“Now remember,” Ignite paced slowly, “no fixing hyperdrives, blasters, lightsabers, or my ship.”
“Pipsy be good!” Pipsy promised.
“No activating scary lady and be sure to listen to Andro and Khem,” Ignite continued.
“Pipsy listen! Boss no want fix?”
“Correct,” Ignite beamed, satisfied the Jawa was comprehending. “Can you two handle her?”
Andronikus and Khem looked at each other and shrugged. “How hard can it be?” The Pirate questioned lightly.
Statement: You have no idea, Meatbag.
Counter-statement: Do not listen to the defective HK model. He can barely handle his own protocols, let alone a Jawa.
Defensive Retort: This unit had spit in his photoreceptors!
“And you two,” Ignite pointed at his droids. “This is a stealth mission. Quiet. Got it?”
Affirmation: Understood, Master.
Request: I require a weapon, Master.
“That is true,” Ignite rubbed his chin. “Maybe you can borrow one of HK’s?”
HK bristled. Vehement Protestation: Master, this Inferior model is not worthy of one of my weapons!
“Oh come now, HK,” Ignite rolled his eyes. “It’s only for a little bit.”
Retort: The inferior model’s chassis was not built for combat.
Insult: And the defective HK model continues to lack productivity.
HK leveled his blaster at two-vee. Threat: This unit will gladly terminate you.
“Play nice,” Ignite ignored the two for the moment, turning to Andronikus. “Are we close?”
“Very,” Andro said, maneuvering the ship to hover above the Dark Temple. “Stealth mode engaged. You’ll be dropping down in front of a tomb.”
“Good enough,” Ignite noted HK had, albeit begrudgingly, relinquished one of his blasters. “Shall we?”
The three exited the ship, leaving Khem, Andronikus and Pipsy alone. Andronikus turned to the Dashade. “Pazaak?”
Khem shrugged. “I hunger.”
“Take that as a yes,” Andronikus produced a deck from his jacket pocket and paused. “Where’s the Jawa?”
There was a crash from Ignite’s room causing Andronikus and Khem to freeze.
“Not good,” the Dashade rumbled.
“Now cull your petty arguing for now,” Ignite lectured his droids harshly at the entrance to the tomb. “We’re going to get in, learn this technique, and get out. Got it?”
The Sith turned around and took two steps when he heard a blaster discharge. There were several clangs and then silence. Ignite whirled on his heel to see 2V-R8 in pieces all around. He raised an eyebrow. “Why did you frag two-vee?”
Lie: This unit did no such thing, Master.
Ignite paused. “You know that you’re telling me you’re lying, yeah?”
Partial Truth: My blaster discharged.
“You thought that liquidating—“
“Terminating two-vee would solve the arguing problem?”
Honest Reply: With the inferior model terminated there is no longer anything to argue about, Master.
Ignite shrugged. He had a point. “You’re fixing two-vee when we get done.”
HK’s eyes flashed. Acceptance: Very well, Master.
Ignite threw his hands in the air. “Droids,” he muttered in disgust.
The two vanished into the dark of the tomb, unaware of the ship above suddenly appearing from its cloaking devices.
“Oi!” Andronikus shook the Jawa roughly and pointed at the control panel above Ignite’s bed. “What are you doing?!”
“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa said proudly, pointing at a screwdriver in her free hand.
“Boss said no fix!” Andronikus countered.
“Shall I eat the Jawa?” Khem questioned.
The Dashade paused in thought. “No,” he decided.
Andronikus chucked Pipsy at Khem. “Let me go see what she ruined,” he sighed. The Pirate went to the bridge and paused as he notated the many flashing lights and alarms, currently muted, blaring. He entered a few commands into the primary console and watched as two ships appeared on the holocam.
“Not good,” he muttered. “Khem! We’ve got company!”
“I said STEALTH!” Ignite roared at HK ten minutes later. “How by the sands of Tatooine am I supposed to explain THIS?!” The Sith Lord pointed accusingly at the mountain of corpses; composed of crazed acolytes and Imperial soldiers.
Response: This unit was merely initiating assassination protocols—
“I said STEALTH!” Ignite shouted.
Rebuttal: You’re not being very stealthy, Master.
The Twi’lek threw his hands into the air. “I give up! You’re impossible! Just liquidate everything from here to the next coffin!”
Gleeful Acquiescence: As you command, Master.
Several blasters shots, explosions, and a few grappling hands later the path was clear and Ignite stormed into the crypt, shoving the lid off of the coffin. “If you’re going to teach me this technique awaken from the dead and do it already!”
The corpse shot up and gripped the Sith by the throat. HK was not kind. Seconds later all that remained was a hand which Ignite calmly detached from his throat. The ghost appeared behind the Sith and droid.
“This is how you greet the dead?!” He scolded. “Desecrating my grave?!”
Ignite pointed to himself. “Sith?”
HK pointed at himself. Reply: HK?
“Well I must say I am quite impressed,” the Sith folded his hands behind his back. “What can I do for you?”
“I need to learn some mystical technique to suck the power from the dead,” Ignite waved nonchalantly. “I was told you could teach me.”
“I can indeed teach you!” The ghost flourished grandiosely. “However, it will take many days to…” He trailed off when he heard a beeping noise.
“You gonna get that, HK?”
Query: Yes, Meatbag?
“Two hostiles are landing outside the tomb. Big trouble!” Andronikus informed.
“We’re going to need the short version,” Ignite sighed.
“Well all you really need to do is wave your arms around and channel the Force, sucking the ghost into your body. I should warn you that—Hey! Wait!”
Ignite staggered to his knees, glowing purple. “Yeesh,” he gagged. “Tastes like death!”
Report: Master, we must move with haste.
“Yeah I know,” Ignite forced himself to his feet. “How much time do we have?”
Reply: Thirty seconds.
“Well paint me blue and call me a Chiss,” Ignite muttered.
Informative Reply: That is anatomically impossible, Master.
“Looks like that Bounty Hunter you encountered earlier,” Andronikus noted. “Good thing we’re in stealth mode.”
The Bounty Hunter pointed up at the ship.
“We appear to not be in stealth mode,” Khem narrowed his eyes at the Jawa.
Pipsy gave a thumbs up. “Ship no see! Now Boss see!”
“That second ship looks to be Imperial; and if the holo-net is correct that’s Cipher Nine of II.”
“Imperial Intelligence,” Andronikus squinted. “Is that a Sith with them?”
“Looks to be one,” Khem shrugged.
“Odd to see a Sith with a blue lightsaber,” Andronikus mused aloud. “Should we help them?”
“It would appear the droid did not make it,” Khem pointed at the tomb entrance.
“Egads!” Andronikus exclaimed. “Seems like they got to two-vee and started the party early!”
Ignite and HK appeared moments later and halted midstride. HK leveled his blaster and Ignite activated his lightsaber.
“We’re going to need to do something,” Andronikus looked up at Khem. The Dashade glanced down at Pipsy. “I like the way you think,” Andronikus chuckled.
“I thought you said two hostiles?” Ignite growled at HK.
Confused Response: It would appear more have arrived, Master.
Ignite glanced over at Waresh, what appeared to be a Jedi who wanted to be a Sith, and the pair of Rattataki. “You I remember,” he pointed at Waresh. “What’s a Jedi doing dressed like a Sith?”
“I am Lord Putridous,” the Jedi spoke in an emotionless voice.
“Spare me,” Ignite drawled. “I can smell the Light side of the Force a mile away.”
“Does it smell like roses in the springtime?” Putridous questioned hopefully.
“Actually all I smell right now is death, courtesy of HK.”
Proud reply: Thank you, Master.
Waresh leveled a blaster at Ignite and turned another to the Rattataki pair. They both bristled; the female leveled her own blaster at Waresh and the male at Ignite.
“You are?” Ignite remained at ease.
“Cipher Nine of Imperial Intelligence. You need to come with me for questioning.”
“I’m afraid we need him first,” Waresh informed the Agent.
“Can’t let you do that,” Sneaks sighed.
Ignite opened his mouth to comment when Thanaton appeared from behind the Agents. “Ah, it is good to see you remained for me to destroy you, Ignite.” Two lightsabers and four blasters turned to Thanaton. “Or we could just talk.” The weapons returned to their original targets.
“How did you find me?” Ignite raised an eyebrow.
Thanaton pointed up. “Your ship is in plain view from Kaas City. Furthermore it would appear that your little tryst through the Dark Temple has been plastered all over the holo-net. It would seem your two-vee model droid was set to broadcast and continues to do so.
HK whirled and fired at the spare parts of two-vee.
“Not helping,” Ignite halted the droid.
Realization: The Pipsqueak is responsible, Master. She should be liquidated immediately!
Ignite smacked his forehead.
Thanaton prepared to continue his monologue when the bushes rustled and a man came stumbling free equipped with several medical probes and devices.
“Have no fear! Doc is here, baby!” The mad slid to a halt beside Kaliyo. “Hey, babe!” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Where’s the Jedi?” Kaliyo looked around.
“Just me, sweetie,” Doc smoothed his hair, breathing heavily. “Lucky you.”
Kaliyo grabbed Doc by the collar, “You were supposed to bring the Jedi!”
“He’s busy on his mission to assassinate the Emperor,” Doc informed nonchalantly. “Besides the Barsen’fail is here.”
“Barsen’thor,” Putridous corrected sagely.
“Yeah, whatever,” Doc waved his hand. “So do I get a kiss for coming to the rescue?” He waggled his eyebrows seductively. Kaliyo smacked him, hard.
“Woo baby!” Doc roared. “Daddy likes!”
Three lightsabers and four blasters turned to Doc.
“Can we please kill this guy and continue threatening one another?” Sneaks pleaded.
“I must admit I’m disappointed in Imperial Intelligence’s ability to garner aid,” Thanaton admitted.
“This is your fault, Kaliyo!” Sneaks accused.
“Don’t you worry about a thing,” Doc continued, oblivious to the fact that he was going to die painfully, “good ole’ Doc will take care of everything!”
“Am I the only one who heard that he intends to assassinate the Emperor?” Waresh asked in confusion.
“You really think he’s capable?” Ignite gestured.
“That’s it,” Sneaks prepared to fire. Before he could pull the trigger a scream drew everyone’s attention skyward. Pipsy landed on HK, the two collapsing into a pile. There was a click and an explosion of smoke. After that…chaos.
“I think it’d be wise to acquire Doc, and fast,” Kira Carsen explained to Elwind; currently the Jedi’s greatest weapon. “I don’t think the Council will be too happy to hear about this.”
“Doc is probably dead,” Elwind sighed in agitation. “I told him not to go.”
“We’re going to get Doc,” Kira reaffirmed.
Elwind raised an eyebrow. “I suppose our extracurricular activities will cease until I comply, eh?”
“Got that right.”
“Fudge.” Elwind shrugged. “Guess we’re going to rescue the Galaxy’s Greatest Idiot.”
“Havoc Squad you’re being recalled from your current mission to respond to an immediate threat to galactic security!” General Garza informed the CO, Gnox. “It would seem a critical Jedi assignment has been leaked to the general public and the traitorous scum must be brought in.”
“Well at least I’ll get promoted,” Jorgan muttered.
“We’re on it,” Gnox saluted.
“I trust you will not fail,” Garza affirmed.
“We never do.”
“You’re never going to believe this,” Vette giggled uncontrollably. “Someone is going to assassinate the Emperor!”
Quinn bristled. “Enough with your games!”
“I’m serious!” Vette replied, wounded. “It’s all over the holo-net!”
Quinn sighed and checked his datapad. “It would appear you are correct.”
“That’s all you’re gonna give me, eh?”
Quinn was silent.
“You two think we should investigate?” Naweth folded his arms.
“This warrants looking into,” Quinn input.
“Well if Captain Uptight says to get involved I say we stay away!” Vette skipped off.
Naweth rolled his eyes. “Set a course for Kaas, Captain.”
Quinn saluted. “Right away, my Lord.”
“Lord Scourge, I require the removal of these idiots,” a voice demanded of the current Emperor’s Wrath.
The pureblood knelt. “As you command, Lord.” His eyes flashed with annoyance as he turned on his heel and walked to his ship.
“So much for visions…”