I liked Quinn better dead. But I guess coming from me that goes without saying

 

also, I love your Pierce+Kaliyo matchup.

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 15: In which two veterans catch up

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

And I am totally finding him more amusing than live Quinn, even if live Quinn makes Nalenne happy

Maybe I'll just kill the weasel again

 

 

Andronikos stopped by the cargo bay. Broonmark stood alone at the workbench, processing the day’s haul of biochemical samples.

 

“So Hoth,” Andronikos said after a while. “I worked there, back in the day. Saw a lot of Talz units come and go under their deal with the Republic.”

 

“This is so,” said Broonmark.

 

“Never thought I’d hear the language again once I left. Interesting times, Hoth. White Maw, all that. Fun crew.”

 

“White Maw are vultures and honorless thieves. Their blood was sweet.”

 

“Vultures, honorless thieves, and a very fun crew. I know one White Maw sub-gang that never lost to the likes of you,” added Andronikos, “and that’s the one I ran with, about ten years back. Were you in the neighborhood of Dorn Base then?”

 

“The Little Maw you speak of stole many of our kills.”

 

The pirate chuckled maliciously. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we did.”

 

Broonmark set down his tools and swiveled to face Andronikos. “Now clan spitfire seeks trouble again.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

Broonmark inclined his head. “We will oblige.”

 

Several minutes later, the sustained furious blaster fire and clattering from the cargo hold dragged Nalenne out of her comic book. She came to the door to see Broonmark grappling furiously with Andronikos in the midst of a small explosion of toppled and broken storage boxes. At the moment Broonmark was gripping both of Andronikos’ arms and forcing the pirate slowly to the ground.

 

“Andronikos!” cried Nalenne.

 

“I’m fine,” he grunted, “no worries,” and slipped one hand free to grab the blaster from his other, pinned hand and fire on Broonmark’s torso. “I got this.”

 

The Talz twisted and slapped at Andronikos’ hand, sending the pirate’s shot astray.

 

“You don’t ‘got’ killing my Talz!” said Nalenne.

 

“Lightning clan spitfire cannot threaten us,” clucked Broonmark, slamming Andronikos’ legs out from under him and putting a huge hand to the pirate’s face to force his head back to the ground.

 

“Don’t kill him, Broonmark.”

 

“What’s with the referee?” growled Andronikos, placing a precise kick to a nerve in Broonmark’s leg and slithering away to draw a vibroknife and recover a blaster. He flicked the knife to keening life and started circling while Broonmark twisted and shifted, trying to keep his defenses up while he recovered his footing.

 

“I have very strict rules about killing my crew,” said Nalenne.

 

“Oh, yeah, Nalenne, you’re famous for that.” Andronikos let off a flurry of blaster bolts. Only two of them hit the charging Talz before Broonmark slammed Andronikos off his feet again.

 

“Sith clan not to worry,” panted Broonmark, grappling in an effort to bring his superior strength to bear against the lithe Andronikos. “Lightning clan spitfire will fall soon enough.”

 

“You two…just…okay. Have fun. Winner cleans up the blood.”

 

Andronikos spared her a disgusted look. “That’s just basic manners. What kinda houseguest you think I am, anyway?”

 

“Dead houseguest,” said Broonmark.

 

Some time later Andronikos staggered through the holo room on the way to the medbay. Once he had a medpac out he limped over to the reading nook and plunked down on the leather couch opposite Nalenne.

 

“He’ll live,” said the pirate. “Because I like you.”

 

“You all right?” said Nalenne.

 

“Oh, yeah. Good workout.”

 

“Yeah, he’s learned a lot since the last time I personally had to beat him up. I’m proud of him.”

 

“You should be.” Andronikos sealed the last major leg wound and tugged his shirt collar open to get to the next worst of his injuries. “I’ll take care of the mess once I’m done patching up.”

 

“Nah, don’t sweat it. I’ll have 2V clean up.”

 

“Nice. Thanks.”

 

“What was that all about, anyway?”

 

“Eh, I was bored. Talz are jerks. He was up for it.”

 

“Fair enough. It’s good to see you boys having fun.”

Edited July 17, 2012 by bright_ephemera

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 16: In which Quinn is nice, for Quinn

 

Healthy relationships: We sure don't have them!

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

Nalenne hadn’t taken her mandoviol out for practice since Quinn had moved back into her quarters. The last thing she wanted was Captain Practical condemning her again for enjoying frivolous things.

 

She touched the strings and waited to let them tune themselves, then started in on her favorite Sith folk song, about the increasingly violent retribution of a Sith who encountered a mouthy villager. As more villagers complained about the previous verse’s murders, the Sith killed and burned more and more of the village, and eventually just extinguished all life on the planet.

 

Villagers were, in Sith folklore, pretty dumb.

 

When the door to her quarters opened she was too slow in hiding the instrument behind her. Quinn stepped in and gave her a funny look.

 

“You were playing?”

 

“No. Yes. Um, no.” She tucked it the rest of the way behind her back.

 

“There’s no need to hide it. Unless there is some compellingly good one that even I can’t guess.”

 

“I just didn’t want you yelling at me for it. You do that with the fun not-killing-our-enemies things I try to do.”

 

He settled next to her on the edge of the bed. “I won’t.”

 

“You won’t?”

 

“Well, it’s infinitely more productive than reading comic books.”

 

“Ah, thank you. I was afraid you were about to be supportive about one of my hobbies or something.”

 

He leaned over and kissed her. “I am given to understand that some people perform their work better when given time to devote to leisure activities. I’ll never understand it myself, but it plainly works in your case.”

 

“Why are you being so…oh, wait. This is about that space op out by Sullust, isn’t it.”

 

“My lord?” said Quinn innocently.

 

“That fleet action you wanted to hook up with three days from now, with us probably having to pull a boarding action on that wacky shielded whatsit of theirs? The one where I pointed out that I hate space combat, I hate being bundled into boarding pods, and I would rather not be stuck on another enemy ship that you’re ordering full-rate cannonades on? (*) You’re being nice to me so I’ll reconsider that enormous NO I gave you.”

 

He smiled slightly. “If you keep this up I may have to actually try to be subtle with you. I do love it when you work these things out. It reminds me why I married you in the first place.”

 

“…So you’ll have somebody around at all times to feel smarter than?”

 

His smile slipped. “I’ll definitely have to start trying to be subtle with you. Ah, getting back to the fleet action, is my previous niceness going to change your mind? It is an extremely difficult target of profound importance, my lord. And it would mean a great deal to me.”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe my will has weakened slightly, but you’re still going to have to convince me.” She edged closer and raked her fingers through his hair.

 

Quinn frowned. “That line of argument has been tried, and has failed to convince you, multiple times this week.”

 

“So? It can’t hurt to try again.”

 

“I have numerous bite marks that say otherwise.”

 

“Hey. You want your bad*** Wrath rampage for your big tough battle or not?” She grabbed his uniform jacket.

 

“Stop.” His tone of voice arrested her before she could pull him down to the bed. He reached over, pulled the mandoviol from where she had been about to crush it, and set it carefully back in its case on the floor. “There.”

 

“…thank you. You really do care.”

 

“I told you. Far preferable to comic books.”

 

“Oh, very nice. That attitude will convince me to do something incredibly un-fun for your sake.”

 

“You’re going to withhold approval on that operation just so you can enjoy another three days of making me do whatever and act however you want in a doomed attempt to change your mind. Aren’t you, my lord.”

 

“I love it when you work these things out. It reminds me why I married you in the first place.”

Yaaay you started posting again!

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 17: In which an old friend makes trouble for the team (I/II)

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

A Republic mining facility on Ilum. It had been rebuilt and reinforced after each of Pierce’s last two visits to the neighborhood. Nalenne’s crew had split up to sabotage multiple objectives before meeting up at a central control room to start blowing the works.

 

Andronikos, Vette, and Pierce met Broonmark and Quinn on the way back from their respective targets. Together they approached the heavy durasteel door to the big controls room.

 

The team stopped dead when they heard the shrill feminine shriek from inside the chamber.

 

A second female voice added a long “Aaah” a moment later.

 

There was some thumping around, and a long dual moan.

 

Vette snickered. “I knew it,” she stage-whispered.

 

“Of all the places to go at it,” said Pierce, frowning suspiciously.

 

“I’m sure there’s an explanation,” said Quinn, but Vette and Pierce grabbed his arms before he could reach the door.

 

There was a long, rising, heavily punctuated feminine yell, a few grunts…and then bright masculine laughter.

 

“What the hell?” said Vette.

 

“Wow,” said Pierce, grinning down at Quinn. “She invited a guy who isn’t you.”

 

“I wouldn’t have accepted with Jaesa in the mix anyway.”

 

“I would,” said Andronikos. “Nis never allowed two girls.”

 

A pair of very loud crashes.

 

“One way or the other, I’m joining in.” Andronikos readied his blasters, slammed the door open, and charged.

 

A tall cyborg stood in the center of the control room, reaching out, laughing as he suspended Jaesa in the air in a brutal Force choke. Before Andronikos could get two shots off, Nalenne slammed into the cyborg from behind, knocking him off balance and very nearly severing his hand with her saber.

 

An arc of Force lightning from the corner briefly stunned both melee fighters.

 

“Andronikos?” said Niselle from the corner, letting her hand fall.

 

“Uh, Nalenne?” said Andronikos.

 

“Jaesa,” said Nalenne, hurrying to make sure the collapsed Jedi was okay.

 

“Lord Draahg,” said Pierce, strolling in with his rifle at the ready.

 

“Yes,” sneered the cyborg. “I – “

 

Pierce’s first shot hit him square in his metallic jaw.

 

“Good show,” said Nalenne. “You boys, nail my sister. Jaesa, Vette, with me on the big guy.”

 

Draahg fought hard with lightsaber and a respectable level of Force power. Not as good as Nalenne, but respectable. Niselle did her usual lightning-shielding nonsense. But the two were badly outnumbered. It wasn’t long before Nalenne forced the cyborg who called himself Draahg to his knees.

 

“Hold,” called Nalenne.

 

Pierce turned to train his rifle on Draahg. “Permission to melt his face, milord?”

 

“Denied. I want to chat first.”

 

Draahg smirked. “I knew you couldn’t resis-“

 

Nalenne whipped him hard with the pommel of her saber. “I chat. You listen.”

 

“I was going to gloat.”

 

“You don’t get to.”

 

“Got ‘er down,” yelled Andronikos from his side of the room.

 

“Only because I won’t lower myself to kill you,” yelled Niselle as she glared up at Andronikos.

 

“Nis. Sweetie. You drop in out of nowhere with this bucket of bolts and start zapping. Explain.” Nalenne pointed at Lord Draahg.

 

“I picked him up on Dromund Kaas. Isn’t he pretty?”

 

“He was prettier when he had all his body parts. Is this really Lord Draahg?”

 

“Yes,” said Lord Draahg. “You see, after you – “

 

“Shut up,” said Nalenne, and hit him. “I worked with him once, sure. Killed him once. Killed him again after he got all cyborg-ified.”

 

“And yet you let him go. Your loss, my fun.”

 

“You are not using that tone of voice, Nis.”

 

“Oh, I really am.”

 

“But…but after…how did you even…he didn’t have any organic parts left after my last fight with him!”

 

“Not necessary. Ever considered the possibilities of a built-in vibrate setting?”

 

“No!”

 

Quinn spoke into the awkward silence. “My lord. You didn’t kill him?”

 

“I did! Twice! You were there for one of them!”

 

“I was unconscious at the time. I didn’t see him die, as such.”

 

“I tore him to pieces the second time. And threw every piece into a fire!” Nalenne glared down at Draahg.

 

“Is that my cue to gloat?” said Draahg.

 

“No,” said Nalenne.

 

“It would seem that was insufficient,” said Quinn. “Have you ever successfully destroyed a major threat to your life?”

 

Pierce answered. “Since you weren’t a major threat, and Baras, Nomen Karr, and a few dozen other actually significant players were, I would say yes, she has. I saw Draahg die both times. Maybe I shoulda taken the headshot that first time, but in any case, I can safely state that she did all right.”

 

“Are you going to give me time to gloat here?” said Draahg.

 

“No,” said Pierce, Quinn, and Nalenne.

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 18: In which the Wrath deliberates killing an old friend (II/II)

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

“So you actually got yourself reconstituted after that mess on Corellia. That’s impressive. But I’m not going to invite you to babble about it,” said Nalenne.

 

Draahg scowled, his cyborg eyes going a dark shade of red.

 

“And you hooked up with this loser?” Nalenne asked Niselle.

 

Niselle smiled. “Two out of the three Sith Lords who have attacked you and survived are currently in this room, dear. And that Scourge fellow is hopelessly unattractive anyway. So it seemed reasonable for us two here to hook up.”

 

“So you can fail together? That’s sweet.”

 

“So will you try to kill him?” purred Niselle. “Think it’ll work this time?”

 

“I should take him up to the ship and throw him into the hyperdrive, is what I should do.”

 

Andronikos winced. “That’s bad for the engines.”

 

“If it’s bad for Draahg, too, I’ll take it.”

 

Draahg laughed. “I cannot be kill-“

 

“Shut up.” Nalenne hit him.

 

“That was a prime opportunity to gloat, Wrath,” he muttered. “Give me the chance.”

 

“No,” said Pierce, Quinn, Nalenne, and Niselle.

 

“Let him go,” said Niselle. “He’s the best toy I’ve had since And – well, since well before Andronikos.”

 

“Ooh, yeah, the jealousy play works every time, Nis,” yawned Andronikos. “You want me back, just say so. I’ll say no, but if you’re going to ask, ask.”

 

“Please,” sniffed Niselle. “I’ve got a combat-effective pet now.”

 

“Um. He just lost in combat. That’s why he’s on his knees with three blasters and two lightsabers trained on him?”

 

“Oh, do shut up, Nicky.”

 

Nalenne scowled down at Draahg. “Until I work out a way to reduce you to your constituent atoms, I’m not inclined to keep you around listening to you try to act smug. Leave, then. Jaesa, remind me to look up the guy who fixed him up, torture him ‘til I have full technical information on the cybernetics. Nis – a vibrate setting? Really?”

 

She hit Draahg before he could open his mouth.

 

“Oh yes,” said Niselle.

 

“If I let him go, will you promise never to tell me any such detail again?”

 

“No promises. But I’ll consider it.”

 

Nalenne cautiously allowed Draahg to stand up again. He loomed over her, big and powerful and socially clueless as the day they’d met.

 

Draahg jerked his head toward Quinn. “It’s a shame you were too wrapped up in that one to give me a cha-“

 

“Run, or I will find a way to vaporize you here and now.”

 

He ran.

 

Quinn spared him only a moment’s look before staring at Nalenne. “And once again you fail to kill a would-be assassin.”

 

“Shut up, Quinn. Nis, do you have any other tricks, or will you come out, alongside us so you can’t scamper on ahead and collapse the mine?”

 

“You are no sport at all,” said Niselle.

 

“Sorry, hon, I’ve done Draahg before. I know his tricks.”

 

“Fine. Come along.”

 

“And now we’re going to let her walk free as well,” said Quinn.

 

“So?” said Nalenne.

 

“I tire of your games, my lord.”

 

“He’s just jealous somebody else got off the fatal hook,” said Vette.

 

“I shall await you at the ship until you’re ready to actually accomplish something,” said Quinn coldly, and set off at speed.

 

“Wow,” said Andronikos as the party got moving at a slower pace. “He loves his entrances, but I never thought I’d see him making a dramatic exit.”

 

“He had a really memorable one once,” said Nalenne. “Kicking, choking, bleeding in places, the whole nine yards.”

 

Andronikos chuckled. “Wish I coulda been there to see it.”

 

“Don’t we all,” said Vette.

 

“I think he’s really upset, master,” said Jaesa.

 

“Let him be. So somebody else pulled a return-from-the-dead after losing to me. And the somebody else happens to be taller, stronger, handsomer, richer, way better in combat, and Sith, to boot. And that voice!”

 

“He’s also mostly made of metal and kind of a moron,” said Vette.

 

Nalenne waved a hand. “Details. Quinn never seems to see that. Instead he gets all sensitive. I think he’s still sore over how Draahg and I met. He always said it was fine, but…he does get jealous.”

 

“You did jealousy-worthy things when you met Draahg?” said Andronikos.

 

“Ohhh, yes. All over the Citadel.”

 

Vette rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

 

“Overwhelming force plus strategic victory. See, this was the first time I was asked to bump off a member of the Dark Council,” started Nalenne.

 

“Showoff,” muttered Niselle.

 

“Back when Draahg had an actual organic body and relevance and other things you never got your paws on, Nis, let me tell you…”

Edited July 20, 2012 by bright_ephemera

CHRONICLES PAST, 2: In which Nalenne saves the world

 

Cross-posted from the Short Fic Weekly Challenge.

 

Time period: Early to middling period of Quinn being dead

 

 

Pierce caught up with Nalenne in the marketplace of the village the crew was passing through. “Milord. Word on the street is there’s a big lab outside town. Mad scientist stuff. Could have some interesting items.”

 

“Science is boring,” said Nalenne.

 

“The other word on the street is that it’s overrun with zombies in need of being killed. Again.”

 

“Now you’ve got my attention,” said the Sith.

 

Pierce led the crew to the lab, a huge grey building surrounded by dozens of uncommonly angry zombies. The resulting killing spree led them, slowly but thrillingly, into the lab itself, and down a staircase into a large subterranean room.

 

Just inside was some kind of apparatus involving a prodigious number of pipes, levers, glowing jars, and ominous-looking gauges. Nalenne and the crew sailed right past, laying waste to the zombie horde. Nalenne finished off the last zombie and looked around for more. But there was only one unfamiliar humanoid left upright: an old man cowering behind a barrel in the far corner.

 

“Oh, thank you,” said the old man. “I wasn’t sure how I was going to reach the flamethrowers to clear this place out.”

 

Pierce and Broonmark exchanged hopeful looks. “You’ll have to show us these flamethrowers before we go,” said Pierce.

 

“I was just going to test the zombie plague a little bit to be sure it worked before I shelved it with the other superweapons,” said the old man. “I’m Doctor Nasan Godera. Thanks again for saving my life.”

 

“Anybody who develops superweapons is a friend of mine,” said Nalenne. “Darth Nalenne, Emperor’s Wrath. Nice little operation you’ve got here.”

 

Before Godera could answer, a booming voice sounded from the entryway. Everyone turned to see a large man in a cape, flanked by small hunchbacked minions.

 

“Godera,” said the stranger. “I’ve found you at last. And,” he looked at the big apparatus, “the project you left clues about on a dozen worlds.”

 

“Ooh, a scavenger hunt?” said Jaesa. “That sounds like fun.”

 

“It all led me here,” smirked the stranger. “To the DREAM.”

 

“The what?” said Vette.

 

“The Delirium Reverie-Eating Annihilation Machine,” explained Doctor Godera. “It induces hallucinations in everyone within a ten-kilometer radius, feeds on the resulting wild emotion-induced Force fluctuations, and then blows up the planet.”

 

“Wow. Stylish,” said Nalenne.

 

“But that’s terrible!” protested Jaesa. “Godera, you’re a monster!”

 

Godera looked uneasy. “I didn’t think anybody was going to use it.”

 

“Minions!” said the stranger. “Initiate the DREAM sequence!” He cackled wildly. His minions got to work on the levers and buttons of the apparatus.

 

“Did you listen to the part where that’s going to kill us all?” said Vette.

 

“I’m fine with that. It’s a long story,” said the stranger. “I’m mostly just spiting Doctor Godera.”

 

“An admirable motivation,” said Nalenne.

 

“Except for the part where it’s going to kill us all,” reminded Vette.

 

The machine was purring and whining, a thousand small lights flaring to life. Quinn was looking around, evaluating escape routes. “Doctor. How long do we have before it takes effect?”

 

“Um,” said Doctor Godera.

 

“Whoa,” said Pierce. “Pretty colors.” He dropped cross-legged on the floor and fixed his eyes on nothing.

 

“Bbborblogggg!” squealed Broonmark. He started clawing at his own fur, scratching and shaking in an effort to get an invisible something off of him.

 

Jaesa started conversing quietly with nobody. She seemed upset about it.

 

Vette, looking suddenly cheerful, started hopping in place.

 

Nalenne looked to where Quinn had been standing. A large winged nekghoul grinned toothily at her. She felt a warm rush of hatred.

 

“My lord,” said Quinn, “Being dead and incorporeal, I appear to be immune to the delirium, but I cannot deactivate the machine. I need you to work with me.”

 

“Silence, beast!” She drew her lightsaber, flourished it, and attacked.

 

“My lord! Are you listening?”

 

Nalenne, not comprehending in the slightest, kept up her attack. Her lightsaber passed harmlessly through him.

 

“This planet and everyone on it will be obliterated if you don’t listen to me for once in your life, my lord.”

 

“Hey, Nalenne? I think you should listen to him,” said Vette.

 

“Wait,” said Quinn. “You can understand me?”

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, you look like a big kitten, but otherwise you make total sense.”

 

“You must help me. We need to deactivate the machine. I can talk you through what’s likely to work, I just need your hands.”

 

Vette giggled happily. “I don’t have hands, silly.” She waved her hands. “See?”

 

Pierce, smiling dreamily, pointed at invisible things floating in the air.

 

“Die already!” yelled Nalenne. She shoved Vette out of the way and commenced another vicious offensive against Quinn. He looked put upon.

 

Broonmark rolled around on the floor, swatting wildly. “BBBRRRRRRBZZZ.”

 

A while later Nalenne stilled her lightsaber and glared at the big nekghoul she was seeing. “You just don’t die, do you? You kind of remind me of my ex-husband.” Then, snarling, she redoubled her efforts. “I will end you.”

 

“I thought we were on better terms than that by now,” said a concerned Quinn.

 

“So…pretty…” said Pierce happily, and commenced some kind of one-person clapping game.

 

Jaesa was in tears, still arguing with nothing.

 

“I really can’t reason with you, can I,” said Quinn.

 

“I’ll kill you, monster!”

 

“Right,” said Quinn resignedly. “I am a scary monster and I need killing. Rawr.” He led Nalenne across the room and stepped into the great plexisteel heart of the machine.

 

“Don’t taunt me! You won’t get away so easy!” Nalenne gave chase, carving into the machine with singleminded fury. “I hate you! I hate you!”

 

Vette giggled. “Just like old times, huh, captain?”

 

“Oh, shut up,” said Quinn.

 

Some critical power conduit in the machinery finally blew. Quinn moved slowly, continuing to lead Nalenne’s frenzied offensive through the guts of the machine. There was a burst of light, a shower of sparks, a long sad powering-down sound, and then everyone blinked and looked around.

 

Jaesa sniffled and wiped her eyes. Vette stopped distractedly waving her lekku. Broonmark sat up and grumbled. Pierce stood up and looked unaccountably guilty. Nalenne hopefully jabbed at Quinn, but her lightsaber still had no effect on him.

 

“A kitten?” said Quinn, frowning at Vette.

 

“Hm. Let’s never speak of this again,” said Nalenne.

 

“Oh, I’m speaking of it,” said Vette. “The look on Quinn’s face the whole time was beautiful.”

 

Quinn scowled. “Listen to your master.”

 

“Or you’ll, what? Rawr me to death?”

 

Nalenne blinked. “He said ‘rawr’?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Okay, you can speak of that part again. Otherwise let’s all just forget this.”

 

“Master, we need to bring Godera to justice before he can unleash another superweapon,” said Jaesa.

 

“That’s no fun,” said Nalenne, but she looked around. Both Godera and his mysterious enemy were gone.

 

Broonmark’s four eyes winked a pattern equivalent to a frown. “Rrrrrglorble.”

 

“Can we go?” said Quinn.

 

“We loot the flamethrowers first,” said Pierce. “He definitely said something about flamethrowers.”

Hahaha. Ghost-Quinn looking like a kitten was classic. I actually managed to picture a kitten with the default Quinn hair with the brush over. HI-LARIOUS.

Hahaha. Ghost-Quinn looking like a kitten was classic. I actually managed to picture a kitten with the default Quinn hair with the brush over. HI-LARIOUS.

 

Oh god.. if only my drawing skills weren't crap.. I'd doodle that! Actually.. maybe I will...

Edited July 25, 2012 by Kalterien

Lol! I love your pieces!

And Quinn saying 'rawr' was hilarious

You're the best!

Keep writing! keep writing!

I really thought I had posted this already.

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 19: In which the Hand calls

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

When the holocall came up, Nalenne set aside her Duranium Man reading and fired up the main holoprojector.

 

Servants One and Two rippled into view. The two cultists stared grimly at Nalenne.

 

Nalenne stared grimly at the two cultists.

 

“The Wrath is…doing well, we hope?” Servant Two intoned awkwardly.

 

“Was doin’ great until about ten seconds ago. What news from the latest ex-employer to try to shaft me?” (*)

 

“The Emperor requires your services,” said Servant One.

 

“Told you not to call me back ‘til you’ve found a fight worthy of me. Name it, quick.”

 

“The Hero of Tython is on the move again,” said Servant One.

 

“The Wrath had better have improved her game since last time,” quavered Servant Two.

 

“So you want me to off him? Time and place, I’ll be there.”

 

“Figuring out the time and place is your problem,” said Servant One. “Unless you’ve gotten to be terrible at that, too.”

 

“I’m the same lean, mean, hunting-killing machine I’ve always been!”

 

Servant One ran an eloquent look down around her hips and back. “I can agree on ‘mean,’” he said.

 

“I’ve had just about enough of you two,” said Nalenne.

 

“The Emperor commands-“

 

Andronikos stepped forward and kicked the holo controls off.

 

Nalenne clapped her hands to her mouth to get over the original urge to squeal. “That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life,” she squeaked after a moment.

 

“My lord,” said Quinn, looking outraged.

 

“Ha!” said Pierce, looking delighted.

 

“Should try it yourself next time they give you grief,” Andronikos told Nalenne.

 

“But they’re supposed to…you know. They call, give me orders, I complain, I do it. It’s the natural order of things.”

 

“A lot of the natural order of things could do with a solid kick.”

 

“It’s outright treason against the Hand and is exactly the kind of thing you know better than to indulge in, my lord,” said Quinn.

 

“It was awesome,” said Vette.

 

“Given that those Servants are the closest things to personifications of pure evil I’ve seen, I have to agree with Vette,” said Jaesa.

 

“Let’s not make it a big deal, huh?” said Andronikos. “We got plans today?”

 

“Duranium Man back issues,” said Nalenne. “I’ve been too busy to keep up lately.”

 

“You hung up on the Emperor’s Hand for comic books?” demanded Quinn.

 

“No. Andronikos hung up on them for dramatic and comic effect. I’m just taking advantage.”

 

Andronikos coughed. “Right, then. Can I take the helm, bring us out to a certain interesting-weaponry bazaar that’s on a little ways coreward from here?”

 

“Yeah, can he?” said Pierce hopefully.

 

“Go for it. Quinn, go see about getting some bio-mad-science supplies for Broonmark wherever we land. Girls…you want to just camp out in the holo room tonight, watch some vid or other, braid each other’s lekku? I have a strong suspicion I won’t be welcome in my own bed.”

 

“Why?” said Andronikos. “I’m the one who flipped the switch.”

 

“Yeah,” said Nalenne, “but I’m the one who really, really enjoyed it.”

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 20: In which Nalenne learns something surprising

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

“So. Hero of Tython.” Nalenne slouched further into the couch.

 

“Yeah,” said Vette. “So far the captain’s turned up no leads from his super-special intelligence whatever he’s got access to.”

 

“You get anything through your friends?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Why does the Hand care, anyway? So he saved Tython or something. And wrecked my Comic Con experience. (*) Big deal.”

 

“Uh,” said Vette.

 

“What?”

 

“You didn’t hear about that?”

 

“Um, no.”

 

“It was Rho who actually snuck into the Dark Temple on Dromund Kaas and took out the Voice of the Emperor. That’s why he wasn’t giving you orders for a few months.”

 

“Why does no one tell me these things!?”

 

“I thought it was common knowledge. Besides, you kill most people who might have interesting news before they can start talking. You brought this on yourself.”

 

“So they want me to take out a guy who beat up the Emperor’s Voice.”

 

“You beat up the Emperor’s Voice, too. In time to get back to the Voss-Ka cantina for lunch.”

 

“He wasn’t resisting at the time.”

 

“Pep talk, Nalenne. Stop ruining it.”

 

“How about we ignore this job for now. Ugh. I can’t believe nobody told me he killed the Emperor.”

 

Pierce paused on his way through the room. “You didn’t hear about that?”

 

"Stop rubbing it in, Lieutenant."

 

"Any other news we need to catch you up on?"

 

"How would I know?"

 

Vette giggled.

 

"I hate you guys."

Edited August 6, 2012 by bright_ephemera

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 21: In which Nalenne and Andronikos discuss life

 

Time period: After Andronikos Revel comes aboard the Helicarrier

 

 

Nalenne was carving through a crowd of panicked rabble, and it was a good day.

 

“My lord,” yelled Quinn behind her, “I have secured the sequencer here. We need to get around to the north side.”

 

“Busy,” said Nalenne. She could disengage from these poor gangsters at any time, but it was much more fun to keep killing.

 

“My lord. We are on a limited timeframe and you’re free to disengage right now.”

 

“Busy,” said Nalenne. “Buzz off.”

 

Quinn darted to a control panel on the wall and pressed some rapid code sequence. Huge blast doors slammed down to block Nalenne’s rampage, cutting her off from the bulk of her enemies.

 

She rounded on Quinn. “What the hell is that? I’m not done here!”

 

“Yes, you are. We need to proceed to the north face to finish the fine work there.”

 

“The busywork, you mean. No. Screw it. I’ve done enough of your heavy lifting on this stupid op.” She deactivated her saber and stormed out the nearest door.

 

She didn’t really have a plan after that. “Stomping dramatically away from Quinn” seemed adequate for the time being. She walked until she could hear herself think, then found a relatively clean ledge in a brick-wall alley to settle on so she could sulk in privacy for a bit.

 

There wasn’t even anything to kill nearby.

 

A scuffing sound from the street grabbed her attention some time later. She watched, maintaining her sulky face, as Andronikos came around the corner. He nodded at her and leaned against the alley’s opposite wall.

 

“I wouldn’t intrude,” he said, “but I don’t think you’re accustomed to stomping off like that. The anger part here gets lonely if you’re not used to it.”

 

Then he looked out at the street for a while.

 

In time he pulled out a flask. “Thirsty?”

 

“Nah. I was gonna get that all done in one semi-suicidal binge in a little bit.”

 

“Okay.”

 

A little while later she spoke up. “I’m not being unreasonable, wanting a few seconds’ freedom a day, am I?”

 

“You’re Sith. Wanting is kind of your thing. Wanting, and taking.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right, it is.” She waited. “So you finally have me alone. You gonna kill me now? Nis would be thrilled.”

 

He smiled. “Nah. I try when Nis asks me to, but I’ve got nothing against you. And, frankly, watching you walk out on your control-freak captain was the best thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

 

“I don’t usually run away. I usually just kill people until all the survivors agree with me.”

 

“Sometimes it’s best to just go. Clear your head a bit. If the killing’s worthwhile, it’ll still be there when you get back.”

 

“’Just go.’ Think they could get by without me?”

 

“Anybody can get by without anybody. It’s all a question of whether it’s any fun to try. Ever think about it? You know, kick the crew out, take the ship, just…fly. No orders, no running interference between these lousy egomaniacs, no nothin’. Just stars an’ blasters.” He considered. “And a lightsaber,” he added thoughtfully. “Oh, and a well-stocked bar.”

 

“And comic books,” added Nalenne.

 

“And comic books,” agreed Andronikos, “if you’re that big a nerd.”

 

“You don’t complain about Scarlet Nexu, particularly the Insatiable run whose archive you’ve moved to underneath your bed.”

 

“We’re getting away from the question. Ever think about going? With any necessary or desirable supplies?”

 

“It’d be lonely,” she said.

 

“I know you like your people. But it might be good for you to maybe spend two minutes not bending over backwards catering to their every whim.”

 

“I like taking care of them.”

 

“Even him?” He raised one hand. “Wait, before you answer. Recall that this guy is about as sane as my girl, and he can’t even do tricks like killing people by looking at them like mine can. I know love makes you do the stupid. But he treats you like his personal lifting droid. It’s absurd.”

 

“He knows me well enough to know how to make my life hell if I don’t give him what he wants.”

 

“Screw that. Cut him loose. Him and his buddies on the Emperor’s Hand. Skip Jaesa’s lectures and let’s just go. It’d be a change, yeah, but freedom’s enough to keep you going for a long time.”

 

“Is it freedom if I’m doing it because you told me to?”

 

“Better’n waiting for the next schizophrenic round of orders your current babysitters give you.”

 

“They’re not my babysitters.”

 

Andronikos shrugged and stared up at the city skyline. They were quiet for a while.

 

“You going to get back to lecturing me?” asked Nalenne.

 

“Nah. Already did too much. I figure you get enough of that.” He pushed away from the wall. “I know storming out alone isn’t your usual thing, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Just so you know, it was a sight to see.” He chuckled. “You should consider doing more of it, but I leave that up to you.”

 

“Don’t go yet,” she said, standing up. “On the scale of rash and possibly regrettable things, I’m going to have to work my way up to ‘abandoning everybody and running away forever.’”

 

“You got a lesser rash and possibly regrettable idea in mind for the short term?”

 

“I do.” She moved closer. “You in?”

 

“Nalenne, uh. I’ve slept with your sister.”

 

“I am way too upset to care about how creepy that is right now.”

 

“Okay, then. Sure.”

Nalenne is hilarious.

This last one with Andronikos made me super happy. I'm sure it will blow up in Nalenne's face as everything does but super happy. Edited August 6, 2012 by kabeone

Oh noooo, poor Quinn!

He'll be so sad....

But score for Andronikos

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 22: In which Quinn struggles to get results

 

Time period: After Nalenne gets with Andronikos Revel

…and before the crew finds out

 

 

“My lord.”

 

“Captain?”

 

“It has come to my attention that – “

 

“Is this work?”

 

Quinn paused. “…Not necessarily. You could interpret the suggestion I’m about to make as a leisure activity. You see, there is a base on Yavin VI that - ”

 

“Don’t wanna work.”

 

“Pierce, tell the Wrath there’s a good fight brewing on Yavin VI.”

 

“No.”

 

“That’s an order, Lieutenant.”

 

“Belay* that order,” yawned Nalenne.

 

“…how good a scrap?” asked Pierce, looking torn as to whether he wanted to let curiosity overcome the need to frustrate Quinn.

 

“Excellent. Hundreds of Republic soldiers who are currently sitting around looking smug and enjoying access to a galaxy-class explosives stockpile.”

 

“He’s lying,” said Nalenne.

 

“How would you know? I haven’t even finished the briefing.”

 

“Lying is your favorite pastime, Captain,” said Nalenne.

 

“It’s not my favorite.”

 

“Nah, but it’s the one you do the most,” said Pierce. “Since you’re too stupid to do your favorite things all the time.”

 

“I only wanted to offer an opportunity to wreak large-scale destruction,” said Quinn.

 

Nalenne and Pierce looked skeptical.

 

“In a strategically significant way,” he admitted. “That’s not a bad thing!”

 

“Did the Emperor’s Hand ask for this one?” said Nalenne.

 

“No.”

 

“Now he’s lying,” said Pierce.

 

“Yup,” said Nalenne.

 

“I can’t win, can I,” said Quinn. He didn’t bother denying the truth of their claim.

 

The outer door clanked open and Broonmark walked in. “Major mayhem outside the spaceport,” he quorked. “Does Sith clan wish to go win the riot?”

 

Nalenne leaped to her feet. “Let it never be said that I passed up a chance to play the riot game.”

 

“My lord!” protested Quinn.

 

“Convenience factor, darling. It’s right over there. How can I say no? Now come on, I need my medic. You wouldn’t want me to get hurt.”

 

“I’m not joining your riot, my lord. My battle idea was better.”

 

“Hey. Quit it with the miserable face.”

 

“This is my stoic face, my lord.”

 

“Yeah, but you’re being miserable about it. Don’t be. Tell you what, I go out there, knock some heads. And then if I’m still not satisfied I’ll come with you and burn Yavnik Whatever.”

 

“Ah, very well. Enjoy yourself.”

 

“Hey, Andronikos,” Nalenne yelled, “get out here. Bloodshed.” Then at normal volume, to Pierce and Broonmark: “Boys, let’s go.”

 

“You were pretty quick to relax about that,” said Vette skeptically as the violent contingent headed out.

 

“Well, yes,” said Quinn. “She’s going to take the mission, guaranteed. You see, she’s never satisfied.”

 

From outside they heard a muffled “Wheeeeee!”

 

 

 

 

* "Belay" as "stop, cancel" is usually definition #3 or #4 in the dictionaries, but it's in there, I promise. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/belay

Edited August 6, 2012 by bright_ephemera

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 23: In which Pierce confers with Andronikos

 

Time period: After Nalenne gets with Andronikos Revel

…and before most of the crew finds out

 

 

Andronikos lounged against the low outer wall of the Tatooine cantina, looking out over the rocky descent to the desert below. Pierce, after watching him for a few moments, left the shade of the cantina proper and moved to lean on the wall beside him. “You know, you’re even crazier than I thought,” said Pierce.

 

Andronikos took the remnants of some green garnish he had been thoughtfully chewing out of his mouth. “How’s that?”

 

Pierce looked out over the desert. “You. The Wrath.”

 

“Something you wanna say there?”

 

“Only that you’re even crazier than I thought.”

 

Andronikos twirled the garnish stem and grinned. “Don’t tell me you’ve never taken a shot at her.”

 

“Nah. Survival instinct’s too strong for that. (*) All the time I’ve known her, the Wrath’s had all of two lovers. Quinn an’ Servant Nine. And they both died at her hands. One of ‘em came back, but I wouldn’t stake my life on that happening again.” Pierce rearranged his arms to reveal a half-finished beer, which he promptly took a swig of. “It’s not too late. Some of her one-night stands have been known to survive.”

 

“If ‘one night’ is the operative thing there, it’s already too late for me.”

 

“Trying to think of a word stronger than ‘crazy’ here. Failing for the time being.” Pierce shook his head, drank again. “She worth it?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so. I got no complaints.” Andronikos finally looked at Pierce. “You could just ask her sometime. She’s not stingy, you know. And she likes you enough.”

 

“You getting some kind of refer-a-friend bonus out of this?”

 

“Nah. Just saying, you deserve some happiness.”

 

“Heh, I get plenty of happiness. From sources a lot more stable than the Wrath. Speaking of things more stable than the Wrath, I wanted to mod a few more thermal detonators before we go out tomorrow.” He straightened and started for the door. “‘Night, Andronikos. Be careful.”

 

“Where has ‘careful’ ever gotten the likes of you and me?”

 

Pierce chuckled. “Try not to wear her out, then. I’ll be wanting her in the field tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

(I can imagine the likes of Andronikos using "Yeah, I guess so. I got no complaints" to describe any sex from mediocre on up the scale. Yeah, whatever. Awesomest sex ever? It was all right. No problems here.)

Edited August 6, 2012 by bright_ephemera

Yeah I can see Nikos saying that as well, Bright. Somehow, whenever I read I hear his voice with an Austrailian accent, tho.

CHRONICLES PAST, 3: In which Niselle gives the Dark Council compromising information

 

Cross-posted from the Short Fic Weekly Challenge.

 

Time period: Shortly after Quinn's death, well before his ghostly reappearance

 

 

Nalenne stood before the Dark Council, regal in her full battlegear, and fully stimmed up because these a**es insisted they couldn't fit a hearing into their schedule any time after six AM on weekdays.

 

Darth Marr spoke. "Darth Nalenne. The Emperor's Wrath. We recognize you and seek a status report on your campaign."

 

"So," she said, "with the guidance of the Emperor's Hand I have been systematically sweeping the Arthan Corridor. The survivors of the affected system tremble at my name. They are Imperial in all but paperwork now.”

 

Before anyone could answer, the door to the Council chamber banged open. Another Sith Pureblood woman appeared, bald like Nalenne, yellow-eyed like Nalenne, slightly more Dark Side-corrupted than Nalenne. Their features were nearly identical.

 

Darth Nox, also known as Niselle, waved a hand languidly as she processed to her seat. "Good morning, gentlemen, sorry I'm late. I clean forgot we scheduled an early hearing. - Oh, hello, Lenny."

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

"Lenny?" said Darth Marr.

 

“Weird vocal tic,” said Nalenne quickly. “What she meant was ‘O great and terrifying Wrath.’”

 

“I’ve been calling her Lenny since we were three years old,” said Niselle.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“That’s adorable,” said Darth Vowrawn.

 

“It really is rather precious,” said Darth Ravage.

 

“Nis, I will end you!” Nalenne drew her saber and faced her sister.

 

Darth Marr raised a hand. “Wrath. I know you’re new to this job. You should know we have a house rule, lay off killing your fellow Dark Council members in any week we've already lost two. It helps keep turnover down, you know?”

 

“I’m not a fellow Dark Council member. I don’t have to listen.”

 

“Our house, our rules. Maybe if you and your sister hadn’t blown out the quota earlier in the week, you would be free to exact revenge now.”

 

“It really is a pain to replace Council members at the current rate,” Vowrawn explained gently. “We would simply run out of Sith if we didn’t all agree to keep the body count down.”

 

“Spilling dirt like that? Nis needs to die,” said Nalenne.

 

“You won’t hear me arguing,” grumbled Ravage.

 

“Hush, you,” said Marr. “Continue with your report...Lenny.”

 

Nalenne’s eyes bulged. Her fists clenched.

 

“House rules, rookie,” said Marr, definitely not sounding like he was grinning behind his mask. “Let’s get back to business.”

CHRONICLES PRESENT, 24: In which Nalenne looks to the Jedi

 

 

Time period: After Nalenne gets with Andronikos Revel

…and before most of the crew finds out

 

 

“Jaesa.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Jaesa.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Jaesa?”

 

“Almost there.”

 

“Jaesa, for spite’s sake, put down the comic book.”

 

Jaesa huffed and set down her datapad. “Look, just because you are incapable of appreciating the artistic nuances of this Mynock Resurgent series…”

 

“You’re my apprentice, I get to interrupt you.”

 

“What can possibly be more important than saving Totally Not Kaas City from-”

 

“Remember Rho?”

 

“The Hero of Tython? Of course.”

 

“He’s not going away any time soon.”

 

Jaesa glowed. “I know. It gives me hope.”

 

“So I need to train you to kill me.”

 

“What?”

 

“He runs with that Sith, right? The old Wrath, Lord Scourge? He’s evil, right? You don’t like him?”

 

“I…don’t know what Lord Scourge is. I do not trust him.”

 

“Close enough. He’s nearly as dangerous as Rho is, and since Rho keeps my hands full in a fight I need someone who can handle Scourge. That’s going to be you. He fights much like I do, so it’s easy. We transition your training from ‘train you to kill people who aren’t me’ to ‘train you to kill people a lot like me.’ Then we have the mundanes deal with the astromech, the redhead, the monomaniacal lunatic menace to society, and the blue boy, and we’ll be ready for next time.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with training to kill specific members of the finest Light Side team this galaxy has ever produced.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with letting you live, sweetheart, but we all make sacrifices.”

 

Jaesa blanched. “Master, you haven’t threatened to kill me in months.”

 

“You haven’t been chickening out on me. Come on, agree to help kill Lord Sithy Betrayal Scourge, and we can stay in and watch X-Folk Arise tonight.”

 

“In your room?”

 

“In my room.”

 

“Quinn won’t like it.”

 

“Quinn can’t possibly overcome Lord Scourge. Ergo his opinion matters less right now.”

 

"You've been really harsh on him lately, you know that?"

 

Nalenne giggled. "Jaesa, you have no idea."

Edited August 14, 2012 by bright_ephemera

You hate Quinn so much...

You hate Quinn so much...

 

Hey. Have you ever noticed how incredibly difficult it is to keep Quinn happy? He brings this on himself.

Hey. Have you ever noticed how incredibly difficult it is to keep Quinn happy? He brings this on himself.

 

hey I completely I have grown to hate Quinn he has to be one of the easiest characters to hate. Next to Darth Baras.

I am fully justified:

 

PARTIAL LIST OF THINGS QUINN HATES

 

 

• Impersonating a human being (“Is that an order, or are you testing my professionalism?”)
  
• Not handing defenseless women over to be…I’m pretty sure I can’t write that word on these forums, but he disapproved of my protecting her from the man who had been relentlessly pursuing her and of whom she was abjectly terrified (Alderaan)
  
• Vette
  
• Lieutenant Pierce (This alone means Quinn is defective)
  
• Sparing useful Force users (everywhere, ever…he’s nearly as reliable as Khem Val on this)
  
• Killing useful Force-blinds (Nar Shaddaa)
  
• Helping civilians (Nar Shaddaa)
  
• Slaughtering civilians
  
• Being flirted with
  
• Not being flirted with (one variant of the profession-of-love conversation, iirc)
  
• Sex (Everything up to Act 3)
  
• Being rejected for sex, and I’ll point out that he chooses to proposition you in the same breath as expressing his satisfaction with ending a psychotic decade-old grudge through kidnapping and murder, then gets snippy when you’re not in the mood (Act 3)
  
• Continuing to get sex (turning down a marriage proposal with “We already have a good thing going” is massively not okay with Captain Wildly My Social Inferior, Also Your Career Choices Were Your Own Prerogative Up Until Ten Seconds Ago, My Lord)
  
• Being accused of having a conscience
  
• Being accused of being unprincipled (being accused of not having sufficient conscience? He also gets annoyed on Balmorra when you doubt him)
  
• Being encouraged to admit that he’s a raging fountain of hate and bitterness when it comes to, oh, everybody he’s ever met
  
• Being denied the chance to take out his raging fountain of hate and bitterness against, oh, everybody he's ever met
  
• Missing an opportunity to talk about how much attention he’s not asking for
  
• Not getting attention
  
• Anybody backstabbing anybody before he gets the chance to do so
  
• Criticizing the boss, unless he’s the one doing it
  
• Failing to murder the boss at the first opportunity (see endgame, also Moff Broysc)
  
• The Light Side (Jaesa’s recruitment)
  
• Senseless murder, selfishness, and other hallmarks of Dark Side dedication
  

 

It’s practically impossible not to make him miserable. Also he’s a secret agent who takes absolutely every possible opportunity to make himself useful – no, indispensable – and to get to know you, intimately, then attempts to shoot you and mucks it up. He attacks you with the only class of opponent you can CC. He’s a buggering idiot and a treacherous one at that. Also his voice, while impressively expressive, annoys me. Yes, yes I hate him.

 

On a meta level I love the character, a ton. I find him fascinating. But any rational evaluation of the man must necessarily end with "He's a hateful monster and undeserving of love."

Edited August 14, 2012 by bright_ephemera