She came back to consciousness slowly. Her head felt too large and at the same time, too small. She moved it, just a minute amount, and then sank back with a groan she couldn’t stifle. The pain was intense. She concentrated for a moment then hissed in relief as it faded. She froze. She felt her eyes also recover, but from what? She thought back to what she remembered.

 

What happened? I was caught… They were... Oh no…. I was being put into carbon freeze!

 

She stretched out like her teachers had taught her and was amazed to find no life in her immediate surroundings. She cautiously opened her eyes. The hibernation sickness had passed. Through the crack in her lids she could see the walls of the room around her. She sighed.

 

At least it’s not another prison.

 

She opened her eyes fully and took in her surroundings. Bed, table, chair… er droid?

 

“Good morning, patient 34-874. You have regained consciousness. That is good.” She looked at the droid. A standard medical model. “You are over the hibernation sickness. Someone wishes to speak with you.” The droid waved towards the wall and her eyes shot up as a door opened and a man wearing familiar garb came into the room. Oh NO...! Her thoughts broke off as the Sith Lord spoke.

 

“Good morning Nia Korr, I am Darth Harron. We have much to discuss.” She tried to move, to struggle, but restraints she hadn’t seen held her to the bed. She snarled.

 

“I have nothing to say to a Sith.” He grinned at her words.

 

“Oh, I think you have a great deal to say to me. But since you insist on doing things the tiresome way…” She braced herself as he raised a hand, but nothing could have prepared her. Blue lightning arced at her from the Sith Lord’s fingertips and she screamed in pain. It went on for an eternity. Finally it stopped. She gasped and drew on her training to calm herself.

 

“What do you want from me?” She finally choked out.

 

“You will learn to obey unquestioned…” The Sith lord broke off in annoyance as a chime sounded. He smiled at her and she shuddered but he turned towards the wall. He hit a control and an armored face appeared. “I gave orders not to be disturbed commander…” He began in a menacing voice, but the face on the screen cut him off.

 

“Sir! We are under attack!” The Sith froze and Nia felt something. Fear?

 

“Who and how may?” The black garbed man paused for a response, but the screen went dark. Darth Harron thought hard for a moment. She felt him stretch out in the Force then he stiffened. He turned to the droid. “Prepare her for transport, we are leaving.” The droid moved towards her and Nia stared.

 

Is he sweating? The droid did something and she felt unconsciousness beckoning. She was moved to speech.

 

“Something wrong, Sith?” The Sith lord grinned at her, but underneath, she felt worry.

 

"Nothing to concern yourself with, my dear. When you wake, we will continue this discussion.” She shuddered at the his tone and then slid towards sleep. She fought the sedative with all of her will and all of her training, but the Sith drug was too powerful. She heard something, on the edge of sleep. An explosion? Then darkness claimed her.

Edited December 14, 2011 by kalenath

“Point to lead, corridor clear.” The six strong team moved with practiced efficiency through the Sith base. The Sith were powerful, true and some of their weapons had to be seen to be believed, but… They fought dumb. Mindless charges into the team’s concentrated firepower only added to the body count. Well, that and used up ammunition. Which being a small team, they only had a limited supply of. But, being a Republic Special Forces small team, they had ingressed the Sith base with a LOT of ammo.

 

The point eased a small camera around the corner of a “T” Intersection and froze. She made quick hand signs back to the team lead. Strong point, four troopers and two heavy droids. The leader nodded and motioned his heavy fire team up. One trooper readied a grenade launcher and the other a heavy repeating blaster. The point motioned. Three, two, one! On one, she reached around the corner and threw a special grenade towards the strong point. It only made it about halfway, and then burst in a bright flash and clouds of dense smoke. The sensor blinding effects gave the two other team members time to make it to cover on either side of the intersection facing the strong point. Before the befuddled defenders could react, both opened fire. A string of grenades and three bursts of fully automatic fire from the repeating blaster later; the strong point was in ruins, nothing left except broken bodies. The team leader moved up, looked quickly and nodded. The team reformed and moved further into the Sith Base. The leader allowed himself a grim smile as he checked his light repeating blaster. They were doing their job; he hoped the other team was doing as well.

 

“OLANA!” The man in black Republic armor hissed loudly as he finished off his last opponent. The Sith troopers had not been aware of the two commandos before the republic soldiers had sprung their ambush. Six heavily armed, armored, alert and ready Sith troopers versus two republic special operations soldiers. That was unfair even when one of the soldiers wasn’t a Wookiee. When the Wookiee was also a rated master of Teras Kasi, well, it would take a lot more than SIX Sith troopers to even make them break a sweat.

 

The Wookiee looked at his companion and dropped the corpse of the Sith trooper that he had been getting ready to tear apart. The soldier gazed around, checking all of the enemy bodies for signs of life, but none existed. The pair knew what they were doing, had been doing it for a long time now. Olanagychew had been a slave of the Sith before they had…er met. And now they were both fighting for the same thing. And Will Kalenath was a past master of…

 

His thoughts broke off as his comlink chirped. Once, twice. The primary target was heading towards him. It had been worried that the primary would engage the other team. While the Special Forces team could take him, with a little luck and preparation, the hostage was what mattered. He motioned towards his partner and they both moved into the shadows.

 

The man who called himself Darth Harron paused. There was nothing in sight, but… He froze.

 

“You might as well come out. I know you are there.” His voice echoed throughout the empty corridor and the four troopers in his detail glanced at each other. The droid maintained its position, as directed, in the middle of the group, towing the wheeled gurney on which lay the prize. When nothing happened he raised a hand and pointed it at the gurney. A mocking laugh came from a shadowed alcove and the soldier’s furtive movements stopped abruptly as a black armored figure stepped out of the shadows. It held no weapons but the temperature in the corridor seemed to plummet. All of the guards stared at the figure. Harron couldn’t take his eyes off his opponent.

 

“Well?” The cold, mocking word came down the corridor and all of the Sith, hardened as they were to casual cruelty and merciless masters, quailed a bit.

 

“I thought it would be one of you republic dogs. You want her? Come and get her.” The Sith Lord reached for his lightsaber, but then froze as the man laughed again.

 

“You think I’m here for her? Harron, Harron… You know me better than that.” All of the Sith froze as the man cracked his helmet and then an indrawn breath ran through their ranks.

 

“Kalenath?” Harron’s voice was soft. Disbelieving. “You’re dead.”

 

“You missed me. You got Sharra.” At that the Sith Lord actually cringed. His wife… Oh no! She was the only thing controlling him, if SHE is dead...

 

"I didn’t know. I…” He broke off as the man grinned. A grin more suited to a Sith, Harron thought distantly.

 

“Do you really think I care?” And then the black armored figure drew something. It looked, odd, almost organic and suddenly the Force was GONE! Harron stretched out with his feelings trying to feel something, anything. He stared at Kalenath in disbelief. “There are a lot of things the Sith know nothing about.” And then the Republic commando’s hands blurred. The corridor filled with fire.

 

A timeless moment later, Harron lay in a pool of his own blood. His men and the droid lay in various postures of death around him. The Force would not answer him and what would have been a laughable threat with the Force, was insurmountable without. He had lost count of how many times he had been shot. His body was broken and bleeding, but he wasn’t dying. He knew it. A shadow fell over him and he stared into the cold eyes of Will Kalenath.

 

“You… You betrayed us…” His voice was soft, almost inaudible. “Kill me then.” The hard face of the commando lit in a smile more suited towards a Firaxa shark.

 

“You know I never served you scum. You know I worked for the Republic undercover, which is why you sent you assassins after me. And just so you know, Harron. I’m not going to kill you. I want to. Make no mistake. Nothing would please me more right now. But I have been persuaded not to. I want you to meet a friend of mine.” Harron looked up, and up, and up, and up, into the eyes of a Wookiee and not just ANY Wookiee! “He has a prior claim.” With that, Will Kalenath moved off and as the Wookiee bent down over him, the Sith lord did something he never thought he would do again. He screamed. The screams lasted a long time.

Edited August 31, 2012 by kalenath

Will moved through the Sith base, as silent as a ghost. Behind him, Olana pulled the gurney. Since the woman they had been sent to recover was unconscious, and the droid that presumably had sedated her was in a million pieces, it made more sense to tow the gurney instead of carry her. But Olana complained. A lot.

 

“Would you be quiet, furrball?” A growl came from where Olana was moving slowly. “Ok, we can trade off, and YOU can kill the hundred and fifty Sith who will come charging at you when you tear the arms off the first three.” For such a huge being, Olana could move with surprising stealth and silence. But… A low moan came from Olana and Will grinned. Will was much better at stealth killing. They had come to a corner, Will peered around and froze. He froze and motioned for Olana to freeze as well. Will peered around the corner again and shook his head. Strong point, joy…

 

Three droids and six troopers were keeping watch at an intersection just beyond the one there were located at. Olana looked at him and Will grinned mirthlessly. The republic soldier reached into his belt pouch and pulled out a small object. Olana looked at it and then moved back pulling the gurney with him. Will grinned at Olana’s caution and in a single sinuous movement was out in the corridor and moving towards the checkpoint. One of the droids swiveled its bulbous head at him and then he threw the object and darted back into cover. One of the Sith, with more presence of mind that the troopers generally had, reached for the device to throw it away. But Will had set the timer just right and the thermal detonator went off just as the Sith’s armored gauntlet closed on it.

 

The concussion and heat from the blast blew back through the corridor and knocked will off his feet. His armor handled the heat fine and he spared a glance, Olana had thrown his, considerable, bulk between the blast and the gurney. Now Olana stood up and growled out a question. Will grinned.

 

“No that wasn’t stealthy.” He peered around the corner cautiously and then straightened. An alarm sounded in the distance. “But effective.” Olana pulled the gurney up and then shook his great head at his friend’s understatement. The strong point was… gone. All that remained of the troops that had been guarding the intersection were a few pieces of bent and blackened durasteel that had probably been part of the droids. Nothing else had survived, and the walls of the intersection were melted down. As they watched the ceiling caved in and Olana looked at his friend. Will sighed. “Okay, Okay. That was overkill.” Then his comlink chirped again.

 

“Six come in.” Will keyed a reply. “Six this is Two, we are unblack.” The response was muted, but clear. So was the humor in it.

 

“Figured that.” The team lead’s voice sobered. “Location?”

 

“One hundred meters West of point Gamma.”

 

“Roger that, we are holding at point Echo, get here and we can egress. Condition of package?” Will motioned to Olana and the grey furred Wookiee gently lifted the sleeping woman out of the gurney.

 

“Unconscious. We are mobile. ETA ten.”

 

“Roger that.” His comlink went dark and Will moved off. Every so often he would drop a small object in the shadows of a wall or corner and Olana avoided those places carefully. The Wookiee shook his head again. Will liked his explosives. They moved off.

Edited August 31, 2012 by kalenath

They joined the Republic team without problems and the team medic scanned the hostage they had been sent after. The Twilek nodded to herself as her readings started to make sense. She nodded to Olana and Olana took the woman up gently again. The team moved off, but froze as Will didn’t move.

 

“I’ll catch up.”

 

Will walked away from the team leaving them to shake their heads in disbelief. As they made their cautious way towards their entry zone, they heard multiple explosions around them. The team leader nodded to himself. Will was delaying the pursuit. And he was exorcising his demons as well. They made it back to their transport without incident and the team lead relaxed as the medic started using the ship’s more sophisticated equipment on the woman they had been sent to recover. He looked a question at her as the team prepared for departure.

 

“She will be fine. The sedative isn’t one I can…” The medic broke off as a sensor beeped. The team leader came over towards them and then froze as the medic swore. The leader cocked his head and the medic highlighted a scan. It showed…

 

“A tracking chip.” The team leader spun and ran to the cockpit. “Pilot, get us out of here. They know where we are.” The urgency in the team lead’s voice galvanized the pilots and they flew through their checklists. Then the hull rang with the sound of an impact. They looked out the window and cringed. Heavy artillery was on a ridge nearby, poised to blast them, but…

 

“Why don’t they fire?” The copilot asked, nervous.

 

“They want her alive. But if we try and take off… WHOA!” All three rocked back as the ridge that held the heavy artillery disappeared in the titanic blast of a proton torpedo. A grey shape flashed by and was gone. He took a seat quickly and strapped himself in.

 

“GO!” The pilots needed no urging and the transport leapt into the sky. Several times, bogeys showed on their scopes, but each time, they vanished just as quickly. The team leader nodded to himself. A guardian demon… Finally they reached the edge of the gravity well and a clank sounded throughout the ship. Will’s fighter had docked. The team leader nodded to the pilots and they took the transport into hyperspace. As the team leader left the cockpit he heard the copilot speak softly.

 

“I hadn’t believed…”

 

“You didn’t see anything. You didn’t hear anything.” The pilot didn’t look up from his controls.

 

“Yes sir.” The copilot went back to her own controls and the team leader smiled as he left the cockpit.

 

When the team leader entered the squad bay, he saw the medic grinding something under her heel. The tracking chip. He smiled. One problem dealt with. Then he sobered. The rear hatch opened and Will staggered into the squad bay. He collapsed and Olana caught him as he fell. The medic ran to him, scanned him quickly, swore again and activated her spray hypo. She motioned Olana to a bunk and the huge Wookiee gently laid his friend down on it. The team leader looked at the medic and she sighed.

 

“Too early to tell. We better get him home, and sir…?” The team leader waved fro her to continue. “He took at least five hits. I think we should keep him asleep until we get back.” The team leader looked at Olana who shrugged, then nodded reluctantly. The medic infused Will and then went back to her primary patient.

When Nia woke she lay silent and still. She wasn’t sure what had happened. Something was different. She stretched out with her senses and was amazed to sense dozens, hundreds of people. And none of them tainted by the dark side. Some were…odd, but none felt like the…

 

Her thoughts broke off as she heard a groan nearby. She cracked her eyelids and saw a ship’s sickbay around her. She was hooked up to monitors but nothing else and she thought the equipment looked like Republic designs. She looked around and then froze, she wasn’t alone. Another berth was occupied. The man in the other berth was a stranger, she didn’t know him, so why was he so familiar? He was asleep, but not quiescent. He tossed his head and groaned loudly again. She felt his pain and it called to her. She sat up, willing her body to respond. It took longer to settle down than she liked, but it finally obeyed her commands. She deactivated the monitors; it wouldn’t do to set off medical alarms. When she stepped out of the bed, she felt dizzy, but immediately concentrated on her breathing again and the feeling passed. With quick steps she walked to the other berth. She examined the man. Nothing was physically wrong with him, but… She stopped short. Then she reached out through the Force and scrutinized what it told her. How in the name of the Force is this man alive? That kind of neural damage is always fatal…

 

She shook her head and then reached out a hand and touched his. Something flew between them and she recoiled in shock. Then she grimaced and shook her head. This man needed her help or he would die. Nothing else mattered at the moment. She concentrated for a moment, and then took his head in her hands. Power flowed and she felt the damage begin to heal. She kept up the feed, even when she heard a door open and someone exclaim sharply. Her entire focus was on the neural damage and the power she was directing to heal it. Finally, an eternity later, the damage was healed to the point where the man’s body would be able to recover normally and she withdrew her hands. She wearily turned her head and froze. A Wookiee stood behind her. She smiled, hesitant. Wookiees rarely served the Sith and even more rarely willingly. And there was no taint of the dark side about this one. Matter of fact, he was familiar as well. But from where? The Wookiee returned her smile, a sight that would have been terrifying if she didn’t know Wookiees so well. Then he barked a quiet question. Nia focused on speech. It was hard.

 

“He will recover. I was in time…” She broke off and wondered when she had fallen to the floor. I must have… She felt the Wookiee approach slowly and then she knew no more.

 

Olanagychew lifted the unconscious form into his arms and laid her back in her own berth. The doctor came up and scanned her. Olana stood stiffly until the doctor slumped in relief.

 

“She will be fine, she is just exhausted. I…I never knew Jedi could do that.” Olana nodded, troubled. Something about this woman was familiar. Very, very familiar. Then he stiffened. Another form had entered the sickbay.

 

“Olana, Doctor.” Olana inclined his head in respect. There were not many humans that Olana let use the short name. It was a token of respect and Olana respected this man. But propriety had to be observed, so Olana let the doctor answer.

 

“Commander.” Doctor L’trask was a good healer, and a kind being. Trandoshans had the reputation of being harsh, brutal, evil. And many embraced the racial stereotype as a life choice. But for many Trandoshans, especially the doctor, the thought of causing harm to sentients was wrong, abhorrent even. And he was very, very good at his job. Olana didn’t fully trust the doctor, but that was nothing strange. Olana didn’t trust easily at any time. “I came in and she was touching the Lieutenant Commander. She collapsed and now she is deeply unconscious again.”

 

“And Two?” Numbers instead of names. That was the way of the ship. The humans said it was safer for everyone most of the time. Olana shook his head minutely. L'trask did the same and they shared a wry grin. Humans were weird. L’trask went to the other berth and Olana watched him closely. If the doctor was aware of the intense scrutiny, he gave no sign. Then the doctor hissed. A Trandoshan sound of utter disbelief. Olana and the Commander moved towards the berth and the doctor moved aside. They could see the monitor for neural activity and it was… They both froze. It had been only minute activity before, so low as to be almost nonexistent. Now it was jumping and writhing, almost as strongly as in a normal human. They looked at each other, then at the doctor. The doctor shook his scaly snout.

 

“I don’t know. I…” He turned and looked at the slumbering woman. “I didn’t think a Jedi could have done that.” The commander shook his head.

 

“She’s not a Jedi.” Both of the non-humans stiffened at that, they looked at each other then at the commander. “I don’t know what she is, but she isn’t a Jedi or a Sith.” Olanna huffed and fingered his warblade. “Yeah. As of now, the door will be guarded.”

 

“Now see here commander…” The doctor began and then broke off as the man turned towards him.

 

“The guards will be to keep people OUT doctor, not to keep either of them in. We have more than a few aboard who would love to kill any Force user regardless of affiliation and you know why.” The commander held the doctor’s eyes until the doctor looked away. “I know you don’t like this, I don’t like it either. But while she is aboard, she is in danger from us. So the door will be guarded. Clear?”

 

“Clear, commander.” The doctor nodded.

 

“Olana?” The commander turned towards the Wookiee and was only mildly surprised to see Olana sitting by Two’s bed. “Be careful.” Olana nodded. They had gone through this before. “Doctor, listen to Olana. We can’t lose you, understand?” The doctor nodded reluctantly.

 

“Yes, commander.” L’Trask didn’t like this. It went against everything he believed, but… The commander waited a moment, then nodded to both of them and walked out of the sickbay. The Wookiee and the Trandoshan shared a look that combined resignation and wry amusement. Then L’trask went into his office and opened his computer. Olana sat more comfortably in the ridiculously small chair beside his friend’s berth.

Edited August 31, 2012 by kalenath

Olanagychew sat by his friend’s bed and tried not to worry. So much had changed and now…things were worse. He worried about what had happened, what would happen to the mysterious not-Jedi woman. Where did he know her from? And more, what would happen when his friend woke. For just a moment, he lost himself in memory.

 

 

 

 

“Move slave!” The Sith with the whip cracked it but Olanagychew didn’t flinch as it struck his thigh. He longed with all his being to take the whip from the arrogant trooper and make her eat it. But resistance was punished, and not just the resister. The last time Olanagychew had fought back, he had been whipped for an hour, and twenty of his fellow slaves had been gunned down in front of him. But the desire to fight back was there and strong.

 

The Sith mine on Dxun was a hellhole. They mined ore for the voracious war machines that the Sith kept using to conquer. The world was as much of a hell as the mine. Olanagychew thought that the predators of the Shadowlands on his beloved Kashykk might give some of the beasts a run for their money but... The ultimate fate of slaves who were too used up to continue was to be left outside the mine’s shielded walls after dark. The screams rarely lasted long. That would be his eventual fate, he knew it. He just wanted to take some of the Sith with him before he died, and no opportunity had…

 

“I SAID MOVE!” The Sith shouted and struck with her whip. When he didn’t react, she cursed and he heard her draw her blaster. They had no qualms about shooting him, since he healed so fast. He turned, showing his back and his contempt for his tormenter. He heard her pistol cycle as she reset it to full power and braced himself to be shot. But it never came. Something happened behind him and when he turned, the woman was lying on the ground in a position that showed she was very dead and a strangely garbed figure was crouched over her. In appearance it looked human, wearing armor. Strange armor, it shimmered as if light passed partially through it. The figure straightened up and saw Olanagychew looking at it. The figure tossed something at the Wookiee, turned and was gone. Olanagychew grabbed the object out of the air and looked at it in wonder. The code key for the binder cuffs that held him… Bemused, the Wookiee undid his bindings, spat on the corpse of the dead Sith and then picked up the blaster pistol she had dropped when she died. He looked at the forest, then nodded and followed the strange figure deeper into the Sith base.

 

It wasn’t hard to track the stranger. Empty cages and chains, dead Sith all over. Finally, Olanagychew heard firing in the distance and he ran towards it. He turned a corner and froze. The stranger was standing in plain sight and three sith stood behind a wall of Wookiees. The slaves blocked the stranger’s fire, but at the same time, the Sith couldn’t move. If they showed themselves, the stranger’s posture said he would shoot and if the got too close to their slaves, the slaves would kill them. Then his heart stopped. One of the slaves the Sith were using as a shield was his sister. He had thought her slain alone with the rest of his clan. He moved, quick and silent, out of the Sith’s line of sight. He knew the mines better than anyone. He could feel the stranger’s eyes on him, but the stranger didn’t move from his ready position. Then Onlangychew was in position, above and slightly to the rear of the Sith formation. The stranger opened fore, but with an odd weapon. It fired something invisible and it pushed the Wookiees out of the way. Then Olanagychew was among the Sith and nothing else mattered. He was just finishing off the third when something struck him from behind and he went down in a pile of limbs and fur. When he looked up he saw a Sith with lightsaber raised. The black garbed human swung and suddenly tawny fur got between them and the Wookiee howled as his sister was cut down. He picked up a rock and threw it. The Sith laughed as the rock bounced off something invisible, then Olanagychew watched in amazement as the Sith seemed to levitate. And a small metal object appeared through the front of the Sith’s robes. The Sith hesitated, then crumpled. The stranger stood behind the Sith with a bloody blade. Olanagychew jumped to his feet and ran to his sister. Amazingly life still flickered in her eyes. She spoke.

 

<Olanagychew?>

 

<I am here, Jemmino> He wanted to take her in his arms, but he hesitated. He looked at her, she was hurt, badly. The lightsaber hadn’t penetrated enough to kill quickly, but it had penetrated a lot. A glancing blow, but… A noise came from behind him and he spun, ready to fight or kill. The stranger stood, motionless. He looked at the stranger and was amazed when the stranger slowly reached up and undid his helmet. He was even more amazed when the stranger spoke in Shirwook!

 

<She lives?> Olanagychew stared at the human. The armor, no longer transparent, was red and white, Republic colors. <I can help her.> Olanagychew stared at the stranger in disbelief.

 

<Why would you?> He asked in a harsh bark.

 

<Because I can. And because it is the right thing to do.> The stranger stood while Olanagychew debated with himself. He didn’t trust easily, anyone. But, his sister was dying! He bowed his head and stood aside. He watched as the stranger walked slowly closer.

 

“You can understand me? I speak very little Shirwook.” Both Wookiees nodded, although Jemmino winced in pain as she did. “Don’t move. This will feel strange, but it will help.” He placed a small object on the wound and Olanagychew watched in awe as the wound…healed. Slowly. From the inside out. The stranger looked at the other slaves who were also watching in awe. He pointed towards one of the Sith. <Key>

 

One of the Wookiees went to the corpse and then, after unlocking her own restraints, started unlocking the others. A few minutes later Jemmino put a hand to her side and shook her head, the wound was gone! The stranger smiled and nodded. He stood back up and backed away as Jemmino stood, slowly and shakily. Olanagychew ran to his sister and held her tight. They both looked up as the stranger spoke.

 

“A Republic transport will be touching down at the base landing pad in an hour. Get all of your people out of here; a little while after that this mine is going to be a crater.” With that he turned and vanished into the gloom, leaving the Wookiees to stare after him in shock.

Olanagychew stood at the landing pad and wondered. His people had all been rescued, the transport crew included a medic trained in Wookiee physiology. They had wanted him to come, but he…Something had made him stay. The stranger appeared from the mine and froze as he saw Olanagychew standing there.

 

“You should have gone with the others.” Olonagychew shook his head. “Well, since you are here…” He handed the Wookiee a pad. On it, a command flashed. Detonate. Olana looked at the man and the man shrugged. The Wookiee pressed the button and the ground shook as a series of explosions went off. They seemed muted somehow and Olanagychew looked at the stranger.

 

“Those set up a reactor overload. We have about fifteen minutes to be a long way from here. I hope you don’t mind small spaces.” Something roared in the distance and then a small fighter came in for a landing. A hatch opened and the stranger entered. He stopped.

“You coming?”

 

Olanagychew stared at the mine. He could hear and feel a rumbling now. He spun and clambered into the ship. True to the stranger’s words, the fit was tight. Even a six foot tall human would have found it tight. A seven and a half foot tall Wookiee barely fit with no room for anything else. He was focused so much on the tight quarters that he didn’t notice when the ship lifted off. But then the ship shuddered and the stranger groaned. The Wookiee looked at the man and froze in shock. He wasn’t touching the controls! But the ship danced in an evasive pattern and then a Sith heavy fighter appeared in front of them. A moment later, noises came from either side of the ship and the Sith fighter disintegrated. A few minutes later, the transport that had carried his people to safety appeared in the viewscreen. They moved underneath it and Olanagychew saw a tube that would mesh with the fighter’s hatch. A moment later, loud clunks heralded their arrival. The stranger stood up but then collapsed. The Wookiee moved to assist, but the close quarters wouldn’t allow it. The man gasped from the floor.

 

“Hatch. Code. Green, green, blue.” Then he collapsed again. Olanagychew made his way to the hatch and keyed in the code. The hatch opened and a startled Twilek in a medical tunic took a step back.

 

“Uh… Where is he?” The Wookiee waved at the cockpit and the Twilek danced under his arm, darting into the small ship. Her curse was loud. Olanagychew stepped out of the hatch and stood up to his full height. The Twilek appeared in the hatch, dragging the still form of the stranger. Olanagychew motioned to her and easily lifted the man. She nodded.

 

“Follow me.” And he did. She led him into the crowded transport and through Wookiees and Republic medical personnel, who made as much room for them as they could. They came to a door and she hesitated, and then keyed it open. Inside was a small, spartan sickbay. She motioned to place the man on an exam table and Olanagychew did. Then he stepped back. She scanned him and then readied a spray hypo. She injected the man and suddenly was flying across the room. The Wookiee froze as the man jumped off the table. His eyes were closed! Olanagychew stood, frozen. The Twilek gasped out from where she lay.

 

“Don’t let him out. He’s sleep…” She slumped fully unconscious. The furry warrior stood and then moved to block the door. The armored figure moved to pass and Olanagychew moved to block again. The armored figure took a swing, a clumsy one and Olanagychew blocked it easily. He was jolted by a kick, and then they were fighting. Not the flashy, showy moves of the vids, but actual for real hand to hand. The Wookiee took a few hits, and gave a few in return. He wasn’t trying to hurt the man, after all, he had saved Olanagychew’s life and the lives of many Wookiees, but this man was fighting for all he was worth! He missed a block and only a split second dodge kept his skull from being split by a kick. Then a blaster hummed. And the man crumbled to the deck. The Twilek stood behind him, shaking. Her arm lowered and her blaster, still smoking, went back into her holster almost on its own. The Wookiee looked at her.

 

<Why?> She obviously couldn’t understand Shirwook, but the question was obvious.

 

“I was warned…I didn’t believe…When he gets like that, he has no target control.” She sighed deeply then coughed. “Aw no, can you get him back into the bed? I…” She broke off and ran towards a small door labeled “Refresher.” Olanagychew gathered up the man and put him back in the bed. By the time he was done, the Twilek had returned.

 

“Thank you. I am Sherrina.” She scrutinized the Wookiee. “Are you okay?” Olanagychew nodded. “I’m glad. He hits HARD.” Olanagychew nodded. “For what it’s worth, welcome aboard the Stormhawk.”

Edited August 31, 2012 by kalenath

<The present>

 

The Wookiee sat by his friend’s bed and tried hard not to worry. To take so much damage… Will actually became part of his ship when he flew. Upside was literally inhuman ability to fly. Downside was if the ship took damage… The most hits he had EVER seen Will take while linked to his fighter was three and that had taken a month for Will to recover from. The way that Will flew, it was uncanny, but not unexplainable, even if the doc’s explanations did go right over his head. He froze, Will had moved. He waited, hoping he wouldn’t have to fight his friend again. When Will slept, sometimes his body moved on its own. Will never explained why, just what to do. Mainly put him down fast and call for a medic. The Wookiee relaxed when Will’s eyes opened. The human shook his head, and then focused on his large furry friend.

 

“Olana?” His voice was strong, stronger than it had ever been when he came out of one of his…episodes. Olana grinned and nodded.

 

“What…I was…” His eyes widened and Olanagychew spun around to find the female human awake and looking at them. Will focused on her. “Who ARE you?”

 

“My name is Nia Korr.” The woman answered after a moment.

 

“You helped me.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded anyway. “Why?”

 

“My mother told me a lot of stories about you. The republic soldier who would do anything to fight the Sith. Who lost everything, and kept fighting.” Will shook his head and Olanagychew stared at her.

 

“I don’t remember you.”

 

“You wouldn’t. It took a while for me to remember. The blocks are strong, in your case, they are insanely strong.”

 

“What are you talking about?” His voice held a hint of confusion, but mainly his tone and expression were mild. But only a fool would call them friendly. The woman, Nia, grinned, a bit sheepishly.

 

“I don’t know how to say this except to say it. You are my dad.”

Edited August 31, 2012 by kalenath

Will sat back on the medical berth and tried not to laugh. The woman, Nia, was obviously…

 

“I’m not crazy.” He squinted at her, then sat back and crossed his arms.

 

“Reading people’s minds without permission is a good way to get killed, ma’am.” His voice was cold and hard, and even Olana backed off a bit.

 

“My name is Nia and I am your daughter.” Her voice was only a touch warmer than his. Olana looked from one to the other, then shook his mighty head, got up and left the sickbay. Neither one seemed to notice.

 

“I don’t HAVE a daughter.” Will replied, still cold and harsh. “I have never had kids.”

 

“You don’t remember. I can…” She broke off as Will drew a hold out blaster. The aim point was between her eyes. She froze.

 

“You lie to me one more time, and rescuee or not, I’ll blow what brains you have all over the wall. Clear?” This was obviously NOT an idle threat. “And stay OUT of my head!”

 

“I’m not lying.” Nia’s voice was soft.

 

“I don’t have a daughter. My family is dead. And as far as I am concerned…” He broke off as L’trask came into the room and froze on seeing the tableau.

 

“Put the weapon away, Will.” Will didn’t move. “This is a sickbay, not a battlefield, put the blaster away.” Will looked at the doc, and then slowly holstered his blaster. Then he swung his feet off the bed. “Where do you think you are going?” The doc asked.

 

“Away.” Will replied, and then he was gone. The doctor stared after him, and then turned his gaze toward the woman who slumped on the bed.

 

“Can I ask what just happened, or does it fall under Jedi business?” His last words were sarcastic.

 

“I’m not a Jedi. Who are you?” She asked as he came closer to the bed.

 

“I’m the doctor here, and since you seem to have run off my other patient, I need to check you out before I go and try and hunt him down to scan him.” He ran a standard scan and was not surprised to find all of her readings in human norms. “Can I ask what you said to set him off? I have never seen him run from anything before.”

 

“He’s…I…” She slumped. “I made a fool of myself, but…” She broke off again.

 

“But what?” The Trandoshan asked in an acerbic tone. “Well?” he prompted when she didn’t continue.

 

“His name is Will Kalenath. He is a Republic Special Operations Commando. Crack pilot, sniper, demolitions expert and infiltration master.”

 

“You know a lot about him, for someone who just met him…” L’trask broke off as the woman sighed then coughed. He brought her a glass of water and she drank gratefully. When she had finished the glass she spoke again.

 

“My mother told me a lot about him.”

 

“How did she know him?” The doctor busied himself with his equipment, but froze when she spoke again. Her voice was quiet.

 

“He’s my dad.” L’trask looked at her totally sincere face, at the door Will had left through then at the floor. He sat down heavily in a chair and put his head in his hands.

 

“As if our lives were not complicated enough.” He laughed ruefully.

 

 

Will sat in one of his favorite places aboard ship. Observation bubbles were hardly used anymore. Only if the three levels of primary navigation computer support and eight levels of backup failed would the crew need to use the bubble for star sighting navigation. He loved to see the open stars. It was a view he never tired of. Stars, galaxies, nebulae, comets, it was infinite, beautiful and a little terrifying. The stars didn’t care, they just were. Or in the case of many, had been. Since the light from the stars had been travelling for so long that many had burned out by now. The view made him feel insignificant. It made his problems feel insignificant. It put many things into perspective. Most of the time. The bubble had another use. In case of sensor failure, the ships heavy guns could be directed from bubbles just like this one. He thought about what it must be like to be in battle in the pod, nothing but the heavy shielding protecting the occupant from the horrendous weights of fire that came the way of battleships. Then he snorted to himself. He faced the same kind of thing in his fighter, with weaker shields. He stared out into infinity.

 

He didn’t move as the hatch opened. He had the only seat, a narrow bench that faced all of the manual star sight equipment, but he didn’t move. He could have been carved from ice for all the emotion he showed. The presence moved and came into his field of view. The commander of the ship, Stormhawk Boss. As always, Boss was in full armor. He never went ANYWHERE without it. Scuttlebutt onboard said he went to the refresher wearing it and only took off as much as he absolutely had to. It both inspired the troops and made them nervous. A commander who they knew was ready to fight was a good thing. A commander who expected to get shot at? Not so much.

 

“Hawk Two. I thought I would find you here.” Will nodded, but didn’t respond otherwise. The commander sighed. “You want to talk about it?”

 

“Nothing to talk about.” The commander snorted.

 

“Two. The doc did a full genetic scan. It’s positive.” Will didn’t acknowledge the words. He just kept staring out into the deep black. “Two…” He reached out to grasp his friend by the shoulder then reconsidered. “Talk to her. She…She’s persuasive.”

 

“Of course she is persuasive. She’s a Jedi.” The last word came out with heat and Will shook himself.

 

“She hasn’t tried to use the force on me. You know how well that would work anyway.” Will snorted at the commander’s dry tone. One of the…innovations in the standard armor for members of the crew was a nerve amplifier. While it was uncomfortable, it also kept any Force user from being able to mind control a member of the crew. It had been one of Will’s suggestions. “Seriously, Will.” Will turned as the commander addressed him by name. That had only happened twice before in the time they had known each other. “You need to talk to her. If only to clear things up before we ship her out. We can’t keep her here.” Will snorted in agreement. “We have already had three fights…”

 

“Four.” Will interjected and the commander snorted.

 

“I hadn’t heard about another brawl.”

 

“Wasn’t much of a brawl. Two missile tech exchanged words and were heading towards blows when I came around the corner.” The commander laughed.

 

“Scared them did you?” Will’s tight smile was all the commander needed. “Anything I should officially know about?”

 

“Nah, just blowing off steam. And I can’t blame them, I needed to as well.”

 

“Which is why you come here. Seriously, Two, as a friend, not your commander. Talk to her.” Will stayed where he was. The commander left the bubble as quietly as he had entered, leaving Will to his thoughts.

Nia Korr sat in the stateroom she had been given and tried to clear her mind. The situation wasn’t what she had expected. Well, she hadn’t exactly planned any of this and well, no…she hadn’t known WHAT to expect. But to wind up on a ship full of people who hated Force users… For good reasons, but still… Her thoughts broke off as the door opened and the huge form of a Wookiee stood framed in the light from the corridor. She smiled. Olanagychew was a good being, a kind and considerate soul. But even with him, she sensed an undercurrent of anger towards her. No, not towards her specifically, but towards Force users. She had gleaned some things by overhearing the guards who stood outside her door and knew WHY Olanagychew hated the Sith. To lose almost his whole clan so…so callously She sighed sadly, and Olanagychew came in and door hissed closed and locked behind him. Wookiee body language could be hard to read through the fur, but when he cocked his head, she was sure he was wondering why she seemed so distant. She refused to use the Force to help her. She had considered it.

 

Then Olanagychew had explained why it really wasn’t a good idea. Nerve amplifiers… She shuddered at the thought of trying to mind control anyone on the ship now. She recovered and smiled at Olanagychew and the Wookiee smiled back. She truly liked the Wookiee. She had met Wookiees before and knew most of them to be honorable, trustworthy, and noble. But…there were stories she had heard as a child, about a being called Hanharr. Even now, many years later, she still woke at times in a cold sweat, sure that furry arms were reaching for her to throttle the life out of her. Olanagychew looked at her and warbled a question.

 

“I am alright. I was just hoping you were…” She broke off. She didn’t have to continue. Olanagychew sat. She stifled a smile; the huge Wookiee looked ridiculous perched precariously on a human sized chair. Olanagychew spoke. Since he couldn’t speak Basic, it was a good thing she had learned Shirwook, the Wookiee language.

 

<He does not believe you.>

 

“I don’t blame him. I barely believe many of the things that have happened.” She smiled ruefully. Her black hair swam in currents as she shook her head.

 

<Have you given any thought to what you will do?> They had spoken of this. She knew she couldn’t remain here, and Olanagychew couldn’t leave. She knew the concept of Wookiee life debts. And the thought of this Wookiee breaking a vow was unthinkable.

 

“Yes.” Her voice was quiet but easily audible.

 

<What will you do?>

 

“I will go to Tython, to the Jedi. I will ask them to sever me from the Force.” Olanagychew’s eyes widened. That was a drastic step. And irreversible.

 

<Why?> He asked, incredulous. She sighed.

 

“I never wanted this power. And now that I have heard about what the Force has done to you and the others on this ship I kno…” She froze in mid-word as Olanagychew barked.

 

<You mustn’t> She looked at him, disbelief apparent in all of her body language.

 

“How can you say that? After what happened to your family?” Onlanagychew bowed his head, and then he raised it. He looked her straight in the eyes. His eyes were the deepest blue she had ever seen. They held her like a kath pup fixed by the stare of a kinrath.

 

<What happened to my family was horrible, yes. Things like that are what every member of this crew fights to stop. But…> Olanagychew broke off. <We cannot be everywhere. The Sith are growing in numbers and daring. We need all the help we can get.>

 

“But, from what I have heard and seen… This ship is amazing. I don’t think even a Sith fleet could beat it and her crew.” The Stormhawk was beyond state of the art. Everything about her spoke of technology and speed.

 

“You are wrong.” The soft voice came from behind them and they both spun to see Will sitting in a shadowed alcove. Nia felt her eyes widen so far they hurt and she was sure Olanagychew’s had grown just as large.

 

“How did you get in here?” She asked; her voice harsh with shock and a bit of fear. All of what her mother had told her, meshed with things she had heard on the Stormhawk, made her very cautious around this man. He could kill as easily as a Nexu and with about as much compunction.

 

“I helped build this ship.” He sat, deep enough in the shadows that she couldn’t see his hands. But she knew, even without using the Force, that he had a weapon out.

 

“I wouldn’t use the Force on you.” He was terrifying, beyond anything she had encountered. Not even the Sith Darth Harron had been so scary. She didn’t move. She barely could breath.

 

“You already did.” His voice held no emotion at all. She couldn’t help it, she sat back in shock.

 

“To save your life.”

 

“No one asked you to.” Olanagychew looked from one to the other then quickly left the stateroom. The door hissed closed and locked behind him. He looked at the guards and shook his head. One of them looked at him and he barked commands. Everyone onboard spoke some Shirwook. Lots of Wookiees called the Stormhawk at least a temporary home. So all of the personnel understood a few things. Like:

 

<Do not enter, family discussion in progress.>

((And so it begins. Comments or suggestions always welcome. Flames might wind up facing and angry Wookiee.))

I hope you wont take any of my comments personally. While I have a fair amount of criticism to make, I have taken care to do so honestly and constructively. (Well ok maybe there is a slight egde to it at times, but I hope you will accept that this part of my passion for storytelling shinning through, but where I point out a flaw I will struggle to point out how this can be improved). And as always, take this critique for what its worth. If you enjoy writing this way, don't let me stop you.

 

Firstly, I have to be honest, I couldn't finish reading this one. I got to reading Olana's back story in the Dxun mine before I stopped. Perhaps the following critique is only valid up until that point. However I suspect that some of the flaws I am about to point out persisted

 

My main problem with the story would have to be the characters, especially Will. All of them have the whiff of Mary Sue about them. Take greater care to create more balanced characters - its the flaws that make people relatable and interesting. Will in particular. Seriously, I want to smack him. On the first page of posts alone, the word 'grin' appears 14 times. 14. Fourteen. Seriously. Aside from that he manages to fight like no one else can, and survive injuries that should of killed god knows how many time, even in the short few posts that I read. Whenever this sort of improbable thing happened I mentally yawned

 

Beyond the Mary Sue issues, or perhaps because of them, the characters seemed a bit wooden. It seems like the characters are serving the plot, rather than the plot arising naturally from the characters. All the dialogue is so functional, with characters ping-poning information. I'd advise you to have a look here at

in which he talks about how to create good dialogue

 

There was also a fair bit of deus ex machina at times. I think the biggest example would be the artifact Will pulls out that stops all force powers working. What? Where did that come from? If you're going to pull such devices out on us, then you're going to have to foreshadow them a bit. If he seems to just pull it from nowhere it tends to make the reader feel like the author is cheating - isn't taking responsibility for their plot.

 

Another important point is to show not tell. You do do this to some degree, but not a strongly as you could. You rattle off things happening, but dont care to explain what it feels like. I want you to tell me how the air feels in their lungs and what the grit feels like between their toes!

 

Relatedly, think carefully about how you use language. Words don't just have meaning, but they are also sounds, and therefore they have the qualities of music. Good prose positively hums with the joy of language. Alas, I don't know how to give you practical advice in this regard. I can make no other suggestion that go and read some poetry, and to think when writing about the sheer joy of one word placed after another.

 

Hope you find some of these comments illuminating. And as always, keep writing

This was my very first foray into fan fiction in 2008. I agree it is pretty horrendous. Some people say I got better since then, but I dunno.

 

I will be posting the next stories as I have time.

A good first effort. You have the ability to write.

 

But you seem to have no "inner voice" or at least you are hiding it.

 

On to the critique.

 

You must pay attention to your audience. Who is reading this ? Make a charactar they can identify with. I'm Mr Toughie Technician with the Invincible Hardware isn't going to appeal to anyone.

 

Mrs I Got The Force Without Training I'm So Special ... same deal. And the part where she's a heavy force user ... how was she ever enslaved in the first place ? Credibility issues all over the place. Why wasn't she shipped off to Korriban / Tython ? How did she slip thorugh the cracks ?

 

Also , the artifact to rip the force out of force users... very unbalancing. You will have a hard time dealing with that artifact in a believable way. Sooner or later you're going to be tripping over why your main force user doesn't get hit by it , or why she's immune , etc etc.

 

The nerve thingy to make them immune to mental suggestion thingy is a good idea. But you should play up the part where it doesn't protect him from non-mental attacks (ie: lightning / telekinesis) . Otherwise you've gutted george lucas's work and rendered the force users useless against the latest technology.

 

just my opinion ... just my opinon