's too strong for that. And I'd do anything to stop it from happening. Can't imagine a future without her. Doesn't mean I can always see her with me in the way I want. Just means I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't there at all. Guess I haven't done anything because I'm scared if I do, she'll reject me and leave me somewhere. Or shoot me. Rather be dead though than know she won't have me.

I walk over and pick up the flower, and look at it closely. Never seen it before. Suppose it is pretty. Nothing compared to her. I take a few hesitating steps forward. She doesn't back away, only watches me a little blankly. And a little warily. Want to make her smile. And tell her how much I love her.

I stand as close as I think I can get away with and raise my hand to put the flower behind her ear, like how she had the purple one on Taris. But she flinches away on reflex. Guess she still has a few reflexes from back then. Thought they might have gone away. Guess I was a little ahead of myself. I keep smiling but her reaction still hurt. She doesn't look at me and seems dejected. She doesn't step back or walk away. So I take that as permission and a 'I'm sorry.'

I slowly put it behind her ear, my hand still hovering near her face. I want to feel her hair in my hands as I kiss her. I want to tell her how beautiful she is. How much care for her. She slowly raises a hand to touch it as if not knowing what it is. She quickly looks at me; smile, raised hand and all. Her mouth opens and closes a little. I like it a lot. Good to know I can make her as speechless as she makes me.

Her eye wander to my neck. Still red and purple but getting a little better. Her expression becomes dark and angry again before she walks away, leaving me standing with a hand still reaching out to her. I shake my head and run to her. Refuse to let her walk away from me this time.

When I reach her, I take her cold hand in mine and match my stride to hers. She doesn't pull away and doesn't mind me moving closer. I can't stop smiling a little. But I can't look at her.

And I don't want to ever let her walk on alone again.

Please comment.
I know, Torian is getting pretty darn sweet. I'd stop it but I like it too much XD

MilaniGrey's Avatar

10.22.2012 , 09:14 PM | #17
I think it fits his character perfectly. I absolutely love it.
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox

Adwynyth's Avatar

10.23.2012 , 12:27 AM | #18

Okay, I"m better now.
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

EverSteam's Avatar

10.23.2012 , 09:53 PM | #19
Quote: Originally Posted by Adwynyth View Post

Okay, I"m better now.
Lol, not sure even that would help those two. They're a little slow

Quote: Originally Posted by MilaniGrey View Post
I think it fits his character perfectly. I absolutely love it.

Later that night...

'What are you working on? Know what time it is, right?'

Too shocked by the sight of her to reply. Forget for a moment what I'm working on and lost track of time a while ago. I just stare at her. Thought she was hot in that dress back on Nar Shaddaa. Nothing compared to the shirt she's wearing. Guess it's the same as the one she's always worn. Just wasn't looking at her like that then. Wouldn't of been right to. Wasn't why I went to her room.

So leaning over the rail looking down at me in the dirty old shirt, she looks so amazingly hot. And I forget how to do anything; breathe, blink, my heart just stops and mind is wiped clean. Can only stare at her.

The torch splutters and it takes me back to now. I switch it off and she walks down. Unbelievable the way she walks so assured, ready for anything and a with confidence that nothing can hurt her even in an old shirt. That she can carry the world and it would be nothing. She sits on the large tool box across from me and stares at me. Panic for a second, thinking my thoughts had showed.

'New mod for your blaster. Was going to surprise you.' Don't think about the words and it seems like I'm listening to someone else. Hate how she does this to me. Way she makes me feel like a child because my mind empties and I can't speak. Way she makes me feel like I've never seen a woman before. Just never seen a woman as beautiful as her.

Only her shifting shows her how uncomfortable she is. The way her hands move to her arms and back as her face still expresses the same challenge and amusement to the world. But as she shifts again, I realise my mask is still down. Shake my head and raise it. Had forgotten I was wearing it. Without the mask tinting my view, she's even my breath taking. Before I force my eyes to move to above her head, I notice her staring at my chest. My turn to shift uncomfortably. Don't need to look to know she's smirking. She seems to never miss anything.

'Didn't know you could craft. What else can you do?'

My lips twitch a little. Know she meant crafting. But when she's dressed like that, can't help but think of other things. 'Mods, enhancements, anything small and needing fine details. Not as good at larger armour. Competent, but barely.' Speak without thinking. Slower than usual to gather my thoughts.

She nods and I can tell she is calculating the usefulness of this and storing the information away. Forget sometimes we're just assets to help her achieve a few goals. The more things we do, the more likely it is we won't get kicked out or left for dead. She never says it. But I know it's true. Explains why Gault is here, why Mako hasn't been shot and why Blizz is on board at all. Think part of the last might of been for me. Didn't hide the fact I liked the Jawa. Still do. Just wish he spent less time with Mako.

'Got anything else you've made around? Would like to see.' I smile a little and nod. Knew she'd want to assess the extent of the skill. Factor it in to her calculations. Makes me a little sad she reverts to this. Was hoping I was becoming more than a set of skills to be used. More than a 'stupid Mando punk'. Can still feel her slender cold fingers in mine. Her smiles she gives me and no one else. Hope it's not in my head. As I go over to my bed and pick up a few things, I stop thinking such worthless things. Doesn't matter why I'm here, only that I am. And that I stay here.

I pull on a shirt before going back over, and pick up some rum and glasses as well as the crate. Idly think we all drink too much. Especially Gault and Cyare. Never seems to effect her. Seen her drink three bottles and not slur a word. Think half our money is spent on keeping up the supply of alcohol. Don't mind. Don't know what we'd do if it wasn't drinking.

I put them on the crate next to her and walk back. Take the blanket off my bed and put in on the shoulders. Can go back to normal now. Can start actually thinking again. Don't think she knows how distractingly gorgeous she is. Way the shirt is tight around her chest and hangs on hips. Only thing she doesn't know she's great at. Don't find her arrogance grinding like I did like on others. Guess hers is more founded. And it drives me to work harder. Want the day to come when my count is higher than hers or I finally get a hit in practice. Want to be her equal. And want to be able to protect her. Don't want to be a burden or nuisance.

I sit down across from her and take out mods, enhancements and barrels. She sees it isn't empty before I move away. She picks it up and starts to take things out, looking at each carefully. I open mouth to tell her they're nothing special, just something to pass the time. But I don't. It's too late and I could never deny her.

Stare at her closely when she pulls out the flower. Wait for her to show recognition. Think she might realise how I feel. But if she does, she doesn't comment. I look away when she glances at me. Wasn't how I wanted any of this to go.

'They're good. Pretty impressive, Torian.' Her voice is a little indifferent. I still feel proud. Do anything to impress her. She slowly packs them away and moves on to asking other questions, pouring more rum every now and again. Glad she didn't ask questions about them. Wonder if she knew I didn't want her too.

'Show me how to make them one day?' I like her taking an interest in this. Way she becomes so alive and animated. Like how she wants to know everything and quickly sets out to learn what she doesn't. And I like teaching her.

'Can now, if you like.' Feel a little nervous. Know I'm only offering to show how to craft. Really offer because I don't want to miss her; don't want to her to go up stairs when I can't follow. Want her stay with me.

Since seeing Tormen, dreams seem to be back. Don't know what to do. Doesn't feel right to go and hold her hand like I did then. Want nothing more than to do that, though. So I lie awake, trying to stop my own nightmares and feeling relieved to just know that she is alive.

She nods and I hand her a mask, gesturing for her to come over. She sits next to me hesitantly. I shake my head. She won't be able to see properly from there. Tell myself it's the only reason I move her to my lap. Like how she fits their perfectly. Move my arms around and concentrate on what I'm doing, giving a run down on what things are and how to achieve different things through different techniques. She sits quietly, listening and taking it in. I can imagine her storing the information away neatly.

Too soon, Mako appears. Starting to get tired of her. Her constant flirting, way she hangs around and complains. Remember the conversation I overheard between her and Cyare after I came aboard. 'Stupid Mando punk,' huh? Don't know when she stopped thinking of me like that. Guess it was a gradual thing. Felt a little hurt at it. And angry. Still went killing with her. Not sure things have changed sometimes though. Still seems so long ago. Guess it's those words that hold me back.

Mako stops and looks at us suspiciously. 'What are you two doing? It's dawn already.' Become aware again of Cyare's body on mine. Takes a lot of effort to control a response. When Mako's eyes close into a glare, I want to wrap my arms around her and protect her.

When we don't respond she shrugs quickly in irritation. 'Whatever. I'm going to make some breakfast. Want any?' She looks pointedly at me. Feel angry at the way she ignores Cyare. I only turn off the torch and shake my head. Easy choice between the two: breakfast with a Jawa and her, or sitting with my Mandalorian Cyare. Cyare wins every time.

Mako walks away with Blizz, and I sigh. Gonna have to tell her I'm not interested soon. Thought she'd take a hint. She seems oblivious as Cyare to how I feel. She slides off my lap and I carry on packing up as if I don't feel sad at her leaving. She heads for the shower.

I frown at the crate with the flower. Take it out from the bottom and hold it for a moment. Decide what I'm going to do in that instant. Been waiting too long.

I move to my corner and pick up a spare piece of cloth. Find some paper lying around and quickly write the second thing that comes to mind. Mako wanders back in as I finish the short note. She looks at me suspiciously and stares at the flower.

'What's that?'

I glance up at her and put the note and flower in the silk. 'Something for her.' I practically run to her room and stop in the door way. Can't believe this is her room. Not the same as I remember. Desks still in the corner near the door. Cupboard above it has a lock and chain on it. Can guess what's in there. Remember the broken viles from before and guess that's where her serum is. Don't get the lock part though.

Everything else is moved too. Beds an island in the middle of the room. Moved away from the wall and the small tables on either side are now in a corner of the room. There's another case in the far left corner, three padlocks around it. Don't know what's in there. Not sure I want to. Wonder what she's been doing in here.

Guess it's worse than I thought. Her beds unmade but I don't think that's because of something deeper. Small things like that show she didn't grow up as a Mandalorian. Makes the droid keep the ship clean, but it still has piles of disarray. Still meets most of the code of Mando life. Just needs more personal discipline. Shows the rest of us more discipline than a Mando Commander.

I move to her bed and begin to make it. When I'm done, I put the present on the corner of her bed and leave. Go down and change into armour, pick up some sort of food and pace around the ship. Not sure what happens now.

Just know I keep these feeling poorly hidden from sight any longer.


And there you go.
Little different from the others... hope everyone still like it

MilaniGrey's Avatar

10.23.2012 , 11:05 PM | #20
Little different from the others... hope everyone still like it
Well of course I like it! It's Torian!
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox