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Gentlemen, Please Sith Down

mousestalker

By mousestalker
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mousestalker

mousestalker

Posted
Posted

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Office furnishings

 

May I offer my office's heartfelt congratulations on your recent promotion. We are certain you will be an asset to His Imperial Majesty's government and we will endeavour to accommodate your every desire.

 

As you are no doubt aware, the Empire has strict rules as to what furniture is appropriate for Sith of your rank. To that end, per Imperial Proscript 12-456-B(6), we have removed all inappropriate furniture from your office and dwelling and have expedited the delivery of your new furniture.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISSB(furn.)

DOFS(eq)

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mousestalker

mousestalker

Posted
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Posted (edited)

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Office furnishings

 

My lord,

 

Please accept my humblest apologies about your current situation. However, we are bound by the Emperor's Will and until he changes his proscripts we must act accordingly. We fully understand that neither your apartment nor your office are currently furnished, but we are helpless in this matter. The law forbids you to use furniture designated for lesser beings. Rest assured I have personally sent a message to the distribution center urging their prompt action in this matter.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Executive Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: DistrCent 14-153(EB)

ISS(ASL)

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mousestalker

mousestalker

Posted
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Posted (edited)

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Office furnishings

 

My lord,

 

We were most taken aback by the tone of your last communication. You have received your rank appropriate furniture faster than any Sith lord in recent memory. I can assure your lordship that four planetary months is unheard of speed in the Imperial Service. Further, our inventory of chairs suitable for your lordship is completely exhausted. Rest assured we have sent an urgent note to the manufacturer urging their prompt attention on this matter.

 

By way of apology I am enclosing a souvenir holocron of our beloved Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISSS(IBS)

GRFS(wss)

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mousestalker

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Posted (edited)

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Office furnishings

 

My lord,

 

There are members of the Dark Council who have not received their executive chairs. I can assure your lordship that you are not exceptional in that regard. We, and you, are bound by Imperial law as set down by the Emperor himself. Unless and until he rescinds his decree we all have to make do. The Emperor ordered us to only use chairs from one particular company for Sith lords. We have done so.

 

I have attached a copy of the most recent letter this department has sent to the manufacturer in question, Tarexchaco, Inc. Your lordship may rest assured that everything possible has been done on our end.

 

By way of apology I am enclosing a souvenir holocron of our beloved Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISSS(SIA)

IWMS(cfd)

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mousestalker

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Posted

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Good news

 

My lord,

 

I have excellent news! One of junior members of our department has made a discovery that affects you directly. It seems that when the Emperor classified all available office furnishings by rank he left unclassified one item, which is therefore available to all members of the Imperial bureaucracy regardless of rank.

 

It is with great pleasure I take pride in assuring you that your new Bantha milking stool should arrive in the next week.

 

In honour of this achievement, I am enclosing a celebratory holocron of our beloved Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISSS(CYA)

HCS

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Meluna

Meluna

Posted
Posted

Hi there, mousestalker! I just wanted to pop in and say this was a blast to read. Looking forward to seeing more of the furniture debacle. :D

 

We love seeing the creative and interesting pieces you guys are working on. Keep up the good work, everyone! (Yes, we do read this forum! ;))

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mousestalker

mousestalker

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Posted

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: A suggestion

My lord,

 

I understand your feelings when Darth Morosa inherited her former master's furnishings. He did indeed have a lovely chair. And she is lower than you on the priority list. But what happened with her is in accordance with both Imperial tradition and our regulations.

 

Darth Morosa poisoned her former master's tea. She then laid out the full extent of his treason before the Council. Under the circumstances she received his executive chair, rolltop desk, executive meeting table and occasional furniture complete with sofa, loveseat and eight board chairs as a reward for her patriotism.

 

You ascended to executive status by peaceful means.

 

By way of commiseration I am enclosing a souvenir holocron of our beloved Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISCS(FSIA)

IYNMS(mns)

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mousestalker

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Posted (edited)

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: An explanation

My lord,

 

It is with profound regret that I tender to you this department's deepest apologies. But, as I have explained before, we are bound by Imperial law and regulations. When you denounced Darth Balkana as a traitor, we were all shocked, of course. But the resulting combat damaged all of her exquisite office furniture. You are not allowed to use damaged furniture. We have every confidence that Imperial Security will reach the right result in their investigation of her treachery.

 

Had the furniture been merely scuffed we could have repaired it expeditiously here and returned it to you by next quarter, which is exceptionally speedy, you must agree.

 

As it now stands, the furniture was damaged so badly we had to return it to the manufacturer for salvage. Tarexchaco, Inc. is a reputable firm and should have your executive chair in full repair shortly.

 

By way of apology I am enclosing a souvenir holocron of our beloved Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: IEC(FS)

IBPA(dcc)

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Posted

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Customer service

 

My lord,

 

You are always welcome at our offices. Any or all of our 247 customer service combat droids would be more than happy to help you with your complaint. Please bring copies of all of our correspondence, your official requisition forms and your designation of next of kin and I am certain all your concerns with this office will be resolved.

 

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: IDoFS(DCD)

IBPA(ddd)

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mousestalker

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To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: A suggestion

 

My lord,

 

Our staff enjoyed your recent visit. We trust that your injuries were not too severe. I deeply regret that I was unable to meet with you personally, but what with the gear up towards the resumption of our proactive peace program with the Republic and my normal duties, my time is pretty well filled up leaving me little to no time for unscheduled visitors.

 

I will, however, pass along your comments regarding the effectiveness and durability of our blast shield grade doors. They are manufactured in house and our staff take great pride in their quality. Your comments will gratify them no end.

 

As for your furniture, we have explored every channel. While I am hesitant to predict the future, I can say with some confidence that you should, barring any unforeseen events, receive it well within the next two centuries. Our problem is that while the turnover amongst Sith lords is quite high so also is the breakage.

 

We are forbidden by Imperial proscript from using anyone other than one manufacturer for repair, acquisition or replacement of furniture for persons of your rank. And for whatever reason we haven't received any product from the manufacturer for the past three centuries.

 

We have appealed to the Emperor, but his time is extremely valuable and he has not considered our appeal yet. I am confident that whatever decision he reaches when he does so consider it will answer all of your concerns. Unfortunately, we have had no word as to when, if ever, that may happen.

 

We would appreciate it if you would add your weight to our appeal. It may make all the difference. Failing that, your only alternative would be to take your concerns up with the manufacturer.

 

Attached please find an Imperial birthday holocron of the Emperor.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: Gart Pronsul, ISPAS

Tarexchaco, Inc (GR)

HGFT(sdg)

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Jenovan

Jenovan

Posted
Posted
rofl!! Glad to see your comedic stylings still happily at work over here :D I was waiting for the visit to customer service, but was not expecting that outcome. Clearly the hallmark of an experienced CS branch.
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mousestalker

Posted
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Posted

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: A follow up

 

My lord,

 

Thank you for your letter of support in favour of our petition to the Emperor for reconsideration of the Imperial furniture directives. This department greatly appreciates your work.

 

I do have a suggestion for your lordship, if you are willing to devote some time and money towards solving your problem. While you are restricted as to what sort of furniture you may use, you may obtain any approved level furniture from any source you wish. The used furniture market is quite vibrant and robust with many vendors ready and willing to sell almost any sort of furniture. You might be surprised at how many of your peers have stocked their offices with their own furniture. Then when your officially supplied furniture arrives you can dispose of your own property as you please, either by reselling it or using in your home.

 

Officially, we can not recommend any one reseller, but many Lords of the Sith have had great success on Darthslist.

 

By way of further thanks for your efforts, I enclose an anniversary Commemorative holocron of our Emperor.

 

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: Borta Nerlis

Dlst(adj)

HGFT(aux)

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Posted (edited)

To: Darth Savanter

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: A New Direction

My lord,

 

We are truly sorry you have not been able to find suitable furniture privately. These things can take some time. In answer to your question, the manufacturer of the approved set of executive chairs and in fact of all the furniture available for your rank is Tarexchaco, Inc. The headquarters and manufacturing plant are all located in unreclaimed Republican space. As you may appreciate, this has made communications and shipment problematic.

 

The firm's address is 1 Executive Chair Lane, Brill Sediment, Taris 23XGF738. According to our best information the firm occupies the entire block with both offices and factory. Over the past century we have sent three purchasing agents to follow up on our orders. Two defected without any further communication. The last sent back a garbled account that said "So many rec girls, I've never seen so many" and then broke off into repeated invocations of his deity. As a Lord of the Sith you are immune to the salacious temptations of Republican hedonism.

 

As a word of caution, while we are no longer allowed to send agents to Taris, it is our department's policy that any agents in future should have all of their immunizations up to date. If your lordship can expedite the delivery of the five hundred seventy two executive chairs we have on order with Tarexchaco Inc., you would have the eternal gratitude of this entire department.

 

Enclosed please find a travel sized holocron of our Imperial Ruler.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: RTC(TB)

IFS(tcp)

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Posted

To: Darth Agressa

From: Deputy Secretary, Imperial Distribution and Supplies (Executive Branch)

Re: Office furnishings

 

May I offer my office's heartfelt congratulations on your recent promotion. We are certain you will be an asset to His Imperial Majesty's government and we will endeavour to accommodate your every desire.

 

As you are no doubt aware, the Empire has strict rules as to what furniture is appropriate for Sith of your rank. To that end, per Imperial Proscript 12-456-B(6), we have removed all inappropriate furniture from your office and dwelling and have expedited the delivery of your new furniture.

 

Glory to the Emperor!

 

Egret Reconcil

Deputy Secretary, IDAS(EB)

 

cc: ISSB(furn.)

DOFS(eq)

 

 

{{{Finis}}}

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