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Want to hear suggestion of TOR fanfic


Slowpokeking

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My setting

1. Theron Shan is Satele and Malgus' child and his force potential was sealed by the Jedi because they were afraid of that.

2. SI(female twilik) captured Theron, learned that his father was a Sith and used him to lure Satele Shan.

3. SW(female pureblood) wanted to challenge Satele in a fair duel to prove her power.

4. BH(female human) was sent by

Darth Tormen

to capture Satele Shan as well,

5. With the help of the SW and BH Satele lost but she made a deal with the 3, she let SW beat her, let BH take

Malgus(he survived but turned mad)

as a prize to report to

Darth Tormen

and gave herself to SI to get her son's freedom.

 

Now SI captured Satele, she tried to humiliate and torture Satele Shan endlessly to turn her like Darth Malak did to Satele's ancestor Bastilla.

 

Any advice of the plot since then?

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My setting

1. Theron Shan is Satele and Malgus' child and his force potential was sealed by the Jedi because they were afraid of that.

2. SI(female twilik) captured Theron, learned that his father was a Sith and used him to lure Satele Shan.

3. SW(female pureblood) wanted to challenge Satele in a fair duel to prove her power.

4. BH(female human) was sent by

Darth Tormen

to capture Satele Shan as well,

5. With the help of the SW and BH Satele lost but she made a deal with the 3, she let SW beat her, let BH take

Malgus(he survived but turned mad)

as a prize to report to

Darth Tormen

and gave herself to SI to get her son's freedom.

 

Now SI captured Satele, she tried to humiliate and torture Satele Shan endlessly to turn her like Darth Malak did to Satele's ancestor Bastilla.

 

Any advice of the plot since then?

...so it's the son of the most unlikely romantic pair in the history of the world as your main character?

 

Oh my gosh.

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...so it's the son of the most unlikely romantic pair in the history of the world as your main character?

 

Oh my gosh.

 

It's not romance, they made a deal about make a powerful child to help Malgus to change the Empire within, abolish those unnecessary atrocities. But Malgus' true goal was to let his son become his powerful right hand/successor and Satele truly wanted to use the child to destroy the Sith.

Edited by Slowpokeking
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In what scenario would they even meet to hatch this plan? Why would she risk creating such a potentially powerful child who could be turned and used against the republic? Why would she think that this child would even make a difference in the conflict? If such a child could make a difference, why not create it with a powerful jedi? Both sides recruit force users. From Malgus's pov, why not do so with a powerful sith? Why give Shan such a weapon to raise as a jedi? These aren't the only powerful force users in the galaxy. The logic doesn't hold together. Beyond that, there's a level of creepy in two people that have such disrespect for each other cold-bloodedly having sex to create such a child that will turn many readers away right from word go.

 

You don't need to create such an extreme and dubious plot to make an interesting story. All you need is to create interesting characters with believable motivations and put then in a situation requiring action with some obstacles, both personal and situational.

Edited by errant_knight
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In what scenario would they even meet to hatch this plan?

 

During the Great Galactic War.

 

Why would she risk creating such a potentially powerful child who could be turned and used against the republic?

 

She believed she could have the child and teach him alone, Jedi are self confident.

 

Why would she think that this child would even make a difference in the conflict? I

 

Jedi believes in heroes and heroes did turn the tide, such as her ancestor Revan, the Exiled and the JK character.

 

If such a child could make a difference, why not create it with a powerful jedi?

 

Because other Jedi would not approve such plan and few of them could match Malgus' strength. Also she wanted to let the child become something like Revan, so a little Dark Side is required as well.

 

Both sides recruit force users. From Malgus's pov, why not do so with a powerful sith?

 

Because he could not find a female sith who could match Satele's strength, and he didn't trust other Sith. Remember his goal was to become the emperor himself and abolish many stuff. He believed Darth Revan's blood would help him.

 

Why give Shan such a weapon to raise as a jedi?

 

He believed he could succeed and he filled the child with the Dark Side of the Force

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I don't think Shan would see any need for dark side. That doesn't seem to be part of her character. I also think that if you explore your reasoning in any depth it falls apart because it's a huge stretch and there are a multitude of easier ways to meet the same goals which I think are also a reach, but you seem to have your mind made up, so.... I'll just say that I've done a lot of writing so I'm not just talking out my arse. This plot has big problems. They also take what is arguably one of the more interesting events in Shan's life and makes it purely political when there are much more interesting posibilities to explore.
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I don't think Shan would see any need for dark side. That doesn't seem to be part of her character. I also think that if you explore your reasoning in any depth it falls apart because it's a huge stretch and there are a multitude of easier ways to meet the same goals which I think are also a reach, but you seem to have your mind made up, so.... I'll just say that I've done a lot of writing so I'm not just talking out my arse. This plot has big problems. They also take what is arguably one of the more interesting events in Shan's life and makes it purely political when there are much more interesting posibilities to explore.

 

Sure I can remove that part but I do think Satele at least share some thoughts with Revan, at least after she met him.

Never played Republic so I'm not sure how did they interact.

Edited by Slowpokeking
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Whoa! You need to play republic, specifically the knight before trying to write anything relating to Shan, or the jedi in general. That's why this feels off. It's a very sith outlook and plan. I don't think it's something a jedi would do at all unless they'd gone dark. I highly recommend putting this aside, playing the knight story, then rethinking your premise. Edited by errant_knight
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Whoa! You need to play republic, specifically the knight before trying to write anything relating to Shan, or the jedi in general. That's why this feels off. It's a very sith outlook and plan. I don't think it's something a jedi would do at all unless they'd gone dark. I highly recommend putting this aside, playing the knight story, then rethinking your premise.

 

Yeah I'm a big fan of the Sith and played all 4 Imperial classes' stories. But I just think as the Grand Master Satele Shan should not be very stubborn, she even accepted Scourge as ally.

Edited by Slowpokeking
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She would never sleep with Malgus even if she was using him?

My main problem right off the bat is the Shan/Malgus pairing. We know who Theron's dad is, and it's not Malgus.

 

The characterization of Satele also seems a bit off. She's somewhat more relaxed than the council in the prequel trilogy, but she's still very much a Light-sider. She's also fairly grounded in reality. I just can't see the time when Satele Shan would decide to have congress with a Sith to destroy the Sith. It would be too dangerous a plan, and incredibly open to failure and even reversal. Worst case scenario would be Malgus and Satele produce an uberkind who then turns to the Sith side and helps wipe out the Republic. I doubt Satele would be willing to risk such an outcome.

 

Another likely outcome would be that the child wouldn't be Force sensitive. We have to assume that Satele knows her family tree. I mean, if people kept talking about my family name, I'd be sure to research it so I knew what they were talking about. So, she'd also know that her bloodline doesn't guarantee Force users and even possibly skips generations. Revan's and Bastila's son was not Force sensitive. Theron Shan is not Force sensitve. For the Shan bloodline, Force sensitivity could be like balding--it skips a generation and is determined by the mother's side of the family.

 

I don't believe Satele would wager the future of the universe on a situation, when the outcome is unfavorable two out of three times.

Edited by JacenHallis
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Yeah I'm a big fan of the Sith and played all 4 Imperial classes' stories. But I just think as the Grand Master Satele Shan should not be very stubborn, she even accepted Scourge as ally.

 

Very grudgingly and against her better judgement. I don't think it's a choice she would make of her own accord. You really need to play jedi to get a handle on them. Right now, I don't think you do. The post above mine is more to the point though.

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The characterization of Satele also seems a bit off. She's somewhat more relaxed than the council in the prequel trilogy, but she's still very much a Light-sider. She's also fairly grounded in reality. I just can't see the time when Satele Shan would decide to have congress with a Sith to destroy the Sith. It would be too dangerous a plan, and incredibly open to failure and even reversal. Worst case scenario would be Malgus and Satele produce an uberkind who then turns to the Sith side and helps wipe out the Republic. I doubt Satele would be willing to risk such an outcome.

 

Well she did accept Lord Scourge as ally to take down the Sith Emperor. It's also quite dangerous since if Scourge betrayed them it would be a mess, just like what Scourge did to her ancestor Revan.

 

Well she had the confidence to take away the child before Malgus could since she is the mother, she could carry the child away.

 

 

Another likely outcome would be that the child wouldn't be Force sensitive. We have to assume that Satele knows her family tree. I mean, if people kept talking about my family name, I'd be sure to research it so I knew what they were talking about. So, she'd also know that her bloodline doesn't guarantee Force users and even possibly skips generations. Revan's and Bastila's son was not Force sensitive. Theron Shan is not Force sensitve. For the Shan bloodline, Force sensitivity could be like balding--it skips a generation and is determined by the mother's side of the family.

 

Then it's just a kid, Malgus would not want such a child and she would bring the child back to raise him as a republic soldier, she would not lose much.

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Very grudgingly and against her better judgement. I don't think it's a choice she would make of her own accord. You really need to play jedi to get a handle on them. Right now, I don't think you do. The post above mine is more to the point though.

 

Well I didn't play Jedi but I did encounter quite a few of them through the Imperial class quests.

 

I think the Jedi in TOR were vicious and could use dirty tricks to manipulate their enemies. You can see that in the Imperial quests,

the Jedi tried to ambush the BH twice and framed him/her with tons of crimes. The former Jedi Master Ardun Kothe used brainwash code on the agent, even himself admitted it was unforgivable. Revan was so crazy, he wanted to wipe out 98% of the Empire's population just because they carried Sith bloodline, that's more horrible than most of the Sith. He was also a master of the Dark Side but the Jedi were still aiding him.

Compare to these Satele's plan was not that dark, or maybe the Republic line showed she was different than those Jedi? But as the Grand Master, shouldn't those Jedi get her permission to do those crimes?

Edited by Slowpokeking
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Well she did accept Lord Scourge as ally to take down the Sith Emperor. It's also quite dangerous since if Scourge betrayed them it would be a mess, just like what Scourge did to her ancestor Revan.

You really do need to make a Jedi Knight and see how the bit with Scourge really plays out. Satele doesn't just accept him. She accepts the Knight's decision to accept him, and she accepts the truth of Scourge's vision from 300 years ago. It's not an easy decision for her or the Council to make.

 

There is a vast difference between the situation and having sex with a low-level Sith lord for some misguided attempt to raise a weapon to destroy her enemy. And, really, that's what you're talking about--a child born not of love (or even some kind of heat-of-the-moment lust), but as part of a military strategy to destroy one's enemy. It's not in her idiom.

 

it also goes against Malgus' character, as well. It wasn't until after the Sacking of Coruscant that he came up with his philosophy of a new Empire. That's covered in Deceived. At the time of the Battle of Alderaan (when this pairing would have to have taken place), Malgus was a staunchly loyal Sith, who fought for king and country (or emperor and empire, as the case may be). After the Sacking, when he was snubbed by Darth Angral in favor of a lower-ranked lord who was a better brown-noser, Malgus did a lot of self-searching, and that's when he decided that he'd need to rebuild the Empire.

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You really do need to make a Jedi Knight and see how the bit with Scourge really plays out. Satele doesn't just accept him. She accepts the Knight's decision to accept him, and she accepts the truth of Scourge's vision from 300 years ago. It's not an easy decision for her or the Council to make.

 

But if Scourge changed his idea they would still suffer, just like how he betrayed Revan. It still took great risk, as for a child ,she just got to run away from Malgus before the child was born, I don't see how is it risky.

 

There is a vast difference between the situation and having sex with a low-level Sith lord for some misguided attempt to raise a weapon to destroy her enemy. And, really, that's what you're talking about--a child born not of love (or even some kind of heat-of-the-moment lust), but as part of a military strategy to destroy one's enemy. It's not in her idiom.

 

I'm not sure how the Republic quests played out, but from the Imperial quest line, I saw the Jedi under her leadership did quite a few horrible things including frame someone with tons of crimes and help Revan, a master of the Dark Side to start genocide upon the Imperial population. That's much worse.

 

it also goes against Malgus' character, as well. It wasn't until after the Sacking of Coruscant that he came up with his philosophy of a new Empire. That's covered in Deceived. At the time of the Battle of Alderaan (when this pairing would have to have taken place), Malgus was a staunchly loyal Sith, who fought for king and country (or emperor and empire, as the case may be). After the Sacking, when he was snubbed by Darth Angral in favor of a lower-ranked lord who was a better brown-noser, Malgus did a lot of self-searching, and that's when he decided that he'd need to rebuild the Empire.

 

He didn't need to build a "better" Empire at that time, he just wanted to rule and gain power, a powerful son would become his right hand. I believe that's in most Sith's blood, most of them just didn't have the chance or guts to do so. The details on these can be changed.

 

Ok if we put these away, under current story setting, any future plot advice?

Edited by Slowpokeking
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edited: Not sure I understand what you mean. Do you mean you're going to get rid of the plot and work on something else? If so, I think that's wise. But you still need to play the other side to write effectively, even if you only write about the sith. Edited by errant_knight
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edited: Not sure I understand what you mean. Do you mean you're going to get rid of the plot and work on something else? If so, I think that's wise. But you still need to play the other side to write effectively, even if you only write about the sith.

 

I mean let's start from the capture of Satele Shan, do you think she would succumb like her ancestor or what could make her succumb?

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What capture? As far as I know, she was never captured.... I think part of the problem is you're starting with an end result in mind and forcing a plot that will make that happen. It will work better if you create a situation (after getting to know the characters thoroughly and as presented in the game first), and then let game lore and the characters guide you. If you let them 'speak', your work will be far more nuanced and exciting--for you as well as for the reader. A plot doesn't have to be complicated or have super powerful characters in it to be interesting. just create a situation that they care about and see what they do. That's why I say you need to play as many of the stories as possible, and the jedi knight for sure. You can't give control to the characters (at least in part) if you don't know them very, very well. And if you don't give control to the characters, your story will seem forced. Edited by errant_knight
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I love fanfics, especially Star Wars. I have written nearly thirty of my own based on my old Star Wars galaxies characters. So I understand what you want to do here. However, when i write I do a lot of research. I try to stick to the established lore, canon and timeline as best I can. When it comes to established characters, especially big ones like, in your case, Satele and Malgus, I make sure I do not change their history in a major way, if at all.

 

In your case you are taking huge liberties, something I avoid doing as much as possible. Your basic storyline is fine, I would suggest changing the major players, however. Have you considered replacing Satele and malgus with characters you created? I'm not talking game characters, but ones you create explicitly for this story? I see no reason why you couldn't make a Jedi who is a council member and a Sith who, at the very least, is a follower of Malgus.

 

Give it some thought. By using your own characters you have much more freedom to make your story work plus you won't have as much trouble trying to make sense out of things, like why Satele would even consider touching Malgus with anything but the blade of her lightsaber. :D

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What capture? As far as I know, she was never captured.... I think part of the problem is you're starting with an end result in mind and forcing a plot that will make that happen. It will work better if you create a situation (after getting to know the characters thoroughly and as presented in the game first), and then let game lore and the characters guide you. If you let them 'speak', your work will be far more nuanced and exciting--for you as well as for the reader. A plot doesn't have to be complicated or have super powerful characters in it to be interesting. just create a situation that they care about and see what they do.

 

I wrote it in the OP. And no, you have to settle the overall plot direction from the beginning and change the details for the characters or it might lead to nowhere, I've tried it before.

 

I did, SI is cunning and dirty, SW is strong and wanted to prove her strength. BH is cold but she had her discipline, would not betray her employer unless they betray her first or do unnecessary killings.

 

The problem is just about Satele Shan but we just put it away, she would sacrifice herself for her son right? Let's start from her capture.

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I wrote it in the OP. And no, you have to settle the overall plot direction from the beginning and change the details for the characters or it might lead to nowhere, I've tried it before.

 

I did, SI is cunning and dirty, SW is strong and wanted to prove her strength. BH is cold but she had her discipline, would not betray her employer unless they betray her first or do unnecessary killings.

 

The problem is just about Satele Shan but we just put it away, she would sacrifice herself for her son right? Let's start from her capture.

 

ok, I have to wash my hands of this now. You're just making up huge things with major characters and....well, you're going to do what you're going to do.

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I love fanfics, especially Star Wars. I have written nearly thirty of my own based on my old Star Wars galaxies characters. So I understand what you want to do here. However, when i write I do a lot of research. I try to stick to the established lore, canon and timeline as best I can. When it comes to established characters, especially big ones like, in your case, Satele and Malgus, I make sure I do not change their history in a major way, if at all.

 

In your case you are taking huge liberties, something I avoid doing as much as possible. Your basic storyline is fine, I would suggest changing the major players, however. Have you considered replacing Satele and malgus with characters you created? I'm not talking game characters, but ones you create explicitly for this story? I see no reason why you couldn't make a Jedi who is a council member and a Sith who, at the very least, is a follower of Malgus.

 

Give it some thought. By using your own characters you have much more freedom to make your story work plus you won't have as much trouble trying to make sense out of things, like why Satele would even consider touching Malgus with anything but the blade of her lightsaber. :D

 

Well I prefer to stick with the plot as well, even in a SW&LotR crossover I still made sure it would not contradict anything in SW's main plot so I chose to start from the end of current TOR story, which they haven't given the new plot out yet, and avoid original characters unless no existing character could fit the role.

 

Well, since she could take the risk to work with a Sith Lord who killed countless Jedi and betrayed her ancestor before, permit her Jedi to aid her ancestor with the genocide plan and that frame thing, I think she would consider this. It's not she couldn't kill Malgus later.

Edited by Slowpokeking
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