Oops. He notices I am gathering the dishes and kicking them aside along with my discarded rifle and vibroknife. “Cleaning up so I can go into the water.”

 

*Theron smiles. “That is an excellent idea. I would join you but I did not bring swim gear for this.”

 

I smile devilishly: “Neither did I.”

 

Theron widens his eyes. “You are going swimming in your clothes?” His eyes widen further and his skin turns a deep red. “You’re going with nothing on?”

 

I nod, running a hand through my hair. In truth, Theron is the voice to my stomach’s protest. Exposing myself to the scrutiny of an SIS agent? Risky business, Cipher 8, but when is wooing a lover ever risk-free? Though I should assure him I am not asking him to skinny dip. “Theron, you do not have to remove all your clothing if it makes you too uncomfortable. Why do you think I made sure you packed extra boxer shorts before leaving?”

 

Theron shakes his head at me and laughs nervously.* “I’m convinced self-consciousness is a foreign concept to you, Crim. If you’re not wearing bright pink and purple one evening after destroying a star fortress, you are dancing with only pants on at the cantina.”

 

I laugh nervously. “I thought you were in your quarters those days. Did you like my outfit, and my dancing?”

 

*Theron nods and looks behind me to the water. The longest minutes of our time here pass by. I want to just throw off my clothes and jump in, yet the cold of the water freezes me. Or is it my nerves that no longer have courage anymore? Theron’s eyes betray how nervous he is at the idea. Perhaps no swimming gear was too much? Finally, he scratches the skin above his cybernetic implants and asks, “Why skinny dipping?”

 

“Too often when I am wearing clothing, I am wearing Cipher 8. I am putting on the next disguise with the intent of deceiving. Or I am putting on a good performance for a Sith, Lana, the Alliance, or so many other people. When I am disrobed in the water I am Crimsèn again. I am the man who needs some stability, who longs for the touch of another, and who kills himself everyday that he let a beautiful SIS agent walk away because he was wearing Cipher 8 instead of himself.”

 

Theron slowly rises from his chair. “You’re talking about when we parted on Yavin IV. I thought you understood? Crimsèn, there was no way we could have stayed together the way things were! You knew that and I knew that.”

 

“Theron, we are spies. We are the kings of our respected intelligence organizations- We could have easily snuck between factions to be together! But we didn’t. Instead I let you walk away. I said what I was supposed to say as the good Cipher 8, and not what the man wanted to say. Well, no longer.”

 

I take a deep breath and unfasten my belt buckle. I pull my belt out of its holes and drop it to the ground. I feel the fabric around my waist come loose, and air rush up and chill the skin that is now free. Such a simple garment, yet holds so much together. What happens when I pull the first block out of Cipher 8’s tower? Will it crumble in a heap or will the man stand underneath it all and reveal who he is?

 

Theron whispers: “What are you doing?”

 

“Whether you strip down or not, I will. I have to do this, Theron. I need you to know who the real man is and he is not always the Cipher.”

 

I step away from where we were standing and unfasten my brand new Mender Jacket that Lana had made for me. “As I said earlier, there was no need to end it— we are both spies! We know how to sneak into places, and we know every single neutral world in the galaxy.”

 

The fabric of the jacket falls to the stone floor, and with it the undershirt. The cold penetrates my muscles and joints. I glance up to see Theron is so silent, shivering, and his eyes are sad as they look at me. I then remember my chest is in full view of his eyes.

 

He can see my scars. I shiver and tense—I forgot I had them for a moment, and forgot he has never seen them.

 

He walks up and runs a hand along them. “You are so beautiful,” he whispers, “scars and all. Who did this to you?”

 

“My mother and father during their more abusive actions. If they could hear us now, they would do worse.”

 

He nods and steps back. I reach for my cortosis jumpsuit and within seconds it is on the floor. I continue my speech: “What I really wanted to say on Yavin IV five years ago was you are the most real person to me. We should stay together, in spite of it being forbidden, and actually get to know one another. You are one of the few people I have ever wanted to know so deeply. Who could blame me? Not everyday I run into a man who could walk away from expectations. But of course I instead became the Cipher and here we are—Still only starting our romance, and I cannot even get a hug from you, never mind be together in public.”

 

“You're beautiful, Crimsèn” he answers quietly, “and I walked away”. His belt within seconds fell to the floor. Did I see that correctly? I thought this strip show was mine? Is that all he will remove?

 

“I’m sorry for just leaving you here those years ago. The more I look back the more I realize those words weren't really what I wanted you to hear, either. They weren’t what my heart wanted to say. The real miracle is how are you willing to be butt naked around me in spite of being ditched on Yavin IV.”

 

I looked down at him through sad eyes: “Don’t blame yourself completely, Theron,” I said with a shaky voice, “I am the one who just let you go.”

 

Theron slowly removed his jacket and shirt. His skin is beautiful! He has a nice tan, and no scars mar it. I forget the cold water and the warm fire—Theron notices my eyes and comments with a small chuckle, “See anything you like?”

 

I nod and lean toward him with a small smile. “Everything.”

 

 

He came closer so our chests were against one another. His skin is so silky smooth, and so warm! We do not need a campfire anymore. I let out a breath as I feel his hand wander down my chest. It is so good; I cannot help but press against him more. I have not felt the skin of a man caressing mine in so long.

 

His voice is so warm and beautiful when he talks against me: “As I said in my letter, I’m horrible at relationships. Even with women I was horrible. When we met, you were an attractive thought—What are the odds I would encounter a force-less red sith spy?”

 

I chuckle. “As far as I know I am the only one who has made it this far. Many sith signed up and the majority of them either died on a mission, or Intelligence eventually did them in.”

 

"And that is why I became so drawn to you. Why am I so drawn to you? It was supposed to stay an attractive thought: We were Republic and Imperial. We are not supposed to fall in love, but fight each other. Instead, I got to know you more and found myself falling for you slowly.”

 

Theron moves his hand along my skin- up to my left pectoral muscle and then down towards my mid section. A simple gesture, and I cherish every movement—Oh how I want to feel Theron everywhere! But I must not be greedy, cannot be greedy…

 

Theron continued, “What you’ve accomplished isn’t easy; walking away from what’s ‘expected’ of you never is. Same can be said about me walking away from the SIS and going rogue. By all the rights in the Republic, I was supposed to stay. But sometimes you have to do the hard things.”

 

I reach to up and rub the back of his neck with my thumb. His skin feels smooth underneath my claw. Thankfully he does not move away, or remove my hand. What a beautiful man, and I let him walk away.

 

Theron buries his face in my chest, and sobs a little. The salty tears I feel his eyes dropping make me shiver in spite of the embrace. “What’s wrong, akise?”

 

“Akise?”

 

"Beloved…” I admit shyly. “It’s a Sith language term.”

 

He explains, “I was terrified I lost you on that world, akise. I could have lost the man I was falling in love with, that I have fallen in love with, because I kriffed up!”

 

“Theron, you had nothing to do with my presence there. Lana summoned me, and as the former head of Sith Intelligence I could not say no to her. *It was not your fault. I was more terrified the Republic sent you there, possibly to your death. But when I saw you under the dome, and you did not reject me when I flirted with you… I was the happiest man in the galaxy. I figured perhaps we had another chance. And then Zakuul.”

 

Theron reached up and planted a kiss on my lips— His lips are gentle and firm, and tingles are sent through my skin. His lips always tasted so good. “We were both spies, we could have made us work,” he said softly, almost to himself, when we pull a part.

 

"Indeed we could have, but we chose not to. Perhaps it is for the best,” I admit quietly. I then slide my hands down his skin a few moments before letting him go and unfasten my pants and allow them to drop to the floor. I often feel pants represent security for men. The loss of more clothing steals warmth from me, along with whatever sense of security I had. “We probably would not be here and alive if we had chosen to toughen things out.”

 

He admits, “Yeah, I have thought of that. So much has happened in the galaxy that it is hard to believe it’s only been 5 years. It feels more like 5 decades.” He then takes a breath and his trousers and boots are kicked away to the side.

 

His legs are defined, tanned, and so long—A strong part of me wants to reach out and feel them like I felt his chest. But is he doing this because he wants to, or because this is a fancy version of king of the hill? “Theron, if you are too uncomfortable with it, you do not have to strip down.”

 

He shrugs. “You think you’re the only one who has been wearing a costume? Putting on a good façade? Hah!”

 

I look down, eyes staring into the fire’s flames. “More so I do not wish to rush you. When I first realised I was gay I would not have appreciated someone rushing me into a romance with another man. I will not do that to you.”

 

He steps closer and wraps his arms around me, leans his head against my chest. Bare skin meeting bare skin again. I have to force myself to not give under the sensations. “Crimsèn, what have you done to me? Flirting, a few kisses, and patience. After 5 years of complete isolation, you chose to remain isolated. And now here you are being open with someone who pulled back. Trust me when I say you are not making me undress; I want to.”

 

While in his arms is where I want to stay, I know I have to complete it. One last garment stands between the real me and the real galaxy. So I step away from him and down my boxers go. First buttocks, genitals, and then legs. My bare feet with sharper claws step back out of them. I am exposed in the flames. There is no Cipher 8 anymore, just Crimsèn. The sith pureblood man who walked away from the Force and his heritage to become an agent. A man who is very gay, and very in love with Theron Shan. The man who is very cold now, in spite of the fire, and very insecure in this kind of exposure. I cannot summon my gun, nor reach for my knife. I cannot hide. Though I will go in the water.

 

I smile at Theron, who has not taken his eyes off me. Slowly I turn around and walk into the water. It’s one thing to be naked face-to-face, it’s another to turn your back. Backs turned expose one to trust earned or betrayed. How many times have I betrayed trust in my line of work only to expect Theron to prove he has earned my trust?

 

I gasp when I enter the cold water. It slows my movements into it, and the breeze stabs like ice. I pull together my courage and continue. I lower myself into it with a quick, sharp intake of breath. Whatever physiological response I was having while watching Theron was stolen from me. The warmth I had was whisked away as the water from the waterfall came down over my head.

 

I look at Theron, who is still frozen on the shore. I’m sure he is still a bit nervous and unsure. *I will say it thousands of times if I need to tonight: “You do not need to remove the rest of your clothing if you do not want to, Theron! The water is great- I want you to enjoy it in a way that you are most comfortable with.”

 

From the look he gave me, I could see he was tempted to keep his boxers on. But courage and perhaps desire got the best of him, and he soon joined me with the last of his clothing left behind. Beautiful.

 

His warm hands and arms come around me and my heart rate speeds. His chest and legs come against mine; I can feel them shiver underneath the water and his goosebumps rub against mine.

 

“Cold?” Theron’s voice is a soft whisper against my neck.

 

My response is to nod and run my claws through his hair. His hands run along my back and my chest. I feel my body reacting—No! I will not be that man who jumps at the chance the moment it presents itself. Tonight is not about that. That’s why I ease us down deeper into the water. The cold will provide enough to slow my physical reaction. For a moment. The moment passes when I hear, “I love you. You know that right? In spite of my shyness, and obsession with work, right?"

 

I cannot breathe. Those words, the cold, the heat. I try to draw in through my nostrils and speak again. “Theron… akise…”

 

He looks up to me and smiles. He understood. He understood without me saying the words. Perhaps they are not needed, though I would love to be able to speak.

 

Then he kisses me. It lights my lips on fire. I open my mouth to deepen the kiss, and he responds in kind. Within seconds our mouths cannot get enough of each other. I pull him over me so he’s more pressed against my chest, and I have better access to his neck and chest. His mouth moves along my skin and lights it on fire. A fire hot that gets chilled and re-chilled against my skin every time Theron’s mouth moves away. I feel his hands move south—wait, this is too soon! Is this too soon? He touches me and my hand shoots up to his wrist. He looks up with a knit brow, and I clarify: “Theron, this will sound very pointless but are you sure you want to make love to me?”

 

Theron shakes his head. “No. I'm not completely ready.”

 

I pant and whisper, “Then please don’t do that!”

 

“But I want you…”

 

“But I didn’t bring… protection…” My protests are silent at his hand gestures.

 

His smooth-looking fingers are coarse against my most sensitive skin. I moan out his name and arch my back against the rocks.

 

Perhaps he does not need to be ready- After five years of waiting, searching, and hoping it was time to for passions to run as free as the water. Though I chuckle a little as he tries to get on top of me completely. I whisper, “No, no, no. That will hurt you, Theron”

 

He blushes, but I do not let him pull back. Instead I taste his ******s, pectorals, and abdomen.* My claws run down his back and he arches into them. I hold my hands underneath the running waterfall so it gets wet. Not the best but it will do for what we need. He is so tight when my fingers enter in! Nothing like the looser Theron I encountered at the cantina; so many aspects to this man, and each makes him more beautiful than the last.

 

“Crimsèn… Crimsèn… No more preparation. I need you in me…”

 

I pull his lips to mine and whisper, “This will hurt, akise. But I promise the pleasure will outweigh the pain.”

 

I smile a little when I feel him tense up at the warning. Oh well, the tension will reward him in a moment. Thankfully, he likes my claws along his skin. It feels better under them. I massage his waist and things to get him to relax. The tension leaves as if the water flowing around us is washing it away. I lower him over me and gasp when warmth from his insides surround me. He winces in pain as I lower him down, but I do not stop. Theron is the man who just rips the kolto patch off himself; just from his facial reactions I can tell he is glad I did not lower, stop, lower, stop.

 

My movements increase inside him—The waterfall flowing against my back in contrast with the heat of Theron’s body surround me drives me forward. I cannot hold back anymore, not after all this waiting and carefulness. Theron’s tightening grip on my shoulders accelerate my tempo. He moves with me soon and his cries are more musical to my ears than the jungle sounds.

 

*We climax at the same time with shouts. His seed so warm against my chest, his breath so hoarse along my neck. I slump into the water, a welcome cool from the heat of making love to someone for the first time in at least five years. We just sit, pant, kiss, and look at each other fondly. We only left to dress and go to the ship because nights are very cold on Yavin IV, especially in the temples.

 

Of course, the cold didn’t chill our burning heat. This time, though, I let Theron take me. To fill him again would have been too painful, and being filled would complete what we started back at the temple. Being taken was amazing, even though men from years past had been more skilled and experienced. This, however, was no mere warm body, but Theron Shan: my ally, friend, and lover.

 

When we are done, we settle under the covers. I pulled him tight against me. “Theron,” I speak quietly, “I love you, akise; please don't let me lose you so soon after finding you again?”

 

Theron does not say a word at first. He just kisses me deeply, and then goes back to cuddling under the covers. “I would never be that cruel to you, akise.”

Edited May 7, 2017 by vadess

My you've made quite some additions, took me a bit to catch up.

 

There were some nice insights into Crimsen's past relationships and family in those chapters and it was really good to see him reunite with Theron at last, I love that moment in KOTFE and Theron's dopey "I don't know about that but hey I'll take it". I have to say they're really adorable together and there's some typical Theron lines you've nicely worked into the story, good job.

Another response since you posted more before I could even submit the previous one, lol.

 

It must have been hard growing up the way Crimsen did and I could definitely see Purebloods taking issue with homosexuality purely due to the pride of their species and wanting to see the survival of their species. Theron is so very sweet to him though and wow, things got steamy there near the end. Very well done.

My you've made quite some additions, took me a bit to catch up.

 

There were some nice insights into Crimsen's past relationships and family in those chapters and it was really good to see him reunite with Theron at last, I love that moment in KOTFE and Theron's dopey "I don't know about that but hey I'll take it". I have to say they're really adorable together and there's some typical Theron lines you've nicely worked into the story, good job.

 

(bows) Thanks! Yeah... I was writing furiously the last few days. I hope you see why I split it into parts.

 

Yes, I loved it too. BUt then when I compared it to what Crim had to go through to see Theron again, I realized it was kinda lackluster. And it isn't really until Crim gets to his ship that he can read the letter (Not like the story REALLY leaves much room to fly to Vaiken and check one's email).

 

Another response since you posted more before I could even submit the previous one, lol.

 

It must have been hard growing up the way Crimsen did and I could definitely see Purebloods taking issue with homosexuality purely due to the pride of their species and wanting to see the survival of their species. Theron is so very sweet to him though and wow, things got steamy there near the end. Very well done.

 

Yeah, Crimmy's upbringing wasn't easy, hence requiring drastic action on his part to run away and strip himself off the Force.

 

(bows) Thank you for enjoying the steamy part.. So steamy, I think it made the waterfall boil a little. Thanks for reading .

 

I will have the next chapter up soon.

I quite enjoyed all of the thoughtful details you included in the story--especially the endearment. It made it seem all the more tender and real what was happening between them.

 

Nicely done.

I quite enjoyed all of the thoughtful details you included in the story--especially the endearment. It made it seem all the more tender and real what was happening between them.

 

Nicely done.

 

(Bows) Thank you! It's definitely one of my favourites to use.

 

Theron's POV

 

 

Star Fortresses: The means by which Emperor Arcann controlled key worlds. My task, along with Miot, was to look into helping resistance leaders on the planets to destroy the Star Fortress, and Zakuul’s grip on them. Thankfully, stage one of the mission is coming to a close: The Star Fortresses we targeted are gone. Hoth, Tatooine, Alderaan, Nar Shaddaa, Voss, and Belsavis have been liberated. It is a wonderful thing, liberating a world. Oh look at me, becoming SO sentimental. Must be something in the food dispenser on this little ship.

 

I head to the bridge where our pilot is and my boyfriend. I nod to Amiot and then smile at Crim sleeping in the other chair. “Oh dear. I think liberating worlds across the galaxy has knocked our Outlander out.” I whisper this quietly, as I don't want to wake him.

 

"I think Crim has earned a small nap, don’t you?"

 

Miot whispers to me in his native language, <He passed out a few moments ago. I would too if it weren’t for us needing a pilot.>

 

“You go ahead and rest, Miot, I can pilot for a little while.”

 

Miot bows and slowly heads to where the sleeping quarters are. I sit in the pilot seat and glance over to “sleeping beauty.” Crim always talks about beauty sleep—Now that I have a chance to get a good look at him while he’s asleep, I can see why. Then again Crim is just as beautiful when he’s awake: The silver eyes, the deep red skin, the way the grooves and ridges shape his face and chest, and the compassion and determination you see when you look in his eyes directly.* Beautiful…

 

I smile at his sleeping form and just watch. A few times I see him tremble and his shoulders becoming tight. Is he dreaming about carbonite? Valkorian in his head? I reach over and squeeze his hand. His shoulders relax; good, he should know I am here. But his shoulders start to tense again, and his breathing quickens so I quietly I put the ship on autopilot and I move over to where he is sleeping and adjust things so he is underneath me. “Easy, Crim, it’s a dream. You’re safe with me, now.”

 

His features softened again and his breathing calmed. Does he know I am holding him? He answers my thoughts: "Theron..." in a quiet tone.

 

I rest my chin on top of his head and sigh. Yes, Crim is safe with me and in my arms for a little bit. He is neither in carbonite, on Zakuul, nor in a past he almost never talks about. He is safe with me.

 

A few more minutes pass by. I run my fingers through his hair a little, and his chest rises and falls slowly. I hope his dreams are good now. Eventually, his eyes open a crack: “Good morning, sleepy sith,” I said quietly, “were your dreams good?”

 

Crim nods with a small smile. He yawns and snuggles with me more. I am glad Miot isn't here to watch this: A giant sith snuggling up to the smaller me? Amusing sight.

 

"Is the chair comfortable?"

 

Crim's voice is still filled with sleep when he answers. “It’s passable. Not quite like the beds on Odessen but not as rough as some of the places I had to lay my head down before. However, you made it more enjoyable.”

 

I relax in the chair while Crim yawns again; I enjoy our shared warmth. “I hear ya. If I remember from my past missions the cold snow of Hoth, with a portable sleeper, was not fun.”

 

“Sleeping on Taris was no better, if I recall correctly. Of course nothing is comfy when it's near a known rakghoul nest!” Crim looks out the window and goes silent.

 

I looked at him curiously.* “What did you do on Taris?”*

 

“Helped some Sith drive the Republic off world. I didn’t want to but I had no choice. Intelligence has ways to get their agents to behave."

 

"Get you to behave? As in make you behave, regardless of if there was an alternative to driving the people of Taris from their homeworld?"

 

Crim looked down and a way. I stiffened, assuming his reaction meant his answer was a yes.* “Did... Did they give you the Castellan mind control?”

 

“You… You know about that? How?”

 

My grip around him tightened. “By snooping for reasons to stay onboard. Instead I found a very good reason to leave. The SIS’ old leader used it to control Cipher 9 when the agent got the codename Legate. I'm not sure if the Cipher actually defected or was simply being the double agent. Whatever happened to them?”

 

Crim shook his head. “I don’t know. Cipher 9 was one of our best and most loyal. I was willing to give Intelligence my all. We both received the Castellan treatment. Mine was administered during the acclimation process.”

 

“Why would they do something like that? Did… were they unhappy about your sexuality?”

 

“No, no, no… Intelligence doesn’t give a kriff about whether an agent is gay, straight, bi, or asexual. All it cares about is if agents can get the job done. I was considered high risk, Theron, because I am sith. They feared I would turn on them the moment my people said go. So they brainwashed me, and programmed me to ensure it wouldn’t happen. I figured out how to undo the programming about 7 years ago now.”

 

Crim's shoulders slumped a little, and looked out the window.* He was looking straight out the window, and was a bit far away.* I reached one hand for his heart. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

 

Crim still looks out the window and his voice breaks. "It is alright, Theron, it was along time ago."

 

I know I should drop the issue, but I had to know: “Crim, is it gone? Are you safe?"

 

He nods but doesn't look at me. “That's good then... Are you alright?”

 

Crim shrugged. “I will be. I am just not... Well, let's just say I did things underneath the mind control I'm not happy with. Worst of all I do not know how to start apologising for it as I did not choose to do these things. I was literally forced, not trained, to follow orders. Furthermore, people who knew my keyword did things to me. Things that colleagues should never do to one another. Things that by all the rights in the Empire should never have happened because I am so physically fit! I have never told anyone about them until now.”

I run my fingers through his hair, and attempt to comfort, although I feel my temperature rise as he talks. I think I know what he is talking about… If I could, I would teach all those people a lesson! But we cannot and now my boyfriend is still far away. How to bring him back… However, he is still far away. He's not where I want him to be. “Akise?”

 

Crim turns to me and I look at him, with my hand cupping his cheek.

 

"What you did in the name of the Empire is nothing to be ashamed of, regardless of if it was done under the mind control or not. You were protecting your own people and did your duty. Just like I did for the SIS. Don’t let yourself be judged by people hiding behind a desk or people using a keyword to get their dirty work done. And your handlers did to you is not your shame to carry.”*

 

Crim’s eyes still seem far off in the distance, though he manages to smile a little. “I know; I know… Although it saddens me when I think back on it.* I’m worried about what you’ll think of me when you find out the truth.”

 

“You mean when I find out you are far from an innocent bystander? Would now be a good time to tell you I'm not either?”

 

Crim still looks out the window. Then his face and eyes were buried in my chest. So much emotion and he’s comfortable expressing it with me? The man who locks it away so often? I'm amazed he is still with me at times.* Crim looked up at me, eyes finally coming back to the here and now.

 

I continued my tale: “I worked for the SIS. I had to make hard choices. For example, how many of your people were killed on Korriban because I helped plan that attack to get information against the Empire? Re-phrase: How many of your people died during that raid that I did not care about? I’ll be brutally honest: I didn’t care about it at all during the event. I do now but the caring is an afterthought.”

 

Crim, miraculously, didn’t pull back. “Many sith died in that. Not as many as what Zakuul killed, but it was many. However, I did look into your records when we first met, Theron. You have done good work for the Republic in ways that have helped the Empire’s people. For example, I am glad you helped pull a part some of the Sith Empire’s slave rings. A barbaric practice my people should end.”

 

I looked at him. My breathing was steady though my eyes betrayed that I was filled with a bit of joy at hearing this. “You’re happy about that? I thought slavery was a sith thing?”

 

Crim nods and kisses the side of my head where my implants are. “It is a practice I observe, not endorse. My parents had slaves and I hated it, and this went on for years- long before intelligence enslaved me with their brainwashing. We are a wealthy faction, or at least we were, there is no reason every one of our people cannot work for a fair wage!”

 

“Are you also happy that I was responsible for the death of a Darth Mekhis, planned the destruction of a key area of your people’s home world, and ended up slicing much of the Empire’s records?”

 

Crim blinked, expression unchanging. “Are you too upset with me that I imprisoned 3 SIS agents on Ziost,” and I completed his sentence: “And helped get Havoc Squad to defect? Not particularly.”

 

“How in the hell did you find out that was me?” He pulled back to look me in the eye.

 

I shifted a little in the chair. “I may have used my SIS powers to look you up after we first met.”

“So I was right- You did have a little crush on me."

 

Crim chuckled as I blushed and looked away shyly. “Since you just admitted to looking me up, I advise against complaining.”

 

“It seems we have interesting ways of getting to know each other. Next time I think I will just take you out for dinner.”*

 

“Dinner sounds nice... And to put it bluntly, who wouldn’t have a crush on you, Crim? I’m amazed you do not have hoards of men and women trying to grab at you. Look at you! Your muscles, your hair, your eyes…”

 

“My scars?”

 

“I think scars bring out your best features. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get them?”

 

Crim was silent for so long, I feared I had touched a nerve. Again. When he did speak, I was not quite prepared for the answer: “The scars on my face are from the one time my father gave me lashes. The ones on my chest are puncture wounds and electricity burns from my mother and father. They gave them to me as part of strength training: It was to instill anger and hate in me so I would become a powerful Sith.”

 

I looked down at him as he spoke. I wanted to see the scars he was describing so I pushed away the fabric of one of his leather jackets. It was rather easy to do since the jacket was open already, with his chest was exposed. My fingers gently ran along the scars underneath the fabric. He shivered a little bit under my touch and some of his skin almost pushed against my fingertips.

 

“Are your parents still alive?”

 

Crim answered quickly, “I thought I told you this on Yavin- I don’t know and I don’t care. I ran a way at fifteen, and got adopted by aunt and uncle on my father’s side; I will never go back voluntarily. All I can say is all their attempts to map out my destiny failed; I was made to be different I think. Anyway, some of the newer scars are a result of being treated for carbon poisoning.”

 

I smiled, my fingers still moving across his skin. Crim looked in my eye. “Still like what you see?”

 

“Of course I do. Then again, does it matter if I do? You seem to have no problem showing your best bits off.”

 

“Well there are strangers and then there is you.”

 

 

Crim then lifted his head up so our foreheads were touching. My hand continued to move around his scars. He closed his eyes, clearly liking the touch. “Do you have any idea how much I had to resist kissing the kriffing daylight out of you when I first saw you on Odessen?” he asked.

 

“I have some idea as a part of me wanted you to do it. But I wasn’t sure if you remembered me, was angry with me, or if you were going through enough as is.”* I looked away and went back to when I first saw Crim again after so many years. “The truth is I looked for you, Crimsèn. I looked for you for the first two years you were in carbonite. I had to find you; needed to find you.”

 

“I was going to look for you, akise.” Crim voice was low and full of regret. “I found you just as I got the call to go to Darth Marr’s ship. I was so afraid you died on Ziost, even though I remember you taking the Jedi Master away. I do not know why I am telling you this; I thought you should know.”

 

I closed the distance so our lips could meet. Mine were firm, but his were a bit gentle. I could feel his heart pounding against mine.* I could feel his breath against my skin when we broke a part. “Marr’s ship was the last time I felt any good contact from a person. When I got out of the carbonite I would have done anything for a hug, I missed it so much. I missed you so much.”

 

“And yet there I was holding back as the good professional. And when we became officially lovers I was still being shy...”

 

Crim rubbed my neck. “I understood why you were shy. New relationships shouldn't always be jumped into. I was just happy to find someone to love after being nothing but duty and war since Marr's ship.”

 

“What happened on his ship?”

 

“He summoned me and HK-51 because the Emperor had been found. I told HK-51 to stay in my ship. Then I went to the bridge and spoke with Marr. Then the attack happened. Everything happened so fast, I told HK to flee into hyperspace. Then Marr and I met and tried to salvage but it was too late. I told everyone to get to the escape pods. Then my world went black. I woke up to be on Arcann’s ship. That was a long trip to see the Emperor. Marr was there. He died refusing to kneel before Valkorian. I refused to kneel before him as well. I was ready to accept my fate. But then Arcann cut my binders and then attacked his father. I shot him in the chest the first moment I got.”

 

“And that was the convenient excuse Arcann needed to attack the Empire,” I thought out loud Crim’s words. So he did kill Vitiate’s latest reincarnation? But not without help, a convenient piece of info Arcann forgot to mention.

 

“If that was all it took to lead to all this chaos,” Crim muttered into my thoughts, “I think I would have revised my actions. After all you could’ve died in the assault and I would have awakened to having no one.”

 

I pulled Crim to my lips when he said that. His jacket dropped to the floor as my fingers ran along his chest and arms.

 

I looked at him firmly. “Don't think like that, okay? I would have taken the shot if I was in your position that day. Besides, Zakuul was coming with or without your help. Arcann would have found an alternative to seize the throne. What is important now is you have someone, and he’s right here. Not going anywhere. And I will guide you to victory like I guided you through the Star Fortresses.”

 

“Can I touch you?”

 

I smile and toss my jacket and shirt on another chair. Crim ran his fingers along my skin, around my implants. He looked at them with curiosity. “Where did you get them?”

 

“From the SIS. They implanted them in me to ensure I’d be fit to do some of the most dangerous of missions. They secrete pain killers into my body when I get injured, and they sometimes pick up radio frequencies. You DON’T want to know more about the radio frequencies than… that…”

 

My words slowed and Crim’s lips moved from close to mine to along my skin. “Love,” I whisper, “careful. We shouldn’t wake up Miot.”

 

“But I need you," he trembled, "however, if you do not want, I will cease.”

 

“Who said I didn't want to? Just careful. I don’t want poor Miot to get a heart attack upon catching us.” Crim giggled and went back to tasting me.

 

I quickly stopped caring if Miot, Lana, or even Arcann himself walked in on us.

 

Author's Note: The time in between blowing up Star Fortresses was inspirational! Of course after I wrote the story, I did one and realized the ship is tiny! Tiny enough that there is no co-pilot chair. But I decided... "Meh! Creative license didn't kill anyone." I hope I represented Theron, and gave him a bit of a tender side. I was going to make this from Crim's POV, but then I realized if it's a chapter learning more about Crim, and them getting closer, then Theron should take the reigns. It was fun to write.

Edited January 24, 2017 by vadess
getting rid of the stars that appear

I thought Theron's POV worked out very well and it did show a certain tenderness between him and Crimsen as well as the struggle Crimsen's gone through. I also liked how you worked Cipher 9 and the brain washing into the story, very creative.

I thought Theron's POV worked out very well and it did show a certain tenderness between him and Crimsen as well as the struggle Crimsen's gone through. I also liked how you worked Cipher 9 and the brain washing into the story, very creative.

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Yeah, I liked that chapter in the agent storyline so well, I wanted to include it in Crim's story without doing copy/paste. In Crim's back story, he got the mind control because many force-less purebloods joined intelligence along with him, but the only way the Dark Council permitted it to continue was if they got the Castellan Mind control. That way if their loyalty to family line or a rogue Darth > loyalty to intelligence and the Empire, Keeper could just use their keyword instead of executing a perfectly fine agent.

 

 

 

 

A tall, muscular sith pureblood *walks up to a cathar standing with his bodyguards in the Lower Promenade area of Nar Shaddaa. The contact's name is Otheros. Otheros is a tall cathar, with jet back hair as a main that covers the back of his head completely. His face is covered with gray fur and some mildly reddish hair.

 

The pureblood decided to use one of his 'party outfits' today: He is wearing a shiny body suit that is cut open in discreet areas the sides of his waist, and cuts down his right and left thighs. He ensures his body language is casual; no need to attract attention to this 'business' meeting. He raises his voice to Otheros slightly so he could be heard above the music: "You took out a contract?"

 

The cathar turns to the sith and nods. "Yes, that's me- Otheros, owner of the Haven's Blaze casino."

 

The sith offers a hand that the cathar shakes. "Crimsèn. Tell me about this target you've placed a bounty on."

 

Otheros frowns and shakes his hands in frustration: "I'm concerned about the 'debt facilitators' hired by the Lucky Runner casino. They're nothing more than gangsters. Street scum- like their boss."

 

He shakes his head in frustration and continues, "I'm tired of people thinking we're all criminals. The Haven's Blaze is a legitimate establishment; what's more, these thugs are killing our potential customers!"

 

Crimsèn crosses his arms and shrugs. "Sounds like you're looking to eliminate the competition, if you ask me."

 

Otheros steps forward, his arms spread out as he leans closer to the agent. "Competition only makes we work harder. I welcome competition. This is entirely different."

 

Otheros hands Cipher 8 a small datapad with intel. "I've taken the liberty of compiling a list of the places one might find these brutes," the cathar says as the Cipher scans the contents, "nowhere respectable, to be certain."

 

Otheros turns around and says in a huff voice, "Now, please excuse me; I'm quite busy," and heads back into the crowds.

 

Crimsèn heads down the stairs and towards the Slippery Slopes cantina. He walks up to *a man with brown, spiked hair with a black leather jacket. He wraps his arms around the man and whispers, "Ready, Theron?"

 

"Always. Though is this necessary?" He turns in Crim's arms and shakes his head. "I know we need the cash, but becoming bounty hunters?"

 

The Cipher smiles and rubs Theron's back. "Don't worry, I'll do the bounty hunting. You just go ask questions, get information."

 

Theron nods as they head to the exit. "I know, I know, pretend to be the spy again." He gets on the back of the speeder bike they brought. "So, where to first?"

 

"The one place on Nar Shaddaa where everyone is dying to gossip about anyone- Star Cluster Casino."

 

When they reach the casino, the pair split up to cover more ground. The Cipher politely joins a crowd and sees a rather handsome gentlemen that keeps to himself. He summons a serving droid as he casually walks to the man, and gets him a drink. He bows slightly before the person he is being a benefactor to. "Up for a friendly chat?"

 

The man grins and takes the drink. "For a handsome sith such as yourself? Much appreciated. I will tell you what I can."

 

Crim grins and pulls out a small datapad. As the two are conversing, Theron finds a character who is keeping to herself. He looks at her and says quietly, "Hey- This one's on me. I just want to ask you some questions..."

 

She nods with a smile. "Now, that's how a gentlemen asks for information. Have a seat."

 

Theron sits close to her and they whisper the conversation. After a few minutes, the Cipher agent moves on. The next few potential speakers are either rude, or ignore him completely. And his senses get a bit rattled after a minor brawl breaks out. Frustrated, he walks up to another one and whispers in a rough voice: "You will talk."

 

She looks at him with a shock and waves a hand, summoning a couple of giant body guards. She shouts, "Think you can push me around? Got another thing coming!"

 

Crim grumbles as one of the bodyguards grabs him from behind. But the Crim is stronger, and a couple of punches later two body guards are knocked out at his feet. Theron runs over, shouting, "No time like the present!" and punches her out. She drops a datapad. Crim grabs it and reads as Theron walks up and kneels in front of his lover.

 

"You alright," he asks with a pant.

 

Crim nods. "Got a bleeding lip but beyond that I am alright."

 

"Next time, sexy, don't tick off the locals," Theron says while dabbing at his lover's lips.

 

Crim smirks and states, "I think we have enough information to move against the target. Shall we?"

 

Theron nods and they head off into the crowd. "We can head out tomorrow."

 

 

#

 

Crim walks into his new home on Nar Shaddaa after Theron parks their speeder: A bounty is done, and more money is in the bank. They will need it when the Alliance runs low on supplies again. *Theron pulls Crim close to him. "Let's make tonight about us, and not about the galaxy?"

 

Crim looks down with a raised eye ridge. "Bounty hunting turn you on?"

Theron smirks and runs a hand down Crim's exposed chest. "You turn me on. And you are better company than Firebrand..."

 

"I should have shot her the moment we were reuinted."

 

"You can shoot her later; now we need all the allies we can get." Theron pecks Crim's cheek and walks ahead, "I'll contact Lana to assure we are not lost, and then meet in our little apartment. Then clothing will be optional."

 

Crim nods with a wave and enters the room. Theron should be a few minutes, yes? A few minutes is all he needs to pretty himself up. In their apartment is one bedroom, and it has a couple of warddrobes and a full body-size mirror. Crim rummages through one of his wardroves and pulls out a small, round container. *He looks up to listen, and smiles when he does not hear footsteps approach the door. Good- Crim wants this to remain secret. He is a spy, gay, and a man who wears makeup. He doesn't care if people know about his sexuality, but he will never talk about his grooming habits.

 

That would be too much for the galaxy to handle.

 

Crim opens the container and pulls out the item contents: Some mascara, lipstick, foundation, *creams, and various eyeliners. For the record, Crim is not a woman in a man's body, though he has nothing against women who are; however, since around age 13 he loves the moments where he can put on make up. A desire he can go months, years without giving into only to find himself applying and re-applying make up for hours unend. He mutters, "You'd think I would accept this about myself by now," as he pulls out the eyeliner and starts working. "Unfortunate the galaxy *is still rigid in gender roles. No one is allowed to cross the line. Yet here I am, crossing it."

 

"Hmmm..." he says to himself as he examines his eye-linered eyes, "It has been too long, yes? If I had more time I would *bring you out more, and then some."

 

He grins when foundation comes into his hands. The grin gets deeper as he sees his skin slowly darkens into a deeper red. He decides to put in contacts so his eyes would be a deep red, instead of their usual silver.

 

His hands then shyly dance along the "altar" of makeup and other items. "What next... " he muses. He decides to pick up another eyeliner to draw around his ridges and mouth. He smiled as he *watched his face slowly transform. He then opened up his armor so he could more easily *get the grooves on his neck, and soon they stood out. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. *You are looking beautiful today, Crim."

 

His grin gets wider as the grooves on his nose stand out as much as his neck do. His *grin is toothy, and his eyes are bright when he sees himself looking back through the *mirror. "So sexy, Big Red, and so... Yes, my beauties, you do not get out to play with *my skin very often."

 

He looks down. It's hard to imagine after coming to accept oneself after 33 years, he *still feels some shame at putting make up on. A simple means to help improve one's *looks, and had such rigid rules in terms of who can and cannot use them: Represents his inner self acceptance and inner shame at who he ended up being. *He frowned for the first time since he began. "Pathetic isn't it, my pretties? I am more ashamed of you than dancing nearly-naked on a table after a night of drinking."

 

The makeup offers neither comfort nor answers. They just sit silently as Crim washes his face off and applies more in a different way. He repeats the ritual a few more times, each enhancing different aspects of his face. Finally he settles on an arrangement closer to the first way he prettied himself, and runs a claw along the 3 lipstick brands he has. "Which one will prefect my look?" He always saves the lipstick for last. Lipstick is the perfect finishing touch after picking out a *new shirt or doing something to change his outfit. Speaking of outfit, he has not picked one yet!

 

He rushes to his warddrobes and picks out a different kind of armor- Chest plate but *no arms? Nope. He tosses it on the floor. The shiny outfit? He's worn it all day! His leather jacket? Perhaps... Jetblack leather jacket and very tight, shiny pants. He tries them with shiny new pair of black boots *"Sexy, Crimsèn, sexy. I do believe I have the outfit." He walks over to where the make up and picks up the lipstick. "And now for the *finishing touch."

 

"What finishing touch?"

 

Crim freezes. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. The voice of Theron Shan speaks, "Are you... Is that makeup?"

 

Crim slowly turns around, *lipstick dropping from his hands. Wide sith eyes meet wide human eyes. *"It is makeup," Theron answers his own question. Crim's eyes dart between Theron and the lipstick. Come on, Crim, he thought to himself, say something! Two minutes that feel like two decades pass and Crim finds his voice. "I... I... Uh... Well... you see... I can explain!"

 

Theron walked up slowly to where the make up supplies were in front of Crim. He looked *between them and Crim, and slowly a smile crept across his face, and a chuckle leaves his lips. "So that's where you *sneak off to some nights- shopping for eyeliner, foundation, and how may lipstick brands do you need?"

 

"I..." Crim is still stunned. He is more speechless than when he was frozen in the *carbonite. He looks down and mumbles, "I'm not becoming a woman."

 

Theron looked up, confusion on his face. "Who said you *were?"

 

Crim's words come out quickly: "I am not beocming a a woman - nothing against transwomen - I just want to wear make up. It looks good on me... Brings out my eyes and ridges... It also helps cover up a lot of my scars. So why should I not wear make up. Please don't hate me for this.... I'm a man through and through and have nothing against transwomen I just have always..."

 

"Love," Theron says in a low and soft voice, "take a breath. You're starting to talk in circles."

 

Crim takes a few breaths. "I... You.. We... Are you... Angry with me? Do you wish to break up with me? Do you hate me?"

 

"Why would I be mad?" Theron shakes his head. "Surprised? Yes. Mad? No. You wearing make up is hardly a good enough reason for me to hate you, nevermind break up with you... Why do you think it is?"

 

"Well, not everyday you find out your boyfriend is... a... a crossdresser. It's shameful, isn't it?"

 

"Now don't talk like that Crim. Why is it shameful you wear makeup? It's not like you applied it incorrectly. If anything," he takes a step back and looks Crim over, "I'd say it brings out your best features."

 

Crim looks away with eyes so downcast Theron feared they might fall out. "Up until I *was 15 I lived in a house with *very* rigid rules regarding sexuality and gender *roles. In so many ways I have freed myself from most of it. But... this one little piece was *always a sore spot."

 

Theron reaches down and picks up the lipstick, takes Crim's hand puts it in it. "Love, *I love you. Make up and all. So, please finish the look."

 

Crim looks up, eyes widened. He was afraid to breath, he was so unsure of what to do. *Theron sighed- This was not going to be easy. Theron slowly pried the lipstick away *and opened it. "So do you have to... Wait, why such a light red? Your skin is tanned *now, isn't it?"

 

Crim nodded. His voice and movements were slow and quiet: "They- I mean it is, yes. *Why?"

 

Theron set it down and picked up a darker shade of lipstick and asked tentatively, *"Could you open your mouth?"

 

Crim opened his mouth wide with a small nod. Theron opened the lipstick and slowly *worked it around Crim's lips. Although Theron had no force awareness, he could tell *Crim was still in shock from being caught and Theron's response. Is he expecting me *to dump him? Beat him? Gods what kind of house was he raised in?! Not that I should talk. Narrow minds are born daily. Theron steps back and the man he's fallen in love with. His eyes do not leave Crim's face as Crim turns around and faces himself in the mirror. "I like it. I like it."

 

Theron quietly wraps arms around Crim's waist. "Yet, you still feel shame in wearing it don't you?"

 

Crim nods, glances at Theron out of the corner of his eyes hidden by hair. Theron smiles. "Well don't. I am not ashamed of it. If anything, I admire you more for it!"

 

Finally, Theron saw tension leave Crim's shoulders and back. "Right. Right. It's not a *problem. Not a problem at all."

 

Theron leaned up and whispered into Crim's ear: "There is a problem- You're fully dressed in a clothing-optional party. That cannot continue."

 

Crim turns around in Theron's arms and gives him a deep kiss. "Apologies," Crim whispered back, voice drenched in desire, "I will make it up to you."

 

Theron could not have asked for a better evening.

 

Author's Note Continued: That's right, inspired by bounty week! Figured the Alliance had to do more than wait for Vette and Gault to show up before getting a lot of cash. Hope you all enjoy it.

 

Ftr, Crim is not a transwoman. He is simply in touch with some more 'feminine' aspects. If this was a story about daily life, he'd run into a mall to de-stress.

 

Part 1

 

I drink up the last of my bloodwine while in the cantina. "So, that's how I convinced Havoc Squad's old leader to defect. Pity it's new commander took care of them one by one. They did good with the Empire."

 

Nico Okarr lifts his drink to me with a smile. It is then my holocomm goes off. I check it and its Scorpio. "Can you not see I'm busy?"

 

"I will assume you did not use such language with me. I require your attention; do not tarry." She then cuts the call.

 

I look at my new companion who simply nods. "I shall be back, Nico, as soon as my mother is finished."

 

He laughs as I get up in head out. I do not bother changing out of my purple, shiny outfit. Of course, when I get there I encounter another confrontation in this "alliance" between Empire, Hutts, and Republic. Again.

Theron greets me with a smile, of course. "Good. You're here."

 

Scorpio speaks with a tone equivalent to an organic rolling their eyes: "Astue observation, Agent Shan. It is a wonder the SIS could get by without your deductive reasoning."

 

I am about to interject when Theron responds in an equally mature way: "You're a droid that's gotten too big for her own bolts. How's that for an astute observation?"

 

I sigh and place my right palm over my eyes. I know Scorpio is difficult to work with, but I expect my lover to have a thicker skin than this. Lana shouts in agreement with my silent words: "Five minutes. Can we please go five minutes without you two at each other's throats?"

 

"SCORPIO," I raise my voice, "don't be rude. And Theron, akise, you know better than to give into her taunts." And I thought I knew better than to try and babysit five year-olds in adult bodies, but such is life on Odessen.

Come to think of it, the list of children in adult bodies is growing these days: Koth and Senya either fighting, or giving each other dirty looks; Theron and Scorpio fighting; Kaliyo proving she's too much of a liability the Alliance has no choice but to keep; and of course Jorgan and Aygo reminding the troops what life in the military is like.

 

"Sorry," Theron answers, "stress got the better of me."

 

They continue to talk and I hear some of the good news. However, something inside just cracks. *Stress?! Stress?! I've spent the last five years frozen in a box! Not to mention all the chaos after getting out of carbonite and learning Valkorian is in my head. He should have a five year slumber, wake up to find out the fate of the galaxy depends on him being the hero, and then come talk to me about stress!*I cannot think straight anymore: Commander, mediator, babysitter, strength, and saviour is a lot to expect of one person. But of course just expect the Outlander to do it all while you so called ‘adults’ barely try.

"Get yourself another Commander," I say flatly to very stunned faces, "as I am done. Find another hero/babysitter for the kids!"

 

I turn around and storm out of the War Room. My marching picks up into running when I hit Odessen's grouds. I run and run and run through Odessen's forests. I could barely hear Lana and Theron shouting after me. I firmly slammed out Valkorian's laugh and pain of landing on the ground. I ran, ran, ran, ran...

 

Finally, I collapsed at the waterfall. A waterfall. I don't know where I am. For once I'm alone, and free of all the noise, and all the burdens. I let out a roar, and then another and another. The echoes past over my skin and through the trees. The cold water made me shiver.

 

“Five years,” I whisper, “I have lost five years of my life. And in that time these people have lost their maturity, and expect me to make up for it! I have to be the mature, strong one after having my life stolen. Who's being mature and strong for me? Certainly neither my inner circle nor lover."

 

I kick a rock towards the water with a shout when I realise the untruth of my words about my akise. He gave up everything for the alliance, including his place in the Republic. I should not be so angry with him, yet I am. *If anything, I should be angry at people like Scorpio and Koth for always picking fights! Or perhaps Arcann or....

 

“The infamous Cipher 8 finds himself wallowing in self-pity? I thought you transcended such things.”

 

I whirl around to the glowing figure. “Go away, Valkorian! I don't need your condescending remarks!”

 

“Crimsèn!” I hear a shout as Valkorian grins at me smugly. Next to him appears my biological father. “Don't bother with my kitégos waste of a son- He's worthless!” I hate those men.

 

Keeper appears. The balding former head of intelligence, and the man who tried to rule my mind. Keeper crosses his arms: “You reprogrammed yourself, yet motivating these people is beyond you.”

 

I want to kill this man, these men! I'll kill them all again like I did five years ago. “Crimsèn! Akise! I'm sorry!”

 

I lunge at the three figures only to pummel into Theron. * I feel his heart and clothes underneath me and I my chest tightens.

 

His arms come around me though no comfort gets through to my breath. I stand up and look around to empty space. Yet their voices still ring in my ears: “It’s only natural for a son to want to surpass his father...” “And a Cipher his Keeper...” “Yet a commander is so easily crushed underneath the pathetic who demand he saves them.”

 

“Crimsèn? Crimsèn?! Akise??!!!!! Can you hear me?!” I look anywhere and everywhere but Theron.

 

I shake my head. “I'm expected to be the commander, saviour, Keeper, watcher, janitor, and babysitter. I've lost five years, my family, my crew, my job. Yet all anyone to think about is what they can get out of the Outlander!”

 

I look to the man who I do love, and he steps back. “At the end of the day, I'm just a man. When I strip off the titles, expectations, and hopes off I'm a man. Like I said in my speech, I know about loss. However, so many of you behave as if I lost nothing in this last half decade. Who’s my Outlander, Theron?”

 

“You don't need one. It's time to transcend need.” “You are Cipher 8. Ciphers don't need people, they need information.” “Yes, my son, give into your anger and despair. Make them pay.”

 

Theron doesn't answer me. The Technoplague who always knows what to say is silent. Good. I cannot stand the noise they make, never mind another feel good pep talk to ensure I do what they want. “Theron... Find another Outlander you and Lana can manipulate into leading this farce of an Alliance. I'm going home.”

 

I then run through the forest until I come to the Phantom, and I fly away. I don't hear Theron shouting after me. I do not respond to Lana's messages. I just shut them all out. Eventually I get clearance to land on Korriban. My adopted mother and father are alive! Celebrating my return, no arguments, and feasting were the agenda for that night. My bed in my room is so welcoming. It's cold without Theron, but it's quiet. Ironic the world I go to for peace and quiet is the planet where peace is a lie and ghosts always whisper.

 

The ghosts haunted someone instead of me for once.

Part 2: Meet Ratsoi/Caedusios

 

It is a new day. I stand out in the hill behind my family’s estate. They are a good people and no one disturbs me while I head out. I look over and see Korriban’s sun begin to rise. Even a planet drenched in darkness still allows for some light. Odessen is neutral, yet I do not know what the sun looks like there. How can I? All I see there are my work as the Outlander.

 

Outlander. A foreign name on Korriban. Here I am home. I bare the red skin and markings of a pureblood sith. Force or not, training or not, I do belong here. I can feel it in spite of everything that has happened. Of course, I did live here in between leaving my biological parents and joining Intelligence.

 

I hear movements and look- I cannot stop a tear from sliding down my face- My brother is alive! *A red sith *my height, with slightly darker skin, joins me. His eyes are silver, and his face has more tendrils. He closes the distance and embraces me. “I was afraid you were lost.”

 

“Ratsoi… I almost was. But I am home now.”

 

He shakes his head. “Ratsoi is who you left behind. I am Darth Caedusios now. I am the new Dark Council member who oversees the sphere of ancient knowledge. I was one of the few who survived the war.”

 

The war. I sob a little. “Do you know my new title now?”

“The Outlander. I heard whispers but nothing concrete. I did not want to get my hopes up. Why did you wait months to make contact?”

 

“A valid question.” I look out to towards the sun that is peeking above the horizon and sigh. <It was not good. I was on the run from Arcann, and being thrown into the beginnings of an alliance built to oppose him. I was made its commander;> I explain in the Sith language. <And now I am here.>

 

<Now you are here. A lone and different. I can sense darkness in you Crim, and I could hear you in your sleep last night.>

 

I focus on the sun though my eyes would prefer looking to the ground. What can I say? The truth? I am getting good at telling the truth. It’s hard to tell the truth after being in Intelligence for so long. Never mind, lying around people who would turn me over to Arcann and to those in the Alliance who expect their leader to have it all together.

 

<Our former Emperor lives inside my head. I cannot get him out, brolin. I see and hear our aunt and uncle, my biological parents.>

 

Caedusios doesn’t move. In fact, I think this is the first time he and I have allowed for any intimate contact. It is quite… nice. I did not know such distance could do that between brothers. <You carry quite a burden, brolin. Not even the Empress would be able to stand underneath it. Are you here to recruit your family to this alliance?>

 

I shake my head. "I came here to escape. I could not stand being around those people anymore. Since I got free of carbonite, it has been expectation after fight after expectation after fight after tantrum. They neither stop to think they should pretend to be adults, nor not add one more thing on their savior's shoulders."

 

Caedusios and I lock gazes. <This is the one downside to leadership, brolin: People forget the person at the top is just a man or a woman at the end of the day. From a leader of the Sith to a leader of an alliance, I feel as you do.>

 

"I can only imagine! What have you had to rebuild from scratch?"*

 

<Everything.> Caedusios lets out a growling sigh. <The academy was rebuilt a couple of years ago. We had to cut our losses in terms of how many tombs the initial invasion destroyed. With Darth Nox and other council members either killed or missing, I have been forced to take a seat on the Dark Council. Father was going to but I am sure you saw him last night: He and mother are tired. Tired of the war, tired of losing their family, and tired of having to contend with our aunt and uncle.>

 

<So you are a part of our Empress’ inner staff? That on top of rebuilding and being crowned a Darth? That is quite a resume Caedusios. I won’t add to it by recruiting you. I don’t want to put anyone into that giant mess.>

 

<Are you saying he is talking to me?>

 

Caedusios nods. <Our former emperor’s death was felt through the Force shortly after Marr’s death. I’m sure the aftermath sent ricochets across the Force, and may have rekindled your once lost connection to it.>

I growl and clench my fists. The Force was stripped away at 15. How dare it come back! <First Zakuul steals five *years of my life, then their former head of state invades my mind, and now I learn the lasting result is the return of my Force awareness in enough capacity that my biological parents have found me! I should not even be here.>

 

<Relax, Crim,> Caedusios cautions me, <mother and father outrank those two. I outrank those two. They will not come here to find you. If anything, I doubt they care what happens to you beyond a new Sith in the Empress’ court.>

 

<They will want me dead as soon as they figure out who I love. He's neither a red Sith, nor a woman.>

 

<So you have found someone in spite of all this?>

 

I nod, though I feel my temperature rise. <He’s Theron Shan, one of Darth Revan’s descendants. I love him but…>

 

<He is making life more difficult for you than it has to be? Probably because he’s as stressed as you are but without the expectation he has to hold it in and get through it?>

<How did you…?>

 

<Now you know the tukata dung I’ve had to go through in order to rebuild ancient knowledge back into some kind of functioning department! Believe me, it is lonely and a ticking stress detonator at the top. Even with a significant other.>

 

<What do I do? I do not want to go back, but I cannot just sit here and let Arcann win.>

 

"I think you know the answer to it but are fighting against it; hence why I will tell it back to you. You need to weigh the cost of each area of the alliance and think: Who is doing a good job, who you need to whip back into shape, and who you need to cut ties with. You might be the Commander, and the hope for the galaxy, but that does not excuse them from not helping hold it together. Otherwise, the cracks will rupture and the Alliance will only be a pleasant thought in the end."

Part 3: Unwanted Force

 

I can use the Force again.

 

Everything is irrelevant now. I can use the Force again, and now people want to kill me. Why? Because I am gay and they do not approve of it. Worst of all, I became an agent instead of a juggernaut. My biological parents will find me and will kill me.

 

This is a gross miscalculation on my part. I do not want the Force, never mind to be back in touch with my biological parents. I should not even be on Korriban. I should flee right now. I should get back to Odessen and find a way to remove this plague from me.

 

What are these files? I thought I assigned them to Lord Andrea on Alderaan...

 

I get up from where I am sitting in Caedusios library and approach the woman here. She looks up. "Yes, Master Crimsèn?"

 

"Could you talk quieter? I am trying to... research something."

 

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "Apologies, sir, but I was not speaking."

 

"You weren't?" I take a step back. "I could have sworn... Apologies."

 

I go back and sit, and turn on the computer. Where can I flee to that has no words of Alliances and Zakuul? Darth Caedusios did mention Crimsèn has been under much stress...

 

I turn around. She is still just at her computer. But I heard her voice...

 

While I believe peace is a lie, my brother's voice then speaks, there are more to my passions than anger and hate...

 

I enter in locations: Nar Shaddaa is free with no Star Fortress; Alderaan is free as well, but it could be under Republic control. Does factional occupation matter? I've hid amongst the enemy before, I can do again...

My son is alive? I get up and look around again. After all these years, I assumed he was dead. Instead Teisbye and Lauske hid him...

"Father?"

 

Lord Flomba enters the library and approaches me. "Darth Lauske had to head to Dromund Kaas on business, Crimsèn"

 

His mouth is closed but I hear his voice: Lauske forgot to tell you?

 

I frown at him and state simply: "Get out of my head, Sith!"

 

Flomba steps back. "I am not in your head, Master. Why would I invade your..."

 

I should summon the Master...

 

"Then why are you threatening to summon Caedusios?"

 

He shakes his head and walks away. I go back to my computer terminal and contemplate the conversations: They were not speaking, were they? Why would Flomba invade my mind? Why can I hear my biological father so clearly. I need a break, so I slowly get up and leave. Where is he going? I am calling Caedusios.

 

I am just getting away from your thoughts, librarian. No worries, how could Cipher 8 go completely mad? Should he not be used to hidden words coming from all angles?

I cannot believe, I hear a new voice shout through as I enter into the kitchen, they thought making sauce out of a can would be sufficient for lunch! Tukata meat deserves the best, homemade sauce we can create!

 

I smile- Pieha hasn't changed one ounce since I have been away. Yet, my ears are not hearing his voice but my own mind. It does not help as I continue to walk:

 

My son hidden from me for eighteen years! I will ensure Darth Lauske and Darth Teisybe pay...

That book is missing, who was the last person to borrow it?

Lord Andrea is behind on her work again...

Passions grant me victory...

Talking is your greatest talent. It is time you were taught when to listen.

 

I whirl and shout to whoever was in the hallway: "SILENCE!!!! Get out of my mind all of you!!!!"

 

Everyone stares at me with widened eyes.

 

He is crazy...

Darth Caedusios, get out here.

 

I reach to defend myself from the hand on my shoulder, though his other one grabs the knife. Caedusios widens his eyes at me and then at the knife. He states calmly, "Crimsèn, you are home on Korriban. Among friends and family, not foes."

 

"Then why can I hear them even when they are not talking?"

 

Caedusios raises a brow and I feel something come out from him and try to enter my mind. I whisper, "Get out of my head."

 

"You can sense me trying?" Caedusios looks me up and down and then releases my arms. "Crimsèn, you have a message from someone named Theron Shan...? Who is this?"

 

I don't answer. I just back up walk from Caedusios and head to my room quickly. I try to fight through the voices. Theron's message:

"Crimsèn,

I am horrible at this but I have to try. Come back to Odessen, please? Nights without you are cold, and lonely. I left Odessen to find you, but I am running out of ideas. Please tell me where you are?

 

Love, Theron"

 

I write back to him with hands shaking: "I am on my people's homeworld. I would advise against coming for me, but I will wait for you. For a little while."

 

My akise, what I would give to only hear his voice in my head. Instead I am plagued by the shadows' voices, and the past's voices. I bury my head in my hands and try to silence it with no avail. I sigh when I sense a familiar presence. "Caed, I do not want company."

 

Caedusios leviates a chair behind me and sits down. "And you do not want the Force; yet here I am, and here it is. You need to learn control, lest it controls Crimsèn."

 

"I do not want the Force," I spat back. "It's the reason I'm scarred, why my biological mother and father can find me, and it has allowed our Emperor to become corrupt!"

 

My brother places a hand on my shoulder. "Brolin, the Force also enabled you to fight against them. It is why I am able to make this place one of refuge for you, our parents, and the rest of our family. The Force is why you are skilled at languages, and the shadows. It is part of you as a member of the Sith species. You cannot fight it forever."

 

"Oh? I cannot, can I?" I look him directly in the eye. "Then what do you want me to do? Train as a Sith?! I will not become a Sith!"

 

"Crimsèn, look in the mirror and say that again."

 

I glare at him and clench my fists. "I will not be trained to be like them!"

 

"And I would never ask that of you. However, you need to come to the Force somehow otherwise Valkorian, your biological parents, and the voices in your head will consume you. You must rise against it, Crimsèn!"

 

"How? Go register myself at the academy?"

 

Caedusios sighs. "Your sarcasm serves nothing but whatever pride you have in holding the Force dormant inside you for so long. No, the answer is a mysterious one... One I will meditate on. In the meantime, I need you to learn something in order to not go mad and terrify my staff."

 

I look to him expectantly. "Imagine," he began, "you are stealthed in a dark corner of a room surrounded by a thick, steel wall. Slowly but surely, the voices will stop."

 

He leaves and I do as instructed. Slowly the voices become silent and all I hear are audible noises. It is peaceful for a moment, as then I start to shiver. It is a bit lonely. I am alone with only three people: Valkorian, Keeper, and my father somehow get through the thick steel wall into my corner, and through my stealth field.

 

Sleep did not come to me easy that night.

Part 4: Prisoner?

 

 

 

 

 

Warning: Mild sexual content, reader discretion is advised

 

I have been here for a few days. Caedusios continued to teach me how to shield my mind, and some basic meditation so I am centred. The voices from other people do not bother me anymore, and I can decipher what is being said verses what is being thought.

 

And it goes against every molecule, and atom, in my being. Since I was fifteen, the Force was the enemy: It's the oppressor that fuels the Sith, who often become the oppressors, and is inefficient. Discipline, focus, precision, and my own choices drove me from mission to mission as an agent.

 

It figures that I am forced (no pun intended) to sit with this thing in my life. Now I know what Koth and Senya are going through. Yet I do not, because I have zero interest in arguing with the Force at every turn. More like every second or third turn instead.

 

When I am done my meditation, I decide to head to the library. Caedusios says I can use it as a way to test my mental shields. One of our servants, who work for a fair wage, comes to me and bows. “Darth Caedusios requested your assistance in the detention block.”

 

“We have a detention block?” I cannot help but look at him for a couple of minutes. “Since when?”

 

“Since acolytes insisted on trespassing on the fortress grounds four years ago. Your brother wanted to ensure they were deterred.”

 

“Very well then- Where is it?”

 

“Take the turbolift to the third basement floor."

 

I nod and head there with an eye roll. “Wonderful. I leave Odessen because I could not stand the children, and I come home to find myself dealing with prisoners because my Sith Lord brother cannot handle a bunch of teenagers with delusions of grandeur. I left the children to encounter more children. Wonderful.”

 

When I get there I stop at the sound of a voice: “No, I am not here as a spy! Not really. I am here to speak with Cipher 8.”

 

“There is no Cipher 8 here, Technoplague. Only Darth Caedusios and Theron Shan. Now I am going to ask again why you are trespassing?”

 

I enter the room quietly. Theron looks at me from his cage. "Cr-Crimsèn? You're alright..."

 

Caedusios looks at me and then back to him. “He knows your Intelligence designation?”

 

I nod. “Theron is a former SIS agent. We kept tabs on each other over the last seven years or so.”

 

Theron looks down, and scratches the back of his neck. “What can I say? We have strange ways of getting information on people we’re drawn to. You would too if you found yourself attracted to a spy.”

 

“I do not get attracted,” Caedusios crosses his arms and shrugs, “nor do I take chances. If you and Crimsèn are connected I will release you into his custody. But I will not have you wandering the grounds alone.”

 

Caedusios lifts a hand to release the doors and then leaves. Theron and I gaze at one another for a few seconds. Then he embraces me, and my breath comes out quickly. He buries his face in my chest, and muffles, “I’m sorry, I need to be in your arms now.”

 

I return his embrace. "Akise... You found me."

 

"Of course I did. When you... When you left, I couldn't stop pacing in the War Room. You were gone, and all Lana could talk about was the next mission to get at GEMINI. Then Koth and Senya almost got into a fight, and I just left. I chased after you."

 

I hear every word. I reach out and I can sense him. I feel his small, yet bright, presence in the Force. I reach for it and hold it gently with my presence. I feel his arms and his smell his cologne. It's intoxicating- I need more. I move my mouth and press my lips to his. He opens his mouth and our kiss deepens. My hands feel the skin under his shirt, which is different from what he usually wears.

 

"You have a new style..." I comment between kisses. "It is fabulous."

 

Theron smiles. "I thought I'd try this 'retail therapy' you talked about on Nar Shaddaa. Must admit I like it."

 

I smile at him and move to kiss his cheek. I whisper in a hoarse voice, "Theron, I need you. Shall we head to my room."

 

He nods and we practically run to my room. Soon, clothing was shed and I felt his bare skin against mine. Making love after time a part releases the tension from the last few days between the two of us, and shows me what it is like to feel love passionately through the Force. I think I sent it through to Theron, as we climaxed again and again. Each round more emotion filled, and pleasurable than the last. When I fall against his chest and into the pillows, I feel more lightheaded than the last time I woke up from a night of drinking.

 

"I love you, akise," surrounds my mind when he whispers it to me.

 

Theron and I lay in my bed the next morning. Our hands run along each other's body. He looks into my eyes, I look into his. I still cradle his Force presence. I can allow that the Force is being useful for once.

"You're letting your tendrils grow. Your chin and cheeks used to be smooth, now they are getting pointy."

 

I chuckle and flip over on my back so I can pull him over my chest. "I'm growing my tendrils, you come with any clothing but your uniform..."

 

He looks around the room: "Your brother is big. Bigger than you, I think."

 

I chuckle more. "Something I never thought was possible. Yet here we are."

 

He nods and looks around my room, slipping out of my arms a bit. "You have quite the collection of holo-posters on your wall. I'm surprised the men are wearing any clothing, never mind tuxedos."

 

"I have a weakness for suits," I explain while running my fingers through his now messy hair, "though I have many men's swimsuit holozines to provide me more risque images."

 

Theron flips onto his stomach so he can look at me. "Can we talk?"

 

I pull him over my chest. I wait patiently for him gather his words. "So, I have to acknowledge the bantha in the room: Why did you pummel me back on Odessen?"

 

*I answer stoically, "Is this is a lead up to convincing me to return or not."

 

Theron shakes his head. "I'm not even convinced I want to go back."

 

I sigh and look to the ceiling. "Theron...*You looked like someone else on Odessen. I heard voices that weren't yours and I tried to attack them in order to silence them."

 

Theron nods against my chest. "Who was I?"

 

"My father, Valkorian, and Keeper."

 

"I see. You've whispered their names in your sleep last night. There is more to the story, though, as you seemed more passionate than on Yavin IV."

 

"There is more to the story. I can feel the Force again, Theron, and I don't want it."

 

"You- You can feel the Force?" I feel him let out a breath. "How?"

 

"Emperor Valkorian in my head. He somehow reawakened me to the Force without my permission. My brother has been teaching me how to control it, but I am doing this grudgingly. The only positive was feeling you in the Force. It was a small, bright light amidst my little dark corner in my mind."

 

"... So damned if you train even a little, and damned if you don't?"

 

"Yes. I do not want to be a Sith, Theron. I want nothing to do with that philosophy."

 

"And I take it being a Jedi is out of the question?"

 

"Theron, you and I know have seen the results of Jedi philosophy: Your mother has disappeared to kriff knows where, and we couldn't be us thanks to their beliefs on detachment. Worst of all, I would lose not one but two families if I chose to become a Jedi."

 

Theron rests against me. "Yet, you cannot just sit with this power and never learn how to control it."

 

"Indeed... What should I do? What can I do?"

 

I hear a knock at my door. I shout, "Yes?"

 

"Crimsèn, Theron, are you two presentable? I need to have a word..."

 

I look down at ourselves and ask, "Define presentable?"

 

"... As in reasonably covered."

 

"From the waist down..."

 

The door opens and Caedusios walks in. I pull the blankets around Theron and I, though Caedusios seems unmoved. He states simply: "I will be efficient, Crimsèn. I received a vision during my meditations. Your answer is to go to Odessen's wilderness. There the Force will direct your steps."

 

"I don't want it to direct my steps," I answer quietly, "unless it's directing me away from it."

 

"Hey," Theron states simply, "I think you should at least give it a break? Understanding the Force would give you advantage over Arcann and Vaylin. The Force users leading Zakuul?"

 

I sigh. "I... I will allow that you are right, Theron."

 

Caedusios looks between us and states calmly, "Theron... In my vision Crim is alone, but perhaps you should consider going with him?"

 

Theron nods. "Alright, I can do that. We can return in secret later today."

 

"For the record," I say quickly, "I am grudgingly going back there. I quit as the commander because I was tired of working for those children in adult bodies! Not because I wanted to go on a Force retreat."

Cover Image 2

"Want is irrelevant Crim," Caedusios said as he stood up and headed for the door, "as the Force clearly has other plans for you. Believe me, the last thing you want is for it to force the issue."

 

 

"So," Theron looks at me a smiles, "To Odessen?"

 

"I love *you, akise," I answer back and reach out to cradle Theron's small presence in the Force.

Edited February 10, 2017 by vadess

Author's Note: Thought I'd put this after all the chapters to break from the reading.

 

To think I was so close to not re-writing Bioware's story too... Ah well! Chapter 6 was inspired by OOC bleeding into my characters a bit, because I was SO annoyed at the infighting in the alliance. I was like... Did we learn nothing from the Sith Empire's past? Better to fight amongst ourselves instead of pretend to work together? It was pissing me off, and really pissing Crim off. And since if it was up to him, there is a good chance he would've jumped ship a while ago, off he ran into the wilderness and then finally to the Phantom and off to Korriban.

 

Yes, my assassin is a lightside Sith. If anyone remembers Jaesa's storyline, Caedusios (and Crim's adoptive parents) were trained by overseer Emmoridg. It is a struggle for the family since purebloods more easily connect to the darkside over the light side, but they are able to because their passions are different from most Sith: ie passionate about protecting family, ensuring the Empire survives, honor, etc.

 

So that's it . Enjoy the... not-so-light-reading

Oh wow you've added so much, that was quite a read.

 

Very nice introduction of Crim's brother, looks like he's found himself some type of mentor and I think Crimsen's struggle with the Force is very well done. Also glad he reunited with Theron, they seem stronger together.

Oh wow you've added so much, that was quite a read.

 

Very nice introduction of Crim's brother, looks like he's found himself some type of mentor and I think Crimsen's struggle with the Force is very well done. Also glad he reunited with Theron, they seem stronger together.

 

*Bows* Thank you

Finally caught up again. Goodness, a lot going on. Seems Crim and Theron never get a break from being apart then finding each other again, and now Crim's force power is back and he has to deal with that also. I can also understand his wanting to leave the Alliance behind with everyone bickering all the time but if he and Theron can come to some sort of accord between them, it will make things easier on Crim since he will at least be sure he absolutely has one person in his corner. Sort of a sanctuary he can go to when things get to be too much to bear.

Like Misha and Jenny both said, you've been busy! Well done. I loved the latest chapter especially...steamy fun is always good fun. I also enjoyed that you included Theron's line about his implants and the radio frequencies. Nice. ^^

 

Keep it up, looking forward to the next part.

Finally caught up again. Goodness, a lot going on. Seems Crim and Theron never get a break from being apart then finding each other again, and now Crim's force power is back and he has to deal with that also. I can also understand his wanting to leave the Alliance behind with everyone bickering all the time but if he and Theron can come to some sort of accord between them, it will make things easier on Crim since he will at least be sure he absolutely has one person in his corner. Sort of a sanctuary he can go to when things get to be too much to bear.

 

Here's hoping, and with all of the work Crimsèn MIGHT SEE the force as a friend? Yes? No... We will see. I give up predicting Crimsèn

Like Misha and Jenny both said, you've been busy! Well done. I loved the latest chapter especially...steamy fun is always good fun. I also enjoyed that you included Theron's line about his implants and the radio frequencies. Nice. ^^

 

Keep it up, looking forward to the next part.

Thank you!

 

Just so you all know: I posted two chapters! I've I just short enough to permit it being posted in one forum reply.

Thank you!

 

Just so you all know: I posted two chapters! I've I just short enough to permit it being posted in one forum reply.

 

Yes, I know. I've been under the weather most of this week, sorry if my comment seems inadequate.

Yes, I know. I've been under the weather most of this week, sorry if my comment seems inadequate.

 

No! Not inadequate! I'm making sure you all don't miss anything.

No! Not inadequate! I'm making sure you all don't miss anything.

 

Oh good. Whew! Thanks for your thoughtfulness. Looking forward to the next part.

Oh good. Whew! Thanks for your thoughtfulness. Looking forward to the next part.

 

You and I both! THankfully, now that I can replay chapters... I can replay the chapter vital to the next scene