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Luke's Plan To Rescue Han...


Vecke's Avatar


Vecke
01.08.2012 , 04:10 AM | #1
Really, this had to be the worst plan in the history of the galaxy. The fact that it worked is proof enough that Luke had fate on his side.

Luke: "Okay, first, Lando, you get a job working for Jabba."

Lando: "Huh?"

Luke: "Then I'll send in the droids, and I'll give them to Jabba as gifts and ask Jabba to bargain for Han."

Lando: "Why?"

Luke: "So Artoo will get assigned to the sail barge, serving drinks.."

Leia: "How do you know that'll happen? He's an astromech, designed to do technical work. You're banking a lot on the hope that they won't properly use his abilities."

Luke: "Then Leia, you go in disguised as a bounty hunter and sell Chewie to Jabba."

Leia: "Wait. What?"

Luke: "Then you have to try to rescue Han. But it's VERY important that you fail in your attempt, because if you succeed, Jabba will then have Chewie and both the droids, and he'll have the droids legally, because I'll have given them to him as gifts. We don't want that. Now, there's a chance that Jabba might... do things to you... Just go with it."

Leia: "I don't like this plan."

Luke: "Don't worry, I'll come in next and ask Jabba to bargain. When he refuses to bargain--"

Lando: "What if he chooses to bargain?"

Luke: "He won't."

Lando: "But what if he does? I mean, you're a jedi. If he says, 'okay, you can have Han. These droids are awesome,' your whole plan kind of falls apart."

Luke: "He won't, okay! Gosh! When he REFUSES to bargain, I'll try to shoot him, but I'll fail, because if I succeed, I'll just get shot down by the hundred thugs in the room. So I'll fail and he'll drop me into the Rancor pit. Then I'll kill the rancor and Jabba will decide to take us all out into the desert."

Leia: "What if he just decides to execute everyone on the spot?"

Luke: "He won't! Gosh! I'm the Jedi here! He'll take us into the desert. Once we're out in the desert, Lando will get assigned to my skiff--"

Lando: "He's got several skiffs. How will I get assigned to yours?"

Luke: "*sigh* Then, Artoo will shoot my lightsaber to me, while Leia chokes Jabba."

Leia: "How?"

Luke: "OBVIOUSLY with the chain he'll have around your neck. Jeeze, Leia. Think before you ask a question."

Leia: "What the hell, man."

Luke: "THEN we'll blow up his barge and kill them all and escape!"

Lando: "Kind of an odd solution for a jedi. Honestly, kid, I don't like this plan."

Leia: "You know, there's about a million ways this could go wrong, and only one very specific way it could go right."

Luke: "I'M THE JEDI!"

Leia: "Besides, if we're just going to blow him up anyway, we have access to an entire army. We could just pay him off or just go in with a thousand troops and kill them all that way."

Luke: "I spent a lot of time on this plan, okay! I even drew maps and used my miniatures!"

Lando: "Is this entire plan just a ploy to get Leia in one of Jabba's slave girl outfits?"

Luke: "NO! ... Yes. I mean, it's not like she's my sister or something."

Lando:"Okay, I'm in."

Leia: "What?"

Luke: "Nothing. This will work. Trust me..."
"I know."

brynjulv's Avatar


brynjulv
01.08.2012 , 04:36 AM | #2
This was awesome.

Really, the plots in the original movies are weak. The actors' deliverie are similarly lackluster. The reason why we still hold them up as paragons of sci-fi filmmaking is all nostalgia.

Edit: Of course, that's not saying that the prequels are any better. Brrr.

EndgameTOR's Avatar


EndgameTOR
01.08.2012 , 05:05 AM | #3
The movies were made for children and it turned out that adults didn't take themselves too seriously and enjoyed them as well! The whole of Star Wars is an improbable mess - but we enjoy the ride!

DrSpuddinky's Avatar


DrSpuddinky
01.08.2012 , 05:29 AM | #4
Very good!

WerniesSturm's Avatar


WerniesSturm
01.08.2012 , 08:03 AM | #5
Quote: Originally Posted by endgametor View Post
the movies were made for children and it turned out that adults didn't take themselves too seriously and enjoyed them as well! The whole of star wars is an improbable mess - but we enjoy the ride!
qfe

Wolfninjajedi's Avatar


Wolfninjajedi
01.08.2012 , 09:51 AM | #6
Thats completely wrong, should I explain it?
"There is one lesson you've yet to learn. How to become one with the Force!"
―Cin Drallig to Darth Vader

Maucs the Tauntaun King, former SWG player.

jarjarloves's Avatar


jarjarloves
01.08.2012 , 11:04 AM | #7
Quote: Originally Posted by brynjulv View Post
This was awesome.

Really, the plots in the original movies are weak. The actors' deliverie are similarly lackluster. The reason why we still hold them up as paragons of sci-fi filmmaking is all nostalgia.

Edit: Of course, that's not saying that the prequels are any better. Brrr.
not like the prequel plots are better but my favorite is the plot of RoTJ is

"Hey remember the Death Star? Well we made a new one and it's bigger oh and remember how you destroyed it last time? Well now we got an even LARGER hole. It's so big you could fly a large transport ship into it and it leads straight to the reactor core"

aka_matrix_pwner's Avatar


aka_matrix_pwner
01.08.2012 , 11:16 AM | #8
Dragon Ball Z abridged style:

Leia: "I dont like this plan"
Quote:
Mister Popo: Oh, look, a woman who doesn't know any better, what are the odds...
Sorry, too much TeamFourStar lately...

bfishback's Avatar


bfishback
01.08.2012 , 11:31 AM | #9
I don't really think it was like that.

I'm sure that Luke just had multiple plans incase one of his plans messed up.

ibage's Avatar


ibage
01.08.2012 , 11:43 AM | #10
Quote: Originally Posted by Wolfninjajedi View Post
Thats completely wrong, should I explain it?
I agree but in all honesty, this was pretty awesome. Shadows of the Empire renders a lot of it invalid but nonetheless, still a good read.