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09.02.2013 , 03:38 PM | #11
Statement: Master wishes this unit to inform the Meatbags that there will be spoilers for all Imperial storylines. Ominous Foreshadowing: This unit can confidently proclaim that--
Whatcha doing, HK?
Cautious Response: I am merely informing the Meatbags of your demands, Master.
Those aren't Meatbags, HK. Those are readers.
Rebellious Counter: They are Meatbags.
Oh? Pipsy! Come here please.
Boss call?! Pipsy here!
Sulking Statement: Master is cruel. Very well, they are readers.
And what do we say to those, HK?
Hesitant Reply: Thank you?
Eh, good enough.

A/N: There will be spoilers for all Imperial Storylines henceforth. Although none will be as Bioware told them, there will be names and places dropped along with other companions from classes other than the Inquisitor. For now the only upcoming spoilers are from the Imperial Agent line. Know that I am meshing stories together to make my own, so don't expect anything to go as it did in game.

Thank you to those who are reading, laughing, and commenting!


Ignite rushed into his own room to find it surprisingly empty and paused, listening intently. The only other area the Jawa could be was across the hall where the hyperdrive resided. Ignite entered to find HK submerged in boiling oil, the droid's red eyes glaring out at the Jawa who was standing at a pedestal with a singular button.
Plea: Press the button, Pipsqueak. This unit will be most pleased.
Pipsy hesitated, considering her options. "Pipsy not trust droid. Droid mean to Pipsy."
"Isn't that the button that resets your Meatbag Protection List?" Ignite halted. "Ah, of course."
Scheming Reply: Why, yes, Master, it is. Such a button would allow me to liquidate this Pipsqueak with extreme prejudice.
"Boss!" Pipsy ignored the tantalizing button and tugged at Ignite's robes. "Pipsy fix hyperdrive! Work ten times faster now! Also fix bed to make not rattle when sleep! Pipsy replace lock on cargo bay too. No good. Now very very good! No one get through!"
"She's a nifty thing to have around isn't she, HK?" Ignite chuckled.
The droid stared quietly, refusing to respond.
"Come along, Pipsy," Ignite guided the Jawa out of the hyperdrive room. "You can upgrade the ship later. For now let's get two-vee to fix those robes."
"Boss let Pipsy play with ship?" Pipsy questioned hopefully.
"So long as you don't destroy anything, yes," Ignite nodded, passing her along to two-vee who trembled before vanishing as quickly as allowed.
The holoterminal in the center of the room flickered and began beeping, causing the Sith to sigh. He knew whow as calling him, and didn't care to speak with her at the moment. Khem and Andro looked up from their game of Pazaak (a game which Khem was dominating, Andro too scared to bother with playing for real). Ignite scoffed and activated the terminal, folding his arms and cocking his head to the side as his Master, Darth Zash, appeared.
"Apprentice, I do say it has been quite some time since last we spoke," Zash was clearly looking for something.
"Not long enough," Ignite muttered.
"What was that?" Zash's eyes flashed.
"Nothing," Ignite smirked.
"I've been studying the ancient texts of Tulak Hord," Zash turned around and grabbed a book. "Ah! Here it is! This text indicates that the next artifact will be waiting at Alderaan, and I've taken the liberty of calling in some favors to aid you in your quest."
There was a crash and a cry from two-vee somewhere back in the ship, which caused Ignite to look away.
"What was that?" Zash questioned.
"Nothing," Ignite waved it away as if swatting a fly. "I will head to Alderaan with all haste."
A form darted behind the Sith over to the table where Khem and Andro sat. Andro felt something snatch one of his blasters and gave a cry of outrage, falling to the ground in a desperate attempt to catch the little beast. Two-vee crawled over to Ignite; both of his legs gone, wires splayed in every which direction. "There's been a complication, Master!"
Pipsy babbled and stumbled past, her robes still four sizes too big, with Andro in hot pursuit, spewing a thread of curses at the Jawa. Zash watched silently before blinking.
"Was that a Jawa?"
"Uhh," Ignite looked over at two-vee. "You're breaking up!" he called, "Interference from a local asteroid field!"
"You're sitting at the Tatooine docking por--" Zash was cut off as Ignite cut the connection. "HK!" He roared.
HK emerged, blaster at the ready, with oil dripping from every section of his chassis. Annoyed Query: Yes, Master?
"Did you do this to two-vee?" He gestured to the droid.
HK cocked his head to the side. Confused Answer: My protocols would not allow me to do such a thing, Master. Perhaps you meant to ask if I wish to do such a thing? Or mayhaps you mean to query as to if I find the inferior model's predicament to my liking? Response: If so, then this unit is pleased to announce he is quite content with the inferior model's predicament.
Ignite rubbed his forehead. "Just go finish your bath," he waved away the droid. Satisfied Reply: With pleasure, Master. "You tried to take off Pipsy's robes, didn't you, two-vee?"
"Why, yes, Master," the droid nodded. "You were very specific in re-sizing Mistress Pipsy's robes."
"Jawa's don't like that," Ignite informed. "I assume she is the one who so viciously disabled you?"
"Yes, Master," two-vee sighed. "Mistress Pipsy ignited her lightsaber and took off both of my legs with one swipe. Please don't deactivate me!"
"Got you! Little demon!" Andronikus shook the Jawa roughly. "What did you do to my blaster?!"
"Pipsy fix! Make better! Sights off two microns, now better! Laser fire twice as fast with four times power! You like?"
Andronikus inspected the work before walking over to a training dummy and firing. He immediately noted the improvements and shook his head. "Handy little thing, isn't she?"
Ignite eyed the Jawa who was looking around at the ship with barely contained glee. "You have no idea," he muttered.
"Here," Andro tossed his other blaster to the Jawa who caught it and immediately began disassembling it while sitting on the floor.
"Captain, plot a course to Alderaan," Ignite commanded. "And see what you can do for two-vee once we're in hyperspace. Watch out, Pipsy says the hyperdrive is ten times faster now."
Andro snapped a mock salute, "Yes, sir!"
"Oh, thank you, Master!" Two-vee cried, crawling back in the direction of his room where he intended to fix Mistress Pipsy a new set of modified robes.
With the Jawa entertained, for the moment, Ignite sunk back into his chair where Khem stared him down with a fierce, unblinking gaze. The Dashade still had several cards impaled on his claws and the tattered remnants scattered along the table. Ignite eyed the cards before picking up his own hand and smirking. He smacked a card down on the table. "Pazaak!" He exclaimed with satisfaction. Khem carefully piled up all of the cards before picking them up, as best as he was able, and shoving them into his mouth where he began chewing.
"You're buying me a new deck with your allowance," Ignite pointed at the Dashade.
Khem continued chewing, uncaring.

Chapter Two: Pandemonium

By the time they reached Alderaan all was well in Ignite's world. Pipsy was still tinkering with every aspect of the ship and two-vee was successfully walking once more. The Jawa was now clothed in black robes that actually fit, her lightsaber tucked away in a pouch on her persona. Khem was hungry and Andronikus bored. HK patiently waited at the escape pod of the ship for his next set of orders.
Ignite approached the holoterminal and paged his Master; seconds later her image appeared, obviously flustered.
"I do not appreciate being cut off Appren--"
Statement: It is the undesirable meatbag, Master. Shall I liquidate her?
"And I hate that droid," she growled.
"Who are we to make contact with?" Ignite glanced over to his right to see Khem holding Pipsy by the collar, out of sight of Zash, and breathed an internal sigh of relief.
"I had the pleasure of speaking with Darth Jadus recently and traded some favors with him without Thanaton's knowing. He has a Diplomat Joiner residing on Alderaan who should be able to assist you."
"Really, Apprentice," Zash shook her head, "you should read more often."
"I prefer to kill things," Ignite countered.
Statement: Something the unit respects greatly, Master.
Zash rolled her eyes. "Joiners refer to those whom have become one with the Kilik hive mind."
Ignite and Andronikus blanched.
"On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I fought such creatures," Khem rumbled. "They are weak."
"Yet their ability to communicate as a hive is what we need, Apprentice," Zash ignored the Dashade. "Find Vector and use the Kiliks to find my artifact."
"Tulak Hord's artifact," Ignite corrected.
Zash frowned and disconnected.
"Shall we?" Ignite started for the airlock.
"I think I'll wait here," Andronikus leaned against the holoterminal. "Lot of people on Alderaan who don't really care for me."
"Fair enough," Ignite shrugged. "Come on, Khem. I know you're hungry."
"I obey, for now," Khem stomped off to the airlock.
HK and Pipsy followed Ignite out of the ship and soon the four were on solid ground stretching and breathing in the fresh air of Alderaan. Ignite knelt down and pulled out a leather strap with a clip on the end, attaching it the back of Pipsy's belt. He stood and present the other end to HK.
Query: A leash?
"Yep," Ignite gave HK a clap on his shoulder. "Could you imagine the damage she would do if allowed to roam free?"
Complaint: Master, I am not this Pispqueak's keeper! How am I to fire my weapon and hold this attachment?
"You'll figure it out," Ignite replied, confident.
HK shrugged and tied the end of the leash to his wrist. Compliance: Very well, Master.
"My datapad indicates Vector is in the mountains just north of here," Ignite stared at the digital map displayed, unaware of Pipsy pulling HK every which direction as she stared at the towering buildings and speeders going by. They exited the city and came to the grasslands and mountains, upon which Pipsy stopped and gawked.
"Boss! Green sands!" She pointed.
"That's grass, Pipsy," Ignite informed.
"It pretty! Pipsy like!" The Jawa flopped down and ran her hands through the grass while HK dragged her along, uncaring.
"Should be off to the right here," Ignite returned his datapad to his robes and fingered his lightsaber as they entered the mouth of a cave where two Kiliks stood. They both chattered at him and bowed their heads in respect.
Pipsy paused and stared up at the Kiliks. They stared back. She waved shyly. They waved and chittered. HK jerked the leash, well within the cave, and Pipsy jabbered as she fell flat on her stomach and was pulled, scratching and clawing in protest, into the cave. Inside Ignite noted a man with pitch black eyes appearing to be communing with another Kilik and folded his arms as he waited.
"Boss! Boss!" Pipsy pulled on Ignite's robes. "Pipsy find a...a...thing!" She held up what appeared to be a small bowl with a white substance sloshing within. Ignite whirled on his droid.
"You can't contain her for one minute?!" He hissed.
Smart Response: Master, I have followed your orders to the letter.
Ignite groaned. Pipsy approached the Dashade. "Pipsy find! You like?"
"I hunger," Khem's stomach growled.
"Take! Food here!"
Khem ate the substance, bowl and all, in one bite. The Dashade's eyes widened and he began trembling and growling. "What exactly did you just feed my Dashade, Pipsy?"
"A thing!" Pipsy said proudly.
"That was membrosia from the nest," Vector spoke up in a monotone voice, finally addressing his guests. "We are Dawn Herald of the nest and we have been expecting you."
"You know there's only one of you, yeah?" Ignite queried.
"What is membrosia?" The Sith swapped topics.
"It heightens the senses," Vector explained. "Speed, endurance, stamina, and aggression."
Ignite smacked his forehead. "Know of any Jedi around here?"
"Yes, several," Vector nodded.
"The nearest ten, if you please," Ignite held out his datapad. Vector confusedly keyed in several coordinates and returned the datapad. "Thank you," Ignite replied. "Come on, Khem. I'm amazed you didn't try and eat Pipsy here in your current state."
The Dashade growled and followed his Master. Ignite paused mid-step and looked over his shoulder. "HK, you and Pipsy get my artifact while I pacify the Dashade."
Acceptance: Very well, Master. Greeting: Greetings, meatbag, this unit is looking forward to liquidating many undesirables. Query: Do you perhaps have somewhere I can deposit this Pipsqueak for the time being?
"We do not," Vector shook his head. "In fact, the nest knows very little of the artifacts you seek. We have, however, managed to find a house of Alderaan which may or may not contain knowledge of such a thing. In response to your question we do believe that you may have weapons free, as this house is a known affiliate of a terrorist organization."
Elated Response: This unit's reciprocator buzzes in anticipation of the liquidations forthcoming.
"House Cortess is very well-protected and will be hard to breach," Vector informed. "We have not yet come up with a proper strategy to overcome their defenses."
Confident Assurance: This unit will easily find a way inside.
"Then as Dawn Herald we would come with you, to watch and learn. Should you succeed the nest will want House Cortess to become a new nest for many more Kiliks."
"Pipsy like bug-creatures! They nice!"
Threat: Do not interfere, Pipsqueak. This unit wishes to liquidate undesirables without distraction.
"But Pipsy not upgrade shields!"
HK shook his head and pulled the Jawa along in the direction of the House Cortess complex, with Vector walking alongside him. The Dawn Herald observed the odd pair; the hive both confused and intrigued.
"We do not mean to intrude," the Dawn Herald spoke up, "but why do you have a Jawa attached to you?"
Shameful Reply: This unit does not know. Master is a cruel Master indeed.