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The Bioware and the dead server sketch

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > General Discussion
The Bioware and the dead server sketch

Lurchy's Avatar


Lurchy
05.31.2012 , 05:14 AM | #1
Obviously what follows is blatant plagiarism from Monty python but hopefully will give a chuckle for people bored at work:-

A customer enters BW office in Austin
Mr Lurch: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(BW employee does not respond.)

Mr. Lurch: 'Ello, Miss?

BW employee: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Lurch: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

BW employee : We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Lurch: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this MMO server what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

BW employee: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hexdroid EU...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Lurch: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

BW employee: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr.Lurch: Look, matey, I know a dead server when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

BW employee: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable server, the Hexdroid EU, isn'it, ay? Beautiful graphics!

Mr. Lurch: The graphics don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

BW employee: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Lurch: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the monitor) 'Ello, Mister SWTOR server! I've got a lovely fresh bit of subscription for you if you
show...

(BW employee photoshops 'Full' onto server status)

BW employee: There, he's full!

Mr. Lurch: No, he is't, that was you using photoshop!

BW employee: I never!!

Mr. Lurch: Yes, you did!

BW employee: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Lurch: (yelling and hitting the monitor repeatedly) 'ELLO SERVER!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Picks mouse up and thumps it hard against the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Lurch: Now that's what I call a dead server

BW employee: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Lurch: STUNNED?!?

BW employee: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Hexdroid EU's stun easily, major.

Mr. Lurch: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That server is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged marketing campaign.

BW employee: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the PR spin.

Mr. Lurch: PININ' for the PR SPIN?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment the initial 30 days finished?

BW employee: The Hexdroid EU prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable server, is'nit, squire? Lovely graphics!

Mr. Lurch: Look, I took the liberty of examining that server when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on above 'Light' in the
first place was all the PR spin

(pause)

BW employee: Well, o'course it was PR spin! If I hadn't done all that PR spin, our customer base would have nuzzled up to our competitors, given them their money instead and the sub numbers would not have gone
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!


Mr. Lurch:"VOOM"?!? Mate, these subscriber numbers wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

BW employee: No no! 'E's pining for PR spin!

Mr. Lurch: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This server is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't done all the PR spin 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the internet and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-SERVER!!

(pause)

BW employee: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of server merges.


Mr. Lurch: I see. I see, I get the picture.

BW employee: I got a Super server

(pause)

Mr. Lurch: Pray, does it work?

BW employee: Nnnnot really we havent made or tested it yet

Mr. Lurch: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

BW employee: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Lurch: Well.

(pause)

BW employee: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place and play WOW instead?

Mr. Lurch: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.


I just did this for giggles no offence intended to anyone, dosen't require responses just hope it made some people maybe even the moderators laugh.
Originally Posted by ErisktheRed
my suggestion, the empire creates the death star early and blows up Illum instead of Alderaan. Problem solved.

SajmanPeetee's Avatar


SajmanPeetee
05.31.2012 , 05:17 AM | #2
Alot of work for a thread thats going to get locked and deleted before I finish typing this reply.

Kellour's Avatar


Kellour
05.31.2012 , 05:21 AM | #3
Hilarity.

Lurchy's Avatar


Lurchy
05.31.2012 , 05:31 AM | #4
Quote: Originally Posted by SajmanPeetee View Post
Alot of work for a thread thats going to get locked and deleted before I finish typing this reply.
oh ye of little faith, even moderators can have a sense of humour
Originally Posted by ErisktheRed
my suggestion, the empire creates the death star early and blows up Illum instead of Alderaan. Problem solved.

Oscibi's Avatar


Oscibi
05.31.2012 , 05:34 AM | #5
Quote: Originally Posted by Lurchy View Post
oh ye of little faith, even moderators can have a sense of humour
I think your on the wrong forums, This is the Swtor Forums - Land of closing threads happy devs and Bioware trolls
JediDuckling
this is how you play a pyrotech find your target, throw the bomb you get from unlocking at 31 points in pyrotech, grapple, flame burst, rail shot, Dead target.

Etheric's Avatar


Etheric
05.31.2012 , 05:55 AM | #6
Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)

Mannic's Avatar


Mannic
05.31.2012 , 05:57 AM | #7
I am hearing all the lines of the OP in the voices of John Cleese and Michael Palin. Therefore, it is hilarious.

omNOMNOMinator's Avatar


omNOMNOMinator
05.31.2012 , 06:05 AM | #8
Quote: Originally Posted by Mannic View Post
I am hearing all the lines of the OP in the voices of John Cleese and Michael Palin. Therefore, it is hilarious.
Yeah same this is brilliant!
Srill - Twi-Lekk Gunslinger
Tomb of Freedom Nadd

Oscibi's Avatar


Oscibi
05.31.2012 , 06:12 AM | #9
Quote: Originally Posted by Etheric View Post
Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)
you would just have to film them day to day for the twit olympics.
JediDuckling
this is how you play a pyrotech find your target, throw the bomb you get from unlocking at 31 points in pyrotech, grapple, flame burst, rail shot, Dead target.

LrdRahvin's Avatar


LrdRahvin
05.31.2012 , 06:18 AM | #10
Quote: Originally Posted by Etheric View Post
Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)
Or better yet, the Devs in the Art of Not Being Seen sketch