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Want to hear suggestion of TOR fanfic

STAR WARS: The Old Republic > English > Community > Fan Fiction
Want to hear suggestion of TOR fanfic

Slowpokeking's Avatar


Slowpokeking
11.03.2012 , 10:08 PM | #1
My setting
1. Theron Shan is Satele and Malgus' child and his force potential was sealed by the Jedi because they were afraid of that.
2. SI(female twilik) captured Theron, learned that his father was a Sith and used him to lure Satele Shan.
3. SW(female pureblood) wanted to challenge Satele in a fair duel to prove her power.
4. BH(female human) was sent by
Spoiler
to capture Satele Shan as well,
5. With the help of the SW and BH Satele lost but she made a deal with the 3, she let SW beat her, let BH take
Spoiler
as a prize to report to
Spoiler
and gave herself to SI to get her son's freedom.

Now SI captured Satele, she tried to humiliate and torture Satele Shan endlessly to turn her like Darth Malak did to Satele's ancestor Bastilla.

Any advice of the plot since then?

Flyceratops's Avatar


Flyceratops
11.03.2012 , 11:25 PM | #2
Quote: Originally Posted by Slowpokeking View Post
My setting
1. Theron Shan is Satele and Malgus' child and his force potential was sealed by the Jedi because they were afraid of that.
2. SI(female twilik) captured Theron, learned that his father was a Sith and used him to lure Satele Shan.
3. SW(female pureblood) wanted to challenge Satele in a fair duel to prove her power.
4. BH(female human) was sent by
Spoiler
to capture Satele Shan as well,
5. With the help of the SW and BH Satele lost but she made a deal with the 3, she let SW beat her, let BH take
Spoiler
as a prize to report to
Spoiler
and gave herself to SI to get her son's freedom.

Now SI captured Satele, she tried to humiliate and torture Satele Shan endlessly to turn her like Darth Malak did to Satele's ancestor Bastilla.

Any advice of the plot since then?
...so it's the son of the most unlikely romantic pair in the history of the world as your main character?

Oh my gosh.
The <Sand Panthers> Guild is now recruiting all Rep levels/classes on The Ebon Hawk!
We are a guild focused on RPing and ops, with the goal of having a welcoming, relaxed atmosphere with as few rules as possible, allowing for reasonable freedom of expression in a mature environment.

Slowpokeking's Avatar


Slowpokeking
11.03.2012 , 11:29 PM | #3
Quote: Originally Posted by Flyceratops View Post
...so it's the son of the most unlikely romantic pair in the history of the world as your main character?

Oh my gosh.
It's not romance, they made a deal about make a powerful child to help Malgus to change the Empire within, abolish those unnecessary atrocities. But Malgus' true goal was to let his son become his powerful right hand/successor and Satele truly wanted to use the child to destroy the Sith.

errant_knight's Avatar


errant_knight
11.04.2012 , 01:09 AM | #4
Sorry, but this makes no sense to me, particularly from Shan's pov. I think you'd be better off to go with something simpler that is more in line with existing characterization and lore.

Slowpokeking's Avatar


Slowpokeking
11.04.2012 , 11:21 AM | #5
Quote: Originally Posted by errant_knight View Post
Sorry, but this makes no sense to me, particularly from Shan's pov. I think you'd be better off to go with something simpler that is more in line with existing characterization and lore.
She would never sleep with Malgus even if she was using him?

errant_knight's Avatar


errant_knight
11.04.2012 , 12:06 PM | #6
In what scenario would they even meet to hatch this plan? Why would she risk creating such a potentially powerful child who could be turned and used against the republic? Why would she think that this child would even make a difference in the conflict? If such a child could make a difference, why not create it with a powerful jedi? Both sides recruit force users. From Malgus's pov, why not do so with a powerful sith? Why give Shan such a weapon to raise as a jedi? These aren't the only powerful force users in the galaxy. The logic doesn't hold together. Beyond that, there's a level of creepy in two people that have such disrespect for each other cold-bloodedly having sex to create such a child that will turn many readers away right from word go.

You don't need to create such an extreme and dubious plot to make an interesting story. All you need is to create interesting characters with believable motivations and put then in a situation requiring action with some obstacles, both personal and situational.

Slowpokeking's Avatar


Slowpokeking
11.04.2012 , 12:45 PM | #7
Quote:
In what scenario would they even meet to hatch this plan?
During the Great Galactic War.

Quote:
Why would she risk creating such a potentially powerful child who could be turned and used against the republic?
She believed she could have the child and teach him alone, Jedi are self confident.

Quote:
Why would she think that this child would even make a difference in the conflict? I
Jedi believes in heroes and heroes did turn the tide, such as her ancestor Revan, the Exiled and the JK character.

Quote:
If such a child could make a difference, why not create it with a powerful jedi?
Because other Jedi would not approve such plan and few of them could match Malgus' strength. Also she wanted to let the child become something like Revan, so a little Dark Side is required as well.

Quote:
Both sides recruit force users. From Malgus's pov, why not do so with a powerful sith?
Because he could not find a female sith who could match Satele's strength, and he didn't trust other Sith. Remember his goal was to become the emperor himself and abolish many stuff. He believed Darth Revan's blood would help him.

Quote:
Why give Shan such a weapon to raise as a jedi?
He believed he could succeed and he filled the child with the Dark Side of the Force

errant_knight's Avatar


errant_knight
11.04.2012 , 01:05 PM | #8
I don't think Shan would see any need for dark side. That doesn't seem to be part of her character. I also think that if you explore your reasoning in any depth it falls apart because it's a huge stretch and there are a multitude of easier ways to meet the same goals which I think are also a reach, but you seem to have your mind made up, so.... I'll just say that I've done a lot of writing so I'm not just talking out my arse. This plot has big problems. They also take what is arguably one of the more interesting events in Shan's life and makes it purely political when there are much more interesting posibilities to explore.

Slowpokeking's Avatar


Slowpokeking
11.04.2012 , 01:48 PM | #9
Quote: Originally Posted by errant_knight View Post
I don't think Shan would see any need for dark side. That doesn't seem to be part of her character. I also think that if you explore your reasoning in any depth it falls apart because it's a huge stretch and there are a multitude of easier ways to meet the same goals which I think are also a reach, but you seem to have your mind made up, so.... I'll just say that I've done a lot of writing so I'm not just talking out my arse. This plot has big problems. They also take what is arguably one of the more interesting events in Shan's life and makes it purely political when there are much more interesting posibilities to explore.
Sure I can remove that part but I do think Satele at least share some thoughts with Revan, at least after she met him.
Never played Republic so I'm not sure how did they interact.

errant_knight's Avatar


errant_knight
11.04.2012 , 02:46 PM | #10
Whoa! You need to play republic, specifically the knight before trying to write anything relating to Shan, or the jedi in general. That's why this feels off. It's a very sith outlook and plan. I don't think it's something a jedi would do at all unless they'd gone dark. I highly recommend putting this aside, playing the knight story, then rethinking your premise.