They are just too punishing unless you overgear the hell out of them and I'm sick of things being designed that way.

Except they aren't and they don't require overgearing.

You can do every HM FP in level 50 gear with the possible exception of the czerkas (and even then you can do them in basic comm gear). Source: Myself, because I did it with guildmates.

If you're having problems with HM ops then you might indeed have a gear issue, since they do become a bit harder if you're undergeared, but remember, HM TFB/S&V drops 72s, so they're tuned for people in 69 gear. The requirement to enter is extremely low, especially now because you can buy 72 offpieces with elite comms.

HM DF/DP is meant for people in 72s+ so I could see some people having problems if they have a couple severely undergeared folks. Our alt group (group 3) has some with very little gear and some with more gear (aka every pug where a few people carry the rest), but even we were able to down everything but dread masters/corruptor zero/brontes last week with smart play.

TL;DR This game is actually not that hard if you play halfway competently. OP is either very undergeared, geared improperly with wrong mods/enhancements or there is a PEBKAC issue with either OP or the people OP plays with.