Submitted for your consideration, here follows my resume for the position of Organism Handler.
1. Please tell us a little about yourself. Why do you want to be a part of the Czerka family?
Family is a concept with which I am not familiar. As a Sith Lord I have only masters, apprentices, and servants. Yet let it not be said that Hemenucha is opposed to trying new things...to "leaving her comfort zone" as it were. I have mastered the Dark Side of the Force, and crushed the forces of Light beneath the heel of my boot. I stand ready to ascend to the next level of domination -- that of the corporate ladder.
2. At Czerka, we pride ourselves on our accomplishments. Please name three of your accomplishments that you are most proud of. (Please do not include family milestones such as marriages or the birth of your children.)
The life of a Sith Lord is a life of accomplishment. As a rule my reputation precedes me in all that I do, so understand that being asked to name only three accomplishments strikes me as unusual on a number of levels. Yet let it not be said that Hemenucha is opposed to following instructions, no matter how…enigmatic they may be.
As applies to the position of Organism Handler, I would identify my subjugation of the Sand Demon of Tatooine to be of interest to Family Czerka. This mythical Demon far outweighed me in both level and health, yet I was able to compel the beast to yield up its blood for me without the use of physical coercion. I live, and the Sand Demon still lives. Family Czerka surely appreciates my ability to preserve the life of the specimen while still accomplishing the task at hand.
A second appropriate achievement would be my cooperation with, and eventual acquisition of the Talz creature Broonmark. Our individual missions on that damnable ice-hole Hoth crossed, and once I was convinced of his sentience we were able to work together to spread Jedi blood across the frosted ground. Afterward my crew and I welcomed Broonmark as part of our team. The Talz has graciously offered to provide for me a reference should Family Czerka require it.
My third and most recent achievement is the preservation of the planet Makeb. How is this related to the handling of organisms, you ask? I slaughtered the Hutt Archon with my own hands as he cowered inside his robotic armaments. As Family Czerka already knows, there are some organisms that are best handled by lightsabers.
3. How did you go about achieving the accomplishments above? Would you say you would do "whatever it takes" for success?
Again you have presented me with perplexing questions, and the answers are obvious, are they not? I achieved the above accomplishments by the only way I know – by my mastery of The Force, by the quickness of my wit, and by the strength of my arm. A Sith will always do “whatever it takes,” or else a Sith will die.
4. Would you say you have a strong moral compass? Do you think this could get in the way of your job, should you be asked to do something...questionable?
I would say that I have quite a strong moral compass; nothing exists that is stronger than the Dark Side of the Force. That being said, the Sith’s role within the Empire is to handle those tasks that have been labeled “questionable” by weaker beings. Family Czerka should know, however, that my moral compass directs me to the reasonable as much as to the questionable, however you define those words. Morality dictates that I succeed.
5. You are about to enjoy our wide variety of complimentary cocktails and snacks, when you notice that your esteemed colleague's newest experiment is likely to break out of their confines while you are gone. How would you handle this situation?
If I had a credit for every time this has happened to me the Hutts would find themselves bought off of Nar Shaddaa!
Assess – The experiment is that of my colleague, and therefore not necessarily my problem. “Their confines” implies multiple organisms/units are involved. “While you are gone” implies that I will have to return to this place after finishing my repast, thereby making it more my problem that I should like.
Diagnose -- My colleague is either an idiot, a slob, or has woefully misjudged the abilities of this organism/unit to escape. What motivates the experiment to break out? Hunger? Thirst? Fear? Incomplete or inadequate programming? Unchanged litter?
Plan – Simple fixes first, I always say. A cursory glance at the experiment’s confines should lead to the easiest solution. Not all battles are won with weapons. Let it not be said that Hemenucha forgets Occam!
Implement – Fill the food/water bins, sing a lullaby, reboot the unit, change the box, and lock the damned cage.
Evaluate – Did my plan work? Are all organisms/units safe, healthy, and accounted for?
Document – Write a note to my esteemed colleague regarding the condition of his/her experiment, both before and after my intervention. Write a note to our Family Czerka reporting the incident. One must never forget the paperwork. A task not properly documented is a task not properly done.
Assuming all has been put to rights, I would then partake of Family Czerka’s generous buffet of cocktails and snacks. The experiment must be kept viable and safe. The colleague must needs answer to me the next day.
My thanks to the Family Czerka for your consideration.