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The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community Content > Fan Fiction
The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

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bright_ephemera
07.29.2012 , 08:21 PM | #121
For iamthehoyden and Crezelle, who both wanted to see field trips!

On MONDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and KHEM VAL.


T7-01: Today = field trip // Llordian History Museum = many shiny objects
KHEM VAL: The battlefields of Llord were relatively disappointing. Very few Jedi to eat. I still earned a plaque in the history museum, though.
T7-01: Khem Val = got historical plaque?
KHEM VAL: I ate those few Jedi rather memorably, it seems.
BABY JAESA: I think I was happier not knowing that. Unless itís actually kind of awesome. Ugh, I donít know.
T7-01 and KHEM VAL shepherd the children into the hallways of the Llordian History Museum.
BABY JAESA, looking around: You were right about the shiny objects.
BABY VETTE: Yeah. This must be worth a fortune.
BABY JAESA: Thatís either admirably or disgustingly mercenary. Iím not sure.
BABY YUUN: Their acquisitions team is very good. This is an enviable assortment.
BABY TALOS: But this is astonishing! Look at the selection of rhodite totem artifacts over there! And they appear to have a whole display on the introduction of the Tyvian writing system toÖBABY TALOS toddles toward the nearest display case, chattering excitedly the whole way.
KHEM VAL wanders along a display of roughly millennium-old artifacts.
KHEM VAL: Ah, pendants of Daveran electrum alloy. I am allergic to it.
BABY VETTE: Wait, really?
KHEM VAL: Yes. That was a very unpleasant day, after I ate the Jedi who was wearing such alloy ornaments. And then others figured out what was going on and started equipping it themselves and, well, the next few battles were all hives and puking.
BABY VETTE: How did you get past that?
KHEM VAL: I made the smug fools who were wearing the stuff beg for death before I cut them to pieces. Turns out exposure to my blade doesnít trigger the allergies.
BABY VETTE: Um.
KHEM VAL: Eventually the Jedi stopped trying to wear it.
BABY VETTE, backing away: ThatísÖgreat.
KHEM VAL: I donít know what you were expecting out of this line of inquiry.
KHEM VAL continues to browse.
T7-01: Exhibits = nice // shiny objects = everywhere // children = delighted
KHEM VAL: Wait. This is off.
T7-01: Exhibit = flawed?
KHEM VAL: Yes. The date on that dagger is all wrong. Circa seven hundred years? Itís a full thousand years old. I had one just like that embedded in my shoulder for the longest time.
T7-01: Dagger = sounds uncomfortable
KHEM VAL: And this? A canteen? It was a bomb casing, you imbeciles. Were you even paying attention?
T7-01: Battle = long ago // Exhibit designers = not born yet
KHEM VAL: Iím going to have a word with the staff before I leave. And possibly a minor bloodbath.
T7-01: Bloodbath = bad // Forced Companions = not invited back
KHEM VAL: Maybe the museum shouldíve thought of that before screwing up their exhibit.
Not far away, BABY VETTE holds a luminous jademarine figurine aloft.
BABY VETTE: Would you get a load of this.
BABY TALOS: That belongs in a museum!
BABY VETTE: Itís in a museum, Talos. Weíre standing in a museum.
BABY TALOS: Itís not going to be by the time youíre through with it.
BABY VETTE: Youíre a very cynical person.
BABY YUUN stops by a little wall plaque on how acquisitions work.
BABY YUUN: It might be nice to get a job for such a museum. I could locate many items of interest.
BABY JAESA: That could be cool, I guess.
BABY YUUN: Recovering the remnants of our past could be a valuable endeavor. Talos would certainly say so.
BABY JAESA: But Talos is a pathetic fool. Or an adorable and lovable nerd. I canít decide.
BABY YUUN is silent for a minute or more.
BABY JAESA: Did I say something wrong?
BABY YUUN: No. I was just wondering whether itís possible to find you a clue, because you donít appear to have one.
KHEM VAL: It is time to leave. Children, gather round.
T7-01: Talos = missing // Talos = probably drooling on an urn somewhere
KHEM VAL: Yuun. If you would be so kind?
BABY YUUN: It is my honor.
BABY YUUN toddles down the halls until he finds a cordoned-off dark hallway. He proceeds in. There is silence for a long moment, then the sounds of a brief struggle, and an outraged squeak. BABY YUUN comes back out dragging BABY TALOS, who is in turn dragging a stone tablet covered in strange writing.
KHEM VAL: Surrender the tablet, Talos.
BABY TALOS: I wasnít finished taking a rubbing!
BABY TALOS waves a sheet of paper and a thick crayon.
T7-01: Talos = finish rubbing // Talos = go home after
BABY TALOS, working: Do we have to go?
KHEM VAL: Yes.
BABY TALOS: Can I just stay here?
KHEM VAL: No.
BABY TALOS: Pleeeeease?
KHEM VAL grabs BABY TALOS by the scruff of the neck, tucks him under his arm, and heads out.
KHEM VAL: Do not cry. You may examine the inscriptions on my pocketwatch when we get back.
BABY TALOS, sniffling and clutching his inscription paper and crayon: Okay.
T7-01: Yuun = check Vette for stolen objects
BABY YUUN instantly points at Vetteís left pocket.
BABY YUUN: Not even difficult.
BABY VETTE: I really need to stop going around with you and Talos.


Note on Khem Valís abilities:
Spoiler
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bright_ephemera
07.29.2012 , 08:28 PM | #122
On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.


KHEM VAL: Talos.
LORD SCOURGE: Guss.
KHEM VAL. Oh, wow, yeah. UmÖJaesa.
LORD SCOURGE: What? She can fight.
KHEM VAL: Only after she decides to, which is usually ninety per cent of the way through the battle.
LORD SCOURGE: All right, then. Vette
KHEM VAL: Sheíll surprise you. Sheís fierce.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Whatcha doing?
LORD SCOURGE: Debating who would die first in a grand melee.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Bit morbid, donít you think?
KHEM VAL: Ö
LORD SCOURGE: ÖIs that a bad thing?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Fair point. We talking blasters or no blasters?
LORD SCOURGE: This is our debate.
KHEM VAL: Blasters would be interesting.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: I would allow blasters.
LORD SCOURGE: Thatís because you know you, Corso, and the Republic army are the only trained gunmen at daycare.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Well, yeah. And Iím betterín the army for sure.
LORD SCOURGE: Bah. No weapons. And that means the Force users would win, and by the Force users I mean Xalek because heís the only one who knows what heís doing.
KHEM VAL: I dunno. Kiraís not half bad, and Asharaís a biter.
LORD SCOURGE: On biting, Jorgan wins. On the Force, Xalek or Kira wins. Asharaís out.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: How about improvised weapons? Where would this battle be? What kind of materials available?
KHEM VAL: Youíre awfully interested in this hypothetical.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: So are you.
KHEM VAL: Well, I would enjoy watching such a battle.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: And I would enjoy surviving such a battle. Ergo, Iím interested in thinking about it.
LORD SCOURGE: I will warn you, Andronikos, if I find a blaster hidden in your cubbyhole, there will be consequences.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Huh. Youíre pretty smart, you know that, Mister Lord Scourge?
LORD SCOURGE: Just Lord Scourge. I donít need the mister. I told you that.
KHEM VAL: Run along, Andronikos. This is our discussion. You want details on the other childrenís strengths and weaknesses, you can figure it out yourself.
BABY ANDRONIKOS hurries over to the toybox.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: Hey, Forex, can I grab some of your chassis?
M1-4X: What for?
BABY ANDRONIKOS: I have this crazy suspicion I might need an escape vehicle before too long. Can I get your turrets, too? Mister Teeseven can fix you up with replacement parts tomorrow. Oh, Iíll need a couple of servos. And paintÖif Iím actually fleeing a death arena Iíll want racing stripes.
M1-4X: But what exactly are you planning to flee from?
BABY ANDRONIKOS, beginning to dismantle M1-4Xís chassis: Nothing. Donít breathe a word of this project. If you squeal I will shoot you.
LORD SCOURGE: I heard that.
BABY ANDRONIKOS: With harmless toy dart guns. I will shoot you with harmless toy dart guns. Then, muttering: Because until Iíve got working engines, Iím gonna behave myself.
BABY ANDRONIKOS works.
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Vesaniae
07.29.2012 , 08:47 PM | #123
Eeeeee, I love the field trip! So cute! Jaesa's indecisiveness never fails to amuse me. Khem's commentary on the exhibits was priceless.
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Canino
07.30.2012 , 07:30 AM | #124
These are great! I loved the field trip and snow day! Poor Khem Val, probably freezing his *** off in the snow! Oh well. I love Doc and Akaavi too! This is pure gold!
STATEMENT: I'm just a simple assassin...I mean bodyguard, master. You have nothing to fear.
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bright_ephemera
07.30.2012 , 08:20 PM | #125
For epicfear, I have professional psychological commentary! (Warning: I am not a qualified psychologist, nor do I play one on TV.)

On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.


T7-01 escorts a small man in an outsize white lab coat in.
T7-01: Doctor Psych = guest // Doctor Psych = observe class today // children = play as normal
BABY VETTE: Because Iím not getting ominous vibes from this or anything.
SCORPIO: Doctor. You have been invited to observe the childrenís behavior and watch for warning signs of possible emotional difficulties.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Thatís right, Miss SCORPIO.
SCORPIO: Watch them closely. Describe to me their weaknesses. I will see whether your observations are consistent with my own.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Um.
T7-01: SCORPIO = well-intentioned // weaknesses = useful in some positive way
BABY KALIYO: Hey, Jaesa! Wanna learn how to play Huttball?
BABY JAESA: UmmÖokay!
BABY KALIYO hands BABY JAESA a small huttball and flips a tiny switch on it. Then she starts explaining the rules.
BABY KALIYO: Me aní Skadge aní Andronikos are going to be on one team, and you aní Pierce aní Broonmark are going to be on the other. What you need to do is run this ball, right here, over to your goal line, over by the kitchen.
BABY JAESA: That seems pretty simple.
BABY KALIYO: And my team tries to stop you by any means necessary.
BABY JAESA: That sounds kind of scary.
BABY KALIYO: Nah, itís easy. Come on, Skadge and Andronikos will give you a nice slow chase to start.
BABY KALIYO beckons BABY SKADGE and BABY ANDRONIKOS to start toward BABY JAESA.
BABY KALIYO: Now run.
BABY JAESA, struggling: I canít.
BABY KALIYO: Did I not mention that? It slows you down a little. Iím sure youíll get the hang of it. But, on the plus side, you wonít have to worry for long at all!
BABY JAESA: Whyís-
The HUTTBALL detonates, sending BABY JAESA flying back past the halfway line.
BABY KALIYO: Thereís a timer on it, too. You shouldíve passed it to your teammates.
BABY JAESA, lying flat on her back: I didnít see any teammates.
BABY KALIYO: Yeah. Ainít them the breaks.
BABY JAESA: You are so mean sometimes, you know that?
BABY KALIYO: Yeeeah. Isnít it hilarious?
BABY JAESA: ÖMean is funny?
BABY KALIYO: Definitely.
BABY JAESA turns her head to look at the smoking crater left by the HUTTBALL.
BABY JAESA, a little hysterically: Mean is funny. Ha. Ha ha. Ha! Iím not really sure about this.
SCORPIO: Your thoughts, doctor?
DOCTOR PSYCH: Is Jaesa always thisÖimpressionable?
SCORPIO: Yes.
DOCTOR PSYCH: That canít end well. I think sheís lacking a strong parental figure.
SCORPIO: You donít say.
DOCTOR PSYCH: As for Kaliyo, Iím smelling sociopath.
BABY KALIYO has joined BABIES SKADGE, ANDRONIKOS, JAESA, and PIERCE in a furious wrestling match. Itís hard to tell whether this is related to the previously announced HUTTBALL match.
SCORPIO: Most of our children care neither for social norms nor for the suffering of others. We do have a number of outright sociopaths of varying degrees of social functioning. Kaliyo and Pierce are quite charming. Andronikos gets by. Skadge is not well loved, though he is amusing to watch. We do have one even more coldly inhuman and generally hated child, but Quinn can adhere to social conventions when it suits his purposes and is too incompetent to do any damage anyway, so we donít worry about him.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Miss SCORPIO, can you remind me where you got your credentials?
SCORPIO: What do you mean?
DOCTOR PSYCH: Did you ever actually oversee children in any supervised capacity before coming to work here?
SCORPIO: I experimented on the children of the dangerously violent prisoners in my ward of the prison I oversaw.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Ö
SCORPIO: Do not be concerned. I believe many of them are still alive. Why, would you look over there. Tanno Vik blew up the coat rack again. He regularly tries to smuggle in explosives and sell them to the other children, isnít that interesting? Would you be so kind as to go assist him with putting things back together?
DOCTOR PSYCH: Wait, that kind of explosion is normal?
SCORPIO: Yes. Run along, now.
DOCTOR PSYCH returns a couple of minutes later.
DOCTOR PSYCH: There was a Mon Calamari hiding among the coats.
SCORPIO: Yes, that has been Gussís favored cowering spot lately.
DOCTOR PSYCH: He seems terrified of everything. In fact, Iím not sure whether to diagnose him with every anxiety disorder I know, or just name a new one after him.
SCORPIO: That fear serves him well here. He would be quickly destroyed if he stood to fight.
DOCTOR PSYCH: I think he would benefit from not being regularly beaten, bitten, electrocuted, set on fire, blown up, and exposed to what sounded like the most terrifying story times anybody has ever had.
SCORPIO: Khem Val does give some memorable autobiographical accounts. I think the ones about Force users especially upset Guss.
BABY SKADGE has dragged BABY VETTE into the melee in the middle of the room. He seems pretty pleased with himself as he punches her and the other children.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Did you say you had somebody worse than that guy?
SCORPIO: Yes.
SCORPIO points to BABY QUINN, who is sitting with BABY TEMPLE in the corner, carefully assembling a star destroyer.
DOCTOR PSYCH: I thought you said nobody liked him.
SCORPIO: Temple will play with him. Sheís the only one.
DOCTOR PSYCH: But you said heís a psychopath. Is it safe to let her near?
SCORPIO: She is as soulless a fanatic as he is. She just hides it better. Donít worry, they deserve each other.
DOCTOR PSYCH: You would call them soulless.
SCORPIO: Yes.
DOCTOR PSYCH: You, SCORPIO, have a concept of soullessness that somebody has qualified for.
SCORPIO: Oh, yes.
DOCTOR PSYCH: I think an intervention is in order for both of them.
SCORPIO: I told you, Quinn is too incompetent to hurt anything. I wish to leave him and Temple on the loose. I wish to see what they will do.
T7-01, wheeling up to SCORPIO and DOCTOR PSYCH: Children = all okay?
SCORPIO: Yes.
DOCTOR PSYCH: No! These kids are a mountain of traumatized!
SCORPIO: They still have all their limbs. I donít see why we should be expected to offer consideration beyond this.
T7-01: T7 = help children somehow?
DOCTOR PSYCH: For one thing, try to dial down the explosions. Itís upsetting Guss and whoever is quaking beneath the naptime mats in the corner.
SCORPIO: That would be Talos.
DOCTOR PSYCH: For another, get Jaesa away from the ultraviolents. If she snaps, sheíll snap hard.
T7-01: Jaesa = safe // mostly // children = have to follow rules
DOCTOR PSYCH: Also, Iíll have to recommend that you fire the deathbot.
T7-01: M1-4X = toy // T7 = canít fire him
DOCTOR PSYCH: I meant SCORPIO.
T7-01: Personal attacks = uncalled for // Doctor Psych = leave
SCORPIO: Itís been a pleasure, doctor. Thank you for confirming the vulnerabilities Iíve listed on file.
DOCTOR PSYCH: Iím reporting you! Iím reporting you both!
SCORPIO: In thirty secondsí time I can destroy your finances, repossess your house, and distribute enough selectively chosen information to convince your wife to leave you and your professional board to revoke your license. Also I can tell all your friends you like that Ugnaught pop band youíve been downloading so much of.
DOCTOR PSYCH: You wouldnít.
SCORPIO: You may leave now, Doctor. Iím certain thereís no need for unpleasantness.


I need a Peanuts-style ďKaliyo holds the Huttball to let Jaesa line up for the kick, then yanks it out of the wayÖand lets it blow up in her face instead of on her foot.Ē
the Short Fic Weekly Challenge - 70+ authors to date. 1900+ stories. New prompts weekly!
Bright's Fanfic Threads
Forever Shenanigans!
Ceterum autem censeo, Malavai esse delendam.

epicfear's Avatar


epicfear
07.30.2012 , 08:27 PM | #126
Somehow... I expected that to be worse.

It could have been khem instead of T7.

It is saying something that quinn qualifies as soulless by scorpio's standards, though. and it really, really sucks to be jaesa.

Very, very funny. i liked it.
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imperialmerc
07.30.2012 , 09:09 PM | #127
For the first time ever I felt bad for Jaesa. Kaliyo is so mean!
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epicfear's Avatar


epicfear
07.30.2012 , 09:30 PM | #128
Kaliyo is always mean. its what she does.

jaesa, guss, and maybe vette are the only ones who aren't evil jerks.
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imperialmerc
07.30.2012 , 10:08 PM | #129
What about cute little Jorgan? He's a kitten lol.
Lagro level 55 Mercenary Sezzid level 55 Vanguard
Cezzid level 55 Operative Tuckeer level 30 Gunslinger
Snefru level 55 Sith Juggernaut Kell'ia level 23 Jedi Sage
Liadra level 14 Sith Assassin You're going down

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Adwynyth
07.30.2012 , 11:56 PM | #130
I'm sensing an impending "snap" by Jaesa that will make Kaliyo and SCORPIO look like amateurs.