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Cotlu-Hunlon
11.14.2014 , 10:42 PM | #1
We are nearly approaching this game's third anniversary and I am dissatisfied that this game is no longer the perfect world I experienced upon first entering its glorious domain. In this thread I will refresh your memory of various old ways and customs which should be restored by Bioware and we, the players, with utmost haste.

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1) Upon creating ones first Sith warrior/inquisitor, one should regard themselves as "sufficiently evil" and "the bomb" having slain their first k'lor'slug in open combat.

2) All red zabrak males must subscribe to the Darth Maul look of red skin and a full head of horns. Players who deviate from this should be openly mocked with the /laugh command.

3) Players who name themselves Obi'wan'kenobi, or a variation of such, may be dismissed as unimaginative and lacking in originality. One must proceed to perform the /slap emote upon them repeatedly.

4) Upon acquiring 8 Tython/Korriban/Ord Mantell/Hutta commendations, one can regard themselves as "MLG pro" for being able to purchase the blue chestpiece of their starter planet. Players falling short of the 8 commendations required, should proceed to kill k'lor'slugs until they attain the necessary commendations.

5) Someone on Tython must always be desperately inquiring how to equip their new companion with their latest green item acquisition.

6) Pureblood Sith characters may take delight in repeatedly slapping Vette, much to the amazement of onlookers.

7) 12 year old boys, having previously chosen every dark side option on their new Sith, should have a change of heart upon acquiring Vette and select light side options in order to fully romance her.

8) Any player with knowledge of a datacron's location should advertise this fact and proceed to invite all players to join them as an egoboost. Upon acquisition, all freeloaders must politely say thankyou, and also repeatedly question the purpose of said datacron.

9) Should one leave their starter world and proceed to the fleet before reaching level 10, they are to be openly mocked in general chat, and only after sufficient mocking, given directions back to whence they came.

10) Upon receipt of one's first lightsaber, one is entitled to strut through Korriban Academy with it permanently wielded and proceed to flaunt one's accomplishments to the lowly acolytes still clutching their training swords.

11) Upon noticing a player with a yellow/black lightsaber, one must repeatedly question them as to its acquisition. One may reply smugly of their having pre-ordered the game and proceed to announce themselves as "the bomb".

12) Many attempts should be made in general chat to assertain why sword-wielding Trandoshan Qyzen Fess requires gear with 'Aim' stat.

13) If one is looking for other players to complete a Heroic mission, one must type: "LFG" followed by the mission's name. Any deviation from this format is considered hubris.

14) After choosing one's advanced class, one must panic and enquire in the fleet general chat where one receives their second lightsaber, or appropriate new weapon, and must be patronisingly told to search their inventory for a brown equipment bag which contains their future offhand weapon.

15) Should one already have been through this ordeal, proceed to regard oneself as an "MLG pro" upon smugly opening your new advanced class' equipment bag without outside intervention.

16) Upon acquiring 'Death From Above' at level 10, all Bounty Hunters must perform said ability upon request for onlookers, and, following this display can walk away from their crowds of admirers with newfound confidence.

17) Troopers may be mocked repeatedly for using Mortar Volley instead which is inferior in every way.

18) All fresh level 10s must queue for a warzone, regardless of one's lack of Sprint or advanced class.

19) Upon being passed the Huttball for the first time, one must stand still without passing and allow oneself to be murdered horribly by the opposing team.

20) Should one be level 50 already at this early stage in the game, one should proceed to enter warzones and destroy all the new participants. (see #19)

21) All new arrivals to the fleet should proceed to the entrance for Black Talon / The Esseles and wait silently to be invited by other people with more initiative than yourself. Starting one's own group is forbidden.

22) Should one select Operative or Assassin as their chosen path, one must spend the entirety of Black Talon in stealth, only appearing briefly to backstab the boss and at no other time.

23) Players that select Vanguard or Scoundrel as their chosen path and believe to be in control of a ranged class, should be mocked by players for having in fact chosen a melee class.

24) Should one proceed to Dromund Kaas or Coruscant without completing their respective flashpoint journeys, they should be openly insulted for not having sufficient gonads to venture into group content.

25) Upon receipt of one's Social Badge, one may regard oneself as "the bomb". One must proceed to dish out humorous quips in Coruscant general chat. One may then discard the Social Badge and ponder its existence in the game.

26) Players that reach level 14 and acquire 'Sprint' may regard themselves as superior to all levels beneath them and may proceed to smugly run past their slower brethren at every opportunity.

27) One should feel "evil to the core" for reaching the Dark 1 alignment requirement in order to install red lightsaber crystals in their chosen hilt.

28) Lightside Sith may be openly mocked and/or stoned in Dromund Kaas for wielding a blue/green saber. Yellow is the approriate colour, should one wish to reject their Sith teachings.

29) One is allowed to feel excitement during the journey back to Kaas City, having levelled up on their most recent expedition. Upon return one must proceed directly to one's respective class trainer to be taught new abilities, for a hefty price.

30) One should flaunt one's new ship to all the peasants on Dromund Kaas upon completion of the prologue, and announce themselves as "the bomb" in general chat.

31) Should a player be performing the /dance emote, it is customary to join them and form inpromptu plans to create a galactic dance group. One should add the player as a friend and never speak to them again after that day is passed.

32) One must save all credits from level 1 onwards in order to be able to afford the 40k pricetag of Speeder Piloting 1 at level 25.

33) Should one fail to reach this sum, they shall be punished with the task of walking during their excursions on Tatooine. Any players on their speeder that witness someone walking on Tatooine should bounce around the aforementioned player in circles and proceed to deliver a humorous quip through the /whisper function upon their departure over the horizon.

34) One should experience inner conflict at the speeder vendor between purchasing the Rendili Watchman or the Czerka Patroller. Ultimately, one must purchase the Rendili to regard themselves as "the bomb". Players who purchase the Czerka model are allowed to be mocked by passers-by.

35) Should a player steal one's security chest loot whilst one is in the process of killing its defenders, one may denounce the player as a thief and a ruffian, and must inform all in general chat to be wary of such a player.

/bow

Any contributions to this list are welcome.

The Nostalgia Thread - Come live in December 2011 with me