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The Darkness Waits


Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
03.25.2013 , 09:45 AM | #41
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
I'm curious to see where this goes. I must admit that the earlier chapters were a tad slow, but the last few chapters proved to be interesting.

However, I'm interested to see the Master threatened by something. It seems like everything is going his way, although he has his apprentices plotting against him.

I'm also not sure if he's the villain or the protagonist...
Considering the state of Post-ROTJ lore, I had to create someone overpowered. Luke being as he is leaves little room for non-OP villains. I had to create someone that wasn't a celestial being, but could be Luke's rival.

My thinking on this was 'Since Luke is so powerful, there is no point in making a normal villain.' I had to create someone that posed a real threat to Luke and the galaxy without making a new Abeloth.

This installment of the series is the calm before the storm. So it will be slow, but these final three chapters that I am working on will be action packed.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus

Beniboybling's Avatar


Beniboybling
03.25.2013 , 03:09 PM | #42
Quote: Originally Posted by Aurbere View Post
This installment of the series is the calm before the storm. So it will be slow, but these final three chapters that I am working on will be action packed.
I look forward to it.

Ventessel's Avatar


Ventessel
03.25.2013 , 05:46 PM | #43
Quote: Originally Posted by Aurbere View Post
Considering the state of Post-ROTJ lore, I had to create someone overpowered. Luke being as he is leaves little room for non-OP villains. I had to create someone that wasn't a celestial being, but could be Luke's rival.

My thinking on this was 'Since Luke is so powerful, there is no point in making a normal villain.' I had to create someone that posed a real threat to Luke and the galaxy without making a new Abeloth.

That is somewhat true. I'm dealing with a similar issue in my own story, which is set after the YV Wars. Rather than just engage in brinkmanship with the more overpowered characters, however, I'm focusing on developing characters who use nonlinear methods to engage people more powerful than themselves.

I see it as more of a mental chess game, where obviously the titans in the Jedi Order; Luke, Jaina, Jacen, etc. could crush their enemies... if only they could find them! It's a little bit of classic cloak and dagger, hitting at the defenseless allies to infuriate the powerful Force users.


Quote: Originally Posted by Aurbere View Post
This installment of the series is the calm before the storm. So it will be slow, but these final three chapters that I am working on will be action packed.
Ah, by slow I didn't mean that they lacked action, per se. Rather it was more that the plot developed along fairly straight lines, and I found myself skimming ahead to see if things took a turn. Once it became obvious that a prison escape was planned, it would have been more interesting to see it develop faster, or at least to have other, more complex plot lines develop alongside it so that they created dramatic tension as the escape drew imminent.
The Heir to ChaosAdded Chapter Sixteen-- 17 APR 2013
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~ George Orwell

Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
03.25.2013 , 07:04 PM | #44
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
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That is somewhat true. I'm dealing with a similar issue in my own story, which is set after the YV Wars. Rather than just engage in brinkmanship with the more overpowered characters, however, I'm focusing on developing characters who use nonlinear methods to engage people more powerful than themselves.

I see it as more of a mental chess game, where obviously the titans in the Jedi Order; Luke, Jaina, Jacen, etc. could crush their enemies... if only they could find them! It's a little bit of classic cloak and dagger, hitting at the defenseless allies to infuriate the powerful Force users.
I really do enjoy cloak and dagger stories, and your story is looking very good.

Quote:
Ah, by slow I didn't mean that they lacked action, per se. Rather it was more that the plot developed along fairly straight lines, and I found myself skimming ahead to see if things took a turn. Once it became obvious that a prison escape was planned, it would have been more interesting to see it develop faster, or at least to have other, more complex plot lines develop alongside it so that they created dramatic tension as the escape drew imminent.
Well, if it is tension you want, then that's what I'll give you. However, this installment wasn't meant for tension. It is a set-up for the next installment.



Chapter 21


Csilla- Csaplar- Commerce Center

Jaina Solo and Kyle Katarn stood in the shadows under an outstretched balcony in the Commerce Center of Csilla's capital city of Csaplar. The capital of Csilla was enclosed in a large shield to protect the city from the cold. The city was well-heated, forcing the two Jedi to remove their cold weather gear and don their traditional Jedi robes.

The Commerce Center was deserted. Csaplar had gone dark, waiting for the sun to rise for a new day. The two Jedi took this advantage to scout the city, searching for The Master's agent.

Kyle Katarn pointed west toward the towering structure of the spaceport. "Check the spaceport. I'll look around the commerce areas." He whispered to her.

Jaina nodded in agreement, and headed west for the spaceport, keeping to the shadows.

*** *** *** ***


Csilla- Csaplar- Commerce Center

The Assassin and his brother stood atop the Main Commerce Building of the Commerce Center. The Shadow leaned over the edge, watching the female Jedi Jaina Solo leave her partner and head for the spaceport.

"Good." The Assassin mused. "Defeating them will be much easier now that they have split up." He pointed The Shadow to Jaina Solo. "Take her when you see fit."

The Shadow studied her movements, watching her duck into an alleyway at the southwest side of the Commerce Center. "Very well. I'll take her." He leapt off of the Commerce building onto an adjacent roof, running across rooftops to follow Jaina.

The Assassin turned his attention to Kyle Katarn. He had heard of the veteran Jedi Master's skills in battle and greatly wished to see if the stories were true. He saw Kyle retreat into an alley at the northern side of the Commerce Center. He moved to follow, using his heightened night vision to keep an eye on Kyle as he followed him on the rooftops.

*** *** *** ***


Csilla- Csaplar- Spaceport

From the shadows of the spaceport, The Shadow studied Jaina Solo as she examined The Master's Defender-class shuttle. He could so easily kill her now, but the stories of her skill made him curious. He felt the urge to satisfy that curiosity. It was too great to ignore. He emerged from the shadows and cast his shroud of darkness off, revealing himself to Jaina Solo's senses.

Jaina quickly spun around, activating her blue lightsaber. She brought it in front of herself in defense. "So you're The Master's agent!"

The Shadow chuckled as he removed his black cloak. "No. But he has sent me to make sure you don't interrupt his plans." The Shadow gripped his double-bladed lightsaber. "You have been played, Jedi. The Master deceived you. He maneuvered you into a position to remove you."

"This may come as a surprise to you, but we expected this!" She said triumphant.

The door to the hangar opened, revealing Kyle Katarn. The Jedi Master activated his own blue lightsaber and entered the hangar.

The Shadow activated his lightsaber, its blade orange. He felt the presence of his brother as the two Jedi grouped together, lightsabers raised.

The Assassin appeared, standing on top of the Defender. He leapt down, activating his red double-bladed lightsaber, prepared to strike them both down. The two Jedi leapt to the side, Jaina landing to his right, Kyle to his left.

The Assassin locked his gaze on his brother's eyes. The Shadow saw bloodlust in his brother's eyes. The Assassin was ready for the kill.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus

Ventessel's Avatar


Ventessel
03.25.2013 , 10:56 PM | #45
As the Marines I know would say, "Yut, kill!"

I'm actually very curious about this duel now, since you as the author have an equal if not greater attachment to the two assassins as to the canon characters. So, plot armor is probably null and void for the time being.
The Heir to ChaosAdded Chapter Sixteen-- 17 APR 2013
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~ George Orwell

Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
03.26.2013 , 02:22 PM | #46
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
As the Marines I know would say, "Yut, kill!"

I'm actually very curious about this duel now, since you as the author have an equal if not greater attachment to the two assassins as to the canon characters. So, plot armor is probably null and void for the time being.
It's gonna be a close one. That's for sure. I've never written a two-on-two duel before, so we shall see how this goes.

I'll probably switch perspectives between The Shadow and The Assassin every paragraph.





Chapter 22


Csilla- Csaplar- Spaceport

The Shadow leapt to his brother's side. They stood back to back, facing their Jedi adversaries. The two Twi'leks slowly separated. The Assassin making his way to Kyle Katarn, while The Shadow approached Jaina Solo. The hum of lightsabers was all that could be heard within the Defender's docking zone.

The Shadow made a slight feint leftward, bringing his lightsaber to bear from the right. Jaina parried his blow, guiding it down and shoving in to engage The Shadow in tight quarters. She raised her right elbow up and hit The Shadow in the jaw. He quickly stumbled backwards and raised his double-bladed lightsaber to defend.

The Assassin made a low slash to Kyle's feet. Kyle leapt over The Assassin, landing behind him. He unleashed a powerful Force Push. The blast sent The Assassin careening into the Defender shuttle. The Assassin landed with a heavy thud, but quickly got up, shaking his head to gather his bearings. He retaliated with a burst of Force Lightning. Kyle blocked the bolts, absorbing them into his lightsaber.

The Shadow was pressing an offensive on Jaina Solo. He made quick strikes, alternating ends on his lightsaber with lightning speed. He was forcing Jaina back, but she was still able to block his blows. He continued to force her back, spinning his blade with each exchange to keep her off balance. Their lightsabers clashed briefly. The two is a stand-off until Jaina broke The Shadow's offensive.

The Assassin flipped back from a stab by Kyle Katarn. Upon his landing, he quickly sprinted to re-engage. He unleashed a torrent of blows, bringing his lightsaber down in a furious assault. He incorporated a spinning blade technique into his assault. Each blow came with lightning quick speed, followed by another blow from the other end of his lightsaber. The Assassin reached out with the Force, probing Kyle Katarn. He could feel the elder Jedi Master wearing down.

The Shadow had fallen back to the defensive. Jaina made heavy strikes, each blow coming in from a different angle. The Shadow backpedalled under the relentless onslaught. He feinted a strike from his frontal blade before bringing his rear blade in for a horizontal strike aimed at Jaina's right arm. In her attempt to block the frontal blade, her right arm was caught by The Shadow's deceptive attack. The blade created a deep gash in her arm, but she continued fighting. With renewed vigor at the success of his attack, The Shadow unleashed a new offensive.

The Assassin dodged left, the stab from Kyle's blade catching his left arm, leaving a small burn. Kyle attacked, using the fifth form of lightsaber combat to its fullest. The venerable Jedi Master made heavy downward strikes, followed by an equally powerful horizontal strike. Each strike was intent on destroying The Assassin's lightsaber.

The Shadow continued his offensive, using the two ends of his double-bladed lightsaber to make quick strikes. He could see Jaina Solo slowing, each block strained her arm. The Shadow took advantage of her fatigue. He made several quick strikes, each of them vertical upward or downward strikes. The Shadow made two more downward strikes then brought the hilt of his blade up, hitting Jaina in the chin. He then batted her lightsaber aside and sweeped her legs.

The Assassin continued to backpedal, letting Kyle wear himself out. As Kyle continued his assault, The Assassin studied the attack for weaknessess. With each strike, Kyle was weakening, suffering from The Assassin's dark power. He used the Force to slowly drain Kyle's energy.

The Shadow raised his lightsaber for the killing blow, savoring his victory over the helpless Jedi. As his lightsaber came down to impale her, Jaina used the Force to call her lightsaber to her. In a move too quick for the eye to follow, Jaina sweeped The Shadow's legs and impaled him in the chest with her own lightsaber.

The Assassin knocked Kyle back with a Force Push and watched in horror as Jaina Solo killed his brother. "Brother! No!" He shouted, his voice pained as if he had felt the blow. He blocked a slashing strike from Kyle. He broke Kyle's defense and brought his rear blade down to stab Kyle in the knee, the blade barely missing the bone. He pulled his blade out and sent Kyle careening past Jaina with a powerful burst of Force Lightning.

"You will pay for that, Jedi!" The Assassin yelled. "I'll kill you!"

The Assassin fired a burst of lightning before charging at Jaina Solo. Their lightsaber clashed. The Assassin growled as he pushed through Jaina's weakened defenses and unleashed a flurry of blows. His eyes burned with unmatched anger. His assault was quick. A full offensive was unleashed by The Assassin, with Jaina barely able to keep up.

With a sudden feint, The Assassin shoulder charged Jaina, knocking her to the ground.

"Now... DIE!" He yelled as he raised his lightsaber. But before he could bring it down, he felt a sudden pain. He looked down and saw a blue lightsaber sticking out of his abdomen. It was Kyle Katarn's lightsaber. He slowly turned his head and saw Kyle on the ground several meters behind him, a look of satisfaction on his face. The Assassin dropped his lightsaber, falling to his knees.

The blade retracted from his abdomen and returned to its master. The Assassin fell right, landing on the cold durasteel softly. "I'm sorry, brother." He said as his life ended.

*** *** *** ***


The Herald of Death- Bridge

The Master gripped the armrests of his throne. "Dead..." He said softly to himself. "Impossible."

He felt their deaths in The Force. His most trusted of students were dead. The Master was threatened to weep for their passing, but his sadness was overcome with rage. He had considered Jaina Solo insignificant, but the murder of three of his students had made her a serious threat.

His attention now turned to his daughter, hoping that she could do what The Assassin and The Shadow could not.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus

Ventessel's Avatar


Ventessel
03.26.2013 , 05:22 PM | #47
Jaino Solo, kicking *** and taking names.

For clarification's sake, are both the Shadow and Assassin wielding double bladed lightsabers?
The Heir to ChaosAdded Chapter Sixteen-- 17 APR 2013
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~ George Orwell

Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
03.26.2013 , 05:25 PM | #48
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
Jaino Solo, kicking *** and taking names.

For clarification's sake, are both the Shadow and Assassin wielding double bladed lightsabers?
She definitely did kick butt.

Shadow has an orange double-bladed lightsaber, Assassin's is a red one.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus

Ventessel's Avatar


Ventessel
03.26.2013 , 05:30 PM | #49
As a reflection on the duel itself, overall it worked fairly well, but from paragraph to paragraph, the pacing felt a little bit choppy at times.

In a fight, once you've closed with the enemy, it's usually a fight to the finish, disengaging can be extremely difficult unless your adversary also pulls back at the same time. Working unarmed attacks into a lightsaber duel is nice, however I think you used the same elbow strike in the earlier duel with the Master.

I did like the quick turn the duel took, although I'm always hesitant to have a character give a "Big No" after their friends are killed. The reaction people usually have is either silence, refusal to accept that they're dead yet, or else they scream expletives at the enemy and just generally get pissed off. Depending on their discipline and training, some people empty their magazines in short order, while more disciplined troops will just fight on. It's after the battle that it really hits you who you've lost.
The Heir to ChaosAdded Chapter Sixteen-- 17 APR 2013
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~ George Orwell

Aurbere's Avatar


Aurbere
03.26.2013 , 07:57 PM | #50
Quote: Originally Posted by Ventessel View Post
As a reflection on the duel itself, overall it worked fairly well, but from paragraph to paragraph, the pacing felt a little bit choppy at times.
Yeah, I was afraid of that, but I think it worked well for my first time writing something akin to that.

Quote:
In a fight, once you've closed with the enemy, it's usually a fight to the finish, disengaging can be extremely difficult unless your adversary also pulls back at the same time. Working unarmed attacks into a lightsaber duel is nice, however I think you used the same elbow strike in the earlier duel with the Master.
I did didn't I? Taking your comments into consideration, I'll modify each duel slightly.

Quote:
I did like the quick turn the duel took, although I'm always hesitant to have a character give a "Big No" after their friends are killed. The reaction people usually have is either silence, refusal to accept that they're dead yet, or else they scream expletives at the enemy and just generally get pissed off. Depending on their discipline and training, some people empty their magazines in short order, while more disciplined troops will just fight on. It's after the battle that it really hits you who you've lost.
Well, the two Twi'leks are twin brothers and share a special bond, so The Shadow's death hit The Assassin pretty hard. The "No" was kind of involuntary.
Added Chapter 40 to The Shadows Fall
"Your only hope to survive is to give in to the rage boiling within you, to acknowledge the Dark Side you deny, and tap into it!"--Darth Tyranus