I couldn't agree more. I used to play EVE and I had spent months collecting enough cash to purchase the skills and equipment necessary for a battleship. I thought hey I'm pretty BA now let me ask the corp(guild) if I can run some pvp with them. They said sure! Well to my suprise i was not even close to being a bad ***. My Battleship was destroyed by a small cruiser within seconds- SECONDS! 6 months worth of work permenantly GONE in SECONDS! I immediately activated my clone (There are no respawns if you don't have a clone that has a higher skill point threshold than the current amount of skill points you have you lose some of your hard earned skill points) and jumped into my battle cruiser. Once again I got popped with in mere seconds. At that point the keys Alt and F4 were the last two key strokes that game saw from me.
And yet people claim that they just love hardcore games and bemoan MMOs like SWTOR that are too casual friendly and way too easy. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The game you are looking for absolutely positively exists: it is called EVE Online. That is truly what hardcore is all about.
Why are you guys not playing it?