I bet some of you thought this thread would be offering advice about how to RP your Sith...

You have been deceived!

This thread is actually a place where we apply Sith teachings and strategies to all your RP questions. If you have an RP question that requires Sith attention, feel free to post it in this thread.

Our first question comes from the player Mandoballet on the server Spurious Obstruction:

Darth Slaine,

My friend and I wish to RP Huttball players but we get a lot of grief from other players over the concept. How can we have our fun without drawing all this negative attention to ourselves? We just want to RP in peace!

Peace is a lie!!! The best thing to do is to practice your RP in secret while you grow in power. Let one Huttball player be the master and the other his apprentice. Never make more than two Huttball players -- one to wield power and one to crave it! Bide your time and cloud your enemies' senses. You will know when the moment is ripe to spike that Huttball on their shallow graves!

Another question comes from Bellbiv of the Devoe Legacy on the Porkins server:

Dear Slaine,

I am interested in RPing my character as a witness to the Jedi Civil War but the dates in the Timeline are too early for it to be possible. Should I say my character was frozen in carbonite for all this time or is it better to say he is of a very long-lived species?

Truth belongs to he who shapes it, my dark apprentice! If you disagree with any aspects of Gnost-Dural's Timeline and it hinders your path to power than you must destroy the impediment! First, call into question Gnost-Dural's authority and sources. You might even suggest that he was a Sith spy spreading pro-Sith propaganda! This will sow discord amongst our enemies and no one will know who to trust for date-related information. Your chains are broken!

The last question from this week comes from Hanshotworst on Lord Ardrass:

Lord Slaine,

I would like to begin an IC family but I don't want to spend 9 months RPing a pregnancy. Is there any way to reduce the inconvenience of having a child IC?

Have you ever heard the story of Darth Slaine the Wise? Go to a planet on the Galactic Rim and, using an esoteric force power known only to the Sith, get a random lady knocked up when she isn't looking and let her spend 9 months in preggo land! Wait 10-12 years and the child will come to you... This do I see very clearly in the future.

That is all for today, my apprentices. If you have need of the wisdom of the Sith, please make your questions known!

Oh great Dath Slaine, my big Bounty Hunter brother keeps bullying me! the developers on the Empire side made it so that his abilities aren't delayed nearly as much as mine, and he keeps on teasing me about it! I am sick and tired of it, I considered going full-auto on him, but he'd just unload all over me by the time the animation's begun! How do I fix this?

Sincerely,

AssaultedCannon @ Spook Hamar

Dear Slaine:

I've got a friend (not me, you understand) who has a problem that seems to affect me--him! I mean him-- only when he's in battle. It's a bit embarrassing, to say the least. It seems that...well...his lightsabre has a burning sensation, if you know what I'm saying. He's tried talking to his friends, but they all keep telling him it's a proc for his spec and that it's entirely normal. Obviously, his friends are just fanbois who'll defend everything about the Repu--- Empire! The Sith Empire, of course, allhailhisEmperornessness. He's not one of those Jedi pansies. At all.

What can my friend do to alleviate this...condition of his? It's starting to get noticible when his opponents burst into flame every few seconds.

Signed,

Darthwing Duck @ Diznee Server

My dark acolytes, behold the power of the Sith as I answer these questions - the answers shall set you free!

Oh great Darth Slaine, my big Bounty Hunter brother keeps bullying me! the developers on the Empire side made it so that his abilities aren't delayed nearly as much as mine, and he keeps on teasing me about it! I am sick and tired of it, I considered going full-auto on him, but he'd just unload all over me by the time the animation's begun! How do I fix this?

Sincerely,

AssaultedCannon @ Spook Hamar

I, Darth Slaine, hate it when families are torn apart by delayed action sequencing! The only way you can resolve this issue is to fawn over your BH brother and grovel before him -- all while secretly plotting his demise! He will take you as his apprentice and you will learn all that he knows and then...

When he falls asleep at night, with murder on your mind, you will sneak into his room and stand over his slumbering body and it will be you that unloads all over him! Then you will be the master.

Dear Slaine:

I've got a friend (not me, you understand) who has a problem that seems to affect me--him! I mean him-- only when he's in battle. It's a bit embarrassing, to say the least. It seems that...well...his lightsabre has a burning sensation, if you know what I'm saying. He's tried talking to his friends, but they all keep telling him it's a proc for his spec and that it's entirely normal. Obviously, his friends are just fanbois who'll defend everything about the Repu--- Empire! The Sith Empire, of course, allhailhisEmperornessness. He's not one of those Jedi pansies. At all.

What can my friend do to alleviate this...condition of his? It's starting to get noticible when his opponents burst into flame every few seconds.

Signed,

Darthwing Duck @ Diznee Server

Your "friend" must embrace his pain and this burning sensation and hold it dear to himself! He will draw power from the fiery beast when he takes it in his sword-hand and unleashes its fury upon his foes! He may also wish to invest in medical creams and stay clear of Twi'leks for some several months. Go forth in passion, my child!

It seems to me that there is a thread that connects these two questions and their answers! Such is the wisdom of the Force.

My Lord Slaine

I seek help with my mastery of Force Lightning. Whenever I'm in a crowded room I get a little nervous, and suddenly sparks shoot from my hands. Everyone just stares at me and doesn't move (I'm not sure if it's surprise, disgust, or just several thousand volts of electricity temporarily shorting out their nervous system). Do you have any advice with this situation?

Also, if I may be permitted, I have a secondary question. As a powerful master of the force I am able to knit the flesh of individuals together, but I wonder, isn't this a light side ability? My friends (who will be crushed when I have sufficient power over them) all laugh at me and call me a Jedi Healer, which has led to uncomfortable moments with the Inquisitors. It has gotten to the point where I want to remotely create some Sith hellbaby in someone just to prove my devotion to the Dark Side, but hellbabies take time to gestate and grow to any usuable state, so how do I justify my fine control over the body of others until then?

signed

Darth Tullanius, Lord of Indescribable Agony

Dear Darth Slaine,

I'm a ship captain who enjoys visiting various cantinas from time to time. I enjoy mingling with the other faction in the Slippery Slopes on Nar Shaddaa, but I've noticed a practice that has me worried for my lady friends. Sith, Chiss or other Imperial types seem to rely on a particular pick-up line--if you can call it that! At least twice a night some Imp with a mischievous glint in their eye will offer to buy a lady a drink, but then make a crack about how they promise not to poison it. Invariably, the women will eventually take a sip out of a sense of politeness. There's no way for me to tell how often the drink actually is poisoned, or drugged.

Aside from the fact that I think it's really tacky, I find it also very disrespectful and potentially life-threatening! I don't want to butt into anybody's business, but I don't think I can let this behavior slide any longer. What should I do?

Also, how come no Imps ever offer to buy me a drink? I'm a debonair fella--what's the deal?

Signed,

Smuggler with a Heart of Gold

Lord Slaine

After hearing the story of Darth Revan, the Sith Lord who wore stolen Mandalorian armor in battle, I wish to roleplay the story of Jem'alle'saiya, the Mandalorian who wore a stolen Sith Lord's armor into battle. But the other Mandalorians all point and laugh at me, saying no true warrior would wear a bright red silk robe into battle. How do I convince them I am one of the best combatants in the galaxy?

Once more I bring you the dark counsel of my heart....

My Lord Slaine

I seek help with my mastery of Force Lightning. Whenever I'm in a crowded room I get a little nervous, and suddenly sparks shoot from my hands. Everyone just stares at me and doesn't move (I'm not sure if it's surprise, disgust, or just several thousand volts of electricity temporarily shorting out their nervous system). Do you have any advice with this situation?

Also, if I may be permitted, I have a secondary question. As a powerful master of the force I am able to knit the flesh of individuals together, but I wonder, isn't this a light side ability? My friends (who will be crushed when I have sufficient power over them) all laugh at me and call me a Jedi Healer, which has led to uncomfortable moments with the Inquisitors. It has gotten to the point where I want to remotely create some Sith hellbaby in someone just to prove my devotion to the Dark Side, but hellbabies take time to gestate and grow to any usuable state, so how do I justify my fine control over the body of others until then?

signed

Darth Tullanius, Lord of Indescribable Agony

You dare to ask two questions at once?!!! Such impertinence! I would insist you go torment yourself with Force Lightening but it seems that might be dangerous to the rest of Sithendom!

My dark scrubling, you lack self control. A Sith who cannot control his own power is not a Sith! While electrocuting your friends might be a good party trick, it will soon get dull and repetitive. No one wants to associate with a fellow if it means they must spray themselves from head to toe with anti-static cling treatments before shaking his hand. Clearly you have some deep-seated performance issues that are causing you to discharge at inopportune moments.

Look to your past -- I would suggest this issue has its roots in some deep psychological trauma. Perhaps your mother didn't love you enough... perhaps she loved you too much! Doesn't matter, it never hurts to blame one's parents.

I am forwarding you the contact information for some dear friends of mine, Darth Elektra and Darth Oedipus. They run a secret enclave dedicated to torture, intrigue and Freudian psychoanalysis. You will thank me when they are through with you!

But before I answer your next question, I feel I should buy myself a pair of rubber undergarments, should we ever meet.

Okay, I'm back.

Hmmmm, this is a puzzler. Hellbabies are a dime a dozen on Korriban these days. Have you tried leaving scars when you heal people? Or perhaps you could perform unwanted plastic surgery on your friends while they sleep. Nothing says Sith like a reverse-rhinoplasty in the morning!

Or you could follow my example...

When someone asks about my "fine control over the body of others" I tell them: I'm sexy and I know it.

Dear Darth Slaine,

I'm a ship captain who enjoys visiting various cantinas from time to time. I enjoy mingling with the other faction in the Slippery Slopes on Nar Shaddaa, but I've noticed a practice that has me worried for my lady friends. Sith, Chiss or other Imperial types seem to rely on a particular pick-up line--if you can call it that! At least twice a night some Imp with a mischievous glint in their eye will offer to buy a lady a drink, but then make a crack about how they promise not to poison it. Invariably, the women will eventually take a sip out of a sense of politeness. There's no way for me to tell how often the drink actually is poisoned, or drugged.

Aside from the fact that I think it's really tacky, I find it also very disrespectful and potentially life-threatening! I don't want to butt into anybody's business, but I don't think I can let this behavior slide any longer. What should I do?

Also, how come no Imps ever offer to buy me a drink? I'm a debonair fella--what's the deal?

Signed,

Smuggler with a Heart of Gold

My dear child of the night, it is indeed painful to our refined senses to witness such lame game -- but we must feed off our discomfort and channel our hatred for these no-account busters.

Here are some terrible Sith pick-up lines I have heard:

• Need help unleashing your Dark Side?
  
• Want to go gain strength?
  
• Your father must be a thief because he stole aspects of the Void and put them in your eyes.
  
• Nice heavily-armored powered-exoskeleton -- it would look awesome on the floor next to my bed.
  
• Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
  

So console yourself, acolyte of terror, for it could be much worse. Let a few be poisoned here and there if it means we don't need to listen to the slick moves of Darth Playa... btw, as Sith we can hate both the player and the game!

About your final question... I can only assume that this romantic neglect of a smuggler with the Heart of Gold is a side effect of the Infinite Improbability Drive.

Lord Slaine

After hearing the story of Darth Revan, the Sith Lord who wore stolen Mandalorian armor in battle, I wish to roleplay the story of Jem'alle'saiya, the Mandalorian who wore a stolen Sith Lord's armor into battle. But the other Mandalorians all point and laugh at me, saying no true warrior would wear a bright red silk robe into battle. How do I convince them I am one of the best combatants in the galaxy?

A tricky question indeed, my wicked clothes-horse. It is undeniable that not all Sith outfits strike fear universally into the hearts of our opponents. Many is the time I have passed by the Hot Topic here on Korriban only to see freshly-accoutred Sith sporting baggy pants, haphazardly cut fringes and Just Beiber t-shirts bedazzled to an absurd degree. In truth, not all the dark eyeliner in the world can save an unwary Sith from fashion disaster!

Revan is a special case. You might want to work your way up to his level slowly, while proving your martial skills along the way. We can't all be the full Liberace the moment we leave the Academy!

I would suggest starting with a conservative wallet-chain and some black nail polish. Consult the looks of Darth Robert Smith and Darth Trent Reznor.

When you have gradually built up your fashion-skillz, and death count, to a point at which you can wear a silk smoking jacket+hockey mask combination you will know you have arrived!

Tremble, o' my enemies!

 

 

Lord Slaine

 

After hearing the story of Darth Revan, the Sith Lord who wore stolen Mandalorian armor in battle, I wish to roleplay the story of Jem'alle'saiya, the Mandalorian who wore a stolen Sith Lord's armor into battle. But the other Mandalorians all point and laugh at me, saying no true warrior would wear a bright red silk robe into battle. How do I convince them I am one of the best combatants in the galaxy?

 

 

A tricky question indeed, my wicked clothes-horse. It is undeniable that not all Sith outfits strike fear universally into the hearts of our opponents. Many is the time I have passed by the Hot Topic here on Korriban only to see freshly-accoutred Sith sporting baggy pants, haphazardly cut fringes and Just Beiber t-shirts bedazzled to an absurd degree. In truth, not all the dark eyeliner in the world can save an unwary Sith from fashion disaster!

 

Revan is a special case. You might want to work your way up to his level slowly, while proving your martial skills along the way. We can't all be the full Liberace the moment we leave the Academy!

I would suggest starting with a conservative wallet-chain and some black nail polish. Consult the looks of Darth Robert Smith and Darth Trent Reznor.

 

When you have gradually built up your fashion-skillz, and death coun,t to a point at which you can wear a silk smoking jacket+hockey mask combination you will know you have arrived!

 

Tremble, o' my enemies!

Your wisdom knows no bounds, Lord! Many thanks. Should you ever find yourself staring at an undesirable person, let it be known that my first job for you is on the house.

Dear Darth Slaine,

I am in need of your Sithy wisdom! I happen to have a Sith Apprentice captured on my ship and incapacitated, however, I want to see just how much pain the average Sith can take before he dies, so I have an assortment of torture tools at my disposal, including...

Organ grinders, Eye Pluckers, Eardrum Pullers, Neck Twisters, Leg Rippers, Alderaanian Wine, and a crazy Mandalorian lady.

However, I do not know what order I should use them in! What exactly would be the most painful to the average Sith Lord?

Sincerely,

Not-Mad-Scientist Luigi Shaffer

Dear Darth Slaine,

I have always noticed that followers of your "religion" have always gone for the dark and gritty look. While that does look intimidating and all that, it does seem a little cliche and kinda obvious that you are a Sith, you know? Perhaps some Sith could look into wearing bright and cheerful colors? It would certainly throw your enemies off, what do you think?

Signed, Caewen Renn, Bounty Hunter

P.S: If you know anyone interested in buying a slightly used, but top quality protocol droid. Could you send them my way? The damn thing is driving me crazy with his constant greetings.