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When I Wake

iamthehoyden's Avatar

11.19.2012 , 02:57 PM | #181
This tracking down of children and grandchildren has me curious/worried about how far she'll go. Cause she's capable of anything and certainly motivated enough.

Torian and Gault - made me chuckle. Ooo those two hate each other so good, lol.

and FTB eeek!!
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

EverSteam's Avatar

11.21.2012 , 09:22 PM | #182
Quote: Originally Posted by MilaniGrey View Post
Om nom nom Torian fade to black.. om nom..

Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
This tracking down of children and grandchildren has me curious/worried about how far she'll go. Cause she's capable of anything and certainly motivated enough.
Just have to see

Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
Torian and Gault - made me chuckle. Ooo those two hate each other so good, lol.
I like them hating each other. It's fun to write
I'm glad it made you chuckle


On Nar Shaddaa the next day...(or there abouts)

My conversation with the Sith is quick.

Tormen wants me back on the Tyrant to talk about the assault on the Chancellor and Jedi. We set course. It will take two days to arrive on the Tyrant but we'll have to spend a few hours here on Nar Shaddaa to refuel. Don't pay attention to Gault's complaints and even less to Mako's strange glee. Know there's something wrong with someone when they'd rather be in the middle of an Imperial fleet on a Sith's ship than be on a lot better and safer planet.

Hardly feel the burn of Torian's hand as he takes mine in his and leads me to our room. Because I have a feeling I am soon going home again: to Corellia. And that steals all other thoughts from my mind.

Ten or so hours later on the way to the Tyrant...

Gault and I are drinking like the old days. It feels kind of good. Almost forget how complicated things have gotten. Mako gave me half the information before. Haven't looked at it yet. She has two more days. Since Tormen called, we didn't spend more than two hours on Nar Shaddaa to fill up on fuel. Gault wasn't impressed. Moved our drinking to his room since where we used to is now Skadge's stink hole.

Gault sits on his bed, his back against the wall and his eyes on the blank wall across from him: I stare over the bed and his legs to the doorway and Mako's opposite closed door. Only been an hour and we've both made our way through two bottles of wine and Gault still hasn't mentioned what he wanted to talk to me about.

Torian wasn't happy when I told him I was going to drink with Gault. Didn't press it though. Know he'd never try and make me do anything. Smile at the memory of only an hour ago.

'Can't give you a better offer?' It feels nice to feel him brush my hair back behind my ear. He tries to stare intently into my eyes but it isn't his eyes I am looking at. When his fingers move to my chin and slowly raise my gaze from his bare torso, I smile a little.

'I'm sure you could, ner manda.' I take his hand in mine and move it away from my cheek. 'But I did cut his Nar Shaddaa vacation short.' Think I see part of a retort he doesn't want to say: I laugh and reply to it. 'I know I don't owe him anything. You have no reason to worry unless I come back with eighty more credits.'

His gentle smile shifts to his usual frown and it only makes me laugh a little more. 'Heard then?'

Never laugh this much except for when I'm with him. 'Think everyone heard it, Torian' He looks away from me. Know he only did it to protect my precious honour. 'If you don't want me to hear another one of your bonding sessions, I suggest not doing it outside my room.'

His lips twitch but he doesn't look at me. I gently turn his face to me, my fingers lightly pressing on his cheek. His skin warms them so quickly I could almost mistake it for my own warmth. 'Don't let him get to you, jate Torian.' I kiss his frowning lips gently and press my forehead against his, my legs straining to keep my feet on tip toe. 'Did like you defending my ijaat though.'

He smiles a little and tightens his grip on my hand. 'Any time, Cyare. Ratiin.' Still feel the same thrill as his lips press against mine. Really do love the honourable man in arms. Don't think I could ever get used to something so impossibly breathtaking.

I move away laughing, saying Gault's waiting for me. Stop at the doorway and look back at him as he stands where I left him. I throw him a smile. Extend my blade and hold it up, letting our dim lights shine on the surface. 'Just remember to occasionally save some for me.'

'You heard of someone called Hylo Visz?'

Gault's voice brings me out of the ending memory and I wish I as upstairs with my sleeping Mando'ad. My smile is a twitch at the corners. When Gault says her name to me, there is still the love I hear in his mumbled dreams.

'Yeah, she broke the Mando'ad blockade at Hydian Wyde. She sounded like my kind of woman.'

Gault raises a ridge of skin that I assume is the equivalent to an eyebrow and smirks at me. 'Mando'ad, eh? I see he is managing to turn my ruthless individual killer into a good little team member after all.' I raise a sceptical eyebrow at being called his.

The movement only makes his sneer wider and he continues. 'This wasn't what I meant when I said you made a lot of new friends. If I knew you were looking for a friend like that I would have offered my services a lot earlier.'

I sharply dig my elbow into his stomach and he winces and say he made the offer as soon as we met and hasn't stopped since. Think I hit the same place where Torian had. But he forgets about his teasing and smiles a little as he thinks of something far away, never responding to my comment. 'But yeah. She was quite the woman. We made that run together.'

I look at him like he was the new attraction at a circus and I'd never seen anything like it before. Knew immediately from the way he says her name. I want to know where this going. And I want to meet the woman that makes Gault turn into a real person. Guess if I could meet her, Gault wouldn't be here.

'She dropped off the radar shortly after we made the run. People think that the Hutt's were behind her disappearance but anyone who knew her knows that they would have a better chance winning a marathon.' He sighs and I think this is the first time I've seen Gault look at someone other than his own reflection with admiration and respect. 'No. She's still out there... somewhere.'

I punch Gault's shoulder a little. 'Never thought you would be love struck.'

He looks at me intently and searchingly for a second and then shrugs his shoulders, looking back to the wall. Don't think he found whatever he had looked for. 'Yeah, well. As I said, blockade was the last thing we ever did together. And there were so many credits involved.' I sneer a little. I think I know where this is going. Gault's choice between probably the only woman that could ever love him and a bag of credits? I would place my bets on the credits. Every. Time.

'When I saw the opportunity, I took off and left Hylo holding the bag. Stupid.' Gault rests his head back on the wall and it makes the same bang I had heard only a day ago. Little ironic.

Wonder how long Gault has hated himself this much for something so long ago. Guess we all have something in ourselves or past that we hate. Can never really bury or kill them; they follow us as ghosts - dark flickers in our vision; they stalk as like rakghouls as they grow and change into something vile and ugly that could never of once been a human. Can't kill a phantom and if you get too close to the rakghoul it only twists you into its own image.

'So you double-crossed your own girlfriend. Can't say I'm even slightly surprised.'

'Yeah, well, we aren't all trusty little blonde kids. And besides, when I double crossed her she wasn't my girlfriend...'

'Keep telling yourself that for another twenty years. See how it goes. Aren't you the one that told me to stop pretending even though it's easier? Seems you were talking about yourself more than me.' Yes, I did have my suspicions that there was a story like this behind Gault. And I know what I say now is true. Guess we've all got pasts. Some are just worse than others.

'Everyone has something they would leave someone else behind for. Mine just happened to be my own skin.' Words hit me cold and hard. Can't reply to him and I don't think Gault expects one. Not sure he's even entirely aware I'm here. His bottle is slipping from his hand.

Gault would leave anyone to save himself. Surprised it is himself and not credits that would do it. Guess it explains why he hasn't tried to collect my bounty. Sneer a little at myself. Should give him more credit. He's too smart to try when I could kill him in a second.

Blizz would leave us for his treasures and his old friends. Mako would leave everything to have a family. Torain would leave me for war and his brothers. Want to think there's nothing I would leave Torian for. But I don't there could be a bigger lie. I know what it is and I know it too well. I leave even myself behind when it comes to that.

Gault continues after the pause, repeating the same excuses he's probably upheld since the moment he turned and ran. 'I was young and naive...' Not the only one that has that complaint.

'And maybe a little afraid of commitment.' I chuckle at Gault. I think his mistake more stems from the latter than the former. Can't imagine Gault in a home on some planet like Ord Mantell with a family and a relatively honest job.

'I didn't know what I lost until it was gone.'

Can't laugh at that. Can't say I feel that sorry for him either. I think of almost losing Torian: how cold he was and the gun that as pointed at his head. Has one aimed for it every day yet that was so much different.

But even more than that, I think of my freedom. The freedom they stole from me for nine long years. And all the years of life that are still being taken from me. Could spent every hour of every day until my last looking for a new serum to work I wouldn't find one. Isn't stopping me from trying.

Know I need to tell Torian. Know letting him love me when I'm only going to hurt him is selfish and wrong. But I can't stop. Because it feels too good.

Gault has an associate he's been in contact with that is now looking for her for him. I really hope he finds her. Though I think she would be far from happy to see him. Don't think anyone has ever been happy to see Gault. And it seems everyone has people they want to find.

I found the person I didn't know I had been looking for. And after I get up and say good night to Gault, I return to his strong, warm arms. I only have people I know I'm looking for left. I'm so close to two of them.

'So what did the Devaronian have to say?' Torian whispers in my ear. Can tell he's been awake this whole time.

'Nothing that involved any credits.' Torian's arms tighten around me and I know I shouldn't tease him so much. 'Said a few things.' I reply again after a silence.

'When doesn't he?' I laugh quietly. Don't think a ship could be filled with people more different from each other. 'What were they?' Torian continues after a pause.

'Nosey, aren't we?' I don't need to see Torian's face to know he's frowning. 'Not my secrets to share, Torian. Don't think he'd want everyone to know there's a feeling thing under all that sleaze. Be like seeing a clean, slime free Hutt. It's not natural.' I shiver at my own imagery and clench my fists as my thoughts go to Jemba.

'Fair enough.'

'Relax, Torian. He's leaving us soon.' Don't mean to say it. Just want Torian to stop worrying.
Torian freezes and finally says 'ori'haat?'

'Ori'haat. He's got someone he wants to go see.' Don't need to turn and look at him to know he's feeling victorious. Only hope Gault really is leaving now. Guess we'll see in a few weeks.

iamthehoyden's Avatar

11.21.2012 , 09:39 PM | #183
Gault is on my list of favorite characters. Unexpected depths there
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

EverSteam's Avatar

11.23.2012 , 09:29 PM | #184
On arrival at the Tyrant...

When we arrive, a lackey is on the ships holo terminal. He is in gun fire and I'm assuming is the new Captain. He asks if I'm the Lord's bounty hunter. I killed the last lackey that asked dumb questions. Might just do the same again.

'I'm not his anything.'

'Then consider this just an urgent request.' They have been boarded by the Republic. He wants help. Typical. Suppose I can help. After all, I wanted to blow up the ship myself. I don't want someone else to have all the fun. Especially the Republic.

'Now or never.' Torian shrugs. Sometimes, he is extremely nonchalant about what we do.

'Strap in. It's going to be a rough landing,' I reply with a weary sigh. They head to the cockpit and take their seats.

'Business as usual then,' Gault comments to me as we walk the short distance. I glare in return but it turns to a smirk. Funniest jokes are always the truest.

We prepare to board the Tyrant again. For hopefully not the last time.


Few hours later...

When we fight to the bridge, it isn't over.

Reinforcements are on the incoming. Again and again and again. We make shortish work of them. Torian gets beaten up pretty bad. I don't let him see my injuries. I don't want to see my injuries. I don't want to think about what would happen if it went to deep. I don't know what's in there, let alone how I could fix it.

I can stand. And walk. I can pretend. It's easier. I don't want the kid to know I'm not immortal. I don't want to know I'm not immortal. Not yet.

More arrive. I gun them down quickly. No more games. This is serious. But Darth Tormen arrives and Torian stands straighter. Smart. The Sith finishes them off with a dramatic force wave. Then he turns to one of his underlings. He kills him and the other two survivors. Take a while to replace his entire crew. Wonder how he's going to pilot the ship until then.

'I have you to thank for a ship, I suppose,' Tormen says in a haughty manner.

I nod. 'Yeah. Your welcome. I expect compensation.'

He will give me the Captain's wages. Enough, I suppose. Darth Tormen has a long and complicated plan to get to the Chancellor. It seems full of holes. Jedi and Sith seem to never like the easy paths. It's never just find them and shoot them. Always has to be complicated and involve plenty more deaths and destruction to come to the same result. Don't care about the more deaths and destruction, only the time it takes.

They have location of the Chancellor and Master Jun Seros. But first he wants me to win a victory for him in that planets war and secure his own power. Seems little Tormen wants to play with the big kids on the Dark Council.

I am returning home. To Corellia. Maybe I will die there after all.


In hyperspace very close to Nar Shaddaa...

We are to arrive on Corellia in two weeks. We are stopping off at Nar Shaddaa first for Mako. She gave me the information in two days. Instead of the holiday and credits, she wants us to confront her sister. Don't mind. Saves me a lot of credits.

'Heard from Mandalore lately?' Torian calls from the other side of the cockpit where he leans against the wall, watching me work. I concentrate in fixing another broken panel and wires in the cockpit.

'Hasn't contacted me since after you came aboard,' I say as I don't turn around and continue binding one wire to another. I pause and think of something horrible to say. But I don't. Know making a joke about Mandalore and Jicoln would see me sleeping alone tonight. He hasn't changed that way; still stakes everything Mando seriously. Really is manda. Think if he had to choose between me and anything Mandalorian, I would always come second. Surprisingly don't mind that much. Strangely love him for his devotion to it.

'A little strange he didn't contact me after the casino incident. Hard to be part of an elite bounty hunting club when it's only me and him.' I quickly look over my shoulder at him and smile. 'Will need new recruits. Another Great Hunt might be earlier than usual. I know if you entered you would win. Planning too still?'

'Yes. Hope this war doesn't get in the way.' I smile at the wires and I'm rewarded for my musings by a sharp zap on my fingers that quickly channels through my body. My vision flickers and reminds me I shouldn't be so careless as to not wear gloves. Would be easier if the just gave me rubber skin. Would help in fights too. I shake my head at such musings. Know I don't want that.

'Know Mandalore's letting you do your thing... you're still blood though.'

Like how he says my own thing to encapsulate what I'm doing. Know Mandalore wouldn't be able to stop me from doing what I wanted. But I won't let Torian know that. Gault was right: I really am becoming a Mando'ad somehow. Pretending is beginning to turn into feeling.

'I know. Aliit ori'shya tal'din, right?' I turn around and lean against the wall next to the open compartment. I wipe my hands on my pants. He smiles and that soft look is in his eyes. Seems speaking Mando'a is never going to get old for him. I smirk and before I can stop myself I am speaking. 'Still scared my big daddy will come and give you a talking to for touching his little girl?'

Torian frowns at me and I can only laugh. 'Sorry, Torian. Shouldn't tease you like that. Will make it up to you later.' I walk over to him and I kiss him gently. 'You know, last time I did hear from him, he did mentioned you.'

Torian stands still and waits for me to continue. I enjoy watching him frozen for a few moments more. ''Take care of him. He's got a legacy to carry on', were his exact words.' I kiss his cheek lightly and smile. 'Don't need to worry about him, ner Torian. Don't think this was what he had in mind though when he said to take care of you.'

'Prefer you looking after me this way. Always hoped it would be like this.' He kisses me but his lips can't cover my smirk. Guess it's habit that keeps me doubting.

'Would like to meet him,' he says again after a while. I smile as he kisses me again. I don't tell him I have no interest in meeting him again. Didn't take a liking to him then and silence hasn't calmed my dislike.

'Guess I could play the 'daddy's most accomplished daughter' card.' He smiles a little and kisses me.

After awhile he breaks out a little and manages to fit in a few words before I kiss him again. Like being this close to him too much to allow him to leave me to speak or breathe. Like feeling his strong arms around me. Sometimes feels like he takes more care of me than I do of him.

'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, ner mish'la ka'rta.' I still can't find words to express the emotion in his eyes. Or the incredible feelings of joy it gives me. I smile up at him.

'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,' I respond. He kisses me again with ardent ardour. I break away and smirk at him. 'But just because I can speak Mando'a doesn't mean you should stop using basic, ner Torian,' I tease him. He's kind of adorable.

'Sorry. Get a little tongue tied speaking basic.'

I only laugh a little in reply and continue. 'It always makes it seem like your suspiciously about to hit me up for a favour. Like when you cook me tiingilar when you want permission to take off.' I like teasing him. I like doing anything with him. But teasing is up near the top of the list.

He laughs so very happily. I like to make him laugh: the deep chuckling notes that make him sound the man he is.

'Guess you could say that,' he says eventually with an amused smile. He untangles himself from my arms and legs. He bends down on one knee and holds up a small silver ring. My heart stops beating. Metaphorically.

'Will you marry me?'

'That's a big favour.' I stare down at him and his determined frown doesn't waver or worsen. Know I love him. But I can't bind him to me like that when I'm going to leave him in less than a year. Know once I'm gone he'd eventually find someone else with less problems and more heart. I know he would move on. Liar. I need to let him. Idiot.

'Didn't know you were one for joking like that, Torian.' I say eventually.

'No joke.'

I look at his solemn face and I know there isn't even a shred of humour in his offer. I shake my head and I don't know what to say as he kneels in front of me. 'No' is what I should say. 'No' is the two letters that are right. 'No' is the word I never want to say.

'Wish it was. I'm not something that should be married, Torian.' I return back to what I was doing and fiddle with it. Want this conversation over.


'Don't, Torian. This conversation is over.' I crush the wires in my hand and as I slow unclench my fist I scowl down at them. Two hours of work just destroyed and made into two days work.

'It's not, Cyare.' I don't reply and he takes a step closer. 'I love you. Want something else just as strong as a blood oath.'

'Not going to get it. Have to settle for the oath,' I harshly respond.


I turn to him in surprise. He's never said no to me before. Don't think I like it very much. 'Disobeying your Captain and superior?'

'No. Disobeying my stubborn lover.' Wish his disobedience made me love him less. Only thing is it doesn't. Never been one to like those that follow orders without question. Seems the Organisation gave me a strong dislike of authority.

'Slow learner, Torian. Not going to change my mind.'

'Not asking you to. Want to say the answer you want to say. Only asking you to say 'no'.' He steps closer and I respond by holding my wrist level with my head and extending my blade. I don't turn around and he doesn't move closer.

I glare at the wires as if they were a reflection of myself. 'I'm not wife material, Torian.'

'Think you are. Love me, don't you?' Know he's turning the argument in his favour with questions I can only say yes to: questions that will lead the logical reply to only be an acceptance.

'You know I do,' I reply as I look to the wall in front of me. I know if I turn around I will break.

'Then marry me.' Blunt statements like that have always made things seem so simple. Never known how to respond to them and I still don't.

'It's not wise, Torian. Doing this for you.'

'Then this is the worst thing you've ever done for me.' He doesn't shout it but I wish he had. His stern, dejected voice hurts a lot more. I can't reply because I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

'Say 'no' and I'll go.' He comes to stand behind me and I turn around. He doesn't try to reach his arms around me or kiss me. Only stares close and into my eyes.

'I can't.' I take a step back, retracting my blade. Hoping increasing the small distance between us will make this easier. Never imagined such a ridiculous scenario happening. Never thought I'd meet someone crazy enough to want to marry me. Never even thought about it enough to think even that much till now.

'Than say 'yes'.' He steps closer. Really has grown recently; he has become a leader that demands respect and carries a confidence in themself that invokes a responding confidence in everyone else. Can see it on the battle field when he lapses into ordering me and not the other way. And his success on Alderaan is evidence enough. He can follow well but he could lead better. Know he can achieve more away from me than he can with me. Marrying me would only hold him back.

'I can't.' Amazed my voice is firm and isn't shaking. Never thought I'd face something I couldn't do. I take a step back again.

'Then tell me why.' He doesn't step forward and I'm so thankful for that. Any closer and my resolve would weaken.

I hesitate and then decide there's only one thing I can say to make him stop. I sigh and sit down in the Captain's chair. Want to say this as dispassionately as I can. Hard thing to do when he looks at me like that. Can't see much beyond frustration in his eyes. I know that means he thinks I'm going to say yes. And in the end, I know I'm going to as well.

I lean back into its new leather and take my time to observe Torian and collect my thoughts. 'Remember the serum, Torian?' He nods and I now it was a dumb question. Just needed something to start from. 'Serum won't last forever.'

'Make some more,' is his quick reply. Think he knows where this is going and is trying to think otherwise.

I hold up my hand and give him a small smile that quickly fades. 'I have been, Torian. I have been working on attaining the proper components since we left Tython. It cost a small fortune even by Gualt's standards.' I pause and plan the order of this. He only waits and stares.

'I have enough of a supply of the serum now for two and a half years given I only take one dose a day,' I continue. He stands at rigid attention and doesn't let the stern set of his features slacken or worsen. But something dark enters his blue eyes and I know he can sense the problem isn't with quantity.

'However, it is highly addictive,' I continue after allowing myself these moments to observe him. His patience seems rather endless for a Mando'ad. 'This is only one part of the problem and is quite under control for the moment. The problem partly lies in the fact that taking more than one dose will increase my performance but decrease its effectiveness in the future.' I pause and watch his quick brain taking this in. 'The other part of the problem lies in the fact that before I have to increase the dose to receive the same effect, my immune system will notice the intrusion and start to fight the serum.

'Breaking my shoulder and wrists is slowing this down as the body isn't completely healed again. However, it will not last. Once my immune system fights against it, you know what will happen.' His eyes don't widen and his pulse doesn't quicken but I notice his angular jaw tighten.

'At that stage, I will have somewhere between six months and eighteen months. My body will notice the intrusion in around one year.' I lean forward, my elbows resting on my knees. 'I will be dead in less than two years, Torian.'

In the silence that follows, I spend every second waiting for him to move. All I can see is his brain working through information and I know it's trying to find a loop hole; a way to avoid what is going to come. And I know he won't find one. So he doesn't protest or question it's probability.

'Why haven't you told me before?' His voice is low and is a wave of hurt. When I hear it, I forget all the reasons I had. I don't know how I thought he would never have to know. Guess I still somehow wake up every day thinking I might die. Hoping I might die. Seems even Torian can't remove my habbits.

'I don't want your pity. There is nothing you could do and I know that would drive you insane.' I smile and he almost returns it. 'I won't let you bind yourself to me when I'm only going to leave you. It's better for you this way,' I continue sternly.

'Is that an order?'

'Would you follow it if it was?' I retort back quickly. My tongue seems disconnected from the rest of me and I'm glad. It's fighting its own battle alone as my mind still reals from the fact this conversation is really happening.

He looks torn and I know asking that was cruel. 'Maybe. Think it's a bad order though. Can't live this life without running the risk of dying any day. Always known that. Think it would be worse for me to lose you entirely. Say 'yes' and we'll always be one.'

Hate how his sweet words and rich voice always leave me paralysed. If my dreams were ever this sweet, I'd be inclined to think it was one of the.

'You'll regret it,' I say with something becoming false confidence.

'Don't think I will, Champion. Need to make my own mistakes.' I don't disagree and he comes to kneel in front of me on one knee. Still makes my heart stop. His searching blue eyes don't help. 'I know this won't be one of them.'
He holds up the ring again but doesn't take his eyes from mine.

'Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.' We are one when together. we are one when parted. We will share all. We will raise warriors.

I shake my head and hold out my hand. It's slippery from grease and a little black. 'Can't win, can I?'

He grins up at me and replies, 'you always win.'

Can help but return it. I let him slip the ring on my finger. Always liked how Mando'ad don't need paper or witnesses to keep their words and vows. Guess that's how it is when a society is based around idealistic honour.

'Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.' I lean in and kiss him after saying the vows and he pulls me to my feet, not taking his lips away until we are standing. 'I know you forever, Cyare.'

I move out of his arms and hold up my wrist. We make a blood oath similar to then. 'Forever, riduur, I will keep you in me,' I say. I can't use the word heart.

'Forever, Cyare, you will be in my heart,' he replies pressing his wrist to mine. 'Whatever happens, count me in.' His kiss is zealous and hard. I don't how I could forget how loyal he is.

He takes my hand and sits on the Captain chair I was only in a minute before. He tugs my hand and I willing join him. He smiles with bliss and I wonder where that happiness will go when I die.

But we will not part at death. These vows are for eternity. And that belies death. Maybe I'll take it with me and return it to him with a ribbon when he joins me in the afterlife.

No matter what comes, we will be one.



MilaniGrey's Avatar

11.24.2012 , 01:59 AM | #185
@_@ words, how do I..

The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox

Earthmama's Avatar

11.24.2012 , 07:24 AM | #186
ugh, that one left a lump in my throat of equal parts happy and sad. Beautifully written as usual!

iamthehoyden's Avatar

11.24.2012 , 08:31 AM | #187
Eesh, hold on a sec, gotta clear up these tears. ... Ok, there we go. Such a mix of sad and happy. I'd hug them both, but I'd probably end up with a blade in my gut lol.
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

EverSteam's Avatar

11.25.2012 , 02:15 AM | #188
@ Earthmama, Hoyden and Milani:


Two minutes after the last posts end...

'Sheesh, you guys, get a room.'

'As much as I would love to interrupt your disgusting display of affection for no reason, we're here on your orders,' Gault puts in before Mako finishes. Skadge makes a grunting noise that I think contains the words 'disgusting runts'.

'Jealous, Devaronian?' Torian goads immediately. Seems they're not going to stop butting heads anytime soon. Guess Torian's as irate about the interruption as I am.

Gault begins a retort but I cut in before he can finish the first word. 'Cool it, both of you.' I sigh and turn around on Torian's lap to face them. More than a little aggravated by their appearance.

'What do you all want?' I continue. 'I'm beginning the only kind of 'busy' that you understand, Gault. And Mako - we are in a room. This is my ship. All rooms are my rooms. You three are the ones that came up here. Having a good time up until then,' I say as I hold up my hand and wiggle my finger.

Blizz moves from behind Mako and makes a protest. I look down at him and smile as nicely as I can at this time. 'Sorry, Blizz. I couldn't see you past Mako.'

'Wow, Mandalorian. Slow to start but quick to finish. Are you like that in all areas?' Gault comments as he eyes the ring, cutting off anything Mako was going to say in reply.

I move from Torian's lap and have Gault pinned under me on the ground swiftly. I hold my knife to Gault's throat and press until he bleeds a little and doesn't dare breathe. I thought about slapping him but this always works so much better. And I think Gault's been slapped by every woman he's ever met.

'Keep it up Gault and you'll know why they have the saying 'ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade'. Do I make myself clear?' He doesn't dare nod and I'm pleased by the surprise in his eyes. Torian's right: I have been too lenient on him recently.

I move off him and stand by the now standing Torian. 'Thanks for the congratulations by the way. It really means a lot. Especially from you, Mako.' She scowls at me and it only looks childish.

'Anyone going to tell me why you're all here now?' I continue after a tense pause. Wonder if I'd prefer a more peaceful ship in times like these. I don't think I would. Keeps things exciting. Can always kill them when they get too tiresome.

'You ordered us to come to the cockpit when we arrived at Nar Shaddaa,' Mako says coldly. 'We have arrived.'

'I order a lot of things, Mako, and don't always expect them to actually be done let alone promptly.' It's a lie but no one challenges me on it. Last time Gault was late to follow an order I shot his foot and when Mako was negligent in giving me a thorough report I ripped a leg off her gizka toy. Docking their pay never seems to work since they don't have to spend it on boarding or food.

'But while you're all here, you might as well dock us down on the moon. I intend to stay busy for a few more hours.'
I take Torian's hand and head to our room. They don't come knocking to tell me when we land.


Ten hours later....

'Hey, Sis. Long time no see, huh?'

Coral turns around from the computer she was sabotaging. Walks slowly forward. She's casual but wary. I stand and look imposing. It's a fun job. Never thought Mako would suggest I do something that I actually enjoy.

'Mako? What are you doing here? How did you find me?' She replies with cautious surprise.

Mako ignores her questions. She isn't playing by her rules. 'Met some of our sisters. It was real heart warming, you know?'

'About that - I should have warned you.' She's sensing danger and a trap but she wants to know where this going. I think it's my turn to be talking and imposing instead of silent and imposing.

'Can it. We know it was a set up.' I pull out my gun and aim for her head.

She starts trying to make excuses. She's a good actor. I hoped Mako wouldn't buy it. Again. She doesn't. I'm kind of proud of her. Still don't like her though. Wish she was as handy as her backstabbing sister.

So Coral cuts the charade after that and keeps repeating how she's real. Yeah, a real *****. And of course, as everything in our lives seems to head towards, we fight.

The copy keeps crapping on even as she bleeds over the floor. 'She talks a lot for someone that's just been beaten, doesn't she?' Mako comments to me. Way she talks to me and ignores her sisters words echoes our encounter on Dromund Kaas.

I sneer at her sisters bleeding form and take in every moment. It's just like watching Mako die. Think it will satisfy me for a while.

'Just kill her already,' is my reply after I tire of the sight. And Mako does. Surprising. Didn't think she would. And I know she's going to regret it. And most likely have a nervous breakdown.

'What do you think she meant by me being a copy and everything? Saying I wasn't real?'

I stare at her in disbelief for a moment. She still doesn't think she is a clone? Still? 'Don't worry about it. Sure it was nothing.' As much as nothing as me being a cybotic killing machine.

Isak has arrived. He takes in the scene and orders his men to remove Coral. He turns to Mako.

'Mako. We'll talk later,' is all he says before walking away and giving orders to his soldiers.

She doesn't want to hear it from me. I'll let her be dumb and ignorant for a few more weeks. And even then, I don't think one call will change her general state of mind.


Two nights later...

I like the nights Blizz stays up with Torian and I. I like the three of us.

Have been a little busy celebrating the past two days and haven't given the Jawa much attention. He doesn't seem to mind. He likes doing his own quiet things as much as he likes being with us. Can't think of anywhere better to be than Nar Shaddaa so we going to spend a week here. Mako hasn't tried to complain yet and I don't think she will. She's hardly left her room for two days I don't care.

Opposite of Gault. Don't think the Devaronian has spent a night in his since we arrived. Hope the rest of the week passes as smoothly. And for such a large disgusting mass of muscle, Skadge is good at making himself scarce. Don't know where he ever is and no one has ever asked.

'Boss?' We have been silent. The three of us sitting in a row. Blizz between us. Our fingers linked behind his back. 'Blizz been thinking.'

'A dangerous past time.' I smile kindly down at him.

'I know.' Blizz nods his head wisely.

'What's on your mind?'

'Blizz been thinking about serious things. Blizz been thinking about how Blizz got to be where Blizz is now.' He is happy that he was betrayed. Because it meant he came to be with us. It makes me smile. And think of bitter sweet things. Ever since I met Torian, a part of me has felt the same. All moments of my life have led to this. And dying a thousand deaths, living through a year of torture and mutation, is a small price to pay. Torian is worth a lot more than that. I would go through it a thousand times over, if it meant he was mine forever. These nights are priceless. And I don't want to let them go.

'Blizz would not have met boss and friends and Blizz would not have been all over space. Blizz likes where Blizz is now. Blizz think Blizz home.'

I smile. It's a long toothless thing. Full of a soft happiness. 'Yes, Blizz. You are home.' My fingers tighten around Torian's. He winces. I loosen them a little. My smile becomes slightly larger. Teeth almost flashing.

'I wouldn't have done anything different if it meant being here. With you.' I look at Torian. His eyes are warm and happy. He bows his head. It is a big claim. One I will never take back.

Just for now, I have a home. I am alive. And I am happy. In these precious moments, worlds are burning outside, but I am happy. 'Everything solid must melt into air' are the words that are whispered in my mind when I look into Torian's gentle and content eyes.


A week later in Corellia's orbit...

We arrive at Corellia.

I stand in the cockpit close up to the front windows, and watch our slow decent to the planet. Its early and the others still sleep. I don't know how I feel because I feel too much and too little. I hug myself. I feel hard and cold. Makes me wonder what Torian likes about me.

I sigh a little. I'm home. It is a weird thing. Never thought I'd return. Should have known better.

I guess I don't really feel anything. Not happy but not really sad either. Guess it will hit me when we land. Wonder if it still looks the same. Can't tell the degree of destruction from orbit. It looks nice. Blue and green with white clouds. Reminds me of Alderaan. I reach a hand out and touch the glass. My ring catches the light and so do my knuckles.

I sigh again and drop my hand. Still never wanted to come back here. Too many memories. It's not the bad ones that I don't want to remember and have shoved in my face. It's the happy ones. I loathe my younger and stupider self. I think I really hate them because she was so happy. Not that I'm not now. I'm more than happy. It's just... so very, very hard to pinpoint. I can't untangle these feelings.

And I don't really want to. I just know I hate the reminder of what I was. Guess I'm not the only one with that complaint. But then, others probably weren't turned into monstrous weapons by their boyfriends. I think I would of rather of been left in the cold again. I try not to think about the information Mako gave me in this moment. I know I should act on it while it is still accurate but I can't. And I need to finish this first. Everything else will have to wait.

I sigh again. Seem to be doing that a lot. But it is such a sweeter thing, knowing that when I breathe, it is going in and out of real organs. Seems like one of the only things they left in me whole. Guess they needed me to get oxygen somehow.

I finally read my file last night. Well, a few hours ago. It is worse than I thought. Extremely sickening even to me. Turns out I don't have a heart, just like I thought. And many other things I didn't guess. And what they put in instead...

I shiver. Yes, I should not exist. I may have a warped and radical view of right and wrong, but even to me, I know that this thing in me is very, very wrong. I touch my cheek with my cold hands and for a moment, I don't feel anything. Disgusting to know that this delay is because of a broken circuit somewhere. I look closely at my wrists but I only see the dark shadow and a few thin, blue tubes that skirt their way around my blades exit point.

I look out the window again and wish they made a program to stop me from knowing about this. When I become conscious of the process of thinking and it sickens me; it fills me with a vicious and uncontrollable paroxysm of abhorrence that I cannot control.

I run and jump down the stairs to the refresher. Vomit into the sink. I stare long and hard at what slowly slithers down the drain. Surprised I can vomit. Never have before. Guess you learn something new every five hours. The thought of where this food is coming from makes me vomit even more. Eventually, when there is nothing left and the vehemence passes, it is just a disgusting heaving motion of my body.

I wash my face and hands when the echoing motion subsides entirely. Rinse out the sink. I complete the task with mechanical motions and an indifference I do not feel.

I return to the bridge. I stare long and hard at the world. I feel empty; as if emptying my stomach as emptied my heart and head.

I hear him waking up. 'In for a long march,' he murmurs when I imagine him seeing me absent from our bed. Have been making a habit of it since we set course for Corellia. He puts on some loose clothes and walks down the steps and along the ship to me. I like listening to his tred and breathing; his slow, calm heart beat. He stops at the door way and watches me.

'Memories taking you?' he greets me with.

'Don't know.' I shrug. Turn my head a little so I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He rests his lean body against the door frame: tanned, gorgeous and troubled. His muscles are a little tense and I can see anxiousness in his blue eyes and tightened jaw. 'Wish I wasn't though,' I say as I turn my gaze back to the planet.

He pads quietly to me. He smells of sweat and stale sex but his arms are warm, as always, as they wrap around me. They feel like a tight, burning chain that keeps me controlled and whole. I lean my cheek on his arm and breathe him in deeply.

'I can remedy that.' His lips are soft and slightly moist on my neck.

We don't say much after that and he only holds me and looks to the planet below. I have nothing to say. I didn't tell him about my file. He doesn't need to know. I don't want him to know. He can't change it: it's irreversible. And he can't protect me from the past. It's a battle I fight alone. And there are questions that I don't want the answers to. Because in the end, he is here. And that will never stop being enough.

If he read it, would he see me the same? Knowing what I am? I don't want to know. Think even his faithful and constant loyalty would be tested. I would rather keep this from him so I never find out. I don't want to see him walk out that door. Think it's worse that his honour and word would keep him with me when the rest of him would only want to leave. But has stayed with you this far.

'We are one when together. We are one when parted.' I don't want him to know the monster he's unknowingly bound himself to. I wish I really was going to die in two years. Because what is really going to happen in so much worse.

'Thoughts, Cyare?' he asks eventually. I smile a little. Hasn't need to ask in while. Had the same thoughts since that night with only a few variations. Been happier than I could say and I didn't need to.

'Hukaat'kama,' I reply. Watch my back. I turn around and rest my head in his bare chest. 'Gedet'ye?' Please?

I know the answer. But at this moment, and like this, I feel normal. And I want to hear the answer. I am small girl. Asking in the only way she knows how, for a boy to never abandon her. But this girl will only exist for a moment. Because she is dead. It is for the woman still here that I ask. For the woman that will also die and leave something else to remain. I can only ask like this because though we are lovers first, we are warriors always.

'I've got your six no matter what. Ratiin. Darasuum.' Always. Forever. He lifts my face to his with his hand and kisses me long and slow. 'Ori'haat.'

I will need these promises in the weeks that come. It isn't my memories that can take Torian from me. Or take me from him.

Two hours till landing. Apocalypse is coming to Corellia and its cause is revenge.

'With you all the way,' he says in a voice too rich and low to be called a whisper as his eyes focus on the planet before us and his mind on our mission ahead. I could never do anything to reward such constant loyalty and devotion. I can't even find a reply to it. I only look to the planet below and send it the silent greeting of a scorned and threatening lover.

'I'm back.'

iamthehoyden's Avatar

11.25.2012 , 11:55 AM | #189
Her future has me on the edge of my seat.
aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Fan Fiction: My Name is Solomon Crae The Man in the Box

MilaniGrey's Avatar

11.25.2012 , 01:25 PM | #190
Quote: Originally Posted by iamthehoyden View Post
Her future has me on the edge of my seat.
The Islingr Legacy
Ebon Hawk Server
"How dreadfully spooky." -- Vesaniae's Darth Nox