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if you want to invite me to party, ASK ME first.


Kabjat

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EDIT: I suppose after all of the discussion that has happened on this thread, I should probably temper my original post with a bit of humility. Yes, humility because I am grateful for all of the feedback and the fact that I have come to understand something of the other way of thinking.

 

Also, let me qualify this for any new readers who stumble upon this thread: I DO NOT have a problem with blind invites in the case where it is OBVIOUS everyone in the immediate area is waiting for the same objective.

 

 

I have taken the liberty to circumvent the obvious retorts to my post with the following hypothetical questions:

 

"If you don't wanna be invited to groups, you should just go play a single-player game."

 

No. I don't mind being invited to groups. What I do mind is someone inviting me to party without showing me the courtesy of ASKING me first if I wish to party with them. Inviting without a word is not the same as asking.

 

"Turn on auto-decline group invites if you are such an anti-social person. Gawd, it's an MMO, people group to do stuff."

 

I love to group with people in order to meet a common objective. In fact, I am usually quite enthusiastic to party up with other players...provided they are willing to behave in a social manner themselves by being POLITE. It's RUDE to ninja-invite. Is it so hard to WHISPER someone and ask them if they even WANT to do the same thing you are doing?

 

And incidentally, I HAVE toggled auto-decline after today...didn't even know it was an option till my husband showed me. It cheeses me off that I have to and that people are so socially stunted that they can't be bothered to ASK first.

 

I'm all for efficiency. But when someone just spams me with his party invite without any regard to what I may be doing, it just makes me NOT want to party with him on principle alone. Like, even if I do want to do the same thing he wants to do, Saving Face, Personal Challenge, whatever....if he sends an invite without asking first, it's a forgone conclusion that I will NOT group with that person.

Edited by Kabjat
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This is definitely an old schooler posting. I applaud the mentality, actually.

 

Perhaps it's an over reaching assumption but I generally just avoid the groups entirely when the leader practices this. More times than not, it's a foreshadowing of the experience you'll have once grouped with said leader.

Edited by IIII-IIII-IIII
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even MORE astounding is when you hit decline, the invite reappears....as if the player thinks that there must be some mistake or he will wear me down by attrition.

 

My children do that when trying to get what they want. Too bad I don't have toggle auto-decline for them too. >.<

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I agree with the OP, I also turn down invites if i don't get asked first.

 

Actually in another MMOG just today i got someone inviting me to group and inviting me to be their freind without a single word, as you can guess both got denied.

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For me, depends on the situation.

 

If we're all standing around waiting on a spawn that we have to kill, just invite me already. I've had several groups that have formed, killed the mob and disbanded without so much as a word.

 

If I'm out questing in the world and you want me to join your FP, or you need a hand with something and your randomly working your way down the who list, then ask me first.

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For me, depends on the situation.

 

If we're all standing around waiting on a spawn that we have to kill, just invite me already. I've had several groups that have formed, killed the mob and disbanded without so much as a word.

 

If I'm out questing in the world and you want me to join your FP, or you need a hand with something and your randomly working your way down the who list, then ask me first.

 

^This.

 

If we're waiting on spawns I'm not going to type out an invite because it's pretty clear what's going on, and someone else might grab the spawn whilst I'm typing.

 

But that's the only time it's cool.

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This is what people must think when they see me questing on Ilum while healing Khem. "OMG ITS A HEALZZZ I WONDER IF THEYLL DO HEROICS WIT ME???"

 

Spams invites. I explain I'm doing the heroics with my guild later. He sits there and gets cross eyed and types stupid responses that I can't understand while STILL inviting me. Auto-decline is on now. It's annoying but I have to deal with it.

 

Edit: To clarify he invited me 3 times before saying anything to me about declining them.

Edited by JCommando
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One of the weird swtor players who untill wonder that not single-player game, but still playing like it's KotOR 3 and everywhere just a NPC.

Click on the invite button is esiest way to add someone to party instead of start talking.

 

If I see the someone who kill the same mobs as I need it - I always invite him. And rarely it's someone like post-starter who blame me with the wisper "you so rude! I'm never accept inite without 10kB whispers" and so on. Just relax! It's only game. And I'm talking to your by party-chat, just accept to invite the party before. :)

 

Think positively, make friendly to other players and everyone be alright.

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One of the weird swtor players who untill wonder that not single-player game, but still playing like it's KotOR 3 and everywhere just a NPC. Click on the invite button is esiest way to add someone to party instead of start talking.

 

exhibit A

Edited by IIII-IIII-IIII
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This is definitely an old schooler posting. I applaud the mentality, actually.

 

Perhaps it's an over reaching assumption but I generally just avoid the groups entirely when the leader practices this. More times than not, it's a foreshadowing of the experience you'll have once grouped with said leader.

 

Exactly. I had this happen a while ago this morning and I whispered the guy, asking him what he needed. he comes back with, "To win." I humor him and reply with, "Heh, no what I mean is, why the invite?"

 

His response? "To help."

 

I laughed IRL, sparking a conversation between my husband and I about this. I didn't bother telling the player that I would have most likely been happy to help him with the saving face heroic even though I had already done it if he'd just asked me for help. You know....like a person.

 

and old school? hmm. If you mean old school as in old school gamer, I'm afraid I'm a noob in most every sense xD. WoW Rift and this are the extent of my MMO experience.

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The only time I send out a team request without asking is when there's a mob being camped that can be shared and it appears obvious to both of us that we are both camping the same one. Since it can spawn at any time, speed is useful. Don't want to team? Decline, I'll not send it a 2nd time. I'd expect others to do the same to me, sending a team request once I arrive at a boss spawn site. I also fully expect the team to dissolve afterwards.

 

I also don't think there's much need to ask if you're in a dedicated quest area. My brother and I were doing a 2-man heroic on Dromund Kaas the other day. As we were fighting the boss, a lone Assassin showed up and helped us kill it. I asked my brother if he was willing to run it again, and we invited the assassin and ran it again. I don't even remember the assassin asking for help, or us offering. The invite was the offer.

 

Repeated invites, that is quite rude. Invites out of quest areas or for distant quests without asking, also rude.

 

I have never received a blind invite for a team that wasn't doing a quest for where I was already standing at the time. There have been times in other MMOs where I got blind invites as I passed through an area, but I just decline those and move on. I didn't think of them as rude since they thought I was on the same thing they were and were offering efficiency. Doesn't happen often since most players would rather just focus on their own quest and compete for the kills.

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I had this problem last night. Someone sent me an invite. I declined. He then cursed me out in local for having LFG flag on when I didn't want to group. I explained that I did NOT have the LFG option flagged. I automatically decline any invite that's not accompanied with a convo.

 

His response was that I was in the same area as he was and I should want to group up. Where is the logic in this?

 

Just because I'm in the local Mall does it mean i'm there to shop? sheesh.

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One of the weird swtor players who untill wonder that not single-player game, but still playing like it's KotOR 3 and everywhere just a NPC.

Click on the invite button is esiest way to add someone to party instead of start talking.

 

If I see the someone who kill the same mobs as I need it - I always invite him. And rarely it's someone like post-starter who blame me with the wisper "you so rude! I'm never accept inite without 10kB whispers" and so on. Just relax! It's only game. And I'm talking to your by party-chat, just accept to invite the party before. :)

 

Think positively, make friendly to other players and everyone be alright.

 

Actually i don't even bother whispering why i turned down the invite, hey if you can't be bothered why should i?

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The one situation where this is acceptable, if your obviously on the same mission with someone and both waiting on the same respawn.

 

I'll just blind invite the person. Usually they accept, we get the objective and we both say thanks and go our own way.

Edited by ObiQuixote
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For me, depends on the situation.

 

If we're all standing around waiting on a spawn that we have to kill, just invite me already. I've had several groups that have formed, killed the mob and disbanded without so much as a word.

 

If I'm out questing in the world and you want me to join your FP, or you need a hand with something and your randomly working your way down the who list, then ask me first.

 

This couldn't be said any better. I've noticed most of the no-ask invites come when people are after the same quest objective. That just shows me that people are considerate and realize we are all playing the same game and trying to have fun, so I accept those all the time.

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For me, depends on the situation.

 

If we're all standing around waiting on a spawn that we have to kill, just invite me already. I've had several groups that have formed, killed the mob and disbanded without so much as a word.

 

If I'm out questing in the world and you want me to join your FP, or you need a hand with something and your randomly working your way down the who list, then ask me first.

 

I have to agree with this, as I have had this happen several times now. Several of us are approaching an elite at the end of a bonus series and I will get a group invite. Most of the time I will accept these because I know what the objective is.

 

It is nice when I get a 'thanks for the group' at the end.

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even MORE astounding is when you hit decline, the invite reappears....as if the player thinks that there must be some mistake or he will wear me down by attrition.

 

My children do that when trying to get what they want. Too bad I don't have toggle auto-decline for them too. >.<

 

I had someone who was either following me or doing the same quest. He invited me EIGHT times before I finally whispered him and told him to stop. Seriously if you do it once and it's declined, obviously that person doesn't want to group. Annoying them only lands you on the ignore list.

 

Even doing it once is foolish IMO. If you don't talk, neither of you knows if the other person is actually doing a quest you want/need to do.

 

My only exception is that if it's obvious you're both going after the same boss. Instead of racing to see who gets him first (and making the other person wait for it to respawn), it's better to try to group up.

Edited by Miragee
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One of the weird swtor players who untill wonder that not single-player game, but still playing like it's KotOR 3 and everywhere just a NPC.

Click on the invite button is esiest way to add someone to party instead of start talking.

 

If I see the someone who kill the same mobs as I need it - I always invite him. And rarely it's someone like post-starter who blame me with the wisper "you so rude! I'm never accept inite without 10kB whispers" and so on. Just relax! It's only game. And I'm talking to your by party-chat, just accept to invite the party before. :)

 

Think positively, make friendly to other players and everyone be alright.

 

I respect your point of view, however I disagree. There is a time and place, like a couple of previous posters have stated, where this is acceptable. Like everyone waiting OBVIOUSLY for the same mob.

 

But it's not ok to do this if you clearly don't know what the person is doing. They may be working on crew skills, or trying to sell things, or just...not doing anything at all. Point is, getting a random invite shows a lack of courtesy. If that person ninja inviting is just standing around the quest hub looking LFM, then there is no reason he can't take the time to whisper.

 

And 'making friendly' works both ways. :)

 

I'm leveling a tank so auto-decline is an awesome feature and I'm glad it's in the game. >.<

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The one situation where this is acceptable, if your obviously on the same mission with someone and both waiting on a the same respawn.

 

I'll just blind invite the person. Usually they accept, we get the objective and we both say thanks and go our own way.

 

Yeah, I think for many including myself it is kind of the exception to the rule. WHen that happens I always accept. Normally I just whisper them and we group but if they throw an invite out first I always accept.

 

Really though since we're both there and waiting for the respawn I know what they're after and want.

 

Main reason I usually turn those down other times is I'm in the middle of doing something and their annoying screen pops up distracting me or I have no idea what they're trying to accomplish. I especially love the ones that start spam inviting you.

Edited by GarbonzotheDude
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I wonder if the OP is a traditional FFXI player. There's just something that makes one more warm and opening when people actually send a message - or perhaps it's just the fufillment of a social action that gives us faith that the party can communicate and work as a cohesive unit. Either way, I agree completely... I wouldn't join from a blind invite.

 

This goes doubly so for Guild Invites, and honestly they are both looked at in the same light to me.

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For me, depends on the situation.

 

If we're all standing around waiting on a spawn that we have to kill, just invite me already. I've had several groups that have formed, killed the mob and disbanded without so much as a word.

 

If I'm out questing in the world and you want me to join your FP, or you need a hand with something and your randomly working your way down the who list, then ask me first.

 

This is what I was thinking to reply then I read your post.

 

TL;DR ^ This

Edited by DirtyDozen
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The only time I send out a team request without asking is when there's a mob being camped that can be shared and it appears obvious to both of us that we are both camping the same one. Since it can spawn at any time, speed is useful. Don't want to team? Decline, I'll not send it a 2nd time. I'd expect others to do the same to me, sending a team request once I arrive at a boss spawn site. I also fully expect the team to dissolve afterwards.

 

I also don't think there's much need to ask if you're in a dedicated quest area. My brother and I were doing a 2-man heroic on Dromund Kaas the other day. As we were fighting the boss, a lone Assassin showed up and helped us kill it. I asked my brother if he was willing to run it again, and we invited the assassin and ran it again. I don't even remember the assassin asking for help, or us offering. The invite was the offer.

 

Repeated invites, that is quite rude. Invites out of quest areas or for distant quests without asking, also rude.

 

I have never received a blind invite for a team that wasn't doing a quest for where I was already standing at the time. There have been times in other MMOs where I got blind invites as I passed through an area, but I just decline those and move on. I didn't think of them as rude since they thought I was on the same thing they were and were offering efficiency. Doesn't happen often since most players would rather just focus on their own quest and compete for the kills.

 

 

Again, I agree with this. That type of instance, quick inviting is appropriate.

 

But in a quest hub, where time or respawns are not of the essence, I really don't understand why people ninja-invite. Honestly, does it even occur to them the possibility that the player they are inviting may have already done the heroic? if I don't respond to their LFM spam in general, then why would I all of a sudden decide I need to group with this person just because he invites me?

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