Obviously what follows is blatant plagiarism from Monty python but hopefully will give a chuckle for people bored at work:-

 

A customer enters BW office in Austin

Mr Lurch: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

 

(BW employee does not respond.)

 

Mr. Lurch: 'Ello, Miss?

 

BW employee: What do you mean "miss"?

 

Mr. Lurch: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

 

BW employee : We're closin' for lunch.

 

Mr. Lurch: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this MMO server what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

 

BW employee: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hexdroid EU...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

 

Mr. Lurch: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

 

BW employee: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

 

Mr.Lurch: Look, matey, I know a dead server when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

 

BW employee: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable server, the Hexdroid EU, isn'it, ay? Beautiful graphics!

 

Mr. Lurch: The graphics don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

 

BW employee: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

 

Mr. Lurch: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the monitor) 'Ello, Mister SWTOR server! I've got a lovely fresh bit of subscription for you if you

show...

 

(BW employee photoshops 'Full' onto server status)

 

BW employee: There, he's full!

 

Mr. Lurch: No, he is't, that was you using photoshop!

 

BW employee: I never!!

 

Mr. Lurch: Yes, you did!

 

BW employee: I never, never did anything...

 

Mr. Lurch: (yelling and hitting the monitor repeatedly) 'ELLO SERVER!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

 

(Picks mouse up and thumps it hard against the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

 

Mr. Lurch: Now that's what I call a dead server

 

BW employee: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

 

Mr. Lurch: STUNNED?!?

 

BW employee: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Hexdroid EU's stun easily, major.

 

Mr. Lurch: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That server is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour

ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged marketing campaign.

 

BW employee: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the PR spin.

 

Mr. Lurch: PININ' for the PR SPIN?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment the initial 30 days finished?

 

BW employee: The Hexdroid EU prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable server, is'nit, squire? Lovely graphics!

Mr. Lurch: Look, I took the liberty of examining that server when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on above 'Light' in the

first place was all the PR spin

 

(pause)

 

BW employee: Well, o'course it was PR spin! If I hadn't done all that PR spin, our customer base would have nuzzled up to our competitors, given them their money instead and the sub numbers would not have gone

VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

 

Mr. Lurch:"VOOM"?!? Mate, these subscriber numbers wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

 

BW employee: No no! 'E's pining for PR spin!

 

Mr. Lurch: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This server is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e

rests in peace! If you hadn't done all the PR spin 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the

bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the internet and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-SERVER!!

 

(pause)

 

BW employee: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,

we're right out of server merges.

 

Mr. Lurch: I see. I see, I get the picture.

 

BW employee: I got a Super server

 

(pause)

 

Mr. Lurch: Pray, does it work?

 

BW employee: Nnnnot really we havent made or tested it yet

 

Mr. Lurch: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

 

BW employee: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

 

Mr. Lurch: Well.

 

(pause)

 

BW employee: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place and play WOW instead?

 

Mr. Lurch: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

 

 

I just did this for giggles no offence intended to anyone, dosen't require responses just hope it made some people maybe even the moderators laugh.

Alot of work for a thread thats going to get locked and deleted before I finish typing this reply.

Hilarity.

Alot of work for a thread thats going to get locked and deleted before I finish typing this reply.

 

oh ye of little faith, even moderators can have a sense of humour

oh ye of little faith, even moderators can have a sense of humour

 

I think your on the wrong forums, This is the Swtor Forums - Land of closing threads happy devs and Bioware trolls

Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)

I am hearing all the lines of the OP in the voices of John Cleese and Michael Palin. Therefore, it is hilarious.

I am hearing all the lines of the OP in the voices of John Cleese and Michael Palin. Therefore, it is hilarious.

 

Yeah same this is brilliant!

Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)

 

you would just have to film them day to day for the twit olympics.

Seriously you should have gone with the Developers in the Twit olympics, it was Ok but the dead parriot sketch has been beaten to death (pun intended)

 

Or better yet, the Devs in the Art of Not Being Seen sketch

OP, you made my day

Or better yet, the Devs in the Art of Not Being Seen sketch

 

Haha Bioware CSR's perform Montyy Pythons art of camouflage sketch.. Now that would be a bloody funny youtube

Brilliant

Thank you OP. This is solid gold.

 

You could also try the, "How to Defend Your Game From Fresh Content" sketch

Thank you OP. This is solid gold.

 

You could also try the, "How to Defend Your Game From Fresh Content" sketch

 

Haha, well I was actually thinking of having a crack at using 'The Argument' sketch to create a parody of the forum next time I have another slow day and too much time on my hands

[quote name='Mannic']I am hearing all the lines of the OP in the voices of John Cleese and Michael Palin. Therefore, it is hilarious.[/QUOTE] [SIZE="2"][COLOR="Magenta"]Phew! So it's not just me then? I too am hearing their voices as I read the OP's hilarious spoof. Brilliant, mate! :D[/COLOR][/SIZE]

ME:

Good Morning.

Bioware:

Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Emporium of Star Wars MMO!.

Me:

Ah, thank you my good man.

BW:

What can I do for you, sir?

Me:

Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmond Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herries by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish for Star Wars.

BW:

Peckish, sir?

Me:

Esurient.

BW:

Eh?

Me:

(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Eee I were all hungry fer yer game, like.

BW:

Ah, hungry.

Me:

In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little massive multiplayer online extra galactic joy will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some outerspace fun.

BW:

Come again?

Me:

I want to buy SWTOR.

BW:

Oh, I thought you were complaining about the excessive Voice Acting.

Me:

Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of theatric muse.

BW:

Sorry?

Me:

(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Ooo, I like a nice voice - you're forced to.

BW:

So he can go on talking, can he?

Me:

Most certainly. Now then, some MMO, my good man.

BW:

Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Me:

Well, eh, how about a MMO with LFG tool?

BW:

I'm afraid we're fresh out that, sir.

Me:

Oh never mind, how are you on customer service?

BW:

I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. Nor through the rest of the week for that matter.

 

 

Stop that! It is far too silly!

 

 

Actually I'm no scriptwriter, so it would be nice if perhaps you were to continue adding cheese requests.

Edited May 31, 2012 by Socialist

+1 lol

ME:

snippity snip

 

Stop that! It is far too silly!

 

 

Actually I'm no scriptwriter, so it would be nice if perhaps you were to continue adding cheese requests.

 

The art of rehashing classic comedy is not to tinker with the original script more than is necessary to fit it into the subject your using it to spoof . You are braver than me, I would not even attempt to rewrite a classic script I just butcher the original a little bit:)

HAHAHHAHHAHA

 

epic +1mil internetz for OP.

Haha Bioware CSR's perform Montyy Pythons art of camouflage sketch.. Now that would be a bloody funny youtube

 

Yep And we could even throw in random cutaways during it to a portrait of your forum avatar with a cheesy voiceover saying "the Lurch <dramatic pause> the Lurch" (parody of The Larch bit for those not fully conversant with Monty Python)

Edited May 31, 2012 by LrdRahvin

You Brits should learn how to speak proper, respectable English.

 

Yep And we could even throw in random cutaways during it to a portrait of your forum avatar with a cheesy voiceover saying "the Lurch <dramatic pause> the Lurch" (parody of The Larch bit for those not fully conversant with Monty Python)

 

haha yes brilliant, it would require someone with far greater skills at creating video content than I possees though:(

Well played, OP

That's great! Now someone needs to do the "Four MMOmen."

 

MMOman #1: "Our server was shut down an' we had to go merge onto an i5 desktop!"

 

MMOman #2: "You were lucky to have an i5 Desktop! There were 300 of us trying to run raids on an AMD dual core Laptop!"

 

MMOman #3: "An AMD dual core laptop?"

 

MMOman #2: "Aye."

 

MMOman #3: "You were lucky. We all played on a old rusty server stored in a drippy basement running a Pentium III. We had to log in to the server queue, go to work, and then when we got home, wait three more hours in the queue and then we got in to our game."

 

MMOman #1: "Luxury. We had to wait in the queue 25 hours a day, call Customer Support to tell them how great they were, and pay for the electricity the server used!"

 

.....