Thank you all for continuing to read! We’ve broken 2,000 views and are climbing! HK, would you like to say anything?
Gratuitous Statement: This unit wants to extend thanks to the Meatbag Readers who continue to read of my exploits. Know that, should the time come, I will end your existence in the most painless way possible. Ominous Assurance: For those who refuse to read… I am coming for you! Assassination protocols engaged. Weapons free!
Chapter Five: Stealth Gone Wrong
Threat: The Pipsqueak will cease hostilities against this unit at once!
Ignite coughed and sent a few stray blaster bolts into the ground before catching a gout of lightning with his saber. “HK! Help!”
Directive: The Pipsqueak will liquidate the Meatbags with extreme prejudice!
Alarming Cry: AUGHH! Remove the arc-tech screwdriver! Remove the arc-tech screwdriver! MEDIC!
“Someone call for a Medic?!” Doc’s voice hollered through the smoke. “Have no fear! Doc is here!”
“Get down, you idiot!” Kaliyo shouted.
“I will kill you, Ignite! It’s time to put you down for dishonoring the Sith traditions!” Thanaton promised.
“Pipsy! Go fix nice droid!” Ignite roared as the lightning increased in intensity. The Sith channeled his newfound power and retaliated with his own, pushing against Thanaton.
“Pipsy fix nice droid!” Pipsy promised. HK stood shakily and readied his blaster, his photoreceptors shining in the smoke.
Amazed Assessment: All of my functions are at peak efficiency, Master.
“THEN USE THEM!”
Offended Counter: You don’t have to shout, Master. I am programmed with the most advanced hear—
“Bad time, HK!”
The droid shrugged and fired several shots into the smoke. Statement: Assassination protocols activated!
“Well that’s not good,” Waresh muttered, ducking under the incoming fire and glaring at his Jedi companion who calmly deflected a few bolts. “Aren’t you supposed to be, you know, helping?”
“What would you have me do?” Putridous glanced down at the Hunter. “Charging into the fray with emotion is not the Jedi way.”
“I don’t give two banthas about the Jedi way!” Waresh pointed at the Jedi. “Bring that Sith Lord down!”
“As you wish,” Putridous vanished into the fog; all that could be seen was a blue lightsaber casually deflecting the influx of blaster bolts.
Warning: Master, the imposter Meatbag is approaching.
“The Jedi?” Ignite grunted, his control over the lightning fading fast.
Affirmation: Yes, Master.
“Can’t you stop him?”
Indignant Response: Of course, Master!
Ignite managed to throw a deadpan look in HK’s direction.
The droid stiffened and, without looking, pressed a button on his arm; off shot his hand through the fog.
“I can’t see a freaking thing in this smoke!” Sneaks hissed to Kaliyo, the Agent having taken cover the moment the fighting started.
“That’s good for us though, right?” Kaliyo questioned lightly, kneeling beside the Rattataki.
“Don’t you worry about a thing,” Doc crossed his arms. “Ole Doc will-ulp!”
Proud Declaration: I have him, Master!
“Then why is the blue light getting closer?!” Ignite ceased his lightning and rolled out of the way, the ground exploding in a shower of dirt and fire behind him.
Retort: Because this unit is reeling him in, Master! HK paused as his hand returned with Doc attached. Astonished Observation: This is not the imposter Meatbag, Master.
The blue light swung in HK’s direction, halting as it realized Doc was currently being used as a meat shield.
“Release the prisoner, droid,” Putridous requested sagely.
Threat: The imposter Meatbag Jedi will cease hostilities against this unit or the idiot Meatbag shall be liquidated with extreme prejudice!
“If you liquidate him, what will stop me from destroying you?”
Intrigued Reply: This unit is impressed with the ruthlessness displayed, imposter Meatbag Jedi. However my scans of your bodily fluids show that you are lying.
“That just sounds bad,” Waresh shook his head across the battlefield.
“Or perhaps I can control my—ah—bodily fluids to convince you otherwise?”
Defensive Statement: This unit does not like the imposter Meatbag Jedi’s logic.
“Can I say something?” Doc wheezed.
“I’m kinda loking,” Doc struggled.
Baffled Reply: Of course you are choking, idiot Meatbag! I have you by the throat!
“I’m afraid I must intervene,” Putridous sighed.
Ignite caught the Jedi’s lightsaber with his own. “Don’t touch my droid!”
“You would be so much better serving the light,” Putrioud shoved against the Sith, both rolling out of the way as Thanaton sent more lightning into the smoke.
“Don’t try and turn me, fool,” Ignite spat. “I am not so weak-minded.”
“Peace is not weak,” Putridous countered.
“Denial of your emotions is.”
“He’s got you there,” Thanaton admitted from afar.
“Last chance, Sith,” Putridous informed almost pleadingly. “Surrender peacefully.”
Ignite held his arms out boastfully. “So far none of you have managed to stop me, Jedi. Until you do I’m not going to do any—oomph!”
A hulking form crashed into Ignite, sending him sprawling away. Putridous sighed aloud when he saw another red lightsaber appear in the smoke. “I’m done,” he casually deactivated his own lightsaber and strolled in the direction of Waresh, patting the Hunter on the shoulder.
“Have fun killing yourselves, Sith,” he called. Waresh watched him depart and cursed silently before deciding retreat was a good option; he’d had enough of Sith for one day.
“Now would be a good time to get out of here,” Kaliyo hissed to Sneaks.
“Why would we do that?” The Agent questioned with a raised eyebrow. “It’s just starting to get good!”
“Because Doc is gone!”
Sneaks blinked. “Noted.”
“Who the?!” Ignite jumped back to his feet in time to intercept a lightsaber strike that drove him to his knees.
“You dare threaten our Emperor?” A voice demanded.
“Wha-?” Ignite rolled when he sensed incoming lightning. The other Sith was not so lucky and went tumbling away. “HK! We’re leaving!”
Complication: Master, this unit cannot release the idiot Meatbag.
“Then bring him along for torture.”
Gleeful Reply: With pleasure, Master.
“Pipsy!” Ignite shouted. “HK! Get Andro down here stat!”
Statement: The Master demands you retrieve us, Meatbag.
“Yeah I heard,” Andronikus replied from his comlink. “How’d you like your backup?”
Horrified Admission: The Pipsqueak nearly gutted me on the field!
HK paused mid-stride.
Emphatic Statement: It is NOT funny, Meatbag! Assurance: If you were not on my Meatbag Protection List I would liquidate you with extreme prejudice!
“Let’s go, HK!” Ignite hoisted Pipsy over his shoulder along with two-vee’s chassis. “Grab the rest of the inferior model.”
“I see that,” Ignite forced a smile, looking to the sky nervously; the smoke was beginning to clear.
Complaint: Master, the Meatbag will not stop laughing at my plight!
“Well it is kind of funny, HK.”
Indignant Baffled Retort: This unit would like to remind the Master that there are still two hostiles waiting to liquidate us on the field of battle! Furthermore I am most displeased to see you taking the side of the Meatbag! Also I would like to file a formal complaint against the sickening display of affection the Pipsqueak is currently receiving.
Ignite raised an eyebrow. “Need I remind you you’re still holding the idiot Meatbag?”
Sarcastic Reply: Master I want to extent my thanks for you noting such a minute detail. I pray that your processors did not strain too harshly to compute such a thing.
The Fury blared overhead and Ignite boarded the descending ramp, HK in tow. “Really, HK, I don’t see what the issue is with Andro having a laugh at your expense.”
Wrathful Reply: I am the pinnacle achievement of the Hunter Killer model, Master! I will not be demeaned by a Meatbag!
Ignite looked his droid over. “Ah,” he chuckled, reaching forward and removing the arc-tech screwdriver. “That would explain it.”
Assurance: I will liquidate that Pipsqueak.
“Mean droid be nice to Pipsy! Pipsy fix!”
Thanaton watched his prey disappear into the sky and tapped his chin as he listened to the droid and, he assumed a Jawa, argue. Judging by the conversation of the Sith Lord and his companions he had little to fear from them. He shrugged and walked away, not paying the slightest attention to the fact that there had been another Sith in the chaos.
Not one minute after Thanaton departed another Jedi burst onto the scene, Kira Carsen in tow. He took one look at the battlefield and noted a hulking man staggering to his feet; and the red lightsaber he wielded. Both Jedi ignited their own sabers and waited.
Naweth shook his head. “Gotta learn to dodge that stuff,” he grunted, looking around. “Vette?”
“Sith,” Elwind called. “Where is Doc?”
“Where is Vette?” The Sith retaliated. “If you killed her I will annihilate you.”
Elwind paused. “Jedi?”
“I don’t think this guy killed Doc,” Kira whispered.
“Who is this Vette?” Elwind questioned, eager to avoid a fight if necessary.
“She was with me when I intercepted Ignite,” Naweth looked around. “He appears to have fled the scene. I’m assuming Doc was the man the droid had by the throat.”
“What?!” Kira cried.
“Was he dead?” Elwind asked hopefully.
“Oh, right,” Elwind cleared his throat. “That is dire news indeed.”
Naweth cocked his head to the side. “Yeah…So…”
“Do we—uh—fight?” Elwind looked at his lightsabers.
“Can I get a rain check? I kinda have to recover my Twi’lek.”
“Well this is a first,” Kira snorted.
“You’re not very Sithy,” Elwind admitted.
“And you’re not very Jediey,” Naweth countered.
“Both of you are idiots,” another voice scoffed. “Had I not seen you in my visions I would slaughter you where you stand.”
The three stiffened as a pureblood Sith strolled out in full battle armor, his own lightsaber shining crimson red. “I am Lord Scourge, also known as the Emperor’s Wrath. It seems that you two have saved me the trouble of tracking you down.”
“I’m just here to stop the Emperor’s assassination and retrieve my Twi’lek,” Naweth shrugged.
“And I’m just here to get the galaxy’s greatest idiot,” Elwind informed. “Was going to assassinate the Emperor, but that plan is kinda busted wide open now.”
“Then it seems we have a common goal,” Scourge deactivated his lightsaber.
Elwind, Naweth and Kira all responded simultaneously. “We do?”
“Never knew a screwdriver could alter your personality so much, HK,” Ignite chuckled as he spun it around. “Pipsy, fix HK’s hand so the prisoner can breathe.”
HK felt the Jawa open his thigh panel and would have shivered if he could. Horrified Declaration: I never want to go through that again, Master.
“I believe it,” Ignite nodded. “Feeling better?”
HK released Doc, finally. Statement: Yes, Master. This unit acknowledges that the Pipsqueak actually fixed something.
“Pipsy fix man now!”
Amused Admittance: Master, the Pipsqueak could inflict far greater horrors on this Meatbag than I.
“That’s something to consider,” Ignite rubbed his chin. “Khem, can you take our friend here to the brig?”
“We don’t have a brig, Master,” Khem rumbled.
Ignite’s eyes widened. “We don’t? Well fudge. Put him in the airlock for now then. That’ll get his attention.”
Hopeful Query: Can I vent him into space, Master?
“Not yet, HK,” Ignite chuckled before he eyed Pipsy. “Actually. Better just strap him down to a table in the medbay, Khem. Pipsy may accidentally vent him into space.”
HK stiffened. Warning: Master, I detect an unidentified organic Meatbag pilfering your belongings. Namely your underwear drawer.
Ignite looked down at Pipsy who waved shyly. He noted Khem failing to strap Doc down and leaned back to see Andronikus currently piloting the ship.
“That’s impossible,” Ignite scoffed. “You sure it’s not Kallig?”
The ghost appeared. “Flesh of my flesh, you are alive!”
“Well that’s not good,” Ignite muttered. “Activate assassination protocols, HK.”
Assurance: They are always active, Master.
“If it’s Thanaton, shoot first and ask questions later.”
Acquiescence: As you command, Master.
“Andro, you got Pipsy!”
“I can’t fly and Jawa-sit!”
“Khem you’ve got Pipsy-duty!” Ignite looked down at Pipsy. “Go help Khem, Pipsy.”
The Jawa headed over to the Dashade after a thumbs up.
“Where to, Kallig?”
“Taris, flesh of my flesh.”
“Now let’s go see who’s raiding my underwear drawer,” Ignite shuddered.