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The Inquisitor's Apprentice

Naweth's Avatar

08.19.2013 , 10:56 PM | #1
A/N: I've searched high and low for fan fiction revolving around Jawas, Blizz in particular. After a disappointing bout I decided that since there is so little I should attempt my own go of it. So, here it is!

This story is about my Sith Sorcerer, Ignite. I started a bit ahead of the storyline, so potential spoilers for those who haven't played up to Tatooine. Also, I love HK-51 and wanted to incorporate him into the story, so you'll see quite a bit of him.

Although the main character of this story is the Sith Inquisitor I will more than likely bring in the Bounty Hunter and Sith Warrior at some point, with a possible cameo of the Agent and their respective companions.

Summary: How would the Sith Inquisitor storyline have played out differently if a certain Jawa Shaman on Tatooine was acquired to be an Apprentice to the Apprentice rather than be killed or turned over to Imperial Intelligence? Delve in with me as we find out in this story that involves Force Lightning, HK-51, and a healthy amount of Jawas!

Chapter One: Pipsy

Hot; that's what the sand dunes of Tatooine were: very hot. Ignite, the Sith Apprentice of Darth Zash, was cursing the day his master sent him to Tatooine as he trudged through the sands in search of one of the most far-fetched tales he'd ever heard spoken. The Twi'lek paused, his lekku twitching as the wind mercifully buffeted his black robes, and took a steadying breath while wiping the sweat from his red-skinned brow and squinting against the suns.
Bemoaning Declaration: Master, why did you choose to bring me along on this mission? My reciprocator is rapidly becoming clogged with sand, reducing my efficiency by 0.0001 percent. This is unacceptable should I be required to liquidate the undesirables.
Ignite heaved an internal sigh and rolled his eyes. Even the mighty HK-51 can't stand the heat of this planet.
Observation: Master, your vital signs indicate you are displeased with my declaration.
Ignite chuckled. "Merely finding it amusing you dislike the heat as much as I, HK." He eyed the eight foot tall monstrosity, with its red eyes, copper plating, and Mandalorian blaster. An instrument of terror, the Hunter-Killer Droid was built for one purpose: assassination. Although at times HK could be quite agitating, Ignite found himself pleased with his diligent efforts on acquiring the droid as he had been more than useful on many occasions.
HK fell into step beside his master as the Sith began walking in the direction of what appeared to be two stone spires leading to a series of caves. Clarification: The heat does not bother this unit, Master. It is the sand and undesirables that displease us.
Ignite cocked an eyebrow at the droid. "Undesirables?"
HK nodded and flicked the safety off on his blaster, firing three shots in quick succession. The sands exploded around the droid and his master and three Sand People caught the blaster shots between their eyes, all falling dead before even managing to utter a cry. "Eat hot efficiency!" HK cried, flicking the safety back on his blaster.
"Nice pun," Ignite quipped.
Pleased Statement: Thank you, Master. This unit is happy to have liquidated the undesirables. If my count is correct, Master, I have surpassed your death count by two.
The Sith shrugged. "There is plenty of time for me to catch up." Ignite cringed as he thought of their current objective: investigating rumors of a Jawa able to use the Force. The Twi'lek sighed softly as he dwelled on the Sith Lord who had demanded he kill the creature, should rumors prove true, and deliver a regular Jawa to quell future rumors.
As a Sith, Ignite found this to be the most logical conclusion to the mission at hand; however there was one thing the Sith Lord had not counted on: Ignite loved Jawas. Truth be told the Sith was unsure of how to proceed as he could not bear the thought of killing one of the creatures. He was jarred from his internal conflict as they approached the network of caves where the supposed Force-wielding Jawa resided.
HK eagerly fidgeted with his blaster, pleased to begin liquidations once more. Ignite suddenly realized his mistake in bringing the droid along. HK hated Jawas.
Supplication: Master, this humble unit requests that I be allowed to liquidate all Pipsqueaks we encounter, including this so-called 'Force-wielding' meatbag.
"Stand down, HK," Ignite placed his hand upon the droid's blaster and lowered it. "I want to have a word with the Jawas before we begin--ah--liquidations."
Displeased Acquiescence: As you command, Master.
Ignite could've sworn he heard the droid sigh as it flicked the safety back on its blaster once more. At least he's pacified, for now, the Sith thought dryly. The two started inside, welcoming the temperature drop within the cave. HK's red eyes glowed in the dim lightning, the droid's head sweeping from left to right as he scanned for life forms.
They walked for several minutes before the cave began to narrow and bank to the left. They passed several vacated tents and came to a small rise in the cave where a much larger tent resided. Standing at the entrance, arms folded, was a Jawa, its yellow eyes glowing beneath its patched brown robes. Ignite held out his hand to halt HK, who eagerly pointed his blaster at the little creature.
The Jawa pointed at the Sith and jabbered something out; Ignite looked at HK. The droid turned his head to look at his master. Ignite raised an eyebrow.
Query: Yes, Master?
"Translate?" Ignite jabbed a thumb at the Jawa.
Petulant Statement: As if I would stoop so low to translate a Pipsqueak's--squeakings! Master, if you wish a droid to translate then I strongly suggest you bring along the worthless two-vee-are-eight!"
"Please?" Ignite attempted once more, politely.
Reiteration: Master, I find it an affront you request such a lowly task of this most efficient unit. Allow us to liquidate this--this--undesirable Pipsqueak meatbag and move along!
"HK," Ignite scowled. "Translate."
Displeased Admission: Very well, Master; but know that this unit wishes to be deactivated to spare itself from the shame of having been brought to such a low.
Ignite rolled his eyes at the over-dramatic droid and motioned for him to translate.
Unwilling Translation: You mean. Leave Jawa. Let clan go peace.
Ignite ignored his companion's dejected tone and spoke to the Jawa. "Are you the Shaman of this clan?" The Jawa motioned to the Sith and jabbered for several seconds. HK remained silent until Ignite poked his chassis.
Disgusted Translation: Me Shaman. Strong in magics. Protect clan.
Ignite felt a tremor in the Force as HK finished, surprised that it was emanating from the little Jawa. The creature raised its arms and several rocks flew at the Sith who reacted instinctively, igniting his lightsaber with a snap-hiss and slicing the rocks before they reached him. Clearly the Jawa was untrained in the Force but had sensitivity to it, surprising the Sith more than he cared to admit.
Bemused Observation: The Pipsqueak is bold, Master. Perhaps I should offer my services to her instead of you.
"Her?" Ignite turned to his droid.
Clarification: The Pipsqueak is female, Master.
"Does she have a name?"
Snide reply: Pipsqueak.
"I'll call her Pipsy." Ignite nodded to himself, pleased with the nickname. The Jawa gave an "Utinni!" at the name.
Concerned Admission: Master, naming such a undesirable is indicative of attachment. Allow me to liquidate this one so we can be on our way.
"That won't be necessary, HK," Ignite deactivated his lightsaber and clenched his fist, allowing lightning to crackle around his hand. He sent a bolt flying at Pipsy's feet, causing the Jawa to back-pedal and fall on her rump. The Twi'lek approached and knelt, placing his hand upon the Jawa's hooded head and calling upon the Force, ripping her language from her mind so he could understand her and not tax his droid any more than was necessary.
"Put Pipsy on the list of meatbags to protect at all costs," Ignite called to HK. The droid bristled indignantly and fidgeted with his blaster, strongly considering mutiny.
Protestation: Master, this meatbag is not worth protecting! My reciprocator is buzzing in terror of what this pipsqueak can do to me if left unchecked! Allow me to at least defend myself should the need arise!
"I'll keep her in check," Ignite promised. HK was silent for several minutes before he finally returned his blaster to his back and held out his hands helplessly.
Sulking Statement: It is done, Master.
"Pipsy," Ignite addressed the Jawa, now that his droid was subdued. "You will be coming with me and your clan shall not be harmed. I will, however, need a volunteer if you don't mind." A plan was rapidly forming in the Sith Apprentice's mind; one that made him smile at the mere thought of it.
"Pipsy go. Keep Clan safe. Many Jawa volunteer. They not be harmed?"
"No, they will not," Ignite promised. "I will ensure it."
"Very very good." Pipsy nodded several times. "You come. Pipsy take. We go."
Ignite chuckled and rubbed his hands together as they made their way to the exit of the cave. The Sith narrowed his eyes as he noted three Imperial soldiers waiting at the entrance. He signaled HK and the droid prepared his blaster, all too eager to vent some steam at the trauma he'd just endured.
Pipsy returned with another Jawa who waved at the Sith and followed. The three guards saluted Ignite as he approached and eyed HK warily, the droid's eyes flickering from one meatbag to the next.
"My Lord, we were sent to acquire the Jawa. We assume you have subdued it?"
"Yes," Ignite nodded and presented the volunteer. "Here is the Jawa as requested."
The three eyed Pipsy. "And the other?"
"Is not your concern," Ignite replied crisply, his tone indicating he would not take questioning lightly. The guards all snapped salutes.
"Yes, my Lord! As you say. We will take this one then." The reached down to shackle the volunteer when Ignite raised his hand; all three guards clutched at their throats frantically.
"This Jawa is not to be harmed, nor chained," he declared dangerously. "If word reaches my ears that he was treated poorly, I will personally shock you until you explode." HK remained oddly silent; the droid usually offered his own form of death in instances such as these. Ignite chalked this up to him still being upset over his master's decision. He released the guards who all fell to their knees, gasping for air.
"W-we understand," choked the leader, "m-my Lord."
"Good." Ignite exited the cave without another word, HK and Pipsy following behind. Once they were a sufficient distance away from the caves the Sith paused and knelt to regard his new companion. "You are untrained in the ways of the Force," he explained to the Jawa. "I will take you on as my Apprentice and teach you."
"Pipsy like tall one! He nice to Jawa. Me call you Boss!"
Ignite chuckled and turned to HK. "HK, I need you and Pipsy to locate the artifact. I have a Sith Lord to pacify. I should also speak with Khem so he does not attempt to devour our little friend here. She must go unnoticed by Zash until the time is ripe to overthrow my Master."
Indignant Response: Master, I strongly request that I not be forced to traipse around this planet with the Pipsqueak!
"I'm sorry, HK," Ignite shrugged. "I trust in your ability to handle this mission. Besides, you need to bond with our new friend!"
HK scoffed. Compromise: Master, I request weapons free.
"Granted," Ignite allowed. "But no Jawas!"
Reluctant acknowledgment: Yes, Master.
"Pipsy help droid!" The Jawa gave a thumbs up. "Make improvements!"
Threat: If you touch my chasis I shall liquidate you with extreme prejudice!
"You no hurt Pipsy! Boss said." The Jawa pointed at the droid.
"Have fun," Ignite choked back a laugh as he started off to Mos Ila, leaving a very agitated HK-51 and happy Pipsy. The droid looked down once more at the creature he hated and fingered the trigger of his blaster, the desire to disobey his Master running strongly through his reciprocator.
Statement: Do not impede my mission, meatbag.


Feel free to provide any corrections and thoughts! I wrote this late at night and wanted to share it!
Thank you!
(More to come soon!)

Adwynyth's Avatar

08.20.2013 , 01:12 PM | #2
A Jawa Sith.

Kill me now. I've seen everything.

NO NO NOT YOU HK! *dives for cover*
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

Naweth's Avatar

08.22.2013 , 10:50 PM | #3
"The Jawa Shaman has been killed and a dummy put in its place," Ignite reported to Lord Berow. The Sith Lord gave a small sigh of relief and offered a tiny smirk.
"Well done," she congratulated. "Now none will be wiser to the truth of those wretched creatures."
Ignite shrugged and accepted the sum of credits, departing out the door and heading for the cantina in Mos Ila to relax for a moment. Along the way he noted Khem Val, his Dashade slave, approaching and slowed his pace as the hulking beast approached.
"Master, I grow tired of waiting and hunger." He said in deep reverberating tone that would chill the blood of any non-Sith.
"Good to see you, Khem," Ignite nodded and beckoned the Dashade to follow. I was on my way to the cantina to grab a drink, care to join me?"
"Do I have a choice?"
Ignite paused. "Not really, no."
"Then I obey. For now."
"Still thinking about the day you'll devour me?"
"I was the Conqueror of the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh, servant to Tulak Hord. My strength grows with every Force-user I devour. Soon I shall have the strength to--"
"Yes yes," Ignite waved off the rant. "Devour me and whatnot."
"Tulak Hord usually let me finish." Khem stated, disappointment evident in his tone.
"I'm not Tulak Hord," Ignite reminded the Dashade.
The two entered the cantina to find it sparsely populated and took a seat at an empty table. Ignite exhaled and welcomed the cool air and shade until his reprieve was interrupted by a dark-skinned man who plopped down beside the Sith.
"Khem, do you eat non-Force users?" Ignite inquired.
Khem stared at the man blankly before blinking. "No."
"Should've let you finish," Ignite mumbled under his breath. He regarded the man who was giving him a hard stare that would warrant a painful death on any other occasion; however Ignite was simply too tired to be bothered with frying the imbecile and, secretly, impressed with his boldness. "Greetings."
"What's a Sith doing on Tatooine?" The man sat back and moved his gaze to the Dashade who growled.
"Sith stuff," Ignite stated blandly.
"Well I have a proposition for you, Sith," the man leaned forward. "One I think you may like."
"My name is Andronikos Revel," the man introduced himself and held out his hand which Ignite pointedly ignored. "I'm a Pirate captain, or was, until my crew mutinied on me. I've hunted down every single member of that crew except for one: my first mate Syles Wilkes."
"Fascinating," Ignite downed a glass of water and waved for another.
"Here's the good part," Andronikos promised. "I've finally tracked down Syles to this planet, and need help collapsing the net I've woven around him. You're new in town, and a Sith, so I think we'll make a good team."
"I still don't see what the benefit of this partnership is for myself."
"We were smuggling Sith artifacts; knowing Syles, he'll have them all nearby stashed away. Sith go crazy over those things, so don't try to tell me you're any different."
Ignite furrowed his brow, his lekku twitching as he thought. Coming to a swift decision he nodded at Khem and stood. "You've got my attention, Pirate."
"Glad to hear it!" Andronikos exclaimed, standing and clapping the Sith on the shoulder. "Here's what I'll need you to do..."

Reminiscence: Master stated I was to track down and acquire an artifact, but he failed to specify which he desired: the Czerka or Tulak Hord artifact.
"We can find both for Boss!" Pipsy waved her hands and bounced on her heels excitedly. "Pipsy know where Czerka base is. We go. Many many droids."
Admission: This unit does not know where to begin, so I will follow your lead. Threat: Do not think to trick me, Pipsqueak, or I shall liquidate you.
"No tricks. Many droids. Lots to kill. You like."
Acknowledgement: My reciprocator buzzes at the thought of eclipsing Master's kill count even further. Lead on.
"That not make reciprocator buzz. That sand!"
Denial: Do not think you know the intricacies of my chassis, Pipsqueak.
"Pipsy improve droid for Boss! Make better! Add shields and better targeting system!"
Indignant Reply: This unit does not need upgra--Intrigued Query: Shields?
"Yes, Pipsy need few things, but Pipsy make."
HK was silent as his scanners picked up a life form behind the sand dune they were approaching. He flicked the safety off his blaster and the thrill of the hunt passed through his circuitry as his scanners identified the life form.
Elated statement: There is a meatbag that I can eliminate ahead.
"We go around dune then," Pipsy began tugging uselessly at HK's leg. The Droid walked forward, taking Pipsy with him; the Jawa latched onto his leg in confusion.
HK crested the hill and immediately fired several shots at the life form below. The meatbag, a Jedi, immediately ignited his lightsaber and deflected the bolts, charging up the hill as HK continued to fire while Pipsy clung to his leg in terror.
Statement: You're already dead, just lie down!
The Jedi, having recovered from his initial surprise, approached more slowly upon seeing it was a singular droid. He continued to deflect the shots with relative ease, frustrating HK further and further.
Prognosis: Obviously this unit is suffering from decreased efficiency due to sand. Lament: Why did Master bring me to this planet?
"I fix!" Pipsy declared, immediately attempting to pry open the thigh plating of HK. The Droid, remembering the Jawa, snatched her by the collar. Pipsy gave a squeak before she felt herself flying through the air in the direction of the Jedi who, seeing a Jawa, deactivated his lightsaber as Pipsy crashed into him. HK fired once and the Jedi fell to the ground with Pipsy atop him.
The Jawa babbled incoherently for several moments before finally untangling herself and charging HK who ignored the nuisance and fired one more shot at the Jedi, ensuring he was dead. Satisfied, the droid pried the Jedi's weapon loose and turned to regard a furious Pipsy.
"Boss say no hurt Pipsy!"
Statement: I did not hurt you.
"Droid threw Pipsy at scary man!"
HK shrugged.
"Scary man could have killed Pipsy!"
Hopeful reply: If only.
"Pipsy--" The Jawa paused as HK dropped the lightsaber into her hand.
Musings: If the Pipsqueak is to be Master's apprentice, then she will need a weapon.
Pipsy examined the weapon in fascination, jabbering to herself as she attempted to pick it apart. HK began walking once more and the Jawa followed, not really paying attention.
Warning: Do not point that thing at me, Pipsqueak.
"Pipsy not stupid! Know how to--" She squeaked as the lightsaber suddenly activated just above her head, causing her to fall onto her back. "Pretty!" She pointed at the cyan blade.
HK shook his head. Personal Note: This unit calculates the lifespan of the Pipsqueak to be one month two days three hours. If she does not liquidate herself, then Master surely will during training, albeit accidentally.
Pipsy swung the lightsaber around, completely oblivious to the droid's declaration.
Command: There is a mission to complete, meatbag. Lead on.
The Jawa deactivated the lightsaber and dropped it into the nearest pouch hanging off her robes, patting it and releasing a satisfied, "Utinni!" She hurried alongside the droid and pointed.
"That way. Droid nice! Give Pipsy pretty weapon. Pipsy forgive droid for throwing. Upgrade with shields when we get back. Good shields."
Admission: I look forward to these upgrades, assuming they work.


Naweth's Avatar

08.27.2013 , 09:53 PM | #4
“Well that was a tad excessive,” Ignite muttered as he eyed the Dashade. Khem had remnants of robes hanging from his teeth and continued chewing, oblivious to Andronikos’s horrified stare. Ignite shook his head and opted to not comment.
“My strength grows,” Khem directed his gaze to his master.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Ignite turned to Andronikos, “Mission accomplished?”
The pirate holstered his blaster and cleared his throat. “I would say I wanted to kill him…” He trailed off as Khem swallowed. “But, yes, vengeance has been served.”
Ignite walked over to the pile of Sith artifacts and began searching. “Don’t suppose you remember what these things look like, Khem?”

Statement: It would appear that the secret facility of Czerka has been found. Incredulous Observation: How any could call this facility ‘secret’ baffles my higher programming. It is jutting out of the middle of the dunes!
“This place,” Pipsy was oblivious to HK’s self-musings and poked the droid in the shin. “Many many droids. Much killing. You like. Jawa no come here anymore, too much droids. Lots of salvage though. If we clear many Jawa will come.”
Promise: And many pipsqueaks will die.
“No kill Jawa!” Pipsy babbled in agitation. “Kill Jawa and Pipsy not give droid shield knowing.”
Begrudging Acknowledgement: We will not harm the pipsqueaks for now.
“Good. Very good. You come now, kill droids.”
Statement: With pleasure.
The two entered the facility and started on a downward slope. HK’s scanners immediately picked up dozens of life forms, causing the droid to halt momentarily.
Query: If this facility is inhabited by droids, why are my sensors picking up meatbags?
“Those people,” Pipsy explained. “Turned droids by old salvage. It why Jawa no come here anymore.”
Statement: Interesting. HK readied his blaster and continued until the slope flattened out, revealing four of the ‘droids’ standing in an almost mechanical manner. HK fired four times. Four forms fell. Pipsy stayed behind the Hunter-Killer Droid, keeping just enough distance from HK so as to not be thrown into the fray once more.
HK trudged along with impunity, killing eight more meatbags before finally pausing and cocking his head to the side. Disappointed Admission: The meatbags here do not appear to want to fight back, or are not picking up on this unit’s most excellent design. Either way, this unit grows bored of this place.
“Boss want artifact,” Pipsy reminded. “We get. Boss happy.”
HK looked over his shoulder before nodding and continuing. It wasn’t long until they reached what appeared to be the central hub of the facility, where computers lined ever wall, all currently processing data at an alarming rate. Several tubes stood with individual generators on three separate walls. HK’s scans revealed these contained meatbags to liquidate.
In the center of the room floated an odd triangular device that immediately drew Pipsy’s attention; the Jawa having never seen such a thing. She approached and babbled incoherently, running circles around it and throwing her arms up.
“Salvage!” She finally managed. “Many many years old! This artifact!”
HK approached and tapped the device with the tip of his blaster. A rod protruded from above the artifact and soon a holograph of an odd species appeared. Pipsy immediately stopped her inspection of the artifact and stared up in awe.
“We have forgotten our name, having been imprisoned for so long,” the hologram spoke.
Mocking statement: Then you are the Imprisoned One.
“I am Rakata,” the hologram corrected. “Years ago our Infinite Empire ruled this world and many others.”
Correction: Many, not all.
“I rose to higher power, creating these skin-vessels to—“
Statement: Meatbags.
“Will you let us finish?” The Rakata folded its arms.
HK fired four times through the hologram, immediately disarming the nearby tubes containing the meatbags the droid knew would soon be set free. The Rakata paused, currently too surprised to speak. HK whirled and grabbed Pipsy, hurling her off in the direction of a set of tubes.
Command: Disarm the tubes and liquidate the undesirables with extreme prejudice!
HK didn’t bother acknowledging the Rakata nor observe the Jawa’s progress as he stormed off in the direction of the final set of tubes, intent on liquidating the threat and returning to his master in hopes of finally being free of the sand-ridden planet.
While HK went on his liquidating spree Pipsy shook her head and stood. After dusting herself off (and ensuring all of the salvaged materials were still in her pouches) she walked over to the tubes and began a cursory inspection.
“Hmm, tubes powered by generator, much power. Make many things. Pipsy not knowing. Overload generator, slice computer, beat up droids, then salvage!” The Jawa hurried over to the generator and began attempting to pry the nearest access door open, without much success.
Behind the Jawa the Rakata was watching HK’s efficiency with a mixture of shock and awe. A flicker of hope entered its mind, however, as it turned its gaze to Pipsy.
“You will not be able to break through that generator, slave, for it was built by my Infinite…”
Pipsy, having grown frustrated, removed her lightsaber and ignited it, shoving it into the panel and frying countless wires and circuitry; three seconds later the generator blew, sending the Jawa and lightsaber across the room.
The Jawa picked herself up, ignoring her smoking robes, and hurried over to the computer, pounding her hands on the keys she could reach. “Pipsy not know slicing. Do what she can!” At some point the computer, in its dying throes, not only began production but increased its rate by three hundred percent. Satisfied she had successfully nullified the system, Pipsy turned to observe a dozen skin-vessels standing a few feet away.
“Pipsy need to learn slicing knowing,” she told herself before igniting her lightsaber once more. She was saved from melee combat, however, by the computer exploding behind her, effectively shutting down the control of the skin-vessels. Several blaster bolts flew through the air, each striking a meatbag and giving HK an impressive lead over his master in their game.
Declaration: Threat nullified. Mission accomplished.
Pipsy turned and began rummaging through generator and computer scraps on her hands and knees, her lightsaber still humming, forgotten, on the ground behind her. HK gave a disgusted shake of his head and approached the artifact and the rather peeved Rakata hologram.
Ominous Assurance: Master will know what to do with you, Imprisoned One. I will take you to him so that you may join his ranks of slaves.
“The Rakata will never—“ The hologram cut off as HK viciously ripped the wires and cords from the artifact, snatching it with both hands and carrying it over to the Jawa who was nodding to herself in satisfaction, having acquired quite a bounty of salvage.
“We take power core,” Pipsy pointed at a core the size of herself. “Need for shields.”
Statement: Very well, Pipsqueak. You carry the core, and this most efficient unit shall carry the Master’s artifact.
Pipsy was silent for several moments.
“Maybe we not need power core that bad.”

Adwynyth's Avatar

08.28.2013 , 03:05 AM | #5
Ahahahahaha! I'm loving this. The image of the robes hanging from Khem's mouth is priceless.
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress

Syart's Avatar

08.31.2013 , 01:36 AM | #6
This is great <3
Control, passion, diligence: these three principles shape your world.

Lord Scourge: To repeat a mistake and expect a beneficial outcome is a sign of insanity.

Naweth's Avatar

08.31.2013 , 11:38 PM | #7
HK trudged to the docking bay where his Master’s ship waited, oblivious to the incredulous stares of the meatbags he passed. In his hands was the Rakatan artifact, the Imprisoned One still contained within, and on his back was Pipsy, clinging to him wearily, having given up on walking halfway to Mos Ila.
“Pipsy thank nice droid for carrying. Make upgrades to weapon.”
Threat: Do not touch my weapon, Pipsqueak. Demand: Do not mention my carrying of you to Master. Had it been up to this unit, you would be rotting in the desert.
The droid walked up the boarding ramp of the ship and entered, drawing the stares of the four sitting at the round table. HK paused and carefully set the artifact down before detaching the Jawa from his shoulders and removing his blaster.
Confused Query: Master, are your photoreceptors working properly? There is a meatbag within two feet of you, still breathing I might add. Shall I liquidate him for you?
Ignite chuckled.
“Meatbag?” Andronikus stared up at the droid in a mixture of horror and confusion.
Clarifying Statement: Meatbag anatomy indicates your body is seventy five percent fluids. How you can stand all of that sloshing around is a conundrum to this unit’s higher programming. Query: Master, may I liquidate this undesirable now?
“I’m afraid not, HK,” Ignite shook his head, having just come out of the refresher moments before the droid’s arrival. “Add Andro to the list of meatbags to protect.”
HK was silent for a few moments. Statement: It is done, Master.
“Boss!” Pipsy rushed the table, causing Khem’s eyes to widen and his face to scrunch in disgust. Andronikus blanched and leaned back from the little creature.
“On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh Jedi soiled themselves at my approach. Not even in the service of Tulak Hord have I smelt something so foul!” Khem rumbled.
“Make it bathe!” Andronikus begged, gagging.
Resolution: Shall I liquidate the Pipsqueak?
Ignite exhaled and breathed in through his mouth. “Pipsy,” he managed breathily. “You need a bath. The refresher is down the hall to the right.” He gestured behind him.
Everyone froze. Khem’s mouth dropped open, and Andronikus felt a cold sweat bead on his brow; HK stared at the Jawa in something akin to respect.
Mocking Statement: Now the Pipsqueak shall be liquidated.
Ignite rubbed his forehead, contemplating how to handle this blatant disregard for his authority without harming the creature and managing to not appear weak in the eyes of his servants.
“Why not?” He questioned, genuinely curious.
“Waste water, no good,” Pipsy shook her head. “Me go, fix ship. Never seen! Very very nice!”
Ignite snatched the Jawa by the collar. “I promise you we have plenty of water to indulge. I must insist, Pipsy.” The Jawa squirmed. “Come, it’s not that bad, and you’ll feel better after,” the Sith assured. “I’ll even start it up for you.”
The Twi’lek deposited the Jawa, robes and all, in the refresher and turned the water as hot as he felt she could handle before departing and calling over his shoulder, “I’ll have some new robes for you when you get done.”
Pipsy babbled incoherently, spluttering and struggling with the foreign concept of showering. Ignite returned to his seat and was about to address HK when 2V-R8 approached.
“I have just finished applying a new coat of paint to your quarters, Master. Same color, only fresher!”
Statement: The worthless model approaches, Master.
“How rude!” 2V whirled on his counterpart. “You know my chassis wasn’t built for combat!”
Query: Master, why do you keep such an inferior model around when you have one with higher programming in your service?
“2V takes care of the things you won’t, HK,” Ignite pointed out, grabbing a deck of Pazaak cards and dealing. “Would you care to join us?”
Interjection: Master, you have not yet addressed the artifact I have brought you.
“Oh, right,” Ignite paused. “What is it, exactly? We found the artifact of Tulak Hord with the assistance of Andro here.”
Reply: This contains a new slave for you, Master.
“Oh?” Ignite perked up at that claim. “Who?”
Response: The Imprisoned One.
The Sith frowned. “If you’re trying to pull a joke, HK…”
HK straightened. Indignant Statement: This unit does not ‘joke’ as you meatbags put it. I am, however, well versed in threats across one hundred species and languages.
“I saw such prisons on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh,” Khem spoke. “They are older than the legacy of Tulak Hord himself.”
“Rakatan,” Andronikus rubbed his chin. “At least that’s what I make of it.”
Ignite shrugged. “Put it in the cargo bay, HK; good work, by the way.”
Pleased Statement: Thank you, Master.
“Now then, prepare to lose…” Ignite trailed as he looked down to note his ship was currently flooded with water. “How?”
Pipsy came bolting out in fresh black robes which were four sizes too big for her. She tripped and splashed over to Ignite. “Boss! Bath nice! Very very nice! Pipsy take! Go see ship now?”
Ignite nodded, confounded. The Jawa bolted down the nearest hallway, babbling. 2V came out of the refresher moments later. “There’s been a complication, Master! Don’t deactivate me!”
“Define complication,” Ignite folded his arms.
Amused Statement: Perhaps this unit shall be allowed to liquidate the inferior model.
“Mistress Pipsy clogged the drain, Master.”
Andronikus burst out laughing, slapping the table and shaking his head. “Hair,” he wheezed.
Ignite cracked a smile while Khem watched silently. “HK, mind cleaning that up?”
Confused Reply: Master, the sand has partially obscured my audioreceptors. Could you repeat that?
“Well, Jawa’s are hairy creatures,” Ignite informed. “So she must’ve clogged the drain when she took her bath.” The Sith looked up at his droid with a wry grin. “I thought you said two-vee-are-eight was useless? Use that higher programming to go fix the refresher.”
Exasperated Response: As if this unit would allow himself to be reduced to a mere—mere cleaning droid! That’s what Master has inferior models for! My assassination protocols would suffer greatly if this unit was reduced to such a low.
Ignite nodded sagely. “I suppose it’s a good thing we have two-vee here, huh?”
Emphatic Agreement: As always, Master, you are very correct. This unit is great—Self Berating: This unit has allowed himself to be tricked. Master, you are very good at this.
“So you won’t be cleaning the refresher?”
HK was silent.
“What about liquidating the inferior model?”
Informative Statement: This unit is going to take an oil bath, Master. Should you need my most excellent services feel free to find me.
With that said the droid turned and stormed off. Andronikus wiped his eyes and coughed, clearing his throat. “Never thought I’d laugh that much,” he admitted.
“I hunger,” Khem grabbed at his cards, tearing two in half.
“You’re always hungry,” Ignite looked up to see Khem holding one card, two others impaled on his claws, and the remaining of his deck in tatters. “And apparently you always destroy my Pazaak decks!”
“Tulak Hord never played Pazaak.”
“I’m not—“ Ignite heard several clangs and clinks which gave him pause. “Where’s Pipsy?” He questioned slowly.
Andronikus pointed. “That way.”
Ignite was up in a flash, using the Force to enhance his speed, hoping that the little Jawa was not destroying his precious ship. Andronikus and Khem watched the Twi’lek depart in the direction of his room and shrugged at one another.
“You know when you have your cards impaled like that I can see them, yeah?”
“On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I once at a Jedi in two bites.”
“Point taken,” Andronikus grunted.

Xakthul's Avatar

09.02.2013 , 09:53 AM | #8
Master! Pipsy is taking everything apart
*HK is lying on the floor, his chest open and his wires showing
Statement: No s**t

This is AWESOME! Can't wait to see what you do when you do include the rest of the characters.

Btw, who would win in an eating contest: Khem or Baras?
Duelist Mixalot, Grand Champ Tellsa, Lord Saml, Apprentice Syynx, Captain Cirris, Skirmisher Janewei, Jedi Knight Jugger'not, Agent Ez'zio of <Wookies and Cream>, Harbinger
"Aim for the trolls! Kill the trolls!"- Gandalf

Naweth's Avatar

09.02.2013 , 01:45 PM | #9
Quote: Originally Posted by Adwynyth View Post
Ahahahahaha! I'm loving this. The image of the robes hanging from Khem's mouth is priceless.
Quote: Originally Posted by Syart View Post
This is great <3
Thank you both!

Quote: Originally Posted by Xakthul View Post
Master! Pipsy is taking everything apart
*HK is lying on the floor, his chest open and his wires showing
Statement: No s**t

This is AWESOME! Can't wait to see what you do when you do include the rest of the characters.

Btw, who would win in an eating contest: Khem or Baras?
Khem, hands down. Was Baras on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?

I think not.

Adwynyth's Avatar

09.02.2013 , 02:36 PM | #10
Quote: Originally Posted by Naweth View Post
Thank you both!
You're very welcome!

Quote: Originally Posted by Naweth View Post
Khem, hands down. Was Baras on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?

I think not.
Please...Darth Cartman's appetite could make even Khem nauseous.

Baras is the reason that donuts don't exist in Star Wars.
Horrendously bad fan fiction: Sith in a Pretty Dress