Welcome to Hutta, noble tourist!

We hope you enjoy our planet, with its delightful scenic vistas and picturesque flourishes of local urban culture.

Among the many and varied charms of Hutta, we would encourage you to visit Honest Jheeg's Ethnic Huttese Restaurant, for a genuine taste of local cuisine, made from genuine local Evocii... I beg your pardon, made by genuine local Evocii chefs.

We would ask visitors to our planet to remember one or two basic ground rules, though, out of respect for our varied and refined culture.

1) You are not *all* the Red Blade. Seriously, we've had about five hundred this last month alone. We've managed to pass it off to Nem'ro as being a curious off-world tradition meant to show respect to him, but sooner or later, his court are going to work it out... and you do *not* want to be the 5,000th Red Blade who presents himself or herself to Nem'ro when Tothlazhen suddenly turns and says "Pull the other lekku; it's got bells on".

2) Bounty Hunters. We appreciate that you're drawn to the gung-ho lawlessness of Hutta, and we understand that you like our convenient swamps for the disposal of bodies, our casual attitude to unexplained murders, and our lack of a Customs and Excise service relating to weapons, explosives, etc. However, we would very strongly request that, in return, you kindly refrain from using your jet packs indoors.

You are unbalancing our economy. Builders specialising in ceiling repair are now our fastest growing business sectors, rapidly overtaking vice, smuggling, and all other trades.

This is affecting our galactic reputation as a hive of scum and villainy. Twi'lek prostitutes are routinely putting on overalls and going out fixing ceilings in the day, and then not bothering to hang around the spaceport at night, because they've already made enough to buy their own ship! Muggers, extortionists, saboteurs, thieves, blackmailers, and pirates are all finding that they can put their talents to very similar, but legitimate use, in the building trade. This is ruining Hutta's reputation, please understand that we don't want to be known as "The planet where you go to get a new garden wall", and, as respectable criminals yourselves, do your part to keep Hutta torrid, by not firing your flipping jet packs indoors!

3) Anyone caught pointing up at Nar Shaddaa and saying "That's no moon... it's a space station" will be summarily executed in the name of accuracy.

4) Do not make fun of Nem'ro's "gas mining". As ugly as Hutts may seem, they don't mine their gas from... well, you know what you're thinking. Any outburst of this statement to ANY HUTT shall receive the punishment of being tied up to a pole in the throne room for three days and shall be hit with leftovers and utensils from the feasts.

5) Do not go onto any Hutt's turf just to laugh at the slaves for being in such a position while you pride yourself in your lavish lifestyle. Slaves usually have a tool that can be used as a weapon, mostly a pick-axe, and will strike on anyone who dares make fun of them.

6) Do not inundate the authorities accusing others of the crime of stealing your possessions.

Theft of goods on Hutta is legal under the Hutt 'Finders keepers' act. Article B, subsection 31.

6a) We would show you the precise wording of the law in the statute book, but, sadly, someone has stolen it.

7) For the love of the entire Cartel, please do not get Kaliyo Djannis drunk again. We mean it. Some people still haven't come out of hiding since the last time.

8) We have a progressive and mutually rewarding relationship of bilateral trade and verbal abuse with the Empire. Visiting Sith are cordially welcomed to our humble world. In addition to the guidelines already expressed, we wish to clarify for them the following...

• Hutta is a swamp world.
  
  
• Swamp gas is highly inflammable.
  
  
• Force lightning causes extreme high temperatures and combustion.
  
  
• You're supposed to be able to use powers beyond the grasp of common men; you join the dots.
  
  

9) For the attention of the Jedi Order. We appreciate the interest, and we do understand that Tython is getting a little crowded, and that you're getting a little tired of having to remove Flesh Raiders from the bath all the time, however, regretfully we must advise you that we really don't think our planet would be right for you to build a new Jedi Academy. If Masters Orgus and Satele really feel that the chief benefit of moving to Hutta would be "the availability of cheap ******s to stop Padawans feeling so tempted to indulge romantic attachments with each other and/or Flesh Raiders", then may we recommend the Jedi Order considers taking up lodgings on Dromund Kaas? We feel sure that any initial friction regarding slight differences in political viewpoint will be swiftly resolved once the Empire and the Jedi Council recognise the boost to efficiency represented by placing the overly randy Padawans within close range of Imperial Intelligence operatives.