Thanks everyone.

Your support, comments and enjoyment help a lot.

 

 

 

A few hours after the end of the last post...

 

 

Torian stood watchful and ready at the entrance.

 

I don't say anything to him and he doesn't comment on the blood that's dried onto my armour and drips wet from my wrists; he only looks at the remains of the General's body in fascination as I tie it to our waiting speeders. But I know he wants to ask. I don't know what I will tell him tonight. I guess I still have a few hours till then to think of what to say. And for a few more hours, I can continue thinking he loves me.

 

It will take at least three days ride to get there. But we ride through half the night. We set up camp just over half way there. We eat a silent dinner of rations and all Torian does is stare at me. I don't want to see anything that I know will be there: curiosity, pity, anger, disgust. So I don't see or know of the concern or adoration in them. If I did, I don't think I would know what to do.

 

I stay sitting across from Torian on a thin fallen tree. It's easier to be so isolated. Couldn't keep it together if he was next to me. I let the silent desolation subdue my thoughts and vacuum the irreversible sting of my memories. Because for the first time in a long time, everything the General ever did to me is fresh and raw. Never even felt this bad when it was even happening. And I want this tranquil and stagnant silence to pacify the memories; I want the booming hush of the barren plains to corrode the vivid memory of every sweet word the General ever betrayed. I want it to stop hurting so much even now; even now when I have come so far and I have so much more.

 

Killing her doesn't change anything. Only made me want my revenge so much more. Going to find his children and kill them. All four of them. Though if the the fourth is a traitor, irony of his child working with me is very alluring. No matter what, knowledge will now make my revenge against Havoc Squad that much sweeter. Loving Torian doesn't make me love this galaxy. Don't want my revenge and hatred come at the price of Torian. Not sure which I would choose.

 

'Don't have to talk if you don't want to, Cyare.'

 

I look up and meet Torian's eye for the first time. And I can't do it for long.

 

'I'll talk if you want to hear it.' Don't want to tell him anything he might not want to hear. Feel I can tell him what I learnt as dispassionately as I had back then as the serenity of the night calms me. Because I won't forgive myself if I cry right now. I want to keep the vow I made then and never cry over the General. Because maybe if it never shows, maybe if it can never be seen or heard, then just maybe, the sorrow and misery won't be real.

 

'Her husband was him.' I look at Torian sharply. Forget the kid's got a brain sometimes. I smile a little at the way he avoided saying any names. And the way he makes a question always sound like a statement. Think the later will always make me smile.

 

But I can only smile, nod my head and tap the side of my nose. Spot on.

 

'Then you don't need to say anymore, Cyare,' is his steady reply. Not sure how to take that. I tilt my head as if the slanted view will offer an answer that would otherwise be unseen. He only shrugs and continues to stare at me intensely.

 

He continues after the pause. 'Have some questions though. Don't have to answer,' he adds a little hastily. I don't assent or refuse. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his lips twitch. 'Can ask me something in return, if you want.'

I give the 'ok' but he takes a while to speak again. I soak in the silent night and dread the words that will break this silence. Because I'm scared he will take back everything he told me only last night.

 

'Did you know about her?'

 

'That old hag?' I motion to the dead body still tied to the speeder a few metres away. He nods his head. I open my mouth to say I always did but close it again quickly. Feel Torian wants more than a simple 'yes' or 'no'.

 

'Before the change, I didn't really. Guess I should of. But it was just like his... wife,' the word chokes in my throat and has to be spat out, 'said. He was so very charismatic and handsome. I think I thought of the possibility but I was a selfish girl and didn't care at all. Gave me sweet words, shelter, a blaster and the ability to use it. What would it of mattered if he had a wife?' I shake my head. I'm still selfish. Only difference is now I can get what I want and need without the help of others.

 

I continue on and I'm satisfied to hear how indifferent I sound; the voice of a woman talking of another's misfortunes. 'He was more than a little quick to tell me during the change about all the other women. And after, he would return to our room and tell me all about the women he just ****ed and how pathetic and ugly his wife was. On those nights, he wouldn't touch me because he wanted me to feel the full force of how ugly I was.' And as much as I hate myself for it, those nights were the hardest. But I won't tell Torian that. He doesn't need to know.

Torian doesn't move from his seat. And I don't move from where I am. I can't look at him either. So I miss the shaking of his body and the constant clenching of his fists. I can only hate myself for talking to Torian of this.

 

'Is that enough of an answer?' I look at him out of the corner of my eye, only to see him nod. 'Good. It's your turn again.'

 

'Did killing her make you feel better?' The question seems to come from the silence and not him. Guess it's something a part of me is always asking.

 

'Yes.' He looks at me levelly and I don't see any judgement in them. 'Was like killing him all over again. Felt so very good.' Can't say any more than that . Feeling of satisfaction is hard to explain. Torian only nods. 'Does it make you not... care for me?' I can't say love. The word catches in my throat and makes me too self conscious.

 

'Never, Cyare. Could never not love you.' He seems to begin to move to me but stops and doesn't. Only want him to put his arms around me. But the words are enough. They ease my worry and almost make me smile.

 

I look at him indirectly and see all the differences between Torian and the General. Prefer Torian's serious expression and his messy blonde hair to the General's airy smiles and neat, dark hair; prefer Torian's clear blue eyes and his taller, tanned well-developed body to the General's dark green eyes and lean body. And I prefer Torian's small smiles and heartfelt grins to the General's disgusting charade. Torian's everything I thought I'd never have.

 

After a pause he continues: 'did you ever feel jealous of her despite knowing how much he hated her?' There's a bitter edge in Torian's voice and despite knowing he somehow loves me, I can't imagine it coming from envy of the dead General.

 

'Yes.' He flinches as if I had hit him. 'I was envious of the fact that she was out there, away from him so often and I was stuck with him with no alternative but death. Was jealous that they only ever got to see the handsome, charming him and I was stuck with the real and hideous thing he was.' My blades come out and I look at them dispassionately. 'And I hated her freedom to leave him yet her weakness in never doing so.' I pause and then quietly whisper the thoughts of a weak and pathetic woman that I hate. 'Sometimes, death seemed like the better option.'

 

I shake my head and some hair falls into my hair. I impatiently push it back. Have stopped slicking my hair even for most battles. Torian seemed to like it more out. Getting long enough I can tie it back.

 

I twist my face into a smirk and stretch an arm. 'Why do you ask, Torian? Jealous of the dead ex?' I'm teasing him like I used to. And I only thought it was hurting me.

 

'Yes.' The answer is sharp and angry. I look at him curiously and he doesn't meet my eye.

 

'Really?' is all I can manage in reply. Didn't expect that answer. Know he wouldn't lie. Only lied to me once and it was a weak, flirtatious thing. Emotion in his voice belies any falsehood.

 

'Yes.' He comes to kneel in front of me, his eyes level with mine as I sit on a low fallen tree. He takes my hands in his and I notice my blades cut his hands. He only holds my hands tighter. 'Wish you were only ever mine. Wish you love me as much as you loved him.' Torian looks away at the end.

 

I laugh and he lets go of my hands. Have to laugh. His sweet words make me too happy. I retract the blades and I take his face in my hands and kiss him gently, smiling against his lips. Move one hand into his hair behind his ear and marvel at the way I'm touching something I've wanted for so long. Been weeks and I still feel blissful disbelief at this good thing that I have somehow been given.

 

'Vaabir nayc chaabar, ner cadur.' Do not fear, I mumble against his lips. 'Wasn't really love. Killed him for a reason and would always do it again and again.' I make him look me in the eye. I can still see doubt in them.

 

'I love you, Torian. What I felt for that shabuir was nothing. You're a better man then he could of ever been. I don't deserve you, ner manda.' When he doesn't respond I have nothing else left to say but 'ori'haat.'

 

He smiles in reply and pulls me closer. He just holds me and as slowly as his warmth begins to burn me, my happiness which flickered and waned only a few hours ago returns to life.

 

He pulls way and kisses my lips and cheek. Even when his lips leave I still feel a warm burn and resist touching my cheek.

 

He chuckles lightly and hides the smile behind a hand. 'Need to get some sleep if we want to make it back by tomorrow night. Want to take first watch, Cyare?' I nod and he gently pushes me off his lap, kissing my forehead before standing and then heads to our tent. He stops in the door way and turns to look at me.

 

'I love you, Cyare.' He doesn't raise his voice but it carries to me clearly.

 

And then he disappears inside. I don't swap watches with him. So I don't see him till an hour before dawn. I only stay awake through the night and allow myself these happy, dark hours which I can only smile through.

Torian is such a rock. Love him

Torian is such a rock. Love him

 

Om nom nom Torian. I logged in to my BH the other day and just sat on the Fleet, clicking him over and over again, cus lol dat voice. @.@

Edited November 18, 2012 by MilaniGrey

And since you can never have enough Torian, here's another Torian filled passage.

 

Not long yet kind of directly after the last post...

 

 

We ride to the Ambassador's office at dawn and make it there just after the suns have set. He is quick in our transaction and almost gives me praise. He does give me bonus credits. That's enough. It's better than praise. I don't care for his approval. I didn't do this for him.

 

When we return to the ship, everyone comes from there different corners to meet me in the cockpit. Take it as a sign they're all getting along as wonderfully as usual. But I don't acknowledge Gault, Skadge or even Blizz. I give my attention to Mako only in a way I have never done before, even when it was only her and me.

 

'Mako, I have a new assignment for you. I need you to find everything you can on that General, her four children - yes, Mako, there are four. I have a special interest in the one that will be hardest to find - and her grandchildren. I want it all within three days. If you give it to me in less than three days expect a massive bonus. Though I am aware that to date you owe me two favours and twenty three life debts.'

 

Mako is slow to respond. She only stares with those gosh darn big brown eyes and processes these new orders. 'So what if my search takes me to confidential places?'

 

'Then I want you to get into them and get everything you can. Or is that too hard for you?' She shakes her head. 'Good. Any other dumb questions?'

 

'What if people notice and come knocking?' She replies after thinking about it seriously.

 

'Then we do what we always do. We kill them.' I pause and place gravity on my next words. 'I want the information, Mako, and I don't care what the gosh darn cost is.'

 

She nods her head and glances questioningly at Torian. He doesn't move or make any response. She turns her eyes back to me and I raise an eyebrow. She seems to gather some courage from somewhere and raises her slim and unintimidating form to its full height. 'I will get it by the end of tomorrow if you help me in return with a favour.'

 

I consider her for a moment. Seems she's grown somehow. Hasn't become someone I like but I'm impressed she questioned me instead of shaking and running away. 'It's the favour or the bonus then, Mako. And only if you get everything, and I mean everything, no matter how small and insignificant.'

 

She nods her head. 'Favour, then.' After she names her price, I don't look at her again for the rest of the night.

 

I turn to look at Blizz and smile. 'How you going, Blizz? Missed you, little buddy. Got you something.' I pull a cloth out of my pocket and throw it gently to Blizz who catches it easily. Notice Mako's glare at Blizz and Gault's scowl at me. 'Another present for you. One of the crystals from the Shrine of Healing. Thought you might like that.' He nods and says thank you and the walks away looking at it fascination.

 

'Gault, Skadge, I have nothing to say to either of you.' I pause for a moment, raising a hand to stop them leaving. 'However, in light of our recent success and the Chancellor and Jedi within reach, I have deemed it worthy to have a celebration tonight. Party in the cargo hold in ten minutes.' Gault lets out a mocking and unenthused cheer, Skadge grunts, Mako and Torian smile.

 

'Anyone have any questions?' I look at everyone with a stern eye that discourages any questions.

 

Gault steps forward and gives a sarcastic salute. 'What's on the agenda now, Captain? Except for the Mando, that is, and the rest of us drinking ourselves to oblivion.'

 

Torian doesn't move toward Gault and that surprises me. Thought the comment would finally bring them to blows. I glance at Torian and only see a calculating frown. Gault glances at him to and seems disappointed by the lack of reaction.

 

When I realise Torian isn't going to say anything, I respond to Gault's question ignoring the second half. 'Don't know. Tormen hasn't contacted us yet so it's free time. Use it play on whatever world you want. Controls are all yours.' Torian shoots me a frown and Gault stares at me incredulously for a moment but it quickly passes. And I in the falter of his mocking grin, I see that he knows something happened down on Voss. And that he sees just how tired and troubled I am.

 

'Nar Shaddaa it is then, babe.' He declares and saunters over to the controls next to Mako. Mako puts up protest but I shoot her a glare and tell her it's Gault's choice. Glad I hadn't killed her and I won't until she gets me the information I need. I could do it but it would take a lot of time that I don't have.

 

'But if you get me what I want, we'll go where you want to go for a change. But only if I have it in three days.' She beams and I can tell she's already imagining which place on a long list she wants to go to most. Know she won't be tempted to do it half arse with so much at stake.

 

I leave them with a reminder to be down stairs in ten minutes.

 

Gault stops me on the stairs at my rooms door. 'You've been gone awhile. Fancy a drink sometime soon, babe? I've got a few things to talk to you about.'

 

'Not another business proposition, is it?' I manage a smile but I know he doesn't buy it. He saunters up the stairs to stand closer to me.

 

'Not unless you've got something you're selling.' Only Gault could try mocking me and proposing I become a whore as a way of flirting.

 

'Yeah, got a Devaronian for sale actually. Can work well when motivated but usually spends more than it earns. Also has a habit of being rude, untrustworthy and manipulative. Don't know how I'm ever going to sell him.' I smirk back at him and move away.

 

'Really? A Devaronian? Interesting because I remember seeing the body of a really famous and handsome one on the market a few months ago. Made my heart bleed to see such a fine fellow sold to the highest bidder after his death.'

 

'I'm sure if the sly Devaronian knew he wouldn't be very sad about it. Maybe if I killed mine, I'd be able to sell him.' I extent a blade from my wrist and look at it in consideration. But Gault still moves closer again and I'm intrigued by his pursuit.

 

'Only sly? He doesn't mean something more to you or deserve kinder words?' Like to think there's nothing under the mocking sneer.

 

I laugh again and jump up to sit on the railing of the stairs to gain the height advantage over Gault. 'Didn't know him so I couldn't say. Reputation has it that he can escape from any where and no one could resist him, yet I find that very hard to believe since it was a female bounty hunter that brought him down.'

 

'Maybe that bounty hunter was a little different and a little more persistent then most.'

 

'Women or bounty hunters?' Gault laughs and says 'both'. Never heard him laugh very much. Really laugh that is. Always seems to be a forced, unhappy thing that sneers at himself as much as it does at the other person.

 

'You can say what you think of the Devaronian you have in your possession now if you want. I'm not sure he'd want to leave such a beautiful woman, though and feel heart broken if he knew you were thinking of selling him.'

 

'Not if he was getting a share of the profits,' I retort. 'And I'd be more than happy to get him off my hands.'

 

I jump down and just walk into my room and close the door, leaving him to call after me. Think that was Gault's way of telling me he missed me and is worried about me. Never know with him though. And it might just be from withdrawal of female company for the month we have been on Voss.

 

I slide down against the closed door and pull my knees to my chest. I lean my ear and face against the cool steel. I touch the door with my hand and notice how it does feel cool. I must be heating up.

 

It was only sitting against the door like that that allowed me to hear the conversation that occurred outside it. If I had gone and taken my serum like I new I had to, I would have only heard curious clangs. Not sure if hearing it was the better option.

 

'Oh, my favourite Mandalorian. How are you? How was trekking the wilds of Voss with our mighty Captain?' I hear Torian's footsteps get louder and assume he's walking to the door. 'I'm so sorry, arue'tal, I must be in your way,' Gault says with exaggerated courtesy.

 

Noises I hear next are confusing. When they die, I hear Gault's breathless and mocking voice is slightly to the left. 'Most people greet each other with a handshake or a kiss, though to be honest, I prefer you strangling me to the later.'

 

Torian ignores Gault's comments. 'Over heard the little conversation you just had with her, Lokai. Thought I told you back on Nar Shaddaa last month to keep your thoughts and hands to yourself.'

 

'And I thought I told you I'll stay and do what I want as long as she wants me. Didn't hear a no just then, did you, kid?' Gault's voice is a little ragged like he's having trouble breathing. I hear a sharp bang and Gault say 'ow'. But when he talks again it's firm and serious. 'I thought I told you not to hurt her, Mandalorian.'

 

I hear another bang and Gault's feet stumble. 'Didn't hurt her, Devaronian. Not like you. I would never hurt the woman I love.'

 

'Ooo, you're going to cut someone with that tongue if you're not careful, arue'tal.' Find it interesting that Gault has adopted the Mandalorian insult. Never heard him use it before but by the way Torian doesn't challenge it, I assume this isn't the first time. Wonder how many of these conversations have taken place before. 'Or maybe you have already and that's why she doesn't seem like the same person that left the ship a week ago all smiles and ease or like the gorgeous, crazy thing I met on Tatooine.'

 

'Why do you care, Lokai?' Even through a steel door, I can hear the anger in Torian's voice.

 

Gault doesn't reply. Think it's the first time he hasn't had an easy answer for something. So the silence lengthens and I wish I could see the two men on the other side of the door. Conversation's very enlightening.

 

'I think you're confused, kid, because my name isn't Lokai - it's Gault.'

 

'Do you love her, Devaronian?' Torian ignores the comment but I notice the name change. Gault only laughs and Torian continues. 'Seen how you look at her when she isn't looking. Seen the way you wrapped blankets around her when she was sleeping. Seen the way you pretend to not care and disobey but go and follow her orders when no one is looking. Seen how when you fight with her, you're quick to cover her and protect her. Seen how you try to impress her.'

 

'You see a lot for someone pretty blind, Mandalorian.'

 

'You're one to talk. She doesn't like you, Gault. Never will. Told me herself.' Can hear the victory and satisfaction in Torian's voice and the strength of his suspicions now make a lot more sense.

 

Gault only laughs. 'You know, victorious Mandalorian, you have hurt her: you just couldn't see it because you were off playing the brave soldier. Do you want to know what she was like after you walked out?'

 

I hear a bang and Gault's sharp intake of breath along with Torian footsteps. 'Didn't walk out. Came back for her.'

 

'Do you think that makes a difference, kid? You left, arue'tal, and you seem blind to the fact that when you left, you took the best part of her with you. In those weeks, when she wasn't slaughtering everything in sight, she trained for hours or locked herself in her room doing god knows what. Except for the nights when being alone was too much and you know who she went to for comfort? She came to good old Uncle Gault.'

 

Torian doesn't speak but he must tighten his grip on Gault because the next words come out of a strained throat. 'I was the one who watched her work herself to near death. I was the one who watched her waste away as she starved herself. So don't think, kid, that you have never hurt her; don't think that you're the one protecting her.'

 

'Guess you'd know everything on failing to protect people, Lokai.' Torian must turn and walk away because his footsteps before pausing on Gault's reply become a little quieter.

 

'Ouch, Mandalorian, that one really hurt.' Gault's voice oozes sarcasm and it makes me smile. 'Don't you wonder what is in those datapads she reads or the locked chest?' Gault pauses and then continues after taking a step closer to Torian. 'Don't you wonder, little Mandalorian, what she thinks about and what she does behind closed doors? What she is doing right now?' Gault pauses and takes a step. 'Don't you wonder about what she clearly isn't telling you?' I hear him take another two steps. 'Don't you wonder what she really is?'

 

'No.'

 

'No? I find that hard to believe, arue'tal. Or maybe you're so busy watching me that you don't notice anything about her.' Gault pauses again and Torian continues to walk away. By the sounds of it, they are almost at the holoterminal. 'Or maybe the brave, little Mandalorian is scared of what he might see.'

 

I hear Torian's footsteps moving quickly to where Gault must be standing. And then I hear what must Gault's lighter body hitting the ground. I hear the same jumble of movements and the bang of something hitting the ships wall.

 

'No is because I trust her.' I hear another bang and Gault's snicker.

 

'You know, if you keep getting so close to me like this every time we have these pleasant little chats, Cadera, I'm going to start thinking you have a little thing for me.'

 

I hear what I think is Torian pushing Gault away because something bangs against the door and when Gault calls to Torian, his voice seems louder and closer.

 

'If you trust her so much then, Torian, you won't mind if her and I go to a nice cantina tomorrow night on the Promenade and have a few drinks together in a dark, empty corner.'

 

Torian's footwork is light and quick as he sprints to Gault. I hear what I assume is Torian punching Gault.

 

'Nice swing, Mandalorian. Did she teach you that?'

 

I hear Gault's horns create the bang sound against the door. 'Touch her, hurt her or upset her in any way and I will make you pay.'

 

'Pay? How much? I was thinking first base might be around eighty credits.' I hear another sharp bang and Gault's mocking laughter. 'Do you really think, kid, that anything you could do would hurt more than anything she could do?'

 

'No. But I'm willing to try, Lokai.'

 

'Hey, what are you two doing?' Mako's voice is high and grating as she enquires and I feel like a spell that had kept me in place is broken. I shake my head and head to the cupboard, quickly injecting some serum.

Mako knocks on the door and I pack everything away, locking it before leaving.

 

Mako has news to tell me about. And she wants me to be there when she messages this Isak fellow. He's caught up in the Project 32 that involves her and her family. The call goes rather well. I think I was 'imposing' enough. He is going to go take Coral out. Apparently Coral had set us up, back on Drumond Kaas. And she was killing everyone involved in Mako's Project 32.

 

At least Mako got one answer.

 

No one looked for her because they believed her dead for twenty years. Makes me wonder if I have parents thinking I'm dead. I doubt they would have recognised me from my wanted pictures. I doubt they would care if they did. Suppose I wouldn't be something to be proud of. And I can't remember their faces. Could pass them in the street every day and I really wouldn't know. So I doubt they would recognise what is left of mine.

 

But Mako wants more answers. She isn't someone to sit and wait for a call. She wants us to go to Nar Shaddaa and confront Coral. I shrug but don't make a promise. Just because I stood around while she talked to some guy doesn't make us friends. And I don't owe her any favours. Just because we'll be there by morning, doesn't mean we're going to find and kill her sister. And it seems I have a date tomorrow night with Gault.

 

Gault, Torian and Blizz are already downstairs drinking. Torian only looks and talks to Blizz as Gault sits a distance away, genuinely seeming to be in his own thoughts. I smirk when I see the large dark purple bruise on Gault's jaw.

 

I take a place next to Torian and Mako sits even further away from us than Gault. But, like usual, a conversation is found. But Torian and I are silent after a while. We just listen and I laugh with others. But Torian seems silent and I wonder if he's thinking of what Gault said. Resolved to not think about it till later. Conversation was interesting but disturbing.

 

Eventually, he is the first to talk. He leans in to my ear a little and whispers clearly, 'didn't I promise to teach you Mando'a?' He looks away in mock consideration, thinking of the last time we had private lessons. It has been a while. A week I think. Not many opportunities when out on the field. Well, there are. It's just you don't want the native wildlife to catch you with your pants down. It's not how I want to die, at least.

 

'Seems I've been neglecting you,' he continues.

 

The others generally ignore us and continue talking, not quite hearing but feeling more than enough to know. And I'm aware that Torian's eyes are out of my sight and I think I know who they are watching. 'Oh really? I thought I could already speak Mando'a, nayc vor'e bah gar.' No thanks to you.

 

He leans back a little so we can see each other's faces. 'You call that Mando'a? I've heard ade speak Mando'a better.' He grins. He is teasing though it might be true. Doubt it, though. 'I ought to remedy that.'

 

'Well, then, why don't you make it up to me now? Since you have been neglecting me pretty badly.' I move my hand to his thigh, leaning closer.

 

'I think I will. Let's go somewhere more private. It's pretty urgent.'

 

I smile and nod. We slip away. We don't say anything. And they don't ask. I don't think they want to know.

 

After, we lie awake awhile. I am happy curled in his arms; a mess of limbs and sheets.

 

'You really are beautiful. Ori'haat.' He lifts my face up to meet his. He never lies. Never thought I'd meet an honest man. It's still a strange thing to me. 'You know that?' I don't say anything. I don't want to lie. So I distract him.

In between kisses he mumbles, 'I could get used to this.' I smile against his lips.

 

'K'uur, ner verd.'

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

Om nom nom Torian fade to black.. om nom..

This tracking down of children and grandchildren has me curious/worried about how far she'll go. Cause she's capable of anything and certainly motivated enough.

 

Torian and Gault - made me chuckle. Ooo those two hate each other so good, lol.

 

and FTB eeek!!

Om nom nom Torian fade to black.. om nom..

This tracking down of children and grandchildren has me curious/worried about how far she'll go. Cause she's capable of anything and certainly motivated enough.

Just have to see

 

Torian and Gault - made me chuckle. Ooo those two hate each other so good, lol.

I like them hating each other. It's fun to write

I'm glad it made you chuckle

 

 

-----

 

On Nar Shaddaa the next day...(or there abouts)

 

 

 

My conversation with the Sith is quick.

 

Tormen wants me back on the Tyrant to talk about the assault on the Chancellor and Jedi. We set course. It will take two days to arrive on the Tyrant but we'll have to spend a few hours here on Nar Shaddaa to refuel. Don't pay attention to Gault's complaints and even less to Mako's strange glee. Know there's something wrong with someone when they'd rather be in the middle of an Imperial fleet on a Sith's ship than be on a lot better and safer planet.

 

Hardly feel the burn of Torian's hand as he takes mine in his and leads me to our room. Because I have a feeling I am soon going home again: to Corellia. And that steals all other thoughts from my mind.

 

 

 

Ten or so hours later on the way to the Tyrant...

 

Gault and I are drinking like the old days. It feels kind of good. Almost forget how complicated things have gotten. Mako gave me half the information before. Haven't looked at it yet. She has two more days. Since Tormen called, we didn't spend more than two hours on Nar Shaddaa to fill up on fuel. Gault wasn't impressed. Moved our drinking to his room since where we used to is now Skadge's stink hole.

 

Gault sits on his bed, his back against the wall and his eyes on the blank wall across from him: I stare over the bed and his legs to the doorway and Mako's opposite closed door. Only been an hour and we've both made our way through two bottles of wine and Gault still hasn't mentioned what he wanted to talk to me about.

 

Torian wasn't happy when I told him I was going to drink with Gault. Didn't press it though. Know he'd never try and make me do anything. Smile at the memory of only an hour ago.

 

'Can't give you a better offer?' It feels nice to feel him brush my hair back behind my ear. He tries to stare intently into my eyes but it isn't his eyes I am looking at. When his fingers move to my chin and slowly raise my gaze from his bare torso, I smile a little.

 

'I'm sure you could, ner manda.' I take his hand in mine and move it away from my cheek. 'But I did cut his Nar Shaddaa vacation short.' Think I see part of a retort he doesn't want to say: I laugh and reply to it. 'I know I don't owe him anything. You have no reason to worry unless I come back with eighty more credits.'

 

His gentle smile shifts to his usual frown and it only makes me laugh a little more. 'Heard then?'

 

Never laugh this much except for when I'm with him. 'Think everyone heard it, Torian' He looks away from me. Know he only did it to protect my precious honour. 'If you don't want me to hear another one of your bonding sessions, I suggest not doing it outside my room.'

 

His lips twitch but he doesn't look at me. I gently turn his face to me, my fingers lightly pressing on his cheek. His skin warms them so quickly I could almost mistake it for my own warmth. 'Don't let him get to you, jate Torian.' I kiss his frowning lips gently and press my forehead against his, my legs straining to keep my feet on tip toe. 'Did like you defending my ijaat though.'

 

He smiles a little and tightens his grip on my hand. 'Any time, Cyare. Ratiin.' Still feel the same thrill as his lips press against mine. Really do love the honourable man in arms. Don't think I could ever get used to something so impossibly breathtaking.

 

I move away laughing, saying Gault's waiting for me. Stop at the doorway and look back at him as he stands where I left him. I throw him a smile. Extend my blade and hold it up, letting our dim lights shine on the surface. 'Just remember to occasionally save some for me.'

 

'You heard of someone called Hylo Visz?'

 

Gault's voice brings me out of the ending memory and I wish I as upstairs with my sleeping Mando'ad. My smile is a twitch at the corners. When Gault says her name to me, there is still the love I hear in his mumbled dreams.

 

'Yeah, she broke the Mando'ad blockade at Hydian Wyde. She sounded like my kind of woman.'

 

Gault raises a ridge of skin that I assume is the equivalent to an eyebrow and smirks at me. 'Mando'ad, eh? I see he is managing to turn my ruthless individual killer into a good little team member after all.' I raise a sceptical eyebrow at being called his.

 

The movement only makes his sneer wider and he continues. 'This wasn't what I meant when I said you made a lot of new friends. If I knew you were looking for a friend like that I would have offered my services a lot earlier.'

 

I sharply dig my elbow into his stomach and he winces and say he made the offer as soon as we met and hasn't stopped since. Think I hit the same place where Torian had. But he forgets about his teasing and smiles a little as he thinks of something far away, never responding to my comment. 'But yeah. She was quite the woman. We made that run together.'

 

I look at him like he was the new attraction at a circus and I'd never seen anything like it before. Knew immediately from the way he says her name. I want to know where this going. And I want to meet the woman that makes Gault turn into a real person. Guess if I could meet her, Gault wouldn't be here.

 

'She dropped off the radar shortly after we made the run. People think that the Hutt's were behind her disappearance but anyone who knew her knows that they would have a better chance winning a marathon.' He sighs and I think this is the first time I've seen Gault look at someone other than his own reflection with admiration and respect. 'No. She's still out there... somewhere.'

 

I punch Gault's shoulder a little. 'Never thought you would be love struck.'

 

He looks at me intently and searchingly for a second and then shrugs his shoulders, looking back to the wall. Don't think he found whatever he had looked for. 'Yeah, well. As I said, blockade was the last thing we ever did together. And there were so many credits involved.' I sneer a little. I think I know where this is going. Gault's choice between probably the only woman that could ever love him and a bag of credits? I would place my bets on the credits. Every. Time.

 

'When I saw the opportunity, I took off and left Hylo holding the bag. Stupid.' Gault rests his head back on the wall and it makes the same bang I had heard only a day ago. Little ironic.

 

Wonder how long Gault has hated himself this much for something so long ago. Guess we all have something in ourselves or past that we hate. Can never really bury or kill them; they follow us as ghosts - dark flickers in our vision; they stalk as like rakghouls as they grow and change into something vile and ugly that could never of once been a human. Can't kill a phantom and if you get too close to the rakghoul it only twists you into its own image.

 

'So you double-crossed your own girlfriend. Can't say I'm even slightly surprised.'

 

'Yeah, well, we aren't all trusty little blonde kids. And besides, when I double crossed her she wasn't my girlfriend...'

 

'Keep telling yourself that for another twenty years. See how it goes. Aren't you the one that told me to stop pretending even though it's easier? Seems you were talking about yourself more than me.' Yes, I did have my suspicions that there was a story like this behind Gault. And I know what I say now is true. Guess we've all got pasts. Some are just worse than others.

 

'Everyone has something they would leave someone else behind for. Mine just happened to be my own skin.' Words hit me cold and hard. Can't reply to him and I don't think Gault expects one. Not sure he's even entirely aware I'm here. His bottle is slipping from his hand.

 

Gault would leave anyone to save himself. Surprised it is himself and not credits that would do it. Guess it explains why he hasn't tried to collect my bounty. Sneer a little at myself. Should give him more credit. He's too smart to try when I could kill him in a second.

 

Blizz would leave us for his treasures and his old friends. Mako would leave everything to have a family. Torain would leave me for war and his brothers. Want to think there's nothing I would leave Torian for. But I don't there could be a bigger lie. I know what it is and I know it too well. I leave even myself behind when it comes to that.

 

Gault continues after the pause, repeating the same excuses he's probably upheld since the moment he turned and ran. 'I was young and naive...' Not the only one that has that complaint.

 

'And maybe a little afraid of commitment.' I chuckle at Gault. I think his mistake more stems from the latter than the former. Can't imagine Gault in a home on some planet like Ord Mantell with a family and a relatively honest job.

 

'I didn't know what I lost until it was gone.'

 

Can't laugh at that. Can't say I feel that sorry for him either. I think of almost losing Torian: how cold he was and the gun that as pointed at his head. Has one aimed for it every day yet that was so much different.

 

But even more than that, I think of my freedom. The freedom they stole from me for nine long years. And all the years of life that are still being taken from me. Could spent every hour of every day until my last looking for a new serum to work I wouldn't find one. Isn't stopping me from trying.

 

Know I need to tell Torian. Know letting him love me when I'm only going to hurt him is selfish and wrong. But I can't stop. Because it feels too good.

 

Gault has an associate he's been in contact with that is now looking for her for him. I really hope he finds her. Though I think she would be far from happy to see him. Don't think anyone has ever been happy to see Gault. And it seems everyone has people they want to find.

 

I found the person I didn't know I had been looking for. And after I get up and say good night to Gault, I return to his strong, warm arms. I only have people I know I'm looking for left. I'm so close to two of them.

 

'So what did the Devaronian have to say?' Torian whispers in my ear. Can tell he's been awake this whole time.

 

'Nothing that involved any credits.' Torian's arms tighten around me and I know I shouldn't tease him so much. 'Said a few things.' I reply again after a silence.

 

'When doesn't he?' I laugh quietly. Don't think a ship could be filled with people more different from each other. 'What were they?' Torian continues after a pause.

 

'Nosey, aren't we?' I don't need to see Torian's face to know he's frowning. 'Not my secrets to share, Torian. Don't think he'd want everyone to know there's a feeling thing under all that sleaze. Be like seeing a clean, slime free Hutt. It's not natural.' I shiver at my own imagery and clench my fists as my thoughts go to Jemba.

 

'Fair enough.'

 

'Relax, Torian. He's leaving us soon.' Don't mean to say it. Just want Torian to stop worrying.

Torian freezes and finally says 'ori'haat?'

 

'Ori'haat. He's got someone he wants to go see.' Don't need to turn and look at him to know he's feeling victorious. Only hope Gault really is leaving now. Guess we'll see in a few weeks.

Edited November 22, 2012 by EverSteam

Gault is on my list of favorite characters. Unexpected depths there

On arrival at the Tyrant...

 

 

When we arrive, a lackey is on the ships holo terminal. He is in gun fire and I'm assuming is the new Captain. He asks if I'm the Lord's bounty hunter. I killed the last lackey that asked dumb questions. Might just do the same again.

 

'I'm not his anything.'

 

'Then consider this just an urgent request.' They have been boarded by the Republic. He wants help. Typical. Suppose I can help. After all, I wanted to blow up the ship myself. I don't want someone else to have all the fun. Especially the Republic.

 

'Now or never.' Torian shrugs. Sometimes, he is extremely nonchalant about what we do.

 

'Strap in. It's going to be a rough landing,' I reply with a weary sigh. They head to the cockpit and take their seats.

 

'Business as usual then,' Gault comments to me as we walk the short distance. I glare in return but it turns to a smirk. Funniest jokes are always the truest.

 

We prepare to board the Tyrant again. For hopefully not the last time.

 

 

-----

 

Few hours later...

 

 

When we fight to the bridge, it isn't over.

 

Reinforcements are on the incoming. Again and again and again. We make shortish work of them. Torian gets beaten up pretty bad. I don't let him see my injuries. I don't want to see my injuries. I don't want to think about what would happen if it went to deep. I don't know what's in there, let alone how I could fix it.

 

I can stand. And walk. I can pretend. It's easier. I don't want the kid to know I'm not immortal. I don't want to know I'm not immortal. Not yet.

 

More arrive. I gun them down quickly. No more games. This is serious. But Darth Tormen arrives and Torian stands straighter. Smart. The Sith finishes them off with a dramatic force wave. Then he turns to one of his underlings. He kills him and the other two survivors. Take a while to replace his entire crew. Wonder how he's going to pilot the ship until then.

 

'I have you to thank for a ship, I suppose,' Tormen says in a haughty manner.

 

I nod. 'Yeah. Your welcome. I expect compensation.'

 

He will give me the Captain's wages. Enough, I suppose. Darth Tormen has a long and complicated plan to get to the Chancellor. It seems full of holes. Jedi and Sith seem to never like the easy paths. It's never just find them and shoot them. Always has to be complicated and involve plenty more deaths and destruction to come to the same result. Don't care about the more deaths and destruction, only the time it takes.

 

They have location of the Chancellor and Master Jun Seros. But first he wants me to win a victory for him in that planets war and secure his own power. Seems little Tormen wants to play with the big kids on the Dark Council.

 

I am returning home. To Corellia. Maybe I will die there after all.

 

-----

 

 

In hyperspace very close to Nar Shaddaa...

 

 

We are to arrive on Corellia in two weeks. We are stopping off at Nar Shaddaa first for Mako. She gave me the information in two days. Instead of the holiday and credits, she wants us to confront her sister. Don't mind. Saves me a lot of credits.

 

'Heard from Mandalore lately?' Torian calls from the other side of the cockpit where he leans against the wall, watching me work. I concentrate in fixing another broken panel and wires in the cockpit.

 

'Hasn't contacted me since after you came aboard,' I say as I don't turn around and continue binding one wire to another. I pause and think of something horrible to say. But I don't. Know making a joke about Mandalore and Jicoln would see me sleeping alone tonight. He hasn't changed that way; still stakes everything Mando seriously. Really is manda. Think if he had to choose between me and anything Mandalorian, I would always come second. Surprisingly don't mind that much. Strangely love him for his devotion to it.

 

'A little strange he didn't contact me after the casino incident. Hard to be part of an elite bounty hunting club when it's only me and him.' I quickly look over my shoulder at him and smile. 'Will need new recruits. Another Great Hunt might be earlier than usual. I know if you entered you would win. Planning too still?'

 

'Yes. Hope this war doesn't get in the way.' I smile at the wires and I'm rewarded for my musings by a sharp zap on my fingers that quickly channels through my body. My vision flickers and reminds me I shouldn't be so careless as to not wear gloves. Would be easier if the just gave me rubber skin. Would help in fights too. I shake my head at such musings. Know I don't want that.

 

'Know Mandalore's letting you do your thing... you're still blood though.'

 

Like how he says my own thing to encapsulate what I'm doing. Know Mandalore wouldn't be able to stop me from doing what I wanted. But I won't let Torian know that. Gault was right: I really am becoming a Mando'ad somehow. Pretending is beginning to turn into feeling.

 

'I know. Aliit ori'shya tal'din, right?' I turn around and lean against the wall next to the open compartment. I wipe my hands on my pants. He smiles and that soft look is in his eyes. Seems speaking Mando'a is never going to get old for him. I smirk and before I can stop myself I am speaking. 'Still scared my big daddy will come and give you a talking to for touching his little girl?'

 

Torian frowns at me and I can only laugh. 'Sorry, Torian. Shouldn't tease you like that. Will make it up to you later.' I walk over to him and I kiss him gently. 'You know, last time I did hear from him, he did mentioned you.'

 

Torian stands still and waits for me to continue. I enjoy watching him frozen for a few moments more. ''Take care of him. He's got a legacy to carry on', were his exact words.' I kiss his cheek lightly and smile. 'Don't need to worry about him, ner Torian. Don't think this was what he had in mind though when he said to take care of you.'

 

'Prefer you looking after me this way. Always hoped it would be like this.' He kisses me but his lips can't cover my smirk. Guess it's habit that keeps me doubting.

 

'Would like to meet him,' he says again after a while. I smile as he kisses me again. I don't tell him I have no interest in meeting him again. Didn't take a liking to him then and silence hasn't calmed my dislike.

 

'Guess I could play the 'daddy's most accomplished daughter' card.' He smiles a little and kisses me.

 

After awhile he breaks out a little and manages to fit in a few words before I kiss him again. Like being this close to him too much to allow him to leave me to speak or breathe. Like feeling his strong arms around me. Sometimes feels like he takes more care of me than I do of him.

 

'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, ner mish'la ka'rta.' I still can't find words to express the emotion in his eyes. Or the incredible feelings of joy it gives me. I smile up at him.

 

'Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,' I respond. He kisses me again with ardent ardour. I break away and smirk at him. 'But just because I can speak Mando'a doesn't mean you should stop using basic, ner Torian,' I tease him. He's kind of adorable.

 

'Sorry. Get a little tongue tied speaking basic.'

 

I only laugh a little in reply and continue. 'It always makes it seem like your suspiciously about to hit me up for a favour. Like when you cook me tiingilar when you want permission to take off.' I like teasing him. I like doing anything with him. But teasing is up near the top of the list.

 

He laughs so very happily. I like to make him laugh: the deep chuckling notes that make him sound the man he is.

 

'Guess you could say that,' he says eventually with an amused smile. He untangles himself from my arms and legs. He bends down on one knee and holds up a small silver ring. My heart stops beating. Metaphorically.

 

'Will you marry me?'

 

'That's a big favour.' I stare down at him and his determined frown doesn't waver or worsen. Know I love him. But I can't bind him to me like that when I'm going to leave him in less than a year. Know once I'm gone he'd eventually find someone else with less problems and more heart. I know he would move on. Liar. I need to let him. Idiot.

 

'Didn't know you were one for joking like that, Torian.' I say eventually.

 

'No joke.'

 

I look at his solemn face and I know there isn't even a shred of humour in his offer. I shake my head and I don't know what to say as he kneels in front of me. 'No' is what I should say. 'No' is the two letters that are right. 'No' is the word I never want to say.

 

'Wish it was. I'm not something that should be married, Torian.' I return back to what I was doing and fiddle with it. Want this conversation over.

 

'Cyare...'

 

'Don't, Torian. This conversation is over.' I crush the wires in my hand and as I slow unclench my fist I scowl down at them. Two hours of work just destroyed and made into two days work.

 

'It's not, Cyare.' I don't reply and he takes a step closer. 'I love you. Want something else just as strong as a blood oath.'

 

'Not going to get it. Have to settle for the oath,' I harshly respond.

 

'No.'

 

I turn to him in surprise. He's never said no to me before. Don't think I like it very much. 'Disobeying your Captain and superior?'

 

'No. Disobeying my stubborn lover.' Wish his disobedience made me love him less. Only thing is it doesn't. Never been one to like those that follow orders without question. Seems the Organisation gave me a strong dislike of authority.

 

'Slow learner, Torian. Not going to change my mind.'

 

'Not asking you to. Want to say the answer you want to say. Only asking you to say 'no'.' He steps closer and I respond by holding my wrist level with my head and extending my blade. I don't turn around and he doesn't move closer.

 

I glare at the wires as if they were a reflection of myself. 'I'm not wife material, Torian.'

 

'Think you are. Love me, don't you?' Know he's turning the argument in his favour with questions I can only say yes to: questions that will lead the logical reply to only be an acceptance.

 

'You know I do,' I reply as I look to the wall in front of me. I know if I turn around I will break.

 

'Then marry me.' Blunt statements like that have always made things seem so simple. Never known how to respond to them and I still don't.

 

'It's not wise, Torian. Doing this for you.'

 

'Then this is the worst thing you've ever done for me.' He doesn't shout it but I wish he had. His stern, dejected voice hurts a lot more. I can't reply because I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

 

'Say 'no' and I'll go.' He comes to stand behind me and I turn around. He doesn't try to reach his arms around me or kiss me. Only stares close and into my eyes.

 

'I can't.' I take a step back, retracting my blade. Hoping increasing the small distance between us will make this easier. Never imagined such a ridiculous scenario happening. Never thought I'd meet someone crazy enough to want to marry me. Never even thought about it enough to think even that much till now.

 

'Than say 'yes'.' He steps closer. Really has grown recently; he has become a leader that demands respect and carries a confidence in themself that invokes a responding confidence in everyone else. Can see it on the battle field when he lapses into ordering me and not the other way. And his success on Alderaan is evidence enough. He can follow well but he could lead better. Know he can achieve more away from me than he can with me. Marrying me would only hold him back.

 

'I can't.' Amazed my voice is firm and isn't shaking. Never thought I'd face something I couldn't do. I take a step back again.

 

'Then tell me why.' He doesn't step forward and I'm so thankful for that. Any closer and my resolve would weaken.

 

I hesitate and then decide there's only one thing I can say to make him stop. I sigh and sit down in the Captain's chair. Want to say this as dispassionately as I can. Hard thing to do when he looks at me like that. Can't see much beyond frustration in his eyes. I know that means he thinks I'm going to say yes. And in the end, I know I'm going to as well.

 

I lean back into its new leather and take my time to observe Torian and collect my thoughts. 'Remember the serum, Torian?' He nods and I now it was a dumb question. Just needed something to start from. 'Serum won't last forever.'

 

'Make some more,' is his quick reply. Think he knows where this is going and is trying to think otherwise.

 

I hold up my hand and give him a small smile that quickly fades. 'I have been, Torian. I have been working on attaining the proper components since we left Tython. It cost a small fortune even by Gualt's standards.' I pause and plan the order of this. He only waits and stares.

 

'I have enough of a supply of the serum now for two and a half years given I only take one dose a day,' I continue. He stands at rigid attention and doesn't let the stern set of his features slacken or worsen. But something dark enters his blue eyes and I know he can sense the problem isn't with quantity.

 

'However, it is highly addictive,' I continue after allowing myself these moments to observe him. His patience seems rather endless for a Mando'ad. 'This is only one part of the problem and is quite under control for the moment. The problem partly lies in the fact that taking more than one dose will increase my performance but decrease its effectiveness in the future.' I pause and watch his quick brain taking this in. 'The other part of the problem lies in the fact that before I have to increase the dose to receive the same effect, my immune system will notice the intrusion and start to fight the serum.

 

'Breaking my shoulder and wrists is slowing this down as the body isn't completely healed again. However, it will not last. Once my immune system fights against it, you know what will happen.' His eyes don't widen and his pulse doesn't quicken but I notice his angular jaw tighten.

 

'At that stage, I will have somewhere between six months and eighteen months. My body will notice the intrusion in around one year.' I lean forward, my elbows resting on my knees. 'I will be dead in less than two years, Torian.'

 

In the silence that follows, I spend every second waiting for him to move. All I can see is his brain working through information and I know it's trying to find a loop hole; a way to avoid what is going to come. And I know he won't find one. So he doesn't protest or question it's probability.

 

'Why haven't you told me before?' His voice is low and is a wave of hurt. When I hear it, I forget all the reasons I had. I don't know how I thought he would never have to know. Guess I still somehow wake up every day thinking I might die. Hoping I might die. Seems even Torian can't remove my habbits.

 

'I don't want your pity. There is nothing you could do and I know that would drive you insane.' I smile and he almost returns it. 'I won't let you bind yourself to me when I'm only going to leave you. It's better for you this way,' I continue sternly.

 

'Is that an order?'

 

'Would you follow it if it was?' I retort back quickly. My tongue seems disconnected from the rest of me and I'm glad. It's fighting its own battle alone as my mind still reals from the fact this conversation is really happening.

 

He looks torn and I know asking that was cruel. 'Maybe. Think it's a bad order though. Can't live this life without running the risk of dying any day. Always known that. Think it would be worse for me to lose you entirely. Say 'yes' and we'll always be one.'

 

Hate how his sweet words and rich voice always leave me paralysed. If my dreams were ever this sweet, I'd be inclined to think it was one of the.

 

'You'll regret it,' I say with something becoming false confidence.

 

'Don't think I will, Champion. Need to make my own mistakes.' I don't disagree and he comes to kneel in front of me on one knee. Still makes my heart stop. His searching blue eyes don't help. 'I know this won't be one of them.'

He holds up the ring again but doesn't take his eyes from mine.

 

'Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.' We are one when together. we are one when parted. We will share all. We will raise warriors.

 

I shake my head and hold out my hand. It's slippery from grease and a little black. 'Can't win, can I?'

 

He grins up at me and replies, 'you always win.'

 

Can help but return it. I let him slip the ring on my finger. Always liked how Mando'ad don't need paper or witnesses to keep their words and vows. Guess that's how it is when a society is based around idealistic honour.

 

'Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.' I lean in and kiss him after saying the vows and he pulls me to my feet, not taking his lips away until we are standing. 'I know you forever, Cyare.'

 

I move out of his arms and hold up my wrist. We make a blood oath similar to then. 'Forever, riduur, I will keep you in me,' I say. I can't use the word heart.

 

'Forever, Cyare, you will be in my heart,' he replies pressing his wrist to mine. 'Whatever happens, count me in.' His kiss is zealous and hard. I don't how I could forget how loyal he is.

 

He takes my hand and sits on the Captain chair I was only in a minute before. He tugs my hand and I willing join him. He smiles with bliss and I wonder where that happiness will go when I die.

 

But we will not part at death. These vows are for eternity. And that belies death. Maybe I'll take it with me and return it to him with a ribbon when he joins me in the afterlife.

 

No matter what comes, we will be one.

 

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2012 by EverSteam

@_@ words, how do I..

 

SQUEE.

Edited November 24, 2012 by MilaniGrey

ugh, that one left a lump in my throat of equal parts happy and sad. Beautifully written as usual!

Eesh, hold on a sec, gotta clear up these tears. ... Ok, there we go. Such a mix of sad and happy. I'd hug them both, but I'd probably end up with a blade in my gut lol.

@ Earthmama, Hoyden and Milani:

 

 

----

 

Two minutes after the last posts end...

 

 

'Sheesh, you guys, get a room.'

 

'As much as I would love to interrupt your disgusting display of affection for no reason, we're here on your orders,' Gault puts in before Mako finishes. Skadge makes a grunting noise that I think contains the words 'disgusting runts'.

 

'Jealous, Devaronian?' Torian goads immediately. Seems they're not going to stop butting heads anytime soon. Guess Torian's as irate about the interruption as I am.

 

Gault begins a retort but I cut in before he can finish the first word. 'Cool it, both of you.' I sigh and turn around on Torian's lap to face them. More than a little aggravated by their appearance.

 

'What do you all want?' I continue. 'I'm beginning the only kind of 'busy' that you understand, Gault. And Mako - we are in a room. This is my ship. All rooms are my rooms. You three are the ones that came up here. Having a good time up until then,' I say as I hold up my hand and wiggle my finger.

 

Blizz moves from behind Mako and makes a protest. I look down at him and smile as nicely as I can at this time. 'Sorry, Blizz. I couldn't see you past Mako.'

 

'Wow, Mandalorian. Slow to start but quick to finish. Are you like that in all areas?' Gault comments as he eyes the ring, cutting off anything Mako was going to say in reply.

 

I move from Torian's lap and have Gault pinned under me on the ground swiftly. I hold my knife to Gault's throat and press until he bleeds a little and doesn't dare breathe. I thought about slapping him but this always works so much better. And I think Gault's been slapped by every woman he's ever met.

 

'Keep it up Gault and you'll know why they have the saying 'ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade'. Do I make myself clear?' He doesn't dare nod and I'm pleased by the surprise in his eyes. Torian's right: I have been too lenient on him recently.

 

I move off him and stand by the now standing Torian. 'Thanks for the congratulations by the way. It really means a lot. Especially from you, Mako.' She scowls at me and it only looks childish.

 

'Anyone going to tell me why you're all here now?' I continue after a tense pause. Wonder if I'd prefer a more peaceful ship in times like these. I don't think I would. Keeps things exciting. Can always kill them when they get too tiresome.

 

'You ordered us to come to the cockpit when we arrived at Nar Shaddaa,' Mako says coldly. 'We have arrived.'

 

'I order a lot of things, Mako, and don't always expect them to actually be done let alone promptly.' It's a lie but no one challenges me on it. Last time Gault was late to follow an order I shot his foot and when Mako was negligent in giving me a thorough report I ripped a leg off her gizka toy. Docking their pay never seems to work since they don't have to spend it on boarding or food.

 

'But while you're all here, you might as well dock us down on the moon. I intend to stay busy for a few more hours.'

I take Torian's hand and head to our room. They don't come knocking to tell me when we land.

 

 

-----

 

 

Ten hours later....

 

 

'Hey, Sis. Long time no see, huh?'

 

Coral turns around from the computer she was sabotaging. Walks slowly forward. She's casual but wary. I stand and look imposing. It's a fun job. Never thought Mako would suggest I do something that I actually enjoy.

 

'Mako? What are you doing here? How did you find me?' She replies with cautious surprise.

 

Mako ignores her questions. She isn't playing by her rules. 'Met some of our sisters. It was real heart warming, you know?'

 

'About that - I should have warned you.' She's sensing danger and a trap but she wants to know where this going. I think it's my turn to be talking and imposing instead of silent and imposing.

 

'Can it. We know it was a set up.' I pull out my gun and aim for her head.

 

She starts trying to make excuses. She's a good actor. I hoped Mako wouldn't buy it. Again. She doesn't. I'm kind of proud of her. Still don't like her though. Wish she was as handy as her backstabbing sister.

 

So Coral cuts the charade after that and keeps repeating how she's real. Yeah, a real *****. And of course, as everything in our lives seems to head towards, we fight.

 

The copy keeps crapping on even as she bleeds over the floor. 'She talks a lot for someone that's just been beaten, doesn't she?' Mako comments to me. Way she talks to me and ignores her sisters words echoes our encounter on Dromund Kaas.

 

I sneer at her sisters bleeding form and take in every moment. It's just like watching Mako die. Think it will satisfy me for a while.

 

'Just kill her already,' is my reply after I tire of the sight. And Mako does. Surprising. Didn't think she would. And I know she's going to regret it. And most likely have a nervous breakdown.

 

'What do you think she meant by me being a copy and everything? Saying I wasn't real?'

 

I stare at her in disbelief for a moment. She still doesn't think she is a clone? Still? 'Don't worry about it. Sure it was nothing.' As much as nothing as me being a cybotic killing machine.

 

Isak has arrived. He takes in the scene and orders his men to remove Coral. He turns to Mako.

 

'Mako. We'll talk later,' is all he says before walking away and giving orders to his soldiers.

 

She doesn't want to hear it from me. I'll let her be dumb and ignorant for a few more weeks. And even then, I don't think one call will change her general state of mind.

 

 

-----

 

Two nights later...

 

 

I like the nights Blizz stays up with Torian and I. I like the three of us.

 

Have been a little busy celebrating the past two days and haven't given the Jawa much attention. He doesn't seem to mind. He likes doing his own quiet things as much as he likes being with us. Can't think of anywhere better to be than Nar Shaddaa so we going to spend a week here. Mako hasn't tried to complain yet and I don't think she will. She's hardly left her room for two days I don't care.

 

Opposite of Gault. Don't think the Devaronian has spent a night in his since we arrived. Hope the rest of the week passes as smoothly. And for such a large disgusting mass of muscle, Skadge is good at making himself scarce. Don't know where he ever is and no one has ever asked.

 

'Boss?' We have been silent. The three of us sitting in a row. Blizz between us. Our fingers linked behind his back. 'Blizz been thinking.'

 

'A dangerous past time.' I smile kindly down at him.

 

'I know.' Blizz nods his head wisely.

 

'What's on your mind?'

 

'Blizz been thinking about serious things. Blizz been thinking about how Blizz got to be where Blizz is now.' He is happy that he was betrayed. Because it meant he came to be with us. It makes me smile. And think of bitter sweet things. Ever since I met Torian, a part of me has felt the same. All moments of my life have led to this. And dying a thousand deaths, living through a year of torture and mutation, is a small price to pay. Torian is worth a lot more than that. I would go through it a thousand times over, if it meant he was mine forever. These nights are priceless. And I don't want to let them go.

 

'Blizz would not have met boss and friends and Blizz would not have been all over space. Blizz likes where Blizz is now. Blizz think Blizz home.'

 

I smile. It's a long toothless thing. Full of a soft happiness. 'Yes, Blizz. You are home.' My fingers tighten around Torian's. He winces. I loosen them a little. My smile becomes slightly larger. Teeth almost flashing.

 

'I wouldn't have done anything different if it meant being here. With you.' I look at Torian. His eyes are warm and happy. He bows his head. It is a big claim. One I will never take back.

 

Just for now, I have a home. I am alive. And I am happy. In these precious moments, worlds are burning outside, but I am happy. 'Everything solid must melt into air' are the words that are whispered in my mind when I look into Torian's gentle and content eyes.

 

 

-----

 

 

A week later in Corellia's orbit...

 

 

We arrive at Corellia.

 

I stand in the cockpit close up to the front windows, and watch our slow decent to the planet. Its early and the others still sleep. I don't know how I feel because I feel too much and too little. I hug myself. I feel hard and cold. Makes me wonder what Torian likes about me.

 

I sigh a little. I'm home. It is a weird thing. Never thought I'd return. Should have known better.

 

I guess I don't really feel anything. Not happy but not really sad either. Guess it will hit me when we land. Wonder if it still looks the same. Can't tell the degree of destruction from orbit. It looks nice. Blue and green with white clouds. Reminds me of Alderaan. I reach a hand out and touch the glass. My ring catches the light and so do my knuckles.

 

I sigh again and drop my hand. Still never wanted to come back here. Too many memories. It's not the bad ones that I don't want to remember and have shoved in my face. It's the happy ones. I loathe my younger and stupider self. I think I really hate them because she was so happy. Not that I'm not now. I'm more than happy. It's just... so very, very hard to pinpoint. I can't untangle these feelings.

 

And I don't really want to. I just know I hate the reminder of what I was. Guess I'm not the only one with that complaint. But then, others probably weren't turned into monstrous weapons by their boyfriends. I think I would of rather of been left in the cold again. I try not to think about the information Mako gave me in this moment. I know I should act on it while it is still accurate but I can't. And I need to finish this first. Everything else will have to wait.

 

I sigh again. Seem to be doing that a lot. But it is such a sweeter thing, knowing that when I breathe, it is going in and out of real organs. Seems like one of the only things they left in me whole. Guess they needed me to get oxygen somehow.

 

I finally read my file last night. Well, a few hours ago. It is worse than I thought. Extremely sickening even to me. Turns out I don't have a heart, just like I thought. And many other things I didn't guess. And what they put in instead...

 

I shiver. Yes, I should not exist. I may have a warped and radical view of right and wrong, but even to me, I know that this thing in me is very, very wrong. I touch my cheek with my cold hands and for a moment, I don't feel anything. Disgusting to know that this delay is because of a broken circuit somewhere. I look closely at my wrists but I only see the dark shadow and a few thin, blue tubes that skirt their way around my blades exit point.

 

I look out the window again and wish they made a program to stop me from knowing about this. When I become conscious of the process of thinking and it sickens me; it fills me with a vicious and uncontrollable paroxysm of abhorrence that I cannot control.

 

I run and jump down the stairs to the refresher. Vomit into the sink. I stare long and hard at what slowly slithers down the drain. Surprised I can vomit. Never have before. Guess you learn something new every five hours. The thought of where this food is coming from makes me vomit even more. Eventually, when there is nothing left and the vehemence passes, it is just a disgusting heaving motion of my body.

 

I wash my face and hands when the echoing motion subsides entirely. Rinse out the sink. I complete the task with mechanical motions and an indifference I do not feel.

 

I return to the bridge. I stare long and hard at the world. I feel empty; as if emptying my stomach as emptied my heart and head.

 

I hear him waking up. 'In for a long march,' he murmurs when I imagine him seeing me absent from our bed. Have been making a habit of it since we set course for Corellia. He puts on some loose clothes and walks down the steps and along the ship to me. I like listening to his tred and breathing; his slow, calm heart beat. He stops at the door way and watches me.

 

'Memories taking you?' he greets me with.

 

'Don't know.' I shrug. Turn my head a little so I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He rests his lean body against the door frame: tanned, gorgeous and troubled. His muscles are a little tense and I can see anxiousness in his blue eyes and tightened jaw. 'Wish I wasn't though,' I say as I turn my gaze back to the planet.

 

He pads quietly to me. He smells of sweat and stale sex but his arms are warm, as always, as they wrap around me. They feel like a tight, burning chain that keeps me controlled and whole. I lean my cheek on his arm and breathe him in deeply.

 

'I can remedy that.' His lips are soft and slightly moist on my neck.

 

We don't say much after that and he only holds me and looks to the planet below. I have nothing to say. I didn't tell him about my file. He doesn't need to know. I don't want him to know. He can't change it: it's irreversible. And he can't protect me from the past. It's a battle I fight alone. And there are questions that I don't want the answers to. Because in the end, he is here. And that will never stop being enough.

 

If he read it, would he see me the same? Knowing what I am? I don't want to know. Think even his faithful and constant loyalty would be tested. I would rather keep this from him so I never find out. I don't want to see him walk out that door. Think it's worse that his honour and word would keep him with me when the rest of him would only want to leave. But has stayed with you this far.

 

'We are one when together. We are one when parted.' I don't want him to know the monster he's unknowingly bound himself to. I wish I really was going to die in two years. Because what is really going to happen in so much worse.

 

'Thoughts, Cyare?' he asks eventually. I smile a little. Hasn't need to ask in while. Had the same thoughts since that night with only a few variations. Been happier than I could say and I didn't need to.

 

'Hukaat'kama,' I reply. Watch my back. I turn around and rest my head in his bare chest. 'Gedet'ye?' Please?

 

I know the answer. But at this moment, and like this, I feel normal. And I want to hear the answer. I am small girl. Asking in the only way she knows how, for a boy to never abandon her. But this girl will only exist for a moment. Because she is dead. It is for the woman still here that I ask. For the woman that will also die and leave something else to remain. I can only ask like this because though we are lovers first, we are warriors always.

 

'I've got your six no matter what. Ratiin. Darasuum.' Always. Forever. He lifts my face to his with his hand and kisses me long and slow. 'Ori'haat.'

 

I will need these promises in the weeks that come. It isn't my memories that can take Torian from me. Or take me from him.

Two hours till landing. Apocalypse is coming to Corellia and its cause is revenge.

 

'With you all the way,' he says in a voice too rich and low to be called a whisper as his eyes focus on the planet before us and his mind on our mission ahead. I could never do anything to reward such constant loyalty and devotion. I can't even find a reply to it. I only look to the planet below and send it the silent greeting of a scorned and threatening lover.

 

'I'm back.'

Edited November 25, 2012 by EverSteam

Her future has me on the edge of my seat.

Her future has me on the edge of my seat.

 

This.

Agreed.

Shortly after landing on Corellia...

 

 

Gault doesn't stick around.

 

He visited that associate while on Nar Shaddaa. Amongst their catch up on old times and making new times, he told Gault where Hylo is. So Gault's going after her. Wants to be her knight in shining armour and save her from Belsavis. I offer to go with. But he doesn't want help. Knew he wouldn't. And I wouldn't be able to go anyway.

 

'Just wanted to make sure you got to Corellia ok. I was going to stick with till this all finished but... you understand, don't you?'

 

I shake my head and stand up from his bed. I take one of his horns in my hand and pull his head down. I rub his head lightly with my knuckles and laugh at his indignant struggling.

 

'Never knew such serious thoughts went around your head, Gault.' I let go of him and makes a show of straightening his shirt. 'You don't have to worry about me. I'm not the one facing a woman that I betrayed and has been imprisoned because of it for twenty years.' I spread my arms wide and smirk. 'When aren't I ok?'

 

Gault gives me a sharp glance but then sneers. Know what he thought and I know it's true. Seems I've never really been ok. Being with Torian is only a temporary relief. And it doesn't change what can't changed. Only makes me ignore it for a while.

 

He doesn't reply and finishes packing his bags, putting in an extra two bottles of wine. 'Now don't forget to brush your teeth and wash behind your ears. And remember not to get lost when slaughtering people. Uncle Gault doesn't want to travel across the galaxy to come and save you.'

 

Know these jokes are the only things he can say. Goes against his grain to say anything he really means or what he really wants to. So I laugh in reply and punch his arm lightly, like I should. He cringes and rubs it, moving out of my reach. He looks around his room and shakes his head like he had when he first arrived.

 

'If I don't make it- well, thanks. Don't think Tyresius would have gotten this chance.' The sober look disappears into another excited and mocking grin. 'Wish me luck with a kiss?'

 

'Need more than that, Gault.' Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. I know that more than most.

 

'Is that an offer?' he slyly moves back closer and I look up at him levelly. I didn't mean it like that and he knows it. But I'm taken by a brief spout of compassion for the irritating and roguish Devaronian. I kiss his cheek quickly but counter it with a slap on the other. Don't want him to get ideas for things that are beyond impossible.

 

I smirk at him as I step away and he sighs dramatically, rubbing his reddening cheek with the back of his hand. He picks up his bags and heads for the door. But he doesn't walk through it without hesitating and turning his head slightly, his eye catching mine.

 

'Will you miss me?' he asks mockingly. I take his voice as the truth of the question and ignore his serious eyes. He laughs a little and keeps walking, not waiting for the negative reply that I was ready to give. He doesn't stop even as he calls to Torian who waits for me on the stairs. 'I know you will, Mandalorian.'

 

I don't need to see Torian to know his frown is an expression of disgust. Once Gault leaves and I still don't leave his room, Torian comes in search of me.

 

'Time for a drink?' he requests.

 

I nod but I don't walk out like he expects. Instead, I sit on Gault's bed and reach underneath, my hand when out again after making groping motions, is holding a fine bottle of wine.

 

'Don't think he'll need this if he doesn't come back,' I say slyly. I grin up at Torian and he returns it.

 

Before I sleep, I send a small wish for Gault to find what he's looking for. And I hope to never see him again.

 

 

-----

 

 

The next day...

 

 

 

When we arrive to see this Imperial General and receive our orders for the strike on Corellia, they give us a once over.

 

A long once over.

 

An awkward and long once over.

 

They shift position. Cross arms. Some move their hands to their hips. One has an unfortunate and hideous goggle tan. God, it's so very, very unattractive. Would prefer looking at someone with fire burns all over their face.

I look straight at the General. Scorn radiates from all of them. I can feel Torian shrug his shoulders. 'What?' he asks.

 

I leer at the General. What a warm, awkward welcome.

 

'Let's get on with this bounty hunter. I've got troops to deploy.' I can sense the General's contempt. I wish I could force choke him. I settle for my highly impressive and well practiced death stare.

 

'And I've got people to kill.' I pull out my gun. 'Want to be the first?' I'm not really in the mood to humour these people. I'm definitely in the mood to shoot them all.

 

The others stiffen in their poses: Imperial wax works figures. The General waves away my threat. I shoot next to his head. No one waves me away like a bothersome, trivial fly.

 

'Darth Tormen demands that I dispatch you to capture Chairman Harlon Fane of Correllian Corporate Council. Save your threats and aggression for the enemy and him,' he replies stiffly.

 

I sneer in his face and lower my arm. I don't put my gun away. He tells me the plan. Lay out. And then he makes a mistake. 'And remember. You are to deliver Chairman Fane alive and intact. Dismissed.' No one dismisses me.

 

He is leaning forward over his desk to peer at me better. Leaning on his hands and arms. An attempt at intimidation used for easy interrogations or to frighten subordinates. I shoot both his hands. My blaster is back in its holster before he can even scream.

 

'I am not your soldier,' I announce as I walk up to his desk where he is trying to stop the bleeding in both hands by covering them in each other. 'Don't try to intimidate me or order me like one or I will be shooting somewhere a lot more painful than your hands.' I lean forward on his desk like he had and whisper my last words. 'Remember that for our next meeting, General.'

 

We leave without a backward glance as his subordinates suddenly unfreeze and rush to their loving superior's aid. Torian doesn't say anything when walk out the doorway. I don't want him to.

 

But I still pause and look at him over my shoulder. 'Let's hunt.' I don't wait for his nod before walking on.

 

He quickly and easily matches his stride with mine. 'Give the signal, they're dead.'

 

I look at him out of the corner of my eye and smile a little. He sees the motion and returns it but his eyes remain serious. Seems he always knows how to make me feel a little better.

I really do want to hug your Hunter. If there wasn't the possibility of stabbing.

Gault's Hylo quest made me grin the whole time. A new dimension to his character, lots more depth.

He is leaning forward over his desk to peer at me better. Leaning on his hands and arms. An attempt at intimidation used for easy interrogations or to frighten subordinates. I shoot both his hands. My blaster is back in its holster before he can even scream.

 

'I am not your soldier,'

This is fricking fabulous. To be quite perfectly honest, I hated Corellia on my bh. Drove me up the wall. I actually, and I'm not kidding, completely lost interest at level 49 with Corellia half done, and went and leveled my trooper from 1 to 50. My vanguard hit 50 first and then I decided it was time. Two toons hit 50 in less than 2 days. I wanted to kill so many Imperial stooges SOOO bad. So I'm really looking forward to the path of destruction your girl leaves behind her hehehe.

I really do want to hug your Hunter. If there wasn't the possibility of stabbing.

I know, she's crazy yet so loveable.

 

Gault's Hylo quest made me grin the whole time. A new dimension to his character, lots more depth.

Yeah, I like Gault's character a lot so I'm attempting to do it justice. I really would have liked more Gault in the game.

This is fricking fabulous.

I hated Corellia on my bh. Drove me up the wall. I actually, and I'm not kidding, completely lost interest at level 49 with Corellia half done

Yep, experiencing the exact same thing. But I know I've got to finish and while mindlessly playing I just plan this Mando thing I'm going to write soon (for this story). It makes it easier.

 

 

 

 

A few hours later...

 

 

It's easy to gain access to the Chairman. General made it sound hard.

 

When we arrive, my blaster is drawn and ready. I don't think I'll need more for such a pathetic job. Torian just saunters in. Easy and calm. But I can feel he is alert: summing up the opponents and making strategies. We already have a bet. 65 - 35 split. The usual wager.

 

We get surround when we walk up to the Chariman's desk. Republics keep interesting friends. Torian and I are fully aware of the Wookie in the room.

 

The Chairman is fat and old. Easy target from the profits of war. Not sure about those around me. But they are stupidly close. Shouldn't be hard to carbonite them and then set them on fire. It's a closed room. Only exit and entry is the one we came from. No vents either. Or windows. Military head quarters never really seem to have windows. Or politician head quarters. Wonder why that is. Guess it's easier to hide things.

 

'Wait, wait.' The fat Chairman raises his hands from the desk he sits in as a gesture of calming but not surrender. Neither would work.

 

The body guard is smarter. 'Sir, they're dangerous.' Understatement of the year. By his more senior appearance and willingness to speak, I'd say he's there leader. Should take him down first.

 

Before I can make a witty comment I haven't thought of yet, Torian jumps in. 'Don't know the half of it.' My heart pulls. God, he's perfect. I grin at the Chairman. It is a terrifying, sadistic thing. They really don't know the half of it. But I'm more than willing enough to show them.

 

'They're also clearly not Imperial soldiers. This is a matter of money, not loyalty. Am I right?' He tries to sound reasonable and like it's all very simple; like he knows me and understands everything more than the loyal body guard.

 

Not even half right. No wonder the Republic is always the losing side. 'We can't all be bought. I always fulfil a contract. And my reasons are far from simple and singular.'

 

His attempts at reasoning are humorous and wasted. But I humour him. For the moment. Apparently he can open many doors. I already know what's behind the Republics doors. And I'm not going back there.

 

We walk through the fluorescent white corridors. Everything is as I remember.

 

We're on the second floor. East side is the med centre and chemical testing. West side is experiments. I was born there. We clear the east side first. I pick up my serum, inject a large dose and break everything else in the room; delete data from the computers and slaughter everyone in sight. Torian hangs back a lot. Not sure what he's thinking. I don't think I want to know.

 

Then we make for the west wing.

 

We have cleared out the animal experiments. And we stand side by side at the end of the corridor. Only one room was left. And it was the hardest to open. When the seamless white door opens, it takes a moment for it to sink in.

 

Eventually, my mind catches up with my eyes and I vomit at the sight. It's not the familiar smell of metal and singed skin and hair, it's the memories it brings back. And the overwhelming wave of empathy I feel for twenty others. And the pain of the memories is twenty times worse.

 

Under the low lights on twenty surgical beds, are twenty twisted variations of me. When the vomit stops and there is nothing left, I walk along the beds, looking at each new cyborg. At the end of the room is the large computer I remember. I search their files and what I find is disgusting.

 

I wasn't called Primacy for no reason.

 

They are varied attempts to create a stronger me. More robotics, removing bones for metal, the brain becoming removed and replaced entirely with a computer instead of a hybrid. Just sacks of flesh and a cloak of humanity around nothing but droids. I don't want to know what this makes me. But they reference me a lot and hat they are trying to do better. All the time I had been with them, they were trying to make an army of me. And I don't know why I am surprised.

 

Why wouldn't you? Mindless things that can be controlled like droids but blend in with society; as efficient and fast as Jedi and with no scruples; a droid that has instincts but no feelings. But their experiments are failing. Their bodies are rejecting the intrusion and dying. My serum doesn't work on them and their bodies just die and rot leaving the droid inside. And that droid works still. I don't want to know what that means for me.

 

They can't find why they fail and it seems they were all Republic soldiers captured on Nar Shaddaa and the most promising brought here. However, it was discovered and thought Imperial. New capture point is on Coruscant itself.

 

There is reference to one near success. Something called the Secondary. I don't have time to read further but I read enough to know it isn't in the base. I take the files, wipe them from the computer and then set charges on it. Torian stays at the door to the room. No one comes though. As I leave, I stop at the head of each bed and stare into the blank, dead faces of the experiments.

 

They aren't all human, but all are young. Seems they tried to find as many as possible close to my age, possibly hoping my success was related to the diminishing plasticity of the body during adolescents after childhood. All are humanoid: a beautiful Chiss, an orange Twi'lek, two pale Zabrak, and even a Rodian. The rest are humans. Some are rotting. But all you can smell is blood and disinfectant. Some have two eyes like mine, others have two real ones. Some have robotic hands, and some have blasters for hands. Despite my overwhelming repulsion, I manage to think 'how the **** would that be practical?'

 

Some are still alive, some are dead.

 

As I go along the lines, I shoot each twisted experiment in the head. I don't flinch, I don't cry and I don't hesitate. After each shot, I splash oil on their bodies and plant an explosive. I don't want any of this to be left.

 

These deaths are the only mercies I have ever performed. I only wish someone had done the same for me.

'Sometimes, I wish he had.'* Sometimes, I wish someone had killed me, too.

 

This isn't life. And it isn't worth living.

 

'Why collect one small bounty when you can be paid a fortune in wages?'

 

I leer at the Chairman as he continues. 'I hate taxes, for one. And I can't just do this for another.' I turn quickly and shoot a body guard clear in the forehead. Torian shrugs and spreads his hands.

 

'Sorry,' he apologises. But the small twitch of his lips says otherwise.

 

My leer grows larger; it becomes a twisted crescent of teeth and malicious spite. The others look to the Chairman for orders. He erects a force field around himself. Coward. But that will never stop me.

 

They attack. Torian moves for the Wookie. I take the others. Freeze and burn. They fall quickly and I move to help Torian take down the Wookie. I look Torian in the eye and he knows what I'm saying: 'You owe me dinner.' He nods and grins. We hit wrists and kiss.

 

We walk over to the Chairman. He surrenders and is disbelieving. A mercenary with honour. Unbelievable. I want to kill him. But I don't. Just threaten a little, shoot his right ear off and few fingers in his left hand and then freeze him. Support arrives and takes the body.

 

We kill everyone left on our way out. Makes up for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

* Torian's reply to Jicoln saying Mandalore had sworn to kill Torian as a baby.

Secondary....oooo (I have a theory, I do I do, can't wait to see if I'm right )

Secondary....oooo (I have a theory, I do I do, can't wait to see if I'm right )

 

Same here.

 

Also, *sends hugs to the Hunter and hope she doesn't get stabbed*

Secondary....oooo (I have a theory, I do I do, can't wait to see if I'm right )

 

You'll just have to wait and see.

You're probably right though.

 

On a side note - just want to say that when the BH mentions 'It' (as she has in the past since Tython) she is referring to the Secondary (who was mentioned in Yours to Hold when Torian saw the name on a datapad). That's all.

 

 

 

------

 

 

 

 

 

An hour or two later...

 

 

On the way back to the General's office, Torian gets a call.

 

It's Corridan.

 

He's on Correllia.

 

Doing a job in the sector over - Government sector. Don't ask Torian how Corridan knew we were on Corellia. It's only a small scale op and not a full battle. Torian will only be a soldier for this. Corridan gives a meeting place of their camp before Torian confirms he's in. I just grin at Torian and give him a nod from the rubble I'm resting on. Torian stands in the middle of the road and there's definitely no fear of getting hit by a speeder.

 

'We'll be there,' Torian tells Corridan with confidence.

 

'Mhi? So you're taking your wife along?' Corridan asks with more amusement and interest than surprise.

 

Torian nods to the small blue figure and I can hear the holo figures amused chuckle. 'Would be crazy not to,' Torian replies.

 

'You'd know.' The small figure shrugs and grins, before holding his arms wide and palms up. 'More the merrier, right?'

 

'Only if there's still enough to go round,' Torian replies with a small smile.

 

'Don't need to worry about that. Should be plenty. Be facing around fifty trained personal guard and one hundred and fifty Republic soldiers against our squadron of forty.'

 

'Your idea of plenty seems to be shrinking, old man. Not even enough for half our number without us.' Surprised by Torian's form of address and wonder how long Torian has known Corridan. Guess if he gave Torian his armour it must be a long while. Think Corridan became his father figure and by what I've heard so far, it's not a bad role model. Wonder if Torian knew Corridan's son.

 

The figure laughs and Torian gets down to details. 'Be there tomorrow night. Gotta take care of a few things first. Don't start without us.'

 

Torian shuts it off after Corridan's farewell. There's yearning in Torian's eyes as he watches me sit and wait. I walk up to him and pull him into an abandoned house around the corner. There's more than enough of them. Doesn't mean the impulsive move is the safest.

 

After, we lie in each other's arms. I like putting my head to his chest and memorising the beat. Thump, thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump. It's always a little slow. But right now, it's quicker. I can hear his breathing. It's a little fast too. He's nervous about something.

 

He fiddles with the ring on my finger. Strange how quickly I got used to its light, constricting weight. I watch it flash between his fingers and smile at the design of weaving vines. Can tell he made it and it and it makes me wonder when he found the time. Guess he's not the only one that does things when the other isn't around. Wish mine were as sweet.

 

'Was feeling a little guilty, letting this get this far and still never introducing you to my friends.' He keeps twirling the ring and though it starts to rub and feel uncomfortable, I let him continue. 'Was thinking next time I hear from Corridan, we go on a hunt,' he says with a nervous edge. Smile a little at the thought that he's more nervous now than when he proposed.

 

I sit up and he turns on his side to look at me. I stroke his hair a little, moving it back from his eyes where it had caught and caressed his eyelashes. Think I'd like a break from Sith and hunting humans. But I know I have things I need to do before then. Been putting finding It off since Tython. Tried a few leads straight away and now, for the first time when I finally have a strong one, I'm hesitating and delaying. Because I don't know what I'll do when I find It.

 

I smile and ask with amusement, 'a Mandalorian vacation?'

 

He grins a little. Pulls me down and closer. 'Thought you'd like one. Nothing takes your mind off things like ducking a stampeding boma.'

 

I smirk a little but look down so he can't see it. I like his insights and intelligence but I hate it when that insight is turned on me. Was trying hard to not let him see how returning here was affecting me after the morning in orbit. Not like me to hold the weak and troubled card. I would feel pathetic if I let him see how much being here slowly destroyed me; feels like every step on this ground burns my soles and everything that touches me on this acidic ruin of a city scorches my skin; the air feels like poison that worms it way to every part of my body and doesn't stop wriggling there. Never letting me rest and never letting me forget.

 

See too many memories of fear and anger haunting every unknown shadow and lurking around every nameless street. Worst are the things I remember when looking at the grass and trees that now burn. I hate the things I see under the sun. General didn't stick to the shadows when I first knew him.

 

I kiss Torian's neck and his ear to hide my face and keep it from the searching blue eyes. 'Nothing? That's a big statement. I can think of a few things that might,' I whisper.

 

I want to take his mind off thinking about what might be on mine. I can't let him see how hard it is to not kill him when he looks at me on this planet with so much desire and affection: how hard it is on this planet to not stab him in the back when he touches me. Because I want him to be this close to me. But I can't control the insidious nature of this very planet and how it persuades me into vicious fury.

 

I was surprised by the kid the first time. Not sure how many people he's been with. Either way, he was amazing. And I like to think it didn't come from a vast amount of experience. Don't think my serious Mandolarian is like that. Guess it's more of a hope. Would never ask such an uncomfortable thing so I guess I'll never know. Have no reason to judge. My record is far from short no matter what the circumstances were.

 

'Need to do a few of them so I can make a comparison then,' he replies flirtatiously. I've already started before he finishes the invitation.

 

After, we head to the Generals office. Suns just past midpoint. Should have told Corridan we'd be two nights.

 

Before we walk in, I have to make a conscious effort to remove my smile. This is business. Business is always serious. You are a professional. I repeat the mantra but it doesn't remove my ever growing smile. It takes a lot of effort and concentration just to try and repeat that. Feel like something's snapped that had previously been straining. Guess this is as close to hysteria that I might ever come. But if I have it than Torian must also because when I look at Torian, he is having the same problem. Never thought Torian would have a problem looking serious. Guess this might be a normal thing to feel when in love. Either that or we're both mad. Only know I'm going to cherish this feeling of bliss and the ecstasy of genuine smiles whole heartedly for just a little while longer. Just until I pass through the door.

 

When we walk in, Darth Tormen is there. So is the General. Large bandages are around his hands and a fierce scowl is wrapped around his haggard face. The sight of the Sith removes any happiness and smiles. This is business.

 

'You have obtained Chairman Fane. Good. We proceed on schedule,' Tormen greets us with. Sith hospitability and pleasantries are strange things. I hear a lightsaber in the back is often the same as a wave good bye.

 

Tormen glances meaningfully to the General and makes a gesture with his hand that's a mixture between a dismissive wave and a threat. 'General, see to the bounty hunters reward,' he commands in a voice void of any respect.

 

The General scowls even worse at me but bows to Tormen and walks out. Tormen keeps his sharp red eyes on me as I stand comfortably, looking at finger nails with a bored expression. By the irritation in his voice at what comes next, I have the feeling he doesn't appreciate my behaviour.

 

'Because you were not late and Chairman Fane is relatively intact, I will over look other actions. But I will not do it again. Remember the consequences.' With a flick of his hand, Torian is thrown against the wall. I don't turn and look. I don't let my anger or worry show. Abhorrence fills me and I reinforce the walls around my mind. I hear Torian's heart beat and that is enough. Business is serious.

 

Tormen continues. 'Now. Our next objective is to bring Corellia's beasts to heel.' As he speaks, I hear Torian pick himself up off the ground and walk steadily over and know he stands straight and proud at my side. I will kill this Sith before the month is out. But only when the job is done. You are a professional.

 

I smirk a little at Tormen's metaphor. 'You want an animal handler? Find the circus. They're cheaper.' I turn to walk. But I am lifted off the ground and choked.

 

'Silence,' Tormen commands. Torian stands still. I can imagine the lists of actions and outcomes going through his mind. He settles for the smartest: to stand and watch with clenched fists.

 

I relax my muscles and stop my blades from extending. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing such a useless weapon against this. I can withstand mind tricks, pushes and dodge rocks, but I can't stop this. So I wait it out and know he will never kill me. I stare into his crimson eyes and see anger and intrigue. I don't think he's ever faced insolence before. And I don't like the way it's arousing him.

 

I sneer at his face. So he lets me down and I spit orange blood at his feet. He ignores it and doesn't cease his discussion of the next attack. I'm to kill a Selonian rebel leader. The General briefs me of the plan after Tormen stalks out: put slave collars on Selonians, go to ambush point, ambush Selonian leader, capture Selonian leader, meet Tormen in the park to deliver Selonian leader.

 

So very, very round about just to get one small rat. Seems Tormen needs to secure power and force the Republic to surrender. See the strategic and symbolic difference between surrender and crushing but that doesn't remove my irritation at having to do the Sith's dirty work. Always preferred killing to capturing: vendettas to schemes. And I find myself thinking for something far from the last time, don't they have actual Imperial soldiers for this?

 

 

 

-----

 

Around four or five hours later...

 

 

 

I do the whole slave collar crap and go to the ambush point. I wait at the ambush point alone and eventually five Selonian's approach from the shadows.

 

The Selonian's are angry with me and call me the Ravager. I like the name. Think I'll keep it. Better than 'terrorist' and shorter than 'Republics Most Wanted.' Sums up what I do. Yes. I like it a lot. I'll ask for Torian's opinion after where done here because they don't seem willing to give me advice on it.

 

The leader wants me to surrender quickly. Never going to happen. Even the Selonian think that will work. But I think they're kind of cute. Weren't as many in the area where I grew up as there are in the capital. They were rare in that area. Shame to kill them but not enough of one to stop me.

 

'Yield? Come make me.' I signal to Torian who watched unseen by them. He advances, staff drawn and collared prisoners in front. He is proud and tall. 'I hear your quite the fighter,' I continue when the captives stand before me. 'Let's settle this personally, winner takes all.'

 

The leader watches the prisoners and considers. He shakes his head. It is a large furry thing that seems blown to comical proportions against those of his slim, fuzzy body; the head of a novelty bobble toy that rests on a slim stilt.

 

'If you had honour, you would not hide behind prisoners. I refuse,' the leader decides with passion.

 

Torian advances. He slashes his fist through the air. 'You can't!' I try not to smile. I love it when he is so angry in that Mando'ad way. Always so honourable. Always so serious. I really don't mind.

 

They tell us to surrender again. And give up the prisoners. Like that's going to happen. The leader threatens to make an example of me to my Sith. I let this slide. They aren't mine. And I'm not theirs.

 

'Wrong answer,' I simply return. I shoot the prisoner next to me. 'Oops.'

 

'No more threats,' Torian growls as he stares at the leader with fiery blue eyes. I like when Torian is like this - when he is willing and able to kill someone. Still refreshing after all these months when compared to those I spent with Mako and Gault.

 

'I suggest you shut the **** up and kiss the dirt before they have another accident.' The other Selonian's take my suggestion. Smart. The leader doesn't. Not smart.

 

It was an easy and quick fight against the living bobble toy. Always seems to be that when someone is kneeling and bleeding, we stop and let them beg. I don't know why I do. I guess I like to have the last word no matter what. Only the leader doesn't beg. Defiant until the end.

 

'Shut up.' I spray him in carbonite and head back to the taxi.

Time to meet a Sith in the park.

Tormen is such a walking dead man.

Tormen is such a walking dead man.

 

Ooooooh yeah he is. I wish we could go back and watch our class story cinematics, cus I'd really like to go back and watch my Bounty Hunter talk off to Tormen..