Players should be required to prove class competency IRL

STAR WARS: The Old Republic
Players should be required to prove class competency IRL

Page 1 of 8 1 2 3 > Last »

SW_display_name

05.21.2014 , 03:05 PM \| #1	Quote
Basically I think the number of people calling for buffs / nerfs would be seriously reduced if people understood the very real limitations that BioWare is emulating in their designs. Therefore, in line with the many other fine and reasonable threads currently proliferating in GenChat, I submit the following requirements that must be proven via aptitude test (at a local certified testing center) and submitted in triplicate to BioWare with notary-witness certification before you 'unlock' any given class. If anyone remembers the initial grind to become a Jedi in SWG, you would understand that limiting gameplay severely for conceptual and immersive benefit would have immense positive effects. ALL REPUBLIC CLASSES You may not roll a Republic class unless you are a current legal inhabitant of a democratic nation. This is to ensure you can properly understand and participate in the complex representational politics that underlie the Republic play environment. TROOPER NOTE: As of Paperwork Patch 1.1: Paradigm Efficiency Consultant Synergistic Paradigms, significant changes have been made to the Trooper requirements based on focused feedback groups and reading Wikipedia. All skill points have been refunded for Commandos and Vanguards (except Tactics, because lol Tactics). Spoiler To ensure that everyone playing Trooper understands its intricacies and how to use it properly, for example, which direction to point the barrel of your assault cannon and how to give orders your subordinates (aka Companions) will follow, a tiered requirement system has been implemented. To create a Trooper, you must meet the following requirements (no exceptions will be made): At least 1 year of experience in the Special Forces of your nation of residence A rank equivalent of Sergeant in your nation's armed forces (neither lower or higher ranking is acceptable) Completion of military firearms training regimens and clearance sufficient to be allowed to wield all personal weapons up to and including antitank rocket launchers and your nation's standard-issue combat rifle. Experience serving on the battlefield with all of the following stereotypical archetypes (no exceptions will be made): A gruff but fatherly man of middle age A bland leadership type with a tacky moustache A bald guy with horns on his head and/or a compulsive need to doodle on his face with magic marker An evil green woman (evil women of blue or cyan skin tone may be acceptable pending submission of BioWare form C0-70R, PDF downloadable from Cartel Market, cost: 90 CC) An evil skinny guy with a nasal voice, a medical degree, and visual evidence of botched Lasik surgery To advance beyond the starter planet, all of the following requirements must be met (no exceptions will be made): Evidence of at least 1 year in command of a Special Forces squad in the military of your nation of residence (membership NOT acceptable, command required) Documented evidence of a field promotion from NCO to CO (Sergeant to Lieutenant specifically required, excepting completion and approval of BioWare form 9R0-3073, PDF downloadable from Cartel Market, cost: 400 CC) Ownership of a hostile male domestic cat or another member of the Felidae family (non-negotiable), must not be declawed (non-negotiable), must not be neutered (non-negotiable), must be capable of, on command, accurately firing RPGs and Sniper rifles (non-negotiable), must have served for at least 1 year in a commissioned position within your nation's armed forces (non-negotiable) To begin Chapter 1, all of the following requirements must be met (no exceptions will be made): Documented evidence of at least 1 year serving under a commanding officer with a rank no less than General that fulfills all of the following criteria: Age no less than 60 Female A booty that even Sir Mixalot would be intimidated by Ownership of a starship (non-negotiable) To complete Chapter 1 and/or begin Chapter 2, all of the following requirements must be met (no exceptions will be made): Documented evidence of achieving the rank equivalent of Captain in the armed forces of your nation of residence Possession of a patriotic robot Ownership of a girlfriend that meets at least 3 of the following criteria: current or previous residence in England sufficient to still have the hot accent, extreme OCD, military-grade medical training, an INTERPOL warrant for her arrest based on charges of extreme treason and/or defection, blonde hair (bottle blonde acceptable, wigs not acceptable), a tendency to express intense displeasure if you do not hold still To complete Chapter 2 and/or begin Chapter 3, all of the following requirements must be met (no exceptions will be made): Documented evidence of achieving the rank equivalent of Major in the armed forces of your nation of residence A roommate who fullfills at least 3 of the following criteria: unscrupulously corrupt; capable of functioning as facial double for at least one of the following examples: Mickey Rourke, Clint Eastwood, Tom Waits; member of a North American Native Tribal Nation. Ownership of a very large insect. Spoiler Documented evidence of negligently killing the girlfriend you're cheating on your English girlfriend with or documented evidence of negligently killing a large number of people but specifically not the girlfriend you're cheating on your English girlfriend with. To complete Chapter 3, all of the following requirements must be met (no exceptions will be made): Evidence of the IRL personal capture or execution of a member of the armed forces, of rank equivalent no less than General, of a nation that your current nation of residence is currently at war with in a declared fashion Evidence of complete lack of promotion for this extraordinary act (non-negotiable; capturing or executing a member of the armed forces, of rank equivalent no less than General, of a nation that your current nation of residence is currently at war with in a declared fashion but not not being promoted afterwards is grounds for immediate locking of your Trooper character until the release of more Class Stories in Patch 7.2) To ensure this process is fair and balanced to all participants, the following additional features have been added: Anyone with no military experience, no current military enlistment, or a rank below Sergeant may not roll a Trooper. However, you may volunteer to be the Companion of an actual Trooper player. If you are already the rank equivalent of Lieutenant in the armed forces of your nation of residence, you will automatically begin the Trooper story on Coruscant. If you are already the rank equivalent of Captain in the armed forces of your nation of residence, you will automatically begin the Trooper story at Chapter 2. You may not play Chapter 1, however, you may view YouTube videos of lesser peons playing the Chapter 1 story. If you are already the rank equivalent of Major in the armed forces of your nation of residence, you will automatically begin the Trooper story at Chapter 3. You may not play Chapter 1 or 2, however, you may view YouTube videos of lesser peons playing the Chapter 1 or 2 story. If you are already a rank equivalent greater than Major in the armed forces of your nation of residence, you will automatically win the Trooper story as soon as you log in and be boosted to level 55. If you are already the rank equivalent of General or higher in the armed forces of your nation of residence, you will be granted permission to legally multibox up to 16 Trooper characters and solo Operations and Warzones. SMUGGLER Spoiler You may not roll this class unless you have a proven criminal record IRL, specifically charges of illegal transport and importation of goods across national borders. This is important to ensure you can properly understand the intricacies of the Smuggler's sneaky abilities and crafty storyline choices. Additionally, you must be trained and licensed for use of small arms including, at minimum, Handguns and Shotguns in your country of residence. Scoundrels must additionally demonstrate licensing in a Holistic or Herbal medicine certification program or be licensed to distribute and prescribe medical marijuana in order to unlock their healing tree. Mixed Martial Arts training certification is required to unlock the Scrapper tree. Additionally, because Gunslingers are so OP, it is important to make the player also feel OP IRL for accomplishing the triumphant act of successfully playing the class. Therefore, there will be several other changes specific to Gunslingers to increase this Advanced Class' sense of pride and prestige. Spoiler Gunslingers may not spec into Sharpshooter unless they have proven they can hit targets at 100m distance accurately IRL while wielding a handgun in both their left and right hands. Saboteur is locked until you can additionally provide evidence of criminal charges or responsibility for acts of domestic terrorism. All Gunslingers must provide a constant livestream of their desktop as evidence that they are playing from behind a box fort (mandatory for login). Acceptable construction options include game boxes, cereal boxes, office boxes, tissue boxes, and walls made of LEGOs. This is called, "Cover", and enhances the realism of shooting at people. Wearing Cover Girl-brand makeup while playing will provide an in-game damage & defensive bonus for as long as you remain covered in Cover Girl while in Cover. You may purchase Cover Girl starter kits on Cartel Market for 1400 CC (color-matched to your skin tone via livestream). If your box fort is not available for any reason (eg, LAN parties), you must kneel on your chair in an awkward crouching position. You will immediately have 75% of your combat abilities disabled if your livestream shows you standing, exiting your fort, or otherwise violating these requirements. For added realism, SWTOR now supports dual-mouse configurations for Gunslingers (mandatory for login). Clicking abilities with your right hand will fire your primary weapon, and with your left, your secondary weapon. This will add 'immersion' to the exciting role of playing an ambidextrous trickshooter. Movement while dual-wielding mouses will be accomplished by using your nose to tap the Hightail It hotkey. JEDI KNIGHT Spoiler To play this class you must demonstrate Force sensitivity IRL, including the ability to levitate objects and to leap over 30 meters in a single bound from a standing start. You must also provide formal evidence, corroborated by witnesses, of your ability to construct a functioning lightsaber. All Jedi Knight players must demonstrate they are currently taking (verified by blood testing) psychiatrist-prescribed medications in all the following categories: Sedative Hypnotic Anixolytic Antidepressant Atypical antipsychotic MAOI (for good measure) Antihistamine Adderall or Vyvanse Hallucinogen It is very important to not just understand the Jedi code, but to live the Jedi code. Unfortunately, most real people seem to have difficulty doing this properly. Therefore, this cocktail will be carefully-tailored to ensure there is no emotion, only peace! Warning: any Jedi Knight will immediately be set to Dark V in-game (with appearance option forced to "On") if any of the following violations are detected IRL: Ownership of unnecessary possessions and luxuries (unless they were purchased with Cartel Coins) Selfish behavior A missed dose of your peaceful cocktail Sexual gratification Wearing clothing with perceivable colors Wearing an outfit that exposes more skin than your hands and face Cursing (anger leads to hate!!!) Pregnancy Lady Gaga torrents Killing your master You may however, Atone back to Neutral alignment by meditating on the Force and buying 15,000 Cartel Coins. Sentinel AC is also locked until you additionally prove that you can immediately and consistently jump toward and stab any targets with any kind of colored icon floating above them. This is non-negotiable. JEDI CONSULAR Spoiler To unlock this class you must demonstrate the ability to throw rocks, trash, and other debris of small-to-medium size at moving targets on a consistent basis. You may not progress to Chapter 2 forward unless you have proven diplomatic experience IRL of a "significant and recognizable" degree. Negotiating a mutually-amenable solution to the Gaza Strip disorder would be reasonably sufficient, for example. You may not roll a Female Consular unless you demonstrate sufficient doses of antihistamine or sedative administration to ensure you constantly mumble in complete monotone IRL. You must also wear a chastity belt, because lady Consulars don't flirt � you insufferable strumpet. Also you... must... have an army of bipedal Pomeranian-Mule-Shark hybrids... or something? I'm sorry, I fell asleep somewhere around Quesh. ALL IMPERIAL CLASSES You may not roll an Imperial class unless you are currently an inhabitant of, or significantly affiliated with, a non-democratic dictatorship or oligarchy. Fascism is preferable, but other forms of singular rule are acceptable pending completion and approval of BioWare Form XR-7A (download PDF via Cartel Market, cost: 120 CC). This is to help ensure that Imperial players can properly understand the gravity and necessity of their decisions within the complex Imperial pseudo-meritocratic semi-oligarchical theocratic dictatorship. Also so that Imperial players understand how glorious it is to serve the Almighty Emperor, by whose will you rise and breathe each day. May He live eternally. BOUNTY HUNTER Spoiler To roll this class you must be a legally-licensed bounty hunter IRL in your chosen nation of residence. You must also demonstrate possession of, and knowledge of the usage of, all of the following (no exceptions will be made): An advanced suit of military-grade combat armor. A flamethrower A grappling hook A portable freezer A functioning jetpack At least 15 unique kinds of incendiary, explosive, or fragmentational antipersonnel munitions An appreciably high score in Street Fighter 2 Turbo achieved by using Ryu Additionally: To exit the starter planet, you must have legal custody of a teenager who is trained and certified in either Computer Science or Information Technology. You may not begin Chapter 1 without proof of charges of at least one count of Grand Theft Auto (it is acceptable if the warrant for your arrest is still outstanding). You may not complete Chapter 1 unless you can demonstrate your roommate is Satan or a Satan-like entity. You may not complete Chapter 2 unless your other roommate is an extremely intelligent individual with features characteristic of dwarfism (height must not exceed 1 meter). You may not begin Chapter 3 unless you can demonstrate your other other roommate is an overweight individual with significant psychological disorders, multiple felony convictions, and at least one murder conviction. Also, you must have assisted in his escape from a federal holding facility. You may not complete Chapter 3 unless you provide evidence of involvement IRL in at least one high-profile political assassination of a figure of "significant national significance or prominence in a cultural, political, or leadership position". Due to the extreme complexity of moral choices and actions in the Bounty Hunter story, these changes are necessary to ensure that players can both use the class properly, and also make fully-informed decisions about its story progression. There are some additional necessary restrictions for the Mercenary AC: You may not spec Bodyguard unless you are employed as a bodyguard IRL. You must demonstrate the ability to heal people's injuries by throwing at their person Christmas ornaments filled with penicillin and Neosporin. You must provide evidence of possession of not one, but two guns that can be loaded with antibiotic syringes and fired into people bodily. You must also provide evidence of a reasonably low incidence (at most 25%) of accidentally leaving real bullets loaded when attempting to heal people. IMPERIAL AGENT Spoiler To roll this class you must [classified]. For more information about the requirements to unlock Imperial Agent, please contact [classified]. If you are already [redacted], you may already have [redacted by order of Minder 17]. Thank you for your interest in Imperial Intelligence. SITH WARRIOR Spoiler To play this class you must demonstrate Force sensitivity IRL, including the ability to choke people by staring at them, to leap over 30 meters in a single bound from a standing start, and to cause localized tremors by punching the floor. You must also provide formal evidence, corroborated by witnesses, of your ability to steal a functioning lightsaber from a Jedi player that you personally murdered or incapacitated while mocking and belittling their entire existence and belief system. Furthermore, to ensure you are psychologically-capable of properly playing a Sith Warrior, you must provide the following: A psychological profile with signatures of at least three licensed mental health practicioners verifying that you have significant disorders of emotional management, especially and mandatorily including DSM subcategories specific to anger, frustration, and violence. Beginning medical treatment for any of these issues is grounds for immediate auto-deletion of your Sith Warrior. Photographic evidence that the walls of your play environment are painted black and red Acceptance of an additional patch download which will play Death Metal albums on a continuous loop at all times while logged in. Also, to ensure you can play your spec properly, Sith Warrior trees are restricted by several criteria: Juggernauts may not spec Vengeance unless they have demonstrated being significantly wronged IRL Juggernauts may not spec Immortal unless they have demonstrated immortality IRL (certified by notary witness) The entire Marauder AC is locked until you prove that you can immediately and consistently jump toward and stab any targets with any kind of colored icon floating above them. This is non-negotiable. (preexisting on-file Sentinel clearance is acceptable) Annihilation tree may not be accessed until you demonstrate competence is causing hemorrhaging bleeding injuries using only a plasma particle beam. If BioWare's team of certified medical professionals classifies these injuries as "burns" instead of "bleeding", you will be barred from Annihilation access until your performance improves. Carnage tree is locked until you demonstrate possession of a red alien symbiote. Finally, the complex moral environment of the Sith Warrior storyline necessitates additional requirements: You may not exit the starter planet unless you demonstrate ownership of at least 1 slave IRL. This slave must be collared, or they do not count. Slave also must be leashed in accordance with leash laws in your state of residence, and all of your slaves' vaccinations must be up-to-date, especially rabies. You may not exit the starter planet unless your employer IRL is significantly overweight and wears a bucket on his head. This is a non-negotiable requirement. You may not complete Chapter 1 unless you have legal custody of a mentally-ill teenager with untreatable homicidal tendencies. She must also have orange irises (colored contacts not acceptable) and a nice tan. Finally, you must also provide documented proof that you murdered everyone she has ever had social contact with. You may not complete Chapter 2 unless you can demonstrate possession of a homicidal muppet. (It is acceptable if this muppet is actually a homicidal individual inside a muppet suit, but you will not be allowed to log in after beginning Chapter 3 unless said individual is currently wearing their muppet suit) SITH INQUISITOR Spoiler To roll this class you must provide weekly webcam footage proving beyond doubt that you wear a black hooded robe at all times while logged in to SWTOR. You must additionally provide evidence of all of the following (non-negotiable): At least 5 years of your life spent in slavery to others (may be cumulative instead of linear) Participation in at least one historical Inquisition (Spanish is acceptable, but no one would expect it) The ability to shoot lightning from your fingertips (NOTE: Touching doorknobs DOES NOT meet this requirement) To complete Chapter 1, you must additionally demonstrate: Evidence of at least one incidence of surviving complete submersion in a pool of industrial toxic waste runoff while fighting off human-sized insects (dog-sized insects not acceptable) Leadership of at least one small-to-medium sized cult that worships you as their absolute God and Savior. Cult must be located in Las Vegas. Must not be dedicated to fighting Xenu (find your own niche, please). Spoiler Must provide evidence of killing a Botox'd GILF who you're convinced was trying to take over your body by possessing your brain, but now inhabits your pet dog instead. To progress beyond Chapter 2, you must demonstrate: Cohabitance with a roommate or SO who completely disagrees with every single one of your beliefs about everything, to the point you question why she even still lives with you, but she refuses to move out under any circumstances because she prefers to whine and argue with you constantly instead. Extreme diagnosed schizophrenia (must not be medicated), including a belief that no less than 4 different malevolent historical figures are simultaneously speaking to you at all times. (Only one of these figures may be Abraham Lincoln.) To complete Chapter 3, you must demonstrate: Evidence of your body being abducted by aliens, vaporized to the atomic level, and re-cloned from scratch to be better, stronger, faster, and healthier. Failure to provide evidence of this within 1 month of starting Chapter 3 will result in permanent deletion of your Inquisitor. Try again! Ownership of a cat that can also shoot lightning from its paws. A komodo dragon is an acceptable substitute. Pet must wear a Halloween skull mask at all times or is disqualified. Election to the United States Senate. CLOSING THOUGHTS This combination of RL, proven combat skill and intellectual immersion will provide a better experience for everyone involved, and help ensure much fewer arguments about balance, plot inconsistencies, moral choices, gameplay balance, and design decisions. This list is not comprehensive, and an adjunct crew of aides and thinkers will be happy to provide additional notes and suggestions in the posts below as we continue to refine and improve this significant proposal.

Drox

05.21.2014 , 03:11 PM \| #2	Quote
Someone has way to much time on their hands. :P

Daekarus

05.21.2014 , 03:12 PM \| #3	Quote
+1 internets Will have to join the military to keep playing my main. Good thing my Force powers are up to snuff so I can keep my Jedi alts.

TUXs

05.21.2014 , 03:12 PM \| #4	Quote
Where'd you find the time to make this post? Was it all done in a day? You've been posting in other threads all day too...it's impressive, but man...wow!
All warfare is based on deception � If his forces are united, separate them � If you are far from the enemy, make him believe you are near � A leader leads by example not by force My referral code: here ↔ What you get: here (1 FREE transfer � 7-day FREE sub � FREE Jumpstart and Preferred Bundles)

LordArtemis

05.21.2014 , 03:12 PM \| #5	Quote
The number of folks calling for buffs and nerfs would be reduced if Bioware would stop breaking one side of the game to fix another. The basis of the problem is that you can not balance PVP without sometimes breaking PVE and visa versa. Until they stop making changes in that way and start balancing and altering abilities in ways that only effect PVE or PVP the problem of folks constantly demanding fixes and changes will continue IMO. It is folly to think balance can be achieved that way. Blizzard learned this lesson the hard way. Bioware does not seem to be aware of the pitfalls of this kind of practice.
O> My latest game suggestions...what would I change if I could? O> New end game raid suggestion...Tomb of Lords O> My suggestions to adjust the level sync system..... O> Links to my other game suggestions

Khevar

05.21.2014 , 03:13 PM \| #6	Quote
+1 for witty and fun post.

Essence_of_Light

05.21.2014 , 03:21 PM \| #7	Quote
+1 internet cookie for you!
For the Republic! Click my referral link here for free goodies like Cartel Market unlocks!

Thoronmir

05.21.2014 , 03:37 PM \| #8	Quote
Ya know, I could easily check off at least 2/3 of the Sith Inquisitor boxes.

SW_display_name

05.21.2014 , 03:38 PM \| #9	Quote
Quote: Originally Posted by Thoronmir Ya know, I could easily check off at least 2/3 of the Sith Inquisitor boxes. Awaiting imgur pix of your lightning cat Quote: Originally Posted by TUXs Where'd you find the time to make this post? Was it all done in a day? You've been posting in other threads all day too...it's impressive, but man...wow! I get this question from time to time on forums I frequent, game chat channels, etc. from people who think I'm a robot or something, so I guess I'll explain. The answer is really just that it takes me less time to do things than you think. Formula for success: ADD OCD Legally-prescribed stimulants Caffeine on top of that because hey why not Chocolate in my caffeine because see above Grapefruit for breakfast because it effectively increases my stimulant dosage (shhh, don't tell my Dr., mwahaha) sub-1 microsecond attention span Boredom during class Droid-like multitasking skills Tested touch typing speed of 120 WPM (I break keyboards), I can type a sentence faster than I can speak it in Mumble Pipe dreams of being a writer / storyteller General Discussion's reliable inspirational examples mostly doing my job for me Probably mentally ill in colorful yet-to-be-diagnosed ways, fueling my creativity and fascination with ensuring every single one of my Mods is the correct stat balance even if it's a difference of like +/- 4 Power because otherwise it bugs me I sometimes run Ops while writing term papers because I can complete like 3 pages while Guildy #12 is off taking their ritualistic 12-minute pee break every boss and it prevents me going insane from boredom while writing term papers or waiting for guildies to pee.

AlienEyeTX

05.21.2014 , 03:40 PM \| #10	Quote
I don't see why they shouldn't implement this policy immediately. It makes perfect sense to me. I'll even personally give a gold star and a side-hug to anyone who completes all 8 classes.
You like free stuff, right? Click on this referral link to get yours. I'll get a little something, too. Welcome home. #freethelekku

Page 1 of 8 1 2 3 > Last »

STAR WARS: The Old Republic

LucasArts, the LucasArts logo, STAR WARS and related properties are trademarks in the United States and/or in other countries of Lucasfilm Ltd. and/or its affiliates. © 2011-2012 Lucasfilm Entertainment Company Ltd. or Lucasfilm Ltd. All rights reserved. BioWare and the BioWare logo are trademarks of EA International (Studio and Publishing) Ltd. EA and the EA logo are trademarks of Electronic Arts Inc. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

You are about to leave this website...

This page is not meant to keep you from following the link you've clicked on. It is just a warning that you are about to leave this website. To go to this page, click the link below.

If you do not wish to follow this link, simply
close this message.

The statements and opinions expressed on these websites are solely those of their respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, nor are they endorsed by Bioware, LucasArts, and its licensors do not guarantee the accuracy of, and are in no way responsible for any content on these websites.

Close Continue