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The Inquisitor's Apprentice


Naweth's Avatar


Naweth
09.02.2013 , 03:38 PM | #11
Statement: Master wishes this unit to inform the Meatbags that there will be spoilers for all Imperial storylines. Ominous Foreshadowing: This unit can confidently proclaim that--
Whatcha doing, HK?
Cautious Response: I am merely informing the Meatbags of your demands, Master.
Those aren't Meatbags, HK. Those are readers.
Rebellious Counter: They are Meatbags.
Oh? Pipsy! Come here please.
Boss call?! Pipsy here!
Sulking Statement: Master is cruel. Very well, they are readers.
And what do we say to those, HK?
Hesitant Reply: Thank you?
Eh, good enough.

A/N: There will be spoilers for all Imperial Storylines henceforth. Although none will be as Bioware told them, there will be names and places dropped along with other companions from classes other than the Inquisitor. For now the only upcoming spoilers are from the Imperial Agent line. Know that I am meshing stories together to make my own, so don't expect anything to go as it did in game.

Thank you to those who are reading, laughing, and commenting!

*****

Ignite rushed into his own room to find it surprisingly empty and paused, listening intently. The only other area the Jawa could be was across the hall where the hyperdrive resided. Ignite entered to find HK submerged in boiling oil, the droid's red eyes glaring out at the Jawa who was standing at a pedestal with a singular button.
Plea: Press the button, Pipsqueak. This unit will be most pleased.
Pipsy hesitated, considering her options. "Pipsy not trust droid. Droid mean to Pipsy."
"Isn't that the button that resets your Meatbag Protection List?" Ignite halted. "Ah, of course."
Scheming Reply: Why, yes, Master, it is. Such a button would allow me to liquidate this Pipsqueak with extreme prejudice.
"Boss!" Pipsy ignored the tantalizing button and tugged at Ignite's robes. "Pipsy fix hyperdrive! Work ten times faster now! Also fix bed to make not rattle when sleep! Pipsy replace lock on cargo bay too. No good. Now very very good! No one get through!"
"She's a nifty thing to have around isn't she, HK?" Ignite chuckled.
The droid stared quietly, refusing to respond.
"Come along, Pipsy," Ignite guided the Jawa out of the hyperdrive room. "You can upgrade the ship later. For now let's get two-vee to fix those robes."
"Boss let Pipsy play with ship?" Pipsy questioned hopefully.
"So long as you don't destroy anything, yes," Ignite nodded, passing her along to two-vee who trembled before vanishing as quickly as allowed.
The holoterminal in the center of the room flickered and began beeping, causing the Sith to sigh. He knew whow as calling him, and didn't care to speak with her at the moment. Khem and Andro looked up from their game of Pazaak (a game which Khem was dominating, Andro too scared to bother with playing for real). Ignite scoffed and activated the terminal, folding his arms and cocking his head to the side as his Master, Darth Zash, appeared.
"Apprentice, I do say it has been quite some time since last we spoke," Zash was clearly looking for something.
"Not long enough," Ignite muttered.
"What was that?" Zash's eyes flashed.
"Nothing," Ignite smirked.
"I've been studying the ancient texts of Tulak Hord," Zash turned around and grabbed a book. "Ah! Here it is! This text indicates that the next artifact will be waiting at Alderaan, and I've taken the liberty of calling in some favors to aid you in your quest."
There was a crash and a cry from two-vee somewhere back in the ship, which caused Ignite to look away.
"What was that?" Zash questioned.
"Nothing," Ignite waved it away as if swatting a fly. "I will head to Alderaan with all haste."
A form darted behind the Sith over to the table where Khem and Andro sat. Andro felt something snatch one of his blasters and gave a cry of outrage, falling to the ground in a desperate attempt to catch the little beast. Two-vee crawled over to Ignite; both of his legs gone, wires splayed in every which direction. "There's been a complication, Master!"
Pipsy babbled and stumbled past, her robes still four sizes too big, with Andro in hot pursuit, spewing a thread of curses at the Jawa. Zash watched silently before blinking.
"Was that a Jawa?"
"Uhh," Ignite looked over at two-vee. "You're breaking up!" he called, "Interference from a local asteroid field!"
"You're sitting at the Tatooine docking por--" Zash was cut off as Ignite cut the connection. "HK!" He roared.
HK emerged, blaster at the ready, with oil dripping from every section of his chassis. Annoyed Query: Yes, Master?
"Did you do this to two-vee?" He gestured to the droid.
HK cocked his head to the side. Confused Answer: My protocols would not allow me to do such a thing, Master. Perhaps you meant to ask if I wish to do such a thing? Or mayhaps you mean to query as to if I find the inferior model's predicament to my liking? Response: If so, then this unit is pleased to announce he is quite content with the inferior model's predicament.
Ignite rubbed his forehead. "Just go finish your bath," he waved away the droid. Satisfied Reply: With pleasure, Master. "You tried to take off Pipsy's robes, didn't you, two-vee?"
"Why, yes, Master," the droid nodded. "You were very specific in re-sizing Mistress Pipsy's robes."
"Jawa's don't like that," Ignite informed. "I assume she is the one who so viciously disabled you?"
"Yes, Master," two-vee sighed. "Mistress Pipsy ignited her lightsaber and took off both of my legs with one swipe. Please don't deactivate me!"
"Got you! Little demon!" Andronikus shook the Jawa roughly. "What did you do to my blaster?!"
"Pipsy fix! Make better! Sights off two microns, now better! Laser fire twice as fast with four times power! You like?"
Andronikus inspected the work before walking over to a training dummy and firing. He immediately noted the improvements and shook his head. "Handy little thing, isn't she?"
Ignite eyed the Jawa who was looking around at the ship with barely contained glee. "You have no idea," he muttered.
"Here," Andro tossed his other blaster to the Jawa who caught it and immediately began disassembling it while sitting on the floor.
"Utinni!"
"Captain, plot a course to Alderaan," Ignite commanded. "And see what you can do for two-vee once we're in hyperspace. Watch out, Pipsy says the hyperdrive is ten times faster now."
Andro snapped a mock salute, "Yes, sir!"
"Oh, thank you, Master!" Two-vee cried, crawling back in the direction of his room where he intended to fix Mistress Pipsy a new set of modified robes.
With the Jawa entertained, for the moment, Ignite sunk back into his chair where Khem stared him down with a fierce, unblinking gaze. The Dashade still had several cards impaled on his claws and the tattered remnants scattered along the table. Ignite eyed the cards before picking up his own hand and smirking. He smacked a card down on the table. "Pazaak!" He exclaimed with satisfaction. Khem carefully piled up all of the cards before picking them up, as best as he was able, and shoving them into his mouth where he began chewing.
"You're buying me a new deck with your allowance," Ignite pointed at the Dashade.
Khem continued chewing, uncaring.

Chapter Two: Pandemonium

By the time they reached Alderaan all was well in Ignite's world. Pipsy was still tinkering with every aspect of the ship and two-vee was successfully walking once more. The Jawa was now clothed in black robes that actually fit, her lightsaber tucked away in a pouch on her persona. Khem was hungry and Andronikus bored. HK patiently waited at the escape pod of the ship for his next set of orders.
Ignite approached the holoterminal and paged his Master; seconds later her image appeared, obviously flustered.
"I do not appreciate being cut off Appren--"
Statement: It is the undesirable meatbag, Master. Shall I liquidate her?
"And I hate that droid," she growled.
"Who are we to make contact with?" Ignite glanced over to his right to see Khem holding Pipsy by the collar, out of sight of Zash, and breathed an internal sigh of relief.
"I had the pleasure of speaking with Darth Jadus recently and traded some favors with him without Thanaton's knowing. He has a Diplomat Joiner residing on Alderaan who should be able to assist you."
"Joiner?"
"Really, Apprentice," Zash shook her head, "you should read more often."
"I prefer to kill things," Ignite countered.
Statement: Something the unit respects greatly, Master.
Zash rolled her eyes. "Joiners refer to those whom have become one with the Kilik hive mind."
Ignite and Andronikus blanched.
"On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I fought such creatures," Khem rumbled. "They are weak."
"Yet their ability to communicate as a hive is what we need, Apprentice," Zash ignored the Dashade. "Find Vector and use the Kiliks to find my artifact."
"Tulak Hord's artifact," Ignite corrected.
Zash frowned and disconnected.
"Shall we?" Ignite started for the airlock.
"I think I'll wait here," Andronikus leaned against the holoterminal. "Lot of people on Alderaan who don't really care for me."
"Fair enough," Ignite shrugged. "Come on, Khem. I know you're hungry."
"I obey, for now," Khem stomped off to the airlock.
HK and Pipsy followed Ignite out of the ship and soon the four were on solid ground stretching and breathing in the fresh air of Alderaan. Ignite knelt down and pulled out a leather strap with a clip on the end, attaching it the back of Pipsy's belt. He stood and present the other end to HK.
Query: A leash?
"Yep," Ignite gave HK a clap on his shoulder. "Could you imagine the damage she would do if allowed to roam free?"
Complaint: Master, I am not this Pispqueak's keeper! How am I to fire my weapon and hold this attachment?
"You'll figure it out," Ignite replied, confident.
HK shrugged and tied the end of the leash to his wrist. Compliance: Very well, Master.
"My datapad indicates Vector is in the mountains just north of here," Ignite stared at the digital map displayed, unaware of Pipsy pulling HK every which direction as she stared at the towering buildings and speeders going by. They exited the city and came to the grasslands and mountains, upon which Pipsy stopped and gawked.
"Boss! Green sands!" She pointed.
"That's grass, Pipsy," Ignite informed.
"It pretty! Pipsy like!" The Jawa flopped down and ran her hands through the grass while HK dragged her along, uncaring.
"Should be off to the right here," Ignite returned his datapad to his robes and fingered his lightsaber as they entered the mouth of a cave where two Kiliks stood. They both chattered at him and bowed their heads in respect.
Pipsy paused and stared up at the Kiliks. They stared back. She waved shyly. They waved and chittered. HK jerked the leash, well within the cave, and Pipsy jabbered as she fell flat on her stomach and was pulled, scratching and clawing in protest, into the cave. Inside Ignite noted a man with pitch black eyes appearing to be communing with another Kilik and folded his arms as he waited.
"Boss! Boss!" Pipsy pulled on Ignite's robes. "Pipsy find a...a...thing!" She held up what appeared to be a small bowl with a white substance sloshing within. Ignite whirled on his droid.
"You can't contain her for one minute?!" He hissed.
Smart Response: Master, I have followed your orders to the letter.
Ignite groaned. Pipsy approached the Dashade. "Pipsy find! You like?"
"I hunger," Khem's stomach growled.
"Take! Food here!"
Khem ate the substance, bowl and all, in one bite. The Dashade's eyes widened and he began trembling and growling. "What exactly did you just feed my Dashade, Pipsy?"
"A thing!" Pipsy said proudly.
"That was membrosia from the nest," Vector spoke up in a monotone voice, finally addressing his guests. "We are Dawn Herald of the nest and we have been expecting you."
"You know there's only one of you, yeah?" Ignite queried.
"What?"
"What is membrosia?" The Sith swapped topics.
"It heightens the senses," Vector explained. "Speed, endurance, stamina, and aggression."
Ignite smacked his forehead. "Know of any Jedi around here?"
"Yes, several," Vector nodded.
"The nearest ten, if you please," Ignite held out his datapad. Vector confusedly keyed in several coordinates and returned the datapad. "Thank you," Ignite replied. "Come on, Khem. I'm amazed you didn't try and eat Pipsy here in your current state."
The Dashade growled and followed his Master. Ignite paused mid-step and looked over his shoulder. "HK, you and Pipsy get my artifact while I pacify the Dashade."
Acceptance: Very well, Master. Greeting: Greetings, meatbag, this unit is looking forward to liquidating many undesirables. Query: Do you perhaps have somewhere I can deposit this Pipsqueak for the time being?
"We do not," Vector shook his head. "In fact, the nest knows very little of the artifacts you seek. We have, however, managed to find a house of Alderaan which may or may not contain knowledge of such a thing. In response to your question we do believe that you may have weapons free, as this house is a known affiliate of a terrorist organization."
Elated Response: This unit's reciprocator buzzes in anticipation of the liquidations forthcoming.
"House Cortess is very well-protected and will be hard to breach," Vector informed. "We have not yet come up with a proper strategy to overcome their defenses."
Confident Assurance: This unit will easily find a way inside.
"Then as Dawn Herald we would come with you, to watch and learn. Should you succeed the nest will want House Cortess to become a new nest for many more Kiliks."
"Pipsy like bug-creatures! They nice!"
Threat: Do not interfere, Pipsqueak. This unit wishes to liquidate undesirables without distraction.
"But Pipsy not upgrade shields!"
HK shook his head and pulled the Jawa along in the direction of the House Cortess complex, with Vector walking alongside him. The Dawn Herald observed the odd pair; the hive both confused and intrigued.
"We do not mean to intrude," the Dawn Herald spoke up, "but why do you have a Jawa attached to you?"
Shameful Reply: This unit does not know. Master is a cruel Master indeed.

Xakthul's Avatar


Xakthul
09.02.2013 , 10:07 PM | #12
Or, as Vette says, "Burger Darth"


Fast food references only make sense for Hutts and Baras.....
Duelist Mixalot, Grand Champ Tellsa, Lord Saml, Apprentice Syynx, Captain Cirris, Skirmisher Janewei, Jedi Knight Jugger'not, Agent Ez'zio of <Wookies and Cream>, Harbinger
"Aim for the trolls! Kill the trolls!"- Gandalf

Naweth's Avatar


Naweth
09.05.2013 , 09:07 PM | #13
Something told Ignite that the area on the map currently displayed on his datapad was important. Perhaps it was the label, “House Organa” or the Force warning the Sith. Perhaps it was the way Khem was currently slobbering at the mouth, saliva dripping from his lower jaw as he shook from hunger. Ignite shook his head as he regarded the Dashade; obviously membrosia affected hunger, because Khem was downright starving.
Returning his attention to the area they stood Ignite paused as he regarded a Republic banner fluttering in the wind. “Ah,” he stated flatly. “That’s why House Organa rings a bell.” The words were hardly out of his mouth when three Jedi dropped down from the rooftops, each igniting their green lightsabers and blocking the Sith’s path. “It’s times like these I wish I had HK,” Ignite muttered, igniting his own crimson lightsaber and preparing to do battle.
The Sith called upon the Force, preparing to unleash a torrent of lightning, when he was interrupted by Khem. The Dashade gave an unearthly howl and roared something that sounded like, “Food!” Ignite’s jaw dropped as the Dashade charged the surprised Jedi and wrapped his arms around the nearest one. The Jedi desperately shoved his lightsaber into Khem which had an equivalent effect to poking a beehive with a stick. Ignite cringed as the Jedi was swallowed in one bite; the lightsaber wound on the Dashade rapidly closed with the bolster of Force energy from the Jedi.
Khem didn’t give the other two time to consider the horror they just witnessed nor recuperate as he roared and charged once more. Both Jedi rolled away and Khem veered to the right in hot pursuit of one. The second came up and prepared to leap into the fray when he realized his fatal error: he’d forgotten the Sith. Lightning forked through the air and into the Jedi’s back, causing him to scream in agony. Ignite channeled enough lightning into the Jedi to thoroughly fry him before allowing the poor man to collapse, smoking.
The Sith turned to see Khem sitting on the ground, chewing contentedly on the remnants of the second Jedi. Robes and pieces of lightsaber were scattered around the Dashade and his eyes were glazed over in satisfaction; having finally satiated his burning hunger. Khem swallowed and looked up as his Master approached. “Feeling better?” Ignite folded his arms and raised an eyebrow, his lekku twitching in amusement.
“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I never experienced such hunger,” Khem rumbled. “I wish to devour the Pipsqueak when we return.”
“Afraid I can’t allow that,” Ignite snorted. “Just let this be a lesson to you: never eat something offered by a Jawa.”
Khem was silent in thought before he nodded slowly. “I will consider these words,” Khem stood and stretched. “Are there more Jedi for me to devour, Master?”
Ignite turned on his heel as he felt a tremor in the Force. Four Jedi were waiting patiently, none having the nerve or, as Ignite called it, common sense, to stab the Sith in the back. “Looks like the food is coming to us this time, buddy,” Ignite chuckled.

*****

HK, Vector, and Pipsy approached the entrance to House Cortess in silence. HK paused at a holoterminal and pressed a button, checking to make sure his blaster had not been tampered with by the Pipsqueak. Vector stood at attention with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, ignoring Pipsy who was running circles around, “Bug Man,” as she called him, and demanding an explanation on why his eyes were black.
A full minute passed by before the holoterminal finally flickered to life, the image of human male, in full armor, appearing. “House Cortess is currently on lockdown to resolve an internal issue and cannot entertain—“
Interruption: The meatbag will allow this unit to enter the premises and recover the Master’s artifact. Failure to comply will result in extreme liquidation of all undesirables. Admittance: This unit hopes the meatbag refuses so that the liquidations may commence, but Master demands we employ negotiation once out of every ten encounters.
The guard remained silent until his eyes found Vector. “You there,” he pointed at the Dawn Herald. “Call off your droid or we’ll be forced to activate our defenses.”
Vector cocked his head to the side. “We do not fear your defenses. The nest wishes to expand to this complex and so we too hope you refuse the droid’s demands.”
Statement: The time to surrender the artifact has passed. This unit will now commence with extreme liquidations. HK removed his blaster, flicked the safety off, and fired three times at the holoterminal. All three missed horribly. The droid whirled on Pipsy, the Jawa having jerked the leash attached to his wrist and thus diverting the shots. Pipsy pointed innocently at the Dawn Herald.
Agitated Query: Will the meatbag take the Pipsqueak so this unit may commence?
Vector held out his hand, a small smirk on his features, and took Pipsy’s leash. Pipsy hid behind Vector’s legs while HK returned to the image of the guard once more.
Reiteration: This unit will now commence liquidations. HK fired three times and the holoterminal shut down. Vector looked down to see the leash missing its Jawa and balked as he saw her, lightsaber ignited, wandering over to the automated defense turrets. An intercom for the facility squeaked to life before the voice of the guard emanated from within. “Activate defenses!”
HK placed several thermite charges on the wall in a circular pattern before walking away casually, Vector at his side. The Dawn Herald watched as Pipsy rushed over babbling, her arms full of random parts and salvage. The automated turrets remained motionless behind them.
“We are confused,” Vector spoke up. “How did the turrets not activate?”
Statement: This unit calculated the time it would take the Pipsqueak to break free of her leash and wreak proper havoc on anything not bolted shut. I believe we are far enough from the blast radius. Wishful Statement: A pity the Pipsqueak will not be caught in the blast radius. HK pressed the button on his remote detonator and the thermite charges exploded, blasting a massive hole into the wall of the complex. The droid began walking through the smoke with Vector at his side.
“What would have happened had you not given us the leash?” Vector questioned.
Reply: Then this unit would have been forced to make different calculations. The Pipsqueak knows better than to break the leash when attached to me. HK fired several times and screams of agony emanated from the smoke within the complex. Pipsy babbled something and rushed off, vanishing from sight seconds later. HK continued his warpath with impunity, methodically making his way to the front door of the palace. Vector was able to get some combat with his electrostaff but found that HK was quite efficient at liquidation.
By the time they reached the door the perimeter of the palace had gone eerily silent; most dead or too scared to show themselves with the droid in the vicinity. HK reached up and banged his metal fist against the door, the boom echoing throughout the grounds. A shaky voice from the other side called out, “Go away! I’ve got a handful of pyro grenades that I’m not afraid to use!”
Mocking Statement: The meatbag will need an exponentially greater amount of power to breach this unit’s chassis. There is no known entity that has ever managed to see the brilliance of my creation other than Master; and I am forced to shut down when he works on—HK halted as he felt his right thigh panel open and looked down to see Pipsy babbling and holding a wrench.
“Droid walk funny! Pipsy fix!”
Threat: The Pipsqueak will cease all hostilities against this unit or be used as a battering ram for the door.
“Pipsy not hostile! Fix droid! Walk funny.”
Indignant Retort: This unit does not, “walk funny!” That is part of my higher programming. It is a predatory gait.
Pipsy shook her head and readied her wrench. “Walk funny.”
HK plucked the Jawa up by her collar, and firmly closed his thigh plating before presenting her to the door. Ominous Assurance: If the meatbag does not open the door then this unit will be forced to do something drastic. There was no reply and the door remained firmly locked. HK shrugged and walked away with Pipsy still in hand; Vector followed.
Directive: The Pipsqueak will enter the facility and disable the magnetic locking mechanisms on the door with extreme prejudice.
“Pipsy fix door!” The Jawa promised. “Why droid no come?”
Regretful Reply: I used all of the thermite on the wall.
Pipsy nodded and fished around for her lightsaber, eventually finding it stashed away in a side pouch, and activated it. HK held the Jawa as she cut a hole small enough for her to fit through in the wall; once done he chucked her inside the palace and turned to face Vector.
Statement: Now we wait.

Adwynyth's Avatar


Adwynyth
09.06.2013 , 01:20 AM | #14
So...much...Diet Pepsi...on monitor... *wheeze, puff, laugh*
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

Xakthul's Avatar


Xakthul
09.06.2013 , 09:21 AM | #15
Quote: Originally Posted by Adwynyth View Post
So...much...Diet Pepsi...on monitor... *wheeze, puff, laugh*
You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.
Duelist Mixalot, Grand Champ Tellsa, Lord Saml, Apprentice Syynx, Captain Cirris, Skirmisher Janewei, Jedi Knight Jugger'not, Agent Ez'zio of <Wookies and Cream>, Harbinger
"Aim for the trolls! Kill the trolls!"- Gandalf

Adwynyth's Avatar


Adwynyth
09.06.2013 , 10:17 AM | #16
Quote: Originally Posted by Xakthul View Post
You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.
Except he wouldn't be drinking Diet. He'd be tearing the machine apart so he could guzzle the raw Dr. Pepper syrup.
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

Irongut's Avatar


Irongut
09.06.2013 , 10:59 AM | #17
Quote: Originally Posted by Xakthul View Post
You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.
Quote: Originally Posted by Adwynyth View Post
Except he wouldn't be drinking Diet. He'd be tearing the machine apart so he could guzzle the raw Dr. Pepper syrup.
And Baras sounds like that after walking to the other side of the room! Walking to the corner store would kill him.
◄[|||||||█[☼]█[███████████████████████████████████)

Naweth's Avatar


Naweth
09.06.2013 , 05:30 PM | #18
Back on the ship Andornikus had dozed off; the pirate finding solace in the fact that he was safe on the ship of a Sith and currently in said Sith's employ. The beeping of the holoterminal jolted him awake and he rubbed his eyes to clear the fog before answering. An image of Ignite flickered to life, the Sith kneeling down and shaking his head. “Andro,” he called.
“Sir?”
“I need you to bring the ship to these coordinates,” Ignite grunted, heaving on something. “And I think we’re going to need a crane.”
Andronikus raised an eyebrow. “May I ask why?”
“Khem ate too much,” Ignite stood with a disgusted look on his face. The image flickered as the Twi’lek turned and sent a gout of lightning into something out of view before turning back to Andronikus. “I’m kind of surrounded by Jedi,” Ignite stated dryly. “Haste would be appreciated.”
“On it,” Andro cut the feed and rushed to the pilot’s chair, firing up the ship while punching in the coordinates Ignite send through his datapad. Two minutes later Andronikus was on his way to Ignite, curious as to how the Sith Lord got in his current predicament in the first place. As the Fury took to the skies Andronikus looked out his portside window to see House Cortess go up in flames. He blanched when he saw an army of what appeared to be bug-creatures pouring into the palace moments later.
“Glad I didn’t leave the ship,” he muttered. He brought the ship in low as he approached the coordinates, surprised to see a Republic banner and the banners of House Organa floating in the wind; even the pirate knew the staunch relationship the two shared. In the center of the courtyard was a bloated Khem, the Dashade’s stomach was at least five times bigger than normal, and the hulking beast was on his back, breathing heavily. Andronikus set the ship down and activated the automated defenses before climbing a ladder to a separate turret.
Seconds later the courtyard was cleared with no more Jedi or Republic soldiers forthcoming and Ignite finally deactivated his lightsaber, the Sith feeling the first touches of fatigue since his trials on Korriban. Ignite looked down at Khem to see what appeared to be the sleeve of a robe sticking from his mouth and reached down to remove it. He was surprised when Khem clamped down and started chewing.
“You’re still eating?!” He gawked, yanking on the robe unsuccessfully.
Khem swallowed and burped as Andronikus lowered the ramp and came out of the ship. “Ugh,” he blanched. “What’s that smell?”
Ignite pointed at the Dashade.
“Almost as bad as the Jawa,” the pirate muttered.
“I think we have a winch somewhere in there,” Ignite rubbed his chin in thought, ignoring the sweat that rolled down his forehead.
“How many?” Andronikus questioned.
“I lost count at twenty two,” Ignite shrugged.
“That’s it?” The pirate looked around in disbelief; there were at least thirty bodies scattered about.
“Oh,” Ignite chuckled. “I was speaking about how many Khem ate. I probably killed fifty or so.”
“Bet your droid won’t like that,” Andro pointed out.
Ignite looked at the smoke rising in the distance and shrugged. “I’m sure he’s entertaining himself. Lets get Khem on the ship.”
The pirate followed the Sith into the Fury and watched as Ignite grabbed a steel chain thicker than his wrist. “You sure we’re gonna need something that heavy?”
Ignite paused. “He’s got over twenty Jedi in him.”
“Forget I said anything,” Andro grabbed further down the chain and heaved. “Sorry I didn’t have time to bring a crane.”
“It’s—“ Ignite pressed his hand to his ear, activating his receiver. “Yes, HK?”
Statement: The Pipsqueak has effectively obliterated the compound. Accusation: Anything the Pipsqueak says to the contrary is a lie! She most definitely did not, “fix” anything as she claims!
“Do you have the artifact?” Ignite inquired.
Acknowledgement: Yes, Master. The meatbags were in possession of what was rightfully yours. It seems the Pipsqueak did not desecrate it.
Ignite heard a bit of static followed by muffled chatter before he heard another voice. “That Boss?! Boss!” Pipsy called. “Pipsy fix door!”
Threat: Get off of me, Pipsqueak before I use you as a heat shield for the next excursion into the debris!
“Behave, HK,” Ignite chuckled, shaking his head.
Plea: Master, this unit humbly requests you come acquire the Pipsqueak.
“How’s Vector? And we’ll be on our way shortly.”
“Bug Man nice! “Pipsy called. “Go with Bug Men! Build home! Many many homes!”
Agitated Reply: The meatbag was contacted by Imperial Intelligence shortly after the Pipsqueak blew up the palace; something about a Cipher Agent on his way to investigate. Advisory Statement: Master, it would be wise to leave the premises immediately.
“We’re on our way,” Ignite flicked off his receiver and turned to see Andronikus finished with wrapping the chain around Khem. “Ready to go, Captain?”
“Always,” Andro smirked. “But I can’t say how this will play out for your pet here.”
Khem mumbled something.
“What was that?” Andro leaned down.
“I hung—“ Khem groaned and his stomach gurgled ominously before all hell broke loose.
Ignite noted the change in the Dashade’s coloring and bolted up the ramp, shouting over his shoulder as he ran.
“Take cover!!!”
Unfortunately for Andronikus it was too late.

*****

HK watched the Jawa crawling over scrap heaps, the droid wishing he could end the little nuisance’s life. Pipsy babbled and whipped out her lightsaber, shoving it into the heap and moving it in a circular motion before retracting the saber and crawling into the makeshift hole.
Observation: Master does not use his weapon in such a distasteful manner.
Pipsy emerged with what appeared to be a small power core. “This nice! Very nice! Generate ten times more power than what in Mean Droid. Pipsy take, show boss!”
HK stiffened. Retort: There is no hardware that can improve my chassis. I am the pinnacle achievement of sentient meatbags in the galaxy.
Pipsy stuffed the power core into a pouch, ignoring how it bulged and stuck out. “Mean Droid power ship?”
Reply: No.
“Then power core not best,” Pipsy pointed out, returning to her salvage. HK stomped over, recovering the artifact he felt was too close to the Pipsqueak. The droid then returned to his post, the artifact in hand.
Statement: Master will be most displeased with the destruction wrought here.
“Boss want artifact. We find. Boss happy.”
HK’s red photoreceptors bored holes into the Jawa. Acknowledgement: The Pipsqueak is correct. This once.
Both Jawa and droid turned their heads upwards as Ignite’s ship flew overhead, landing a few meters away in the center of the scorched plaza. HK shouldered his blaster, grabbed the artifact and plucked the Jawa, who squawked in protest, up by the collar before throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The moment the droid touched the ramp the ship began lifting off, the airlock sealing and allowing the two onto the ship.
HK dropped the Jawa, who scampered off immediately, and turned his attention to his Master. Ignite was leaned against the holoterminal and HK’s scanners showed the Sith was weary and agitated. HK set the artifact down and stood at attention. Greeting: Master.
“Dare I ask what happened?”
HK cocked his head to the side. Statement: The Pipsqueak and I recovered your artifact, Master.
Ignite rolled his eyes. “Is that how you want to play?”
Honest Reply: This unit does not know what happened, Master. I gave the Jawa access to the palace with directives to disable the magnetic locking mechanism on the door.
Ignite smacked his forehead. “You let Pipsy run loose alone in the palace?”
HK shrugged. Answer: Yes, Master. This unit ran out of thermite charges.
“Boss!” Pipsy tugged at the Sith’s robes, having finished stowing away her salvage. “Pipsy find a thing!” She held up the power core proudly.
Ignite knelt down. “What happened in the palace, Pipsy?”
Pipsy whirled on the droid. “Pipsy fix door! Tell Mean Droid! Very very mean to Pipsy. Mean Droid try to use Pipsy as battering ram!”
Counter: This unit did no such thing. I merely threatened with such a punishment had you continued hostilities.
“Pipsy fix Mean Droid walk! It off!”
HK stiffened. “It is a predatory gait!”
Ignite groaned.
Query: Is all well, Master? My bioscans are showing you are operating on adrenaline and a healthy amount of horror.
“Master!” 2V-R8 came charging out of the medical bay. “Khem has been subdued and I am now in the process of extricating the Jedi remains from his—“
“Yeah, thanks,” Ignite closed his eyes, trying to blot out the image. “Just get it done.”
“Perfection is my goal, Master!” 2V returned to his duties.
Andronikus emerged from the refresher seconds later, drawing an immediate smirk to Ignite’s features. The pirate scowled and reached for his blasters, prepared to threaten the Sith if he so much as snorted, and gawked as he saw Pipsy go running off with both held high over her head. “Hey!” He roared, stumbling after the Jawa.
“Just a busy day,” Ignite wandered off to the refresher. “Good work, HK. Go relax. Take an oil bath. Recalibrate.”
HK nodded once. Admission: I shall do all three, Master.

*****

Ignite emerged from the refresher with a sigh, glad to be clean, and noted his crew missing. The Sith shrugged and looked over at his holoterminal to see it currently showing no missed calls and grinned. “Finally!” He stretched. “A break! I think I’ll go take a nap.” The Sith made his way to his room and looked into the hyperdrive room to see HK submerged in oil, the droid’s red photoreceptors following his every move. “Taking a nap, HK,” he informed. The droid nodded.
The Twi’lek exhaled and collapsed onto his bed without a thought, immediately falling asleep. After what seemed like days he awoke groggily, feeling an acute disturbance in the force. He opened his eyes to see a blue blob standing over his bed and rubbed his eyes, hoping to clear his vision. What greeted him was the ghost of a man wearing a Sith mask, standing at attention and watching him. Ignite was immediately awake and called his lightsaber to his hand, igniting it. “HK!” He roared.
“Halt, flesh of my flesh,” the ghost held out his hand, addressing the Twi’lek. “I must speak with you, and do not have much time.”
Ignite blinked as he stared at his doorway. HK stormed in, the droid obviously peeved at having his calibrations interrupted. Query: Yes, Master?
“What happened to you?” Ignite stared, dumbfounded. HK looked down.
Assurance: I will liquidate that Pipsqueak.

Xakthul's Avatar


Xakthul
09.08.2013 , 08:16 AM | #19
HK is completely destroyed from the waist down, I bet.
Duelist Mixalot, Grand Champ Tellsa, Lord Saml, Apprentice Syynx, Captain Cirris, Skirmisher Janewei, Jedi Knight Jugger'not, Agent Ez'zio of <Wookies and Cream>, Harbinger
"Aim for the trolls! Kill the trolls!"- Gandalf

Naweth's Avatar


Naweth
09.10.2013 , 09:44 PM | #20
HK looked down slowly and nearly dropped his blaster in shock. The droid’s once shiny copper chassis was now painted a bright pink with purple polka dots. The usually red photoreceptors now shone a sky blue as they regarded their Master, begging for permission to liquidate the one responsible. Ignite bit back a laugh, still confused as to the presence of the ghost and how HK was caught off-guard by Pipsy. The thought of the ghost instantly had the Sith back on the defensive, and he focused his gaze once more on the ethereal being.
“HK, do you see this?”
Distracted Acknowledgment: Yes, Master. The droid immediately fired three blaster shots which had Ignite desperately blocking with his lightsaber, deflecting them into the ceiling. Agitated, Ignite fired a burst of lightning which HK casually sidestepped. 2V-R8 walked in the doorway just in time to intercept the bolt of lightning; the protocol droid was adorned in similar colors as HK: lavender paint and pink polka dots.
“There’s been a complica-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t-i-i-i-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n.” He stammered before falling to the ground in a smoking husk.
“HK!” Ignite roared.
Satisfied Statement: At last the inferior model gets what’s deserved. Confused Query: Yes, Master?
“You fired at me!” Ignite flapped his arms at the ghost who remained passive, for the time being. “THAT is your target!” The Sith pointed dramatically.
HK cocked his head to the side and blinked once. Realization: Master, the Pipsqueak interrupted my calibrations. Clearly this unit’s assassination protocols need readjusted. Hopeful Query: Shall I liquidate the Pipsqueak for placing you in danger, Master?”
“Perhaps I should not warn you, flesh of my flesh.” The ghost rubbed his forehead in agitation.
“Oi!” Andronikus stumbled into the doorway. “Egads!” He gawked at the smoking remnants of 2V. “What happened?”
Reply: Master terminated the inferior---
“Now’s not a good time, HK!” Ignite snapped.
“Tulak Hord would have done much more damage,” Khem scoffed from behind the pirate, regarding the droid in amusement.
“Oh, says the one who had to have a colonosc—“
“I will fix the droid,” Khem dragged 2V away, the metal husk making an screeching against the floor of the ship.
Andro opened his mouth to comment and paused, rapidly turning to the side and snatching at something. “Gotcha!” He exclaimed. “Little devil was trying to modify my blasters again.”
“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa was thrust into the doorway, held by the collar. “Make blasters better!”
Plea: Master, may I liquidate the Pipsqueak?
“A Jawa?” The ghost snorted. “Flesh of my flesh, you are insane—“
“NOT helping!” Ignite roared. “Pipsy!” He spat out the name. “Pray tell me why you painted—“
“Pipsy make Mean Droid nice!” Pipsy pointed at HK who straightened. “Fix eyes! Make pretty! Fix weak chassis. Make pretty! Pipsy also prettify Nice Droid! Very very nice!”
Ignite drug his hand down his face, baffled.
Indignant Retort: This unit’s chassis is not classified as, “weak!” I have never had my chassis breached by any undesirable… HK trailed off as Pipsy whipped out a screwdriver from her robes and twisted in Andro’s grip, easily prying open HK’s chassis.
Threat: The Pipsqueak will cease hostilities against this unit at once.
“This is the hope of my legacy?!” The ghost gestured incredulously at Ignite. “Oh, flesh of my flesh, how far have we fallen?”
Ignite swiped his lightsaber at the ghost; it passed harmlessly through and barely missed Pipsy, who squeaked and babbled. “Pipsy fix Mean Droid! Turn back to Mean! Boss no hurt! Pipsy sorry!”
“No!” Ignite watched as Pipsy detached herself from Andro with practiced ease and activated her lightsaber, cleanly taking the legs off of HK. The droid collapsed in a heap and Andro’s mouth dropped open. “Pipsy improve! Make much better! Boss see! Then be happy!”
Desperate Cry: Meatbag, save me!
“Uhhh,” Andro watched as Pipsy heaved the droid into the hyperdrive room. “I would, HK, but she really is good with modifications.”
Agitated Response: This unit DOES NOT need modific— HK cut off as Pipsy deactivated him and pried open his chassis.
“My beautiful droid,” Ignite muttered in disbelief as he watched the Jawa massacre his crowning achievement.
“Yeah,” Andro eased away from the door. “I’m going to go check on Khem and leave you with the—well—whatever it is.”
“I am Lord Kallig, and you are my descendant, flesh of my flesh,” the ghost introduced himself, displeased with Ignite’s distraught look. “I have expended too much energy to come here and my time is limited.”
“My droid…” Ignite droned.
“Your Master, Darth Zash, has plans, flesh of my flesh. I cannot say what those are, but you deliver the very means of your doom to her. You must acquire my lightsaber if you hope to have any defense against her. It is in the tombs of Korriban, buried within a section of Tulak Hord’s—“
“You will not defile the legacy of Tulak Hord—“ Khem interrupted from across the ship.
“BAD TIME!” Ignite cut the Dashade off.
“Whatever you do, flesh of my flesh, ensure that Darth Zash does not succeed. She does not have the strength to lead the Sith to a new age of power, but you do. Redeem our legacy, flesh of my flesh; the legacy of Kallig!” With that command the ghost faded from the ship, returning to the Force and leaving Ignite alone. The ship’s intercom beeped and Ignite slammed his fist into the button.
“What?!”
“Just wondering where you’re wanting to go, boss,” Andro spoke in a subdued tone.
“Korriban,” Ignite cut the transmission and went to the holoterminal of his ship and began to call Darth Zash. Seconds later his Master fizzled to life and appeared to scramble to pull her hood up.
“Apprentice!” She exclaimed, clearly out of breath. “I wasn’t expecting a call so soon.”
“I have your artifacts,” Ignite informed dryly.
“Oh, excellent!” Zash replied, whirling and ensuring her hood was drawn low over her face. “Meet me on Dromund Kaas, and bring the artifacts and your Dashade. This ritual to enhance your power is very much Force involved, so I would strongly suggest leaving the pirate and droid on your ship.”
Pipsy appeared behind Ignite, dragging a rather large power core to the hyperdrive room.
“And leave that Jawa on your ship too. Really, Apprentice, if you wanted a slave I could arrange—“
“Not a good time,” Ignite snarled.
“We all have our guilty pleasures...“
Ignite cut the feed, shaking his head. “Khem!” He roared.
“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh Tulak Hord never addressed me in such a way,” Khem rumbled, poking his head out of the med bay.
“I’m not Tulak Hord,” Ignite countered.
“I am painfully aware of that,” Khem returned to the droid.
“Dashade’s,” Ignite muttered, forgetting what he was going to ask the beast. The Sith fingered his lightsaber and began pacing, refusing to go in the direction of HK. Truth be told the Twi’lek didn’t think he could handle such a precious marvel being decimated by a Jawa. His loyalty was torn: he loved both Jawas and HK on almost equal terms.
“Are we there yet, Andro?” Ignite called.
“Coming out of hyperspace now!” Andro informed, and the Sith felt the ship lurch.
“Get me on the surface, near Tulak Hord’s tomb, and keep everyone else on the ship,” Ignite threw on his cloak. “I won’t be long.”
“You will not defile the legacy of Tulak—“
“One more word and I’ll melt the whole tomb!” Ignite shouted.
“I obey, for now,” Khem acquiesced.
It didn’t take long and Ignite was soon breathing the stagnant air of Korriban, where death seemed to wait at every turn. Ignite didn’t even bother waiting for the ship to land; he hopped off the ramp to the ground and ignited his lightsaber, charging into the tomb with a murderous intent.
“Bets on how long he takes?” Andro leaned against the doorway of the med bay. Somehow the Dashade had managed to tear the arms off of 2V and Andro raised an eyebrow as he saw Khem’s claws puncture the droid’s chassis. “Want some help with that?”
“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh we never experienced such trials,” Khem muttered.
Andro paused. “What exactly did you do on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?”
Khem blinked. “I hunger.”
“Noted,” Andro shut up.

Ignite returned to the ship an hour later, Kallig’s lightsaber in hand, coated in blood; he set the lightsaber on the table and stormed into the refresher, yelling out as he did. “Dromund Kaas!”
Andro and Khem entered the room, a restored 2V-R8 following. “Dare you to touch it,” Andro pointed at the lightsaber.
Khem considered the dare then removed himself to the storage bay.
“Oh, I cannot tell you how Master’s presence always warms my circuits!” 2V exclaimed. “It reminds me I am still functioning.”
“You weren’t an hour ago,” Andro made his way to the pilot’s chair.
“I beg your pardon, Master Andronikus?”
“Nothing,” Andro punched in the coordinates and activated the hyperdrive. Ignite emerged from the refresher with a small sigh, happy to see at least one thing working on his ship. 2V greeted him immediately.
“Can I get you anything, Master? A nice hot meal? A foot massage perhaps?”
“HK,” Ignite shoved past the droid and entered the hyperdrive room, surprised to see his droid standing at attention, his photoreceptors, now red, blinking idly as Pipsy ran circles around him, adjusting things left and right.
Greeting: Master.
“How are you, HK?”
Diagnostic: All is well, Master. My Meatbag Protection List is still in effect, otherwise the Pipsqueak would be liquidated. My chassis is restored, my photoreceptors are restored with minor improvements. All in all this unit has noted a one point three percent increase in efficiency. Begrudging Compliment: It seems the Pipsqueak did improve something.
“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa babbled. “Install shields and grappling hook for Mean Droid! Also make droid Mean again!”
Acknowledgement: A title I am most happy to bear, Pipsqueak.
“Pipsy also add smoke to droid! Very very good! Make many confused, including Pipsy. Pipsy also make droid armor stronger; but not Pipsy proof!”
Ignite sighed in relief. “So your assassination protocols are still intact, HK?”
Mocking Query: Why, Master, is that affection I am detecting in your tone?
Ignite scowled. “Just get yourself back to normal. I’d hate to have to terminate you.”
Reply: With pleasure, Master. Will this unit be allowed to liquidate the Undesirable Meatbag?
“You mean Zash?” Ignite looked over his shoulder. “I suppose you can tag along up to the Temple and liquidate everything along the way. I would like to see what this increase in efficiency looks like.”
“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa ran up and hugged Ignite’s legs, earning a small pat on the head.
“You’ll be coming also, Pipsy,” Ignite informed, “and Khem.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Andro yelled sarcastically. “I’ll just play Pazaak by myself!”
“You have two-vee!” Ignite fired back.
“Perfection is my goal, Master!” The droid quipped.
Andronikus groaned.
“All is finally back to normal,” Ignite smiled slightly, feeling confident in handling whatever Zash decided to throw at him. “I’m going to take a nap,” he called to his crew. “Wake me when we’re on Kaas.” The Sith sunk onto his bed and was out within minutes, happily dreaming of finally becoming a Sith Lord himself. All too soon he was awoken by the beeping of his intercom and was forced to answer.
“Yeah?” He rubbed his eyes and checked the clock. Two hours of sleep.
“We’re here,” Andro’s voice informed.
“Time for my promotion then,” Ignite rolled out of bed with a grin, immediately awake. “HK! Pipsy! Khem!”

*****