Some of this is uneededly sarcastic.

Saecasm is always needed

The post is an article on cracked.com shame on you for basically parading it as your own work

 

http://www.cracked.com/article/167_5-reasons-star-wars-sequels-would-be-worse-than-prequels/

 

Enjoy everyone, they have other Star Wars articles as well.

he did say he stole it from another site in the beginning of his post.

The post is an article on cracked.com shame on you for basically parading it as your own work

 

http://www.cracked.com/article/167_5-reasons-star-wars-sequels-would-be-worse-than-prequels/

 

Enjoy everyone, they have other Star Wars articles as well.

Learn to read, I said so in the beginning that I stole this from another site. I´ve been reading all the post ROTJ stuff on wookieepedia and then searched a bit further and this article expresses just what I´m thinking, only that author knows how to write it down perfectly and made me wet my pants laughing.

I´m not taking any credits for this article !

I just wanted to know what other people´opinions are on this matter, though I respect the fact that other do like the EU post ROTJ.

EDIT: You beat me to it , divinedoom

Hah, epic post.

Frankly this is a story about space wizards from the past future in the vein of Flash Gordon. Any point where you aren't laughing out loud is a testiment to excellent writing. The parts where you are laughing out loud should be the norm.

I only giggle sometimes and love the entire thing.

Learn to read, I said so in the beginning that I stole this from another site. I´ve been reading all the post ROTJ stuff on wookieepedia and then searched a bit further and this article expresses just what I´m thinking, only that author knows how to write it down perfectly and made me wet my pants laughing.

 

I´m not taking any credits for this article !

 

I just wanted to know what other people´opinions are on this matter, though I respect the fact that other do like the EU post ROTJ.

 

EDIT: You beat me to it , divinedoom

Wookiepedia is not the place to see if you like the stuff in the EU, a bookstore or library is. As has been stated, the original movies can sound just as ridiculous if reduced down that way.

For instance, A New Hope is about a poor farm boy who meets a wizard, a pirate, and a giant dog after is foster parents are killed. The boy goes on to rescues a princess who kisses him and he falls in love with, even though she is secretly his sister. The farm boy then joins the princess's army and winds up destroying a space station the size of a small moon by firing at it once with his eyes closed.

-----------

If you want to know if you'll like it, read it. The Thrawn Trilogy by Timothy Zahn is always highly recommended. I also recommend the Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin. It gives some background on the character I always loved the most from the OT, from his childhood to the Mos Eisley cantina where he met Obi Wan and Luke.

No wonder this text is a lot about the Dark Empire/Empires end, which has a lot of ridiculously Over-The-Top-stuff.

It is even so silly that the emperor clones himself twice and builds two times super weapons more deadly than the death star in that story arc. I did not like Dark side Luke either, especially when he already had his dark side temptation moment on the second death star. And not to forget, we have also Super Luke, Super Leia and Super Emperor in it, who burst into huge force balls at the end of the first part.

But there were too good points in it, one of them very important for the EU.

First, I don't see Brand as Master Plot-device. I liked how Luke tried to gather new jedi and only two of them survived the first battles. Which was, to be honest, contradicted soon by "Jedi Outcast", where Yavin already has been swarmed with Jedi.

Second, Empires end paved the way for the whole "Old Republic"-EU, since it etablished a lot of things which were used in the following works from the first real Old Republic-Comics until this very game. For Empires end, they created the planet Balmorra and it heavily influenced the apperance and idea of Korribans sith tombs, which remained unusually unchanged in the later EU-Works until today. Other things were the first jedi academy on Ossus and the first appearance of the old jedi masters (Ood Bnar).

Dark Empire and Empires End are really over the top.

To the point that most author's try to ignore it. Aspects do creep in from time to time. Han says to Luke at one point in the FotJ series "This is the worst idea you've had since you agreed to join the emperor". Even Mara Jade doesn't believe Luke about the stuff regarding the resurrected emperor.

The idea with Star Wars, is that everything is legend, it happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, and every author who writes about it is putting their own twist on history. Watch any movie inspired by real events, things have been shifted or adjusted for effect. I would like to think that the DE stuff is real, but as it's represented in comic form, it's embellished quite a bit.

What i would like to see, is a novel (or trilogy even) to take place at this time, and provide a new canon for these events. Something that manages to keep certain aspects of the stories, but without going so crazy. There is some cool stuff that happens, and the World Devastator level was my favorite from Rogue Squadron, so that needs to be canon.

Not just that, but the art from DE is just so terrible, it makes it hard to get into.

 

If you want to know if you'll like it, read it. The Thrawn Trilogy by Timothy Zahn is always highly recommended. I also recommend the Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin. It gives some background on the character I always loved the most from the OT, from his childhood to the Mos Eisley cantina where he met Obi Wan and Luke.

Han Solo trilogy will always be one of my favorites.

even if you don't want to have anything to do with the EU, but you like Han Solo, you will love these books.

Han Solo trilogy will always be one of my favorites.

 

even if you don't want to have anything to do with the EU, but you like Han Solo, you will love these books.

Agreed completely. In fact, The Paradise Snare was the first full length novel I ever read. I was about 12 years old at the time. I still credit that book for kickstarting my love of reading. Which is funny, because one of my favorite authors, Jim Butcher, credits The Han Solo Adventures as kickstarting his love of reading. Note that The HS Trilogy and The HS Adventures are two completely different sets of books. The Adventures was written first and takes place during a gap in the second book of The HS Trilogy.

Before you read any further, read this: I love Star Wars and really enjoy a lot of the EU. Nevertheless, all of the EU stuff is a bit silly, at the very least. None of it is very well written; yes, even the much vaunted Thrawn Trilogy feels as though a community college English major wrote it. But, I guess that's part of the charm.

I read quite a bit. In addition to work related material, I probably read two or three books per week. I like to add a Star Wars novel into the mix at times. I enjoy them without exception, but they are all truly poor works of fiction. Try reading something that has won a Pulitzer, then read one of the New Jedi Order books. All of the EU books are filled with plot holes, half-assed deus ex machinas (looking at you ysalamiri and Thrawn), and, yes, spelling errors. But, for some reason, I can't put it down once I pick one up.

Back to the main point of the thread: yes, they're silly and usually they suffer from some awful writing, but they're also a lot of fun and part of our culture.

What I think is very necessary, but there's really no good way to do it, is for the entire universe to be retconned. Jedi were not invulnerable in the original films, could not move planets, could not cast strange sith spells, etc.... It wasn't really magic, or it would have been called magic. It was the Force -- it had limitations and scientific connotations. The Jedi need to have their powers cut across the board. It wasn't the Force, after all, that saved Luke or Vader (or the Emperor for that matter, since...well...he wasn't saved at all). It was their humanity, faith, etc....

Well, off the pulpit for me. Thanks for reading, and sorry about the length.

Not to mention Zahn has been writing the occasional book. And that man has a grasp of the characters in the SW universe.

He's better than other writer but he's partly responsible for leather pantsing Empire and make Alliance weak.

if you assassinate a president, the government doesn't cease to exist.

if you blow up a weapons facility, the military doesn't fall apart.

assuming that an entire body of government, spanning countless star systems, would just go *poof* because the leader and a space station were taken out is just stupid.

Heh, I won't lie some of the things mentioned are quite silly (Dark Empire stuff with cloned Palpatine, etc.) but for the most part I find the newer series of books more interesting and much less far fetched. New Jedi Order and everything following.

 

Plus, have you looked at the "Old Republic" era beyond this game? There's some pretty neat content there as well.

actualy it's not that silly if you think about it. Your an evil dictator and don't know if you'll be overthrown and you have acess to a cloneing device you would use it to hopefully retain power. After all remember the clone wars?

if you assassinate a president, the government doesn't cease to exist.

if you blow up a weapons facility, the military doesn't fall apart.

 

assuming that an entire body of government, spanning countless star systems, would just go *poof* because the leader and a space station were taken out is just stupid.

You got me there, that is why I started this discussion... and I have noticed that lots of people very much like what is called 'The Thrawn Trilogy' .

My first thought went out when Adolf and Saddam were killed or fled, the armies surrendered not long after, however, the same armies were allready decimated and had no chances of winning.

The Imperial Armed Forces waging battle at the moon of Endor were only a small portion of the total Imperial Forces. So it would be illogical that the bulk of the Imperial Forces with it's commanders - still in full battle strength - would surrender immediately after Palpatine destroyed.

So I'll be keeping my eye out for the Thrawn Trilogy and read those novels.

Someone before mentioned that there is a Han Solo storyline, I'll be looking for that one as well.

The only novels that I have been reading are 'The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader' and some other one about Obi-Wan, I enjoyed them.

Still, for ME -let me make that clear, in my opinion- the Yuuzhong whatever, Darth Cadeus, and a muliple Coning Emperor who suddenly can trigger Force Storms and decimate whole planets and fleets is still crap for me.

Thank you for the information all, I will be watching this thread with great interest.

You got me there, that is why I started this discussion... and I have noticed that lots of people very much like what is called 'The Thrawn Trilogy' .

 

My first thought went out when Adolf and Saddam were killed or fled, the armies surrendered not long after, however, the same armies were allready decimated and had no chances of winning.

.

Now I see where your comming from. Adalf and Saddam, made the government and Military be surrounded by them.

Do you see what I am saying?

Palpatine didn't make the entire Imperial Government surround, though they still followed his commands. After conquering most of the galaxy, he stepped down and let Imperial Politics and Vader take control. Though he was still the almighty man.

Adolf and Saddam made the military and government need them. Or else they would fall.

I'm not sure if that makes sense, I'm not good at wording explanations.

I'm a huge SW fan (movies)

Since I´m playing SWTOR, I wanted to do a little research on the old republic, very interesting indeed.

In the past I also encountered names like Ben Skywalker and such so I wondered what happened after the Battle of Endor, the chosen one fullfilling and the Sith destroyed and peace forever.

 

But seriously ***, what idiot (IMO) came up with whatever happened after. Stole this from another website:

 

Stole this from another site:

 

Undoing the Ending of Return of the Jedi

 

Everything had wrapped up nicely at the end of Return of the Jedi. We see the Imperial menace defeated over the forest moon of Endor by the likes of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca the Wookiee and Lando "The Last Black Man in the Galaxy" Calrissian.

 

The Emperor's plan to recruit Luke to the dark side failed, and Darth Vader redeemed himself by dunking the raisin-faced bastard into the reactor core of the Death Star like Lebron James. Vader, electrocuted and hairless--and decidedly not James Earl Jones--died and the Death Star exploded, effectively wiping out the Sith, releasing their chokehold on the Galaxy and infuriating whoever was the lienholder on the destroyed battle station.

 

Simultaneous celebrations were held on countless planets because evidently news travels fast through the infinite expanse of *********** space. Our heroes dance with some teddy bears and the credits roll.

 

Not so fast:

 

That is, the Empire keeps rolling right along, imposing space-tyranny on all who stand in their way.

 

And the thing is, it's hard to argue with the idea.

 

Neither the Emperor nor the Death Star had ever been a threat to the Rebellion, so, you know, **** those first three movies. The Imperials had been able to control the Galaxy without a Death Star for a couple of decades, relying instead on fleet warfare and ground support for good old fashioned genocide. As for the Emperor, does killing the leader of a tyrannical government with a powerful and loyal army immediately end the entire conflict?

 

 

According to the majority of the books and comics set after the original trilogy, with the Emperor gone, there were hundreds of Admirals, Generals and Politicians who vied for control of the Galaxy. Without a universally accepted leader, the Empire spiraled into a civil war.

 

The Rebellion is still, well, a Rebellion, which means it still has to gain victory over the remaining Imperials to win, who are in turn fighting amongst themselves. And so, the Skywalker family, which you may remember as being the entire point of the Star Wars saga, fades into the background as we watch the Rebels continue to fight two different Empires for 20 more years. During that time it's fair to assume billions more people died and trillions more words of poorly written dialog were spoken.

 

 

Cloning the emperor

 

 

Oh, hey, speaking of the dead Emperor, he is dead, right? After all, Darth Vader basically sacrificed himself to kill the man and wipe out this dark threat to The Force for all time.

 

Yes, that sure was a meaningful sacrifice Anakin made to redeem himself and save countless lives.

 

Not so fast...

 

 

Once more, you can see why they did it. You need a villain. And if George Lucas had written the sequel stories, it's hard to believe he wouldn't have done the same, after he contorted every prequel storyline to shoehorn in as many OT characters as he could.

 

In this storyline, Palpatine, secure in his new corporeal digs, proceeds to use a variety of nifty tactics that nearly annihilate the Rebels. The reasons why he waited until after his death to employ these tactics are beyond even the wisest of us.

 

To make things worse, Luke Skywalker, forgetting absolutely everything about his dad's story arc, thought the best way to deal with this threat was by becoming Palpatine's new apprentice. Although he tries to sabotage the Empire's efforts from the inside, he eventually succumbs to the Dark Side, presumably because the temptation of paid vacation and a dental plan proved to be too great.

 

 

After Luke essentially becomes the Sega Genesis to Vader's Master System, Leia comes to her brother's rescue and eventually redeems him (you may remember this as the exact same plot of the original trilogy). Unfortunately it's already too late for most of the galaxy, as the Empire has already managed to decimate entire worlds without a Death Star and is within sight of total victory (evidently "total victory" means "killing every last mother****er in space").

 

Palps is eventually killed by Empatojayos Brand, an ancient Jedi better known as Master Desperate Plot Device, thus ending the crisis and allowing the Dark Empire series to stop wasting our gosh darn time.

 

Adding a bunch of new jedi

 

 

Pretty much the entire point of the original trilogy was that Luke Skywalker, son of Darth Vader, is the last hope for the Jedi Order and the Galaxy. You know, the other Jedi having been ruthlessly hunted down and destroyed by the Empire and all.

 

The only exceptions are Obi Wan, whose force powers seem to have degenerated into keeping an immaculately trimmed beard in the middle of the desert, and Yoda, who seems to have gone so ******* insane that all he can do is talk like Super Grover in cryptic nonsensical jibber-jabber and lift **** out of bogs with his mind.

 

With only these three superpowered individuals left, the future of the Galaxy seems bleak.

 

Not so fast...

 

 

One thing the good guys have to do to deal with the post-Death Star Empire is enlist the help of Jedi. Lots of them. In "sequel" comics like Dark Forces, much of the plot involves enlisting the help of these guys that are just hanging around in remote parts of the galaxy.

 

As it turns out, contrary to popular belief (a term which here means "what the films specifically told us in no uncertain terms"), the Jedi were not entirely wiped out but merely went into hiding. Again, we understand it's not Star Wars without Jedi and you can't wait for an army to be rebuilt from Luke and Leia's inbred children. The writers only had so many options.

 

But are we really to believe that these characters just sat on their fat asses, doing nothing to help while their Jedi brethren were getting thrown in the dumpster? That seems just a little out of character for the Galaxy's "Protectors of Freedom."

 

 

Superweapons That Make the Death Star Look Like a Pile of ****

 

 

All right, so maybe you think we were taking it too far when we said destroying the Death Star(s) didn't really change anything. After all, clearly these weapons were taking the Empire's power to a new level. The Death Stars were to be a planet-destroying game-changer, forever cementing their hold on the galaxy.

 

So if nothing else, taking them out dealt a serious blow to their plans.

 

Not so Fast...

 

Well, in the course of the Extended Universe stories, dozens of other, more powerful superweapons are introduced, some so over-the-top that, in retrospect, taking out the Death Star should've been right below "Remember to take Mittens to the vet" on the Webbel's To-Do List.

 

And some of them get ridiculous. Evidently the Empire set aside a little too much funding for the Board of Unnecessary Destruction.

The Galaxy Gun is a great example.

 

 

Although its name lacks the same pant****-inspiring sound as the Death Star, we are told it is a lot more powerful. It was first used during the reborn Emperor's campaign against the Rebels (see Cloning the Emperor, above), and during its operational history it destroyed more worlds than the Death Star. Making that count at least... two.

 

There is also the Sun Crusher, which we have to admit is the most ****** name ever given to any weapon, ever.

 

 

To sum it up, it basically does what its name suggests, firing a bunch of missiles into a star and causing it to collapse and go supernova, destroying the entire surrounding system by way of make-believe science.

 

Unfortunately, we already saw the planet-busting ultra gun in two out of the three original movies, so you can probably guess how the storylines involving both of these turned out (if you said "the Rebels enact a daring offensive that destroys the weapon," you are correct).

 

Creating a new sith empire:

 

Of course, even though the Emperor comes back and the Empire rises again, the webbels do eventually prevail. Sure, it took a couple of decades after the events of the OT, but we at least know that one day a gray-haired Han Solo and crew got to see their dream of an evilless galaxy come true.

 

Not So Fast...

 

According to the Star Wars Legacy comics, 100 years after the original trilogy, the galaxy has supposedly seen several major wars and enough political maneuvering to turn the franchise into a Tom Clancy novel. During that century, the Rebellion formed into the New Republic and then into the Galactic Alliance, eventually making peace with the Empire and allying with them on several occasions.

 

Luke Skywalker, again demonstrating his complete and total dementia, forgets every single detail about his father's life and builds a new Jedi Order that encourages emotional ties and marriages. Han Solo and Princess Leia have three kids, one of whom turns into a Sith, and Luke has a son with some redhead.

 

 

All of a sudden the Sith reappear. Again.

 

And, again, the Empire declares war on the Galactic Alliance, easily crushing their allied nuts and installing their Sith leader as Emperor of the Galaxy. Again.

 

They go on to lead a surprise attack against the Jedi, killing most of them and forcing the rest into hiding.

 

Again.

 

Meanwhile the scattered remnants of the Alliance begin a guerilla war against their much more powerful adversary while Luke's son, a young Jedi named Skywalker, must use his powerful Force abilities to try and destroy the evil Sith Emperor.

 

 

Our more clever readers may have noticed a small curiosity regarding this storyline: It is, word for word, the exact *********** plot of the entire Star Wars saga. Not just a recycled plot device like a new superweapon (see above), but the whole gosh darn plot.

 

...........

 

What about Darth Maul with robot legs ?

 

The yuuzong vong or something like that, the only thing that is not connected to the force ( all things are? )

This is so so so soooo very true. I like a lot of the EU, such as the Thrawn books, even the New Jedi Order. But holy crap, some of it is retarded beyond description. The Dark Empire series and the Legacy comics are both so idiotic and heedless of the whole point OF Star Wars it's almost offensive. Seriously, Lucas said that the whole prophecy about Anakin meant "no more Sith". How hard is that for people to understand? There are no more Sith. EVER. Come up with new bad guys already. Unfortunately, a lot of the EU books and comics read more like published fan fictions with authors trying to retell the same story over and over again than they do like serious stories.

Now I see where your comming from. Adalf and Saddam, made the government and Military be surrounded by them.

 

Do you see what I am saying?

 

Palpatine didn't make the entire Imperial Government surround, though they still followed his commands. After conquering most of the galaxy, he stepped down and let Imperial Politics and Vader take control. Though he was still the almighty man.

 

Adolf and Saddam made the military and government need them. Or else they would fall.

 

I'm not sure if that makes sense, I'm not good at wording explanations.

What exactly is your basis for all this? There's nothing to suggest the Emperor "stepped down". He is the absolute center of the whole thing. I'm not trying to be confrontational; I just don't see where you're getting this idea from.

This is so so so soooo very true. I like a lot of the EU, such as the Thrawn books, even the New Jedi Order. But holy crap, some of it is retarded beyond description. The Dark Empire series and the Legacy comics are both so idiotic and heedless of the whole point OF Star Wars it's almost offensive. Seriously, Lucas said that the whole prophecy about Anakin meant "no more Sith". How hard is that for people to understand? There are no more Sith. EVER. Come up with new bad guys already. Unfortunately, a lot of the EU books and comics read more like published fan fictions with authors trying to retell the same story over and over again than they do like serious stories.

 

 

 

 

What exactly is your basis for all this? There's nothing to suggest the Emperor "stepped down". He is the absolute center of the whole thing. I'm not trying to be confrontational; I just don't see where you're getting this idea from.

Dark empire was Lucas' idea.

All that you are pointing out is that much of the support for the post RotJ EU stories try to inject some reality into the Star Wars Universe. That reality being that with the Number 1 and number 2 from the Empire gone that empire simply surrenders.

 

Lucas himself stated that he envisioned three movie trilogies. The first trilogy was the rise of the Empire. The second trilogy was the GCW. The final trilogy was about the restoration of the Republic. So from the very beginning the end of RotJ was not the end of the Empire, it was the beginning of the end.

 

Like every story the post RotJ EU stories do have problems with recycling story themes and recycling defeated/dead enemies. DC comics and the Star Trek novels are as bad about this as the SW EU stories. While not good, it happens.

 

I enjoy some of the EU stories and hate others. But Lucas accepting them as Star Wars Canon is totally different and unless you really want to say that Lucas has no concern for Star Wars and is only interested in the money. So unless you are ready to go that far and ignore Canon, they are part of the SW universe, even if we do not like them.

This....

.....Except that Lucas has stated in an interview how he regards the EU novels. I believe it was something like "They are nice and all, but they aren't a part of my universe." Even though he licensed and approved them all, and forbade them from killing luke. Lucas is a complete idiot.

@OP: I think the EU novels are probably ALL better than the prequels, with the exception of reborn emperor...and young jedi (blech). But Thrawn books, Jedi Academy Trilogy, tales from the empire/republic/cantina/jabbas palace, NJO, first 4 books of rogue squadron were all fantastic. Read them before you spout of your mostly ignorant wall of text.

Exelent post.

To me Star Wars is what George Lucas created, everything else, comics, radio shows, fan created stories, games such as kotor and other spinn-offs are QUASI LORE. This quasi lore is to Star Wars what sarah connor chronicles are to Terminator, what avp is to Alien and predator-movies and so on.

Quasi stuff not really related to the originals. the entire game is Quasi/fake/another version of Star Wars.

There are no real limits on the lore, you could come up with anything like that your character was born inside a star outside this galaxy far far away and that you sprung from a breed of human-droid relationships that learnt how to be force sensitive by reading stars at night. No one could argue with you. Since there are no real valid lore attached to the any of the quasi versions.

I'm a huge SW fan (movies)

Since I´m playing SWTOR, I wanted to do a little research on the old republic, very interesting indeed.

In the past I also encountered names like Ben Skywalker and such so I wondered what happened after the Battle of Endor, the chosen one fullfilling and the Sith destroyed and peace forever.

 

But seriously ***, what idiot (IMO) came up with whatever happened after. Stole this from another website:

 

Stole this from another site:

 

Undoing the Ending of Return of the Jedi

 

Everything had wrapped up nicely at the end of Return of the Jedi. We see the Imperial menace defeated over the forest moon of Endor by the likes of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca the Wookiee and Lando "The Last Black Man in the Galaxy" Calrissian.

 

The Emperor's plan to recruit Luke to the dark side failed, and Darth Vader redeemed himself by dunking the raisin-faced bastard into the reactor core of the Death Star like Lebron James. Vader, electrocuted and hairless--and decidedly not James Earl Jones--died and the Death Star exploded, effectively wiping out the Sith, releasing their chokehold on the Galaxy and infuriating whoever was the lienholder on the destroyed battle station.

 

Simultaneous celebrations were held on countless planets because evidently news travels fast through the infinite expanse of *********** space. Our heroes dance with some teddy bears and the credits roll.

 

Not so fast:

 

That is, the Empire keeps rolling right along, imposing space-tyranny on all who stand in their way.

 

And the thing is, it's hard to argue with the idea.

 

Neither the Emperor nor the Death Star had ever been a threat to the Rebellion, so, you know, **** those first three movies. The Imperials had been able to control the Galaxy without a Death Star for a couple of decades, relying instead on fleet warfare and ground support for good old fashioned genocide. As for the Emperor, does killing the leader of a tyrannical government with a powerful and loyal army immediately end the entire conflict?

 

 

According to the majority of the books and comics set after the original trilogy, with the Emperor gone, there were hundreds of Admirals, Generals and Politicians who vied for control of the Galaxy. Without a universally accepted leader, the Empire spiraled into a civil war.

 

The Rebellion is still, well, a Rebellion, which means it still has to gain victory over the remaining Imperials to win, who are in turn fighting amongst themselves. And so, the Skywalker family, which you may remember as being the entire point of the Star Wars saga, fades into the background as we watch the Rebels continue to fight two different Empires for 20 more years. During that time it's fair to assume billions more people died and trillions more words of poorly written dialog were spoken.

 

 

Cloning the emperor

 

 

Oh, hey, speaking of the dead Emperor, he is dead, right? After all, Darth Vader basically sacrificed himself to kill the man and wipe out this dark threat to The Force for all time.

 

Yes, that sure was a meaningful sacrifice Anakin made to redeem himself and save countless lives.

 

Not so fast...

 

 

Once more, you can see why they did it. You need a villain. And if George Lucas had written the sequel stories, it's hard to believe he wouldn't have done the same, after he contorted every prequel storyline to shoehorn in as many OT characters as he could.

 

In this storyline, Palpatine, secure in his new corporeal digs, proceeds to use a variety of nifty tactics that nearly annihilate the Rebels. The reasons why he waited until after his death to employ these tactics are beyond even the wisest of us.

 

To make things worse, Luke Skywalker, forgetting absolutely everything about his dad's story arc, thought the best way to deal with this threat was by becoming Palpatine's new apprentice. Although he tries to sabotage the Empire's efforts from the inside, he eventually succumbs to the Dark Side, presumably because the temptation of paid vacation and a dental plan proved to be too great.

 

 

After Luke essentially becomes the Sega Genesis to Vader's Master System, Leia comes to her brother's rescue and eventually redeems him (you may remember this as the exact same plot of the original trilogy). Unfortunately it's already too late for most of the galaxy, as the Empire has already managed to decimate entire worlds without a Death Star and is within sight of total victory (evidently "total victory" means "killing every last mother****er in space").

 

Palps is eventually killed by Empatojayos Brand, an ancient Jedi better known as Master Desperate Plot Device, thus ending the crisis and allowing the Dark Empire series to stop wasting our gosh darn time.

 

Adding a bunch of new jedi

 

 

Pretty much the entire point of the original trilogy was that Luke Skywalker, son of Darth Vader, is the last hope for the Jedi Order and the Galaxy. You know, the other Jedi having been ruthlessly hunted down and destroyed by the Empire and all.

 

The only exceptions are Obi Wan, whose force powers seem to have degenerated into keeping an immaculately trimmed beard in the middle of the desert, and Yoda, who seems to have gone so ******* insane that all he can do is talk like Super Grover in cryptic nonsensical jibber-jabber and lift **** out of bogs with his mind.

 

With only these three superpowered individuals left, the future of the Galaxy seems bleak.

 

Not so fast...

 

 

One thing the good guys have to do to deal with the post-Death Star Empire is enlist the help of Jedi. Lots of them. In "sequel" comics like Dark Forces, much of the plot involves enlisting the help of these guys that are just hanging around in remote parts of the galaxy.

 

As it turns out, contrary to popular belief (a term which here means "what the films specifically told us in no uncertain terms"), the Jedi were not entirely wiped out but merely went into hiding. Again, we understand it's not Star Wars without Jedi and you can't wait for an army to be rebuilt from Luke and Leia's inbred children. The writers only had so many options.

 

But are we really to believe that these characters just sat on their fat asses, doing nothing to help while their Jedi brethren were getting thrown in the dumpster? That seems just a little out of character for the Galaxy's "Protectors of Freedom."

 

 

Superweapons That Make the Death Star Look Like a Pile of ****

 

 

All right, so maybe you think we were taking it too far when we said destroying the Death Star(s) didn't really change anything. After all, clearly these weapons were taking the Empire's power to a new level. The Death Stars were to be a planet-destroying game-changer, forever cementing their hold on the galaxy.

 

So if nothing else, taking them out dealt a serious blow to their plans.

 

Not so Fast...

 

Well, in the course of the Extended Universe stories, dozens of other, more powerful superweapons are introduced, some so over-the-top that, in retrospect, taking out the Death Star should've been right below "Remember to take Mittens to the vet" on the Webbel's To-Do List.

 

And some of them get ridiculous. Evidently the Empire set aside a little too much funding for the Board of Unnecessary Destruction.

The Galaxy Gun is a great example.

 

 

Although its name lacks the same pant****-inspiring sound as the Death Star, we are told it is a lot more powerful. It was first used during the reborn Emperor's campaign against the Rebels (see Cloning the Emperor, above), and during its operational history it destroyed more worlds than the Death Star. Making that count at least... two.

 

There is also the Sun Crusher, which we have to admit is the most ****** name ever given to any weapon, ever.

 

 

To sum it up, it basically does what its name suggests, firing a bunch of missiles into a star and causing it to collapse and go supernova, destroying the entire surrounding system by way of make-believe science.

 

Unfortunately, we already saw the planet-busting ultra gun in two out of the three original movies, so you can probably guess how the storylines involving both of these turned out (if you said "the Rebels enact a daring offensive that destroys the weapon," you are correct).

 

Creating a new sith empire:

 

Of course, even though the Emperor comes back and the Empire rises again, the webbels do eventually prevail. Sure, it took a couple of decades after the events of the OT, but we at least know that one day a gray-haired Han Solo and crew got to see their dream of an evilless galaxy come true.

 

Not So Fast...

 

According to the Star Wars Legacy comics, 100 years after the original trilogy, the galaxy has supposedly seen several major wars and enough political maneuvering to turn the franchise into a Tom Clancy novel. During that century, the Rebellion formed into the New Republic and then into the Galactic Alliance, eventually making peace with the Empire and allying with them on several occasions.

 

Luke Skywalker, again demonstrating his complete and total dementia, forgets every single detail about his father's life and builds a new Jedi Order that encourages emotional ties and marriages. Han Solo and Princess Leia have three kids, one of whom turns into a Sith, and Luke has a son with some redhead.

 

 

All of a sudden the Sith reappear. Again.

 

And, again, the Empire declares war on the Galactic Alliance, easily crushing their allied nuts and installing their Sith leader as Emperor of the Galaxy. Again.

 

They go on to lead a surprise attack against the Jedi, killing most of them and forcing the rest into hiding.

 

Again.

 

Meanwhile the scattered remnants of the Alliance begin a guerilla war against their much more powerful adversary while Luke's son, a young Jedi named Skywalker, must use his powerful Force abilities to try and destroy the evil Sith Emperor.

 

 

Our more clever readers may have noticed a small curiosity regarding this storyline: It is, word for word, the exact *********** plot of the entire Star Wars saga. Not just a recycled plot device like a new superweapon (see above), but the whole gosh darn plot.

 

...........

 

What about Darth Maul with robot legs ?

 

The yuuzong vong or something like that, the only thing that is not connected to the force ( all things are? )

i like Cracked.com too

None of it is very well written; yes, even the much vaunted Thrawn Trilogy feels as though a community college English major wrote it. But, I guess that's part of the charm.

I'll let you in on a little secret. Community college classes for the basic subjects like English, Math, etc are no different than the ones taught at Harvard. I know this first hand because I had a trigonometry teacher years ago at a community college that had previously taught math in Ivy League schools. He said he even used the exact same textbook for trig at both the community college and at Princeton. The only difference between students at a community college vs Ivy League is simply money and privilege.

Some of this is uneededly sarcastic and biased. It's not as bad as it makes it out to be. Second, Darth Maul with robot legs is non canon. The Yuuzhan Vong were cut off from the force but this is explained. If you want unbiased I recommend you start with the thrawn series. You may be pleasantly surprised at how good it is.

 

It takes place after the movies and is a good series of novels. It's what got me into the EU. Is the EU always great? No and it does have it's share of problems but a lot of it is actually pretty good.

Exactly.